Zwia Penga - Insert 2
So I walked with her to where the others were playing passing each other a ball. I put her down and we joined the others. I gotta say that we had fun and funny enough, Sibu was close to me the whole time, and she didn’t want to leave me. I guess she was feeling safe with me close to her. When we were all tired we got out of the water. Sibu went to her friends and I went to my friends….we decided to hit the restaurant for something to eat…with all the running around, we sure as hell were hungry again.
Me: “guys should I call Sibu to come with us to the restaurant? Her friends can leave and then she can drive back with us"
Xolani:"no stress" I walked over to her as she was still standing with her group of friends... I asked her to come aside and she did
Me:"hey are you guys also leaving now?"
Sibu:"yeah"
Me: “me and the boys are going to have few drinks over there, do you mind joining us? You will drive back to the campus with us"
Sibu:"uhm problem is I am driving my own car and my friends are relying on my car", this girl got a car? I felt like every little chance I had of being with her was shattered, I mean she has a car…how in a freaking world was I supposed to win her? How do I go about trying to impress her? I mean I hardly owned a bicycle and my girl over there had a car. This was seriously going to be a struggle.
Me: “they can also join us"
Sibu:"you’re sure?" well I was obviously not sure because if we are being honest I was not capable of buying meals for those girls…if I do pay for their meals then I was seriously going to have a very long and broke first month at varsity
Me:"yeah I am sure my friends won't mind"
Sibu:"owk let me talk to them" she went to her friends and I walked back to the boys.
Me:"uhm guys, Sibu's friends are also joining us"
Xolani:"dude they won’t fit in my car"
Me:" actually… Sibu has a car so that’s sorted"
Ncedo:"then that’s fine", the girls walked to us, they were four and we were also four
Sibu:"hi guys", the guys greeted her back
Me:"uhm majita this is Sibu and Sibu this is Thembani, Ncedo and Xolani but we call him X"
Sibu:"nice to meet your guys, these are my friends, this is Nolundi, Akhona and Nwabisa", the guys greeted the girls
Thembani:"we may go ladies" we walked to the restaurant, it was one of those fancy restaurants where you rarely see a black person but hey there was no sign saying “white only” so we entered and the eyes that were piercing at us were just funny. We picked a table of 8
Xolani:"guys it’s all on me hey, buy whatever you want", hahahahaha hamba cheese boy…at least my wallet was safe, I think I was going to really get along with this boy…he loved splashing money around
Ncedo:"you’re sure mfana?"
Xolani:"positive" everyone cheered. I know it was childish but hey it was just one of those moments.
We ordered some drinks first…not just drinks but whiskey’s and believe me those where some expensive whiskeys. We took few shorts and we made sure that Xolani and Sibu didn't get drunk because they were our drivers. It was after the meal that I got up and walked all the way to the bathroom. I went inside the toilet and peed and then walked out. I stood in front of the mirror and starred at myself and I couldn’t even look at myself in the eyes…I was ashamed. I swallowed hard and looked back on the mirror again. What the hell is this? What am I doing? I thought about how much I hated alcohol and couldn’t believe that I was actually here drinking willingly without a gun to my head. I hated boys who were drunkards at home, I didn’t understand them and looking in the mirror now, I was one of them...ahg snap out of it Thembuluwo...a brave voice said inside me. It’s not like you are killing anyone or doing anything that’s wrong...it’s just alcohol, it’s just harmless alcohol…after that I turned around and walked back to the others. We spent few more minutes there talking and laughing and then later on decided that it was time to leave. We walked to the parking lot and I walked to Sibu while the boys were getting in the car
Me: “your phone numbers?" we exchanged phone numbers right at that moment and then I asked her for a hug and she agreed. Her skin was warm against mine and I didn’t want to let go
Sibu:"I like you" she muttered as we were still on each other’s arms.
Me:"i love you" I blurted out. I was still hugging her and I patiently waited for her to say something...or anything or whatever her reaction was going to be but she didn’t do or say anything…instead she just held me tight. I think this was her way of telling me that I had a chance…that maybe she felt the same too. I felt this excitement creeping in. We broke the hug and I looked at her
Me:"i will keep in touch"
Sibu:"owk bye"
Me:"bye"
I drove back to the campus with the boys. I checked my phone as soon as I got to my room…I wanted to call my mom but I was greeted by an sms from Sibu. I smiled opening the message.
"Hey, I had a great time today thanks, can we please meet up tomorrow during your free time? Let me know when you will be free and I will let you know if I will be available"
Ehhh I thought I was the one who was supposed to make moves, not her. I guess she was one of those girls who knew what they wanted and always made it a point to go for it, either way I was not complaining. I checked my class schedule and replied telling her that my last class will end at 14:00 yeah the classes were already starting but I think it was just going to be more about the orientation and maybe the intro to the courses, nothing much. We just finished with the registrations this week. She replied
"Perfect, I will be available and I will contact you tomorrow regarding where we will meet"
yohh this girl was on fire, she was leading this whole thing.
I took my phone and goggled 'how to kiss', it sounds crazy I know but Sibu seemed to have experience and I didn’t want to look like a dummy. I wanted to have some sort of an idea on what to expect and how to go about it. I mean after what happened today, the chances of us kissing tomorrow were 99.9%. After going through it on Google, I had an idea of how I was going to do it… I have to close my eyes, lean over to her and then boooom I kiss her....not complicated at all. I took out my laptop and went to my romantic movies, it’s a pity I don't watch porn, it was gonna come handy at this moment. I browsed through the movies and I was just looking for kissing scenes, yep I know it sound dumb but hey I was seriously inexperienced and didn’t want to look stupid while with her. After that little research I then called my mom. She was cross with me for not contacting her in time and not picking up her calls. I told her that everything was fine and that she didn’t really have to worry about anything. After that we talked a little bit more and she was telling me about how happy she was and how my siblings were missing me. I was missing them too but hey I had to grow up and part ways with them at some point.
The following morning I woke up and prepared myself for a class. I got to my first class and felt a bit nervous. I sat there not really paying attention to my fellow students so I decided to start chatting with Sibu and we agreed to meet after class. It felt weird man, I mean she was going to pick me up, it was going to be better if it was the other way around. I stopped chatting to her as soon as the lecturer walked into the lecture hall. My first class at varsity was not that bad. After the class I socialised a bit with my classmates and got to know them a bit as I didn’t do any of that before the class. After all my classes I walked to where I was going to meet Sibulele. Well nothing really happened in all my classes, it was just an intro day.
I spotted Sibu standing and leaning against her 2013 Ford focus…Orange in colour. I looked at her and we both exchanged smiles. I got to her and the first thing I did was give her a warm hug.
Me: “you look pretty"
Sibu:"you don't look bad yourself"
Me: “I know what you are trying to do"
Sibu:"anyway, let’s go sit somewhere"
Me: “sure", we walked to the Garden and sat under the tree.
