Zwi a Penga (English version) 56-60

Zwi a Penga

Insert 56

Me:"owk I understand what you are saying but I am not going to have that….no

Tshili:"you can’t force me to stay Thembu"

Me:"i won’t have to force you because you are will come back to your senses and realise that we can’t be apart. Tshililo we can work something out owk? We can move you and the kids back home and i will come visit you every weekend, or we can have my mom taking care of the kids at home while we are here or we can even get rid of this pregnancy... i can do anything to keep you, Tshililo losing you will be the end of me and if we have to do an ab....i can’t even say the word...but yeah i will do it just so that i won’t lose you, you and my son are the only things making sense in my life, i will go insane if i lose you, i can’t survive a divorce Tshililo....i know i sound foolish but damn Tshililo please don’t do it, it’s gonna kill me" I was still standing against my car with her on my left. She held her tummy and looked at me. She just cried and didn’t say anything

Me:"owk i will give you space if you want, i will sleep in the spare bedroom, i will keep out of your hair Tshililo...i want you to think about this long and hard owk? Think about what you are throwing away...in spite of all the things we've been through, what you and i share is what they call love and believe me the kinda love we share only exists once in one’s lifetime, some don’t even get to experience it but we did, please don’t throw it away" I said that and walked to the house. I got there and found my son still playing with his toys in the lounge. I took my son to the bedroom and told him that I’ll be spending the night with him alone and that mommy will be in her own room because she was sick.

I woke up the following morning and prepared my son for school and then prepared breakfast for my wife and him. TJ ate and then I took him to school. I left Tshililo a note on the fridge just in case she wakes up before I come back…it says

"i don’t know what our second born will prefer so i kinda went crazy with the breakfast....hope you'll both enjoy it" well I prepared a big breakfast because I was not sure what she’d prefer

After taking my son to school i went to Xolani’s house. I had the keys so I let myself in and went straight to his bedroom and knocked

Me:" hey Xolani it’s me" i waited for a while until Xolani opened the door wearing only a jean without a shirt on

X:"and now? No man we are still sleeping"

Me:"mhm i see...that’s how i felt when you repeatedly did the same thing to me and my wife, i am just returning the favour"

X:"really now? Eye for an eye?"

Me: “maybe" we walked to the lounge together

X:"what brings you here so early?"

Me: “so i need a reason to be here?"

X:"looks like you have one so spill it out, what’s happening?" he went to the kitchen and came back with two cans of beer and gave me one

Me:"Tshililo is pregnant"

X:"what?" he was shocked

Me:"yeah"

X:"wow that’s great news" he was looking at me

X:"or maybe not...you don’t look so happy"

Me:"Tshililo want a divorce"

X:"what? Wait a minute...Tshililo is pregnant with your child and now she want a divorce? It doesn’t make sense"

Me: “she said she don’t want our kids to live the life we are living, she is afraid....i think it has something to do with the kidnapping, TJ was kinda traumatized and that threw Tshililo against the wall...she reckon that if she leave me then she will be able to provide a safe environment of our kids"

X:"what? You know what neh? I don’t know how you do it...like how do you deal with that woman? Your wife is a spoilt brat period, that girl is so confused she doesn’t know what she wants, i mean how do you divorce your husband after finding out you are pregnant with the second child? Is it even your baby?"

Me:"X don’t talk like that about my wife owk? The child is mine, she never slept with anyone"

X:"i am just being honest, the thing is you love that girl too much and you don’t even see what she is doing to you, you've always lived for her, made her happy the best way you knew how, she is the reason why you asked for my help and got involved in drugs in the first place because you wanted to help her"

Me:"Xolani stop, Tshililo is my wife and you can’t talk like that about her"

X:"soon to be ex wife, i must admit, i liked Tshililo i really did, she was like a sister to me but i am sorry to say this...it looks like your wife just doesn’t wanna be with you anymore and this is just her loophole"

Me: “you know what? I can’t keep listening to this crap"

X:"think about it Thembu...she was gonna turn against you if you killed the guy she was having an affair with...you guys were torn and the only thing that brought you back together was Bee's death and that’s it, Tshililo just wanna be out of your life and i say give her what she wants....which is a divorce but also make it a point that she don’t take a cent of your money, We can take the boy and raise him ourselves, we don’t need her to do it"

Me:"Xolani you don’t understand, i love her ok? She is the mother of my kids, i won’t give up that easily" Xolani rolled his eyes and breathed

X:"i am totally ashamed to call you my brother right now, that girl has you wrapped around her fingers and dude you aint even thinking straight" it wasn’t funny but i laughed

X:"oww lord and he is laughing at his own stupidity"

Me:" you are just insane…anyways I love Tshililo and that girl has endured too much because of me, it’s just that like everybody else she gets tired and it’s my duty to remind her how strong we are together"

X:"to think that you woke me up for this"

Me:"i can’t believe you are taking this lightly...anyways, since you are not being helpful, i am gonna leave and try to talk my wife out of this divorce idea, i think it’s the hormones" I was getting up

X:"can i kindly ask you not to talk about your wife with me ever again? In fact i don’t wanna hear about your marital issues anymore, the more you confide in me the more i don’t wanna get married so please brother don’t do it anymore....you scare the shit out of me as far as marriage is concerned"

Me: “got it brother...i still love you though"

X:"love you too" I drove back to my house

I got home and found Tshililo washing the dishes in the kitchen.

Me: “love love"

Tshili:"thanks for breakfast" she was not looking at me

Me: “anything for my wife" I said bending over to her for a kiss but she looked away

Tshili:"i meant what i said last night"

Me: “me too, the divorce is not happening and as far as i know, you are still on the thinking mode so yeah let’s leave it at that owk?" She looked at me and breathed

Tshili:"I don’t want to fight with you Thembu, I’ve thought about it and i will contact a lawyer"

Me:" it’s the hormones talking right? No problem then....Mrs 'i want a divorce' can i spend the day out with my baby girl?"

Tshili:"baby girl?" She looked confused

Me:"the one you are carrying? Can i at least spend a day with her? I wanna take her out somewhere and then do some window shopping for her stuff"

Tshili:"who said it’s a girl? And beside the child you are talking about is inside me so...."

Me: “so make a plan for me to be with my baby girl please? I mean you can tag along and i promise i will only talk to her and not you....it will be like you are not there" i gave her my charming smile

Tshili:"are you trying to torture me?"

Me:"i am trying to be a good father"

Tshili:"owk but i still want a divorce"

Me: “that’s owk...i will choose something for you to wear neh?" I was feeling excited

Tshili:"do you have to?"

Me:"nope but i want to" i smiled and walked up to the bedroom

Days went by and turned into week. Today was Friday and Tshililo was still singing a divorce song. I was trying my best to try and get her to change her mind. I mean I was cooking, running her a bath, bathing TJ and taking him to school and bringing her breakfast in bed, and take her out some times…I was doing my best but Tshililo still was not changing her mind.

My sister Rendani and Tshili’s sister Onndwela were coming down to George to check us out. I hadn’t seen my sister since I came back so I was excited. So, in the afternoon I went to the airport to pick the girls up. They were so happy to see me. They screamed and hugged me. I was happy to mostly see Rendani. She looked so grown up bruh…like she was no longer the same girl she was four years ago.

It was after we’ve chilled with the girls for a while when our new car got delivered. Yeahh baby….our Aston Martin was finally home. The girls looked at the Red Aston and screamed with excitement. The funny thing is that Tshililo and I just looked at the car and smiled a bit but there was no excitement at all. I guess life can do that to you….it can hit you so hard that you don’t see the reason to get excited for something like a new car…I think what we really needed was freedom, not material things. The girls asked to take the car for a spin and we gave them the keys.

Me: “they are happy" I said as soon as the girls drove out

Tshili:" I envy them" we were standing at the door leaning against it

Me:" we can be happy again Tshililo" I was looking at her. I was telling the truth, all we had to do was try again

Tshili:"please don’t start"

Me: “wow so that’s how you feel about us?"

Tshili:" I won’t change my mind Thembu, i have to choose between what’s best for our kids and what’s best for us and i chose the kids owk"

Me:"Tshililo washu" she walked inside the house and I followed

Me: “so Xolani was right, you just don’t love me anymore?"

Tshili:"you know that’s not true"

Me:" I am getting tired of begging here, i have done my best and if you still don’t see the reason to stay then it’s cool....just get a lawyer and give me the papers, i will sign them, I mean that’s what you want"

Tshili:"Thembuluwo i-"

Me: “just shut up Tshililo, does it ever occur to you that I am also a human being and feel pain? And that I also get tired? I have accepted that a person can fall out of love and if you wanna raise these kids by yourself then its fine. We will wait for the girls to leave on Sunday and then we can start discussing divorce conditions...don’t act funny when they are here, i don’t want them to know before we tell our parents"

I walked up to the bedroom. My marriage was over, it was obvious that Tshililo just didn’t want me anymore. I got to the bedroom and tears started coming out. Tshililo was everything to me and for weeks i was trying to be a man and putting up a front trying to be strong but the honest truth is i kept on hoping for her to change her mind. But now it was final, that girl didn’t feel anything for me anymore. I stood against the wall and sobbed. I don’t know how i was going to start over, life without Tshililo didn’t seem possible at all.

