Zwi a Penga
Insert 6
Xolani was eating when I got to my room. I just lay on the bed and not talk to him
X:"Thembu" he said to me as soon as he finished eating
Me:"yeahh"
X:"you need to forget this chick mfana, you really need to"
Me:"I will need something very strong in order to do that" he reached inside his jean pocket and took out a tiny transparent plastic bag and put it on the table. It had green contents inside that looked more like dried leaves…is this…uhm is this weed?
X:"you said you wanted something strong, this is a bit strong but I think it will do for now"
Me:"you want me to smoke that?"
X:"yeahhh or I can give you a line, something that is even better" a line? People I was confused…what line is he talking about?
Me:"you've lost me, what line are you talking about now?" he reached out of his pocket again and took out another tiny transparent plastic bag that had white powder contents…yohh I was horrified
Me:" what the hell X…are you on drugs?"
X:"no man stop being a stupid ass I am a dealer and this is me trying to help a friend who is heartbroken…your choice" he took those two plastic bags and put them on my pillow. The thought of myself taking drugs terrified me, I mean who wants to be a junkie?”
Me:"eish X"
X:"its fine Thembu I was just trying to help you forget about the pain because believe me bro, you look terrible"
Me:"uhm" I sat there and thought about it. I will just do it once right? Like a once off thing…it’s not like you become a junkie just by taking one line do you? No no no why am I even thinking about this? But then again…Xolani said they could help me forget, help me forget the year I wasted on that girl and how much I loved her. I wanted that, to forget about her even if it was just for a day. I sat there and looked at the plastic bags.
I sat up on the bed still looking at those plastic bags…I scratched my head in confusion. I thought about Tshililo and how this may make her feel. She’d be devastated shame, she cared about me a lot. Even though Sibu didn’t care about me, there was one person who did and who always had. Tshililo cared and maybe I should consider her before throwing my life away. I took the decision not to take any of the two…I mean I knew that the possibility was that once I start there was no going back so I didn’t even want to start.
Me:"nahh I will be fine X and thanks for trying to help" it all started to make sense in my head. I now understood why Xolani had so much money, why he had a car and money to throw around. He was dealing drugs that’s why. So he wasn’t some rich kid huh?
X:"Thembu are you sure?"
Me:"positive" I was sure about my decision, yes Sibu hurt me but then life had to move on and I couldn’t destroy my life because of her. I had to start planning ahead and try to catch up on the school work
X:"if you are ever in need just tell me and I will be happy to help"
Me:"so you have been selling drugs this whole time?"
X:"uhm yeah and this is not a public knowledge so you don't go around telling people about it"
Me:" my lips are sealed, but why though?"
X:"I need cash Thembu it’s not like I am just doing this to show off but my family need the money and I need money for education too and selling drugs is all i could do in order to achieve all that"
Me:"but X you could have just got a piece job or something"
X:"you have no idea what you are talking about my bruh, try job hunting without a qualification and then we will talk"
Me:"sorry if it sounds like I am judging it’s just that I am just taken aback"
X:"yeahh you have no idea what you are talking about, I can tell you that much"
Me:"sorry my man"
X:"its fine"
Me:"let me go out a bit, I need some sir"
X:"sure ntwana"
I walked out of the room. I felt that I needed to talk to someone, the thought that I was actually considering taking drugs scared the shit out of me, what the hell was I thinking? The thought that X was selling drugs also shook me up. I needed someone to talk to and no matter how an ass I could be, Tshililo was the only person who was not going to judge me, she never judges me. I walked to her room although I was feeling ashamed about what happened few hours ago but hey I had to swallow my pride and talk to this girl.
I knocked at the door and Sihle opened. She looked like she was sleeping and that’s when I realised that it was late. I asked to speak to Tshililo in private. Tshili was already in bed and was irritated when she was told that I am at the door asking for her but thankfully she did woke up. So we stood outside their room in the passage.
Tshili:” so, what can I do this time around?"
Me:" I want to apologise for what I did earlier today…I have no idea what’s happening with me but that was very stupid so I am sorry"
Tshili:"ok"
Me:" and I also want to thank you”
Tshili:"for?"
