Zwi a Penga (English version) 71-75

Zwi a Penga
Insert 71

THEMBULUWO

2 months later

Tshililo went to France and she’d been there for two months. I kinda missed her but hey she was water under the bridge and I had to move on. She called every once in a while to update me on her progress...I talked to her about two weeks ago and she said she’s doing fine and that the treatment was helpful. Things between me and Ziyanda were still fine. Xolani and Zoleka were trying. The wedding had been postponed…Xolani told Zoli that he wanted to get better first but he told me a different story. He said he wanted Ndweli to give birth first. He was giving Onndwela support behind Zoleka’s back...yeah it was a crazy situation.

I was chilling in my house with Ziyanda one afternoon
Me:"would it be wrong for me to ask you to stay over?" she looked at me and smiled
Ziyanda:"babe don’t start"
Me:"what? i am just asking....i am quite lonely and i am always alone so having your company would be great"
Ziyanda:"well it’s not happening" I laughed a bit
Me:"ok Zee i get it" I said that and started kissing her. Yeah there was nothing wrong with a kiss and i was obviously not going to manipulate her into anything. Things started to heat up but i made sure that i don’t raise my hopes up because i knew i was not gonna get anything more than what we were doing already. So it got so busy that we took off our tops. I was surprised when she stopped what we were doing and just looked on my chest
Me:"what is it?"
Zee:"What’s that?" she was pointing at my chest and then at my waistline…dammit I remembered what she was talking about
Me:"uhm well..." i guess it was her first time taking a good look at me
Zee:"so...you even have a tattoo of her on your body? Really?" she got up and looked at me
Me:"Zee please it’s in the past....i will go to the doctor and have them removed please don’t do that" her eyes immediately became teary…God, women
Zee:"why haven’t you done it already? It’s bad enough that i am insecure because i can’t give you sex but to compete with your ex-wife? She is all over your body Thembu" i closed my eyes and then opened them and walked to her. I didn’t want to lose her, not at all....especially not because of a tattoo
Me:"babe please i love you and only you owk? So please don’t do this...there is a reason why i did them....i was in jail.....i thought i was never gonna see her again...these made me feel closer to her"
Zee:"jail? You've been to jail? Who the hell are you? Wait a minute....is that what i think it is? A 28? Like a 28? As in 28?" She was freaking out and started shaking. Damn this was getting out of control. I was not ready to tell her the truth but it seemed like I didn’t have a choice. If i wanted to keep her then i had to come clean. She walked out of the door and I walked after her and took her hand
Me:"come here don’t leave, give me a chance to explain everything to you and then you'll leave if you want to" I took her hand and we walked back to the house
Zee:"why do you have that tattoo? A 28...i don’t get it...and you've been arrested...lord am i dating a thug? What are you?"
Me:"yeah i know it doesn’t make sense right now and this is me trying to make you understand”
Zee:"ok?" she looked really terrified
Me:"it all started 6 years ago when i was doing my first year at NMMU....i was studying a diploma in conservation...things were bad at home....in fact my father was.........” I told her every damn thing…except for the fact that I had slept with Bee while with her of course

Zee:”so the reason why you started with drugs business was because of her?” I rolled my eyes unintentionally…women can be such a piece of work, yeses
Me:”nooo, I said my mom needed a break…we all needed a break at home and selling drugs gave me a chance to give them that break…we were finally free of my dad” she looked at me as if she was not believing me
Zee:”I don’t know Thembu, this is all a lot to take in. like you are a gangster and you have been with Tshililo through thick and thin, you even have her name on your body….like how the hell am I supposed to compete with that? I don’t know if I can do this” what?
Me:” you don’t have to compete with anyone, I am all yours….I know it’s all too much but you said you love me….please let’s start over Ziyanda. I love you, that is why I have been patient with you, I didn’t force you into sex because all I want is to have you in my life that’s all”
Zee:”eish I don’t know Thembu, you have a baby on the other side…I will have to deal with two baby momma’s…no it’s not for me, it’s not how I pictured my life”
Me:”I know that but maybe our love is stronger than that”
Zee:”I don’t think so, it’s just too much stuff to deal with Thembu, on top of everything else I will have to deal with you being a gangster…wow I just…uhm thank you for being honest with me, it must have really been hard but I am sorry I have to go” she got up and walked away. I walked after her
Me:”Ziyanda don’t do this, please love don’t do this…at least take some time to think it through, I will give you some time to think about it, tell me you’ll think about it please” we were walking to the door with me behind her
Zee:”I don’t know Thembu, I always thought that there was something fishy about you but this is not what I anticipated”
Me:”I know that but the grass is not always as green as it seem….this is life and it’s not always on our side Zee, I have had my fair share of regrets and pain but right now I want to focus on us, on making you happy”
Zee:”I am sorry but I have to go”
Me:”owk I will drive you”
Zee:”no its fine I will get a taxi”
Me:”you won’t get a taxi here, you can only get a cab so let me take you”
Zee:”no I w-“
Me:”just stop ok? I am still the same damn person you were busy kissing a minute ago, nothing has changed so if I wanted to sell you or kill you I would have done it the first time you came to my house so get a grip please” so I drove her to her place
Me:”so that’s about it Ziyanda, the choice is yours and I won’t force you into anything, think about it all” I started the car and she got out and walked away without saying a word to me. I didn’t want to force her or to persuade her…I wanted her to decide on her own.

I was on my way when I decided to call the Doctor’s surgery and ask him if I can have my tattoos removed that same day. I offered him some good cash. After asking me to hold for a while the receptionist asked me to drop by and that I’ll have to wait for the Doctor to finish up with few patients and then he’ll have my tattoos removed. There was no need to have Tshili’s name or TTTT inked on my body anymore. I drove to the surgery and waited at the waiting area. It was already a bit late at the time but I didn’t care…all I wanted was for the tattoos to be removed.

When it was my time I was called into the consultation room and I go there and explained to the Doctor what I needed. He was still explaining to me the whole process when someone opened the door. I got shocked when I saw Tshililo walking in. She looked fine…she was walking and she looked fine. Was this a dream maybe? No its got to be a dream, she couldn’t be here
Tshili:” don’t do it Thembuluwo, please don’t…or maybe I should just ask you if you really wanna do it? That’s the last link you have of us…..do you wanna remove that?” her eyes were a bit teary…I was seriously still in shock
Me:”uhm…no ways….nooo Tshililo you are supposed to be in France”
Tshili:” I came back today and I found out about this…Don’t ask how I knew but I heard that you are here trying to have your tattoos removed and I am here to reason with you….i personally don’t want you to remove them” I looked at the Doctor and then at her. What the hell was she saying to me?
Me:”but we are divorced Tshili…it’s not like we are getting back together” she came and stood in front of me
Tshili:”wont we? Wouldn’t you like it though? Think about it Thembuluwo Mudau…..everything we’ve done together, everything we’ve been through, would it all have been for nothing? Yes we signed the divorce papers but what we shared is in here, in our hearts and that’s why you have my name on your body…I am back for you Thembu…..i am here to fight….i am here to fight for us so I am telling you right now…don’t do this” the Doctor just looked at us. I just looked at her and blinked…I was still in shock. She didn’t say anything else but walked out the door. I got up
Me:” excuse me doc” the Doctor nodded. I walked out of the door and followed her
Me:”Tshililo” we were at the passage…she turned around and looked at me
Tshili:”Thembuluwo” so I was really not dreaming
Me:”how are you here? And when did you come back?”
Tshili:” today…I planned on seeing you tomorrow but I did a little digging on what you’ve been up to and then I found out about this…so I came here as fast as I could”
What the hell? So Tshililo was really here. I slowly walked to her and she walked to me. Ok this was a bit weird and most people won’t really understand this and only those who had been in love will surely understand. She was in some hot skinny’s damn she reminded me so much of our life together…she wore a vest which was neatly tucked in and a high heel
We stood close to each other and starred into each other
Me:”why are you here exactly?”
Tshili:” you”
She whispered. I looked at her one more time and I became weak. I failed to resist her, I failed to remember the situation we were currently in. and I held her neck and kissed her so hard. Damn my world literally stopped moving….i forgot every damn thing in this F*****g universe and the only people I knew existed was me and her. If this was a movie then this scene would have played in slow motion with some insanely romantic song playing on the background…that’s how beautiful the moment was. But it was all a fantasy, I wanted it to last forever but I knew that I had to be the man and stop the damn kiss.
I stopped the kiss and pushed her away. We looked at each other
Me:”what the hell Tshililo? After everything that’s happened you are just gonna waltz in here and think that everything is gonna go back to normal? We are divorced Tshililo, I moved on and you did the same…I don’t understand why you are doing all this. You left the country with your boyfriend so please leave me alone” she looked at me and just blinked
Tshili:”I know, we still have a lot to talk about…just cancel the surgery thing for now please” I looked at her and frowned
Tshili:”please” I walked back to the Doctor and cancelled the whole thing. I told them that I will still pay because I had wasted their time. When I was done I walked back to Tshililo and then we drove away in my car because she came with a cab. We drove to her flat. She tried to do small talks in the car but all I wanted to do with her was talk some real business so I got straight to the point assoon as we entered her flat

