© Rudzani Thangambi and www.ruustories.co.za, 2018. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of any of my stories without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner (Rudzani Thangambi) is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Rudzani Thangambi and www.ruustories.co.za with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
NB: Before reading this story, please make sure that you've read LIFE AS WE KNOW IT and ZWI A PENGA (Tshivenda version or English summary version) because this is a merged continuation of the two. So it won't make sense if you haven't read both two stories.
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ZWI A PENGA _ LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
Chapter 1
THEMBULUWO
So it’s been more than a year…one year four months to be exact since Tshililo came back home and since our last gangster fight. Yeah we’ve been clean since then. For a year and four months my hands had been clean…no more drugs and no more guns. I can’t even explain the feeling…sometimes it made me cry when I think of how long we came in order to be here. Well, I wish I can say life had been was easy for our family but that’s not the case…it’s been very difficult. Yeah we were free from danger but there were other issues to deal with. When Tshililo came back from Kenya the world was up on its feet and the reporters and police detectives were on her case wanting to know more so she spent couple of weeks being on the headlines…I think the people were still shocked and most people called it a miracle that she managed to come back. My family was happy and they celebrated her come back. Her family was happy as well and they didn’t want her to be with me saying that she ended up in that situation because of us but Tshililo told them that she was a grown up woman and that she can obviously make her own choices.
As if that’s not enough…after that we had to deal with Tshililo herself. Well I had to deal with her. It’s been difficult, it’s been really hard. Sometimes I would looked at her and just cry. She was different…she was totally broken…she’d been through a lot and I think being in Kenya was the last straw. She looked lost most of the times…sometimes she would just sit and stare into space…sometimes she would get nightmares and just cry the whole night…sometimes she wouldn’t sleep at all…she would just sit in a corner shaking until morning…when she was like that she wouldn’t want me to touch her…matter of fact she wouldn’t even want me near her. It broke me in ways that I can’t even explain. I made her to be like that…I broke her. It was all my fault.
She was getting better now. At least we were going out sometimes; at least now she was letting me hold her hand, she was letting me kiss her on the forehead or on the cheek or a peck on the mouth. Now she was much better. We hadn’t had sex since she came back…I hadn’t been intimate with her for a year and four months…I also couldn’t bring myself to cheat on her…I couldn’t do that to her, not after everything she had been through. I ended things with Ele officially right after Tshililo came back. I am not gonna lie and say I didn’t feel like having sex sometimes…I craved it at times but I was keeping strong…it became so bad that I wouldn’t even wanna look at her naked body or when she was in her underwear…I couldn’t even share the bed with her…it was too hard for me so we bought a three seater couch and put it in our bedroom…I slept on the couch and she slept on the bed. I don’t know how long this was going to last but I was willing to do it for as long as she wanted me to.
Apart from sex we were now trying to do most things together as a couple. I was taking her to her therapy sessions every Thursday and after that we usually do shopping and eat out. We go out for the movies most nights and then clubs on weekends…she didn’t drink so she would just sit and watch me as I drink. We talked about general stuff and we laughed together…I think bit by bit we were getting there. Sometimes we’d go on weekends away and just travel…we would swim, play our favourite music and dance…we even cooked together …I don’t know man, it was as if I had nothing else to do other than her. I was determined to make it work…to make sure that we survive this and right now we were still looking fine.
My brothers were fine. Xolani and Zoli had tied the knot and they had a little baby girl…yeah I was the only one amongst my brothers who had boys. Xolani had a house back home in Venda and he was staying there, he wanted some space with his wife. Well, Tshili and I were still in George…Tshililo had so much to deal with and i thought being alone with her was better…we couldn’t have the kids and my parents around her because she was moody sometimes and sometimes she just wanted to sit alone without any disturbances. Both my sons were staying with my mom…yeah we got them a nanny and a house keeper to take care of the kids. Tshililo was in no position to take care of the kids…not yet anyway and I wasn’t going to rush her. We used to go home every chance we got.
Ndivhuwo was everywhere. He had a hotel room here in George so he would occasionally be here and then sometimes he’ll be home in Venda but he was spending most of his time at home…he said he wanted to bond with his daughter…well I was glad that he was home…at least my sons would also have a father figure around. Thendo was studying his first year at UJ and Rendani was still at UCT doing honours….her baby was with my mom…yeah she had a son too…so there were lot of kids at home and that’s why we got a nanny and a helper. Ndivhuwo was trying his best to stay away from my wife…in fact it looked like he didn’t have feelings for her anymore.
TSHILILO
I don’t even know where to begin. I felt lost, empty, tired and sometimes I felt like ending myself. I was seeing a shrink…everyone thought that it was good for me…I don’t even know if it was really good for me. I’d been talking to that man for more than a year now and it still hurt…I hadn’t forgotten, I was still scared. Yes I was doing my best but how long was it supposed to take? We were paying lot of money just for me to talk to that man…he was supposed to make it all go away…I really wanted it all to go away.
Thembuluwo had been supportive…I must say that he took me by surprise…I didn’t expect him to be this supportive, although sometimes my heart hurt for him. He was a man and I knew how much he loved sex so this was a real sacrifice for him. I had tried to get him to start dating or finding someone to have sex with but he didn’t want to hear of it…he said he meant it when he told me that he was choosing me over sex. It still hurts though…I wanted him to be happy, I felt like I was trapping him and that all this was torture for him…he begged to differ though so I had to believe him.
I loved him so much but I was still battling to deal with this and hopeful soon enough I will be able to go back to normal. We’d been going out a lot and doing lot of things together…we’d been very very close and maybe that was going to help us in the long run. I was free to do things with him, to have fun with him…as long as we were not being intimate then I was fine. It also hurt to know that I couldn’t stay with my kids full time but I needed to be well first and then we could take them. There were no family enemies anymore so nothing was stopping us from being fulltime parents…we planned that as soon as I recover then we were going to take my kids…I referred to them as kids because Bonita’s baby also became mine…so TJ wasn’t my only child anymore.
And then….and then there was Ndivhuwo. What can I say…it pained me to even mention his name. He was pretending to be happy for everyone to see but he was not fine…we talked secretly in Thembu’s absence and the nigga was battling…he was struggling to deal with losing his brother and losing….me. I can’t even explain how it made me feel…sometimes I asked myself why he brought me back because clearly this was pain for him. I wish I could do something to help him but there was nothing I could do. I tried to ask him to find someone but he told me that he was not ready…all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. I think leading Ndivhuwo on and leaving Thembu for him in the first place was the biggest mistake of my life…I damaged him even more…he loved me so much and he couldn’t even move on and I loved his brother more. What hurts the most was that I knew that he was loving someone who would never be his.
He wore a smile and pretended to be happy and everyone bought it…including Thembu but the honest truth was that Ndivhuwo sometimes cries himself to self…he called me several times when Thembu was back home and I was left in the house alone…Ndivhuwo knew Thembu was back home with him and I was here alone so he’d call and cry on the line…I didn’t even know what to do when he does that…I just sit there and listen to him talking and sobbing…he said he felt lonely, like he had no purpose and nothing to live for…he still wanted me so bad but he knew he had to stomach it like a man because Thembu was his brother…he’d go on and on about the dreams he was having at night and about how his heart ached…and how sometimes he could physically feel the pain in his heart…I don’t think I know that feeling but he told me that sometimes it hurts so bad that he didn’t even know what to do with himself…Ndivhuwo needed help…he also needed a shrink…I suggested that to him and he told me that he was going to be fine and didn’t need a shrink. Listening to him was torture for me because I knew that as much as he missed his brother…I also contributed to the pain he was in…I wish I could take it all away…if only it was possible for me to bare it all for him then I would…he deserved happiness. Sometimes I wish didn’t bring me back…yes I was happy to be back home with my family and Thembu but then there was him…even though Thembuluwo was the person that my heart beats for…Ndivhuwo also had a special place in my heart…I wanted happiness for him and if I could choose between my happiness and his then I would choose his…I mean he’d been choosing my happiness since we met.
God how did we get here? How did life become so complicated and cruel? We were all not happy...we both had skeletons to deal with. That gangster life didn’t just take my baby, Xolani’s baby and Bee…it also took away a hell lot from us…our happiness…we were all messed up and it’s all thanks to that life.
THEMBULUWO
So it was Tuesday afternoon and I was watching a series with Tshililo…we were busy watching THE100 when my phone rang. I checked the caller ID and it was Ndivhuwo
Me:” bro”
Ndiv:” hey…how are you doing over there?”
Me:” dude we’ve talked this morning already and I said I was fine so what’s up?”