Me:"your support. No matter how stupid I get at times you are always there for me and supports me at every turn…you don’t judge me but rather just offer me your friendly support. You are a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart Tshililo…don’t change”
Tshili:"wooow I thought you never noticed" she was now smiling
Me:"are you serious? How can I not notice?" I was smiling now and I was feeling a little bit relieved now that I had apologised to her
Tshili:"it’s late and I am getting tired of standing out here…I wanna sleep"
Me:"uhm we can sit down then"
Tshili:" I am trying to tell you that I want to go back to sleep Thembu" she was smiling
Me:" five more minutes with you is all I am asking"
Tshili:"5 minutes" so we sat there with our backs on the door.
Me:" after leaving here I almost did something very stupid"
Tshili:"what could be more stupid than dating a married woman…well let’s hear it"
Me:" I was stressed out when I left here so Xolani offered me something to ease the pain. You’ll never guess what he offered me”
Tshili:” what?”
Me:" drugs and weed" she raised an eyebrow
Tshili:" No Thembu you are lying", she looked really shocked and scared
Me:" I am telling you the truth"
Tshili:"please tell me you didn’t take any of them" she couldn’t even look at me
Me:" I didn’t but what scared me is that I actually considered it, I wanted to take one of the two…" she leaned over to me and hugged me
Tshili:" what’s important is that you didn’t and I am proud of you"
Me:" I only had one reason to stop…one thing that made me not to do it"
Tshili:"what’s that?"
Me:"you"
Tshili:"me?" she looked surprised
Me:"yeahh you believe in me and you support me, I didn’t want to disappoint you"
Tshili:"ow" we broke the hug and looked into each other’s eyes
Me:" thank you for being my friend and for all this support"
Tshili:"I am not really doing much though"
Me:"believe me you are"
Tshili:"thanks, so X is on drugs?"
Me:"no he said he is a dealer"
Tshili:" wow and you are all relaxed about the fact that you are staying with a dealer?” Me:"Tshili I can’t judge him because of what he does for a living plus he said he has good reasons why he is doing it"
Tshili:"they all say that, I don’t know but I just don’t like him anymore, I wonder if Sihle knows about it” Sihle and Xolani had a thing going on or should I say they were dating
Me:" don’t say anything to her please…this is not our secret to tell”
So I sat there with Tshili talking for a very long time. I left for my room at about 1 in the morning.
The following morning I woke up and found Xolani on his phone typing. He was still in his bed
X:"hey how are you feeling?" he was not looking at me
Me:"much better"
X:"that’s great then, it means you won't need my help then?"
Me:"nope thanks"
X:"I know that you don't understand why I am doing it and you actually think that it is very wrong for me to do it"
Me:"nahh its fine Xolani you have your reasons" I was up and getting dressed.
X:"my dad left us when I was young, I am a first born, have two little sisters, the eldest is 16 and the last born is 10. My mom was not working, I had to go to school and I tried looking for a job but I never had luck, I dropped out of school for a year marketing but I didn't get anything. Until I met this guy who offered me a job to be a dealer, I was sceptical and scared at first but I thought about the situation at home, I had to change it and I had to continue with school and selling drugs is giving me all that, it’s giving me the opportunity to take care of my family while I finish my studies"
If I say this didn’t come as a shock I will be lying. All this time I’ve seen Xolani as some spoilt cheese boy but looking at him now I was seeing someone who have had his fair share of struggles. Selling drugs was wrong and maybe no excuse can excuse such act but I kinda understood why Xolani did it.
Me:"uhm X I had no idea"
X:"yeah things are tough out there Thembu and as soon as I get a proper high paying job I can quit being a dealer but for now I have to do it”
Me:"yeahh I get you, so how is your family?"
X:"they are fine now… I managed to buy my mom a house in the suburb, I bought her a car and my sisters are attending private schools, I have money saved up, have businesses so yeah I think everything is fine"
Me:"I never thought I'd say this to someone who sell drugs for a living but I am proud of you my man, for doing something meaningful with the money and not just spend it on booze and girls"
X:"sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do"
Me:"yeah such is life hey"
So the following morning I was in the mood for my classes…i knew that I had to pick myself up and move on. I attended my two classes and after that I offered to take Tshililo out for lunch. Yeah she was happy to eat out for free. So we took a taxi all the way to the mall. We then went to Spur for some meal. I was happy with Tshililo, she was a good friend. After lunch we went to the cinema and watched one movie after that we went back to the campus. We decided to just chill and not go back to our rooms…it was a bit late and was dark already. We went under a tree and just lay there looking up in the sky. Everything was good and fun until she brought up another topic
Tshili:"I want to tell you something"
Me:”uhm ok"
Tshili:"I lied about having a boyfriend, I have a long term boyfriend" ok I was shocked and mostly I was a hurt…I didn’t understand why it hurt me though
Me:"long term…what do you mean by that?"