Me:” why are you really here?” we sat in her little lounge
Tshili:” I have already told you…I am back for our marriage. We both made our mistakes but one of us had to realise that and start fighting and I guess that’s me” I looked at her and shook my head
Me:” what about Ndivhuwo? Last time I check you guys were Romeo and Juliet”
Tshili:”well, to be honest with you after the accident you were all I could think about. i kept on thinking about everything that happened and I felt it in my heart that even after everything that’s happened I still love you Thembu and I want us to continue with our journey” she had now stood up and I was still sitting.
Me:”so you broke up with him and he just let you go? I mean that guy paid for your medications and all that”
Tshili:”Ndivhuwo loves me yes but he is not a foolish man. He never forced me to do anything from the start. He loves me enough to want me to be happy. He realized himself that I wasn’t happy while we were in France and one day he confronted me about it and I told him the truth, I wasn’t happy, I missed you and our son…I missed the life we once lived”
Me:”so he let you go? Just like that?”
Tshili:”well he was hurt but he couldn’t force me to be with him so he let me go after the treatment….so we talked and honestly me and him don’t want the same things in life…I want to stay here with you Thembu and have many more kids with you…the life with someone else is not what I want” I stood up and walked to the kitchen and then came back
Me:”you’ve been sleeping with him Tshililo, you’ve been sleeping with my worst enemy for more than three months…how do you think that makes me feel huh? You think I am gonna hug you and then we can forgive and forget? It doesn’t work like that”
I was angry
Tshili:”I know, I don’t expect this to be easy but we can fight Thembu, I will forget everything that’s happened, I will accept the baby and we can all move forward but you’ll also have to accept that I am no angel and as much as you’ve also hurt me I have also made some mistakes and hurt you and I know dating Ndivhuwo was the worst one”
Me:”I can’t deal with this right now…this is all too much to take in Tshililo….i love you, you know I do but I’ve come to terms with everything that’s happened, I have accepted that you were gone, that I have lost you and I have moved on with my life”
Tshili:”I know you were not expecting any of this but I love you and you know that. You love me too Thembu. We’ve been through hell and back together and it’s only fair that we finish this race together….always and forever is ours bbe. I know I cried a lot when I was with you but I also know that I laughed a lot. Think about all the memories we’ve shared…the good times we’ve had. I know you are a man and your pride is telling you to tell me to F*** off but you know we deserve another shot at this, another shot as an item. I am willing to put everything aside and to forget everything so that we can finally be together again. I’ve been thinking about it since the day I asked you if you think we’ve fought hard enough and I have always been a fighter and I am not going to fail my son and stop fighting….if this really doesn’t work then I wanna know that I gave it my best Thembu”
I looked at her and wanted to kiss her and make love to her the best way I knew how because the truth is I missed her. But I couldn’t, something in me couldn’t let me. I looked at her one more time and walked to the door. She ran after me and took my hand. She looked at me and I at her
Tshili:”this is me Thembu, the mother of your son….damn Thembuluwo I have suffered a lot for this relationship and I ain’t going to give up so easily again. I was angry and hurt and betrayed and I took that decision with all those emotions and now??? Now I am back to my senses and I want you back” she had tears in her eyes. I looked at her and she looked at me
Me:”F*** it”
I said that and carried her to my arms and started kissing her immediately. Damn this was still her. Tshililo wanga ma vhanna, damn I love this woman. I was busy kissing her and all when I started thinking about her doing the same with Ndivhuwo and it was a total turn off. I let go of her and put her down and walked to the door.
Tshili:”Thembuluwo?”
Me:”sorry I can’t” and just like that I walked out

Zwi a Penga
Insert 72

I then drove back to my house. I was still in complete shock, I couldn’t believe what just happened. I spent the remaining hours alone just thinking.  That night I hardly slept. I was wide awake the whole night thinking about everything we went through from the first day we met till today…it’s been such a journey. It was during this time that I realized that all the married couples had been through some serious s*** and marriage aint easy for them. It’s all about tolerating each other and forgiving each other. I thought about us…I don’t know if getting back together was a good idea. How do I forget that she’s been with him? I also didn’t want to hurt her again…she’s been through a lot because of me. There was also Ziyanda...she was too good to be tied up in all this. I couldn’t sleep so I drove to Tshililo’s place. I got there and knocked and then she opened for me.
Tshili:” do you know what time it is?”
Me:” yeah but I couldn’t sleep”
Tshili:”ow?” she walked inside and I did the same and closed the door and locked
Me:” I was thinking about our conversation this afternoon” we walked to the kitchen and she poured herself a glass of water and drank. I stood there with the table against my back
Tshili:”ok”
Me:” things are different now Tshililo, we had a good thing going on but we ruined it and now? I have someone and I am still having a baby with Bee and you’ve been sleeping with Ndivhuwo, it’s not easy” she put the glass on the table and then went to open the door and looked at me
Tshili:”owk let’s get this straight. I came back because I love you and you are right….we had a good thing going on and I want to have it again…some people don’t even get to experience the kind of love that we share…we are soul mates and I am here because I am certain that you feel the same but I am sorry to say this…I am not here to leak your ass so that afterwards you can walk around sleeping with every little thing that has a vagina and I should be expected to forgive because I love you. No, that’s not how it is. If you have truly moved on and you can’t have Ndivhuwo’s leftovers then its fine…I was prepared to have Bee’s, Sharon’s, Teressa’s and the other girl you are with now…you dated the other three while I was with you. So its chilled Thembu, I left Ndivhuwo because I didn’t want the poor guy to spend time and invest more on someone who was not into him the same way he was into me. So the same goes for you, if you are not into me anymore then its chilled….i will happily be single…but I am not prepared to play desperate so that you can make me your play thing again”
Me:”uhm that was quiet a speech so you are chasing me out?” really I didn’t expect her to talk to me like that
Tshili:”no I am not…it’s just that you’ve wronged me so much and I am standing here having given up a relationship of a life time because my stupid heart bits for you even though you are an ass…it’s funny how you’ll be standing here in front of me acting like a damn saint…..you are not even close to being a saint, I shouldn’t even be here, you were the one who was supposed to be doing this but you are so full of pride and I just knew that you weren’t gonna do this so I did it for us….one of us had to fight and I am doing that but if you want me to go down on my knees and breakdown and cry in front of you then I am sorry….i have done a lot of that because of you and right now I just want us to act like adults, like TJ’s parents and put our differences aside” ok was this really my Tshililo? What the hell happened to her?
Me:”but Tshili i-”
Tshili:”no it’s fine, take some more time to think, if you feel that we still have a chance then let’s try it out. We love each other a lot but I want you to be prepared to build a family for real…we can’t play games anymore” I didn’t know what to say. I walked to the door and stood there and looked at her, she looked back at me
Tshili:”God knows how much I miss waking up next to you every morning, I even miss jumping off a balcony with you….the risk, the fear, the danger and the love we shared is what made us who we are….it’s what I miss and it’s what I need back” I was still looking at her
Me:”do you know what I miss most?”
Tshili:”what?”
Me:”our last trip to Johannesburg…it was epic”
Tshili:”well, I miss the guns, the bullets, the waiting alone at night, the fear of losing each other, the drugs and every damn thing that surrounded your life”
Me:”I miss the driving around and singing along to our favourite songs….teaching you how to shoot, damn Tshili”
Tshili:” songs like ‘locked away’?....You mean those type of songs?”
Me:”I thought you’d forever stay, I guess I was taking advantage of your love”
Tshili:”I thought I’d stay too but…..i lost it and I was too hurt”
Me:”why do you want me back though? I can still hurt you Tshililo, I am still me…it’s in my blood…look at my dad and my brother Xolani”
Tshili:”I was supposed to be your pillar, I was supposed to help you deal with your problem Thembu, I should have loved you like I always did…maybe I should have encouraged you to see a shrink but the kitchen became too hot and I ran….i am sorry”
Me:” I think the kitchen was just out of control…even the strong hearted ones get tired sometimes”
Tshili:”I am here to help you go back to the man I fell in love with”
Me:” do you think it’s still possible?”
Tshili:”I made you Thembu…you made me…we made each other and in Tshivenda they say ‘unala tshau ndiu lata’(letting go of what’s yours is actually throwing it away)” so we can make it work…we can see the shrink together to make us deal with this…you can also deal with your anger and violence issues”
Thembu:”do you still want me to leave?” she looked at me and then on the floor and then back at me
Tshili:”I think you need to….i have thought long and hard about this but I think you also need some space to think”
Me:” I will see you around then”
Tshili:” sharp” I walked out of the door’

After that I drove to the beach to clear my head. It was empty and the only noise was that of the waves. It was in the early hours of the morning so people were obviously still sleeping. I thought about what Tshililo said…I was not sure if we still had a chance together and even if that was the case, what about Ziyanda. There was something I loved about Tshililo though…her bravery and not letting pride get in the way. I felt like I had failed her…I should have fought harder for her. After spending some time at the beach I drove to my house and slept.

The following morning Xolani woke me up. He told me that he ran away from an argument with Zoleka. Yep Zoli found out about him still seeing and talking to Onndwela and that he was planning to pay damages for her. So he said that she was totally out of it and he didn’t want to face her. He told me that he wanted to give her time to cool off because he didn’t want her to ask him to choose because if it comes down to that then he’ll choose the baby. I was still talking to him when Tshililo came to the house. Xolani was shocked to see me and Tshililo sharing a hug and then a brief kiss…someone then buzzed at the gate. We checked and it was Zoleka. Xolani told us that he didn’t want to see her so he ran to my bedroom to hide…he asked us not to tell her that he was there.