Ndiv:” wow…so that’s how you talk to your brother now?”
Me:” I am busy watching a series over here”
Ndiv:” I might have a job for us” I stood up…not again…not this s*** again
Me:” what job?” oww God not this again
Ndiv:” well, I know we are out of the game but it’s important to gather allies okay? I owe some man a favour and if I do this for him then he owes me a favour”
Me:” okay…what are we supposed to do?”
Ndiv:”keep his woman safe…he is about to get involved in some dangerous dealings and he want us to keep his woman safe”
Me:” that’s all?” I relaxed a bit…that’s better be it
Ndiv:” yeah that’s all” oww thank you God
Me:” okay cool then”
Ndiv:” so she’s gonna be staying with you guys in George”
Me:” what? Why us?”
Ndiv:” the nigga is in Cape Town and George is close by…don’t worry T, you just have to make sure that she is safe that’s all…and I will be there half the time too I promise”
Me:” how sure are you that she won’t bring us trouble? We’ve come a long way Ndivhuwo we can’t go back”
Ndiv:” trust me…when have I ever fail you?” I rolled my eyes and smiled
Me:” never”
Ndiv:” then keep on trusting me” he giggled
Me:” I kinda miss you” I laughed
Ndiv:” ncoooo that’s cute…I thought you were watching a series” I laughed
Me:” tsek I take that back…I don’t miss you” he laughed
Ndiv:” I am coming to George tomorrow so the guy will bring his girl either tomorrow or a day after that…I wanna be there when they arrive…Xolani said he also wanna meet the guy so tell your wife that your brothers are coming over and you’ll be spending most of your time with us” he giggled
Me:” owww so we gonna do that thing again?” I couldn’t help but laugh…whenever my brothers come here we always drink to the point where we don’t recognise ourselves and then we play soccer and wrestle throughout the night until we pass out…it’s crazy but so damn funny
Ndiv:” owww yeah bruhh you know what we are about…make sure that your lawn is neatly trimmed neh?”
Me:” it’s perfect”
Ndiv:” see? I will see you tomorrow”
Me:” sure and there is something else I want us to discuss”
Ndiv:” what’s that?”
Me:” our finances…it’s not looking good”
Ndiv:” huh?”
Me:”Let’s talk about it tomorrow”
Ndiv:” okay sure”
ANDANI
It was late at night and we were about to get to bed
Me:” so we are doing this vele?” I took his t shirt
Gee:” cupcake don’t do this please” he was standing in the middle of the room looking at me…I wore his t shirt and went and stood in front of him
Me:” but Eugene what if something happens to you?”
Eugene:” I told you nothing will happen to me okay? You don’t have to worry but I have to do this Andi…I can’t de disrespected this way…my sister is gone and someone has to die” God he was not gonna listen to me
Me:” so when am I leaving?” he looked at me and then cupped my face and kissed me for a while and then let go
Eugene:” tomorrow”
Me:” what? Tomorrow? oww no Euegne that’s too soon…I have to pack and then Vhusani is supposed to get married and I am supposed to organise her wedding”
Eugene:” would you rather die trying to organise her wedding or go to a safe house?”
Me:” but Eugene I-“
Eugene:” I know but your safety is a priority…we can’t put this baby in danger”
Me:” what if I say no…what if I say I don’t wanna go?” this was my best short…if I don’t go then he won’t have to go for revenge because he won’t want to endanger me and the baby. He looked at me and smiled
Eugene:” I will have to put you in the boot of my car and drive you to George…I am not going to argue about this with you again Andi” he said that and walked to the bathroom…what the hell? I walked after him…he was standing in the toilet peeing
Me:” I am not one of your little lap dogs you know…I don’t take orders from you like the rest of them…I am your partner and things like this are meant to be discussed…you can’t just decide to ship me away to God knows where” he finished peeing and then turned around and looked at me…he gave me that smile…yeah that smile he give out when he was losing his cool
Eugene:” okay my partner…I am going to say this for the last time…you are going to George Andi…you are carrying my child and I am not going to have anything happen to that child. You wanna be equals? Defy me Andani…defy me and stay here or in Cape Town but if you lose that child…God Andani if you lose my child….” He walked to me and leaned over to my face
Eugene:” Stay and you will be responsible for losing our 3rd child and as if that’s not enough…you will have me to deal with” he said that and walked to the door
Me:” now where are you going?” I wanted to cry
Eugene:” I don’t know” I ran after him
Me:” Eugene don’t go”
Eugene:” no…you need to think about what we will do….you wanna be an equal so decide what’s gonna happen Andi…one thing for sure, I am going for Gola’s brother and don’t get it twisted my dear….my gangster life is not part of this ‘equals façade’ you are trying to put up” he said and closed the door on my face and walked out.
ZWI A PENGA – LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
Chapter 2
THEMBULUWO
So it was bed time and like always I was sleeping on the couch. Tshililo had already slipped into her pyjamas and was about to get into bed
Me:” uhm I talked to my brothers today”
Tshili:” you talk to your brothers everyday” she was smiling
Me:” Ndivhuwo has a job for us” the smile faded and she sat on the bed and looked at me
Tshililo:” what kind of a job?” she had her serious look on
Me:” keeping someone safe” she gave me a questioning look
Me:” well there is a guy who is a thug of some type and he is about to get mixed up with the wrong people so he wants us to keep his fiancée safe” she looked at me for a while
Tshili:” I take it that Ndivhuwo has already said yes”
Me:” yeah I mean it’s good for us…we need allies Tshili…just in case we need help in the future”
Tshili:” how sure are you that she won’t bring us problems? What if her fiancée’s enemies track her to you guys? This is going to take us all back to the life that we are all trying to get away from...the life that left us with nothing but scars” I breathed
Me:” I don’t think it will come to that” she took a deep breath
Me:” and Nidvhuwo said she will be staying here with us. Her fiancée lives in Cape Town so George is closer to Cape Town as opposed to Thohoyandou…Ndivhuwo said he will also be spending more time here”
Tshili:” what? That girl is gonna be staying with us? Thembuluwo we can’t even handle having our babies here and now we have to baby sit an old woman? No” she got up and started pacing
Me:” babe its-“
Tshili:” no Thembuluwo…how are we going to do this huh? What if you…I mean she is a woman and she will be staying with us like full time and me and you…well we are not even having sex”
Me:” me and you not having sex…why are you mentioning that?”
Tshili:” uhm we can’t have her in the house” I looked at her and laughed…this was so f*****g unbelievable
Me:” so, even after I have proven to be all supportive and sexless for one year four months I am still a dog huh? You think I will stoop so low? That I will still jump at the opportunity to sleep with another woman? And worse under my own house that I am sharing with you? Wow Tshililo I thought that after everything we’ve been through then you at least believe that I have changed” okay I was upset…no, well…I was f*****g angry
Tshili:” I am sorry…I jus-“
Me:” you just what? If I wanted to have sex Tshililo I would be doing it every day okay? There are women out there who wouldn’t turn a loaded man like me down but I am here with you because this is where I wanna be…to think that you think I will jump at the opportunity of sleeping with someone I am supposed to watch over? Damn”
Tshili:”i…it came out wrong”
Me:” no it was not supposed to come out at all. Do you have any idea what it’s like to sit here with you every day knowing that I can’t make love to you? It hurts okay? But I bare it every day because I know you are worth it and I guess being suspected of being a dog is what I get as a result. I mean why would I jeopardise everything?” I said that and walked to the door
Tshili:” where are you going now?”
Me:” I don’t know…to have sex maybe…I mean you don’t even trust me”
Tshili:” I said I am sorry okay? You’ve been good…in fact you’ve been so good and it scares me sometimes. Yeah let me admit it…I didn’t expect you to stick around for this long…I didn’t expect you to be this good okay? I am sorry for doubting you but you’ve proven to be a million times better Thembu but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it. I love you and I want you here with me but sometimes I feel like you need more…like somehow you feel tied down…don’t you want more?” I looked at her with my back against the door
Me:” I do want more nana…but I want more with you…I want to make love to you…I want to kiss you…I only want to love you so if I have to wait five more years I will do it…you don’t have to feel guilty about it and don’t ever ever suspect that I will sleep with anyone else…I am waiting on you” she looked at me and smiled
Tshili:” is this what happens when people grow up? Had we met at this age then I bet things would have been different…I would have been treated like a queen throughout the relationship” I smiled
Me:” it has nothing to do with age nana…it’s all about what we’ve been through…I have now discovered what really matters in my life and I won’t jeopardise that…I don’t ever want to hurt you so I don’t care if this girl is Beyoncé’s twin sister but I aint gonn look at her…I got my eyes on you and you only” I said that and walked to her
Me:” I love you”
Tshili:” I love you too” I took my chances and pulled her to me and hugged her for a long time. She didn’t pull back. After a while we slowly broke the embrace and looked at each other in the eyes
Tshili:” thank you for everything” she whispered…I then bent over to her for a kiss…if she pulled away then I was gonna quickly let go but she didn’t…she actually kissed me back…dammit it felt so damn good…i wanted to go on and on…I wanted to take off her pyjamas and make love to her but in order for this to work we had to take baby steps. I kissed her for a while and then stopped and looked at her…damn I was happy that she let me kiss her like that…we were getting there
Me:” good night” I smiled
Tshili:” night” she climbed the bed and i went back to my couch. I never thought that there would be a day where I would be this excited for a kiss.
