ZwiLife 31-35

ZwiLife

Chapter 31

Ndivhuwo quickly helped me stand up

Ndiv:” Tshili…Tshililo?” I weakly brushed him off and looked at the Doctor

Me:” what do you mean you’re sorry?” I said with my weak voice while my one hand was on my pounding head

Doc:” we did everything we could, literally everything but after we removed the metal steel he bled too much and no matter how much we tried we couldn’t save him…he is gone”

I stopped listening to him the moment he said something about doing everything they could…after that all I could hear was his voice echoing at the back of my mind…my soul left my body where it was and I don’t know where I went but I wanted an escape, I didn’t want to live this life anymore, I wanted to escape the pain I was in…It was too much. We did everything we could…the words haunted my mind for that moment. Obviously they didn’t do everything because if that was the case we would be saying a different story right now

Ndiv:” Tshililo” I heard Ndivhuwo calling my name but I couldn’t come back, the pain was way too much. How do I start living without Thembuluwo, without ever seeing or talking to him ever again.

Ndiv:” Tshililo please” I finally came back and found Ndivhuwo and the Doctor looking at me…I was now lying on the bench…I sat up quickly and looked at the Doctor

Me:” so you mean…” I lost my words and just looked at the Doctor. Ndivhuwo was shaking…he got up and walked to the ward where Thembuluwo was in without him saying another word. I got up and ran after him too. I stood at the door and looked over on the bed. He lay lifelessly on that bed. They hadn’t covered him yet…there were still two nurses who were gathering their equipments

Ndivhu:” Thembuluwo why?” he said with his pained look on…he didn’t cry but the hurt was written all over his face…I was numb people, I didn’t want to let myself feel this…this was obviously going to be the end of me, this was going to finish me off. I looked at Ndivhuwo and felt like I was possessed. I hated him with every bone in my body…he caused this

Me:” you did this” I said in a low tone and suddenly felt the pain slowly taking over every part of my body

Me:” you killed him” saying the words out loud made me realise the reality of the situation and it hurt like hell

Ndiv:” Tshililo?” he said that and looked at me with nothing but pain…I knew that look, it’s the same look he wore when Rolivhuwa died…well I couldn’t feel sorry for him this time around, in fact I wanted him to feel so bad he’d wish Kate had let me kill him

Me:” you brought her into our lives, you heartless brainless big-headed prick” I said that and took a chair and threw it at him…he looked at me in horror…I then charged at him and started punching him

Me:” you killed my husband” I screamed while beating him up.

Ndivhuwo didn’t move or say anything to me…he just stood there like a statue and let me have him. The nurses just stood from a distance and watched the whole episode…I felt like a crazy woman but I didn’t care. I beat him up until I didn’t have strength left in me. I stood and breathed hard while looking at Ndivhuwo who just plainly looked at me…he was taking this like a man huh?

Ndiv:” I am sorry” he whispered.

I looked away from him and back on the bed. Thembuluwo looked like a mess…there was blood everywhere…the metal steel that was removed from him was on a tray close to the bed. I went to the bed and stood close to it and sobbed. Why…why was this happening to me, to all of us. I thought of my son and what I will say to him. I looked at his body one more time and walked towards the door. Ndivhuwo followed me. i walked out of the room and to the passage. I got there and stood there with my hands against the wall and my face facing down…I was totally broken, this was worse than the actual death. Ndivhuwo stood close to me and said nothing. I turned around and face him

Me:” I want you out of my life and far away from me or this family” I said that and started walking and he followed me

Ndiv:” Tshili I know you’re hurting, I really do but-“

Me:” but f*** it…you caused this, you brought that skinny little s*** into our lives and I tried to warn you Ndivhuwo…hell I tried but you didn’t believe me…you actually thought I was going insane…Ndivhuwo d…d….d-” I sobbed. He just stood there and swallowed

Me:” I will never forgive you for this”

I turned around and walked out of the building…I was in so much pain, I actually felt my whole body starting to itch. I felt the son burning on my skin as soon as I got out of the building and I realised that Thembu was never going to feel this…he would never ever be alive again. I took off the sneakers I was wearing and threw them away because my feet where feeling funny. I walked to the car that Ndivhuwo gave me the car keys for. Ndivhuwo was still behind me

Me:” I am not driving anywhere with you”

Ndiv:” I am not letting you drive” I shook my head and toss him the keys,

I didn’t want to fight him. He unlocked and I got in at the backseat. He started the car and drove to George. We were at Knysna hospital. The drive to George felt longer than it actually was. Even though I saw him with my own eyes I didn’t want to believe the actual truth, I didn’t want to believe that he was actually gone.

We got home and I got out of the car and ran inside. I didn’t want Ndivhuwo or anyone else close to me. I wanted to be alone and feel this…I wanted to endure the pain I was feeling, I felt like I owed him that. I ran all the way to my bedroom. I got there and walked in and closed the door and looked around. I felt like I would see him walking around the room. I breathed hard and looked around more expecting to see him smile at me. God I was never going to see him, I was not going to see him again…he was gone. The realisation sunk in and I ran to our laundry basket and took out one of his dirty grey t shirt and took off my hoodie and slipped it in. I hugged myself wearing that t shirt and I could feel his scent like he was there with me. I sat on the couch with tears on my eyes. Ndivhuwo opened the door and shot his eyes at me

Me:” I want you gone Ndivhuwo, didn’t you hear a word I said? Don’t try to act like you are sorry because you and I both know that you are not…you killed him…you wanted him gone” I screamed at him…I was now standing up. He shook his head

Ndiv:” you know that’s now true”

Me:” even after you saw how injured he was you didn’t show any emotion, you felt nothing for him so stop pretending” I was still shouting

Ndiv:” Tshililo I am sorry okay? I didn’t know he’ll leave us”

Me:” stop the damn act, this is all your fault Ndivhuwo, this is all on you. My son will grow up without his father because of you. You must be really happy though, I mean you were up on my case about me not choosing him to die. Isn’t God just great? He gave you what you wanted…my husband’s death” he ran his hands through his head. He shook his head and walked to me

Me:” don’t…don’t come near me” I screamed and slapped him hard as soon as he got to me. He grabbed my hands so hard and pulled me to him for a tight hug. This is soo unbelievable…did he think that this was one of those moments where he’ll just hug me and I’ll melt and hug him tighter? I fought him to let me go but he held me tighter

Me:” Ndivhuwo let me go” I screamed while I fought him but he didn’t let me go…he forced me to hug him but I didn’t let myself do it…I couldn’t hug him, I couldn’t be anywhere near him. I bite his arm and he quickly let go of me and looked at me in shock