So it was Sunday just before Rendani and Onndwela left when Rendi called me aside to talk in private. She told me that she’s seeing someone. Well that freaked me out a little, I mean she was still my baby sister. But that was nothing compared to the bomb she dropped when she said that Svig aka Sivuyile was the someone that she was talking about. Yohh I almost choked on my saliva bruhh…like how the hell? She told me she loved him…I tried to tell her that he was dangerous and that he had killed his wife but she said that she knew all about that and he made her happy and that he’d never kill her because she’d never do to him what Sibu did. She made him sound like a different person but the Sivuyile that I knew was nothing else but a monster. She said that all he needed was someone to love him and she was that someone. I gave up trying to make him look bad because the girl seemed determined. Plus she was 21 so she was not a kid anymore. I was just hoping that the picture she painted for me was correct…that he was good with her.

Zwi a Penga

Insert 57

With the girls gone then it was back to me and Tshililo again. I spent the whole afternoon playing with my son and trying my best to avoid Tshililo. After taking my son to bed I went to the lounge and found Tshililo watching TV.

Me: “so....how are we doing this?"

Tshili:"i will get a lawyer"

Me: “so we are really doing this?"

Tshili:"yeah"

Me:"owk uhm Tshililo just take whatever you want, I don’t have the energy to argue with you, i love you and our kids so just take anything"

Tshili:"i don’t want everything...i will move out, i will rent a flat and I will also take one car, I can even get a ford"

Me:"Tshililo you won’t be staying at some flat with my kids, no ways"

Tshili:"i will find a house but i am not in a rush, I want to get myself a job first so that i can be stable"

Me: “stable?"

Tshili:"i have to work; I can’t rely on your money for life Thembu"

Me:"ow so my money is not good enough for you anymore?"

Tshili:" I didn’t say that"

Me: “what are you saying exactly? Because it seems like the only thing you talk about these days is divorce"

Tshili:"Thembuluwo i don’t wanna fight, I am tired of this life ok?”

Me:"ow great, you finally said it...so it’s not about the kids, it’s about you being tired of this life, you wanna go back to Ndivhuwo right?"

Tshili:"oww Marry mother of Jesus, i can’t do this" she said getting up

Me: “it’s fine Tshililo, i understand you want nothing to do with me so i am out of here…you’ll let me know after drafting the divorce papers with your lawyers, just take whatever you want"

Tshili:"we should also discuss the kids"

Me: “are you trying to kill me or what? I am stressed Tshililo, you are leaving me and i can’t be discussing such things right now....just do whatever rock your boat, i aint good enough for you mus" I took the keys for my Aston and went to the door

Tshili:"sorry"

Me:" I am also sorry...for believing every dumb thing you've said to me about love because it was all lies"

I drove to some club…I needed a drink. I ordered few drinks. A girl came up to me

Girl:"hey handsome" I gave her a death stare and called for more shots

Girl: “stressed huh?" Ok I got irritated

Me:"i don’t care who you are and i don’t wanna know you so if its alcohol you want just say so and i will buy for you so move your lil a** outta my face ok?" The girl just looked at me and walked away.

The last thing i needed was a woman. So I got drunk until I couldn’t even talk anymore. I then dialled Xolani who came running when he realised how drunk I was…he didn’t want me to drive while drunk. He then took me to his place. I was a mess…he took me to a spare bedroom and got me to bed. I started crying and told him how I never thought Tshili would leave me and how much we’ve been through together…Xolani was sad for me. He then said something about going to see Tshililo, he said he wanted to have a talk with her. Well I wanted to stop him but I couldn’t because I was too tired.

TSHILILO

So I was in bed thinking about the decision I took and everything else that’s been happening. Someone knocked at the door; I knew that it was Thembuluwo so I let the person in without even looking at the door. They opened and walked in.

"Tshililo!" What? That was Xolani's voice. I sat up on the bed feeling shocked, he switched on the light. Owk he was pissed

Me:"Xolani" i whispered

Me:" what brings you here so late?"

X:" you are what’s bringing me here, i want you out" owk honestly I was lost…what was he trying to say to me?

Me:" Xolani what are you talking about? "

X:"i don’t know what kind of a game you think you are playing girly, but whatever it is, it’s over and since my brother is not good for you anymore, i want you out of here" I got out of bed and looked at him…I needed to be up for this…I was in my PJs

Me:" you are joking right?"

X:"why would i do that with you right now? I mean Thembu is no longer wanted so you better leave his money as well, so just walk away with whatever you brought into this marriage...which is......ahhh yourself i guess" I closed my eyes trying to control the anger I had

Me:" I am married to your brother and everything he owns belongs to me too so if you don’t mind, I will call the police on you" he looked at me and laughed

X:"my brother is wasted, stressed and he is crying like a damn toddler and you think i am gonna let you have a good time? Tshililo you will pay for hurting him" owk that broke my heart

Me: “what? Where is he? Xolani I want to see him" i was walking to the door and he stopped me

X:"really? Haven’t you hurt him enough?"

Me:"Xolani I am trying to protect the kids"

X:"so you keep saying"

Me:" I am being honest, i want them to be better than this, I am just scared ok? You of all people know that I almost lost TJ because of all this....i can’t take any more risks with my kids’ life, i have to be a better mother to them" he looked at me and shook his head

Me:" I want to see him"

X:"like i said, he is wasted, you won’t be seeing him anytime soon as for the assets that you think you own half of....well it’s pretty much nothing Tshililo, you won’t get a thing, you know why?"

Me: “why? You are talking bull right now"

X:"Thembuluwo doesn’t really have much on his name, this house is mine....remember it was a surprise after your wedding?" Oww no

X:"and as for the businesses, all the businesses are legally mine, except for one construction company which is now in your boy's name" this can’t be

Me: “you are bluffing, i know what the accounts have"

X:"those are my business accounts, remember before Thembu got arrested i gave him the control over them? And i also gave him the access to the money but they were still on my name so basically Thembu doesn’t legally have a thing, i gave him control so that he can have a source of income and he got arrested before he could open his own business" i know i was not after money but eish I had forgotten about this arrangement between Thembu and Xolani, but i remember all about it, it happened when Xolani was in a coma and he left Thembu in charge of his assets

X:"and as for the salary that we earn...Tshililo that money is illegal, you can’t claim it anywhere and you know we don’t keep it in the bank so it doesn’t exist" my head started spinning

Me:"Xolani just go"

X:"no you are going...i don’t want you cleaning up my brothers money that’s in the safe in desperation so you have five minutes to choose your favourite jean and a t shirt and get out of here" I felt like I was dreaming…no Xolani can’t be serious

Me:"Xolani please" i cried

X:"see? I can ruin your life if i want to Tshililo, you can go back to a village girl you were when we met you in just a minute so be grateful that you met my brother" I just sat on the bed with tears in my eyes

X:"i just wanted to show you that it can all be taken away so just be thankful that you have TJ and the little one that you are carrying, Tshililo i was gonna leave you in the streets"

Me:"Xolani why are you doing this to me, I really love Thembu, I do”

X:" As from today, i suggest that you keep that love to yourself because you are torturing him man....and as for this divorce...i will talk to my lawyer and i will get to decide what you are getting"

Me: “what?"

X:"yeah I don’t trust Thembuluwo around you. He can give you everything he owns including the money in the safe. Don’t even try to withdraw any money or steal from the safe because I’ll make your life a living hell" I looked at him and nodded

X:"i once liked you Tshililo, i did...but you've changed, there was a time i wished i could find a woman like you, and now...." he put his hands in the air and sat on the couch

X:"now i am scared of marriage because of you, i have always been afraid of commitments and now with you and Thembu so close to me, that fear is just growing more and more"  I didn’t  know what to say

X:"i don’t know what happened to that girl we used to go clubbing with, the girl we used to play 30seconds with, the girl who could do anything for my brother, the girl that made me want my brother to be the best because i knew she deserved the best....i remember when i fought with him and didn’t speak with him for few days after finding out he was with Terresa, you were like my sister Tshililo, i wanted you guys to work it out so bad ,i did all i could, i looked after you like you were my sister when he was in jail" he looked at me and a tear fell off his eye

X:"i loved you two so much and now it feels like you are leaving both of us...if the only reason you are leaving him is the kids, Tshililo i can take care of the kids, i can" i was feeling so emotional and talking seemed like the most difficult thing to do. He stood up and looked at me

X:"come" he held out his hands. I walked to him and he hugged me so tight

X:"whatever happened to that girl, I miss her...Thembu misses her too"

Me: “she’s become a mom and have to think as such"

X:"my brother truly loves you Tshili and please i am gonna ask you to stay away from him, you've really broke him and a better way for him to heal will be for you to stay away...i will draft the papers so long" he said that and broke the hug and then walked to the door

X:"if i hear that you are dating someone anytime soon, I swear on my brothers grave Tshililo you will see what i am made of....you will die a Mudau"

Xolani walked out of the room and he saw Zoleka running down the stairs. He ran after her

X:"Zoli bbe" she ran out of the door and he followed her outside. He took her hand, she was crying

X:"Babe what’s wrong?"