Tshili:"we’ve been together for four years" wooow such a long time
Me:"and why did you keep this a secret?"
Tshili:"the thing is I don't love him anymore, well I am not into him the way I used to but I don’t have much of a choice because if I dump him then he’ll take everything that’s his and that include all this…my varsity fees and everything that comes with it….it’s all him”
Me:"Tshili there has to be something else you can do you can’t stay with someone you don’t love”
Tshili:" I don’t have a choice Thembu, that guy is a real monster and my mom is too blind to see it because he helps out at home too”
Me:"but can’t you apply for a bursary or something?"
Tshili:"but he will take everything he owns Thembu, and I don't really own anything at the moment, it’s all him, even at home he supports us financially"
Me:"eish" I knew for a fact that Tshililo didn’t deserve someone like that.
Tshili:"so I guess I am stuck with him" she said that and let out a tear
Me:"sorry Tshili"
Tshili:"the worst part is that he beat me up Thembu…staying with him is no problem I can do that…it’s the beating that I can’t stand"
Me:"he does what?" there is nothing that I hate more than beating up a woman...i grew up witnessing such behaviour and believe me it made me sick to my stomach. I made a promise to myself that whatever happens I will never lay my hand on a woman.
Tshili:"you heard me"
Me:"huh uh Tshili you should leave him, he is not worth it at all"
Tshili:" but then what?"
Me:"I am sure we can figure out something"
Tshili:"we?"
Me:"well yeah I want to help you"
Tshili:"you can't really help Thembu, I can only be able to leave him once I am financially stable, at least I would be able to take care of myself then”
Me:” so you mean to tell me that this guy still has two more years to abuse you? It’s not even guaranteed that you’ll get a job right after getting your diploma”
Tshili:" please Thembu don't make me regret ever telling you"
Me:" Tshili washu"
Tshili:"seriously now, forget that I said anything"
Me:"how can I mara?"
Tshili:"just try"
So few days passed and turned into weeks and before we knew it, it was Easter holidays and the school was closing for few days. I was obviously going home for Easter, in fact all of my friends were leaving. I booked the same bus with Tshililo and we were leaving on Friday late afternoon as Friday was the last day of school. Xolani was to leave the following day. So X drove me and Tshililo to Sasol garage where we were taking a bus to Joburg and from there we would take the one to Thohoyandou. We said goodbye to Xolani and boarded the bus. We left round at about four in the afternoon and we were to arrive in Joburg the following morning round at about 9 in the morning so we were spending the whole night in a bus. My mom was excited to see me, my siblings too…sorry I can’t say the same about my dad, me and him didn’t talk much.
Every second of every minute that I was spending with Tshililo was developing into something magical. I’ve been feeling like this for a while now. The more I spent time with her the more I wished she could be mine. It was around 11 at night and Tshililo was fast asleep right next to me while we were in the bus. I kept on looking outside the window as we pass town after town. I looked at Tshililo and just melted into a smile. I was feeling something that I couldn’t even explain. I was tempted to kiss her, looking at her lips I wanted to kiss them so bad. I know I have kissed her before but that meant nothing because I didn’t love her as much as I do now…wait a minute, did I just say as much as I love her now? Was this love? Was I in love with Tshililo? Just hold on a minute…before I get carried away…what is love kanene? Well love is what I had with Sibu…I mean maybe I can even say that with Sibu I was a little obsessed and I also loved the physical beauty and how we made love endlessly. Tshililo was no model but damn the girl was good looking…her looks were enough for the kind of woman I wanted. I made a promise to myself at that moment that I will do everything in my power to free Tshililo from that boyfriend of hers. We arrived at Pretoria at around 10 in the morning. We went to the taxi rank because we were not going to get any buses at that time. We got in two different taxis because I was going to Thohoyandou while she was going to Louis Trichardt.
So, when I got home I was excited as I always am every time I go back home. My childhood friend Khathu was obviously waiting for me in town. Damn we were excited to see each other. We went home and we went straight to my place where my mom and my siblings were all over me…they were happy to see me. So I gave them an hour with me and then Khathu and I left. Duhhh I had to go see what was happening in the village wethu, what my boys had been up to while I was gone. I needed an update on which chick is hot and which one is not…I was now single anyway. Yeah yeah there was Tshili but she was not mine to have…at least not yet because she still had a boyfriend. So I went to a car wash were a group of boys usually just chill and talk and drink and just try to have fun. Its good coming back home from Western Cape bruh, everyone kinda assume that you are loaded and they tend to forget that you are just a student. They tend to give you the respect that you know you don’t even deserve. Tshililo gave me a call while I was still chilling with the boys informing me that she got home safely.