ANDANI
I went back to the bed and sat on it. I had tears in my eyes…I know and understand that Eugene had been hurt by his sister’s death but why was it so important to do this? Was it worth putting all of us at risk? I sat there and did the breathing technique just so that I may calm myself down. I sat on that bed for a very long time…I was waiting for Eugene to come back…I couldn’t believe that he was blaming me for the twins miscarriage, I mean how can he say something like that? Like I deliberately killed my babies. I kept doing the breathing technique because I was really stressing. I got up and went to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I held my flat tummy and just starred at myself on the mirror…I couldn’t lose this baby…I just couldn’t so I guess I had to do what he was saying because he would obviously blame me if something happens. I walked back to the bedroom and got inside my blankets and slept. I couldn’t fall asleep because I was still waiting for him. I wondered what he could be doing. Eugene was not the drinking type or the club type so he didn’t go to the club( well he do drink but not more often and not when he was stressed)…he was also not a cheating type…or was he? Nahh he was not that type except…except if Kat was still in town but Lusani said he told her to leave…could she still be around Gauteng? Damn I sat up on the bed and started sweating…I wanted him to come back. I took my phone and tried calling him but his phone went straight to voicemall…dammit
I got out of bed and started pacing…I was feeling hot as well. He walked in right at that moment. I stopped pacing and looked at him while hugging myself. He walked in and closed the door and stood with his back against it.
Me:” it’s past mid night”
Eugene:” I needed some air and you needed to think”
Me:” so you blame me?” I said standing there as tears started flowing
Eugene:” I blame you for what?”
Me:” for the twins…you think it’s my fault?” I wiped the tears with the back of my left hand
Eugene:” when did I say that?” oww he wanted to play this game
Me:” you said that if I don’t go to bloody George and then something happens to this pregnancy then I will be responsible for killing our 3rd child…so you think I did that? Eugene I don’t even know what caused the miscarriage and all this time you’ve been blaming me?”
Eugene:” what?” he whispered. He looked at me as if I was going crazy
Eugene:” so we are going to do this now? We are going to discuss this?”
Me:” you started it…you said I killed my babies Eugene…I-“
Eugene:” if I hear you say Eugene one more time…” he huffed…okay that came out as a warning
Me:” if anyone is to blame for all this argument is you. If you decide to swallow your pride then we wouldn’t be arguing right now because I wouldn’t be going to George and we will all be safe but your ego is bigger than everything else you own…one of these days you will lose me and your precious child over this…you’ll lose everything…what happened to Tebogo was just the beginning. You carry on like this then we will all die and you will be left alone to live this life on your own. you’ll get broken Eugene…right now you are not broken but if you carry on like this then you will know the real meaning of pain” he looked at me for a while and said nothing
Me:” I am just scared for us okay? I can’t keep running and you can’t keep hiding me…is that how it’s gonna be with our kids around?” he just blinked and still said nothing
Me:” Cupcake I really want you t-“ I couldn’t finish because he quickly walked to me and covered my mouth with his hand
Eugene:”say no more” he whispered…there was pain on the way he looked at me…like he was scared
Me:” cupcake its j-“
Eugene:” I said quiet Andani…don’t…don’t say anything anymore okay? I don’t wanna hear it…I can’t even imagine it because it’s not going to happen…I can’t listen to you talking about losing you…you know you are more of a breath to me so I won’t lose you” he hugged me for a while
Eugene:” I asked you to think…what’s it gonna be?” what? We are back to this? I was still in his arms
Me:” you’ll blame me if something happens to the baby while I am here and I can’t afford losing another child...i can’t survive it and I hate you for doing this to me…I don’t wanna stay with strangers” he broke the hug and tried to kiss me but I pushed him away
Me:” not tonight…I can’t do this with you…you are blaming me for the miscarriage…you wanna abandon me and this baby for some revenge and I am sacred of losing you” I said crying
Eugene:” Andani this is crucial my love…if I do this now then we won’t ever have to worry about anyone coming into our lives but if I don’t…well there is no telling…and I don’t blame you for losing the babies…it came out wrong because I was just upset okay? All I want is for you to be safe and you being stubborn is not what I want right now. I’ve just lost a sister Andi so I have to make sure that everyone else that I love is safe okay? I can’t lose you”
Me:” what time am I being shipped off tomorrow?” he just looked at me and took a deep breath
Eugene:” `we will leave around 11…we are driving because you’re gonna have to keep the car and then I will fly back to George”
Me:” okay” I climbed the bed
Me:” do you even know these people?”
Eugene:” Paps knows them and I trust him”
Me:” so the whole crap about experiencing this pregnancy together was just what it was…crap” he looked at me and looked away and then back at me
Eugene:” you really are hungry for an argument aren’t you?”
Me:” it’s not that I am hungry for an argument…I’m jus-“ I couldn’t finish talking because Eugene was already close to me and had stopped me with a kiss
Me:” my love i-“
Eugene:” shhh!” he started kissing me on the mouth for a while and then went for my neck
…he then stopped and looked at me straight in the eyes
Eugene:” it pains me to see you doing all this…to see you trying to stop me from doing something that I know need to be done. You know I love you more than anything else in the world and that your safety means everything to me. I wanna be there for you and the baby. Do you think that I am happy knowing that I will be missing out on the pregnancy? This is not going to be permanent my love…let me do this one thing for us and then I will be all yours”
Me:” you promise?” he looked at me and smiled
Eugene:” I promise Andi…now stop worrying baby okay? Now can I make love to you?” he said that looking at me with a big smile on his face
Me:” no” he frowned and was really shocked
Me:” gotcha!” he giggled and then started kissing me
ZWI A PENGA – LIFE AS WE NOW IT
Chapter 3
The following morning we woke up a bit early. We went for a jog and then came back and prepared breakfast together. After that Tshililo started cleaning the house while I cook enough food for everyone. Yeah my brothers were flying in and we also had guests so I offered to cook. Well, I was good with cooking…I mean I’d been around Tshililo a lot lately and that helped on improving my cooking skills. I was still cooking when Xolani and Ndivhuwo walked in. Damn!
Me:” what? I thought I was supposed to pick you guys up at the airport…you were supposed to call me before boarding the flight” I said while I stop chopping the veggies and walked to them
X:” ahh well we wanted to surprise you”
Tshili:” and that you did” she said that walking towards us
Ndiv:” you’re cooking? Like what’s happening in this house? Tshililo why is my brother cooking?” Tshililo rolled her eyes
Tshili:” he volunteered”
X:” bruh you did? Please you can tell us the truth…there is no need to be afraid, if she is abusing you in any way then you gotta let us know” Tshililo looked at me and laughed
Ndiv:” seriously this is not healthy…so tell us Thembu…is she…I mean…” Thembuluwo just gave them a death stare and went back to the kitchen and they followed
Me:” I think you should all go back” they laughed
Ndiv:” okay Thembu we are kidding hawu there is no need to be upset about it”
X:” and why is he even upset…unless…unless she is really abusing him” they looked at him and laughed
Me:” sometimes I don’t understand why I miss you guys…like you are not even worth being missed…Xolani chop the onion please…and you…you are going to cut these chicken pieces for me”
Ndiv:” whaaat?”
Tshili:” help my baby out or you’ll get yourselves takeaways” Tshililo laughed and walked away.
Me:” so when is our job arriving?” we were now just standing in the kitchen while my chicken simmer
Ndiv:” somewhere around four I think…they are driving from Cape Town”
X:” mhm okay…I hope she is not too hot…I mean some of us are married and she has a man so she better be ugly” we looked at him and laughed…Xolani was insane
Ndiv:” Thembuluwo you said that we needed to discuss our finances”
Me:” oww yahh that…we might not be as rich as we think we are” they all looked at me as if they were really interested
X:” wh...what do you mean?”