Zoli:"i followed you here because i was worried and i saw that" Xolani was now confused

X:"that being?"

Zoli:"you love her” he stood there with his hands on his hips…he was shocked

X:"what? Zoleka babe, do you even hear what you are saying? Tshililo is my brother’s wife for heaven’s sake"

Zoli:"you care about her more than you do about me....you run around so much for her and her kid"

X:"owww nkosi yam unofefe this is not about her owk? This is about my damn brother Zoleka....how many times should i tell you that? I have lost a twin brother and that pain is still here" he was pointing at his chest

X:"i try but it’s still painful and seeing my brother happy fills up the pain and the void my twin brother left and seeing him suffer? Well it kills me, it hurts in a way i can’t explain Zoleka.....i love him ok, he is the only thing that remind me of Xolile, the only reminder except for pain that i once had a twin, i want him to be happy so that i can also be happy" he sobbed and she hugged him

THEMBULUWO

I woke up the following morning and my head was pounding. Xolani was in bed with me…so he slept here? Damn this guy loved me joe. So we joked about how he run around for me and how he said I shouldn’t tell him about my problems. After laughing I told him that I wanted to go see Tshililo. He didn’t want me to. He told me that he talked to her last night and that she wanted nothing to do with me so I should just accept what happened and move on. It wasn’t easy but after everything that Xolani had been doing for me, I decided to listen to him.

TSHILILO

The following morning I decided to go to my old job and ask them to take me back. If I was to stand on my own feet then I needed job and this seemed like a quickest job I could get. After the episode with Xolani I knew that I couldn’t really rely on the Vhadaus. So i went to the office and went straight to Ndivhuwo’s office. I didn’t schedule a meeting but I was hoping that he’ll have some time for me. So I got there and told him that I was wondering if I could have my job back. He asked me why and what changed. I told him that I was getting a divorce and I wanted to stand on my own two feet. He didn’t ask any further questions, He told me that he had already sent my resignation letter to the top management and they were working on advertising my post so he’ll try talk to them and hear what they say.

I called my friends so that we can do lunch together and they both agreed. I went to the restaurant and met up with Rotenda and Sihle. Rotenda cleared the air about the Bongani issue. She told me that she was dating Bongi’s friend and when I walk in that night the friend was in the bathroom. She told me that Bongani told her about our friendship and all that. I smiled feeling all dumb…the girls gave me a bit of a lecture about being jealous for Bongani…it wasn’t a serious lecture though; it was more of a laughing matter. Anyway I told them about the pregnancy and they were happy. I then told them about divorce and that I was initiating it. They went crazy on me…like they couldn’t understand why I could leave someone I loved so much. I tried to explain the reason why but they still didn’t get it. They went on and on about how difficult it was to find a soulmate and that I should try make it work with Thembu. I told them that my mind was really made up.

THEMBULUWO

It was in the afternoon and I was chilling with my brother in the lounge while Zoleka was in the kitchen. We were making arrangements to go pick up my son from school. I wanted to pick him up but Xolani volunteered to do it instead. Zoleka then walked into the lounge and threw a dish cloth at Xolani…she was pissed. She then ran to the bedroom and Xolani followed her.

X:"Babe what happened?"

Zoli:"i am tired Xoli...i am going home" she was crying. Xolani cupped her face and looked deep in her eyes

X:"what are you talking about now?"

Zoli:"i have tried to make it work Xolani but i cant....last night you spent the night with your brother because you said he needed you, you've been together all morning and now you are going to pick up his kid and you gonna spend the day together, mna where do i fit in?"

X:"Babe you do know that you fit in everywhere"

Zoli:"you know i love TJ, i do and i love your brother too but this whole thing got me thinking...is this how it’s gonna be? You running to your brother's rescue and leave me alone every time? Thembuluwo is not a boy, he is your age and he can definitely take care of himself...i understand you feel the need to support him and be there for him but how long are we gonna live like this? Until he gets a new girlfriend?"

X:"Babe no hear me out"

Zoli:"I don’t mind him staying with us but what bothers me is that you just wanna do everything for him, make decisions for him but he is a man, let him live his own life and stop living it for him and live yours" she started taking all her clothes out of the closet. Xolani grabbed her hand again

X:"please"

Zoli:"i can’t be your second best anymore Babe, Thembu is living his life and having fun and all you do is wait for him to mess up so that you can pick up the pieces" she then took out one big bag

X:"Zoli no you can’t be serious, no babe don’t leave me" she ignored him

X:"Zoleka i am begging you, i need you in my life" she continued packing without looking at him.

Zoli:"nothing you say will make me stay, i am tired" Xolani was frustrated

X:"but Zoli you know i love you, what am i gonna do without you?" She ignored him. He went to her and took her hand and then went down on one knee

X:"Zoleka please don’t leave me, i love you owk, i am sorry that i haven’t been really showing it but i do and i don’t know what I’ll do without you so please don’t"

Zoli:"no i ca-"

X:"Marry me....will you please marry me" he had fear in his eyes

Zoli:"what?"

X:"be my wife babe please...i know i am not good at this commitment thing or let me just confess and say i am scared of marriage Babe, i am...but if doing the one thing i am scared to do is the only way to keep you in my life then i will do it because i know for a fact that i want to spend the rest of my life with you"

Zoli:"Xolani"

X:"Zoli i want to see your face every morning when i wake up for the rest of my life, from now on i want to focus on us, just don’t leave me....i know i don’t have a ring with me because i didn’t plan this but just say yes"

Zoli:"uhm…"

X:"when i saw you unpacking your stuff from that closet i felt my heart breaking, i thought the only thing that could really hurt me was seeing my brother unhappy but i realised that i was losing a part of myself, i want to be with you forever...i want to make you happy, i want to make you my wife, i want us to have kids together. Please say you want that too" they looked at each other and said nothing

X:"bbe please say something" she turned around and looked away from him…Xolani got up and went to stand in front of her

X:"i know it’s not all sweet and romantic and you probably think i am just saying this because i don’t wanna lose you, well its true, but is it a bad thing to be afraid to lose someone? Plus i have always wanted you to be my wife and i just didn’t know when i will make it happen so i guess it has to be now" she looked at him and smiled

Zoli:"you look so cute when you are pleading"

X:"is that a yes?" She smiled even more

Zoli:"a big yes, i will marry you Xolani Mudau"

X:"yesssss!!" he carried her and swung her around

X:"you have no idea how happy you've made me" he put her down and just looked at her

Zoli:"owk let’s get this straight, Xolani Mudau is excited for marriage? Isn’t this the part where you cry that your freedom is about to end?" She was smiling

X:"not a chance Mrs Mudau i am thee happiest man alive"

Zoli:"i love you so much bbe"

X:"i love you too honey love"

THEMBULUWO

The following morning i went back home. With Xolani and Zoli engaged I wanted to give them some space. So I was sleeping in the spare bedroom of my house. And oww Tshililo and I made love but it still didn’t change the fact that we were getting a divorce. Well the sex was more about me showing her what I am capable of. I also told her that if ever she feels that she wanted it…she should come to me. I didn’t want my wife sleeping with some dude while pregnant with my child…I wanted her to know that if ever she was sexually frustrated then I was here for her.

So Tshililo and I discussed Divorce conditions. She was keeping the kids if they are staying in George and I would see them on weekends. I was obviously giving her some cash…she was getting one car, I wanted to give her my Aston Martin but she refused so I gave her the Benz instead. I told her that I’ll want to be involved with the pregnancy as well. I wanted to go to all the check-ups and everything else that involved the pregnancy. I asked her not to sign the papers yet…I wanted us to wait a while before signing anything. I asked her for a separation for now. She kept on telling me that nothing was going to change her mind and I told her to just sign the papers after few weeks still.

Xolani and I had a meeting in town regarding our assets. With Xolani getting married he said that he wanted to ensure that if ever him and Zoli get divorced then she don’t take the family’s empire with her or if he dies or something like that. Our best bets was putting the assets under our mom’s or siblings…dad was out of the question…that old man couldn’t really be trusted. Xolani said that he trusted Zoli and he wished they were not gonna divorce but a man got to be prepared in this world. I mean look at me and Tshililo.

Zwi a Penga

Insert 58

One month later

So Tshililo managed to get a two bedroom flat and she moved out and left me in the house. Xolani was the one doing TJ pick-ups from and taking him back to Tshililo. I was tryna stay out of her hair as best as I could. She hadn’t done any check-up for the pregnancy yet…it was still at about two months and she said that she’ll start with the monthly check-ups at three. I can’t even begin to describe how it was like without her. The house was too big and empty. And ow Tshililo went back to work and that was eating me up…the fact that she was with that Ndivhuwo guy everyday along with my child hurts so damn bad but hey I had to be a man and suck it up. Xolani and Zoleka seemed happy, their wedding was in six month time. They had told our parents about their engagement and about the fact that they wanted to get married. Everyone was happy for them. Tshili and I hadn’t told the family about our separation yet.

TSHILILO

Life without Thembuluwo was really weird. He had been part of my life for far too long. I missed him half the time but I had to be strong and do this. There was no going back anymore.