Me:’ I want you gone” my voice was so hoarse it scared me too

Ndiv:” I just want you to feel better, I want to help make you feel better” I laughed a fake painful laugh

Me:” you wanna help me feel better? Go kill yourself” he looked at me with his eyes wide open. I walked to the wardrobe and quickly looked through our stuff and I got what I was looking for. I took a gun and stood up and pointed it at Ndivhuwo

Ndiv:” Tshililo?” he hissed

Me:” leave” I was serious

Ndiv:” Tshililo put the damn gun down” he shouted

Me:” I want you to leave” I put my finger on the trigger and got the gun ready

Ndiv:” no I can’t leave you like this, you can’t be alone Tshililo…I am sorry he died I really a-“ I pulled the trigger and shot him on his arm…he fell down on one knee and held his arm with his other hand….he then looked at me with nothing but pure anguish…he was in serious shock, I didn’t move or act like I was sorry for what I did…nahh I still aimed the gun at him prepared to pull the trigger again

Me:” walk out of my house right now or I will kill you…I missed on purpose but if I am to pull the trigger again I will shoot you straight on the chest” he got up with his hand covering the wounded area on the arm and he walked out of my room. I threw the gun across the room and threw myself on the bed and cried

NDIVHUWO

I walked out of Tshililo’s room with my head literally spinning. Firstly I couldn’t believe that my brother was gone and then Tshililo almost killed me. I know I was ready to leave her alone and to stay out of her life but with Thembuluwo gone I knew she was in pain and I wanted to be there for her but she…she hated me and she blamed me for his death. All I wanted was to help her cope…seeing her like that in there was the most painful thing I’ve ever seen. I went to the bathroom and took out a first aid kid. I had to try and remove the bullet from my arm. It was painful but I managed to remove it. I bandaged myself and then went to my bedroom. I know Tshililo wanted me out of the house but I was not okay with leaving her alone in the house when she was like that. Maybe tomorrow she’ll be better and back to her senses. I sat on my bed and looked on the wall and didn’t know what to do. For the first time in my life I had hit a brickwall, I didn’t know what to do. I still couldn’t believe that Thembuluwo was gone. I put my hands on my head and started pacing. I don’t know how my family was going to go past this…Mom was also gone. i took out my phone and called Eugene

Eugene:”Ndiv…found anything yet?”

Me:” haven’t even started”

Eugene:” oww”

Me:” Thembu is gone, his mom too” Eugene went quiet for a while

Eugene:” what?”

Me:” Kate’s doing”

Eugene:” f*** that girl is a piece of work”

Me:” uhm I just wanted to let you know what happened, I gotta go”

Eugene:” sure…I have Dendron and Sizwe looking out for Kate but they haven’t found anything yet”

Me:” I’ll start working right away”

Eugene:” Ndiv”

Me:”yeah”

Eugene:” don’t make the same mistake I made….you’ve lost two family members so it’s understandable for you to take a break”

Me:” goodbye Eugene…I don’t know what makes you think you’ve earned the right to give me advice” I said that and hung up.

I took my phone and called my emergency team…yeah I had people who used to work for me who were on stand-by for days like this. I called two guys to come into the house and watch over Tshililo. I told them to just park their car outside the gate. I then left the house and went to my farm house. I got there and walked to my computer room. I was feeling numb, like a zombie of some sort…I sat in front of the computer and started looking for Kate. I dug deep bruh, like I seriously dug around for the girl and finally I found something. She had left the country to Kenya like an hour ago…she had a flight booked just in case things turned sour….f*** I hit the table and got up. So she was going to Daddy and Jug in Kenya. I sat back on my chair and felt weak. I had to try and do something to control my anger and to keep myself in check. The first thing I wanted to do when I found out that the girl was in Kenya was to follow her but then again…I couldn’t be as stupid as Eugene was, Daddy and Kate were obviously waiting for us to retaliate for killing our mother…I wasn’t sure if they knew about Thembu but it was possible. I kicked the computer screen and screamed.

Me:” but Rolivhuwa why did you even leave me?” I finally sobbed…all this reminded me of my brother, knowing that I had lost another brother added salt to the wound. Rolivhuwa would know what to do right now, I don’t know but even though he was short tempered and more heartless than I was I knew that he was better at this than I ever was. I shook my head and took out my phone and called Xolani. Zoleka picked up the phone

Zoli:” Xolani’s phone hello” I cleared my voice

Me:” uhm Zoli where is Xolani?”

Zoli:” he is busy having a conversation with the forensics in the house”

Me:” give him the phone”

Zoli:” but h-“

Me:” just give him the phone Zoli” I waited for a while until she gave Xolani the phone

X:” Ndivhuwo”

Me:” I have more bad news” Xolani breathed

X:” I can take it”

Me:” Thembu is gone” I said in a plain tone…Xolani went silent for a while

X:” okay…uh…uhm what does gone mean Ndivhuwo?”

Me:” gone gone X, Thembu is no more”

X:” no…no…I refuse to believe that…no”

Me:” Xol-“

X:”noooo I said no…Thembuluwo just can’t leave us all”

Me:” I know i-“

X:” noo” he hung up on me…f***

ZWI A PENGA – LIFE AS WE KNOW IT

Chapter 32

EUGENE

I’d been looking everywhere for Kate to no avail. I decided to call Ndivhuwo finally…he picked up after several rings

Ndiv:” sure”

Me:” any luck with Kate?”

Ndi:” I thought your boys were good…anyway she is gone” I don’t know why he never gives a straight answer right away

Me:” gone?”

Ndi:” out of the country…she is flying to Kenya so I am guessing she is going to meet Daddy and Jug”

Me:” f*** so what do we do?”

Ndiv:” we remain as cool as we are. Following them to Kenya will be us pleading with them to kill us…they ain’t stupid and after the stunt you pulled while following them in Naija they are expecting us to retaliate due to what they did to my family…let’s not do it now…they think they are the only ones who are good at chilling and waiting for a big revenge? Well I can be as calm as they come…I am calm actually, I am going to be the calmest thug you’ve ever seen” I cracked a smile thinking about how clever this guy was but I was also laughing because even in the midst of losing two family members he was still tryna be calm and remain in control, I lost it when my sister passed away, I couldn’t even think straight…I guess we are all different

Me:” I guess that’s the plan…I am really sorry about your brother and your mother…I don’t know you guys that well but I do know that you were close…and his wife Tshililo, how is she holding up?” he went quiet for a while

Ndiv:” she is completely broken” for a second I wondered how it must be like to be in love with your brother’s wife…damn…anyway I was feeling sorry for that Tshililo girl, no matter how strong she was, Thembuluwo was her husband and this must really be hard on her…she seemed like she was really in love with him

Me:” funeral arrangements?”