Zoleka got to the house and attacked Tshililo for allowing her sister to ruin her relationship with Xolani. Tshililo told her that she just came back in the country and that she knew nothing about what happened. Zoli then sat down and cried in Tshili’s arms. She talked about how much she loved my brother and how she was in pain. I tried to comfort her and told her that Xolani still loved her and that he was only excited about the baby because it was his first...i told her to give him some time. She told us that she don’t think she still had it in her to fight for their relationship…and that it wasn’t fair for him to mess up and for her to be expected to just sit down and relax and take it all in. After a while she said goodbye and left. Tshililo then ran to Xolani and gave him a piece of her mind. She was angry at him for the pain he was causing Zoli. She then walked down the stairs and I ran after her. She told me that there were still parts of her that were scared of trying us out…I think Zoli and Xolani’s issue steered some emotions from her.
Me:"i now know the pain i caused you Tshili and i am going to go back to being that boy you fell in love with 6 years ago at NMMU, i wanna be that boy who you shared your very first flight with....the boy who loved you entirely and vowed to never hurt you....i am gonna go back to that person. You are a strong woman and i won’t make you fall, weak and vulnerable ever again....i will love you Tshililo.....i promise you bbe this time around i won’t mess up" Someone buzzed at the gate. We let go of the hug and looked at each other
Me:"i mean all of it, uhm let me check who is at the gate" i checked the person at the gate and s*** Ziyanda was standing at the gate. Xolani walked down at that moment and told us that he was leaving. He looked happy to see me and Tshililo together. He even told me that if we were getting back together then he was happy. Tshililo walked him to the door and pressed the button for him to open the gate as they said goodbye…with the gate open I knew that Ziyanda was now walking in. Xolani left and after few seconds someone knocked. I left Tshililo in the kitchen drinking water and I went to open the door
Me:"hi" I opened the door slightly and stood there blocking the entrance for her
Ziyanda:"hi, i know you are shocked to see me because i didn’t tell you i was coming but i wanted to surprise you" she was smiling and she looked really happy
Me:"uhm Zee"
Ziyanda:"no just hear me out...i apologise for the way i reacted but that’s because i was in shock but i thought about it, it can’t be that bad....you love me and i love you too so yes Thembu....i wanna do this thing with you, i don’t give a hoot if you eat people for a living because i love you" I scratched my head and didn’t know what to say. Had she said all this before Tshililo showed up then I’d be celebrating with her
Me:"uhm wow"
Ziyanda:"and i've been doing a lot of thinking about…you know...making love....well i am in love and i feel that you trust me with everything because you love me and i want you to be my first, i want to be part of your life forever" she gave me a shy smile. I turned around and found Tshililo standing few steps away from me. She walked to me and opened the door wide. Damn it....every guy’s nightmare. Tshililo looked at me and then at Ziyanda. Ziyanda also looked at Tshililo and then at me.
Zee:"Thembu what the hell? Isn't she the-"
Tshili:"the wife, I am the wife and you are the what? Mistress? Sidechick? Co-wife? What are you?" Zee looked at me and blinked
Zee:"no this is not happening" her eyes were teary
Me:"uhm well" my mouth went dry
Tshili:"well?"
Ziyanda:"you are getting back together?" She wanted to cry
Me:"we are talking about it" damn I was confused
Tshili:"talking about it? Thembuluwo I am not playing games here...the only reason why I am this calm is because I know that I just showed up but make a choice now"
Ziyanda:"i thought you were different, i expected more from you not this....i am done" she walked away and i involuntary ran after her
Tshili:"Thembuluwo!" I turned around and looked at her, she wanted to cry
Me:"you run after that girl right now and we are done....it’s either me or her ....you can’t have both" I looked at Tshililo and then at Ziyanda who was walking to the gate. I turned around and walked back to the house. Ziyanda was a good girl and i liked her but Tshililo was my wife and i loved her like hell so my hands were tied. But my heart hurt for Ziyanda though, she didn’t deserve this at all.
Tshili:"she's cute" she looked away and wiped her tears
Me:"but you know you are the cutest right? I love you and only you"
Tshili:"on second thought....go talk to her, if we are starting afresh then you have to set the record straight with her" she was wiping away tears
Me:"no Tshili right now let’s do this" i hugged her in my arms...her head rested beautifully on my chest
Tshili:"thank you"
Me:"no, thank you, for giving me a second chance" I knew I had to talk to Ziyanda but I didn’t want to do it now, i needed to be with my wife for now and then i'll drive by her place later. Ok i let go of the hug and we started kissing....damn i missed this woman. I carried her to the couch and we got busy
Tshili:"Thembu condom?" Damn it...what’s that for, i don’t think i had one with me
Me:"I don’t have one plus i don’t think we need one"
Tshili:"we've been apart for months...a lot could have happened in that time frame so...." I sat on the couch and looked at her
Tshili:"i am sorry but we have to get tested"
Me:"can we go get tested right now already?" I was disappointed and I wanted to get this thing over and done with…I wanted her so bad but she was right, we had to get tested. I stood up and looked at her
Tshili:"are you serious?"
Me:"i wanna make love to you Tshililo so let’s get the F*****g tests done already and then buy some condoms on our way back"
We then drove to see the Doctor were our blood samples were taken and we were told that our results will be back in few weeks and that we will be contacted when they are back.
After the Doctor’s appointment I took her to her flat where she was going to pack up her clothes. I left her in her flat and drove to Ziyanda’s place. I needed to talk to that girl. I called her when I was close to her house and she didn’t want to see me and I threatened to come to the house if she don’t come to my car which was packed few houses from hers. She then walked to my car and got in.

Zee:"the only reason why i am here with you right now is because my mom is home and i don’t want her to feel disrespected with you walking inside the house…so what do you want?"
Me:" I want to apologise for what happened"
Zee:"what are you apologising for exactly? I mean you gave me hope Thembu, you told me your secrets and i felt like i meant something to you"
Me:"you do...you did....well i don’t know anymore but Tshililo is back and i want to work things out with her"
Zee:"and me? Where does that leave me?"
Me:"i am sorry Zee i really am....you are a good girl and you deserve much better, i am damaged goods and Tshililo and i deserve each other....this life is for us"
Zee:"what if i say no"
Me:"come again?"
Zee:"what if i love you so much and i don’t want to let you go....i know you've known her for a long time and she's been by your side during that life but her time is over babe...now it’s my time and i am going to fight" hevhanna!
Me:"what? No no no Zee you can’t do that, you just don’t understand this. I am so sorry but i love her....i don’t think i will love anyone like that ever again" she looked at me with tears in her eyes
Zee:"I’ve never loved anyone the way i love you Thembu, please i will do anything to make you see that....we can make love right here in this car....right now....just tell me that you are choosing me" what? She looked desperate and i cared about her and didn’t want to take advantage
Me:"you deserve better, for me it will always come down to Tshililo....i am sorry Zee but you have to move on with your life"
Zee:"what if i can’t....what if i don’t want to....what if i want you and only you" she was looking at me with tears in her eyes. She bent over to me and kissed me…I didn’t kiss her back
Zee:"we can go to the back seat right now and make love Thembu and i will be all yours....you'll be the only man for me, the only one who knows me sexually....i love you" Ok the offer was tempting but one thing that women fail to understand is that men are different from women. If we love someone then we really love them and the rest of the girls we hook with will be nothing but just something to play with. If I was heartless I would have slept with Ziyanda and walked away but I cared enough about her so i refused sex
Me:"i am sorry but i cant" she looked at me in disbelief
Me:"you are a good girl and you deserve only the best" she gave me a fake laugh and got out of the car ran back home.

I then drove to Bonita's house too. I had to iron things out with her too. I got there and informed her that Tshililo was back and that me and her will never ever be intimate. She didn’t object, she just said that as long as I am happy then she was happy too.