It was a normal working day and I took my son to school and then went to work. I was busy working when someone knocked on the door and I let them in. I got the shock of my life when I saw Bongani walking in

Me:”Bongani?” i couldn’t hide the shock

Bongi:”hey”

Me: “how did you-“

Bongi:”well Rotenda told me you work here and then the receptionist showed me in”

Me:”ow I see, you can have a seat” I was kinda shocked to see Bongani in my office…I was wondering why he was here

Bongi:”hope you are not all too busy”

Me: “just a bit, I am not trying to be rude or anything but why are you here?”

Bongi:”yah I was kinda expecting that, I mean we haven’t really talked in years and I just barged into your office”

Me:”yeah”

Bongi:”I just wanted to see you” I raised an eyebrow

Bongi:”we were once good friends Tshili and I never really got over our friendship, I mean we all know how and why it ended”

Me: “I don’t mean to be rude again but that was ages ago”’

Bongi:”yeah I know and rumour has it that you are getting a divorce meaning that our friendship can be resurrected” I just looked at him and smiled

Bongi:”owk let me cut my visit short, dinner tonight please”

Me: “I stay with my son, I am sorry”

Bongi:”lunch then?" maybe i do deserve to have lunch with an old friend after all

Me: “I guess we can try lunch” he looked at me and smiled

Bongi:”I will come pick you up and bring you back neh?” he said that getting up

Me:”nahh Bongi I will dri-“

Bongi:”I am not taking no for an answer, you are single now and I guess we can re-candle our friendship” he was smiling

Me: “I guess I can’t say no to that” Bongi was still standing like that when Ndivhuwo walked in…he saw Bongani and gave me his pissed look

Bongi:”I better get going, see you at lunch”

Me: “see you then” and he walked out

Ndivhuwo:”what was that?”

Me:” what was what Ndivhuwo?”

Ndivhuwo:”owk are you done with the MOVs?”

Me:”eish sorry let me finish up ok?”

Ndivhuwo:”but you know that I am supposed to submit everything today right?

Me: “sorry Ndivhuwo, I will send them to you within an hour”

Ndivhuwo:” this habit of letting men in this office is what’s causing the delay”

Me:”Ndivhuwo what men? That guy is just a friend”

Ndivhuwo:” a friend? A friend who is taking you to lunch?”

Me: “the sooner you get out of here, the sooner I can start working, what’s your problem?” he walked to my desk and leaned over to me

Ndivhu:” you are my problem Tshililo, I am still in love with you owk? I am trying to stay away but I can’t. Seeing you every day is torture...when I saw that guy standing over here talking about lunch…damn I kinda lost it a bit” owk now I was confused

Me:”Ndivhuwo I thought we are way past that” he stood up straight and gave me a fake smile

Ndivhuwo:”past it? Tshililo I am still mad about you, I think about you every time and last week I called my helper by your damn name….i….i am losing it” I just sat there and blinked

Ndivhu:”you are free now, we can give it a try”

Me:” I can’t”

Ndivhu:”just one dinner please”

Me:” I am pregnant Ndivhuwo” he looked at me for a while without saying anything. I was sure as hell that the pregnancy will make him give up on me. He walked to the door and opened it and just stood there. He then closed it and turned around and looked at me

Ndivhuwo:”I don’t care Tshili, we can raise that child together, I can hold your hand throughout your pregnancy. I have a daughter and obviously I am not looking for a virgin so I don’t mind if you have five kids or what…I love you and if you give me a chance then I promise not to disappoint” he said that and walked out. I don’t know what was going on in this universe. I mean Ndivhuwo agreed when I came back to work that he won’t ever say anything about us…but look at him today

I followed ndivhuwo to his office…I wanted us to iron out the issue at hand. I knocked and walked in. He was sitting on the chair when I arrived

Ndivhu:” you may have a seat”

Me:” no I will stand”

Ndivhu:”ok let’s hear it”

Me:”Ndivhuwo if working here is not good for you then I will find myself another job. And if you knew that you still wanted me then why did you let me come back? I asked you if you’ll be okay with me being here and you said yes ”

Ndivhu:” Tshililo you wanted financial help…how heartless could I be to turn you down?”

Me:”owk I get that but Ndivhuwo we can’t date…I want you to please accept that”

Ndivhu:”but why Tshili? If you are worried about the baby I told you that I don’t mind”

Me: “I just can’t owk?”

Ndivhu:” you are afraid of him?”

Me:” I am just not ready to move on and I don’t want you to wait around for me”

Ndivhu:”how about I tell you that I can protect you…I mean if you are afraid of your husband and his gangsters then I can seriously protect you”

Me: “that’s not the reason why, even if it was how can you possibly protect me? Don’t even mention the police because they are not a match” he looked at me and gave me a smile I’d never seen before. It looked a bit dangerous…he got up and walked to me

Ndivhu:”I know you are attracted to bad boys Tshililo, I have seen girls like you” owk now he looked really dangerous

Me: “what are you on about?” he came and bent over to my face

Ndivhu:”I never thought I can tell anyone about this…especially here where nobody knows me” now I was scared

Ndivhu:”I am what your husband is…i….i am a gangster Tshililo, I deal drugs, bomb atms and I steal cars” my mind stopped functioning. I couldn’t do anything except just blinking. I looked at him and felt fear. What the hell has this world come to huh? Am I a magnet that only attracts bad guys? I mean Ndivhuwo can’t be what he said he is, noo I didn’t want to believe it

Ndivhu:”Tshili your husband doesn’t scare me…in fact I can destroy him if I have to…I just want you to give me a go ahead” there….i felt it….i am talking about a damn severe headache…my head started pounding right at that second. It didn’t make sense though…if this was true then what about the story about him growing up at the children’s home and all that crap about getting a bursary…was that a lie? I turned around and walked away from him

Ndivhu:”buttercup say something”

Me: “buttercup Ndivhuwo? I am not your buttercup. Do you think that just because you told me that you are a big bad criminal then I will suddenly want to be with you? No man, I have had enough gangster experience to last me a life time and I want nothing to do with that life”

Ndivhu:”Tshili” he came and kneel in front of me…yohh

Me:” so everything you told me was a lie? I am talking about your precious sad upbringing at the children’s home….were you trying to impress me?” I was angry at him but most of all I was afraid. This guy was a real thug, he didn’t just deal drugs but he did all sorts of criminal activities

Ndivhu:”not everything. Everything is the truth except the part where I passed grade 12 while still at the children’s home. What really happened is that I ran away from the home while I was in Grade 11 and left for Johannesburg with a friend of mine. He got me a job to sell drugs. I didn’t mind because I wanted money. So before I knew it we were being ordered to steal cars and then atm bombings” my head was spinning

Ndivhu:” and just like that I was in. two years down the line I had enough cash so I went back to school and did grade 11 and 12…I was still doing the piece jobs on the side though. After Grade 12 I registered at UJ…after my Degree I started working…I mean working at a proper job. I don’t work for money, it’s just something I love doing, it helps me think…I don’t want to be just a thug”

Me:”i…I have to go” this was all too much for me. I didn’t want to be involved with him in any way

Ndivhu:”I am still the same person Tshili, don’t be afraid”

Me: “this is all too much Ndivhuwo, my head is literally buzzing…I mean while you are here working…who is bombing the atms now?” I said sarcastically, I don’t even know why I asked that

Ndivhu:”I am a boss now and I have people running things for me, I wanna relax and being here help me do that”

Me: “this is unbelievable”

Ndivhu:”I know but the bottom line is that I can take care of you and I can also protect you against his groupie. I have done my research about them and they don’t scare me” this explained why Ndivhuwo had never been afraid of Thembu, that’s why he kept on saying  that he would protect me

Me: “so when you said you’d run away with me you were lying? I mean when you were pretending to be scared of Thembu”

Ndivhu:” I was not prepared to tell you that I am a thug but right now I can see that lying to you will cost me us…I had to be honest with you”

Me: “if you think all this will make me want you then you are mistaken, I can’t” I said that and walked to the door. He walked to me and took my hand. I was so scared of him. He might have sensed that because he quickly let go

Ndivhu:”Tshililo please don’t be afraid of me”

Me: “so you also do guns?” this was a stupid question…of course he had guns. I was just confused that’s why I was asking stupid questions. He looked at me and laughed

Ndivhu:” you have an answer to that”

Me:” can I go back to my office to work?  I can’t deal with all this”

Ndivhu:”owk just know that I love you Tshililo and I want you to be the queen in my kingdom” I walked towards my office and turned around, he was standing at the door looking at me. My heart was beating so fast ' queen in my kingdom' the words echoed in my brain

Me: “why are you not with your baby momma?” he looked at me with his eyes wide open…the question shocked him. I don’t know why but i wanted to know

Me: “after the bomb you just dropped, I think I can handle anything so tell me” he walked to me

Ndivhu:”she didn’t like what I am, we met at the University, she fell pregnant with my baby. We moved in together. At first I just told her that I have businesses but as time goes I told her what I really do for a living, but she was not happy at all…so she left me”

Me:”uhm owk, can I finish that MOV? I will email it to you within an hour”

Ndivhu:”so you are still going to lunch with that guy?”