Ndiv:” that’s the first thing on my list right now…it’s all going to happen in Venda”

Me:” Andani and I will surely make it…I am really sorry”

Ndiv:” sure” after the call with Ndivhuwo I decided to drive back to Cape Town…there was nothing really keeping me here. I sent a signal to my guys to put the guns down and go back to Cape Town...i had a team of guys that were deployed around here in George just incase so i asked those to stay behind. I called my grandfather while I was on my way…the old man picked up immediately

Paps:” Eugene”

Me:” hey paps” I said with a friendly voice, I was happy to hear his voice

Paps:” how have you been?”

Me:” I’ve been good”

Paps:” don’t lie to me boy” I rolled my eyes

Me:” okay it’s been hard but I am getting there and yes you were right about going to Nigeria, I wasn’t thinking straight so I am sorry for the way I talked to you and how I banished you and Isabella out of here…where is my girl, I miss her already”

Paps:” you remind me so much of my son…it’s the reason why he died so early, he was too stubborn and never listened to me”

Me:” paps”

Paps:” no let me say it; if you don’t stop behaving like this you will die and leave that pregnant girlfriend of yours alone”

Me:” she’s my fiancée”

Paps:” whatever you wanna call her, you haven’t even introduced us to the girl” what? Where is this coming from now?

Me:” but you told me you don’t like her last time I was there”

Paps:” no…correction, I told you I don’t like how you love her, you love her too much you’ll get killed just to please her; she is no good for you. You are obsessed and she is not good for you and you are not good for her” oww God not his again

Me:” okay grand pa let’s not do this okay? How is Nthabeleng?”

Paps:” you want the truth?”

Me:” yeah” he had bad news, I could feel it

Paps:” she is miserable, she is asking my wife too many questions and we try our best to answer but that girl misses you Eugene, she wants someone she knows close to her”

Me:” but she can’t come back here, I can’t risk losing her again, I just can’t”

Paps:” you should have listened to me”

Me:” can we not do the ‘I told you so’ please? Once the storm has blown over I will come to Mexico I promise, I just can’t come right now because things are bad but I will come….uhm about Lusani, did he tell you why he is coming back in the country? Did you perhaps ask him to come back so that he may have my back?”

Paps:” no he just told me that you needed him and he left”

Me:” oww okay, tell grand ma and Nthabeleng that I love them so much okay?”

Paps:” okay” after the call with my grandfather I felt bad about how I let things got out of control. I was glad that Lusani was back though, even though I hate to admit it, I needed him in my life….he was the only brother I had.

ANDANI

So I was stuck in the stupid basement with this Lusani clown since Eugene left the house in the early hours of the morning...it was around one in the morning when he left. I’d been worried sick about him and Lusani kept telling me that he’ll be fine. So I managed to fall asleep on a  couch with Lusani sitting across me...i was praying that he don’t try anything funny with me but with how Eugene reacted to him making a move on me the last time he was here, I was sure as hell that he’ll never try to make a move on me ever again. I woke up and found him still sitting on the chair looking at me.

Me:” he is still not back?”

Luu:” you should just relax…need something to eat?” I shook my head

Me:” so why are you really back?”

Luu:” to help my brother out”

Me:” no I mean really…Eugene almost killed you, why would you risk coming back here?” he smiled

Luu:” you’ll never understand, anyway tell me this…if anything is to happen to him...what would you do? Will you move on with someone else? just wondering…you seem very attached” I looked away and decided not to answer him…how dare he ask me something like that about my Eugene, he’ll never leave me…he’ll do anything to remain alive for me and this baby.

I sat there with Luu for hours. We watched movies on a computerjust to keep ourselves busy; he even made food for me. He was being extra friendly and when I questioned him about it he said that I should remember that we are friends. Later in the afternoon Eugene called and said that it was safe for us to leave the basement and back to the house…Gosh I took a sigh of relief, I was so relieved. Lusani and I walked back to the house. The first thing I wanted to do was take a shower so I left Lusani in the lounge and went to my bedroom.

After Andani went to her bedroom to take a shower Lusani walked out of the house and to the garden to make a call. He couldn’t trust making a phone call inside Eugene’s house in case it’s bugged so that he may listen to whatever happens in the house. He dialled a number and put the phone in his ear

“Hello”

Luu:” I made a safe landing…he welcomed me with open arms”

“Just like we had hoped, I was worried when you were not calling”

Luu:” I was taking care of his fiancée”

“Oww that’s a progress, he trusts you again then”

Luu:” just like before”

“Don’t forget why you are back there” he smiled

Luu:” McCarthy I am not stupid...this guy groomed me remember? I wouldn’t mess with him…I know him well enough to even know the way he breathe when he is totally pissed…this will be like taking a candy from the baby…I will give you Eugene on a silver platter, after how he treated me then this is what he deserves. As long as I have that immunity deal I have signed then I will give you anything because I will be safe”

McCarthy:” all I want is him…just give me hard real evidence that could put him away forever…we can’t risk him getting out because he’ll kill you if that happens”

Luu:” you have no idea how much I want to be free off him…I won’t be sloppy, this is my ticket to freedom”

McCarthy:” work your magic, send me everything you come across, everything…record his conversations, take pictures…just get him for me”

Luu:” consider it done”

McCarthy:” talk later then”

Luu:” sure” he hung up and then called Kate

Katlego:” Luu”

Luu:” I made safe landing baby…I was talking to McCarthy and you and I will be owning everything that Eugene hold dear in no time…we will take it all from him Katlego…we helped him become this person so this is his as much as its ours”

Katlego:” just be careful, if he finds out about this then we are dead”

Luu:” I’ve been living with him since I was a boy…do you think I don’t know him? I know him longer than you’ve known him…I will never mess this up for us…Eugene need to be arrested and we can have everything that belongs to him…Including that Andani girl…she’ll be mine” Kate laughed

Katlego:” I don’t care about that one…all I want is to see Eugene’s face when he realise that you and I are the ones who brought him down and that he is never getting up again…I want to be there to watch. I have suffered way too much because of him. I loved him with everything in me and he threw it back on my face just because I made one mistake…he punished me for years”

Luu:” just hold on there Katlego, you’ll get your revenge”

Katlego:” the ball is in your court, play it well…we need hard serious evidence”

Luu:” don’t worry I will get it, my assignment today was looking after the pregnant Andani but I am sure I will be tasked with more than that next time…patience is all we need right now”

Katlego:” okay Lusani…goodbye”

Luu:” bye”

ZwiLife

Chapter 33

NDIVHUWO

I stayed in my house the whole morning and in the afternoon I left the house and prepared for Thembu’s body to be taken to a mortuary back home. I don’t know how this was going to work out but all I know is that everyone was going to be devastated for a very long time. Later that afternoon I went to Tshililo’s house. I don’t know if she was still angry at me but hey I gotta try plus we had to drive home. I got to the house and she wasn’t in the lounge or the kitchen so my guess was that she was obviously in her bedroom. I slowly walked to the bedroom, I looked at my injured arm and reminded myself that Tshililo was the cause of this. I shook my head and knocked on the door and she didn’t answer

Me:” it’s me” I said that expecting her to tell me to go away but she said nothing.