Zwi a Penga
Insert 73

The following day Tshililo had already moved back to the house. We decided to spend the whole day together catching up. That evening after dinner we decided to go to KFC for some ice creams…it was crazy I know but we were madly in love and I guess we wanted a reason to hang around together in public because we spent the whole day indoors. So Tshililo was driving when we went to KFC. We got there and parked the car and walked inside hands in hands with only the car keys and the wallet. We were walking in when we heard a blasting sound behind us. We turned around and found our car on fire. What the hell? Tshililo screamed in fear and I just stood there not knowing what to do or say…my f*****g Aston Martin was burning down. I couldn’t believe it
Me:"no no no not my car" I said with my hands on my head
Tshili:"Thembuluwo....Thembu....wh-" she was breathing hard and unable to talk
Me:"this can’t be, no this gotta be one of those bad dreams" Tshililo ran inside KFC where everyone was now up on their feet looking at the car with shock on their faces and screams
Tshili:"guys please do something" she was screaming at anyone.
I went down on my knees, put both my hands on the floor and looked down and felt powerless. I looked up at my burning car and wanted to cry so hard. Everyone suspected that we were the owners and they gave us those ‘sorry’ looks. I don’t know who called the fire department because Tshili and I were busy stressing when they arrived. They immediately started to put the fire down but it was already too late. It was just fortunate that we didn’t park close to anyone’s car. We were now standing together with our hands around each other when we started hearing gunshots. We then quickly looked at each other. It was no coincidence that my car was burning down and now there were gun shots…somebody wanted us dead. I looked at Tshililo who looked back at me.
Me:"run!!" I took her hand and we ran inside the restaurant and went past the workers and all the way to the office that looked like the manager’s office. We closed the door and locked…we looked at each other while breathing hard
Me:"damn it, who could it be? Ndivhuwo?" I was trying to think
Tshili:"no Ndivhuwo will never do something like this, it’s not him"
Me:"then who?"
Tshili:"it’s your girlfriend" we looked at each other and I shook my head
Me:"nooo Ziyanda is not capable of this, she knows nothing about this life"
Tshili:"really? We said the same thing about Ndivhuwo right? And we all know how that turned out"
Me:" No Tshililo it’s got to be someone else, someone who wants both of us dead" and then someone was trying to open the door
Tshili:"ow my God....they are here…this is it, this is the end of us" she was really scared
Me:" there is no such bbe, we are going to figure this out, we always do"
Tshili:" what do we do? Do we open the door and ask for forgiveness? What do we do?"
Me:"no absolutely not, that will be a suicide mission....we don’t do any of that because I am sure whoever it is wont even give us time to talk to them” she looked at me with tears in her eyes
Tshili:" if we die here today just now that I will die a happy person because you will be by my side…I love you more than anything Thembu" i looked at her and hugged her
Me:" same here babe…dying here with you will give me pleasure even though I will be dead....i love you and if we happen to die here tonight, I want us to die as a husband and a wife so Tshililo Munyai will you please marry me again?" I said with my one knee on the floor. She laughed looking away and then looked back at me…she still had tears in her eyes
Tshili:"there is nowhere else I’d rather be"
Me:"so it’s a yes?"
Tshili:"a big fat YES" I got up and kissed her
Me:"sorry I don’t have a ring"
Tshili:"i know, what matters is what’s in our heart"
Me:" true that" we kissed briefly after the hug, we then looked at each other and smiled. Well, for few minutes there we forgot about the situation we were in.

The people outside were still struggling to open the door
Me:"i know we said all the s*** about dying together and stuff but bloody hell! I am taking it all back, we will save that speech for another day, not for today....we are not dying here tonight" she gave me a confused look
Tshili:"what do we do?"
Me:" we come up with a plan....i want to live this life again with you as my wife, just like we used to so it can't end here at least not tonight....not like this" I cupped her face and kissed her
Me:"i love you so much and i will get us out of here" I said and started searching the drawers…I was hoping to maybe find a gun but there was nothing
Tshili:" the window" there was a small window that was quiet far up. Since I didn’t find the gun to try and shoot the fuckers down then maybe the window was our only hope
Me:" see? You are a brainer...i love you for that…now I need to figure out how to get us out through that window”
Tshili:" try to be quick" I pulled the table to the wall where the window was. I then took a chair and put it on top of the table and then helped Tshililo out the window. The door was about to open so I quickly climbed the table and the chair and also made my way out and jumped outside. Believe me it was not an easy or safe jump but our lives depended on it so we had to do it.

I could feel the pain in my chest from falling. We were getting up and dusting ourselves up when somebody shoot the wall behind us…f*** it they were watching us. We then decided to run. We decided that we should go to the Police station because it was just two blocks away from us across the road. We ran while holding each other’s hand. It was after we had turned close to the main road when someone pulled me to a bushy flowers at the corner…I pulled Tshililo too. We laid low for a while and heard the guys running past us. After a while the guy who pulled me let go and stood up. Damn I felt nauseas and almost vomited when I found out that it was Ndivhuwo.
Me:"noooo....no no no no what the hell? Showing your ugly face like that huh? I mean whose child are you? Like where the hell do you come from?” I was seriously disappointed to the last degree. He was the last person I expected to see
Ndiv:" as for who my parents are, I will try get their death certificates for you so that you can get to know them because I don’t remember their names…as for why I am here…last time I check my ugly face was still legal in South Africa so take a chill pill” I was now totally pissed. This was the guy who had the power to take my wife and I hated him for it.
Me:"chill pill? You are telling me to take a damn chill pill? This is not some game ok? Quiet playing games with me"
Tshili"Ndivhuwo what the hell? Why are you back in the country?"
Me:"no Tshililo you are not talking to him understand?"
Tshili:"uhm ok" she looked at me and then back at Ndivhuwo and then on the floor
Ndiv:"ok let me get you out of your misery....i know who wants you dead" he had his serious face on
Tshili:"what do you mean?"
Me:"owk Ndibvonyo....i don’t care what you know or what you don’t know but I am not going to listen to your crap....just because you played hero for 5 seconds you think that things are going to change?"
Ndiv:"dude I hate your guts too but do you see me running around like a little spoilt child crying about how much i hate your guts? No of course not... that’s because i know when to put my personal feelings aside when i have to deal with serious issues... do you think that I am enjoying standing here with you and her? ahg stop playing man. What’s important is that both your lives are in danger and I know who is behind all this and how dangerous that person is...so walk out of here and die within 15 minutes or swallow your pride and come with me" ok now i was confused....working with this guy seemed impossible but if what he was saying was true then I didn’t want to gamble with my life.
Me:"what’s in it to you? And why should i trust you?" I mean Tshililo broke this guy's heart so I couldn’t trust him, he could be the one behind this whole thing for all i know
Ndiv:"her" he was looking at Tshililo
Tshili:" what?"
Me:"now you are delusional"
Ndiv:"i don’t mean it like that. Unlike some people i don’t break my promises and mine was to keep her safe and that’s what i intend to do" Tshililo looked at him and shook her head
Tshili:"ok we are not doing this, let’s go babe please"
Ndiv:"if you wanna die then go ahead....Thembuluwo i know you are a wise man...don’t let your stupid pride gets you killed. Look at me, i am a man right? But for me to save her i had to take off my pride and protect the woman who broke my heart and go back to her sorry cheating ex-husband....do you see me throwing tantrums? No because there is no time for that....so you have 30 seconds to decide" I looked at him and then at Tshililo....one thing for sure, Ndivhuwo was good on things like this but what will it mean for me to let him help us? That i needed him to protect myself and my wife? I didn’t want it to be like that, i didn’t want to seem desperate for his help and i definitely didn’t want him reminding me every damn five seconds that i would have died if he didn’t come to the rescue.
Tshili:"Thembu please let’s go…I am sure we can make it to the police station" Ndivhuwo looked at us and laughed out loud
Ndiv:" I don’t even know why I am laughing because you’ll all be dead in few minutes"
Me:" how do we now that you are not behind all this" he looked at me and smiled
Ndiv:"hevhanna vhashu dude you gotta give me some credit, if I want to kill someone I don’t cause unnecessary damage. I was just gonna come to your house and kill you both, why wait for you to go to in public? This is all not like me....your 30 second is over so what do we do?" Tshili and I looked at each other
Tshili:"thanks for trying to help Ndivhuwo but we will be fine" she took my hand to walk away but I didn’t move
Tshili:"babe?"
Me:"i know what you are thinking....yes i want nothing to do with him but he is right, i have no idea what or who we are dealing with so..."
Tshili:"so?" she looked at me with her eyes wide open
Me:" we have a son babe and i can’t let us die because of my stupid pride....we need to survive this for him" I looked at Tshili and then at Ndivhuwo
Ndiv:"good go my man...so....what do we do now?"

Me:" I thought you had a plan”
Ndiv:"for now let’s try to get out of here unkilled"
Me:"unkilled? Really? Is that even a word?" Ndivhuwo gave me and Tshililo a gun each. We then tried to get out of there and all the way to his car. We made our way to Ndivhuwo’s car with bullets flying in the air and Ndivhu and I happen to be shot. We were both shot on one leg each but it was nothing to send us to our graves. We then drove to Xolani’s house. Ndivhuwo was driving with his injured leg. Xolani was shocked to see us arriving with Ndivhuwo but we told him that we will explain later. We got to his house and he took out a first aid kit to remove our bullets…Ndivhuwo said he will help himself out. We told Xolani and Zoleka what happened. Xolani then received an sms from his phone. He read the message and handed the phone over to all of us to read.
"Hi Xolani Give this to your brother....Thembu I am sorry that you have to go through this but i was heartbroken and stupidly opened up to my brother....he is behind all this and wants you dead....can’t blame him because at some point i wanted you both dead too, well i think i still do, you've hurt me so much....Zee"
I was shocked. I never thought that Ziyanda had any link to this life. Ndivhuwo told us that he knew the guy who was behind us and that his name was G2. He said he had unfinished business with him and that we shouldn’t worry as he was going to deal with him. He didn’t want us to get involved…he said he will finish G2 for us. With all the revelation about G2 I figured that I should talk to Ziyanda to try and smoothen things up...i wanted to beg her to talk to her brother but Ndivhuwo advised me against the idea saying that doing that will make me seem weak. Either way I decided to meet the girl to see if e can’t get any info from her. I called and asked her to drop by Xolani’s house. It was late at night but she agreed to come. She called when she was at the gate and I went to her. I couldn’t drive to her house because it could have been dangerous to do so. So she got a cab and came to me instead

