Insert 66
I don’t know why Ndivhuwo loved me so much but I loved it. If I say I didn’t like how he loved and treated me I’d be lying. He made me feel young and cared for for a change. With him i didn’t have to worry about anything…I always knew that he had my back all the time…it was a beautiful feeling. Maybe it was all because he was few years older than me and he treated me like a little girl…I loved that about him, having someone to make me feel young, wanted and cared for.
I fell asleep and woke up a while later and found him staring at me while I sleep. He asked me what time I wanted to go home and I told him that I wasn’t going back and that I’d rather book a hotel room. He told me that he was about to have a guest over. I looked at him in shock…was he chasing me out? Was it a girl?
Me” a girl?” he nodded. Damn Ndivhuwo was having a girl over. I don’t know why but the fact that he was having a girl over hurt. I mean he said he loved me…at least that’s what he always preached but why would he be with someone else then? I quickly got out of bed and walked to the door and he followed me and took my hand.
Ndivhu:” Tshililo please you’re angry?”
Me:” no I am not” well that was a lie
Ndivhu:” I know you are” I didn’t say anything
Ndivhu:” ok Tshililo she is not my girlfriend, well she is my sex buddy or let me say that’s how i see it…we are not really dating so please don’t be angry” wow I couldn’t believe that he thought that would make me feel better
Me:” why are you explaining yourself?”
Ndivhu:” because you are acting up and being angry….but Tshili tell me here…what kind of person would I be if I don’t have someone in my life? I love you a lot but you are married to someone else and it’s not like we can have sex or anything like that….i am in a bad space right now, actually I am stressed and I do need to let off some steam” owk this was awkward and him being this honest was just something else….i just looked at him and not say anything
Ndivhu:” I just need to be with someone owk? And you need to go home and talk to your husband, you can’t run away from this…..you need to talk it out and decide what to do”
Me:” can I be that someone tonight please” he gave me a coy smile
Ndivhu:” NO!!” what?
Me:”what? Why?”
Ndivhu:” because I love you and right now all I need is sex and I don’t want it with you because you are not emotionally fine” owk the thought of him having sex with someone else was bad….i didn’t even wanna think about it, why was I feeling this way because he was not my husband or boyfriend for that matter? Ndivhuwo was free to sleep with whoever he wanted and I didn’t have the right to be angry about it and yet I found myself angry.
Me:” we can cuddle” he looked at me and laughed…I don’t know why he was laughing because this was not funny
Ndivhu:” I know I look fine to you right now but I am not fine…I am stressed, I am losing my mind and I just want to have a bit of sex, sweat and then I will feel better….that’s what I need right now” I looked at him and just blinked. Someone knocked on the door. He let go of my hand and went to open for her. A Barbie look-alike walked in and I felt nauseas.
The girl walked in and asked who I was. Ndivhuwo said I was a friend. He then told me to leave and that he’ll call me later that night to find out how I was and if I decide to book a hotel then he’ll come check me out. He even offered to give me his credit card so that I could use it in the meantime. Ok hold on a minute…was he friend-zoning me? Because this really looked like it. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t just leave him there to f*** another girl. I wanted to see just how much he loved me. He took deep breath and put his hands on his hips…he looked really disappointed, he turned around and looked at the girl
Ndivhu:” Zinzi babe you’re gonna have to go” he went to the door and opened for her
Zinzi:”what?”
Ndivhu:” I am sorry but she is my friend”
Girl:” you know what? I am way too busy to be dealing with this….i have things to do and don’t ever ever call me again” she walked out of the room. Ndivhuwo closed the door and stood with his back against it and put his one hand on his pocket and looked at me
Ndivhu:” s***, I just lost that girl…I can’t believe you blew this up for me Tshililo….” He looked like he wanted to cry and he looked really pissed
Ndivhu:” I am gonna have to take another shower…I need to get my body to relax a little and then…and then we can cuddle” he was clearly not happy about this...the way he said ‘cuddle’ just showed how much he hated it. I wanted to laugh but it wasn’t funny, this guy was seriously in love with me…he just chose a cuddle over sex and he was angry about it.
I spent the whole day with him. I took a shower while he ordered some food for us. So we sat and ate. After that we chilled and he told me that I should go back home to Thembu tomorrow. I told him that I will go because Thembu and I needed to talk and I should get a lawyer. He told me to hold off on getting a divorce for at least few weeks. I was confused, I didn’t understand this guy at times. I asked him why all of a sudden he didn’t want me to leave Thembu. He told me that I needed to cool off and be sure that this is what I really wanted. He didn’t want me to take serious decisions and regret them later. He also said that he won’t ever sleep with me unless he was sure that I was at my right state of mind because he didn’t want me to think that he was taking advantage of me…this was shocking…which planet was he from?
Me:” why do you always think before you act? i mean you always keep it together, you don’t overreact or act out of stress or anger…how do you do it?”
Ndivhu:” because it works for me and it’s a skill I have mastered….my brother didn’t have it…eish that boy used to mess things up for us sometimes” he was smiling a bit
Me:” you miss him neh?” he held me tight; he went silent for a while
Ndivhu:” it still feels like a dream….i feel like I will wake up one morning and he will be wearing my clothes, sitting in front of the computer doing what he do best…hacking and all those things” he breathed
Ndivhu:” it feels like a part of me has been taken away…I feel lonely, empty, my head is always spinning….i think about him all the time Tshili, I dream about him everyday…I have been through some tough stuff in my life but nothing this painful, I don’t know how I will move on from this. He has always been there for me you know…it’s always been me and him but now….” He started crying
Me:” I am so sorry”
Ndivhu:” I know you are love…thanks, it’s just that things are now different, we have always done everything together, so now I am alone…if we were not spending a day together we’d call each other like 100 times a day….it was like we were together even when we weren’t, now it’s all over”
Me:” I don’t even know what to say but just know that I am sorry”
Ndivhu:” thanks”
Me:” so you have no friends?”
Ndivhu:” I have colleagues and employees that’s all, he was my friend”
Me:” maybe you should see your daughter for few days, it might help”
Ndivhu:” I will have to sit on a flight for hours to do that but I can’t do it now”
So he told me that his daughter was overseas with her mother. He convinced the mother to leave the country for her own safety and the child’s. He didn’t want to endanger the child just in case things got bad for him and his twin. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking and watching TV. That night Ndivhuwo spent the night on a couch…he said he didn’t want to risk being too close to me for the whole night.
The following morning I woke up and said goodbye to Ndivhuwo and went back to my house.
THEMBULUWO
I was worried sick. I called everyone we knew and nobody knew where she was. The thought that maybe she was with Ndivhuwo crossed my mind but I didn’t want to believe that she was with him. I really didn’t want to believe it. So I was sitting on the couch in the morning when she opened the door and walked in. I ran to her and gave her a hug. She removed me from her and told me that she will talk to her lawyer and that the divorce papers will be ready in less than a week. She told me that she was not taking anything…all she wanted was to be free from me. Yohh I lost it…how could she do this to me? I asked her if she was with Ndivhuwo and the woman didn’t even lie to me about it. She told me she was with him and then gave me some bull about her not sleeping with him or kiss him. How do I know that? How do I know that they didn’t do anything together?
I told her that I wasn’t gonna let her leave me and that there was no getting out of all this and that the only way for her to leave will be through a coffin. She tried to tell me that she was done but I grabbed her by her neck and told her not to ever think of leaving me for someone who was our enemy. How could she go off and sleep with our enemy? I was so angry I felt like squeezing the life out of her. She looked terrified…like totally afraid. I told her that signing off the divorce papers would be the end of her. I was not giving her a threat…I was serious. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t live knowing that she was out there with someone as vicious as him…it would be better for me to just end her. I reminded her again that I killed Ndivhuwo’s twin and that killing him wouldn’t be so difficult. I told her to sit in the house and mop around if that’s what she wanted but she was never ever going to leave me…I wasn’t going to let her. After all that I let her go and walked to my bedroom…I told her I needed to sleep because I hardly slept the whole night.
TSHILILO
I was crushed. So I didn’t even get a sorry…instead I was being blamed by someone who had hurt me this much. As much as I wanted to feel guilty for what I had done, I wasn’t feeling guilty at all. Ndivhuwo was my friend and he made me feel better, Thembuluwo on the other hand was a husband I loved with all my heart but he was just not the same anymore. With each passing day Thembuluwo was becoming more and more of an animal. I thought about what I had to do to get out of all this…an idea crossed my mind…I had to run…I couldn’t do this anymore. If I was running away then I had to be clever about it. Thembuluwo shouldn’t find out where I was. I wrote Thembuluwo a note. I then looked around and took the Aston Martin’s keys plus my wallet and drove out of the house. I didn’t go to the safe to get then money because I didn’t want to risk him finding me. My next step would have to get the car tracker removed. I left the note on the benz’s windscreen for him to find and left the house.