Me:” I am coming in” I slowly opened the door and I found Tshililo inside her blankets…I looked at her and folded my hands on my chest. As much as I loved Tshililo for myself and I wished she was mine alone, I never wanted Thembu to die, it’s one of the reasons why I couldn’t take him out because I knew how much he meant to her, I knew how devastated she’ll be without him. His death made one thing clear to me…I had lost Tshililo forever again…she was never going to look at me again

Me:” hey” she sat on the bed and gave me a murderous look

Me:” the look on your face and how you are hating me right now is really nothing compared to how much I hate myself right now and how much my heart hurt right now Tshililo. Yes I brought Katherine into our lives and I admit that I didn’t look deep into her because I wanted her to be normal. I wanted to move on from us, from you…I was desperate to prove a point, I wanted to feel normal, I wanted to remember what it’s like to be normal again and to live a life where you are not the centre of my attention because it hurt to have you as my centre because I was never ever going to have you as mine so Katherine made me feel sane Tshili, she made me feel normal and she loved me and I really wanted to be loved. I loved how she made me feel, if I am being honest right now I can say that I miss her, I miss how she made me feel and that’s why I hate her so much, that’s why I want to kill her because she didn’t just break my heart or drag me back to my dark bubble but she killed your husband, she killed my brother and our mom…she also killed everything that was left in me…I am a dead man walking Tshili, believe me when I say all the tantrums you are throwing are nothing compared to how I shity I feel right now” she looked at me and tears fell

Tshili:” it hurts” she wiped the tears with the back of her hands

Me:” I know” I wiped my tears too

Tshili:” I just want Thembu to come back and for all this pain to stop…Ndivhuwo I can literally feel my heart itching inside and paining…God” she put her hands on her head and scratched it

Me:” we have to go home”

Tshili:” let’s get one thing straight here, I don’t care what history we have together Ndivhuwo but don’t start having any funy ideas, not ever. I love Thembuluwo…loved I mean…I chose for him to live because I really wanted him to live” I looked at her and just swallowed, was she seriously telling me that she wished I had died in my brother’s place?

Ndiv:” if you think that I still want a woman close to me then you are very much mistaken…I am done with anything that has a vagina…now pull yourself together, we are going home, just as much as you’ve lost a husband I have lost another brother so I am a human too and I do feel the pain”

TSHILILO

I got out of bed and didn’t really pack anything…I had clothes at home. I walked out of the bedroom and all the way outside the house. I was about to get in the car when a car stopped at the gate, Ndivhuwo opened the gate and the car drove in and came to park at the driveway. I was shocked when I saw Sihle and Rotenda getting out of the car and ran to me…my first question was how did they know about this? Either way I was just glad to finally see them after such a long time. They ran to me and gave me a group hug

Sihle:” owww Tshili”

Rotenda:” I am so sorry sweety” we hugged for a while and my tears couldn’t stop falling, we broke the hug and I sniffed and managed a fake smile

Me:” ho…how did you guys…”

Rotunda:” shhhh! I know we haven’t really been close lately but when we heard about this, we had to come”

Sihle:” I can only imagine how you are feeling”

Me:” I am trying” I said that and tried to laugh but ended up just tearing up…they hugged me again. I gathered myself together and broke the hug

Me:” thank you guys for showing up, I know it’s my fault that we haven’t been close…after coming back from Kenya I just couldn’t hang out anymore so it means a lot that you came but right now I need to leave, we are going back home”

Sihle:” that’s fine, we will make sure that we fly done on Friday”

Me:” thank you somuch guys” we hugged again. I waved at them and they drove out of the gate and then Ndivhuwo and I followed.

Nobody said anything to another during our drive home. He didn’t ask me to drive, he drove the whole journey from George to Tshikhudini. We got home in the early hours of the morning. We got there and Ndivhuwo parked the car on the driveway. I looked at him and back on the house. I just sat there and didn’t know how I was going to live through this. I remembered my mother in law standing right there on the veranda smiling at us as we play in the garden…God I took a deep breath and got out of the car and left Ndivhuwo inside. He got out and walked to me

Ndiv:” Tshililo” I wiped my tears and turned around and looked at him

Me:” mhm?” he took a sigh of relief when I didn’t shout at him

Ndiv:” your son needs you to be strong for him…you need to tell him what happened, he is old enough to know what happened to his father…we will all be here and he will start asking questions so just be straight up with him that his grandmother and father are gone”

Me:” okay” I said that and contained myself so that I don’t tear up again. I walked to the house and unlocked and walked in. I switched on the light and found Xolani sitting on the sofa…so he was sitting in the dark? He got up and looked at me and I looked at him too…his eyes were red

Me:” Xolani” I whispered and he walked to me and opened his arms and we hugged

X:” he left us Tshili” he sobbed in my arms and I started tearing up too

Me:” I can’t Xolani” I said that and sobbed even harder…Xolani held me tighter

X:” I know…the three of us…we really come a long way” I don’t know how long we hugged each other but the hug lasted until we both calmed down and then we broke the embrace. Xolani looked over at Ndivhuwo and didn’t say anything

Ndiv:” I am sorry”

X:” are you?” I looked at Ndivhuwo and I saw hurt written all over his face

X:” just yesterday the two of you were not getting along”

Ndiv:” okay I am not doing this…where are the kids? I want to see my daughter”

X:” Rendi’s bedroom” Ndivhuwo walked away

Me:” my son?” I asked with my shaky voice

X:” same room”

Me:” I have to tell him what happened, God Xolani my baby don’t have a father anymore”

X:” no no no don’t say that, I promised Thembuluwo that I will take care of his son and I will keep my promise, I will be a father to that boy Tshili. I did it once when Thembu was arrested so I can still do it again”