Me:"hi"
Zee:"hi" we were at the gate
Me:"thanks for coming"
Zee:"you have 5 minutes"
Me:"i got your text" I couldn’t believe that she was the one who sent it
Zee:"good then, i hope you are already packing your stuff and looking into relocating"
Me:"why would i do that?"
Zee:"because Thembu, my brother doesn’t play and i am not going to stop him....you deserve it all" I couldn’t believe this
Me:"i know i have hurt you but you didn’t have to retaliate like this, it’s not necessary"
Zee:"my advice to you is that you should run while you still can"
Me:"but how? Like you never said anything about a brother or this life for that matter"
Zee:"i think for the same reason you took time to tell me about you"
Me:"but we had a good thing going on you know that, it doesn’t have to be like this"
Zee:"no....it does....boys like you need to be taught a lesson, you don’t make a girl fall in love with you and then drop her like a rotten potato...it doesn’t work like that so my brother will destroy you Thembu....yeah i know you don’t understand why we stay where we stay but it’s for our safety....my mom don’t approve of this life but i do and i talked to him when you told me your story and he told me to go for it but when i told him that you dropped me???? Well he got pissed"
Me:"so his name is G2" she smiled
Zee:"that’s what they call him" s*** as always Ndivhuwo was right
Me:"so, your brother is all up on his toes with his boys and his machines painting the town red just because i broke your heart? Really? I mean what kind of a thug does that? I take it that he has nothing to do then? And from what i see...he's been failing to kill me so you know what? .....tell him that it’s game on" she just looked at me and blinked. Ndivhuwo was right, begging this girl was going to make me look weak so I had to man up
Zee:"so that’s it?"
Me:"what else do you want me to say? You just told me that your brother is coming on to me and i am happy to take him on so year tell him that we aint running and we are ready for him"
Zee:"do you still love me though?" she looked like she wanted to cry
Me:"it doesn’t matter now does it? You are about to get me killed and i am about to fight for my life....it’s pathetic really, How many guys are you going to kill? Every damn boy who promise you something and fail?"
Zee:" i am sorry i was just...." she wiped off her tears
Me:"its fine really...just tell your brother that it’s game on"
Zee:"i still love you though" he vhathu! I laughed out loud
Me:"are you serious? Girl you are trying to get me killed and you are telling me about love? Well every little thing i ever felt for you died few minutes ago when you confirmed that you are behind everything that happened tonight" she looked at me and opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something but she closed it again and said nothing. She walked away and ran to the car that was waiting for her

Zwi a Penga
Inset 74

I walked back to the house and informed Ndivhuwo that it was game on and that G2 was seriously coming. We were still talking when someone buzzed at the gate and it was Bonita. We let her in. she heard about what happened to my car and she was worried. I honestly had no idea how she knew about it but hey she happen to know. She was also shocked to see Ndivhuwo with us but we told her that he saved me. She actually came to find out how I was doing and said that she was just worried about me. Tshililo didn’t like that so they actually started fighting and we had to stop them. I decided to leave with my wife because I couldn’t deal with her fighting Bonita. My leg was feeling much better because the bullet had been removed. Tshililo and I said goodbye and drove away in Xolani’s car because ours had just burnt down. We were crossing the traffic lights when I saw a truck driving into us and then hitting our car and then darkness.

TSHILILO

I woke up in a hospital bed. I immediately remembered what happened and started asking the Doctor about my husband who was with me in the car. He just looked at me and shook his head. Yeses I knew what it meant…my Thembuluwo was gone. I screamed feeling like I was going insane. Everything else didn’t matter...it was as if someone was ripping everything that made me apart...the pain I was in was unbearable. He didn’t say it out loud, he didn’t have to....the look on his face said it all. I cried in agony....i didn’t want it to be true. .i prayed....like seriously prayed. My prayer was for everything to be a dream. I couldn’t bear the pain or to live in a world where he doesn’t exist....noooo i couldn’t. The Doctor looked at me with a sympathetic look and tried to comfort me but I couldn’t listen to him. The only thing on my mind was the fact that I lost the love of my life. The Doctor kept on telling me to focus on myself.

XOLANI’S HOUSE

Ndivhuwo made final arrangements about going for G2, he was getting his guys ready and all that...he was excited about it because he hadn't had an assignment like this in a while so he was looking forward to some blood here and there and to torture some people. Xolani’s phone rang and it was Tshililo. She told him that they were involved in a car accident. Xolani and Ndivhuwo ran out of the house immediately and went to the hospital.

TSHILILO

After some time Xolani and Ndivhuwo walked into my hospital room. I told them how everything happened while I cry. I also told them about losing Thembu too. Xolani was hurt and couldn’t help but cry…Ndivhuwo kept on saying that he was sorry…Xolani later said that he was going to work with Ndivhuwo to bring down G2 because he was our first suspect on the accident…I think he was tryna keep strong for me. I couldn’t keep strong…I was crying the whole time and I even blamed Ndivhuwo for all this mess. If he didn’t come to our lives then everything would still be ok and Thembu would still be here. Xolani comforted me and told me not to say things that I will later regret. I told Ndivhuwo to leave because I didn’t want to see him and he did. The Doctor that told me about Thembu’s death entered the room and asked to speak to me in private. I told him that he can say anything in front of Xolani because he was a close family.

Doc:"it’s about your husband....are you sure you want him here?" I nodded
Doc:"please whatever i say here, you don’t shout …scream....or cry....you just stay as you are ok?" Xolani and I just looked at each other and then at the Doctor. He walked to the door and looked outside and then closed it and walked back to us. Ok now I was scared
Doc:"remember what i said...don’t scream.....uhm your husband is still alive" ahg shame I forgot about him telling me not to scream…Xolani immediately covered my mouth
X:"Doc what do you mean?"
Doc:"exactly what i said....i told everyone else that he was dead" Xolani signalled for me to keep quiet and removed his hand from my mouth
Me:"uhm why did you do that?" I was confused
Doc:"well right after you were admitted....a car followed the emergency vehicle here and there was something dodgy about it so i followed the guys without them noticing and they said something about finishing up a guy who was involved in a car accident....i immediately ran to the ICU and found him and you on the other side. I decided to say that he was dead rather than have him killed....i am a Doctor and i save lives for a living so letting that man die was going to eat me up for a very long time"
X:"what? Wow....i don’t know what to say"
Me:"thank you....thank you so so much" I felt totally relieved
X:"yes thank you so much"
Doc:"i have no idea what’s happening in his life but i do know that some people are trying to kill him"
X:"well we do know who those people are and we will deal with them....where is he now?"
Bongani:"somewhere safe" a Doctor who was standing at the door said. .
Me:"Bongani?" Yeah it was him, he walked towards us
Bongi:"well i helped him out with Thembu....there is no need to worry....he is safe and sound"
Me:"you have no idea how much this means to me"
X:"uhm thanks bro"
Bongi:"only doing my job....when i found out that the person he was trying to save was Thembu then i didn’t hesitate"
Me:"so how is he?"
Doc:"still unconscious but he will be fine" Xolani and I looked at each other and smiled
Me:"please guys tell me that i am not dreaming"
Bongi:"seems like you are not"

Xolani and I couldn’t get enough of thanking Bongani and the other Doctor for saving my husband. I asked to see him but they told me to wait for a while because no one was allowed to see him without their presence and I was not yet discharged. Ndivhuwo walked in because he heard us laughing from outside. Xolani asked the Doctors to give me and Ndivhuwo some privacy. He told Ndivhuwo not to abuse the privilege of having some private moment with me. I don’t know if it was just me but Ndivhuwo was slowly becoming friends with the Mudaus. Xolani walked out and left me alone with Ndivhuwo.

Ndiv:”you are smiling” his hands were folded on his chest
Me:”well….sorry Ndivhuwo…I wasn’t supposed to blame you, it was not your fault or mine it’s just that I was heartbroken”
Ndiv:”so what changed?”
Me:” he is not dead….the two Doctors who were here saved him after they overhead some guys talking about finishing him off. So they decided to declare him dead in order to save him” he breathed a sigh of relief and smiled
Ndiv:”wow…wow never thought I’d see the day where I’ll celebrate Thembu being alive but right now I am….it’s shocking” I smiled too
Me:”thanks for everything you’ve done for us, you are not supposed to care but you do care about our survival so thanks”
Ndiv:”well I hate to admit this but I have nothing else to live for….i was not lying when I told you that you are now everything to me…..you meant everything and now that you are gone? Well there is nothing and that’s why I am still following you around like a lost puppy, not that I am hoping that you’d come back but I need some people in my life and if it means making you and your husband my friends then…be it”
Me:” but you have a daughter Ndivhu”
Ndiv:” I am not best buddys with my baby momma…in fact she hate my guts so I give her her space and just go there for my child every once in a while…I don’t want to make her angry because my child’s safety depends on her and her happiness is my daughters happiness”
Me:”I see”
Ndiv:” don’t worry about me Tshili, I won’t ruin things for you…..i just want to have a life that’s all….like I used to when Roli was still around”
Me:”I see”
Ndiv:”I am glad that you are ok so now if you don’t mind….i have people to kill and a revenge to pay” he said that and smiled
Me:”revenge?”
Ndiv:”hahaha you ain’t dumb Tshili, we all know that the accident wasn’t actually an accident…someone caused it and his name start with a G and I am going to kill him”
Me:”can you do us a favour?”
Ndiv:”yeah?”
Me:”save him for us….kill erybody else…but keep G2 somewhere safe for me and Thembu, we need to make him suffer…I am not really cruel but I will go all out for him”
Ndiv:”be careful not to become Bonita….the woman you now hate” he said that and walked out