Ndiv:” yeah it doesn’t make sense”
Me:” has any of you ever calculated how much we spend per months? And how much cash we still have now?”
Ndiv:” yerrrr”
X:” I never thought of it”
Me:” well I did…let me start by saying that during last year alone we managed to use all mine and Xolani’s illegal cash from our jobs with Svig…Ndivhuwo you offered us your cash okay? That’s the cash we are all using now for smaller expenditure and for big ones we are using the legit money from the businesses and as for our businesses…well they are bringing us peanuts compared to how much we are spending on a monthly basis”
Ndiv:” elaborate more”
Me:” we are spending over 200k as a family…that’s the regular monthly expense which exclude buying clothes for the kids, birthday parties, vacations or any special occasions”
X:” are you sure we are spending that much?”
Me:” we all have expensive cars guys…how much do you spend on petrol?”
X:” I honestly don’t keep tabs on how much I am spending”
Ndiv:” so you are saying that money is running out?” they were shocked…more like afraid to go broke
Me:” yeah…can you each just try to calculate how much you might be spending per month? Because for me and my wife only it’s something close to 25k…or maybe over that…maybe close to 30”
X:” uhm well…I think mine is just about the same amount bruh maybe just a bit lower…maybe 20 or maybe more I don’t know”
Ndiv:” well…I have a hotel room which is more like my flat and I am paying R1700 every day even though I am not there most of the times so I think my expense is…wow above 60k or close to 70 I am not sure but it’s a lot…I travel a lot and my bill from the hotel is obviously not something to smile about…dammit we are seriously using way too much money”
Me:” and then there is our parents…with the nanny and the helper and the kids going to school and all that crap? Well we are talking about over 40 grand here, mom and dad spend money like there is no tomorrow…don’t forget Thendo who is at varsity plus Rendani”
Ndiv:” oww my God…we are spending a hell lot of money every month”
X:” s*** I never thought of it…imagine how much we spend when we actually go for clothing shopping or throw a party or go on a vacation…dammit”
Me:” well I can tell you this much…give us two years and we will be totally broke”
X:” we have to do something…unless…unless we are all ready to be poor” we looked at him and smiled
Ndiv:” I am not going back there…I will make a plan”
Me:” what plan? It can’t be the businesses because…well their annual turnover is just above a million…what do we do with a million in a year? That can’t even buy my car…so what plan do you have?”
Ndiv:” I am not sure yet but we need to make money…I mean the way you are putting it it’s like we can’t even afford to buy a new car in the family right?”
Me:” not our typa car...we can’t afford a car that’s worth more than a million…we will go broke”
X:” it’s bad…so we are stuck with our cars then?”
Ndiv:” over my dead body…I am not going to drive that Ferrari for the whole year…damn I’ve been driving that thing for two years already…I gotta upgrades ometime soon”
Me:” which takes us back to the fact that we need to make more money”
Ndiv:” and I think I will come up with the plan.
ANDANI
I woke up the following morning feeling a bit tired. I don’t know if it was because of the pregnancy or because of the sex. Eugene was still sleeping when I woke up. I walked out of the bedroom and to Nthabi’s room
Me:” hey love” she was looking on the photo album
Thabi:” hey” she was sitting on the bed so i went to sit next to her. I was still wearing Eugene’s t shirt and my pyjama pants…yeah I looked terrible but it was still morning so nobody cared
Me:” so how are you feeling?” she gave me a faint smile while she traced her fingers on Tebogo’s photo
Thabi:” I will be fine Andi…thanks though…how are you?” I smiled
Me:” fine I guess” I had to tell her that I was leaving…my heart hurts for her though…I didn’t want her to be all alone shame…
Me:” uhm Nthabi you know I love you right? Like I wanna be there for you through this”
Thabi:” you’ve been there for me and thank you”
Me:” well…I am leaving sweety” I said that and took her hand with both my hands
Thabi:” leaving? Define leaving” she was freaking out
Me:” uhm after what happened to Tebogo your brother is shaken and he wants to take me to some place where it will be safe”
Thabi:’ what? So Eugene is scared? And then where are you gonna go? As for me? You are both just going to leave me alone?”
Eugene:” we are not going to leave you alone Nthabi” we both looked at the door and Eugene was standing there with his hands folded on his chest…I thought he was sleeping
Thabi:” you are taking me with you?” he walked in and sat on the bed and looked at her
Eugene:” there is no easy way to say this so I will just come out and say it…you are going to Mexico…you go-“
Thabi:” what? wh…why would I do that?” she got out of bed and looked at Eugene like he was crazy
Eugene:” because it’s not safe here…we can’t have a repeat of what happen to our sister”
Thabi:” Mexico? I thought what happened to Tebogo was just a hijacking gone wrong Eugene…you can’t honestly expect me to just pack up and leave…and we don’t even know anyone in Mexico…God nooo” she was pacing up and down
Eugene:” I know it’s not ideal Nthabi but as your brother I need to keep you safe…you are the only family I have right now…I can’t lose you” she stopped walking and looked at him
Nthabi:” I am not stupid…I am not dumb...something is going on here…Eugene do you know the people who killed our sister? Is that why you want me to leave because you are afraid they’ll do the same to me? I am not a child anymore just let me in” he stood up and walked to her but she shook her head and walked away from him
Eugene:” I know nothing…I am just trying to protect you…I have a business associate of mine in Mexico and he is willing to take you in baby” she looked at him and then at me and then away
Thabi:” but this is where my life is Eugene…my friends…my bo…I mean everyone is here…I can’t leave the country”
Me:” you can always come and visit” she looked at us with her hands folded on her chest
Thabi:” please Eugene don’t do this to me…” she now had tears in her eyes
Eugene:” we have to do this…I can’t risk anything happening to you again. You know I can’t keep tabs on you Thabi…I am always working…I have a business that really need me so I want to make sure that you are safe” I got up and walked to her. I hugged her so tight
Nthabi:” Andi talk to him…please talk to him...i just lost my sister and now I am losing all of you too, my friends and classmates and my home…I can’t do it” she sobbed. Eugene looked at me while I hug her and just blinked. I looked at him and mouthed the words ‘I hate you’ with my angry face on…I hated him for doing this to the poor girl…for doing the same to me…he was taking us away from the people we loved…all for what? A revenge?
Eugene:” uhm I will prep breakfast so long and after breakfast Andi you should start packing your stuff…as for you Thabi…you have today to say goodbye to all your friends…we are leaving for Mexico tomorrow at 16:00…I am sorry love but this need to be done. I know you have school but we will work something out” he said that and walked out of the room like a heartless evil boss.
Me:” Thabi its gonna be okay my love” I broke the hug and followed him
Me:” the nerve…God damn it, the nerve” I said that following him down the stairs. He stood at the end of the stairs and looked up at me as I walk down
Me:” do you have any idea how she is hurting? What you are doing to her?” I was angry and had tears in my eyes by now…God I was so emotional
Eugene:” Andani stop” he said in a very calm voice with his eyes slightly closed…he opened them again and looked at me
Me:” stop what huh? Telling you that y-“ I stopped because he quickly grabbed both my hands on each of his hand with such a force….his grip was tight on my hands
Me:” let me go!” I was trying to get him to let me go but he held me tight…he looked straight into my eyes
Eugene:” I have tried, God Andani f*** it man I have tried to be civil with you and to treat you like my damn equal but you don’t get it and you are never going to get it. That’s my sister up there and you have no damn right to tell me what or how I should protect her okay? I know what I am bloody doing and no body and that include you is gonna tell me how to do things otherwise. I am tired of your whining and of you questioning the same thing over and over again…if you are so tired of all this then you are welcome to leave. This is me Andani…this is what you agreed to…this is what you agreed to love so either you suck it up or walk out of it…either way…I am taking you to George because you still have my child inside of you and I am taking my sister to Mexico…why is it so hard for you to understand that I am just trying to keep you safe? Do you think that I enjoy knowing that I killed my own parents? And that my sister died because of me? And that I have lost twins? Do you think I enjoy that feeling? F*** man Andani just try to understand that I don’t want to lose anyone else that I love okay? I can’t survive another loss” his eyes were dark and teary
Me:” Eug-“
Eugene:”don’t” he warned. I just looked at him and blinked. He let go of my hands and leaned over to me and kissed my forehead
Eugene:” as f*****g annoying as you are…I am still bloody in love with you” he said that and walked to the kitchen.