Me:” thank you. Let me go to him”

I walked to Rendi’s bedroom and found some old women sleeping with the kids. I took my son and carried him all the way to my bedroom. I put him on my bed and stood there and looked at him. I looked at the copy of my dearest Thembuluwo and thanked God for the gift he gave me…Thembu Junior was just his father’s copy and even though I used to hate the fact that he looked nothing like me, I was now glad that he looked like him…I will look at my son everyday and be reminded of the love we shared. TJ started moving and then opened his eyes. He saw me and shot open his eyes and quickly got out of bed and ran to me for a hug. I carried him and hugged him in my arms

TJ:” mommy you are back?” I nodded

Me:” I am back my boy” at age six kids know what it means to die right? I had to tell him in order to avoid him asking me about his dad everytime

TJ:” where is my dad?” I breathed and put him down

TJ:” you’ve been crying?” I nodded

TJ:” why? What’s wrong?” I wiped the tear and knelt infront of him

Me:” you know that your dad loves you right?” he smiled

TJ:” of course I do…where is he?”

Me:” he is never coming back” I said as my voice disappeared into a whisper. He frowned

TJ:” what? Why?” I pulled him to me and hugged him again

Me:” he is gone TJ, daddy passed away, he is no more, he went to heaven baby…daddy is with God now” TJ broke the hug and looked at me with his eyes wide open

TJ:” so I will never see him again?” I shook my head

TJ:” well, that sucks but at least he is with God now…so he is looking at us right now? And I can tell him anything?” I nodded

Me:” yah you can tell him anything, he just won’t be able to answer you” he hugged me again

TJ:” I will miss him” he said in a sad tone

Me:” I know” at least he was not crying…I guess he was too young to actually understand what all this meant

TJ:” so you are crying because you will miss him too?” I broke the hug and nodded

TJ:” but you have me” I lost it and got up…I wiped the tears that gushed out of my eyes like a river. I wiped my tears and looked down at my boy

Me:” you are right, I have you…one more thing Thembu”

TJ:” what?”

Me:” it’s not just dad, grand ma too…she is with God as well” I gave him a fake smile

TJ:” grand ma too? Who will cook for us and buy us things? I love grand ma…why is God taking everyone away?”

Me:” I am sorry baby” I took him and held him tight

TJ:” I will miss grand ma...who will stay with us?”

Me:” well, I think I will stay here…how about that?” he nodded and smiled. At least I got that out of the way.

I sat there with my son until it was morning…TJ had fallen asleep again. I got out of my room and I found some relatives in the kitchen.

Me:” morning” I said that and did a little wave at the three women in the kitchen

“Morning” the two chorused…Thembu’s aunt walked to me

Aunt:” Tshililo you need to rest my love…you have to stay in your bedroom” I shook my head

Me:” it’s suffocating in there, I just need some air”

Aunt:” okay, we will make sure that the bed is moved and you can then sit on the mattress, your mother is also coming and-“ God I have to do this?

Me:” air…all I need is air right now” I walked out of the kitchen and to the living room and then out the door. I was about to go to the garden when Thendo’s car pulled up outside the gate…there was no space for him to park inside. There were few people here already. The boy got out of the car and slowly walked in. He looked at me and shook his head and proceeded to head to me

Me:” hey” I tried to smile

Thendo:” Tshili…so it’s true? Xolani called me last night but….it’s not true right?” I looked at him and then away

Thendo:” so mom and Thembu are…”

Me:” gone” my lips trembled and I contained myself, I had to keep strong for people like Thendo

Thendo:” what happened Tshililo? Don’t tell me it’s because of their gangster dealings please…I thought my brothers were done with this crap” his eyes were teary and he was trying his best not to cry

Me:” we were all done with it Thendo but…mulandu au sini I guess…our old enemies came back for revenge and…”

Thendo:” mom and Thembu are really really gone?” tears started falling from his eyes and he covered his face and walked back to his car

ZwiLife

Chapter 34

FEW DAYS LATER

TSHILILO

Saturday morning we laid my husband and his mother to rest. It was really a long week to the funeral. My family was here all the time and they were very supportive. The Mudau family was just in pain, the whole family except for the kids of course. Rotenda and Sihle also came down, I was happy to have them here, even though we had drifted apart, they were still the only friends I had. Eugene and Andani also came Friday morning and they spent the rest of Friday here, they came with some guy…his name was Lusani. Kate and her people had disappeared, we hadn’t heard from them since Thembu’s death. I hadn’t really talked to Ndivhuwo ever since we came back home…he was busy with the funeral arrangements half the time and sometimes he’ll just disappear and no one will know where he went. Rendani was also back and just like her little brother Thendo she wasn’t handling the situation any better…she was battling. As for how I was feeling, well I don’t know how I was feeling about the whole thing.

The people were also talking out there. Ever since Thembu’s arrest it was no secret in the neighbourhood that our family was once involved in criminal activities so the fact that Thembu’s mom was shot in her home by intruders and the fact that Thembu died the exact same day got people talking. People had all sorts of stories to talk about and to upload on facebook. Apparently this was karma finally catching up with us for selling drugs to innocent people and all that s***. The people who were gossiping knew s*** about us but they had lot to say apparently. I walked into few people making some snacks comment about us without noticing me…those were usually our relatives and it made me wonder how bad everyone must be talking out there. I didn’t really care about what the world was saying though; they could label us whatever because they didn’t really know us and what really went on behind the closed door of our family.

Xolani and Ndivhuwo organised a party of some sort for the evening after the funeral. Xolani called it a celebration for Thembu  and his mom’s life. Xolani’s mom was also here, she was really helpful throughout the week. Thembu’s father was the strongest of them all; the old man was trying his best to keep it together and to make sure that everything goes well. He wasn’t happy with the party but Xolani said that everyone do after tears these days…he went on to say that it’s not really as disrespectful on the dead as everyone want to think it is…the said its a way to celebrate the good deeds that the deceased has done before their passing so that we may all turn a new leaf knowing and understanding that we were never going to see them again. I personally didn’t understand the whole concept but I had no strength to try and fight and maybe this was Xolani’s way to try and move on.

So it was in the evening and everyone was chilling outside and they were busy having drinks and eating…kids were running around and making a noise. There was no music playing but just family members and relatives catching up and making old jokes and drink. I was sitting in my bedroom with Nndwakhulu, Bonita’s son. He slept while in my arms so I tucked him in close to me on the mattress, nobody was in here with me…everyone was outside, they tried to drag me out but I told them that I needed a moment alone. I took my phone and played “Thousand Years” and let all the memories flood in. I wasn’t crying, I did enough of that during the week. I was sitting like that when someone came and knocked on the door

Me:” come in” I said that and took my phone and paused the music…Eugene walked in…I was shocked to see him, he was the last person I expected to see in here. I thought he’d be out with Ndivhuwo talking some business.