Ndivhuwo was outside with Xolani and Bongani preparing to go to the other the hospital to check on Thembu when a black car appeared and then Bee, Jay and sticks got out of the car. Xolani had called and informed him about the accident. They didn’t like the fact that Xalani was with Ndivhuwo….they asked him why he was hanging around with him because he was their enemy…Xolani said Thembu was the best person to explain. Bee was pissed and gave Xolani a grief about him and Thembu were doing as they please and she reminded them that their lives didn’t belong to themselves but to Svig. Bongani disappeared while all of that was happening…Ndivhuwo just got pissed and Xolani begged him not to cause any trouble. Ndivhuwo decided to leave them alone but then Jay grabbed him by his t shirt...Ndivhuwo then gave him a little reminder of what happened the last time and that he don’t mind showing their little crew more flames…Jay couldn’t hear of it. Ndivhuwo removed Jay’s hand and walked inside the building. Jay then grabbed Xolani by his neck and told him not to ever ever hang out with the enemy. They then waited for Bongani who came back and then they drove to the hospital to check on Thembu

TSHILILO

Five days later

I was still in hospital but I was feeling much better. I still hadn’t seen Thembuluwo because I was not discharged but Xolani was updating me about his progress…he was better too. Sihle and Rotenda also came to check up on me…I felt better having my friends around
I finally got discharged and the first thing I wanted to do was see my husband. Xolani came to pick me up and took me to see Thembuluwo…I was excited, I even had butterflies on my stomach. We got there and I hugged him. He looked better but he was still not well. I kissed him and sat on the chair with my hands on his. This was love people. He apologized for not seeing the truck coming onto us. I told him that it wasn’t his fault and that he didn’t have to apologise. I then told him about G2...he told me that Xolani had already updated him on that issue. He also told me that he heard that Ndivhuwo is planning an attack on G2 and his guys. He also said that he wanted us out of this life and that he was making a plan to get out. I don’t know what kind of plan he was talking about but he told me to trust him

THEMBULUWO

I was still chilling with my wife when Sivuyile barged in with my dear sister. Svig didn’t look happy at all. My sister immediately greeted me with a smile and I greeted back along with Tshililo. Rendani was shocked to see Tshiilo and asked why she was here…we told her we were back together and she kinda lost it and tried to be on our case about it but I told her to keep her opinions to herself because Tshili and I were in love.
Svig started attacking me for seeking help from Ndivhuwo. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain that I didn’t ask for help but Ndivhuwo offered. He told me that I should have called one of our guys to help me and not Ndivhuwo. He went on and on about how he intended on taking G2 down along with Ndivhuwo because Ndivhuwo was obviously disrespecting him on purpose. He also said something that really shocked me. He said that he was coming to Ndivhuwo and his boss was going to back him up….what the hell? Svig had a boss? Someone bigger and better than him? I tried to ask him more but he told me that s*** was about to get real. Svig and Rendani left and I was now left alone with my wife.

Me:” you’re gonna have to go home”
Tshili:” what? Why will I do that?”
Me:” it’s about to get down Tshililo, it’s clear that things are going to be crazy so I don’t want you to be here to witness all the craziness please”
Tshili:” do you expect me to leave you like this? How do you expect that of me? If I am leaving then we are leaving together…it’s not like you will be of any help…you are still not well”
Me:”I might do that but I have a big decision to make” I said shaking my head Tshili:”decision?”
Me:”with this war coming, we have to choose a winning side babe and from how I see it, Ndivhuwo is the winning side”
Tshili:” what? Thembuluwo you can’t do that….your loyalty lies with Svig or else he will kill you, you can’t switch sides”
Me:” I know that love, I know what I am in for and I also know that there is no getting out but if I choose Ndivhuwo’s side then I am gonna have to trust him and hope that he will bring them down….and destroy them because if that’s not the case then Svig will kill me and everyone I love” she looked at me with fear in her eyes
Tshili:”Thembuluwo don’t, this will get you killed…what if Ndivhuwo loses?”
Me:”that’s why I have to talk to him…I want to know how much he trusts himself to win this”
Tshili:”no Thembu, don’t do it please, just stick to your team…it’s not like you gonna be out there with guns”
Me:”this can be my way out….if I stick with Ndiv and he wins then I am a free man…Ndivhuwo is a different kind of gangster…he don’t do streets and all that s*** so I won’t be working for him” she looked at me and shook her head
Tshili:”I can’t trust Ndivhuwo this much, this is huge…like this is big Thembu, Svig will slaughter you”
Me:”well I am willing to take the risk, I want my freedom back and this is a life time opportunity, I can’t be tied down to this life forever…I am only 25 Tshili…you and I both deserves better…a normal life….our kids deserve that too”
Tshili:”I know love, I want that too…but this is too risky, way too risky”
Me:” let me talk to Ndivhuwo first...but I really don’t want to live my life under Svig, I want out and if this is the way to go about it them I am game” she just looked at me and said nothing. After a while she came on to me and hugged me. I stayed with my wife for a while and then she left after some time.

I pulled some strings and got hold of a phone and then called Xolani to get hold of Ndivhuwo for me and ask him to come see me in hospital. I was not expecting him when he arrived. For the first time in my life I was happy to see him. We greeted each other and then he sat on the chair and looked at me
Ndiv:”well you and I both know that we are not friends so let’s just cut straight to the chase, why am I here? I mean you didn’t call me here because you miss me right?” I looked at him and shook my head
Me:”yeah you are right about that...there is a reason why I called you here”
Ndiv:”it better be worth it because I didn’t wanna come and Xolani had to beg me to be here”
Me:”I hear there is going to be a fight….more like war”
Ndiv:”ow? I think you heard wrong, I am just coming in to teach some people a lesson again”
Me:”well there is new info that you might not be aware of, Svig is not happy with you meddling in our affairs, I am talking about you wanting to deal with G2 yourself, Svig feels that you are disrespecting his crew so he want to take you out” he laughed
Ndiv:”well, let him try, he already did once and the results were him bowing down to me”
Me:”that’s the thing, he is not coming to you alone….he said he has a boss and they are both coming for you, they wanna wipe you out”
Ndiv:”remind me again why you are doing this? I mean why are you warning me?”
Me:”well, if this war is going to happen then I want to choose a winning side”
Ndiv:”elaborate” he focused all his attention on me
Me:”I love my wife and my son too….i don’t want to leave them too soon, not if I can do something about it so I want out….i want out of this life and you know that it’s not possible but this war could be my escape…I want to choose your side, be on your side and I trust you to win this Ndivhuwo because if you don’t then it will be the end of me and my family…the end of Tshililo so tell me now if I can trust you or not….can you win this or what? Can you go against Svig and his boss?” he laughed shaking his head
Ndiv:”you just get dumber everyday don’t you?” he got up and stood from a distance with his one hand on his chin
Ndiv:”no just think about it bro….we are not friends so what makes you think that I won’t rat you out huh? I mean really you were once on my hit list, you are only alive by the Grace of God so where do you get the nerve to tell me all this?”
Me:”it’s a risk I am willing to take, if you choose to go and rat me out then that’s fine, I will be a dead man but if you don’t….and you accept my offer then I can be on your side and if you happen to win then I am a free man”
Ndiv:”ok Mr Mudau, what’s in it for me? I mean why do I have to do it? Your life obviously means nothing to me so gimme one good reason why I should consider what you said? What do I gain?” he was serious
Me:”well I don’t know Ndivhuwo, name your price and we will take it from there” he looked at me and laughed…I dint laugh, this wasn’t funny
Ndiv:”you didn’t just ask me that”
Me:”I just did”
Ndiv:”well you and I both know what I need from you” he gave me a smile and I still didn’t smile back, I mean I knew what he was talking about
Me:”that’s out of the question”
Ndiv:”well we are done then” he said that and walked to the door
Me:”so you are saying that there is nothing else you want from me? Nothing at all?”he turned around and looked on the roof as if he was thinking
Ndiv:”well lemme think……I think I am covered….i have millions in my bank, reaching close to a billion….i have people running around working for me…I am educated….i have two identities…..well you are not a woman and you obviously don’t have an available sister anymore so there is nothing you can give me…..nothing that is worth the freedom that I will be giving you….so nope” he turned around from me again
Me:”I can give you a family” I was desperate
Ndiv:”what?”
Me:”you are alone, you have no one…..your daughter is in another continent and you are here all alone, you are lonely…no matter how powerful and rich you are Ndivhuwo you can’t live a life alone like an island…you do need family and friends…Xolani and I and our whole family can give you that….a place to belong, people to care about and who care about you in return, we can be your friends, good friends….i have seen how you are, we can make a great team together, not a gang team but we can try and be friends….just think about it…..i can give you what your millions can’t buy for you” he gave me a faint smile
Ndiv:”maybe I need to remind you this and in doing so…I might find myself killing you” he walked to me and grabbed my neck with his one hand…he was pissed and his eyes were teary
Ndiv:”you killed the only family I had, the only friend I had and the only reason why you are still breathing the same air as me is because I love your wife and I don’t wanna hurt her…if it wasn’t for her you’ll be long dead bruh. No matter how happy or fucked up you are don’t ever mention…don’t ever ever mention a family or friends when you are talking to me because I will forget the love I have for your wife and kill you” he said that and a tear fell out of his eye. He let go of me
Me”I know I am in a hospital bed but you don’t get to tell me about your love for my wife ok? If you continue doing that then I’ll die trying to kill you”
Ndiv:”exactly how I feel when you mention a family because you took that away from me and every damn thing in me is telling me to kill you like I should have done a long time ago” he said that and walked to the door and then turned around and looked at me
Ndiv:”ow one more thing…..tell your boss that I need him to call his boss and his boss’s boss and his boss’s boss’s boss….what I am trying to say is that let him call all his bosses…I will show them how this game is played….tell them to bring it on, I will be ready and this time around I won’t spare anyone’s life, I will make sure that your whole crew is dead….that include you,….don’t worry I won’t have to kill you myself so I will tell your wife that some of my guys didn’t know that you were off limits” he said that and walked out of the door