Sibu:"so you are doing first year?"
Me:"yeah and you?"
Sibu:"second year, and how old are you?" auch...this girl was leading the whole thing here, she was not even giving me the chance to actually be the man
Me:"19 and you?" she looked a bit shocked
Sibu:"oww, I hope this won't change your mind about anything but I am 21", huh? But it’s not that bad right? I mean it’s only a two years difference and that’s all plus she looks young, I mean she could even say she is 16 and no one can disagree.
Me:"uhm it’s not a big deal is it? I mean it’s only 2 years right?"
Sibu:"yeah, have you sort of like dated an older girl before?", now this was uncomfortable for me, how do I tell her that I have never…like never ever dated anyone before?
Sibu:"Thembu? The question?"
Me:"uhm I...I"
Sibu:"you have never dated anyone have you?" was it that obvious? She looked at me and let out a soft laugh….I felt embarrassed by this, I guess this is the end of me, I mean why in a world would she want to date a virgin boy.
Me:"uhm actually I have dated one girl but it was not serious you know" I just had to lie
Sibu:"soooo, you haven't done it, like you are still a virgin?", ahgggg I can't lie to her I mean obviously my facial expression was giving it all away, she was going tell everyone that I am a virgin and it would be the end of my student life at NMMU. She had a naughty look on her face, she was smiling
Me:"uhm not really"
Sibu:"oww", she smiled even more
Me: “I don't stand a chance now do I?" yeah I was prepared for her to tell me to just leave her alone…I mean why else would she want to be teaching me everything there was to learn?
Sibu:"actually you stand a very big chance", she was biting her lower lip, she moved closer to me and kissed me, yohhhh ok I swear I almost ran out of breath for a while, I couldn't believe that I was kissing Sibu, it was the best thing ever happened to me serious. I know I had nothing to compare the kiss to but damn it felt so damn good and for a second I forgot that we were actually in a very public place. Sibu was good…damn this girl was soo good. We stopped the kiss and I looked at her speechless, like I couldn't find a single word. I just stared at her. And just like that I was already aroused.
Sibu:"soooo, do you mind going to my room?"
Me:"wh...wh...what?"
Sibu:"some privacy" her hands were all over my chest
Me: “are...are you sure? "
Sibu:"yeahhh of course"
Me: “I guess we can go"
So we walked to her car and damn people my heart was beating out my chest here…the brother was panicking. I knew what was in store for me and I was not sure if I was ready for it…I was prepared for a kiss but I was never prepared for anything more than that….i didn’t goggle anything about sex….s*** this was going to back fire. But hey at least I did told her that I was inexperienced so that means that she was going to make it all work out.
Sibu:"Thembu is everything ok?" so she could see that I was panicking…I was sweating as well. Why was I scared though? Everyone started somewhere right? Even Sibu was once a virgin so she had to understand
Me:"uhm I...I....yah everything is fine" we parked at the parking in front of ladies res. I was guessing that this was her block, this is where she was staying. We got out of the car and walked to her room. By then my heart was doing some serious dancing, I was beyond myself. We got there and she unlocked the door and we walked in.
Sibu:"make yourself comfortable" I sat on her bed
Me: “so do you have a roommate?"
Sibu:"nope I stay alone"
Me:"owk” she put on some Radio and then played Boys 2 Men - I will make love to you...ok it was about to get real…this was it…I was never going to be a virgin again after this, it was about time.
Sibu:"I want you to relax for me nehh?", she was sitting next to me. She then got up and took everything off and was only left with her underwear’s. Ok maybe it’s because I’dn ever really been with anyone but damn Subulele was like the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen
Me:"uhm Sibu"
Sibu:"yeah", she walked to me slowly
Me: “you....you...lo....look beautiful" I was stuttering…even my voice was a bit hoarse by now. She was wearing a matching bra and a panty and that’s when it hit me….which boxer and underwear am I wearing again?
She came on to me and started kissing me, I kissed her back and I guess I was doing it right because she didn’t complain or tell me how to go about it. After a while she stopped and went to a little box where she took out a condom. Huh? She has condoms in her room? I was not sure what to make of that fact but hey I wasn’t going to let that ruin my mood. Sibu:"just for safety"
Me:" of course" I was still sitting on the bed. So she came and sat on me and then pushed me back on the bed. I laid on my back starring back at her and just realised how much I loved her. Yeah I just met her but I felt in love. She started kissing me again…she was a bit faster this time…she went down to my neck and then to my chest. S*** I started to sweat and I was soo nervous I just wanted to run out of there
Me:"uhm Sibu, ca....can I just go to the bathroom?" she looked at me with a disappointed look
Sibu:"now?"
Me: “I won't take long" she got off me…looking at her I could see that she was disappointed. I ran to the bathroom and stood there leaning against the basin with both my hands on both side. Be strong Thembuluwo, you are about to have sex with the hottest girl in campus, just go out there and follow her lead. I washed my face quickly and used my t shirt to dry my face. I then went back to her room.
Sibu:"I thought you ran away"
Me:" not a chance"
So we did it…we laid on the bed with me covering her with my one hand
Me: “I love you Sibu", she just looked at me and not say anything
Me: “its fine you don't have to say it back" truthfully speaking I wanted her to say it back, I wanted her to tell me that she loved me too but hey I had to chill and let her digest everything that was happening because it was all happening too fast. But damn she might as well just tell me how she feels, surely she felt something for me, she can't do all this with someone that she doesn't care about.
Sibu:"it’s not that Thembu owk, let’s just enjoy this moment please"
Me:"owk" did I mention how it felt like? Well somethings are way too good that you don’t even know how to put them into words…but hey the bottom line is that I was in love with this girl and I was enjoying her company. After a while we got back into it again and for the second time I felt like I was in heaven…our own little heaven. When we were done we lay on the bed hugging each other
Me:"Sibu thank you"
Sibu:"for?"
Me: “all this, I uhm I don't know about you but I had a great time"
Sibu:"I did too and for a beginner I must say that I am really impressed” I don’t know if she was being honest or just trying to make me feel better but hey I found myself smiling.
So I spent some time with her and then I said goodbye and left. Yohh I couldn’t hide the excitement I had. I called my boy from home Khathutshelo as I was walking back to the room. I told him everything about Sibu. Yohh Khathu couldn’t believe that I had already scored myself a girl after such a short time. I was only happy to brag about my skills. After the call with Khathu I went to my room and also told Xolani about it. As you might have guessed, the cheese boy was only happy that I had my first sex in varsity…little did he know that this wasn’t just my first sex in varsity but it was my first sex…as in very first sex.