I knew that once I withdrew money from the account then Thembu will know that I wasn’t home so I had to be as quick as I possibly could. My first stop was at the panel beater. I went to some Dodgy panel beater in town and told them that I wanted them to remove a tracker for me. They tried to ask why but I wasn’t interested in giving them an answer. I asked them to do the job in 10 minutes…they told me that it was more than enough time. While they were busy removing the tracker i went to the closest atm and withdrew 10grand. Hopefully it was going to be enough because I couldn’t keep withdrawing money because Thembu would track me. When I walked back to the panelbeater they were done. I paid them and quickly drove away. I knew that Thembu was probably on his way.
THEMBULUWO
I was still trying to take a nap when a message came through to my phone. It was a bank notification. 10k had been withdrawn in town. What the hell! I got out of the room and ran downstairs. Tshililo wasn’t there. I looked around for the Aston keys and they were gone. Dammit. I took the Benz key and walked outside. I found a piece of paper that was stuck between the windscreen and the wipers. I took the paper and started reading
“I am gone, I couldn’t bare the pain anymore, it was so painful I swear I was going to lose it and fall one day. I don’t know where I am going but I just want to be away from everything and everyone. I am not going to Ndivhuwo, he also knows nothing about this. You’ve hurt me so much, and what you did today was a breaking point…I can’t take it anymore. I love you and you know that but do you still love me? We’ve once been happy, yes but right now I don’t know Thembu, I don’t think I will ever recover from this….being violent with me after the pain you’ve caused me? I need time alone, to clear my head and to be myself again because I don’t even recognise myself anymore. Don’t try to look for me because you won’t find me…I want to be away from you, what you did today scared me, I feel like one day you’ll get angry like you did today and a gun will be at your disposal….just know that I love you but I can’t be this unhappy anymore”
I read the letter again and again and again and I couldn’t help the tears. I wasn’t crying because she left me but because I realised while reading this letter how much I had damaged her and how much I had been pushing her to Ndivhuwo. But it was too late now. She was gone. I called the car tracking company and to my surprise they couldn’t track my car…what the hell? So she had it removed? Oww s*** what have I done? What if she kills herself? What have I done to my wife huh? I just stood there and not know what to do.
TSHILILO
I drove for couple of hours without knowing where I was going. When I was sure that I was free then I started to relax…I was really off the hook. I needed this kind of break. I realized that I was already in Northern Cape. I was in a small town in a place that looked more like farms. I booked a BnB there. I wanted some break nje. I then went to the shops and bought myself some clothes and some toiletries. I wasn’t going to cook…i asked the BnB to provide food for me.
THEMBULUWO
I sat in my house. It was quite and lonely. It was few hours after she was gone but it felt like days. I was worried sick about her, I had no idea what she was up to or what was happening with her. i felt bad and I hated myself. I took my phone and dialled Rendani’s number…she was the only person I needed to talk to….she was still in George
I told her that I was turning into our father and that it scared the s*** out of me. I started crying as I was talking to her. I dropped the call and cried for real. I had become him. Look at what I had done to my wife? It’s how I felt inside when I was with her that really scared me. I was so angry with her I wanted her dead.
After about 15 minutes Rendani and Xolani walked in. Xolani still had a bandage on his hand. They gave me a hug and asked me what happened. I told them everything that happened and that she was gone. They both agreed that I needed professional help for my anger. They were also shocked about Tshililo running to Ndivhuwo after we had a fight…I mean Ndivhuwo was like our number one enemy so just like me they didn’t understand why would go to him. They then gave me a lecture about how I needed to let her go because obviously we were not good for each other. I was not ok with letting her go but they told me that when she comes back I should give her the divorce that she wanted and then try to move on. I was still talking to my siblings when someone knocked. Rendani opened and it was Ndivhuwo. He looked angry…he asked to speak to me in private. I walked out with him and he grabbed me by my neck as soon as we stepped outside.
Ndivhu:” what did you do to her? What did you do Thembuluwo?” he roared
Me:” uhm”
Ndivhu:”uhm? How do you talk to your wife like that? Treat her like that huh?” I pushed him away and he let go of me….i knew it, I just knew it
Me:”so she ran to you huh? The little note she wrote about her running and not coming to you was a lie so she ran to you and you’ve been together the whole day”
Ndivhu:” what are you talking about? She ran? Did you say she ran away? She even left you a note…is that what you are telling me?” I started swallowing saliva. As much as I didn’t want him to be with my wife…at least if they were together I’d know that she was safe
Me:” are you telling me that she didn’t come to you?” for the first time In my life…I wanted him to tell me that he’s been with my wife, In fact I was hoping he’d say that
Ndivhu:” why would I have her? she came to me yesterday because she was stressed after finding out about you and Bee…but she came back home to you this morning Thembu and I just saw you getting violent with her”
Me:”saw me? What do you mean?”
Ndivhu:” ahg I thought you are clever enough to have figured it all out already…I have cameras installed in your house and that’s how I knew that you fought this morning”
Me:” Ndivhuwo what happens in my house has nothing to do with you and you have no right to question me about it”
Ndivhu:” you and I both know how much I love her and if I wanted her I would have taken her away from you but unlike you, I value her happiness more than the foolish idea of having her to myself and at some point I trusted you with her happiness but right now I am not sure so with that being said…I will intervene if I see that you are abusing her just like you did today”
Me:”she is my wife”
Ndivhu:” exactly, not part of your furnisher, she can make her own decisions” I just stood there and looked at him, as much as I was angry at this guy, I was worried about Tshililo
Ndivhu:” so you have no idea where she is?”
Me:” she just took off”
Ndivhu:” did you try to call?”
Me:” she left her phone and she removed the car tracker” Ndivhuwo looked at me and laughed, owk I was seriously lost
Ndivhu:” sorry about that but I am impressed….the girl always knows how to surprise me”
Me:” that girl is my wife and you have no right to call her that”
Ndivhu:” soon to be ex-wife and soon to be my girlfriend….you’re gonna have to control your anger because we have to find her”
Me:” how do you plan on doing that?”
Ndivhu:”I don’t know but we will have to make a plan”
Me:” so me and you working together?”
Ndivhu:” for the woman we love, yes”
Me:” but what if she really need this break, what if she really need to be alone? She has been through a lot lately and as much as I hate to admit, I have been partly to blame and you are also to blame too, you’ve done some things to hurt her”
Ndivhu:”uhm well it wasn’t me, it was the twin you KILLED and you should thank her for the fact that you are still alive”
Me:” whether it was you or him…it’s still the same thing. Let’s not dwell on that right now…our focus should be her”
Ndivhu:” let’s look for her, if she wants a break then she’ll go back home in Venda and spend some time with her son. The only reason why she ran away is because you threatened her…like the only reason she’ll ever leave you will be through her coffin? Really? Well I will kill you first before you even think of killing her. So let me tell you something else…just because you are helping me find her it doesn’t mean that when she comes back you’ll own her and be violent with her again. Let’s agree that Tshililo will choose between us and whichever one loses will have to make peace with it…ayt?”
Me:” cool” I didn’t have a choice but to agree…I couldn’t really force her to be with me
Ndivhu:” so shall we begin?”
Me:” yeah let’s find her” we looked at each other and smiled, who would have thought that I could work with Ndivhuwo and agree on one thing…all thanks to my wife.
Zwi a Penga
Insert 67
So I went back to the house with Ndivhuwo…we told Xolani and Rendi not to disturb and then walked to the study. They were really shocked to see us getting along. We went to the study were Ndivhuwo took my computer and logged in to his profile from this other website. He started hacking into the traffic systems and checking some videos in different places. I had no idea what he was doing so I just sat there and observed. I got excited when he said that he had found her. I was shocked at how a person can be tracked using a number plate and their photograph…she was somewhere in Northern Cape in a small town just before Kimberly. Ndivhuwo and I drove to the location in his car.
TSHILILO
I was sleeping when the owner of the house came and knocked on my door. I opened and she told me that my husband was here. I was really shocked and scared at the same time. Thembuluwo was so going to kill me for this. I was shocked when I saw him walking in and then followed by Ndivhuwo. He tried to hug me but I pushed me away…after everything that’s happened a hug was the last thing that I wanted from him. He told me how sorry he was and how stressed he was when he didn’t know where I was. I told them that I needed some space…Ndivhuwo asked why I didn’t come to him…he said he would have helped me to get my own space to deal with my issues. I told him that I didn’t want to involve him because they were just going to kill each other. They just looked at each other and then at me. I asked them if they worked together to find me and they nodded. I told them that all I needed was space and they said they were going to give it to me. So I signed out of the BnB and had to drive back. I went to My car and Thembu said he will drive me. Ndivhuwo called me to have a word with him just before Thembu started driving. Thembu nodded as if giving me permission. I walked out of the car to Ndivhuwo. He told me that he loved me and that he’d do anything for me. He told me to think carefully about who I wanted to be with and that he’ll be waiting for me to decide who I was picking between him and Thembu. I didn’t have anything to say…all I wanted was some rest. So I told him that I was tired and needed rest and he let me go. I drove back home with Thembuluwo in total silence. We got home and I told him that I wanted divorce and that I was moving out. He told me that he was tired of fighting me and that if divorce is what I needed then he was going to give it to me.