Right at around 11 we left for George. We were still angry at each other…we were not even talking. Nthabeleng was out with friends…she said she wanted to make a proper goodbye at least. Well I hadn’t talked to Vhusani since yesterday…I don’t even know what I was going to say to her…she was so going to hate me for doing this to her
THEMBULUWO
So Ndivhuwo had been in contact with this Eugene guy…yah that was his name and his fiancée’s name was Andani. They were on their way now. I was chilling with my brothers out on the patio talking and eating snacks. We wanted to drink but we decided against the idea just in case we get drunk because we were about to have guests. Finally the phone rang and Ndivhuwo gave the guy clear directions on how to get to the house from town. After that call Xolani called Tshililo and informed her that they were almost here. Tshililo came out and stood at the door
Tshili:” I don’t like this one bit…I have a feeling that they will bring us nothing but bad news”
Ndiv:” and we love bad news” he said that smiling…we all just looked at him and shook our heads. Tshililo pressed the remote and opened the door so long. After about 10 minutes we saw a damn Benz driving in…s***!
X:” ow”
Me:” bloody hell”
Tshili:” okay” Ndivhuwo just looked at the car and said nothing
X:” you think she is hot?” I short all of them a death stare
X:” okay sorry” Ndivhuwo stood up and looked at the car. The car drove in and parked at the drive way just behind my car. We all stood up and waited for a while. Tshililo just stood at the door and stared. After a while the nigga got out
Tshili:” wow” we all looked at her frowning
Tshili:” what? Why are you all looking at me like that? He is cute”
Me:”what?”
Tshili:” oww uhm he has nothing on ya’ll though” we still looked at her
Tshili:” I mean it…he got nothing on you guys” we rolled our eyes and looked back at them. He went to the passenger’s door and opened the door for the lady…ahg mtzm this guy was over doing this whole thing…can he just leave already? I hate him…I really hate him already
Tshili:” so he is also a gentleman huh?” she was smiling
Me:”may you stop!” I said angrily
Tshili:” I am sorry”
Ndiv:” I hate him” he said looking at the guy
X:” makes the two of us”
Me:” make it three…he is a bit coy…like he is full of himself”
Ndiv:” doesn’t even look like he can use a gun” the girl finally got out of the car
X:” look at our job…I mean she is the job right?” he smiled…she was in a simple blue knee high dress and some sandals…she was not in anything fancy but she still looked fine
Thembu:” yep…she really is the job”
Ndiv:” a fine sexy job” we all looked at Tshililo as if expecting her to say something
Me:” I am not bothered…I know I am better than her” she said smiling…we all laughed
ANDANI
I got out of the car as soon as he opened the door for me
Gee:”f***, all these damn guys?”
Me:” there is a girl too” he looked really jealous and I was tryna make him feel better.
He took my hand and we walked towards the house where there were three handsome guys and one lady standing at the patio. Damn…the guys were hot…are they the ones who are supposed to watch me? No they were way too hot for that…God…wow look at that one…mhm the one with a black t shirt on….jeez…I wonder whose woman that is…like I don’t understand how she survives with so many hotties around. Wow look at them laughing…hopefully they weren’t the ones to watch me…my thoughts were interrupted when I realised that we got to them
Eugene:” hello”
Guy 1:” hi” the one in black t shirt walked to Eugene and shook his hand…OMG…He was just…wow…owww damn. Is it wrong for me to do this? To admit that a guy is hot? Not that I was feeling anything for him but…
Guy1:” I am the guy you were talking with on the phone…I am the famous Roli…well I am kidding…I am his twin…Ndivhuwo”
Eugene:” oww nice to finally meet you Ndivhuwo…well I am Eugene as you know and this is my fiancée Andani” Ndivhuwo extended his hand and shook my hand…okaaaaay
Ndiv:” well this right here is my brother Xolani…and this is my brother Thembu and that over there is the woman of the house…Thembu’s wife…hopefully she’ll get along very well with…uhm what’s her name again?” so that girl was someone’s wife? She looked really young though…or maybe she was just beautiful like that
Eugene:” Andani…her name is Andani”
Ndiv:” yes with Andani” he smiled
ZWI A PENGA – LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
Chapter 4
TSHILILO
Me:” welcome home Andani…I hear you’ll be staying with us for a while…well you’ll get to know each of us better as we move along and you’ll also get to meet the rest of our family…come on in guys”
Eugene:” you guys were sitting outside when we arrived so we don’t mind just joining you…if my fiancée is going to stay here then it’s about time we get close to you guys” he was smiling…mhm he was too cute for this life shame. Too cute to be a thug
Ndiv:” cool then but don’t be mistaken…we are not friends” he had his straight face on
Me:” Ndivhuwo” I hissed
Ndiv:” what? This is business”
Me:” don’t”
Gee:” it’s cool…he is right…this is nothing but business”
Tshililo:” Andani come help me out here…we were kinda waiting for you guys so that we may have lunch…on a second thought…everybody follow me”
Thembu:” babe why?”
Tshili:” you don’t expect me and her to go in and out of the house 100 times while you all sit here right? Let’s just go in all at once and bring everything outside please”
X:” yohh this woman” I smiled walking to the house with the rest of the guys behind me. We got there and I gave them each a bowel. Thembu cooked pap obviously…we are venda’s so we can’t call it lunch without pap…it just can’t happen…anyway he also cooked chicken stew and Spinach…yepp we were going back home baby…the food reminded us so much of home…so we took everything outside including the glasses and some drinks. We all went to our picnic table and sat there. We dished up and started eating
Ndiv:” we can somer start talking business right now…we are running a family business here so nothing is confidential” he said while eating
Eugene:” okay” he nodded
Tshili:” do we really have to talk business now? I thought we have to get to know them first”
Thembu:” babe this is all business…nothing more”
Tshili:” oww I forgot”
Ndiv:” so how long are we supposed to baby sit her?” Andani short Ndivhuwo a disgusting stare…Ndiv looked at her as if he didn’t care and then looked away…I don’t understand why he was doing this…being nice to the poor couple wouldn’t really hurt
Gee:” uhm I am not sure but I don’t think it’s gonna be more than a month or if it takes longer than that it will be just a little bit over a month”
X:” oww that’s cool then”
Ndiv:” and how sure are you that your enemies wont track her here?”
Gee:” they won’t…my question here is how safe is she with you guys? You have no enemies who might attack?”
Ndiv:” no there is no need to worry about that”
Thembu:” just so that we are clear…we are good in what we do okay? But we are trying to stay away from…you know…so we’ve been clean now for over a year…we haven’t been involved in any shady dealings or any guns and stuff so we don’t wanna go back”
Ndiv:” yeah we have a big family so the last thing we need is endangering them again…believe me Eugene if it comes down to that then you’ll really know what we are made of”
Eugene:” you are getting worked up for nothing…she won’t be found…I will make sure of it”
Me:” you better…I don’t have a problem with having her around…in fact I am kinda excited that I will have someone in the house but I don’t want my family to be in danger…we’ve been through some serious s*** and we aint going back there”
Thembu:” see? She is the woman of the house…she knows this life way too well”
Gee:” I am your man”
X:” sure then”
Gee:” so we should discuss the payment…I know Rod’s father said you owe him a favour but I don’t expect you to do this for me for free” Ndivhuwo smiled
Ndiv:” well we don’t need your cash…we are sorted but there has to be something else”
Eugene:” something like what?” he had stopped eating and was looking straight at Ndivhuwo
Ndiv:” from now on you become our b****….we will contact you when we are in need of something and you’re gonna help us…I hear you are also good so this is all about having allies…so if we ever need any assistance then you are our guy…from now onwards…you owe us one” Andani was just sitting there saying nothing
Eugene:” Okay cool then”
Ndiv:” then we have a deal” he smiled. We ate for a while without anyone saying anything
Me:” so Andani, you will be staying here in this house…its usually just me and my husband but with you around Ndivhuwo said he will also come at times”
Andani:” no offence or anything but just the two of you? What if something happens?” my husband and I looked at each other and smiled
Tshili:” you don’t trust us?”