I hardly slept that night. I kept on replaying the events of the afternoon over and over on my head. I’ve only been here for less than a week already and apart from registering and starting my classes I have already got myself a girl and have already made love with her…apart from that I have drank alcohol for the first time and also found myself smoking some cigarette…I thought about all this while in bed.
The following morning I woke up a bit late and prep myself for classes and then left. Xolani only had one class at 12, mine was starting at 10. I called Sibu while I was on my way to the class and hey she was happy to talk to me and she couldn’t stop praising me about yesterday…see? Who is the man now?
I was early for my first class. So I got there and waited. I was sitting next to some girl. She wasn’t bad looking but hey she had nothing on my woman…there is no arguing about that. so I greeted her…I had to get along with my class mates because I should at least have people to run to when the going gets tough…I have heard stories about how difficult varsity can be.
Me:"hey, my name is Thembu and you are?" I had already given up on giving people my full name because none of them could pronounce it so Thembu seemed fine.
Girl: “I am Tshililo" huh? I laughed out loud, that was a Venda name
Me:"ai uri mini fhedzi Tshililo (how are you doing Tshililo)" she couldn’t help but laugh too
Tshili:"when I heard your name I never thought it was a Venda name…So Thembu, what’s your name in full?"
Me:"Thembuluwo…as in Repentance in English….I never thought that you were one of my own people too you know" ok so I was excited about this, I had someone to speak my own lingo with…yap yap
Tshili:"so are you also a first year?"
Me:"yep…how about you?"
Tshili:"same" the lecturer came and we had our class. After the class I walked out with Tshililo.
Me:" I will be free for an hour now…are you going to be busy?"
Tshili:" same here…we can chill over there so long",
Me:"owk no stress"
So I chilled with Tshililo for an hour. We talked about home and how the experience has been so far. She seemed like a good girl, like someone who was really serious about school. Our hour ran out and we went to our second class. After the class we walked out together. I had already received an sms from Sibu informing me that she was waiting for me just outside the class.
Me:" I guess I will see you tomorrow then"
Tshililo:" why tomorrow? We can still hang out I don’t mind"
Me:"uhm I have an appointment"
Tshililo:"oww I see"
Me: “sorry…tomorrow?"
Tshililo:"cool"
I felt a bit sorry for her because it seemed like she was looking forward to spending some time with me. I think she was having difficulty making friends and having someone who speaks her own language felt great I guess. Sibu walked to me as soon as she saw me walking towards her. She got to me and I gave her a hug and then we broke the embrace and looked at each other.
Zwi a Penga
Insert 3
Sibu:"I missed you"
Me: “I missed you more" I kissed her and then we went inside the car and she started it.
Sibu:"so who was that?"
Me: “who?"
Sibu:"that girl you were with"
Me:"oww her name is Tshililo she is my classmate"
Sibu:"and that’s all?"
Me: “of course babe there is nothing to worry about” hearing her asking me that gave me some sort of excitement…it only meant that she was jealous and that could only be because she cared about me.
So I spent the whole remaining afternoon with Sibu. We drove to the Garden Route Mall where she bought few clothes for herself…this girl was seriously loaded because she was buying some serious s***. She even offered to buy me some clothes but hey I had to be the man and let my pride took over so I refused, she tried to beg but it was one thing having her drive me around with her car but it was another to have her buy things for me. I couldn’t have that. So after a hell lot of walking we finally went to a restaurant where we were to have our meal. Women can shop for hours on end yohh. So I offered to pay the meal but she beat me to it…she said she got it. After refusing her to buy me some clothes she insisted that she pay for the food…ok I let her be. After that we went to the cinema where we chose a movie to watch. It was already dark outside by then. Finally I paid for something…yep I paid for the movies and the popcorns and the drinks. It was during our time at the cinema that she started playing with my manhood and damn I couldn’t deal with it so we walked out during the movie and we went to her car and have it in the car. This girl was showing me all sorts of things and I wasn’t complaining. Funny enough, she had a condom in there too. Well I asked her why and to her defence she said:
Sibu:"don't laugh nehh but I put them today because I...I can't trust myself around you", ok that was all I needed, I didn’t need more.
The following morning I had one class only. I woke up late and I found Xolani already ready for his class…he also cooked breakfast and was busy eating…ok I was shocked….cheese boy cooking?
Me:"mhmm wonder what happened this morning, I mean X making breakfast?"
X:"I can also cook you know"
Me:"I know that but you are lazy to do it though"
X:"yeahh you were nowhere near waking up this morning so I didn't have a choice, and what time did you come back last night?"
Me:"somewhere around 11 I think"
X:"and you were with Sibu?"
Me:"obviously",
X:"I don't know bro but there is something off about that chick, she doesn't seem legit to me"
Me:"I am the one dating her X so she is not supposed to be legit to you as long as I am happy with her that’s all that matters"
X:"owk owk I am not fighting Thembu, I just don't want you to expect too much because I can see that you are digging this chick way too much"
Me:"and how is that any of your spaza shop?"
X:"uhm let me keep quiet, I am off to class and sorry about what I said" I didn’t say anything else to him. I don’t know what was wrong with him though…did he expect me to live the life he was living? I mean sleeping with different girls each night? Well that was not me. I was happy with Sibu and everyone has to deal with that…including Mr Cheese boy.
After preparing myself for my class, I called Sibu while on my way. She told me that she was going home that afternoon so i was not going to be able to see her. She also told me that her father and her brother were very protective and strict so i shouldn’t make any phone calls or text...well i was fine with that. Although i felt that it was going to be a long weekend, i was gonna have to wait for Sunday.
So I was waiting for my class when someone came and pocked me from behind…damn I jumped up. I turned around and found Tshililo smiling
Me:" eish Tshili you’ll give me a heart attack I tell you" she just continued smiling
Tshililo:"sorry Thembuluwo, you’re fine?"
Me:"excellent…how about you?"
Tshililo:"can’t complain" Tshililo was not wearing anything fancy…she was in a simple jean, a top and a pumps. So we kept quiet after greeting each other and there was just an awkward silence between us.
Tshililo:"uhm the girl you were with yesterday…she is your girlfriend?"
Me:"yepp", I said with a smile…well it was no secret that I was proud to be Sibu’s man.
Tshili:"I thought you started this year"
Me:"yeah I did",
Tshili:"owww and you already have a girl friend who got a car?" she said sarcastically
Me:" how is that any of your problem?"
Tshili:"let’s just leave it"
Me:"no we are not"
Tshili:" ok I just feel like you are being too forward here Thembuluwo. You only got here like yesterday and you are already running around with some girl you hardly know nothing about?” ok I chuckled
Me:" and if I was running around with you then it would have been fine huh? Well I didn’t expect any of this from you. I only met you yesterday and already you know what’s good for me?"