Me:”yah” he just nodded and walked to his office’

Seriously what Ndivhuwp told me was a real bomb. I was still struggling to believe it. So my morning was very long. I managed to send Ndivhuwo the document he wanted within an hour just like he wanted.

At one o’clock Bongani came to pick me up. My heart and mind was no longer on this lunch. So he picked me up and we drove away. I was starting to ask myself if Bongani was also a thug of some sort…I mean everyone around me seemed to have a story to tell

Bongi:”Tshililo!” I snapped out of my thoughts

Me:”huh”

Bongi:” I’ve been talking to myself in here….it’s obvious that your mind is not here, what’s wrong?”

Me: “just stop the car” he looked at me in shock and then looked straight ahead again

Me: “please Bongani just stop” he stopped on the side of the road. I quickly got out of the car. I was stressed and scared. I started pacing with my one hand on my hip and another one on my forehead. Bongani walked to me

Bongi:”owk Tshililo you are scaring me now” damn I looked at him and realised that I didn’t even notice how hot he looked, he was so cute shame. He was in faded denim jean and a shirt…he also wore a nice boot that went along with the jean. Honestly Bongani was a good looking guy with nice sexy lips and all that. But at the moment his sexiness meant nada, it didn’t mean a thing

Bongi:”Tshili what is wrong?” he tried to touch me and I quickly removed his hand from me

Me: “so what’s your story? I mean like what’s your angle? What do you want form me? What the hell do you want Bongani?” I was freaking out

Bongi:”what? Tshililo what did I do to you?”

Me:”yeah…everyone seems to be interested in the piece of me and every damn one have some scary skeletons in their closet…so what are yours? Do you kill people for a living? Do you have a gang? I mean what do you really do? Don’t tell me about being a Doctor because that’s just a front you are putting up to hide who you really are…so which one is it?” he looked at me like I was going crazy

Bongi:”why are you asking me all this? Why would I kill people? I save people’s lives in case you’ve forgotten about that”

Me: “bull!!! Bongani you are 30 or 31 years old and not married and no kids and here you are running after me”

Bongi:”wow owk” he put his hands on his hips

Bongi:”I am a doctor Tshili, that’s all I am….i understand you are used to the life your baby daddy is living but that’s not who I am and as for why I am taking you out…well we can’t choose who we like right? And I won’t lie to you and said I don’t have anyone at the moment, I do have someone but me and you…we were once great friends and I just wanted us to catch up”

Me: ‘now is not really a great time…I am going through some stuff so I can’t make it to lunch I am so sorry…I will try and get a taxi back to the office”

Bongi:”no it’s fine I will take you” shame he was sad. I walked to him

Me: “sorry Bongani I am honestly not in a good space, I am going through some bad stuff, I learned something so horrible and scary about someone I thought was a good person…so I can’t trust you right now, I am so sorry”

Bongi:”remember there was a time we used to discuss everything right? We used to be best friends; you used to trust me so much…I was just hoping to get a bit of it back”

Me: “I am sorry I don’t think you will have it back”

Bongi:”I understand, let me take you back” I got in the car and looked out the window…he started the car.

We got to the office and I said goodbye to him and walked in. in less than a minute Ndivhuwo walked through my door. He closed the door and stood against it

Ndivhu:”that was quick”

Me:” can I please take half day? I wanna go home”

Ndivhu:” what’s wrong?”

Me:” why are you even asking me that though? I am still trying to digest everything you told me today and I also need to decide whether to continue working with you or not and I have to make a choice of what I really want in this life and I should stick to just that” I was putting my laptop in the bag

Ndivhu:”owk take your half day if you want to rest” after I was done I took my laptop bag and my handbag and walked to the door

Ndivhu: Wait” he put his hand on my shoulder

Ndivhu:” I love you Tshililo and I want a life with you. I have never loved anyone like this. I want you and I’ll do anything to make you mine. But one thing for sure, I won’t force you to do anything, I want you to choose me because you want to. I can make you happy Tshililo, you won’t have to fear anything with me. You won’t have to take a front row seat at the gangster movie we are playing, you’ll be at the background and I know that’s not the case at the moment because your husband works under someone but with me you won’t even know that I have some businesses on the side. I will be there for you 24/7, we can work here together or leave this job, whatever you’ll prefer. I can turn your life around Tshili, give you a chance into a new life….all you have to do is say yes to me and you can own me. I am just a broken man who need nothing else but love. I know you are scared because you don’t know me, but I know me and I know that I am capable of making you happy and turning your life around. I promise to give you all my heart…I can love you with every bit of me…I can give you my full attention Tshililo. You are a beautiful woman and one day I want to see you carrying my child, we can make it happen…I won’t rush you, take all the time you need, think about it and once you’ve made your decision then come to me” and with that speech he walked out.

Owk now I was totally confused. I had never met someone who loved me the way that Thembu loved me, yet here i was....a man had just confessed his unconditional love for me....the big question was, what do I want? Ever since Thembuluwo came back I never considered the possibility of being with Ndivhuwo until....until....no i am not gonna say it because it doesn’t change anything. The fact still remains that Ndivhuwo was not what i thought he was and who knows what else he was hiding.

Zwi a Penga

Insert 59

TSHILILO

So I got home and had a lot to think about. That evening I took my son to Xolani and told him that I needed to go see his brother but didn’t want TJ with me. He was happy to watch over the baby for me. I then drove to Thembu’s house.

THEMBULUWO

I was busy packing up the grocery I bought when someone knocked. I went to the door and opened. I found Tshililo standing there looking as beautiful as ever. I hadn’t seen her in like forever and looking at her again was refreshing. I wanted to hug her and kiss her and just do things to her but then i was again reminded that Tshili wasn’t mine anymore.

Tshili:” I know that you are surprised to see me here” we were looking each other in the eyes

Me:” Actually i am not” owk she didn’t smile or anything, in fact I couldn’t even read her face

Me:" come in" she walked in and I closed the door

Me:" you’re great?"

Tshili:" I am cool and you?"

Me:" all is well. I didn’t cook tonight I ate takeaways…I can make something for you quickly or we can eat out”

Tshili:" there is no need....i just wanna talk" she looked sad and that scared me a bit

Me:”uhm ok” we just stood in the kitchen looking at each other

Tshili:”uhm Thembuluwo it’s been a month, four days, 5 hours, 21 minutes and few seconds since our breakup…I mean after I officially moved out of this house. I will be honest with you. I know I was trying to do the right thing for our kids but sometimes the right thing to do is not really the right thing, I mean if we end up divorced then what was all the trouble for? Bee would have died for nothing? You would have ruined your future for nothing? All the pain and suffering we’ve endured will be for nothing. And the four years I had waited while you were in jail will all be for this divorce? I was lonely, miserable and sexually frustrated for four years and all for what? A divorce? I don’t think so. I learnt something when I was gone, I love you more than I realised. It’s not just love but it’s something I can’t even put to words. You are my life Thembu, like what Sihle said, there is no me without you and there is no you without me” she said all that without taking a break. I didn’t say anything…I was still trying to make sense of everything she just said

Tshili:”so Ndivhuwo want me to be with him, he said he loves me and then there is Bongi, he also wants a part of me. But do you know what I have learned? When these guys were going on and on about wanting me, I asked myself if I loved them and the answer was a big NO, I didn’t even have to think about it because I felt nothing for them. I asked myself where I belonged and who I really loved and within a blink of an eye Thembu, your name came to mind. I realised that I belong with you, you are the only one I love Thembu. I want my days to begin and end with you, I want to feel your warm body every night when we go to sleep, I want to wake up to your bad morning breath every damn morning and i….i want to enjoy making love to you every damn day. I want us to have more kids together. I agreed to marry you because I was in love and that’s all that matters. I will be the best gangster wife you’ve never seen, I will sell drugs with you if the need arises, I will use a gun if need be….because you are you babe and I love you with everything that’s happening in your life…..to cut the long story short…..I wanna come home” I moved closer to her and looked straight into her eyes

Me: “what about the kids? All the reasons you gave me about not wanting to be part of my life anymore?”

Tshili:”like I said, sometimes the right thing to do is not really the right thing to do. We will make a plan together and protect our kids. We can take them back home to Venda so that they stay away from all this but it doesn’t matter Thembu, together we can protect these kids”

I wanted to believe her so bad but I couldn’t help thinking that she could wake up tomorrow and want to leave

Me:”Tshililo how do I know that when you fall pregnant with our 3rd child you won’t want a divorce again? This is not some game ok? You really need to think this whole thing through and you need to be sure that you mean what you are saying. I am a human being too and you’ve really hurt me, I was seriously going insane without you and I can’t go through that again. You are more like a breath to me, like my very own personal drug, one that I am addicted to and you can imagine how it was without a dose of that drug. Tshililo I was getting myself rehabilitated and I wanna know that if I relapse and start taking the dose of you again….are you not gonna pull this stunt again? It has to be forever Tshililo”

I was holding her hands

Tshili:”its forever Thembu, I won’t….i have realised that I can’t live without you…I am so attached to you and I want to be with you through every turn of this movie we are playing, me and you babe…to be honest with you I will be damned if we let go of something this good. I know we’ve been through a lot of shity situations but we’ve also been happy. I want us to end this journey together…I don’t want to be a quitter. I want us to sit one day and tell our kids our love story. I sat and asked myself if my kids would thank me for denying them a chance to see their parents happy and the answer was no. every child wants to see their parents happy so let’s give that to our kids”

Me: “so what you are saying is that you are prepared to jump fences and use guns if we have to? I won’t lie to you and say it will get better because it won’t, it will only get worse. So I wanna know that you mean it and I promise you Tshililo if you do this again I will leave you and never come back” she needed

That was enough talking for people who hadn’t seen each other for a month. We wanted a little bit of action and so we did it. We did the make-up sex...damn we did it in the kitchen and then took it all the way to the bedroom. I felt fine and complete. I know that Tshili had done some stupid things lately but people I loved this woman and I had to do this for my kids too.