Zwi a Penga
Insert 75

After Ndivhuwo had left I knew that I had messed up. I called Xolani and asked him to come see me immediately. He came to the hospital immediately and I told him about my meeting with Ndivhuwo. Yohh as much as he wasn’t happy with Svig wanting another fight with Ndivhuwo he was also not happy about me approaching Ndivhuwo with a proposal that he felt was stupid. He said what I did was a suicide mission and that I should just forget about it…switching sides was obviously not a great idea. I explained to him why I wanted to go to Ndivhu’s team. Ndivhuwo was resourceful and at least if me and Xolani were on different teams then one of us was going to survive and take care of the family…that was the only thing that he agreed with me on.

I then told Xolani to call Bee for me. Bonita came and I asked her to leave the country in order to ensure her safety and the child’s but she refused and told me that she’ll be fine. There was no winning with Bonita so I decided not to argue anymore.

It was after a week when I received an unexpected visit from Ndivhuwo. I was shocked to see him…after I tried to make a deal with him I never heard from him again
Me:”uhm” I said sitting up on the hospital bed
Ndiv:”you have a deal” he had a serious face on
Me:”what?”
Ndiv:” you heard me,  we can do this thing and yahh….i am obviously going to win it, I am putting my best everything on this and believe me when I say that what you saw last time was nothing but this time around…..its gonn be a bomb”
Me:”what made you change your mind?”
Ndiv:”it doesn’t matter now does it? Another thing is that I won’t disclose any of my dealings to you or my plans because a man who can betray his team is dangerous, you can’t be trusted at all…I am only doing this because I have my own reasons so yahh, consider your life spared”
Me:”looking forward to doing this with you”
Ndiv;”I think I’ll be doing all the work here, you are still in hospital so this is about me saving your ass”
Me:”sure thing” I smiled…I don’t know what all this meant. Do we start being friends now or after the fight? I mean that’s the offer I made to him
Ndiv:”I am not doing this for you”
Me:”what?”
Ndiv:”you are a family and families look out for each other” he said that and threw a photo at me
Me:”who the hell is this?” it was a photo of a man and a woman…the man on a photo looked more like Ndivhuwo
Ndiv:” those are my parents, after all this, show your dad this pic and ask if he recognise any of the two….i am sure he still remember them” he walked to the door
Me:”Ndivhuwo wait” he turned around and looked at me
Me:” we’re related?”
Ndiv:” ask your parents and they will tell you but those two are my deceased parents….i would have killed you a long time ago but for the sake of my parents, I had to spare your life because family is family” he said that and walked out the door

I was now confused. Could Ndivhuwo be my family? He’s had so many chances to kill me and he didn’t…he always hid behind my wife saying that she was the reason why he was sparring my life but I guess there was more. I called Xolani to come to the hospital immediately and that we are going home to Venda. Xolani came and organized with Bongi to let me go. I was still weak and had difficulty walking so I was given a wheelchair. Xolani and I drove to Venda. I told him about my meeting with Ndivhuwo and he was as shocked as me.

We got home and my parents were shocked to see me in a wheelchair. I told them I was in a car accident and that I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want to worry them. Xolani and I then sat my parents down and gave my dad the photograph. He asked me where I got it and i asked him if he knew the people on the photo. He said it was his late brother and his late wife. Dammit I sat there and fell back on the sofa. Ndivhuwo was my cousin…f*** cousin…in my culture he was a brother to me and not a cousin. It then hit me like a stab in the heart…i killed my brother…Roli was my brother…I felt like killing my damn self…no wonder Ndivhuwo didn’t kill me for killing his brother…he didn’t want to lose two brothers.

I asked them what happened to them. He told us that his brother killed his wife and himself. They had twins and no one in the family could take care of them…my dad was still young to take care of two kids at the time so they were taken to a home and nobody heard from them ever since. My dad asked where I got the picture and I told him that I got it from Ndivhuwo…his brother’s son. He was happy to hear that I was in contact with his brother’s son. I was feeling like kak. I then lashed out at my dad and blamed his family for the fact that I grew up not knowing my brothers and that they grew up alone and they became monsters because of that. Even though I couldn’t tell my parents yet that I killed Roli…had I known that he was my family…I wouldn’t have killed him. I left them sitting there and went to my room to cry. I later went to check on my son…he was happy to see me and told me that he missed his mom…I told him that he’ll see her soon. So my dad came and told me that he was leaving for George with me and Xolani the following day…he wanted to meet Ndivhuwo himself.

We spent the following day with the family and that evening we hit the road all the way to George. My dad eagerly wanted to meet Ndivhuwo. Well I wasn’t too sure about accepting that we were actually a family I mean that guy had been sleeping with my wife. We got to George in the morning. Tshililo was home but was still sleeping when we arrived. I went to the bedroom and woke her up. She was pissed at me for getting myself discharged and for leaving to Venda without notice. She wanted to know what was so important that I’ll only inform her about my trip when I was already on the way. I sat her down and told her my reason for going home.

Me:”well I will just tell it as it is, Ndivhuwo is my brother or cousin or whichever way you may call it…His father was my dad’s older brother”
Tshili: what? How…like wh….how…how did that happen?” this shocked her too
Me:”bbe I don’t know but that’s the truth…he is our family” she looked at me with her hands on her head looking all confused
Tshili:”noooooo, Thembu please it can’t be…he told me that his parents died and…and…he doesn’t use a Mudau surname…there has to be some sort of a mistake”
Me:” his dead father was my dad’s brother…I don’t know about the surname maybe he is using his mom’s but Ndivhuwo is really my brother that’s why I went to Venda…I wanted to make sure”
Tshili:”uhm…so…..uhm….ahhh…I think I need some time alone” she said that and walked out of the door. She was petrified about the news…I mean I was still in shock about Ndivhuwo being my brother so imagine how she must be feeling about it?
So Xolani called Ndivhuwo and asked him for a meeting…he gave Xolani the address and said that we should come to his hotel room in the afternoon. That afternoon we didn’t disappoint. Me, Xolani and our dad went to see Ndivhuwo…my dad was excited about the whole thing.

We got to his room and found him waiting for us. He signalled for us to sit…he was also sitting on the couch
Dad:” there is no question about this…you look exactly like my brother” he said as soon as he set his eyes on Ndivhuwo…Ndivhuwo just looked at him and raised an eyebrow and then looked at me and Xolani
X:”uhm Ndivhuwo this is our father and as you can see he can recognise you”
Ndiv:”ow really? But he failed to recognize me those years back when I was an orphan right?”
Dad:”Ndivhuwo my son please…let’s sit down and talk about this like adults ok? We are one family here…I know I haven’t been there for you but it’s not too late to start afresh…we can still be a family” he looked at my dad and laughed a bit
Ndiv:” you’re very late, it’s been years….do you have any idea how old I am? It took you almost 30 years to finally remember that your brother Mangalani had kids? Our whole life my brother and I always wanted a family but all we had was each other”
Dad:” I understand what you are saying and I am sorry…things were hard back then my boy”
Ndiv:” I don’t even know why I agreed to this little meeting but maybe because I know I need a family but I am not even sure if you are the right family for me. I mean no one in the family cared to think about us? Or what could have happen to the twins of the deceased? Really?” his eyes were a bit teary
Dad:” I am sorry Ndivhuwo, so where is your twin?” Ndivhuwo looked at me and then got up and went to the sliding door and opened the curtains and looked outside with his back facing us
Dad:”Ndivhuwo?”
Ndiv:” your son killed him” he turned around and gave us an evil smile
Dad:”what?”
Me:” dad it was a mistake, I was not aware that he and Roli were our family…it just happened and since I found out that he is my family this whole thing had been eating me up…its painful to know that I killed my own blood…I really regret killing him” I was near tears
Dad:”sooo….Thembu you killed your brother?” he looked defeated…like he didn’t even know what to do with me anymore
Ndiv:”yah he did and I wanted to kill him for it, I really wanted to…but his wife stopped me”
X:” you knew the truth then?”
Ndiv:” Roli and I knew the truth about you being our family but we were pissed at you guys because you had everything we didn’t have…you had a family. We followed you around for a while. We knew about the family gatherings in Venda and all the trips to Mthatha and all that s***. We envied what you had but we never wanted to be part of it…Roli was my only family and I was his….it was only until he was dead and I was lonely and miserable that I realised that I had no one else in this life…no family apart from you guys” he had tears in his eyes
Me:”sorry Ndivhuwo, please forgive me”
Ndiv:”I want you to know this….you took away from me something that can never be replaced, a twin brother…my blood, your blood…..he was a part of me…it was as if I was him and he was me….we were more like one person and you took that away from me. I know he was responsible for Tshili’s miscarriage but you knew that he didn’t do it deliberately, it was an honest mistake” he shouted the last part
Me:” I know that and I am sorry” I had tears in my eyes too
Ndiv:”it’s been months now but I still can’t move on….life without him is awfully impossible” my dad went to him and took his hand