Tshili:"Thembu sorry, I was just saying"
Me:"yeah right”
I left her standing there and went to the bathroom. I don’t know why everyone had a problem with me dating Sibu. First it was Xolani and now this Tshililo chic, can everybody just mind their own business for a change huh? I walked out of the toilet and walked straight to the class and Tshililo came and sat next to me. She apologised about what she said and I had no reason not to forgive her so yeah I forgave her and we moved on.
After the class Tshililo and I decided to hang around. It’s not like I had more to do with Sibulele gone. We walked to my room and found the boys there. I introduced the boys to Tshililo. So it was Friday and we didn’t have any plan. Tshililo suggested a night-in playing games. We looked at each other and X suggested that we can stock up booze and then we can have our night. So after chilling with the boys and Tshililo the whole afternoon. I went to town with the boys to get us some alcohol and the takeaways plus snacks for the night. Tshililo went to her room where she was also going to get her roommate to join us. We came back to the room quite late and the two girls were waiting for us. Tshililo introduced her friend to us as Sihle. Tshililo was also wearing a different outfit for the night. Ok I was taken there for a while…she looked good in shorts wethu. So the girls brought along a 30seconds game and they had to explain to us how it works. So we played the game after dividing ourselves in to two teams. We ate, drank and just kept on laughing through the night. We realised that it was pretty late when all of us were tired….us boys were drunk and the girls were sober because they were only drinking juice. So we decided that everyone can spend the night in our room. Tshililo and Sihle slept on my single bed…yeah they had to manage…Ncedo and Thembani slept on Xolani’s…well I don’t know why they stayed over because they didn’t stay far. As for me and X….we were on the floor bro…the pecks of having too many visitors sleeping over.
So we woke up just before 12 the following day. Yep we slept in the early hours of the morning so obviously we were tired. So everyone stumbled and walked to their rooms. But before they left Xolani announced that there was a bash happening somewhere in campus and we were all coming along. The girls didn’t want to go but hey we persuaded them so they couldn’t really turn us down. After everyone was gone Xolani went back to sleep and I started cleaning the room because it sure looked bad. When I was done I cooked some food. After that I took a shower and then came back to my room and started eating. I was busy eating when a message came through to my phone. I was hoping that it was Sibulele but it wasn’t her.
"It’s happening again Thembu, I don’t know what to do and I can’t even study…Thendo on the other side is just crying”
Ok the excitement and everything that went with it that I was feeling came down to zero. I knew what the message meant. I was confused and didn’t know what to do. I was in Western Cape people, far away from them…what was I going to do? I was the one to help my sister during times like this but now I had no idea what I was going to do. I felt like I had failed them…I should have studied at the University back at home at least I would have been close but look at me now? I haven’t even been here for a month and already my dad has started. I of all people knew how violent my dad could be and it must have been really bad for my sister to even send me a message. I tried to call my mom but she didn’t pick up so I called my sister Rendani instead.
Rendi:"hello"
Me:"Rendy I received your text, what’s going on?" i was not even sure i wanted to know
Rendi:" it’s happening again Thembu, mom is in their bedroom sleeping…I am not even sure if she is fine but I think it is worse than last time because it went on for a very long time", she was crying. Damn it…damn it that man…I couldn’t stop the tears that suddenly came. I knew my dad and I knew how my mom was at the moment.
Me:"so where is he?",
Rendi:"I think he went out because it’s quiet now"
Me:"Thendo?"
Rendi:" in your bedroom. I think he got injured a bit because dad pushed him and he hit the wall when he was trying to stop dad” ok the tears got worse. The situation at home has always been like this when I was growing up…my dad always and I mean always used to beat up my mom. I never understood why my mom never left. I didn’t want to cry because I had to be strong for my sister’s sake.
Me:"so how are you holding up?"
Rendi:" I don’t know…I just don’t understand why he keeps doing this? Why?"
Me:"one day this will all be over" even I cannot believe what I was saying
Rendi:" I don’t believe that…right now I don’t even know what to do" she sobbed
Me:" Rendi please"
Rendi:" I keep asking myself what happened…why it’s like this" she kept on sobbing
Me:" Rendi please just try to be strong…I promise to come back for you guys…uhm give mom the phone please" I walked out of the room and walked to the bathroom. I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of X. I got to the room and couldn’t help but cry as I wait for her to give the phone to our mother.
Mma:"hello" her voice was hoarse
Me:" I know we’ve been through this before but please leave him…mom leave that damn bustard…do you have any idea about the emotional damage you are doing to the kids? They are crying mom and it doesn’t end with them just crying…it does worse than that, ask me i know”
Mma:"Thembu I’ve also told you before that I can’t just up and leave. Your dad has anger problems and one day its gonna be over"
Me:" do you seriously believe that? He’s been having anger problems ever since I was a toddler and he still has it today…what makes you think he will change? So how long do you intend to be his victim? Please just pack up and leave”
Mma:"Thembuluwo you know how much I love your dad" she was my mom and all but I was getting pissed…how do you continue to love someone who hurts you like that
Me:" if you still want to be my mother you are going to pack up and leave if not then get him arrested. I can’t be stressing about what he might do next. I honestly can’t do this anymore…I am done”
Mma:"Thembu "
Me:"I told you to just leave, it’s as easy as that”
Mma:" you’ll have to forgive me but I can’t”
Damn it I threw the phone across the room and it smashed on the wall and scattered on the floor. I sat on the floor with my knees on my chest and hugged my legs and just cried. I can’t even explain the pain I felt…I was again reminded of the endless memories of my dad beating up my mother and the thought that my siblings were still going through that torture…I couldn’t deal with it. Worst part of it all was that my mom was determined not to do anything about it. She was choosing him over her and her kids. After a while I gathered all the pieces of my phone and walked back to the room. I realised when I was about to open the door that I didn’t want to be there so I walked out to the garden where I just lay on my back and fell asleep after some time. I don’t know how long I was there but when I woke up I walked back to the room only to find Xolani chilling with his phone on his hand.
He had already showered and changed into a clean outfit.
X:"where did you disappear to?"
Me:"needed some air"
X:"something wrong?"
Me:"nope just my phone" I took out the pieces of my phone and showed him.
X:"ouch did it fell?"
Me:"uhm nope I sort of like throw it against the wall"
X:"damn bruh what's eating you up, is it Sibu?"