TSHILILO

The following morning I went to work. I wanted to resign for good this time around. Thembuluwo said he trusted me enough to let me do this by myself. I guess he wanted me to be sure that i really want to be with him. I got to work late simply because Thembu and i were so busy that morning. Ndivhuwo came in to my office complaining about me coming to work late that morning and asking if I was angry at him about yesterday. He was trying to smoothen things up for himself when I decided to break the news to him once and for all

Me:”Ndivhuwo I just can’t do this, me and you will never ever be together…please just accept that ok?…and due to the fact that you still love me I am quitting the job so that you don’t get to see me every day, I don’t wanna give you the wrong idea. I want you to move on with your life and hopefully you will find someone” he walked to me and I walked backwards until I reached the door

Ndivhu:”Tshili I understand that everything I said yesterday kinda shocked you so I will give you time ok?”

Me: “you don’t get it do you? I am in love with Thembuluwo, He is the only one I love and we are not getting a divorce anymore, we are back together” He closed his eyes and I could see the anger in him. He opened them again and walked to me and then put his hands on the door on both side of me and then leaned over to my face

Ndivhu:” what did you say? Over my dead f****d up body Tshililo, that’s not happening. I love you, what part of that don’t you understand? You can’t just string me along and then decide to just drop me, no it doesn’t work like that”

Me: “I never said I loved you back and I didn’t string you along Ndivhuwo…all I asked was to come back to work”

Ndivhu:”really? What happened when your husband was still in prison? You were prepared to be with me right? I am not going to let him get in the way of us again” oww nooo, this was hopeless

Me:” there is no us Ndivhuwo, you and me can’t be…he is not forcing me to do anything, I am just in love with him” he gave me a very dangerous scary look and then grabbed me by my neck and pinned me against the wall

Ndivhu:” I don’t want to bloody hurt you Tshililo…I love you dammit…what part of that don’t you understand?” he let go of me and I just looked at him feeling super scared

Ndivhu:”Tshililo it would have been better if you never came back to work ok? I had already dealt with my feelings but you came back looking as hot as ever. I’d been watching you every day knowing fully well that one day I wanna make you mine and now you come here and tell me this bull! No it’s not happening” I swallowed saliva not knowing what to do

Ndivhu:”damn it Tshililo don’t be afraid of me…I love you ma washu” he walked away from me and looked at me

Ndivhu:”you are a fine woman Tshili, i…I want to burry myself in your body, I wanna feel you….i want you to be mine….i want to finish what we started before Thembu came back” owww murena wanga, now I was seriously scared, what if he take a gun out on me and force himself on me…owww nooo I started shaking and tears started coming out

Ndivhu:”damn it Tshililo don’t do that” he cried and came close to me. I was now sitting down with my back against the door

Me: “you are going to hurt me” I mumbled, I was scared

Ndivhu:”no babe no, I will never hurt you, I won’t hurt you owk?”

Me: “then let me go please Ndivhuwo”

Ndivhu:”owk I will let you go but just know that this is not over, I love you Tshililo and I will fight for you” why did I even start this huh?

Me: “there is no need to fight for me…why are you even doing this?”’

Ndivhu:” its love Tshili, one day you will understand this….you can warn your so called husband if you want to but I will come for you, I know you love me and I know that if you lose him then you will come to your senses and realise that we belong together….now go and rest”

THEMBULUWO

Tshililo came back after less than an hour. She told me how it went down and how pissed Ndivhuwo was. She also told me about him being a gangster and that he said he was coming for me. Well i wasn’t scared. I knew that Ndivhuwo was just a gangster-wannabe and he was just trying to threaten my wife.

So Xolani and Zoleka bought the new Red 2014 Range Rover Sport SUV and they came to our house juts to brag. Damn Tshili and i were excited to see the car and we even took it for a spin. We had a beautiful afternoon while laughing and just having fun.

The following morning I woke up and Tshililo said she had a surprise for me. So we prepared ourselves and she drove. I had no idea where we were going, she just said that I’ll love it. Our first stop was just after we entered Eastern Cape at the bridge near Tsitsikamma where my wife had booked a bungee jumping for me. Dude i was not sure if I had it in me to jump from so far up but hey they say such experiences are good so I decided to try it out. She was obviously not jumping because she was pregnant, we didn’t want to risk losing the baby. After Bungee jumping Tshililo told me that she had booked us a shooting range in PE. Damn this woman neh? She was just perfect. She was the one driving us. We were on the road and smiling none stop until we realised that there were two police cars after us. I told Tshililo to step on the accelerator and she did. We wouldn’t have started speeding if we didn’t have illegal firearms in the car. The firearms could take me back to prison and I didn’t want to go back. I tried to think of a solution to lose the police when Tshililo said

Tshili:”I have a plan….there is a turn to left over there at the front…I will take it when we get there…as you can see it’s a little bushy on the side of the road so I will stop for a second after I had turned and you’ll quickly get out of the car and hide in the bushes, I will drive for a bit longer and then stop for the police”

Me:” no baby but they will arrest you”

Tshili:”yah better me than you. It’s just guns so I won’t stay long but with you it’s a different story”

Me:” I will take the guns with me”

Tshili:”no Babe what if they find you”

Me: “but I can’t get you arrested? You are pregnant Tshililo”

Tshili:”I will be out tomorrow, it’s just guns owk?”

Me: “no no no Babe there has to be another way”

Tshili:”I am not arguing with you about this, I am doing it….for us owk? I can’t have you arrested again” I looked out the window…I was not fine with Tshililo taking a fall for me

Tshili:” get ready baby, here we go” she stepped on it and our Aston flew away. We got to that left turn and after she had turned she stopped for a second and I quickly kissed her and then got out the car and ran to the bushed as fast as I could.

TSHILILO

I was scared but sometimes we just have to act tough even though we are scared. I got to a distance and stopped. The police came and searched the car. They found two guns in there. I was not at all surprised…I knew they were there. What really surprised me was the pocket they retrieved from the car that had white powder inside. I wanted to die, those were drugs, and how did they end up in the car? Thembuluwo was sure that there was nothing else except just guns in the car, how did the drugs end up there? I was seriously confused and most of all I was scared because I knew that it was no longer just a night in jail but I was facing serious charges. I think I just turned deaf and my eyes also couldn’t see anymore, everything was blurry and my mind was working in slow motion. So much for a gangster day out with hubby.

Deep inside I knew that nothing else awaits me than going to jail. As much as I was scared of being arrested, I was glad it was me and not my husband. For him it was going to be bigger than it would be for him, he was going to be jailed for years so I was glad that I took this important sacrifice for our family. One Police man signalled for me to get out of the car and I did.

Police:”ma’am you are under arrest for being in position of an illegal substance and firearms, you have the right to remain silence, and anything you do or say can and will be used against you in a court of la-“ he said while hand cuffing me

With that statement all my plans to be a good mom and a devoted wife evaporated, just like that I saw myself as nothing more than just a criminal, I felt that my life was over. I didn’t feel it but then the tears started coming out. I was so so scared. How was my son going to cope without me? And then my husband? Ow my God what about my unborn baby?

One of the Police Man made a phone call

Police3:”sure bro….yeah bro we found her….no it’s a woman….yes she is alone….ehhh ma’am what’s your name?” he was looking at me

Me:”Tshililo”

Police:”huh?”

Me:”Tshili”

Police3:” she said her name is Tshili….how was I supposed to know? Ok I will do that” he dropped the call and looked at the other guys

Police3:”set her free”

Police4: what?”

Police1:”are you insane? We were given an instruction to do this”

Police: ‘it was not supposed to be her, it was meant for her husband”

Police:”ow” they set me free

Yohh I felt so relieved. Going to jail is not a child’s play. But then it clicked. The police called someone who called the whole thing off, and then they said it was meant for my husband. NDIVHUWO, I knew that it was him. I was boiling with rage, how could he do something like this huh?

Me: “are we done here?”

Police1:”yeah it seems that way”

I went to my car and took out my cell phone and called him immediately. How could he do this to me? So he wanted my husband to be jailed again? What part of I don’t want you don’t he understand?