THEMBULUWO
Two days later Tshili and I went back home to Venda to inform our families about the divorce. It kinda hurt when I saw my son happy to see us both. The whole family was happy to see us back home before we had the family meeting. Tshililo and I spent the night in the same room the night we got home. We thought that we would officially separate after the meeting. I kissed her on the forehead after a very long speech that I gave her about how a good woman she’d been to me and how much I’d miss her and how much I’d hate myself for ruining what we had. We slept with each of us looking on the opposite direction. I had tears in my eyes…..team TheTshi was dead…..TTT was no more…..my family was all gone…..i cried in silence.
The following morning we woke up and Tshililo was busy preparing food as we were going to have her family over. I kept on looking at her and regretted everything that I had done. Tshililo was a good woman and I had messed her up. In the afternoon her family finally arrived and everyone ate and then we started discussing the reason for the meeting. We told them that we were getting a divorce. Yeses they were shocked. They kept asking what happened. I told them that I got another girl pregnant. The disappointment in their faces neh? They were seriously disappointed and pissed at me. They then begged Tshililo to try and understand that mistakes happen. They all tried to talk her out of the idea of divorce but I stood by her and told them that she’s tolerated enough and it’s about time she choose her own happiness. I figured that if I really loved her then I will need to show a united front and be on her side. She wanted a divorce and I didn’t want to look like I was trying to get our families to manipulate her to change her mind. As shocked as they all were at the news…they didn’t have a choice but to accept that I was getting a divorce. My parents and my aunt were not happy…Tshili’s mom and her uncles were also not happy but this was not up to them…they really didn’t have a choice here. We all agreed that Tshili will still be at my place until we go back to George and then we can take it from there. After two days of being home Tshililo and I finally left for George. She had already taken all her clothes to her home. It was emotional to leave our son back there. We didn’t even tell him that we were separating…he was still too young to understand and we were far away from him so there was no need to tell him now. Everyone was now weird around us…they kept on hoping that we will work it out.
We got to George and Tshililo didn’t even waste time. She started parking her clothes. She told me that she was going to stay at a hotel until she finds a place of her own. Well I had no choice but to help her pack. She was taking the Benz and I was going to be left with the Aston.
The following day I woke up and decided to go check on Bonita and my child. I got there and forced her to go to the Doctor for a check-up with me. She didn’t want to go but at the end she agreed. There was nothing wrong with the baby, in fact the baby was very much healthy. The only reason why I was out there with Bonita was because I was trying not to think about what I had lost for a while…I didn’t want to think about my failed marriage for a while.
TSHILILO
Day one without Thembu. I woke up feeling a bit tired but part of me was happy. I was finally free. I called my son in the morning before he go to school. He was happy to hear from me and I was happy to hear his voice too. My mom called me trying to get me to change my mind…she didn’t want to be the gossip of the village with her daughter coming back home…I mean this is the same woman who wanted me to leave Thembu when he got arrested but now she was telling me something different. I dropped the call on her because I couldn’t take it anymore.
I then called Sihle and we went out for lunch and then did some shopping. I told her about my divorce and she told me about hers too. Yep apparently she was unable to conceive and hubby was cheating on her with different girls. So she was calling it quits. I couldn’t believe that my friend and I were both getting a divorce…things are tough out there people. I was walking at the mall with Sihle when I spotted Thembuluwo and Bonita pushing a trolley. Yoh I felt like I was being stabbed. I mean I moved out of the house just yesterday and he had already become happy family with her? I looked at them and I couldn’t take it anymore so I turned around and walked away and Sihle walked after me. He ran after me and tried to explain. I told him not to bother because we were getting a divorce. I won’t lie…I was honestly hurt…I still loved him and the only reason I left was because of everything he had done and I felt that I deserved a little bit of respect from him. I walked away and all the way to my car and my friend followed.
THEMBULUWO
I wasn’t happy with Tshililo finding me and Bee like that. Now she was going to think that I didn’t care about her at all. Bee didn’t seem to care…she said Tshililo left me and she shouldn’t care who I end up with…well I expected that from her because obviously she knew nothing about what I shared with Tshililo. Jay called a meeting at Svig’s house. Svig didn’t even know that we were having meeting there. Apparently he was giving up on the whole thing…after what happened with Ndivhuwo, I think Svig was embarrassed to stand in front of us and order us around again. We all went to him and told him how much we needed him, how good he was at this job and how losing to Ndivhuwo meant nothing. We told him that all the guys he had defeated before were still running the business and they didn’t quit so there was no need for him to quit the game. We explained to him how much we needed him and how our families were relaying on him. It took a lot of convincing to make him believe in himself again…to make him want to run the business again. But at the end we succeeded and he wasn’t giving up anymore.
TSHILILO
After meeting Thembu with Bonita I couldn’t wait anymore. I called my lawyer and got the papers drafted, I wanted to get this divorce thing over and done with. I then met up with Thembu and he didn’t contest anything…all I got from him was few rands to help get through until I get a job. I also got the benz and he got everything else. We didn’t fight about anything but rather just signed the papers….so our divorce only took few weeks rather than months. Ndivhuwo was away…I told him I needed space without him close to me so he left the country and went to see his daughter.
FEW MONTHS LATER
I was chilling in my flat after shopping when someone knocked on the door. I went to Open and it was Ndivhuwo. I was happy to see him. In fact I felt that I missed him. After I offered him a drink and he refused we sat on the couch
Me:"so how is everything? The business? And how was your trip?" Our eyes were still focused on each other
Ndiv:"i don’t wanna talk about business...you’ll get bored but maybe I will tell you all about it after we’ve rested”
Me “so when did you come back?" damn the feelings
Ndiv:"I got to OR Tambo 3 hours ago and then took a flight to George and now here i am"
Me:" so you spent some time with your daughter?"
Ndiv:"yep....and i enjoyed being with her" I tried to look at him but I couldn’t do it anymore... I looked on the floor and got up.
Ndiv:"you can’t look at me anymore huh?"
Me:"so how long will you be around?" I dodged his question
Ndiv:"for as long as you need me....i mean I only left because you needed space and I didn’t want to go against your word" he got up and came and stood in front of me
Ndiv:" you’re ok now? Or do you still need more time?" I looked at him and didn’t know what to say. I liked Ndivhuwo a lot but he was more of a criminal than Thembu ever was. Being with him meant that I had to deal with guns once more
Me:" I don’t know Ndivhuwo" he held me up so that I can stand on his toes and he looked down on me
Ndiv:"i know you are scared Tshili....but you know me, i will never disappoint"
Me:" I still don’t know"
Ndiv:"owk that’s fine, let’s just live then...let’s just live and then we will see how this will end....so can we cuddle?" he had that smile....he was obviously thinking about the night we spent together at the hotel and didn’t have sex
Me:"where is your sex buddy?" He laughed out loud
Ndiv:"uhm i haven’t had any since I heard about your divorce" I just looked at him and not give anything away
Me:"so you haven’t like...."
Ndiv:"nope... I am waiting for you"
Me:" But what if...."
Ndiv:"its fine" he was looking into my eyes. He gave me a long, slow passionate kiss. The feeling i got was great, especially because i missed being intimate with someone....he stopped kissing me and hugged me so tight.... I felt that with him is where i belonged....but for how long? As long as Ndivhuwo was still in my life...i was not done with guns and blood. Ndivhuwo was worse than Thembu so the stakes were also high....it was too much dangerous. I had lived through worse so as long as Ndivhuwo loved me and respected me then i was willing to endure whatever gangster s*** life would throw at us....as long as he don’t change on me like Thembu did then i was fine but if he hurts me neh?
Me:"if you hurt me Ndivhuwo....if you hurt me the same way I’ve been hurt in the past then I will honestly kill you” i meant what i said. He broke the hug and looked at me
Ndiv:"owk" that’s all he said and then he hugged me again
Me:"i am tired of the guns, the blood, the running and being scared" i whispered
Ndiv:"i am the boss Tshili....i don’t usually do the dirty work...unless i am required to do so, i promise you safety and not involving you in any of my dealings" I just hold him tight and said nothing. From gangster wife to gangster queen.....life...mine was way too complicated....I guess there was no leaving the gang life and i think part of me didn’t wanna let go of this life....it had become part of me....this was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. So I spent the remaining hours of the afternoon with Ndivhuwo. He even took me out for hiking at Outeniqua Nature Reserve.