Me:"I know you wish it was her but nope, some family problems and I'd rather not talk about them"
X:"owk I see but you can use my phone provided that you don't smash it against the wall", I chuckled
Me:"thanks X but its fine man"
X:"don't act like you don't want it because I know you do, so take it and you can give it back when you buy a new one"
Me:"ahg X"
X:"I am not going to beg you you know, this offer ends in 10 seconds" he was laughing…I couldn’t help but smile too
Me:"thanks hey"
X:"its fine Thembu, one day I will also need your help"
Me:"yeah nehh" he gave me his Samsung and I inserted my simcard. I spent the whole day just lying in bed. I was stressed out about everything that was going on at home. I must have fallen asleep for a very long time because X woke me up some time later looking like he was ready to go out
So I told Xolani that I was not up to it…that I couldn’t go out anymore. But hey who was I kidding, it’s not like Xolani was going to take no for an answer so he was about to drag me out of bed and dress me himself when I gave up and got dressed. It was already late at night. Ncedo and Thembani came to our room at past 8 and we both left and went to wait for the girls at the parking lot close to their room. After a bit of waiting they finally walked to us. Ok I am ashamed to even admit that I was taken. Looking at Tshililo I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. She was in a black short dress that drew everything of hers…it was soo tight you could see every damn thing. She had small breasts and you could see that small cleavage popping up there…she was also in heels…hevhanna I never thought my hommie was this hot, I guess I underestimated her. She also did a little bit of make-up and it looked stunning on her. She had braids that were perfectly styled. I know I know I loved Sibu and all but hey my home girl here was looking beautiful and I was shocked by how I felt just by looking at her smiling at us. I snapped out of whatever craziness was going on with me and we both drove to where the bash was taking place. There were six of us so everyone else was at the back and I was at the front seat with Xolani.
We got to the hall and it was already parked. The students were already drinking and dancing to the music. Sihle and Tshili drank juice while the rest of us drank real drinks. We were in between the drinks that I spotted Tshililo on the dance floor. I looked around us and it was really her because she wasn’t here anymore. She was moving with the music and not really sweating. I looked around and realised that few guys were actually looking at her and I was amazed at how pissed I was at the thought of someone wanting her for themselves.
Zwia Penga - Insert 4
She got out of the dance floor and walked towards us. I was already drunk by then…my head was spinning already.
Thembani:"hahhh Tshili I am speechless"
Me:"I am also speechless" I said looking at her
X:"are you sure you didn't drink Tshili?"
Tshili:"I don't need alcohol to do that" she was smiling, Sihle was standing with X, they seemed to be getting along
Tshili:"uhm Thembu you’re alright?" I couldn’t stand well anymore
Me:"I think I need to lie down"
Tshili:"maybe I should walk you to your room"
Me:"nahh you are still having fun Tshili there is no need"
Tshili:" you won’t make it to your room looking like that” so we said goodbye to everyone and left.
We walked to my room…I gave her the keys and she unlocked and we entered. I walked straight to my bed and sat down. She closed the door and walked over to me…she sat beside me. I don’t know what triggered everything but it all came flooding back and I just started sobbing. I don’t know if the alcohol was just messing with me but I cried bruh. Usually I wouldn’t cry in front of a girl but I found myself doing exactly that.
Tshili:"Thembu what’s wrong?" I just sobbed
Tshili:"Thembuluwo" I couldn’t even talk to her. She got up, came and squatted in front of me, took both my hands and looked straight into my eyes
Tshili:"Thembu talk to me please"
Me:" leave me alone Tshili" I took my hands from hers and got up. I walked to the door wanting to leave but she ran to me and closed the door and locked it and took the keys
Me:"I don’t know if you are trying to be funny but this is not funny"
Tshili:"I can’t let you leave like this Thembu"
Me:" stop acting like you are my mother" I tried to take the keys but the girl couldn’t let me. I was drunk so I couldn’t really fight her because I was wasted.
Me:"Tshililo please" I fought her until I had the keys on my hands. I unlocked the door and got out. She ran after me and came and stood in front of me. She took both my hands and looked me straight into my eyes.
Tshili:" Thembuluwo I am begging you. You are in no condition to be walking around. You are obviously upset about something so go and sleep it out or if you need someone to talk to then I am here for you” it was the way she was looking at me that made me want to listen to her. There was something about the way she looked at me, I can’t quite put my fingers around it but it was there. So I turned around and walked to my room with her behind me of course. I sat on my bed again. She sat next me and gave me a hug. After a while we let go.
Tshili:"so what’s bothering you?"
Me:"promise you won't tell anyone" I was about to open up about this to someone else for the first time…I didn’t really know this girl but there was something in her eyes that said I could trust her
Tshili:"I won’t tell anyone", I told her everything…from the very first night when I was still young when I heard a noise coming from my parents room only to find out that my mom was being beaten up. I will never forget that day. I told her about the repeat of abuse day in and day out, how I had tried to fight my dad and end up being a victim. I also told her what happened this morning.
Tshili:"wow Thembu I....uhm I....eish I don’t even know what to say"
Me:"don’t say anything, I am just glad that you listened" She hugged me again
Tshili:"I am so sorry that you had to go through all that Thembu" I stood up and held my hand out to her to stand up as well. I wanted to give her a proper hug. I hugged her so tight and after a while we broke the hug and just looked into each other’s eyes.
I don’t know what I was doing but it felt right to be here with her. Tshililo was not really tall so she stood on her toes and kissed me. I kissed her back. I was very much aware that what I was doing was wrong but I couldn’t stop myself. We kissed for a very long time and mind you she was wearing a very short dress. So I reached down to her dress and moved it up a bit so that I could reach to her private part…she didn’t stop me so I guessed she didn’t have a problem with what I was doing. I carried her up and put her on the bed. Tshili was not big...she had a very small body so carrying her around was the easiest of them all. I climbed on top of her and it was in between the kisses where we took her dress off and my shirt off. She was now on her underwear only. Things were starting to hit up…I kissed her everywhere as in everywhere. It was amazing that I was already a pro in this. It was when we were both naked when she said
Tshili:"condom Thembu"
Me:"damn I don’t have them" I said looking at her and I could see the obvious disappointment in her eyes. As f****d up as it was, I was glad that I didn’t have a condom with me because all this was a mistake…sleeping with Tshililo was going to be a mistake.
Tshili:"ow noo" she sat up on the bed. I got up and started getting dressed right away. I gathered all her clothes and threw them at her.
Me:"uhm I’m sorry Tshililo"
Tshili:" sorry for what exactly?" she was getting dressed
Me:"all this, we were not supposed to do any of this…I am sorry"
Tshili:"so I am not your type nehh?" yohh women
Me:" no that’s not what I am saying…I don’t even have a type"
Tshili:"I know your type, you want yellow bones who drives a car…obviously I don't qualify"
Me:"Tshili washu" she finished getting dressed and left without saying a word. I followed her outside only to find that she was already disappearing through the passage running.
The following morning I woke up with a killer headache. I got out of bed and took some painkillers, drank them and went back to bed. Xolani was awake and doing something on his phone
X:"so what happened between you and Tshili? She never came back to the party"
Me:"I don't really remember I was too drunk” its true I was drunk but I remembered everything that happened. I remembered what almost happened and I also remembered how beautiful Tshililo looked .
X:"owww so you had a black out?"