Zwi a Penga
Insert 7
On Sunday I went to church with my mom and siblings, dad was not a church person. After church I spent the afternoon with Khathu and the boys. I even managed to score myself a girl. Yep her name was Sharon and was doing Grade 11 at school…well she was just my size. She was nothing compared to Sibu or Tshililo when it comes to looks but she was descent enough. I tried calling Tshililo because I was forever thinking about her but it seemed like her abusive boyfriend was all over her because she dropped a call on me. It was late in the evening and I was still chilling with the boys when I received a call from my sister…she didn’t greet me or anything, she just told me that mom and dad were fighting again. Damn it I left immediately and ran all the way home.
I got home and I could hear my parents making noise in the bedroom. I asked my sister what is going on and she just told me that dad came back home drank and the fight had something to do with my varsity money that dad wanted mom to give him. I asked my siblings to stay outside the house and I walked in straight to their bedroom. I could hear the noise coming from the bedroom even before I could get there. I heard my dad insulting and swearing at my mom, the words that were coming out of his mouth were painful to the ears of his son. I tried to open the door but it was locked, damn it! My heart was now beating out of my chest, I could hear my mom wailing…s*** one of these days this man was going to kill my mom. I also heard my mom begging him for forgiveness in between her wails and him insulting her even more and beating her with an object that was making enough sound for me to hear.
I knew that I had to make a plan to get in there. I walked out of the house and went to their bedroom window…I had no choice but to break the window. I found a wooden pole and I smashed the window and it broke. I hid by the corner where it was dark. I saw my dad walking to the window but he couldn’t see anyone. He then walked to the door and that’s when I ran back to the house. I was enraged, I couldn’t believe that even at 20 I was still witnessing this.
I met up with my dad right in the kitchen
Dad:” did you see anyone outside? Someone broke the window” the nerve that this man had though. i was too angry to even talk to him. I don’t know what came over me but I took a pot that was on the stove and I poured whatever that was in there on his face…he was just lucky because the contents were not hot. He was still looking around trying to make sense of what was happening when I grabbed him by his leg and he fell on his back. I took the pan and smashed it against his head. I threw it away and then threw punches at him…I was angry. I wanted him to die; I honestly wanted him to be out of our lives forever. I looked up and saw my sister and my brother standing there
Me:” go to the bedroom…now”
Thendo:”Thembu?” he was shocked
Me:” I said bedroom…now” they walked away as fast as they could.
I felt bad for shouting on my siblings, they get enough of that from my dad already, I didn’t want to be like dad too. I looked at my father and his face was now full of blood but I still wanted to beat him up…I wanted to beat him up for all the pain he caused us all those years. I was about to throw another fist at him when my mother walked in…she was shocked
Mom:” Thembuluwo?” she looked horrible, her face was swollen and her mouth was just big. She had blood on her clothes and I looked at her bleeding face and just couldn’t bare it. I stood up and started kicking this man that was a total monster in our lives…for so long we had been his victim, I wanted him to suffer the same pain that my mom suffered all those years…I wanted him to pay for the emotional damage that he caused us all.
Mom:” Thembuluwo stop” I pretended like I didn’t hear her
Mom:” Thembuluwo please don’t be like him” she said that and broke into a heart-breaking cry. I felt my heart breaking at the thought of me being a copy of my father…I looked at my dad and what I had done to him and cried. I felt like I was already like him…look at what I have done? Who does this to their own father? Their own parent? I didn’t want to believe it though, I didn’t want to believe that I was a monster.
I couldn’t believe that I was the one who did that to my dad. I felt fear creeping in, I was scared, what if I turn out to be just like him? The thought of it scared me to death
Me:”mom” I looked at her and then at my dad and I couldn’t stop the tears
Me:” I am just like him” I said that and walked to my room.
I closed the door and locked. What happened to me? Why did I do what I did? I have witnessed abuse for too long and I have always hated my dad for it maybe that’s why I did what I did. My head was spinning…it was not just about my dad abusing my mom anymore…it was about that plus the fact that I might be the same monster that I had grown to hate since I was a kid. I needed something to help me forget this. I was unable to deal with it.