THEMBULUWO
A couple of days ago I met a new girl. She was working at the Garden Route Mall at Jet and stayed in Thembalethu. Her name was Ziyanda. I spotted her a couple of weeks ago and I liked her. I started following her around and I finally managed to get her contacts and we talked for a while and then went on our first date. She was a beautiful well-mannered girl and I liked her so much. I know I had been with Tshililo for a long time and I wasn’t trying to replace her or anything but I had to try and move on. Bee was still in the picture but we were not dating. She made it clear to me that all she wanted was not a relationship and nothing had changed so far. My first date with Ziyanda went perfectly well. I took her out on a picnic afternoon at the beach. Yep I prepared some fancy picnic for her and she looked happy. She didn’t look comfortable with me looking all fancy with my expensive car and my expensive clothes but I told her that she can just relax and be herself. I didn’t want to put any pressure on her, I wanted her to be herself around me.
She told me about herself. She was a breadwinner at home…her mom was not working and she had siblings to take care of. She had passed grade 12 but lacked funds to study further. I told her a bit about me. I told her the lie about the family businesses between me and my brother Xolani. She looked like a good girl and I couldn’t honestly tell her everything all at once…I had to get to know her first. There was also something that bothered me. She was too good and too perfect. I felt like I was going to damage her the same way I had damaged Tshililo. I didn’t want to be responsible for damaging someone else the way I did Tshililo. I looked at her and realized that I like her. I felt that maybe I could try and be better for her. After the picnic I decided to take her to lunch in a hotel close to the beach.
TSHILILO
It was in the afternoon when Ndivhuwo came to my flat and asked me to go for lunch with him. We went to one of the hotels in Wilderness. He said the food was great and he wanted me to taste them. We ordered and shame I was not disappointed. The food was just perfect. After our beautiful lunch we walked out. We were walking out when we ran into Thembuluwo with some girl. We greeted each other and were about to pass each other when Thembuluwo asked for a word with me in private. Ndivhuwo walked to the car and the girl walked inside and they left me and Thembu alone
Thembu:"Nduvhuwo? Of all the guys you could have dated and you chose him? I know we are divorced and all but i don’t trust this guy....what are you doing with him?"
Me:"Thembuluwo please....we've both moved on, do you see me asking you questions?"
Thembu:"maybe because you never loved me" what?
Me:" what? Thembu I loved you and I still do but i love you enough to want you to be happy...if that girl makes you happy then I am fine and if Ndivhuwo makes me happy then it should be fine…I will always love you but my life has to go on"
Thembu:" but why Tshililo washu? You know i hate the guy" i looked at him and lacked the answer.
Thembu:" did you ever loved me? Did i mean anything to you at all?"
Me:"you know you meant everything to me, I loved you Thembu, I tolerated more than what most girls would have tolerated....yes Ndivhuwo won’t replace you but at least i know that i like him and with him i will be safe" he ran his hands through his head
Thembu:"i know i pushed you away but don’t hurt me like this please"
Me:" I don’t want to hurt you Thembu, really i don’t want to but if i can’t have you then i rather be with him"
Thembu:"why him? He is more dangerous than me" we were whispering
Me:"i know that but the honest truth is that Ndivhuwo is very powerful and he will protect us both….he loves me Thembu and i like him and with him on our side, we are all safe"
Thembu:"our side?"
Me:"i will always be on your team you know that and soon Ndivhuwo will have your guys back"
Thembu:"so do you love him at all or you are just using him?" I shook my head
Me:"it’s not about using him....i like him and i wanna be with him"
Thembu:"i want you for myself you know that" a tear fell from his eye and he wiped it off
Me:"but we are divorced Thembu"
Thembu:"i know that but how do i forget all of it? How do i forget the way you've stood by me? The way you've loved me? I don’t know how I am going to find someone like you Tshili....i have too many skeletons in my closet, I don’t even know if that girt is going to understand” I looked at him and my heart hurt
Me:"sorry Thembu it’s not easy but we have to do it, I just couldn’t be with you anymore....as for the girl, don’t rush her, take it one step at a time, she will understand if she loves you"
Thembu:" this doesn’t hurt you at all?" I gave him a fake smile
Me:" I am a woman Thembu, you trained me well....I’ve been through worse with you and for now i am just happy you have someone"
Thembu:"eish I won’t lie to you…the fact that you are with him hurt"
Me:"that’s because you are not used to seeing me with anyone else” I looked back at Ndivhuwo and he was already in the car. He seemed impatient
Thembu:"so have you? Like you know?" I shook my head
Me:"nope......but you do know that it’s going to have to happen right?"
Thembu:"i know, uhm i better go"
Me:"keep well and please go and see the shrink you once told me about....you can’t hurt the new girl Thembuluwo, don’t damage her" with that i walked away. I got in the car and Ndivhuwo drove away
Ndiv:"wow that was...."
Me:"long....i know and I’m sorry" he looked at me and then back at the road
Me:" you do trust me right?"
Ndiv:"i do but that’s your ex-husband Tshili...you seemed like you were deep in conversation, you were not discussing your son, he wouldn’t cry for that and you wouldn’t look like this if it was just a simple conversation" i looked at him
Me:"like what?"
Ndiv:"you look worried now Tshililo, you don’t look happy anymore" he stopped on the side of the road
Ndiv:" I know you still love him, love can’t just die overnight but what do you want? Do you still wanna be with him? I will let you go if you still want him"
Me:"Ndivhuwo"
Ndiv:" I am not playing games Tshililo, especially not about this relationship, it’s not my strongest point so love and serious relationships are not games to me, I don’t do that....i want to give you everything that ever meant something to me, show you everything that’s close to my heart, i want you to be part of me.....i have never done that with anyone else Tshililo so i want to know that you are in, that you wanna be in....that you really wanna be with me, this is really not a game" I looked at him and he gave me his serious look
Me:"sorry about what happened but this is what i want, this is where i wanna be....with you ok?"
Ndiv:"there is no going back?"
Me:"no going back"
Ndiv:" you’re serious?"
Me:" serious" he looked at me for a while and then started the car. He was quiet as he was driving. He looked like he was pissed or thinking hard. We got to my flat and parked the car at the parking lot
Me:" what are you thinking?" I asked before we got out of the car
Ndiv:" nothing, do you want me to come up?" The look on his eyes was not just look....he wanted me, like he wanted me, he was asking if i was ready for sex
Me:" you said you wanted it to be special"
Ndiv:" you have all the ropes" his eyes burnt into mine
Me:" let’s go" i got out of the car and walked to the flat with him behind me.
There was just no reason to delay making love to Ndivhuwo, i wanted to be with him and he wanted to be with me. He asked me if I was sure as soon as he closed and locked it…I told him that I was sure. He walked to me and started kissing me
Zwi a Penga
Insert 68
THEMBULUWO
My little chat with Tshililo was a bit of a turn off but I decided that I wasn’t going to let her ruin my date with Ziyanda. She asked who I was with and I decided not to lie and told her that it’s my ex-wife. She asked if I was still in love with her and I denied it….well I was lying but I had to lie because it’s not like Tshili and I still had a chance. After the lunch with Ziyanda we chilled a bit more talking and laughing and then I drove her home.
I stopped few houses away from her place. She told me that she had a great day and she thanked me for it…yeyyyy so I was still romantic huh? So we sat in an awkward silence for a while and that’s when we slowly started kissing. Things started hitting off so fast that I found myself getting out of the driver’s seat and went to her seat and climbed on top of her. Damn I wanted her so bad. She was busy moaning lightly and I was busy kissing her and sucking on her breasts when I reached for the condom and I got hold of one. She looked at my hands and suddenly started freaking out. She stopped kissing me and gave me a horrified look
Me:"what’s wrong?"
Zee:"yo...you want sex?" What type of a question is that?
Me:"no, i wanna make love to you" well maybe it was too soon, I then realized that maybe I had ruined the whole thing…she probably thought that all I wanted from her was sex and I’d been all romantic because I wanted sex in return…that thought crossed my mind and I regretted ever thinking about sex
Zee:"i can’t" believe you me....i was disappointed….and I was also scared that I ruined everything between us
Me:"uhm owk i....i guess its fine"
Zee:"the thing is....i haven’t like...you know...done it before and i can’t have my first in the car"
I almost chocked....what the hell did she say? Did she say something about not have done it before? Owk this was too much. I quickly got out of the car and put my hands on my hips and gave her my back....this can’t be happening...she can’t be a virgin...what am i gonna do with a virgin? Gosh that’s not what i wanted....if she hadn’t had sex....then how was she going to understand everything that’s happening in my life? She got out of the car and I turned around and looked at her
Me:"uhm i am so sorry...if i had known i wouldn’t have tried anything....you should have at least gave me a heads up" I was talking fast
Zee:"i can’t walk around telling everyone that i am a virgin...can i?"
Me:"i guess not...i am sorry" whatever future i thought i had with her, it was not gonn happen. I was not really in love with her and i was not sure if she was the one so I didn’t wanna be a heartless guy and take her Virginity knowing very well that we might not have a future together
Zee:" Its fine i guess" she smiled....seriously, i didn’t think there was anything to smile about
Me:"it’s quite late, i better get going....and i am still saying that i am sorry"
Zee:"it’s fine Thembu, i am still saying that it was the best date ever"
Me:"you deserved it....good night" I walked to her and gave her a hug and then kissed her. We stopped the kiss and she walked to her house and i looked at her until she walked in. I got inside my car and said bye-bye for good. I was never going out with that girl, last thing i needed was someone to be attached to me while i was not into them.