Andani:” it’s not that it’s just…”
X:” you should trust them my dear…that woman over there is more dangerous and stronger than you think…she can do this on her own…keeping you safe I mean…she can do it by herself”
Gee:” now I am interested” we all just smiled looking at them
Tshili:” you’ll hear more about us some other time”
I was not ready to be talking about the s*** we’ve been through…I mean where do you even begin? I was feeling sorry for this poor soul though. The girl looked so innocent…like she didn’t know much about what she was getting herself into. As much as I was happy to have another woman around…I was also sad…I was sad because I knew that with this life it was hard to find a happy ending….the girl looked like those Barbie girls who grew up watching Disney movies and doing play dates instead of playing in the streets the whole day with all the kids in the neighbourhood…this life was so going to break her. Damn I felt like warning her and telling her to give it all up…this was going to change her completely…soon enough she’ll become a killer…she’ll be heartless and she’ll do anything to keep herself and her family safe. Don’t get me wrong okay? I was happy with my life…I was happy with being with Thembuluwo but we can’t overlook the fact that I’d been on the death bed more than I could count…I’d been a victim of human trafficking and forced to sleep with different man…I lost a child…found myself shooting people and getting kidnapped more than I could count…believe me it was no fun….and that’s what you do 90% of your life…you are only normal for 10% percent and the whole time you are just in pain and crying or trying to protect yourself and your family. She didn’t look like she could do it. Is this how I was when it all started? Was I this innocent? I felt like crying…the scars I carried with me right now were real permanent scars. I looked at this Andani chick and I hated her. Why did she choose all this? Couldn’t she have found herself a normal man? This was not for faint hearted bruh.
Gee:” so you two…you are not married?” he was looking at Ndivhuwo and Xolani
X:” I have a wife and a daughter…she is less than a year”
Ndiv:” I am very much single”
Gee:” oww and you are the older brother right?”
Ndiv:” yeah I am…are you bothered by me being single? Don’t worry my brother I don’t jeopardise business like that…Andani will be treated like a sister”
Eugene:” I was not really worried but thanks”
Thembu:” so do you mind letting us in on this adventure you are about to take…it must be huge” we all gave him the ‘really?’ look…I mean that was his personal stuff
Eugene:” I lost a sister and…well I have to do what need to be done” Ndivhuwo smiled
Ndiv:” now that’s my boy” we all laughed.
So we ate as we laughed lightly...people were getting loosening up with each passing second…we were not tense anymore…Eugene and Andani were also free now. After the food we collected the plates and took them to the kitchen. I decided to start washing them right away…Andani volunteered but I told her to chill and enjoy her first day in my house. So everyone walked outside and left me with my dishes alone. Ndivhuwo then walked in.
Ndiv:” uhm I just need some water”
Me:” owk” I was busy washing the dishes so he took a glass and poured some water and then drank
Ndiv:” mind if I help you?” he said when he was done
Me:” I am okay Ndivhuwo”
Ndiv:’ okay I am helping you either way…I kinda miss you” he said that rinsing the plates
Me:” but we’ve been together all afternoon” I knew what he was talking about but I was just dodging him
Ndiv:” you know what I mean Tshili…our talks…I miss them and sometimes I kind of need them” he was whispering…see? He knew that this was wrong and that’s why he was whispering but he was doing it anyway
Me:” I am sorry Ndivhu but my hands are tied”
Ndiv:” I know that…just smile for me” he smiled
Me:” tsek” I had my serious face on
Ndiv:” you are just funny” I eyed him and he was still smiling
Ndiv:” nothing you do is going to kill my mood…I am so happy to see you and I am happy to have this little private moment with you”
Me:” what about what I have asked you?”
Ndiv:” what did you ask?”
Me:” Ndivhuwo please”
Ndiv:” okay okay I get it…uhm I am struggling to find someone”
Me:” are you even looking?”
Ndiv:” they are not you…nobody is you” I stood there and looked at him with my angry face…I didn’t want this…I didn’t want him to be like this…I know he pretended to be fine but he was a broken soul and he needed someone…not me because I was not available for him but he needed someone to love him and that he can love…that could help him a great deal
Me:”you are not supposed to find another me Ndivhuwo…you won’t find her because there is only one me…and that’s the me you can’t have” I said angrily
Ndiv:” don’t be angry” I just looked at him and said nothing
Ndiv:” okay okay Tshili I will try…I promise I will start looking”
Me:” so you haven’t even started yet huh? You lied to me” he stopped what he was doing and leaned over to me
Ndiv:” you think that this is easy? You don’t just switch off feelings and start loving someone else okay? You are like the very first person that I have ever truly love so it’s not easy to just let go Tshili”
Tshili:” but you gotta try…you are not even trying” I said throwing my hands in the air in frustration
Ndiv:” but I don’t want to try…the only reason why I wanna try is because you asked me to” he walked away from me in frustration and went to stand leaning against a fridge
Ndiv:” I will try…I promise I will try” it was as if saying these words hurt
Me:” I jus…I don’t wanna hear you cry again Ndivhuwo…it breaks my heart…it hurts to hear you so broken and lonely…i wanna see you happy”
Ndiv:” you worry too much about me…I am handling this…crying and all that s*** is me trying to handle it…I will be fine”
Me:” okay…ju-“ I stopped when I saw Thembuluwo walking to us. Ndivhuwo was still standing against the fridge and I was finishing up the dishes
Thembu:” you are here” okay he wasn’t happy…he was actually pissed…he was looking at Ndivhuwo
Ndiv:” yes I am here”
Thembu:” and you all stopped talking on my account”
Ndiv:” okay this is really about to get weird and I am not about to do weird…so I am leaving…just…nothing happened bruh” he walked out.
Thembu:’ what was that?” oww God not this again
Me:’ what’s what?”
Thembu:” you and him…what were you talking about?”
Me:” about his girlfriend”
Thembu:’ he has a girlfriend?”
Me:” no…he is planning on having one”
Thembu:” so why discuss it with you? Was he trying to get your permission?”
Me:” what?”
Thembu:” yeah…why else would you be discussing boyfriends with my brother”
Me:” I am honestly not going to do this with you…I am not going back to this”
Thembu:” to what?”
Me:” can we not do this please? Thembuluwo I am begging you let’s not do this”
Thembu:” okay” he walked away
Me:” Thembuluwo wait”
Thembu:’ what?”
Me:” we’re cool?”
Thembu:” yeah we are cool…I’m just…well I am sorry” he said that and walked away.
So we spent the remaining of the afternoon together. When it was dinner time we called Nandos and ordered in some food for all of us. We ate and then watched TV…we were all chilled now. After a while I called Eugene and Andani and showed them their bedroom…Eugene was going to leave the following day. I said goodnight to the guys and went to the bedroom. Thembu told me that he’ll follow me shortly.
THEMBULUWO
Me:” uhm I am a little bit confused here…I thought you were going to let this guy pay us a little” Ndivhuwo gave me the ‘what the f*** look’
Ndiv:” what? We aint about to take this guy’s cash…how is that gonna look? We can’t go around looking all broke…plus we are not even broke yet…you said we will be broke in about a year so we have a year to come up with real cash”
X:” beside that…Ndivhuwo when we decided to go clean…you had lot of operations even outside the country….you had lot of cash bruh and you only gave us 10mil which is the money we are all spending now and it’s the same money that Thembu is saying it won’t hold us off for too long…did you shut all your operations off? When you said you’ll make a plan…does the plan entails one of your pipelines?” Ndivhuwo looked at us and smiled
Ndiv:” guys I was serious about starting over and being clean. I stopped everything…I had lot of cash, you are right about that but I gave it all away to the guys that worked for me…they were all about to be jobless so I gave them cash as a little thank you…more like a pension to hold them off until they find something…I encouraged all of them to start something legit with the money I gave them”
Me:” yohh and you only gave yourself 10mil?”
Ndiv:” I thought the legit businesses were going to give us enough cash…the 10mil was just to hold us off for a little while”
X:” I guess we should start looking into tenders because this is not funny” we all laughed
Me:” so you have nothing overseas now?”
Ndiv:” I still have my properties and that’s all…no drug connections…some of my guys told me that they’ll continue working and I gave them my blessings…some of them have my pipelines now and I aint about to go to some guy and ask for cash”
X:” yohh am I allowed to say that you’ve been a bit stupid?”
Me:” but we all kinda agreed to be legit bruh”
X:” he should have lied and kept one pipeline going” Ndivhuwo laughed
Ndiv:” seriously? I should have lied? Anyway I can always sell one of my properties…believe me it could give us few millions when converted to south African rands…I am sure if I sell my house in France I can walk away with more than 50mil and we can just try and invest some cash to keep us afloat for a long time and do more businesses as well”
Me:” I don’t think selling a property is a good idea…what if something happens and we have to be in France? That should be our last option…plus it’s a good investment…we can’t just quickly sell it”
Ndiv:” okay I will come up with something”
X:” can I go to bed now? I need to call my wife”
Me:” sure thing” Xolani got up and left for his bedroom.