Eugene:” hey”

Me:” hi” I couldn’t hide the shock on my face

Gee:” that shocking huh?”

Me:” yeah” he closed the door and stood against it

Gee:” well, I haven’t got a chance to talk to you alone since yesterday because there was always a group of women in here with you”

Me:” yeah I know...where is Andi?”

Gee:” outside with some girls…she managed to make some friends…she told me that she came and sit here with you for about an hour last night” I smiled

Me:” yeah she did…thank you guys for coming” his face turned serious

Gee:” how are you really feeling?” I looked away and then back on the baby who was sleeping next to me and then back at Eugene

Me:” I honestly don’t know”

Gee:” anything I can do?” I quickly tried to think but there was nothing

Me:” nothing really but thanks”

Gee:” and Kate…you want me to go for her now? Because I can…I know it might be dangerous but I have learned my lesson from the last time I went for Jug, I will have a better approach this time…I can bring her to you on a  silver platter and you’ll get to kill her yourself”

Me:” Thembu won’t come back still…she took him away and no matter how gruesome her death may be, it won’t change the fact that TJ and Nndwa will grow up without their dad” Eugene blinked and looked away

Gee:” I am sorry, I was just trying to help”

Me:” I know but I just want to be with my kids for now…you can discuss all that with Ndivhuwo, I am sure he will be interested in revenge”

Gee:” okay I am just…I am worried about you” there was something on the way he looked at me…God I have to put a stop to this right away

Me:” Eugene I just buried my husband today…like this morning…he…his body haven’t even started to rot yet so stop giving me that look…God if this is about the little kiss that happened then you better stop thinking about it, you have to pretend like it never happened because it wasn’t supposed to happen. You feel sorry for me and I get that but you are not supposed to be that worried about me…you hardly know me”

Gee:” you are right…just…keep well” I nodded and he walked out of the room. I got up and decided to walk out to everyone too. I was about to step out of the house when I ran into Xolani, Thendo, father in law and Ndivhuwo

Thendo:” you too…you can join us” Thendo was looking at me and then they walked past me

Me:” what’s going on?”

Xolani:” Thendo wants to have a word with us apparently” Xolani had a can of beer on his hand. I followed them and they ended up in Thendo’s bedroom.

Ndiv:” what’s up?”

X:” yeah why are we here?”

Thendo:” today we buried my brother and my mother and we are all in pain because we lost the people we love but whose fault was that? Xolani, Ndivhuwo and Thembu promised this family just more than a year ago that there won’t be any bloodshed anymore, you promised us safety and you promised living a better life. You said that you won’t be dealing anymore and we all believed you. But look at us now? Xolani…Ndivhuwo what the hell happened? Why was my mom shot dead? I won’t ask about my brother because I am sure he is as guilty about this as you all…you were still dealing right? After the whole family was kidnapped back then I thought you learned your lesson”

Ndiv:” uhm…”

Thendo:” don’t even think of lying to me… I am not a child anymore. I am at varsity right now, I have a girlfriend whom I love so much and I am thinking of having a family with her some day but….how safe are we? I can’t be dragging the poor girl over here just so that I can lose her or she can lose me to all this…look at Tshililo, think about Tj and Nndwa” everyone went quiet

Thendo:” I don’t know what happened out there and I actually don’t care. All I know is that my mother is dead…my kids will never know her and it’s all because of all of you here” he said that and wiped off his tears

Thendo:” it has to stop…Ndivhuwo and Xolani I am begging you guys to stop. Look at the kids? Ya’ll have kids who are running around the house, why can’t you learn? How many people should we bury until you all realise that this is wrong?”

Dad:” I agree with my boy, I wanted to have this talk with you boys as well”

Me:” I agree with them too. I know you might be thinking about revenge right now but it won’t really benefit us. Going after the people who did this won’t bring anyone back, it will just drag us back…I say we let it go and move on. Trying to revenge will cost us more lives. We are in pain as it is, we can’t afford to lose another life”

Ndiv:” so you are saying that we should just let these people go free?”

X:” no ways, they need to pay”

Dad:” dammit Xolani, do want to lose your wife? Or your kid?”

Me:” this is all about your ego and your pride but that means nothing okay? We can’t lose anyone else, we just can’t”

X:” all you have to do is trust us to pull this off. The people who did this have to pay, they won’t even know what hit them so ya’ll better relax, they won’t get to this family again”

Thendo:” dammit Xolani just stop okay…don’t you get this? Is this maybe because you mother is still alive and Thembu is just your half brother?”

Me:” no no no Thendo don’t say that”

Dad:” Thendo stop”

Thendo:” no…I am going to say it…these two are not feeling the same pain I am feeling right now. I lost a mom and a brother who have always been there for me because of this criminal s***and now you all want to start another trouble just so that we can lose more people? Who will be next now? Thembu’s son? Rendani maybe?” Thendo walked out of the room and left us there

Dad:” this need to really end” he walked out too and Xolani followed him. I was about to leave when Ndivhuwo grabbed my hand and I stopped walking and looked at him.

Me:” what?” he let go of my hand

Ndiv:” how are you feeling?”

Me:” uhm…why do you ask?”

Ndiv:” we haven’t talked since we came back here so I just want to make sure that you are doing okay”

Me:” given the circumstances we are in…I am trying” he gave me a faint smile

Ndiv:” you are the strongest woman I know, you will make it”

Me:” thank you Ndivhuwo and I want to apologise”

Ndiv:” for?” he looked confused

Me:” for blaming you for everything, well, even if she didn’t come through you, she would have found a way eventually and if that accident didn’t happen Thembu was probably going to die some other way…I guess it was his time so I don’t blame you, I was just battling to deal with it” he smiled

Ndiv:” you’ve been long forgiven”

Me:” seriously?” he smiled again

Ndiv:” I am stuck on stupid remember?” he said that and walked out of the door. I followed him and went outside. I looked around and I spotted Andani standing with Sihle and Rotenda and some girls, I walked over to them.

Eugene stood against his car outside the gate with Lusani.

Gee:”so…you don’t ever feel like seeing your family? I mean it’s not too far from here”

Luu:” I only came to Venda for the funeral so let’s not talk about my family…anyway about you and them?”