I don’t know how I was going to deal with Ziyanda because after finding out that she was a virgin I was now afraid to involve her in my life. I didn’t want to hurt or damage the poor girl…she deserved someone better and I wasn’t someone better. I was not planning on talking to her that evening but she sent me an sms
“I had a beautiful day today….if given the chance to re-live the moment, believe me I would. Thanks for such a beautiful introduction into your life….good night .P.S Thinking of you”
yohh this was going to be hard. I decided not to be rude and reply
“I had a great time too Zee, you are such a beautiful woman indeed and you deserve nothing less than what I showed you today…good night”
My reply was just neutral, it didn’t say much…well I didn’t want it to say much.
TSHILILO
So we were cuddling in my bed the following day when Ndivhuwo told me something. He told me that he had found his brother’s body but he didn’t register him as a dead person. Yep he didn’t report him to home affairs or have any death certificate…he buried him with his team yes but there was no certificate for that. His reason for doing that was that he didn’t want the world to know that his twin was dead. He didn’t want people to know that it was just him alone…so he wanted to keep everything stable as if there were still two of them. His other reason was that getting a death certificate would make his death seem final…he said that he was not ready for that yet. Well believe me when I say I didn’t even know what to say to him. It was a bit insane but hey people have different ways to cope with the pain of losing someone and this was his way. I really felt sorry for him though…he really felt like he was alone in this world.
THEMBULUWO
Four days later I still hadn’t said anything to that girl and she’d been quiet too. It’s funny how we had a beautiful date and none of us was speaking to one another. It was Thursday and I decided to go to the mall for some grocery. Yeah I ran into Ziyanda unexpectedly. She was on her work uniform
Me:”hi” that’s all I could manage to say
Zee:”hi”
Me:”long time huh?” she gave me a fake laugh.
Zee:”I really don’t have time for this Thembu…gotta go” she tried to walk away but I held her hand. She looked at my hand
Me:”what’s the rush? Can we do lunch now if you are not in a rush?” she snatched her hand
Zee:”do I look stupid? Am I dumb? We went on a date and you haven’t even called me since then and just because you happen to bump into me you think I am gonn jump at the opportunity for you to buy me some food? I know I stay in a shack Thembu but I aint starving so keep your lunch” she walked away. She just left me standing there feeling all confused. I ran after her
Me:”owk I get it, I understand why you are freaking out”
Zee:”really? You do? I don’t think you do…just because you are rich and you drive some expensive car you tend to think that you can do as you wish with us girls right?”
Me:”no of course not….i have just went through a divorce, I told you that and I got freaked out by the fact that you are….you know…a virgin…..like how do i….” she looked at me with her hands on her hips
Zee:”is that why you haven’t called?” she was shocked
Me:”well maybe, I am not sure where this relationship will take us but I definitely don’t wanna take your virginity and then lose interest tomorrow, I don’t wanna be foolish so I thought its better if I stay away” she looked on the floor
Zee:”so it’s not because you don’t like me?” what? How can she think that?
Me:”what? No of course not, I like you…like really like you but I also don’t wanna hurt you, I know I am capable of hurting you”
Zee:”so you want someone you can have sex with” I shrugged my shoulders and nodded
Zee:”I thought you just didn’t like me”
Me:”I like you….since that first day I saw you and tried to give you a lift…I have liked you since then and I am a man Zee, these things are crucial and I can’t force you into anything”
Zee:”but have you tried it out? Like have you tried to date someone you can’t just have sex with? Have you tried getting to know the person first….have fun with them without sex being part of any of it? I understand what you are saying Thembu, I won’t give up my virginity to just any guy but if you like me the way you say you do….then think about it….do you really need sex that much?”
Me:”uhm” yoh this child was really confusing me
Zee:”I gotta go, I have to start working in about 10 minutes…..you will be in touch but if you decide not to, it’s also fine” she bounced around and walked away.
I just stood there looking at her. Was sex really that important? Was she worth the wait? Maybe she was what I need in my life. A no sex relationship….can I clap it? It wouldn’t be that difficult can it? I wasn’t sure but it was something worth thinking about
I was chilling in my house alone when Xolani came and told me some good bad news. He was going to be a father…yeyyy that’s good news but Onndwela was going to be the mother of his child…well that was tragic. This was a disaster. Xolani and Zoleka were already planning their wedding and then Onndwela falls pregnant with his child. As much as Xolani was stressed about how Zoleka will take the news…he was happy that he was finally going to be a father. I know I was also an ass and divorced because I impregnated someone but I advised him to tell the truth before Onndwela walk around telling people about the news.
TSHILILO
Onndwela said she was coming to visit me for a weekend. Ndivhuwo left for his place and I went to pick my sister up from the airport. After that I drove home with her. There was something off about her. She looked pregnant. I am not too old but Onndwela was glowing and was a bit light-skinned...she had also gained a bit of weight as well. There could only be one explanation…pregnancy. We got home and I questioned her about it and she admitted it. I asked her who was responsible and she gave a killer answer shame. Xolani was responsible. I couldn’t believe what she said so i asked her which Xolani and she told me that Xolani Mudau was the father of her child. Yohh I got so pissed and shocked and disappointed in her. I don’t know what came over me but I forgot about her being pregnant and slapped her on the face. I felt like I was staring at Bonita. How could she do this to Zoleka? This was going to kill the poor girl. So I yelled at her and told her a piece of my mind. I later got too emotional and started crying. I went to my bedroom and locked the door and just sat there and cried alone. Why were men so cruel? How could Xolani do this to Zoli? After knowing this I started questioning Ndivhuwo…how legit was he? I walked out of the bedroom and asked Onndwela if Thembu knew about it and she said that he knew.
I drove to Thembu’s house in anger. I got there and knocked and he opened for me. He offered me a drink and I refused. I then approached him about Xolani and Onndwela
Thembu:” yah Xolani told me about it, it’s really messed up”
Me:”is it? As messed up as you and your boss lady huh?”
Thembu:” is that the reason why you came to my house?” he walked to the lounge and I followed him
Me:”you knew Thembuluwo, you knew that your brother was sleeping with my baby sister and you didn’t say anything….you didn’t even do anything…Onndwela is still young” I don’t know but I just lost it and started crying, damn this whole thing was too painful, every little pain I felt came back
Thembu:” Tshililo I tried owk? I only found out about it when it was already too late and I tried to talk to both of them to stop but I couldn’t have possibly undone what had already happened”
Me:”and why was I not told about it?”
Thembu:”you had a lot to worry about, you had just come back from the hospital”
Tshili:” do you have any idea what he had done? The pain he will cause Zoleka? A child is a child Thembu, he/she won’t just disappear, it will be a permanent reminder of what the person had done to you”
Thembu:”owk are we still talking about Xolani and Ndweli here? Or this is now about me and Bee? If it’s about me and Bee then I will ask you to kindly leave my house…you divorced me for it so I can’t have you rub it on me every time you feel like it Tshililo” Me:”I am here because I wanted to know why you didn’t tell me something this big”
Thembu:” I have already answered that plus I am not the one who slept with your sister….go ask Xolani about it or ask your damn sister and leave me out of it”
Me:”you are doing this on purpose aint you? You just want to hurt me right?”
Thembu:”what? Tshililo what the hell do you want from me? No man…just leave before you ruin my day…Ndivhuwo is there for you if you are stressed and need a hug you should go to him” I turned around and walked to the door but he ran after me and took my hand
Thembu:”sorry I am being harsh”
Me:”it’s fine” I tried to snatch my hand but his grip was tight
Thembu:” you lost the right to question me and be angry at me like this when you sign those papers Tshililo….i can’t allow myself to start carrying now and start getting involved in your stuff because it will only hurt me….let’s keep the distance….don’t ever come here unannounced” yohh this better be a dream shame. I walked out of the house with my tail between my legs.
I drove to Ndivhuwo’s place. I got there and cried in his arms and told him about my sister being pregnant and who the father was and what happened when I went to Thembu’s...i was not even taking a breath as I was telling him. He then kissed me to try and calm me down. After the kiss he put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me
Ndiv:” I know why you are upset and you just don’t want to admit it to me. What your sister did reminded you of what Bonita did to you and now every pain you felt is coming back…as for Thembu, you are sad because he chased you out of his house….you wanted him to apologise to you again for what he had done right?” huh? How did he know all this?
Me:"how do you know all that?"
Ndiv:" I just know" he looked at me and smiled
Ndiv:"so be fine please my love. I know it still hurt a little because of what he did to you but you are here with me now and one step at a time you’ll forget everything"
Me:" now you sound like someone who studied psychology"
Ndiv:"i am jack of all trades" we smiled
Zwi a Penga
Insert 79
XOLANI
After talking to his brother he decided to go home and tell Zoleka the truth about the pregnancy thing. Obviously Zoleka was not happy. In fact she was beyond pissed. She couldn’t handle the fact that her beloved fiancée was having a child with another woman so she left the house and drove off. Xolani got in another car and followed her. He was hardly focusing on the road…his only focus was on Zoleka’s car that was few cars away from his. He was driving after her when he passed through the red robots and collided with other cars.