Ndiv:” I should go to bed too” he got up
Me:”Ndivhuwo” I got up too and looked at him
Ndiv:”yes”
Me:” I want you to know that I love my wife an-“
Ndiv:” Thembuluwo I know that”
Me:” No…I don’t think you do. I love her bruh and I love her so much and I want her to still be mine and I want her to be happy with me…I want her to only want me. In fact I want her to forget about what you guys had…I have no idea what goes on through her mind but I love her and I rea-“
Ndiv:” Thembuluwo we’ve been over this already…I am over her and I g-“
Me:” you are lying…I can see the way you look at her…I saw how you were looking at her over lunch today in the afternoon. I know you try to hide it but she is mine Ndivhuwo and you are my brother…we can’t do this…we can’t keep doing this. She is like the air that I breathe…I can’t imagine this life without her my man…I know I have been an arse in the past and hurt her so much but I have learned my lesson and I am making up for it bruh. I am trying my best to be the best for her. Can you believe I haven’t had sex with her since she came back? That’s because I love her and I want to give her anything she wants. I love you as my brother and I will swallow my prise and admit this….you scare me. Sometimes I feel like you’ll change your mind about this whole thing and take her and leave…I just want you to know how much I love her and how much losing her could break me…it could kill me” I said that and walked away and left him standing there. Deep inside I knew that there was a possibility of Tshililo still feeling something for Ndivhuwo…God I wished things were just different…this was messed up.
ZWI A PENGA – LIFE AS WE KNOW IT
Chapter 5
ANDANI
I am not gonna lie, these people had a beautiful house and the bedroom that they gave us was beautiful shame…I wondered how many bedrooms they had in here…I mean those guys were also sleeping here and they each have a bedroom. The whole house looked like those houses you see on Top Billing…I guess they were on the same level as my Eugene…this was more like his Gauteng house. I was still puzzled by that Tshililo girl…I wondered how old she was to be someone’s wife and to have a child already and to end up here. She seemed to have made peace with everything that’s happening. But at least they said that they had been clean for a year…we had taken my bags from the car and brought them to the bedroom.
Me:” they have a beautiful house” I said just after the shower we took together…yeah he helped me shower…he said he wanted to make the most of the little time we still had together
Eugene:” yah not bad” he was wearing his underwear and I was wearing my pyjama
Me:” what time do you leave tomorrow?”
Eugene:” oww so you are trying to get rid of me huh?” where the hell was this coming from?
Me:” why would I do that? I didn’t even want to come here in the first place remember?”
Eugene:” I think bringing you here was a mistake…I am actually re-thinking this whole thing right now…I don’t know if I can trust these boys…there is just something about them…they are full of games”
Me:” I guess I don’t have a say then…I mean this was your call”
Eugene:” I just don’t like how they were looking at you…all of them” he said getting into bed and I did too
Me:” you are not serious”
Eugene” do I look like I am joking?”
Me:” they were looking at us all…I don’t even know why you are worried…don’t you trust me?”
Eugene:” I don’t know” wow this was news to me, I raised an eye brow…I was seriously shocked by this…I was really really in shock
Me:” wow…just wow” I said that and slept
Eugene:” I am sorry Andi…I am just….i can’t lose you to anyone okay?”
Me:” unless i want people to die for me why would I even think of being with someone else huh? I love you and only you…I thought you knew that” I had given him my back…I wasn’t looking at him
Eugene:” So I can trust you?”
Me:” so you really don’t trust me?”
Eugene:” you’ve wronged me before Andani”
Me:” and you’ve kissed Kat on my presence before but I am trusting you”
Eugene:” okay I am choosing to trust you okay? Just don’t disappoint Andi…I can’t have anything happen”
Me:” I really don’t know which one is worse here…the fact that you actually dragged me here to the people I know nothing about or the fact that you are trying to make me feel guilty for being here or the fact that you think I will cheat on you with these cheese boys. I know you are messed up Eugene but damn baby this is way too messed up” he quickly turned me around and I looked at him
Me:” you are hurting me” he removed his hand and looked at me
Eugene:” I am sorry cupcake…right now I want you to be fine okay? You’re gonna be in this house for a very short space of time I promise you that…you don’t have to worry about me, I will be fine okay?”
Me:” okay”
Eugene:” we’re cool now?”
Me:” I guess so”
Eugene:” now come to daddy” he bent over and kissed me
Me:” I am going to miss you” I whispered through the kisses
Eugene:” f*** I will miss you more cupcake” he climbed on top of me and took off the pyjama top that I just wore…why the hell did I even bother huh? He traced his tongue at the back of my ear…dammit Eugene…I wrapped my hands around his neck and looked at him…he looked at me too
Me:” I will never give this to anyone cupcake…this is exclusively available to you…no one is going to touch what’s yours” I saw a lazy smile creeping in on his face
Eugene:” I can kill for you again Andi” he said with a smile
Me:” I can do the same too and I mean it” he laughed and buried his face on my neck and bite me a little bit…damn that was ticklish…he then started kissing me and traced his tongue to my chest and started sucking on my breasts…I started moaning lightly…this was not our house so I was not sure of it was sound proof or what…I was still thinking about that when he bite my tits a little…like f*** what the hell was wrong with him today? As much as it hurt a little it was also yummy…I loved it. He kissed me and then went all the way down to the cookie jar…I opened my legs wide open and let him dug in.
THEMBULUWO
The following morning Tshililo woke up first and walked out of the bedroom. She was probably making breakfast. I woke up and went to the shower. I came back and got dressed on my white chino pants and a grey OldKhaki round neck t shirt…oww year bruh…grey was still my colour. I wore my Jordan sandals and walked out of the bedroom. i walked down the stairs and found Andani and Tshililo busy in the kitchen. My woman was in a grey maxi dress and some sleepers…Andani wore a pink knee high floral dress…you know those dresses that looks like an umbrella? She wore one of those…I have no idea what women call them.
Me:” morning ladies”
“ hey” they chorused
Me:” I see my wife is enjoying having someone around”
Tshili:” to think that I hated the idea at first”
Andi:” you did?” she looked shocked
Tshili:’ yeah but don’t worry about it I am cool now…in fact I am happy you are here” she said smiling. They were busy making breakfast
Me:” let me leave you ladies to it”
I walked out of the door and I found Ndivhuwo standing outside in the garden looking at the fence with his hands in the pockets. Like that’s super weird .He was wearing black shots and a white vest and some sandals
Me:” hey”
Ndiv:” hey” okay he was cold...i guess it had something to do with last night, well I had to do that…someone had to try and clear the air
Me:” you’re cool?” I was looking at him and he was still looking at the fence with his hands in his pockets
Ndiv:” yeah” he was still not looking at me…he then turned around and faced me with his face looking on the floor
Ndiv:” actually I am not cool” he then looked straight into my eyes
Me:” ow” I honestly didn’t want to talk to him about my wife again
Ndiv:” I heard what you said last night and it made sense. I respect what you guys have and I will stay away but try looking at it this way. loving her the way you say you do…imagine her leaving you for me and then you have to be around her at times and you have to watch her and me as a husband and a wife. Loving her as deeply as you say you do…how easy can it be to let go? To forget she ever happened? Do you just snap your fingers and it’s done? Or it’s a process? Tell me Thembu, how soon can you get over her?” I looked at him and saw darkness coupled with pain…I couldn’t answer him…for the first time I saw things through his eyes…damn this wasn’t easy
Ndiv:” exactly…I am trying Thembu…this is me doing the best I can. I am trying to have a family I never had and I am trying to forget someone I truly loved. It’s not easy but I am doing it. I have no plans or intention of ever taking her or anything like that. This is a process and step by step I will get there. I don’t know if it was gonna be easy for you but I didn’t have a normal life…I didn’t get to love anyone else…except my brother and….your wife and I am truly sorry. I won’t interfere with your marriage Thembu, I have made peace with the fact that she chose you. I knew she was yours when I risked everything and went to Kenya for her so please bruh…don’t expect me to just shut my feelings like that…I can’t but I promise you something…I won’t try anything funny and one day I will truly get over her” he said that and walked to the car that he hired when they got here
Me:” where are you going now?”
Ndiv:” to unwind” he was walking to the car and not looking at me. I walked after him
Me:” I get what you said”
Ndiv:” cool then”
Me:” we’re okay? I don’t want us to fight” he turned around and looked at me with a smile on his face
Ndiv:” you think I want us to fight? Chill bruh…you got to keep the woman…be happy about it…I am cool, seriously” he had a smile on his face…I fail to know if Ndivhuwo is genuinely smiling or is pretending…so I wasn’t sure if this was a real smile or a pained smile
Me:” Okay” Eugene walked out of the house right at that moment…he was on the phone…I decided not to crowd him and walked back to the house.