Gee:” them being?”

Luu:” this family, what’s up with you and them? I was gone for less than a month and you are already buddies? I don’t get it”

Gee:” I don’t need a year in order to make friends, they are good people and I kinda trust them…Paps referred me to them so they must be good” Lusani breathed

Luu:” if you say so…I just don’t trust them, why being so nice to a total stranger…with those detectives that are always looking you up you should really be careful who to trust…what’s the name of that detective from the feds again?” Gee looked at Lusani

Gee:” McCarthy, you don’t really have to worry about him…I have him under my control”

Luu:” on your payroll?”

Gee:” not really but I am watching him”

Luu:” I just want you to be careful that’s all” Eugene smiled

Gee:” I am always careful”

Luu:” so you keep saying” Gee looked at Luu carefully

Me:” Paps put you up to this right? He asked you to come back because he wants to know if I am really okay…damn that old man still thinks I am a boy” he said with a smile

Luu:” no the old man knows nothing. I am just glad to be back here and to have us talking again” they looked at each other and smiled

ZWI A PENGA – LIFE AS WE KNOW IT

Chapter 35

ANDANI

One week later

After the funeral Eugene and I spent three days at home with my family. Well Eugene was sleeping in a hotel but he got to spend some time with Omphu in the afternoon, we even went to see my sister just for a day. I was happy to see that she was happy with her husband. After that we came back to Cape Town. Lusani was back at work…Eugene was hardly focusing on the construction business so he gave Lusani signing powers so that he may take care of everything, well it wasn’t a new thing for Lusani to be in charge, that’s how he’s always done it…when Eugene wasn’t available Lusani was always left in charge.

Eugene:” our appointment is at 10” Eugene said that when he was walking to me. I was standing in the kitchen with a bottle of beetroot and a spoon eating beetroot

Eugene:” what the hell? You’re eating beetroot?”

Me:” yeah, don’t look so surprised” I said while drinking the liquid from the bottle…Eugene looked at me all disgusted

Me:” don’t even start with me Eugene” he put his hands up in defeat

Eugene:” well I am not madam…eat whatever you want…what’s next? Chutney? I can’t believe you are eating Beetroot with nothing else”

Me:” if only you knew how good it tastes” I wasn’t lying, it really was good

Gee:” I am not even going to try and taste…should I take your handbag so that we can get going?”

Me:” I don’t think I need a handbag” I drank the liquid again from the bottle…Eugene just gave me a funny look and walked outside the door. I followed him outside with a smile on my face. He opened the door for me and smiled

Me:’ and?”

Eugene:” wow”

Me:” wow what?” I got inside the car

Gee:” so I opened the door for you and all you can say is ‘and?’ have I really been that bad lately? I mean i haven’t really been my old romantic self in a while right?”

Andi:” in a very long time actually”

Eugene:” I will make it all up to you Andi…you deserve only the best” I smiled and he closed the door.

I was glad that we were in a good space again and even though he never discussed business with me, I was starting to think that our lives were back to normal. I was really taking a strain dealing with the guns and everything that’s been happening. Thinking about all that reminded me of Tshililo. The girl was really having a tough time dealing with losing her husband. I can’t say I blame her though, I don’t know what I’d do if I am to lose my Eugene, God I’d die.

Me:” have you talked to Tshililo since we came back?” he looked at me and then away

Gee:” no, why?”

Me:” I am just worried about her…I talked to her yesterday and she is still having a really hard time”

Gee:” just be there for her…that’s a good thing”

Me:” yeah” I rubbed his thigh and looked at him and he looked at me and then back on the road

Me:” I am glad we are back to this again” I said while not looking at him

Eugene:” I am sorry that I’ve been distant lately and that things have been out of control lately…it’s just gonna be us for a while now”

Me:” just a while?” I sulked

Gee:” we will make the best of it, I promise” We smiled at each other.

We got to the Doctor’s surgery and parked the car and got out. He came to me and took my hand and we walked in. I was really glad that we were now back to this again…for a second I thought I was going to lose him. We got there just in time for our appointment and we went straight inside the consultation room. The Doctor came to check me up and the baby was healthy and I was also healthy. Eugene and I kept on looking at each other smiling and laughing as we looked at our baby on the sonar screen

Gee:” can we tell if it’s a boy or a girl yet?” he asked as soon as the Doctor asked us to ask him anything

Doc:” we should wait at least three more weeks and then we can tell okay?” he looked at me and smiled

Gee:” okay we will surely be back for that…right baby?”

Me:” I love a surprise though but knowing won’t be that bad too” he kissed me on my forehead and squeezed my hand

Gee:” that’s my cupcake…so Doc, you are sure that our baby is healthy right? No complication at all?”

Doc:” 100% sure”

Gee:” that’s a relief”

So after the appointment with the Doctor we drove back to the house. As much as I was happy with Eugene, my relationship with Vhusani was not really how it used to be…there was a distance between us and I had no idea how I was going to fix us. As for her wedding, I managed to tell her fiancée that I couldn’t organise the wedding anymore and that he should tell Vhusi about it because I felt like she deserved to be part of her wedding planning. He wasn’t too thrilled but he ended up agreeing with me. I knew I could continue planning Vhusi’s wedding but with the life that we were now living, one could never be too sure about what tomorrow may bring so I didn’t want to ruin everything or to drop him at the last minute.

Eugene and I got home and we got out of the car and walked inside. Eugene offered to cook lunch…well I wasn’t about to burst his bubble so I agreed. He decided to cook pap and tripe...well tripe were going to take hours to be ready but they were always worth the wait though. I guess my baby missed his sisters today because we used to cook tripe while we were with them. Well, I wasn’t worried about the tripe taking hours to get ready because I had lot of junk food I could always indulge on so I was covered. I left him in the kitchen as he started with his cooking and I went to the bedroom to take a nap. I woke up some time later and walked down to the lounge and I found my Eugene sleeping on the couch while playing music. I was in my short blue dress and was barefoot.

Me:” done cooking?”

Gee:”only pap” he sat up and signalled with his hands for me to come sit on him…I went to him and sat

Gee:” I love you okay?” without as much as a smile on his face

Me:” I know” he stood up and hugged me

Gee:” I know that your marriage to Rialivhuwa was hectic and you’ve only known me for few months but it sure feels like years Andi, doesn’t it?” I thought about it, it really felt like we’ve known each other for more than 10 years already, we knew a lot about each other

Me:” it sure does”

Gee:” our anniversary is coming up next month so I was thinking that we should make this right. I know I know you are afraid of putting it on a paper or being in a white dress again but Andani I’ve never been married before so I want you to be mine and I want to truly mean it when I call you mine” oww God

Me:” b-“

Gee:” cupcake I will never do to you what he did to you. I will never lay my hands on you, never”

I was seriously not sure about that. Eugene was strange and very dangerous and yes he loved me but I wasn’t sure about him not hurting me. If he really loses his cool can he control himself? He raped me before after I cheated on him…although I didn’t plan on cheating on him again wouldn’t he do it again if I do something to hurt him? He didn’t hit me but him raping me also violated me.