THEMBULUWO
After Tshililo had left my house I decided to give this Ziyanda girl a chance. Maybe I didn’t need sex…all I wanted was someone to just love me. So I gave her a call for us to meet. I went to the mall because she said that she had just knocked off from work. We met at a restaurant and I told her what I felt. I told her that I liked her enough to want to try a no sex relationship with her. At first she didn’t believe me but I told her that all I wanted was someone to make me happy and she seemed like the right person. Well she was happy to hear that. We were still chilling like that when I received a call from Zoleka telling me that Xolani had been in a car accident and was in hospital. She told me the name of the hospital and I told her that I’ll be there shortly. After that call there was only one person I wanted to call and tell the news. I told Ziyanda that I had to go because my brother was in a car accident I then dialled my phone for Tshililo’s number and she picked up. I told her what had happened to Xolani and the hospital name and she told me that she’ll meet me at the hospital.
TSHILILO
After the call with Thembu I told Ndivhuwo what happened and that I wanted to leave for the hospital. He told me that he was driving me. I told him that he didn’t have to come because obviously it was going to be awkward with Thembu around but he told me that he was fine with ‘awkward’. I decided not to argue and let him drive me. We got to the hospital and I asked him to let me go inside alone. He tried to get me to let him come but I told him that this was a hard time and the last thing we both needed was more drama so he told me to contact him when I wanted leave. i said goodbye to him and walked inside the hospital.
I found Xolani and Zoleka at the waiting area. Thembuluwo walked to me as soon as he saw me. We hugged so tightly. He was crying and I cried too. He thanked me for coming and he apologized for the things he said earlier on when I was at his house…I said it was cool. I then went to Zoli and hugged her. She was crying and kept on blaming herself saying that he was following her when he got involved in the accident because she was pissed at him. I told her how sorry I was about what my sister did to her and she told me that it wasn’t my fault.
So I stayed at the waiting area with these two for a long time until the Doctor finally came to us. He told us that Xolani sustained few injuries but they had operated on him and he was fine. Thembu and I celebrated and shared a hug. After hugging Thembuluwo he bent down to me and kissed me…like what the hell? I pushed him away and he apologized. I don’t know if he kissed me by a mistake or what but I didn’t like it. I decided to leave the hospital right away. He tried to get me to stop but I told him that I only came because I was concerned about Xolani but now that he was fine there was no need for me to stick around. I told him that I’ll come check on Xolani later. I walked out of the building and asked Ndivhuwo to come pick me up.
He arrived and I told him that we had to drive to his place so that I could get my car…he told me not to worry and that I’ll use his Ferrari and he’ll take a cab to his place. I was shocked…so he trusted me enough to let me drive his baby? We drove to my place. We got there and got out of the car and he called a cab. I decided to tell him about the kiss. Ndivhuwo had eyes and ears everywhere so I didn’t want him finding out about some mistake kiss so it was better for me to tell him myself. So I told him how it happened and that Thembu kissed me by a mistake. He raised an eyebrow and went quiet…i waited for him to say something but he didn’t say anything
Me:”Ndivhuwo?”
Ndiv:”mhm”
Me:” say something”
Ndiv:” like what?”
Me:” Ndivhuwo you can’t go out there and kill him for just a kiss which was a mistake”
Ndiv:” who said I am killing anyone?” damn I couldn’t even read what he was thinking
Me:” but you are not saying anything nor giving anything away, what am I supposed to think?”
Ndiv:” Tshililo you said it yourself, it was a mistake right?”
Me:”yah”
Ndiv:” owk let me get going then” I looked at him as he walk away. He turned around and looked at me
Ndiv:” I don’t act without thinking Tshililo so I am not gonn ran around and kill Thembu because he kissed you…the big question here is did you wanted to kiss him? Do you still wanna kiss him?”
Me:” no, of course not…I was just shocked”
Ndiv:” I love you ok? I have told you before that I don’t play love games Tshili so don’t play me” this felt more like a warning
Me:” I would never do that”
Ndiv:” owk then”
I walked to my flat and found my sister watching TV. I decided to tell her about what happened to Xolani and that he was better. She wanted to go see him but I told her that she didn’t have that privilege. She was a side dish and therefore hospital visits were not her cup of tea. I couldn’t do that to Zoleka. She tried to fight me but I told her that my decision was final. She got pissed at me but I guess she was gonna have to live with it.
THEMBULUWO
After Tshililo left the hospital I regretted the kiss. I didn’t kiss her because I wanted to but it was just something that I was used to doing…I did it without thinking. I went to see my brother with Zoli and he was better but he was still sleeping so we couldn’t really chat. I left Zoli with him and drove to Thembalethu. I called Jay while I was on my way and informed him of what happened to Xolani. I got to Thembalethu and told my girl that I was waiting at a corner. She walked to me and asked about my brother, I told her that Xolani was better. I then asked her to come with me to my place. We drove to my place and damn the girl got the shock of her life when we got to my house. She was struggling to believe that someone who was in their 20s could own such a massive and fancy house.
Zee:” I think I wanna go home” she said while shaking her head and looking around the house.
Me:”what? Why?”
Zee:” all this? What do you really want from me? You can get any girl you want Thembu…you can get lot of girls but why me? Your life looks perfect, you have a car worth millions and you stay in a mansion…you are still young…what could you possibly want from me?” I looked at her and felt emotional
Me:”my life looks perfect? It’s not like that Zee, it’s sad and dark…all this money and good things means nothing to me anymore, I need someone like you because I am hoping that you will be able to give me something that I really want…something I don’t have…..i am hoping that you’ll love me and only me….that you’ll build me and make me into a better person…I want to love you and share my life with you, you look like the type that can fit into my world…I don’t mean the world of money and wealth, I mean the world of reality” she just looked at me and blinked
Zee:” so you are not trying to buy me?”
Me:”not at all…if I want sex I can get it now from the club but I want something more than just a good sex…I want a real thing and I want us to try it out” she looked at me and smiled
Zee:”ever since I met you…my head has been spinning. I kept asking myself what could you possibly want from me. I thought that maybe all you needed was sex but when I told you that I was a virgin and was not intending on losing it and you still stick around then I knew that you were a real deal….but it’s scary, you have all this money and I have nothing. How is that gonna work? How do you choose to be with someone like me?” I walked to her and held her by her hips
Me:” I’ve been running around a lot and believe me when I say that a rich or a broke woman is not what I am looking for…I am just looking for a woman, and you are that woman for me. I promise you Zee, I have a hole in my heart and if you let me let you fill it then I will never hurt you, I will forever be yours”
I realised while I was looking into her eyes that I meant every word I was saying to her…a woman of her kind was all I needed, a woman who would know no other man but me…a woman I would love and cherish and a woman to love me like ever before….Ziyanda was to be that woman, I could feel it
So I spent the afternoon with her in my house. We cooked together, ate, laughed and played together. I was still chilling with Ziyanda in my house when I received a call from Jay telling me to come to Svig’s house right away. I then told Ziyanda that I had some emergency to take care of. I took her to her place and then drove to Svig’s house.
I got there and found everyone already there, including Bonita. I asked to have a word with her in private. I tried to plead with her to stay away from this gangster s*** for a while but she just told me to f*** off and went back to the meeting. She then decided to tell everyone that I was the father to her unborn child. Yohh everyone’s jaw dropped…they were really shocked and cheered at me for having it with the boss. After all the cheering at me and shocking faces we then proceeded with the meeting.