Dad:” I know I am not perfect, I have made so many mistakes in my life…if there was a price for the worst father in the world then I was surely going to get it, Xolani and Thembu knows that but I have grown up now and I realise my mistakes and I know you need me, I know you are still upset Ndivhuwo but we can be there for you, even though I am not perfect I can be the imperfect father to you, it’s better than nothing…..i regret not taking you and your brother everyday but I had nothing back then and  I had no plan….my sister was married to a very difficult man so she couldn’t take you in either and as for my parents…they had nothing, they were seriously struggling and they felt that at least at the childrens home you’ll be fed every day. I want us to move forward from this. Let’s forget about the past and stand together as the Vhadau family”
Ndiv:” I need my space now...ya’ll should leave”
X:”what? Ndivhuwo we are a family and we can make this work, please bro, we are here for you”
Ndiv:” I just need some time alone right now ok?”
Dad:”let’s go and let him think about this on his own…just don’t forget everything we said here today Ndivhuwo”
Ndiv:” I won’t forget just as I won’t forget how I grew up alone with my brother and how my brother died because of you. Had you looked for us and treated us like your family….Roli and I would have known your kids and Thembu wouldn’t have killed him” my dad and Xolani walked out. I was left behind pushing my wheelchair
Me:”Ndivhuwo”
Ndiv:”yah” he was looking into my eyes
Me:” did you really loved my wife or it was all to get back at me…or punishing me because I grew up with a father and with a family you didn’t have? I am asking this because all this time you knew that we were a family but you chose to keep quiet”
Ndiv:”ok maybe I did admired you,  hated you because you seemed to have a perfect life and I also envied the life you had with your wife but the honest truth is I really loved that woman Thembu and that’s why I never stopped her when she told me that she still loves you…I wanted her to be happy and as much as I hate to admit it, I also wanted you to be happy….that’s another reason why I came back….to ensure your safety because apart from everything else….you guys are still the only family I have. I know hooking up with her was foolish of me but I wanted to be foolish and be with her because I loved her”
Me:” do you still love her?”
Ndiv:”it doesn’t matter now does it?”

We got home and I went to the bedroom where my wife was. I got there and told her about the meeting with Ndivhuwo and about how he said he still loved her. What hurts the most was that I could see it in his eyes when he said it that he really still loved her. I don’t know man but the fact that Tshililo had been with my brother was messing with my head. So we argued about it. Yep I asked her if she still wanted him and she got pissed and slapped me across the face for ever thinking that. She reminded me again about how she left the guy because she loved me. I told her that I was having difficulty dealing with finding out that Ndivhuwo was my brother and that he was having it with my wife. She told me that she’s been having some difficulty too. It wasn’t easy for her as well. I don’t know how we were going to be a family with Ndivhuwo…how was I going to trust that he won’t try any funny business behind my back? Worst part is that it’s not like I could stand up to that nigga.

TSHILILO

I was totally confused…so Ndivhuwo was really Thembu’s brother. I felt stupid…like boo boo the fool, like totally totally dumb…how could I be so stupid? Ndivhuwo never loved me…he never did…all he wanted was to get close to his family through me…that’s what it was all about. I felt bad…like I felt nauseous when I thought about the fact that I had slept with two brothers/cousins…it was bad. I don’t know but I felt that I needed to talk to him somehow. Yeah we were not together anymore and he was about to be part of my family so I had to iron out some issues with him first. i took the car keys and drove to the hotel he always stays at. I went to his room and knocked. He opened for me but looked all shocked

Ndiv:”Tshililo?” I just looked at him and said nothing...i was trying to understand if everything was really a lie
Ndiv:”so you heard? Well, come in”
Me:”but why? Why did you do this Ndivhuwo? All this time you knew? You knew that Thembu was your little brother?” he looked at me and pulled me inside and then closed the door
Me:”Ndivhuwo!”’
Ndiv:”yah I knew” I felt rash all over my body, I’ve been played
Me:” so what was I then? You were playing me for a fool huh? You were just trying to get close to Thembu and his family neh?” I had tears in my eyes but I quickly wiped them off
Ndiv:”I feel offended right now…how do you even begin to doubt my love for you? If anyone left our relationship it’s you Tshililo, I didn’t leave but you did. I loved you from deep within and I still do…given the chance I’d definitely date you again”
Me:”but why did you do it knowing full well that you were Thembu’s family and then afterwards you decided to tell us all the truth….do you have any idea how evil that is? To play me the way you did? So our whole relationship was just to hurt him neh? This is what you wanted all along…to hurt him and you used me to do it”
Ndiv:”what? Tshililo are you crazy? Are you insane? I love you ma washu I still do….what do you want me to do to prove to you that I still do huh? I do love you but I have accepted that you love him….yes I loved you knowing full well that you are my brother’s wife but I was around you guys and I saw that he was not treating you right….i know about the cheating with Teressa and how devastated you were, I know that he got arrested and left you alone and he had you guarded so that you don’t see anyone….i didn’t plan on falling in love but when you were working with me it just happened and I couldn’t control it so I chose to be the man you deserve, all I ever wanted to do was to make you happy…..I’ve been trying my level best all this time”
Me:” if you love me the way you say you do then I want you to leave us….i want you to go back to France or anywhere else in the world but I don’t want you here. I am already fighting with Thembu because of this…he is a man and you also know that this is not going to be easy for him…knowing that I had been sleeping with his brother is killing him so please leave” I was desperate, I honestly needed him to disappear
Ndiv:”Tshililo”
Me:” I know that it’s too much to ask but how are you going to look at each other in my presence huh? It’s not going to work Ndivhuwo, this will really kill him”
Ndiv:”so you are asking me to give up the chance of having a family? A chance at having something I never had?” he had a serious look on his face. I looked at him and nodded
Me:”I know how much this means to you…but yes, that’s what I am asking
Ndiv:”Tshililo” he breathed loudly
Ndiv:” I love you, you know that but I need this….this means everything to me…I never got the chance to know my parents, Roli is dead, my daughter is in another continent….i can’t have you so at least let me have a chance with my family” I looked at him and felt sorry for him. He was right. There was no need for him to leave. Even if it meant that my marriage with Thembu was going to be on the rocks but he needed this more than anything and I had to let him be
Me:” I am sorry for even asking you…I was being plain foolish and after everything you’ve been through, I think you deserve this”
Ndiv:”I am a bit worried about you and him”
Me:”well we will be fine. He is not taking it well, it’s hurting him but we will be strong….you deserve some happiness even if it means that I will have to forget about mine”
Ndiv:” do you think it can get that bad? Like lead to another separation?”
Me:” I honestly don’t know but if I am giving you a chance to be with the family then I think it’s best if I am not there…I don’t want him to jump into conclusions whenever he sees us alone…he is a man and it will hurt him”
Ndiv:”don’t leave him” he begged
Me:” I will never leave him…I love him so much, you of all people knows that but if it comes down to separation then I will accept it…I really want you to be happy for once”
Ndiv:”so you’ll choose my happiness over yours?”
Me:”well yah…it’s not just yours but everyone’s….you being part of the Mudau family will make everyone happy…they will all be happy to have you so if it comes down to either me or you then I will leave” he smiled
Ndiv:”now I miss the days where you were mine, I mean the times where I used to do with you as I please…I loved you with the kind of love I never thought existed…I loved you in a way that I couldn’t even understand and what hurts is that I still love you that way….looking at you now…I am in love”
Me:”please Ndivhuwo, if we are to make this family thing work then you can’t talk to me like that…Thembu is your brother and me and you never happened” he gave me a fake laugh
Ndiv:”but we did and if I am to choose between having you and this family…I’ll choose you because you mean that much to me”
Me:”stop! Ndivhuwo just stop it”
Ndiv:” I am about to be your brother in law and before it becomes official let me say it all”
Me:”why? So that I’d feel guilty about giving you false hope when I was with you? To remind me how much I have hurt you? Please Ndivhuwo don’t do this…we are a family now don’t do that”
Ndiv:”ok if that’s what you want…give me one last hug and after that hug I will see you as nothing but my brother’s wife I promise” he walked to me and we hugged