Me:"I think so yeah"
X:"but you have realised that Tshili likes you neh"
Me:"nahh she don’t, we are just friends"
X:"but it’s obvious she want more than that"
Me:"mxm let me sleep eish"
X:"sure"
I felt excited thinking about the fact that Subulele was coming back that day...i couldn’t wait to see her. I went back to sleep and I fell right back into my deep sleep. I woke up some time later and found Xolani already clean and sitting on his bed with his phone. I called my sister and we talked for a while, she sounded better. I then went to the shower. When I came back I was shocked to find out that Xolani was not in the room but Tshili was there instead. I didn’t expect her to be here, especially after the drama last night.
Me:" uhm hi, I really was not expecting you"
Tshili:"I know" she smiled. Ok I was still in my boxers and had to change.
Me:" can i…uhm have a moment to change please" she got up and walked to me
Tshili:"I don't mind helping you" she was running her hands on my chest
Me:"Tshili just wait a minute…please look at me" I said that holding both her hands, she looked at me
Me:"I can't do this to you owk, last night was a mistake one that should never be repeated"
Tshili:"but Thembu I brought the condom now"
Me:" No Tshililo I don’t want to play you because I have a girlfriend and you know that” Tshili:"oww"
Me:" what happened last night was not supposed to happen, I was drunk and was not sure what I was doing”
Tshili:"but I was not drunk Thembu, I knew exactly what I was doing"
Me:"I now that and I am sorry"
Tshili:"mxm" she opened the door and left
Me:"Tshili please" I said standing at the door looking at her as she was walking away as fast as she could. Girls neh?? What happened to the times where guys used to chase girls huh?
After that episode with Tshililo, i walked back to my room and spent the whole day on my laptop watching movies. I was still watching movies when i received a call from Sibu telling me that she was back in campus. Hahahaha yep i was super excited so i went to her room right away. We didn’t even greet each other when i got there...we started with the kisses and then made love. I guess that’s what happen when you miss someone so much. I spent the remaining hours of the day chilling with her.
The following day i woke up and prepared myself for a class. I went to my first class and i spotted Tshiilo sitting alone. I went and sat next to her. She seemed fine...which is not what i expected after what happened between us. I told her that i was sorry about yesterday and she assured me that it was fine. I was shocked by that, i kinda expected her to sulk a little bit. So we agreed that from now on we’ll just be friends and nothing more. After the class we went and chilled under a tree. Tshililo sat down and i lay on the ground with my head on her laps. We were chilling and just talking when i heard a very familiar voice calling my name. i looked up and Sibu was furiously looking at me. I sat up and looked at her.
Me:"hey babe"
Sibu:"and you have the guts to call me babe when you are with her?" i stood up and Tshili also did the same
Me:"no babe Tshili is just my friend"
Sibu:"friend my foot, I know what’s going on here, you were sleeping with her while I was away"
Tshili:"ahg Sibu just chill please, I am not sleeping with your boyfriend"
Me:"Tshililo just keep quiet please" unexpectedly Sibu walked to Tshili and grabbed her by her top...what the hell?
Sibu:"you don't know me and I don't know you so stay away from my boyfriend" that was a serious warning, Sibu really looked angry
Me:"uhm Sibu babe just calm down"
Sibu:"really Thembu, you’re gonna tell me to calm the f*** down? "
Tshili:"yeahh because you are just jumping the gun, nothing is happening" Sibu clapped Tshili so hard that she stumbled and almost fell...i looked at her unable to believe what just happened. After few seconds Tshililo regained her strength and went on Sibu with full force...Jesus what the hell are they doing? People close by were starting to look
Me:"uhm guys please this is not necessary" i pulled them apart and stood in between. I looked at Tshililo
Me:"uhm Tshili please leave, I will see you tomorrow in class please"
Tshili:"so you are not attending the rest of the classes?"
Me:"please just go, i am begging you" She silently took her bag and walked away
Me:"babe what was that? Tshili is my classmate, you can't just rock in here and accuse her of sleeping with me"
Sibu:"but you look so cosy together"
Me:"but I did told you that there is nothing going on though"
Sibu:"it’s just that you don't understand Thembu"
Me:"make me understand" i stood in front of her with my hands on my hips.
Sibu:"I am just afraid that you gonna leave me for a girl your own age, I love you so much Thembu and I don't want to lose you at all" she was near tears...did i hear right? I think she said she loves me
Me:"did you just say you love me so much?"
Sibu:"I think I did" she was smiling…my day was officially made. I scooped her up and spun her around as we laughed together. I felt like shouting and letting everybody know that Sibu loved me. I put her down and kissed her
Me: this calls for a real celebration come here" I took her hand and we walked to her car. She was walking to the driver’s seat when I told her that I was driving her for a change…she seemed happy by the news. So I drove us to the mall where I asked her to stay in the car while I buy some picnic stuff. When I was done we drove to a little garden just opposite PnP as you are driving on the N2 in George. Sibu was happy with the effort I was making. We spent the remaining hours of the afternoon chilling, laughing and just talking.
Zwi a Penga
Insert 5
One year later. I was still dating Sibu and things between us were still all rosy and cute. We were now an official couple at campus and I used to spend more nights at Sibu’s room than in my own. I was still staying with Xolani…my friendship with him, Ncedo and Thembani was now on another level, we were seriously close. As for Tshili…she was still my homie and my friend. She was not BFFs with Sibu but at least there were no cat fights anymore. So I failed three modules last year…I was repeating all three but the rest I passed and I was attending them with Tshili because she passed all her modules.
(Don’t get confused…this is the continuation of the first paragraph at the beginning of the story when Thembu was in hospital…everything else was just an intro)
Back to the hospital bed. Thinking about Sibu was enough to cause me even more headache. Sibu and I had been through a lot together she couldn’t have been married, it just wasn’t possible. A nurse walked in right at that moment.
Nurse:"time to eat sir"
Me:"I am not hungry, I just want to leave" the only thing I wanted was to be out of this hospital bed. I had to try and find Sibu so that I could make sense of what was happening, who knows? Maybe Sibu was just kidnapped or something like that… I refused to believe the story about her being married.
Nurse:"I will leave these here" I didn’t say anything to her, if only she knew how much I hated her or being here for that matter. I laid on that bed for a very long time as I let my thoughts took the better of me. It was then that I heard a door open and I looked at the door to find Xolani, Ncedo and Thembani walk in.
X:"hey hey mfo" seeing these stupid guys was enough to make me actually smile…I was happy to see them
Thembani:"you look scary bro" they laughed at me…I tried to laugh too but it was hard…my face was stiff and it was painful to laugh
X:"so how are you feeling?"
Me:"I am in agony bro as you can see, I can't even laugh" I winced
Thembani:"uzoba strong"
Ncedo:"so do you know those guys Thembu?"