Svig was not in a meeting because he was handling the same issue we were here for. So Bee and Jay told us that Gerome was back. Yep the guy we had a fight with few years back was now back at it again. He wanted the same thing he wanted years back…our territory. Apparently word got out that Ndivhuwo showed us flames and now everyone thought that they could just come and do the same thing that he did. So Jay told us that this was our chance to earn our respect and prove to everyone that we were still on the game. So Svig was making sure that he is taking all our families to a safe house…I didn’t have a family here so I was fine…as for Tshili, Ndivhuwo could take care of her. Everyone’s family was being kept at a safe house…we were avoiding to have our families used as a leverage. They have also managed to take Xolani from the hospital just to protect him…he was being kept here in Svig’s house and they had a Doctor taking care of him
Svig called us and told us that his contacts told him where Gerome and his guys were staying. We planned on going there and destroy everyone and keep Gerome alive for a life lesson. So we got our riffles ready…we were about to defend our honour and hopefully this was going to be the last one...we couldn’t have people disrespecting us like this…it was insulting. We left Svig’s house in two cars with our guns fully loaded. This was after Svig had given us the address of where Gerome guys were. We left the house and drove through the N2 to the N12...we were at the N12 when we realized that there were cars following us. We got to the circle just after the Police Station and took the York street…our cars were following each other and we were communicating using the radio receivers. Jay instructed everyone to get their guns ready. He then swerved his car to the left and our other car also followed. The street that we took turned out to be a dead end. We then switched off our cars and immediately started shooting at the cars driving to us. We were not giving them a chance…they also tried to shoot but damn bruhh we had some serious assault rifles with us. After few minutes they were all down. We didn’t waste time but drove out of there as quickly as possible because the Police were obviously on their way
TSHILILO
I was chilling with my sister when Ndivhuwo called me and ask me where I was, I told him I was in my flat
Ndiv:” owk I will be there in less than 15 minutes…Thembu and his gang are in a fight as we speak and I think they have an upper hand so the guys are looking for some leverage and that could be you…all their family members are hidden except for you” owkk God I started panicking…Thembuluwo was in danger
Me:”you know this how?” I started shaking
Ndiv:”my name is NDIV babe, you know better than to ask me that….stay put I will be there shortly” he dropped the call. I was telling my sister about what Ndivhuwo told me and how worried I was about Thembu when someone knocked on the door…wow that was quick, I thought. I went to open the door and I was greeted by a gun pointing at me. I was then taken to a car with my eyes blindfolded and the guys drove away with me. I was really scared. I had been through this type of s*** before but damn you don’t get used to being kidnapped and be used as a leverage….it’s always a scary moment each time it happens and you never know if you will make it out alive.
Ndivhuwo got to Tshililo’s flat and found her gone. He was beside himself and he was also scared for her but he kept his cool like he always do. So he took Onndwela and they walked out the parking. He got there and could feel that someone was inside his car so somebody tempered with his car. He then called one of his guys to come pick him up because he couldn’t risk driving the car. His guy came and picked him up and took him to his farm house where he kept Tshililo last time. He told Tshili’s sister to feel at home…he wanted her to stay safe and he knew that his house was the safest place to be. He then went to his computer room. He had to find her. He regretted not planting cameras in her flat, the reason why he didn’t do it was because he wanted to trust her and he didn’t want to look like he was spying on her…but the cameras would have been a great idea because at least he’ll be able to see who took her. He logged in to his hacking site and hacked into the security system of Tshililo’s complex. It was during days like this that he’ll miss his brother…Roli could do this s*** in less than a minute but for him it took several minutes. He worked on it for few minutes until he found their security camera. He checked the guys that took her and the car they were driving. With that info…he managed to check the car whereabouts using the traffic cameras system. He finally found their location
Zwi a Penga
Insert 70
THEMBULUWO
After the shootout episode we went back to Svig’s house and he called us to tell us to lay low. We were still talking and boosting about how great the whole shootout episode was when Jay’s phone rang. He was informed that Tshililo was taken and that the guys demanded a meeting with us or they’ll end her. S*** not her, not my w…I mean my son’s mother…this could kill my son. I talked to Jay to do something but he told me to relax and that they’ll fix it. Relaxing was the last thing I wanted to do. I won’t lie,I still loved Tshililo and the fact that she was now taken because of me sucked for real. I was once again putting her life at risk even though we were now apart. Jay called Svig and he said he’ll take care of it from his side.
NDIVHUWO
After finding their location Ndivhuwo gathered seven of his guys and they drove to the location in two cars. They got to the deserted house and entered and then they started shooting and the guys also started shooting back. Ndivhuwo disappeared and ran around the rooms looking for Tshililo. He found her laying lifelessly in one of the rooms with blood all over her…she looked like she’d been shot but he wasn’t sure, she was also unconscious.….he immediately started panicking. He quickly carried her and walked with her outside the room. He was walking down the stairs when somebody shot him on the leg and he lost his balance and fell and then rolled down the stairs with her. He could feel that he was hurt but he had to keep going in order to get Tshililo to hospital in time. He reached for a gun and started shooting too. The guys exchanged bullets for few seconds and then his guys had the upper hand and all the other guys disappeared from the room. Even though he was in serious pain he got up, carried her and forced himself to walk out to the car with her in his arms. He put her inside the car and sat there and growled in pain…his leg was painful…if only he could take out the bullet now…He took a piece of cloth from his car and wrap it around his leg and force himself to drive to the hospital.
THEMBULUWO
After what felt like ages Jay’s phone rang and after he answered it he said that he received a call from Svig saying that Ndivhuwo managed to free Tshililo. As much as Ndivhuwo was not my favourite person in the world, I was glad for what he did at this moment. We were also told that Tshililo was not in good shape when she was found and that she was then taken to the hospital. I told the guys that I was leaving for the hospital immediately, I had to be there for her…Tshililo was no longer my wife but I cared about her. They tried to stop me saying that it was not safe for me but my safety was not an issue right now…I had to be there for her. I left the house immediately and drove to the hospital.
I got to the hospital and waited. Ndivhuwo then appeared with his one leg bandaged and he was limping. He wasn’t happy to see me and i wasn’t happy to see him either. We got in an argument because he was asking me to leave the hospital and I wasn’t hearing any of it. We were busy fighting when the Doctor came and stopped us. He had his clip board with him and after greeting us we asked him how she was doing
Doc:” well her condition is very severe….i can’t treat her but we have a specialised Doctor coming in” Ndivhuwo and I looked at each other and then back at the Doctor
Me:”what do you mean?”
Doc:” she….well….there is no better way to say this…..she might not make it, I can’t risk operating on her because chances of her surviving are very slim so at least it’s better for someone who is more experienced to do the job and if they fail then you can’t sue the hospital” I looked at Ndivhuwo with his hands on his head
Me:”so….” I couldn’t say anything anymore
Doc:” she suffered serious injuries, she broke lot of bones….her spinal cord is not looking great either….her head also…uhm let’s just say that she is not looking great, it’s bad” Ndivhuwo looked at me and a tear fell off his eye and he wiped it off quickly
Ndiv:” this is all your damn fault” he said that and sat on the bench. I couldn’t say anything to him because he was right, if anything happens to her then it will all be on me.
I walked out of the hospital and knew that I needed to do something in order to cool off. I wanted to either do guns or have some hot steamy sex. I also wanted to see Zee but the problem is that I couldn’t make love to her so that was not an option. I called Jay and asked if I could join them because they went back for Gerome’s guys but he said that they were half way through the job so there was no need for me to come. I then decided to drive to Svig’s house where Xolani was being kept, I wanted to check on him. I rang the bell and Bonita opened for me. Yep she didn’t go with the rest of the guys because of the pregnancy. I started kissing her immediately…she started objecting but I knew exactly which buttons to press with her so she later gave in and we had some hot steamy sex. When we were done we cuddled. Later on the guys came back and found me and Bonita in the house. They told us that we managed to win again and Gerome was being delivered to Svig as we speak.
The following morning I woke up in the morning and went to check up on my brother Xolani. He was much better and we managed to have a chat a little. After that I went to Ziyanda and spent my afternoon with her. I was feeling kind of guilty about what I did with Bonita but I wasn’t about to confess and come clean to her…this girl was the type to leave you for this typa s***. I then went to the hospital to check on Tshililo.
Thank God Ndivhuwo wasn’t there when I arrived. I went to see Tshililo and she looked like she was sleeping. The Doctors had already operated on her. I sat on the chair and started apologizing to her. I apologized to her for everything I had done. After staying for a while I got up to leave but I stopped when I heard her say
Tshili:”did we fight?” I turned around and looked at her…so she heard everything I said? I wanted to run to her and give her a hug but I had to control myself
Me:” what are you talking about?”
Tshili:”for our marriage? Did we really fight? Or we gave up too easily?” she had a serious look on her face.
I thought about it. Did we really fight for our marriage? I thought about it. The first time she found out I was a gangster….she accepted and we moved on. There was Sharon and we also moved on from that. She fell pregnant and we got married…happy moment. There was Teressa…she tolerated that too. We almost lost TJ because I was trying to be Romeo to Sharon….she got angry and we got over it….she had been kidnapped more than I could count because of me…as for jumping the balcony and all the other stuff I won’t even begin talking about them….she spent 4 years in dry land and I kept her a prisoner in that four years because I was having her followed, she also became a single mother in that four years…she still stayed because she loved me. I came back from jail and within 6 month I made another woman pregnant…well not just any woman, my boss lady who also grew to be Tshililo’s friend, she trusted us to be friends and when she found out about us having sex? She got angry and shot the bitch but still she stayed…..oww and before Bee and her baby….Tshililo fell pregnant and we lost the baby to Ndivhuwo’s twin and then few weeks down the line she found out I was having a baby with another woman….she finally felt that she have had enough and wanted to leave me….but then I knew I was nothing without her and the painful truth was that I knew that the next man to have her would be lucky, so I got so angry and hit her and blamed her for the fact that I impregnated Bee. Damn it, thinking about all this made me feel like a damn animal.