Me:” it’s not just about that Eugene, what is wrong with what we have? We love each other and we are happy, why do we have to complicate everything?” okay all I wanted was for this engagement to last a bit longer, I wanted to know him more and if all fails then I waned to just walk away…I didn’t want to think about the divorce and family meetings, I went through all of that with Rialivhuwa

Gee:” you are pregnant and your parents don’t even know it yet…you hid the pregnancy the whole time we were up in Venda, do you plan on hiding the baby from them as well? I don’t want to come across as a disrespectful man who don’t respect tradition to your parents because that’s exactly how I will appear to them if we don’t do anything”

Me:” how far are you with the tripe?” I said that walking to the kitchen but he pulled me back to him

Gee:” cupcake please”

Me:” okay I guess I will tell my parents and you can pay the damages and then the lobola will be dealt with after I give birth…traditionally it’s not allowed to pay lobola for someone who is pregnant so we can only do damages and your family can introduce themselves to mine” he smiled and hugged

Gee:” that’s my baby” he giggle and spun me around. He then put me down and his face turned sour

Me:” what’s wrong?” he looked at me and then away

Me:” cupcake?”

Gee:” I need to tell you something”

Me:” what is it?”

Gee:” I want you to promise me that you won’t overreact about this okay?”

Me:” baby what’s going on?” I was now starting to worry

Gee:” well, I love you, I really do and no one is ever going to take your place because you mean a hell lot to me than anyone else will ever do”

Me:” just say it” I stood away from him with my hands folded on my chest, my happiness had evaporated, I could sense that whatever he was about to tell me wasn’t really good news and I wanted him to just say it already

Gee:” I am telling you this because I love you and I want to mean it when I say you mean everything to me and I don’t want to have this guilt lingering every time I look at you. I love you somuch and I want our marriage to be based on trust okay?”

Me:” out with it”

Gee:” remember that day that Tshililo came to the house in the morning and I went to the study with her?”

Me:” yeah” I nodded

Gee:” well, she told me everything that was going on and that her family wasn’t believing her and that she really needed my help. I told her I believed her and that I was going to help the family regarding that Katherine saga so she was excited obviously and …” I frowned as I felt the blood being drained out of my body and my eyes involuntarily shot at him

Gee:” and she hugged me as a friend but as we were breaking the hug i…” oww noo

Me:”you what?” I said in a low tone…my Eugene didn’t, no he couldn’t have

Gee:” I kissed her” I covered my mouth with my hands and stood in one place. I trusted Eugene with everything I had as for Tshililo…damn that filthy little bitch

Me:” that little conniving b-“

Gee:” Andani I kissed her and not the other way around. She was shocked and angry at me for doing it, she really didn’t want it and I didn’t want it too baby I really don’t know what happened but I feel nothing for her…nothing at all so I am ju-“

Me:” stop”

Gee:” And-“

Me:” stop”

I ran to him and hugged him. I wanted to cry so bad,I wanted to cry and punch him and tell him that I hated him but I didn’t do that. I hugged him tight and tried my best to hold off the tears…I didn’t want to cry for this. Rialivhuwa cheated on me and it killed me, I wasn’t about to have another repeat of that episode again. I trusted Eugene though…after everything we’d been through I didn’t expect this from him. I thought Eugene was my own damaged man…I thought I owned him but the little gangster witch had her claws on him too…just like she had on the Mudau brothers. With Thembuluwo gone Tshililo was single and vulnerable and available, I feared to lose my Eugene to her so I wasn’t going to push him to her or give her something to smile about. I was going to deal with this like a woman I knew I was. He tried to break the hug but I held him tighter and hid my face on his chest. I didn’t want to look at him…I wanted to prepare my mind in order for me to be able to look at him again. I didn’t want to look at him and start seeing another Rialivhuwa, I didn’t want to start expecting the worst from him. This was my Eugene…the man I loved so dearly and whom I believed loved me as much but he just confessed to kissing another woman…not just another woman but our friend. That only told me one thing…he felt something for that girl, if he didn’t he wouldn’t risk everything just because of a kiss. Imagine if Ndivhuwo learns about the kiss? The alliance between the two families would fall and we will be vulnerable again but he risked it all so I needed to deal with it in a clever way. I did a couple of breathing techniques trying to calm myself down. I wasn’t going to cry and act weak about this, no. I finally gathered enough strength to be able to look at him.

I broke the hug and we looked at each other

Gee:” cupcake you are my world and you know what you mean to me…I am sorry about what happened I really am, it will never happen again Andi I promise…jus…don’t leave me” his eyes were teary

Me:” I believe you” he obviously looked shocked

Gee:” you do?”

Me:” I trust that you will never do anything to hurt me or our baby…the last thing I need right now is stress Eugene…we can’t lose this one too” I meant that though…I didn’t want to lose this baby and I was hoping that bringing the baby up will remind him of what we shared

Gee:” I am all yours, all of me”

Me:” because if ever you make me feel insecure or make me feel that I can’t trust you then I will leave Eugene…I don’t want another Rialivhuwa in my life” he came to me and pulled me to him for a hug

Gee:” I will never do you like that…you mean absolutely everything to me cupcake…it was really a mistake…I hope this won’t ruin anything between you and her…she was really not at fault” I broke the hug and looked at him with a smile…she wasn’t at fault? The bitch didn’t even tell me about it…she was very much at fault and I was going to deal with her

Me:” of course not…I said I trust you, there is no need to blame her” I smiled and kissed him.

Ahg f*** that…I was definitely going to deal with that two-timing b***…Eugene was mine and mine alone…I didn’t go through all the s*** with him just so that the gangster Tshililo can come and steal him from me. Eugene had killed for me before and if my hand is forced I would definitely take Tshililo out without a second thought…now I understood why Eugene did what he did…competition sucks…I couldn’t even begin to compete with that girl…she was a hard-core criminal and that’s what my Eugene was and me…what was i? I didn’t even want to think about it. Even if I couldn’t do the job myself, I was sure as hell that Lusani could help by taking her out if I ask.