Ndivhu:” i was expecting your call”

Me:” you have the nerve neh? What kind of a person are you? Your parents should have killed you when they were on a killing spree to kill each other…you are nothing but a nuisance...killing you would have been justice for the world and it would have prevented all this crap from happening and I wouldn’t have met a psycho like you” he kept quit, I think what I said hurt him but I honestly didn’t give a hoot.

Me: “I know I might have hurt you Ndivhuwo but we had an agreement before I came back to work that it was just going to be strictly business, there is no need for you to go all Marothi on me” I was boiling and shaking. The whole thing really shook me up and before I knew it I broke down and started crying

Me:” I want you to leave me alone Ndivhuwo, do you have any idea how terrified I was? I used to respect you so much….there is more to life than throwing everything away for a girl who don’t love you, you have a child Ndivhuwo, can’t you just be a better person for her….what you did today is starting a fight, what do you think they are going to do to you?” i sobbed

Ndivhu:”owk you’ve made your point love and I am sorry, I am really feeling bad. But Tshililo you have all the ropes. It’s all on you, if you decide today that you are leaving him then I will honestly let him live in peace but if not then this is only the beginning”

Me:”Ndivhuwo what is wrong with you? If you think that you are invincible then I will gladly tell you to bring it the hell on Ndivhuwo. I’d rather die a painful death and be thrown away to the dogs than be with someone as heartless as you”
and with that I dropped the call. I leaned over to my car and cried my lungs out. I felt sorry for this baby I was carrying; all this stress was not good for the baby. I then called Thembuluwo and told him everything that’s happened. He told me to drive back home and that he will hike. We didn’t want to take any more risks

Zwi a Penga

Insert 60

THEMBULUWO

So I hiked to George and I got to George and found Xolani waiting for me. We drove home to Xolani’s place and we found Tshililo waiting for me there. Tshililo told me how it all happened and the fact that there were drugs in the car. I was seriously shocked and didn’t understand how the drugs got in there. She went on and said that it was all Ndivhuwo…apparently the gangster wanna-be wanted me behind bars. He dropped the whole thing after he heard that I wasn’t in the car. I was pissed hey…I knew that this Ndivhuwo guy had to be dealt with. So we asked Zoleka to book the first flight to Venda so that she can take our son home. We didn’t want him to stay another second in George. Tshililo thought it was too dangerous and she wanted him to be away. Zoleka managed to get the flight and left to Venda right away.

The following morning I tried to convince Tshililo to also go home but she said she didn’t want to leave me here all by myself. She reminded me again how she was of help yesterday and how I needed her. We started talking about the drugs that were found in the car and how someone could have put them inside my car. We remembered that Xolani came and showed us his new car a day before yesterday and we took it for a spin all four of us. We went to the cctv and checked our tape…we saw someone coming in to the house…I didn’t understand how they made it past the gate though. The person was wearing a hoodie so we couldn’t make out who it was. I called Xolani immediately asking him to come over. We wanted to discuss this. We were waiting for him when we received his call. He told us that somebody messed with the brakes of his new car and he got involved in a car accident. Dammit!!! He told us which hospital he was in. We were about to call a cab to leave for hospital because we couldn’t drive the car when Tshililo received a text

“It’s game on Tshililo…this is not just about having you in my life but about showing these cheese boys that the world doesn’t really revolve around them….i will destroy everything and everyone around you and when you are alone, lonely and miserable you will come and beg me to take you back, which I won’t. you have to learn Tshililo…if you fight with your husband again stop the habit of stringing other man along knowing very well that you still love him, you won’t ever do something like this again….i am coming for you with every damn thing I have….no one breaks my heart and lives to tell the tale”

She looked really sacred after reading this sms. I read it and what I felt afterwards was nothing but anger. She started blaming herself but I told her that there was no need for that because we’ve all done some mistakes in our lives.

So we got to the hospital and Xolani had already discharged himself. He wasn’t really injured…thank God. So we took him home and then explained to him about this Ndivhuwo guy and the sms he sent Tshililo. Xolani called Jay immediately and we were all summoned to meet at Svig’s house in Wilderness. Tshililo didn’t want to stay in the house by herself so we took her to Stick’s house and she was with his wife while we go for a meeting.

So we got to Svig’s house and the guys were there along with Jay…Svig was not there obviously. So I was given a platform to explain to everyone what was happening and so I did. The guys were still discussing how they were going to punish Ndivhuwo when my phone rang and it was Svig. Everyone went quiet and Jay asked me to pick up

Me: ‘boss”

Svig:”uhm V Boy, can I talk to your sister please?” owk now I was totally out of my mind…like seriously confused….what was he talking about?

Me: “sorry boss but what are you talking about?”

Svig:”Rendi, she got on a flight from Cape Town yesterday, she was coming to see me but said she will stop in George for a day to see you but the last time I heard from her she was getting on a flight”

Me: “what? I know nothing about that, she didn’t tell me anything boss and clearly she didn’t make it to my house…wh…so…so what are telling me?” damn it….i knew what it meant….NDIVHUWO

Svig:”damn it…F************k….someone is soo gonna die for this….yazini let me find out what happened to her and I will call you….damn it I have sooo many enemies I don’t even know where to start”

Me: “it’s actually my enemies” I was literally out of strength, I was now sitting on the couch feeling all tired

Svig:” What?”

Me: “I know who did it” I said in my lowest voice

Svig:”so what are you still waiting for Themburuwo…talk to me!” so Rendani also told him my real name

Me: “I think you need to come down boss”

Svig:”sure right I am!!….i want every damn person in my Wilderness house when I arrive siyavana!? And gather all the damn facts about the goat that has kidnapped my damn wife….i will surely kill someone…no that’s an understatement….i will slaughter him….remove his skin while I enjoy the sound of his voice as he scream in agony….i will be there in 30…I am getting my private plane” he said that and dropped the call

Gerrit:”owk I am lost”

Me: “the guy we were talking about just kidnapped my sister who happen to be Svig’s girlfriend” I said putting my hands on my head. This was beyond me. I don’t mind someone hurting me but that was my sister, my baby sister…my one and only sister. I walked out of the house to my car. I stood against it and cried. Xolani ran after me

Me: “what if he had killed her already? What if she is already gone? I mean we can torture him in the worst way possible but if she is dead she won’t come back” I sobbed in Xolani’s arms

X:’I know mfana” he was also crying

X:”but let’s hope for the best”

Me: “that Ndivhuwo guy is a psycho….i have no idea what he is really capable of….and if he kills her….i am supposed to protect her…my mom should never know about this Xolani…this will surely take her to her grace”  I said wiping off the tears, Xolani was also doing the same

X:”yeah I know we can’t tell anyone. Have you tried getting hold of Ndweli?”

Me:”damn it Onndwela, I forgot about her” I took out my phone and called her. Thank God she was still fine. We arranged for her to get to George. She told us about attending classes but we told her that she needed to be here. We were not sure what this Ndivhuwo psycho could do next.

We thought about Zoli and my son. Xolani was trying to call Zoli when I received an sms on my phone.

“Don’t worry about your son…I don’t hurt kids so I will let him be…just for the record, I know he is on his way to Venda as we speak and I could do to him as I please but relax my boy, I have a soft spot for kids….he is my step son after all” I threw my phone against the wall in anger. I walked to the pieces of it and stepped on tem making sure that it’s really destroyed. I was finished. If his main aim was to hurt me….damn he succeeded, how dare he threaten my boy, how dare he. Xolani ran to me

X:” what’s wrong?”

Me: “he is driving me crazy Xolani, he is driving me insane…he knows that Zoli and TJ are on their way home. He said he won’t hurt her but how do I trust an animal like him? This guy is untouchable…I’m done….this is the end of me….if anything is to happen to my son?”

X:”he won’t want to hurt Tshili like that…but…..” he trailed off

Me: “but our families”

I put my hands on my head and moved in a circle. This was beyond me. Ndivhuwo’s guys were everywhere. It was obvious that he knew where my place was in Venda already. He had eyes and ears everywhere. Xolani and I went back to the house. We sat on the couch

Jay:”owk my IT guy can’t track his whereabouts, it’s like he doesn’t exist and apparently he resigned from his job this morning so he is nowhere to be found”

This was useless; we were dealing with a ghost here. So we sat in the room in utter silence, no one talking. Jay was busy making calls. I shut everything out and didn’t care what he was saying. My mind was in a race. I was stressing. I was worried about Tshililo, about my sister and our family. At least I knew that Tshili’s sister was ok. After about an hour, Svig walked in. he looked terrible, like he’d been crying.