What were her sins? What did she do to me? Well she attempted to date right after I got arrested and I put a stop to it because I had her followed. And then she started working with Ndivhuwo on my 4th year in jail. They dated but never slept together and I came back and they broke up….we had a huge fight about it, which resulted to me sleeping with Bee….and then one month into the divorce she started dating Ndivhuwo again. I blamed her for dating him because I am a man and men are just dogs sometimes. As much as I hate to say this….After everything I put her through, Ndivhuwo came and be the guy who took all the pain away while I drown my sorrows and cry……I SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT HARDER….she fought for me for years and I was supposed to at least fight for her this once but I gave up. The same way she fought when she was going through all the things I put her through, I think she just got tired of being the only one putting up a big fight while I sit and relax and say that Tshililo is a strong woman and she will cope. Marriage aint easy but it’s something that both parties need to fight for…not just one person because that one person that always fight will one day get tired and that will be the end. I learned this when it was already too late. I finally gave her an answer
Me:”I think you did….i should have fought harder but I am a man Tshili…my pride have let me down…I am sorry”
Tshili:”I almost died Thembu, I saw my life flashing right in front of my eyes….the moments I have spent with you….happy and sad ones…. I thought I was never going to see you and our son ever again….the thought of it scared me to death” she looked scared
Me:”you are a die-hard….just like the rest of us…you can’t die that easily” i smiled and she smiled back
Tshili:”I guess so”
Me:”if you don’t mind me asking, why did you ask me that question?”
Tshili:”because I woke up from the coma or whatever condition I was in with the same question”
Me:”ok…take some rest ok?” this was creepy enough and I didn’t want to stay longer
Tshili:” you too”
I walked out of that hospital and my heart was beating out of my chest. What the hell just happened? Nahh I think Tshililo was still in pain because of the accidents…she didn’t mean to ask me that and I should just forget about it.
After the visit I went back to my house. I hardly slept that night. I kept on thinking about what Tshililo said. I even had a dream about her and my son…we were back together and happy in the dream. We were at the beach having a family time. Dammit these dreams though. I felt that I missed her…not just her but I missed having her as my own. I’d been trying so damn hard to forget but I guess I was now back to square one.
TSHILILO
The following day the Doctors came and check me up. The injury I had on my head was better…they said that the swollen area was getting better…so were the bruises...i was not in so much pain anymore. The only problem was still my spinal cord…there was no going around that…they said it was damaged and that they were still figuring out how to work around it.
So I was alone in my hospital ward when Ndivhuwo and Thembuluwo suddenly walked in. I was shocked to see them both here. The Doctor came and told me that I am supposed to see one person at a time. Thembu and Ndivhuwo both looked at me expecting me to choose between them. I said Ndivhuwo can stay behind and I’ll see Thembuluwo later, Thembu walked out of the room looking all angry.
Ndiv:”hey love, how are you feeling?” he said sitting on the chair…he took my hand and kissed it
Me:” We need to talk”
Ndiv:”that doesn’t sound good” I breathed, damn I wished I didn’t have to do this, but I wanted to…..i didn’t want him to waste his time by coming here every day knowing that I was already feeling this way, I didn’t want it to look like I was using him
Me:”it’s not”
Ndiv:”uhm owk”
Me:”I almost died Ndivhuwo, I was really scared to die so I had done a lot of thinking and there has been some changes. Like this relationship…..i mean us…..Ndivhuwo I can’t anymore” the nigga looked at me and ran his hands on his face…he then got up and looked at me with his hands on his hips. He paced in the room without saying anything
Me:”I know what you might be thinking right now Ndivhuwo…I promised you things but almost dying made me realise that I was just too hurt and I thought I was ready to move on but I am not. I have been thinking about my family, me, him and our son. I am not saying I am going back to him or anything….but I want to free you and be honest with you because this won’t be fair on any of us” he stood with his back against the wall with his hands on his head. I knew I have hurt him so bad but I wanted him to say something because he was really scaring me
Ndiv:” what are you telling me exactly?”
Me:” I can’t be with you anymore Ndivhuwo, we are done” I waited for whatever reaction he was gonn give me but he didn’t move or say anything
Me:"Ndivhuwo say something" I said looking at him. He started sweating right away and I knew what was coming to me
Ndiv:"so you never loved me? It’s always been him right?" He roared. Yohh he was terrifying. Ndivhuwo was a dangerous man and what I just told him wasn’t some funny business
Me:"no no you got it all wrong Ndivhuwo"
Ndiv:"did i?" Tears started coming out of his eyes.
Ndiv:"i love you Tshililo you know i do...why are you doing this to me? Do you have any idea what pain i am feeling right now? Damn woman i thought you were one of a kind and you can be trusted"
Me:"i am sorry Ndivhuwo"
Ndiv:"you're sorry? I think you are still going to be sorry" he said that walking to me and I started crying right away, the look on his face was scary enough. He got to me and put his hands around my neck and chocked me.
I woke up in a cold sweat. I was so confused that I started looking around the room. I was still in the hospital bed and Ndivhuwo was sitting on the chair close to me. He looked mighty fine. Damn it was a dream....it was a dream. Thank God.
Ndiv:"babe how was your rest? You look confused"
Me:"me uhm...you? Eish" shame I was totally out of it. Of all the things i could dream about and I dreamt of me leaving him? Maybe it’s because Thembu came and we talked. I suddenly felt relieved that it was all a dream.
Ndiv:"bbe what’s wrong? Should I call the doctor?" see? That’s my Ndivhuwo right there, the caring Ndivhuwo
Me:"no its fine...it was just a bad dream” we sat there and smiled at each other and talked and laughed.
Well something had shifted within me but i was not going to leave Ndivhuwo for it. The guy loved me a lot....i made a mistake here and i was going to have to live with it. I loved the fact that he made me happy and that I was his first priority and that he respected me. My heart was still with Thembu, yes I was upset when I left him and I had always loved him but I knew what he was about. With Thembu it was all about endless heartache....Bee was still having that baby and I was also not sure if he’ll ever learn to be faithful to me. Sometimes in life we don’t need to be with the one we love the most because the one you love will hurt you so bad that you’ll go around shooting the side chicks like me…believe me, staying with someone who is not faithful is painful. As much as I was still in love with Thembu...i was never going to play desperate gangster wife to him. I had suffered enough with that guy and now that i was out....there was no going back.
Ndiv:"so I was talking to your Doctor" he said while we were still chilling
Me:"what did he say?" he looked at me and breathed
Ndiv:" let’s just say it might take a while for you to recover and I have an idea"
Me:"ow?"
Ndiv:"i wanna take you to France" I looked at him with my eyes wide open...what the hell? I was in a hospital bed people
Me:"but I am still in a bad condition my love"
Ndiv:"yah i know....there are Doctors and medications on that side that can make you heal faster, you can get the best medical attention money can buy bbe...i don’t trust the Doctors over here"
Me:"no Ndivhu bbe i know you are trying to help bu-"
Ndiv:"but nothing....you didn’t hear what the doctors said but i did and i wanna do something about it" owk I was now terrified...was my injuries that bad?
Me:"ok what did they say?"
Ndiv:"you don’t want to know"
Me:"it’s my body Ndivhuwo and i sure as hell want to know what’s wrong with it" he looked at me for a while.
Ndiv:" your spinal cord is seriously fractured my love…we are talking about the possibilities of not waling again here…but if I take you to France…I mean i know doctors who deals with these type of things...they will help you…you can ask for the Doctor’s report and watch for yourself…its really bad Tshili” I looked at him and I couldn’t help the tears. So I might not walk again? I broke down for real. Why didn’t they tell me? Where they waiting for the right moment? Ndivhuwo got up and came to me and gave me a hug
Ndiv:"don’t worry Tshili babe, i will fix it....that’s why we need to go to France" I looked at him and couldn’t object. I needed to get well.
Me:"let’s do it then...i really need to get well Ndivhu”
Ndiv:"i know bbe" he said wiping off my tears
Ndiv:"and i have something that will surely make you happy" I looked at him and he smiled at me and kissed me on the chick
Ndiv:"i love you and I will see you later”
Me:" you’re leaving?"
Ndiv:"yep... my surprise is much better than me being here” he walked out and left me looking all confused. Few seconds later my son, mom and sister walked in....damn, I wanted to kiss Ndivhuwo for this.
So I spent the whole day with my family. It was the best day of my life. I told them about leaving for France…they freaked out but when I told them my reason for leaving they all understood. My mom wasn’t too happy about me and Ndivhuwo, she was still hoping that I’ll work things out with Thembu. I didn’t even entertain her on that issue. Thembu also came to the hospital and everyone was jolly. I told him about France too…even though he wasn’t happy about me leaving; he was glad that I was going to get better medical attention. I don’t know what Ndivhuwo did but I was allowed to stay with my visitors for the whole day.
Lord a man like ndivhuwo 🙏amen
ReplyDeleteLord a man like ndivhuwo 🙏amen
ReplyDelete🕯🕯🕯 indoda efana no Ndivhuwo
ReplyDelete