Me:"guys I don't clearly remember what happened last night so obviously I don't remember them"
X:"I wonder why though I mean you don't really have a grudge with anyone do you?"
Me:"no…and I think those guys kidnapped Sibu"
Thembani:"what do you mean?"
Me:"I tried calling her this morning and a guy picked up her phone and he said he was her husband and I should not call her back" ok the looks they gave me said something that I couldn’t even understand
Me:"what?"
X:"uhm what if Sibu is really married?"
Me:"ahg X I know you don't like her that much but I thought we were over that already…I’ve been with that chick for over a year now"
Ncedo:"think about it bro, that chick always say that her family is strict and she ignores your calls when she is at home"
Thembani:"yeah, I mean you have been with her for like a year now and she still don't wanna talk to you when she is at home?"
Me:"I do talk to her when she is at home man but only when her dad is out of the house", X handed me my cell phone
X:"call her again and maybe she will pick up and then you will find out once and for all” I rolled my eyes and took the phone. Sibu could not have been married, the worst thing that could have happened was her being kidnapped. I dialled her number and she quickly picked up
Sibu:"hello" her voice was down but either way, I was happy that she picked up
Me:"hey babe, how are you? I tried calling earlier on and-" she cut me off
Sibu:"Uhm Thembu I am sorry about what happened last night, it was all my fault and I am sorry"
Me:"but Sibu what do you mean?" at this point I couldn’t help but panic
Sibu:"I am sorry Thembu but we can't continue with this, I am so sorry"
Me:"wh....wh....what...do...do you mean?" I was totally lost here, I couldn’t understand what this girl was tryna say to me
Sibu:"there is no easy way to say this but we are over Thembu, I am a married woman and my husband knows about you so we can't continue, don't even try to contact me again"
Me:"Si....Sib....Sibu" she dropped the call. So it was true…Sibulele was someone’s wife.
Ncedo:"uhm and?"
Me:"she is married and I hope you are all happy now"
X:"we are sorry bro"
Me:"nahh you are not, just leave please"
Thembani:"but the-" I cut him off
Me:"I said leave" my voice was calm and down…I didn’t have the energy to shout at them even though I wanted to.
I was shocked and a bit pained when I called in the morning and a man picked up the call but there was still a little bit of hope then. I thought it couldn’t be possible, that she couldn’t be married but then I called and she confirmed it. The pain that came after that phone call was something that couldn’t be explained. It was a different kind of pain. Not the same pain I felt when I witnessed my mom getting beaten up to a pulp regularly by my dad…this was something else, something so damn painful. I couldn’t believe that I was stupid enough not to now that Sibu was married. So I wasted a whole year of my life with a married woman? To think that I failed three modules because I was busy making her happy than studying. I was in denial man, maybe she was held hostage. So I tried to call her again and she dropped the call, I tried again and she still dropped it. So this was it? No more Sibulele in my life? I was not even sure how I was going to face it because Sibu had been the centre of my life in campus.
So I spent the whole afternoon lying on that hospital bed. Xolani came back to the hospital late that at night. He was with Tshililo. I was happy to see her and she was just shocked to see me so hurt. She couldn’t understand why people can just beat someone up. So I told her about Sibu being married, she sure was shocked, she couldn’t even hide that. I begged her not to give me the “I told you so” lecture because I don’t think I had the energy to deal with it. They also brought me some home cooked meal…Tshililo cooked it for me. This girl was a true friend. I informed them that there were chances of me being discharged the following day and they said they’ll be here. After about an hour they left.
Just as I had hoped…I was discharged the following day. I was feeling much better as compared to yesterday. I guess the medication was really working. I still had few bruises and scratches here and there and few pain here and there but other than that…I was good. Xolani and Tshililo came to pick me up. Yep they were happy that I was discharged. Xolani brought my clothes as well. So after signing off some paper works and collecting my meds…we left for campus. I was shocked to find Ncedo, Thembani and Sihle waiting for us in our room. There was a hell lot of booze, other drinks, snacks and actual food. Well to their defence they said they were celebrating the fact that I was still alive and kicking after the incident that took place. I was happy to be with my friends except for the fact that they didn’t let me drink…yep I was made to drink juice with Tshili and Sihle while they have fun drinking real drinks but either way I was happy to be in my room with them. Tshili and Sihle left our room quite late and the guys walked them to their room.
So the following day after Xolani had left for class. I woke up and got ready and then went to Sibu’s room. Yep I planned on not attending any classes for the day and I knew that Sibu didn’t have classes today. I got to her room and knocked. She opened the door after a while. She was still wearing her pyjama shorts and a vest. I looked at her and the first thing I wanted to do to her was kiss her and do what we used to do best but then I was reminded of the fact that Sibu was not just a girl…she was someone’s wife.
Sibu:"uhm what are you doing here?" she looked shocked to see me
Me:"we need to talk" I didn’t wait for her to invite me in, I just walked in without an invitation
Sibu:"Thembu you can't be seen here please"
Me:"or what?"
Sibu:"please Thembu you can't be seen here"
Thembu:"why not?"
Sibu:"it’s dangerous"
Me:"I don't care Sibu, please I want you back in my life" I looked at her hand and for the first time I saw a ring on her finger…damn I almost fainted.
Me:"how long have you had this?"
Sibu:"what?"
Me:"the ring"
Sibu:"been married for 2 years Thembu"
Me:"how come I never saw it?"
Sibu:"its none of your business owk, but if you must know I never wore it at school because I wanted a normal varsity life, I didn't want to be anyone's wife here"
Me:"but why didn't you tell me the truth Sibu? You knew that I love you"
Sibu:"I am sorry Thembu I wish things were different but they are not"
Me:"but why Sibu huh? Why did you make me believe that you loved me in the first place huh? So I didn't mean anything to you?"
Sibu:"it’s not like that, you meant something but I am married and we can't continue"
Me:"you feel something right? Then why can't we do it? Why can't you leave your so called husband for me?" I felt the tears falling out but I swallowed my pride and let them be. If anything was going to give me Sibu back it wasn’t my pride so I couldn’t nurse it at that moment.
Sibu:"you must be joking Thembu, you are a school kid for crying out loud, you can't offer me anything" wow one sharp stab in my heart right there
Thembu:"I can offer you love, I love you please Sibu" she chuckled
Sibu:"you can't be serious, can you maintain this standard? You can't even give me a quarter of what he gives me, love don’t don't pay the bills" whaaaat? Is this the same girl I had been with for a year?
Me:"so this is all about the money huh? The only reason why you are with him is because of the money?"
Sibu:"I love him Thembu…now go"
Me:"no I am not leaving" I was not leaving this room until I get what I wanted
Sibu:"a piece of advice, if my husband find out that you were here again, he won't hesitate to kill you"
Me:"is that a threat now?"