Svig:’so…what do you have so far?” Jay scratched his head. He didn’t even greet anyone, he had the ‘it’s about to get down’ look on his face

Jay: ‘we have the guy’s cell phone numbers but we can’t track them…. our IT guy said that the guy have some serious security passwords that not many people can open so he is untraceable” he closed his eyes and then opened them again

Svig:”Jay do you hear what you are saying? Uthethi kaka man...Since when do we speak of the word ‘impossible’? What is wrong with you people? We have to find this guy and we are going to find him today!! Siyavana?” we all nodded

Svig:” nooo f*** it man…what’s happening here? He is untraceable…really? So now you need to watch and learn” he took out his cell phone

Svig:”give me his full names” I wrote everything on Xolani’s phone and handed it over to Svig. He typed on his phone and then dialled his phone and made a phone call

Svig:”sure mfana, you are going to help me now….i have sent you an email with someone’s names. Find out everything you can about him. Don’t contact me if you don’t have something useful owk? This guy is terrorising my family and I need to find him so….make it happen…..you do know that I know the boarding school at which your son go to right? So whatever you do…his life depends on it, you have 30 minutes” and he dropped the call….owk that was impressive

Svig:”this is how it gets done…you don’t beg these geeks, they know computers and all these s*** we know nothing about but we also know something they know nothing about….GUNs….looks like there is going to be a serious fight…ya’ll follow me”. We followed him to the basement

So we prepared the guns to be used. I could see that Svig was stressed out and I was starting to be convinced that maybe he really loved my sister. There was a time where I was just standing against the wall feeling like crying. He came to me and pated my shoulder and said that he’ll bring her back. There was something different on his voice...it was as if he really cared about how I was feeling. So Svig had a heart after all. Svig received a call from one of his guys. They managed to track down Ndivhuwo and sent a software of some sort to Svig’s phone in order to track down Ndivhuwo’s whereabouts. Svig said that whatever happens, Ndivhuwo shouldn’t be killed, so we were not allowed to kill him at all….he wanted to deal with him himself. We drove in two black Benz. Svig was driving the one that was leading us because he knew the location where Ndivhuwo was.

So Svig led us to some house in Knysna Regtmanshoogte. It was around 11 at night. We passed the house and parked about a house away from its gate. We then got out of the cars with our guns.

Svig:"i am not sure if this pig already know that we are coming, if he is then he is waiting and its really gonna get down but if not....then we got him….so we are going to go in....i need one driver to remain here....Gerrit? You'll stay behind, make sure that your Radio receiver is on....if the need arises we will tell you to come by the gate...sure?"

Gerrit:"sure"

Svig:"we are going to slowly make our way into the yard and then quickly make our way to the veranda and see if we can’t see anything inside the house. I have something I can use to force open the door without so much noise….lets go"

Xolani and I hugged briefly and then followed Svig and the guys. We climbed the fence and made our way to the house. It was dark outside…the lights were off and there was no car parked outside. It looked like it was empty. We got to the veranda and Svig was about to try opening the door when the lights went on and we were out in the open. We looked around us and there were A4 printed photographs. It was pictures of Tshililo, Sticks’s wife and my sister Rendani. They were crying when the photos were taken. I was out of breath. I closed my eyes and asked God what have I done so wrong huh? Sticks looked like he wanted to cry

Sticks:” s***” Svig started looking around

Svig:"Ndevhoho!!! Show your damn face" he roared…he was angry. He walked to the door and then the door slowly opened. We all looked and there he was....the man i once knew as my wife's boss. He walked out and stood in front of the door looking at us. He didn’t have a gun or anything else for that matter. We were pointing at him with our guns. He slowly clapped his hands with a huge grin on his face

Ndivhu:"bravo....impressive indeed....the Mighty Svig himself" he continued smiling

Svig:"if you know what’s good for you boy....you gonna bring these women to us right at this moment" he was fuming, he was already grabbing Ndivhuwo by his shirt

Ndivhu:"oh ow...someone is losing their cool...i wouldn’t use that tone if i was you, if i die now...you will never see your women….so just let me go please" damn i so wanted to kill him. Svig let him go

Ndivhu:"thank you for that... don’t worry about them....they are safe and will be kept safe....provided you hear me out...i am not all bad, in fact i need your help"

Svig:" you are talking kak man, what makes you think that we will jump at the opportunity of helping you?"

Ndivhu:"because i have the people you love and i can take all your wives if you don’t cooperate…I mean I could kill all of you if I want but I just don’t want to"

Svig:"and that’s supposed to shake me? Kill them and see if i care....go ahead and kill them my boy…that will awake the real monster in me so be my guest"

Ndivhu:"owk seriously i don’t wanna fight with you....when i found out that you were able to track me i was more than convinced that i should do business with you. Sorry Thembu but this isn’t about your wife…did you honestly think i can cause so much havoc for a woman? Nahhh i aint that dumb. She just happened to make it easy for me to get ya'll attention" owk now i was totally confused

Ndivhu:"don’t get me wrong…I wanted to get him arrested so that I can have some time with his wife bu-“

Me:” now you are talking pure kak” I was walking over to him and Xolani grabbed me and Svig raised his one hand signalling for me to keep my cool

Ndivhu:” owk back to business….I hear you supply drugs…and I have asked around and no one knows where you get them so my biggest guess is that you have a lab somewhere and you are making the stuff yourself so I have a business proposition to put on the table” we both looked at him

Sticks:” what are you talking about? What does that have anything to do with the s*** you’ve done so far? If you think we are going to forgive you and move on then you are mistaken”

Ndivhu:” I did all of that to get Svig’s attention, I knew he was not going to agree on doing business with me…I wanted to show him that me and him we are a lot alike but the only difference is that I am a bit better at this game. So I figured that rocking into your door step with the proposition was not gonna work and I had to do it OUR WAY…the gangster way” he smiled

X:” just get to the point already” Svig looked at Ndivhuwo as if he wanted to kill him right at that second

Ndivhu:” I have some serious ingredients for a drug which we usually import from a dealer in Mexico…it’s not some cheap stuff you find on the street corners…its some legit stuff for big guys with real money so given the right team like yours….i would like you guys to make this drug in your lab….the catch is that you get to keep 50% of the profit…its good business for both of us….this can make us very powerful, if we make this work, we can supply throughout Africa….think about it, I won’t even want to know where the lab is of course, that’s your secret and I will respect that….i just want you to make some good money for both of us…I have the formulas and everything to be done to come up with that drug…so what do you say?” owk everyone went dead silent. Svig looked at him as if trying to read him

Ndivhu:” owk I know my grand appearance was not soo grand…it was whack I admit but Svig, would you have listened to me if I didn’t do this? No you wouldn’t have”

Svig:” what figures are we talking about here?”

Ndivhu:”9 zeros per annum” Svig popped his eyes out and looked at us all. Everyone was shocked at the figure. It was a loooot of money….

Javas:” you do realise that we are not playing games right?”

Ndivhu:” perfectly well…once Svig has made his decision we will sit down and look at the figures of how much we can make….it’s all legit I tell you….probably worth all the trouble I went through to make the pitch”

Svig:”I will have to sleep it out”

Sticks:” are you for real?”

Me: “but boss he-“

Svig:”I don’t need any of your opinions so yeah I will think about it…..so isn’t this the part where you bring Rendi back to me?”

Ndivhu:”just so we agree….I WILL KILL YOU if you are playing around with me…I mean it…I will terrorise all of you….if we are doing this then we are doing it”

Svig:”I don’t like threats and like I said…I will think about it…if the whole thing is not appealing to me I won’t do it and I will patiently wait for you to try and kill me…which I know you will fail” Ndivhuwo took out his phone and pressed on it and then put it on his ear

Ndivhuwo:”bring them in” and within 10 minutes a black BMW parked on the drive way…the doors opened and the ladies ran to us. Tshililo ran to me and Rendi to Svig and Sticks’s wife to her husband. I hugged her so tight and apologised to her for all the trouble we were in. I asked her if she was fine. She said she had some cramps but she continued saying that maybe they were nothing. I told her that we will go to the Doctor tomorrow. We were still hugging when she pushed me away and screamed holding her stomach

Tshili:”Thembuluwo!!…Thembu!! ahhhhh!!” yohh I panicked…I moved to her and looked at her

Me: “Babe what’s wrong? Tshililo is it the baby?” I was freaking out

Tshili:”its…ahhhh!” she screamed again and with the speed of light Ndivhuwo got to us

Ndivhu:”Tshililo Tshili! Are you ok? Is it the baby?” he had his hands on her shoulder…he was near tears. I hated him so much. I grabbed him by his shirt and punched him on the face

Me:” stay away from my wife do you hear me? Don’t ever call her n-“

Tshili:”Thembuuuuuu!!” I let go of Ndivhuwo and ran to her.

Me: “Babe I am here” I got to her and carried her…she was crying so hard…it was obvious that she was in pain, I was terrified…we can’t lose the baby. Everyone was focused on us now

Ndivhu:” come I will drive” he looked scared too. He ran to the BMW that brought them. He got in at the driver’s seat and i went at the back with her

Svig:”we are right behind you” Ndivhuwo started the car. Tshililo was crying and sweating and I was busy trying to calm her down

Ndivhu:”Tshililo please just hold on, we are almost there”

Me:” shut your bloody filthy mouth ok?” this was all his fault

Ndivhu:”Tshili forgive me please, I didn’t mean to stress you out….just try to breath…the baby will be fine, he has to be fine”

Me:”Ndivhuwo!!" I screamed

Me:" I swear Ndivhuwo if anything happens to this baby...i will kill you” I was being serious....he’s been stressing me out and it’s enough.....and all for what? A business proposal? We got to the hospital within 10 minutes. i got out of the car and ran inside with Tshililo in my arms and Ndivhuwo was right behind me.