EUGENE
Gee:” Okay Lusani what are you saying?”
Lusani:” I just want to find out when you’ll be back”
Gee:” why? what’s happening?”
Lusani:” I thought you’ll want to spend few hours with Nthabi before she leaves”
Gee:” I am flying in an hour…so I will be home shortly and I doubt that’s the reason you called though so spit it out”
Luu:” uhm”
Gee:” Lusani!”
Luu:” paps is here”
Gee:” what?” he was shocked
Luu:” yep…your grand daddy is here in flesh”
Gee:” what the hell? Uhm my flight leaves in an hour and it’s an almost two hours flight to Joburg so tell him I will be home shortly”
Luu:” sure case” he dropped the call and walked to the house. He walked in and stood at the door looking at Tshililo and Andani standing in the kitchen cooking and laughing together. He hated that he was leaving her here with these people…in fact he just hated being out of her sight, being out of their baby’s sight
Thembu:” you’ll miss her huh?” Eugene didn’t even realise it when Thembu walked to him
Eugene:” big time…she is pregnant” Thembu raised an eyebrow
Thembu:” what? Wow man congrats”
Eugene:” thank you”
Thembu:” you don’t look happy though” Gee chuckled with sadness in his face
Gee:” I am actually scared about the whole fatherhood thing and this life I am living…God this s*** is not good for the baby…I can’t even tell her how I am feeling”
Thembu:”I feel you…she’ll make it…the baby will make it”
Gee:” we’ve lost twins before…that’s why I am supper nervous right now”
Thembu:” I know the feeling…I have lost one” Eugene looked at Thembu and frowned
Gee:” really?”
Thembu:” kakest feeling in the world…she’ll be safe here…we will keep her safe” Eugene smiled a weird smile realising that he actually told Thembu a hell lot about himself without even realising it…it must have been the nerves…dammit
Gee:” let me steal my woman for few minutes and then she’s gonna have to drive me to the airport…where is your brother?”
Thembu:” he went out”
Eugene:” if I left before he comes back then you’ll tell him that I am gone”
Eugene walked to Andani
Gee:” uhm Tshili can I steal her? I have to leave shortly and she has to drive me to the airport”
Tshili:” sure thing” Eugene took Andi’s hand and walked to the bedroom. They got there and he closed the door and stood against it with his hand still on hers
Gee:” I am so sorry cupcake…I am so sorry my love…I really am. Uhm I don’t want to leave you at all, I don’t want you to spend any moment of our pregnancy alone but I need to do this…few days to do this…that’s all I ask okay? I will come back and take you and then we can have our time together” she smiled
Andi:” no more fighting ok?” they smiled at each other
Eugene:” this is the final nail on the coffin baby and then I am done…and then we’re gonna be happy again”
Andi:” okay”
Eugy:” come here” he pulled her to him and hugged her tight
Andi:” the shrink…are you going to see the shrink before the whole thing?” he broke the hug and looked at her
Eugene:” I don’t know about that” she closed her eyes and blew out some air and then opened them and looked at him
Andi:” Eugene you can’t go back to that person please just go and see her…even if it’s an hour…tell her about your plan and she’ll advice you on how to handle the cravings” he rolled his eyes at her
Eugene:” okay okay if it will make you feel better” she smiled
Andi:” now that’s my cupcake” he bent over and kissed her
ANDANI
So I drove my big baby to the airport. We got there and waited for his plain to board
Me:” promise me you’ll be careful” I wanted to cry but I had to keep strong…I didn’t want to do anything that will distract him…I wanted him to fully focus so that he don’t get distracted
Gee:” I always am” it was time for him to go in so I kissed him and looked at him as he walked away.
I stood there with tears on my face. I was scared for him…I was really scared that this might be the last time I am seeing him. I needed to talk to someone but I couldn’t even tell Vhusani about this or about why I had to be in hiding. One thing for sure I had to call her. I felt so alone and so isolated. I couldn’t even talk to that Tshililo girl because she was not even my friend. I walked to my car and sat there and decided to call Vhusani and get it over with. Damn she was so going to be angry with me…I hated doing this to her. She’s always put me first…I’ve always been a priority and look at what I am doing now? I hated Eugene for this. I dialled her number
Vhusani:” my one and only” I smiled
Me:” my everything”
Vhusani:” how are you keeping up sweety?”
Me:” I don’t know Vhusi” yeah I had to start lying to her in order for me to keep the truth from her
Vhusani:” he is taking it bad neh?”
Me:”soo bad that we flew across the ocean Vhusi…I am in Mexico with him…he has some relatives here so he wants to clear his head”
Vhusani:” oww uhm that’s…well as long as it makes him feel better…he is rich so money is obviously not a problem…how are you holding up though? Being in another country and all that”
Me:” well what can I say? I am good”
Vhusani:” when do you come back?” well I wasn’t sure…Eugene said something about a month but what if it takes longer than that? I didn’t want to give her the date and disappoint her
Me:” that’s the thing I don’t know…we might be here for more than a month”
Vhusani:”a what?”
Me:” yeah”
Vhusani:” and my wedding? Lady you are supposed to take care of my surprise wedding”
Me:” I know babe but…”
Vhusani:” but your big baby Eugene needs your ass right?” owww God she was pissed…if she talked like this then she was totally pissed
Me:” Vhusani I am so sorry my hands are tied”
Vhusani:” don’t give me that bull Andani…don’t give me that…when it comes to helping me your hands are always tied but mine don’t get tied right? I am always available to help you when you go through different situations but you don’t do the same for me. Let’s forget all the other stuff and talk about this…dammit Andani this is my damn wedding” I put my hand on my forehead feeling helpless…this was going to break my friendship with her
Me:” I am sorry” I said in a low tone
Vhusani:” noo…I am sorry for being a f*****g good friend to you…I am sorry about that…so I guess you have to call Lalamani and turn him down then…tell him that you can’t help him pull it off…f*** Andani at least I knew that with you on board then I will get everything I want for my big day but here you are bailing out on me” I went quiet…I didn’t even know what to say
Vhusani:” I have always had your back…since varsity days I have always had your back…through your relationship with Rialivhuwa…your divorce…your mopping around and your son…and this Eugene…I was there through it all Andi” she was crying now…oww my God. I found myself crying too…why did Eugene do this to me? I couldn’t tell her the truth…the truth was too much and I couldn’t come clean so I had to let her be angry at me…I had to face the possibility of losing my best friend
Me:” I will try work something out okay?”
Vhusani:” you know what? Don’t even bother Andani…I am done” she hung up on me. yohh I dialled her again but she didn’t pick up…I tried again but she didn’t pick up…dammit…I drove back to the house that was to be my home for the next couple of weeks. I parked on the driveway and sat in the car for a while. I thought about my son. I missed him so so much. Eugene said he’ll be fine at home…he was keeping my family safe. I wished he could have taken me home though but he said that I was a target because I actually stayed with him. How I wished things were be different. I was still sitting in the car when Tshililo walked out of the house and all the way to the passenger door. I unlocked the door for her and she got in.
Tshili:” you miss him already huh?”
Me:” I am actually worried” I said looking at her…she looked at me and gave me a faint smile
Tshili:’ how long have you been with him?” I thought about it
Me:” less than a year but it feels like 10 years already”
Tshili:” I know that feeling…sometimes I feel like I am 45” I smiled at her
Andi:” does it get better?”
Tshili:” sometimes…I just wouldn’t want this for anyone else”
Me:” that bad huh?”
Tshili:” I don’t want to scare you…anyway you need to trust him…he will be back for you…you will be his driving force so he will be careful and he will come back for you” I smiled
Me:” thank you”
Tshili:” you really love him huh?”
Me:” a lot” she looked at me and shook her head and then looked away. It looked like she wanted to say something but she decided to keep quiet
Me:” what is it?”
Tshili:” it’s nothing love…come, we have to eat” she got out of the car and walked to the house. I was getting out of car when I saw a car drove in. I got out and Ndivhuwo also got out. He looked at me and smiled
Ndiv:” hey” he walked to me”
Me:” hi”
Ndiv:” where is your fiancée?”
Me:” he left”
Ndiv:” ow” he got to me and we walked to the house together”
Ndiv:” so how are you finding this place so far?” there was just something about the way he smiled
Me:” it’s cool”
Ndiv:” good then”
Maybe this wasn’t my home and these people weren’t my friends but I think I kinda liked them and liked this Tshili girl. She was exactly what I needed…at least she knew what I was going through…I thought about that as we walked to the house. Eish my heart ached for my friend though.
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