Sibu:"I am telling you the truth, I care about you a lot and I don't want you to get hurt please, uhm my husband is a gangster....a dangerous one at that and he has killed for me before and he can do it again"
Me:"what? So you are a gangster’s wife?" I was seriously shocked
Sibu:"yeahh and you better leave please"
Me:"I still need some answers"
Sibu:"I will contact you Thembu, we will talk but not in campus, he is having people watching me"
Me:"That’s insane"
Sibu:"just go I will call you" I winced and walked to the door. I looked at her
Me:"a kiss?"
Sibu:"please go"
So I walked back to my room and spent the whole day mopping. Xolani was shocked when he came back and found me sitting and watching movies…he was even shocked to find out that I didn’t attend my classes. I asked him to let me be so he did just that…I also told him that I went to see Sibu and that she was choosing her gangster husband over me. Xolani was shocked to find out that Sibu’s husband was a gangster, I mean who wouldn’t be…such a beautiful girl. The following day the same thing happened. Instead of preparing myself for classes…I didn’t even bother to wake up, I planned on staying in bed the whole day. I was still in bed when someone knocked, I told them to come in and it was Tshililo.
Tshili:"hey" she was walking in
Me:"hi"
Tshili:"Thembuluwo what is going on?"
Me:"am I supposed to know what you are on about?"
Tshili:"why are you destroying yourself like this?"
Me:"if you are here to lecture me nehh please leave"
Tshili:"I am not here for that, I am trying to be your friend here"
Me:"really?"
Tshili:"Thembu I know how much you love that girl and I am sorry that things didn’t end well…just know that I am here for you"
Me:" thanks for that…this whole thing is not easy, I really love her” I was near tears but I didn’t want to seem weak…imagine crying for a girl in front of another girl
Tshili:"you’ll be fine"
Me:" she never loved me Tshili, that girl never loved me…she was just pushing time and making sure that she have fun at varsity and to think that I loved her with everything that I got."
Tshili:" I know it’s bad but things happens hey"
Me:"eish yahh nehh". I was still sitting with Tshili when I received an sms from Sibu
"hi, can I see you....make a plan to come to the Cinema and book a movie, I will also do the same then we can talk inside please......we can't be seen in public together" I replied and said that it was ok. I had a little bit of hope after receiving the sms
Tshili:"uhm Thembu?"
Me:"she wants to see me"
Tshili:"for what?"
Me:"she didn't say but she just said that she wants to see me"
Tshili:"Thembu please don’t go"
Me:"I have to, I want to know why she wants to see me"
Tshili:" let her go Thembu, she is not worth it please, you can't throw your life away like this, look at you? You are not even attending your classes anymore",
Me:"Tshililo I know that you care about me but I have to do this"
Tshili:” she will hurt you again"
Me:"That’s a risk I am willing to take"
So I called Xolani and asked if I could borrow his car. He was a little reluctant at first but I actually begged him so he gave in and agreed. I drove to the cinema and smsed her the hall I was in…I even told her that I was sitting at the top left corner of the hall. I sat there and waited. After a little while she came and sat next to me…she took my hand and looked straight ahead
Sibu:"I want to apologise for everything Thembu, you are a good guy and you have been good to me so that’s why I think you deserve an explanation"
Me:"I am listening"
Sibu:"uhm my husband's name is Sivuyile, they call him Svig. He is a gangster as I have already said. I started dating him 3 years back and few months into the relationship he decided to marry me, I said yes because he was being sweet and loving but I found out after we were married that he was actually a gangster, I wanted to leave because I was terrified but he threatened to kill me" she was now crying but she continued
"I secretly dated this other guy few months after I found out about him being a gangster and he killed the guy, that’s why I want you to stay away Thembu, I can't have your blood in my hands please"
Me:"but Sibu I love you"
Sibu:"I know and I am sorry that you do but you just have to accept that you can't have me Thembu, I am Svig's wife and it ends there. We had a great time together and thank you for that"
Me:" but Sibu why did you date me in the first place if you knew what your husband is capable of killing a guy you are having an affair with?"
Sibu:"I was desperate to have a normal life, I wanted to be me not Svig's wife just for once, I wanted to be like other girls, do what they do at varsity"
Me:"you have crushed me Sibu, you killed me"
Sibu:"I am sorry Thembu, I didn't expect things to be so serious between us, I thought it was just gonna be a fling"
Me:"ow really? Did you ever love me or it was all a lie"
Sibu:"I never lied about my feelings for you, they were true, you made me feel loved, appreciated and alive
Me: so this is it?"
Sibu:"yeahh this is it” I had no choice but to accept what happened between us
Me:"I think I should go"
Sibu:"but you are not angry at me are you?"
Me:"you lied to me for a year Sibu I guess I will never get over this"
Sibu:"but Themb-"
Me:"no buts, you played me"
I walked out of the cinema and to the bathroom.
I got there and washed my face and then walked out to the car. I sat in the car for a while…I wanted to calm down before I start driving. I might have sat there for an hour before I start driving. I then drove back to the campus. Xolani was in our room alone when I got there. I gave him the keys and I think he might have noticed that I was in no mood to talk because he kept to himself and let me be.
I then walked to Tshili’s room. She was chilling with Sihle when I got there. I asked Sihle to give me and Tshili some privacy which she did.
Tshili:" so how did it go?" she said as soon as Sihle walked out, she had a concerned look on her face
Me:" it didn’t…nothing has changed, I am never going to get her back"
Tshili:"I am sorry"
She walked to me as I stood in the middle of her room and she gave me a warm tight hug…the hug lasted for quite some time. After a while we broke the hug slowly. I held her by her hips and starred at her. I don’t know why I did this, why I was doing it but it just felt right at the time. I bent down to her and kissed her…she kissed me back. I kissed her so roughly, like I was trying to release all the anger I had inside me. I carried her over to the bed with our mouths still on each other. I put her gently on the bed and we continued kissing. I was reaching for her breasts when she stopped me.
Tshili:” huh uh Thembu I can’t” yohh what the hell?
Me:"Tshililo what do you mean?" she sat up and looked at me
Tshili: we can't do this Thembu, not when you are like this"
Me:"like what?" I was getting agitated, all I wanted was to have sex with her that’s all
Tshili:"you don't feel anything for me, you just want to stop the pain you are in… I really want to help but not through sex Thembu"
Me:"owwww"
Tshili:"you need to face the heart break and get over her, sleeping with me is not going to help you"
Me:" so you don’t want me anymore?"
Tshili:" it doesn’t matter anymore Thembu you never liked me in that way and I have accepted that”
Me:"but I want you now please"
Tshili:"no you don't, you just want me to be a distraction so that you won't think about Sibu, sorry I can't"
Me:"owk” I smashed the door walking out.
No comments:
Post a Comment