I took out my phone and called that kid Sharon. I told her that I was coming to pick her up from her place and the girl didn’t even give me a hard time, she told me that I should call when I am two houses from hers. I then called my friend Khathu and told him that I was coming over. I got to his place and asked him if I could use his room for the night. Unlike my house, Khathu had a separate room from the main big house…his parents and his sisters both had rooms in the big house while he had his separate one room on the side. He loved that because at least he had some privacy. Well I didn’t have that privilege…in fact I was still sharing a bedroom with my little brother, my sister was the one who got the privilege to have her own room because she was the only girl at home. Yep we had a simple five room house…three bedroom and a kitchen and then a sitting room…believe me it was not fancy, far from being fancy. Khathu agreed to let me use it and he handed me the keys. I then asked him to take me to a nearest tavern where I wanted some alcohol to help destruct me more. Khathu was shocked to hear me wanting to drink…I never drank alcohol at home. Anyway we went to the tavern and I got myself some beers, I didn’t even waste time…I drank them immediately and then walked to Sharon’s place all by myself. Khathu said he was not going with me. I get why he didn’t want to…I mean it was obvious what I wanted to do with the girl.
I called when I was close to her house and she walked out
Me:” thanks for coming” I said as soon as she got to me
Sharon:” it’s not a problem” so I walked with her to Khathu’s place.
We were all over each other. We kept on kissing and giggling as we walk. You’d swear I met her a year ago but I had only known her for a day. We got to the house and I didn’t even waste any more minute before I started kissing her. I took off her clothes as quickly as I could…all I wanted was sex, all I wanted was to sweat on top of someone, to let off some steam and poor Sharon was there as my victim. I played with her some more….i then took out a condom and wore it and get down to the real business. I was busy shagging her when it all came flooding back. All the memories of what my dad had done…all those terrifying nights and all the wailing and crying of my mother, it all came back.
Sharon:” Thembu…ndi a mufuna (I love you)” say what? She what? ow no love is not what I wanted or expected from her. I looked at her and realised that maybe she loved what I was doing to her not me as in really love me so I decided that why ruin the moment
Me:” I love you too” I said that and continued. Ok here is the problem…I couldn’t come…I could feel it in me that I wasn’t about to. So I let my thoughts travel back to the steamy sex I used to have with Sibu and just like that I came. I trembled and let myself shudder as I came. I lay on my back with Sharon laying her head on my chest
Me:” I love you” who was I kidding, I didn’t love the girl but hey what do you say after this? I was kinda feeling guilty about the fact that I actually had to think about Sibu
Sharon:"I love you too"
My phone rang at that moment. I got up and took it out of my pocket, I checked the caller ID and it was Tshililo. I quickly wore my jean and walked out of the room
Me:"hello" she was crying
Me:"Tshililo....Tshili"
Tshili:"mhm”
Me:"Tshililo what’s wrong?"
Tshili:"Thembu...I…I"
Me:"Tshili what’s going on?" I was now panicking…I wondered why Tshililo would call me crying
Tshili:"Themb-" she broke down into a heart-breaking cry and I felt my head pounding. What was wrong with this day? Was this September 11th? Or Friday the 13th? I mean why would all this happen in one day?
Me:"Tshili talk to me please please"
Tshili:"I don’t know what to do or who to talk to"
Me:"you can always talk to me"
Tshili:” I am tired Thembu...."
Me:"what happened?"
Tshili:"its...its Luvhengo...h...he beat me up", eish damn it, what is wrong with men?
Me:"Eish Tshili"
Tshili:"th…that’s not all"
Me:"what else did he do?" I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, I was not even sure if I wanted to hear more.
Tshili:"h…he…he forced himself one me" she said that and continued crying. I felt the air quickly leave my body and the blood in my veins clot…like everything just stood still.
Me:"Tshili...wh…what d…did you say?" she just cried. I felt a tear falling. I paced up and down not knowing what to do.
Me:"where is he now?"
Tshili:"I don’t know, he left me in the house"
Me:"Tshililo please go to the police station and report this man please"
Tshili:" but I am dating him they…they won’t believe me when I say he forced himself on me”
Me:" you obviously have bruises right now so that would be proof enough, please do this for yourself"
Tshili:"eish Thembu"
Me:"Tshili I am begging you"
Tshili:" I am afraid of him…he is too powerful and he can destroy me”
Me:" but he is destroying you still"
Tshili:" this is nothing compared to what he can do to me if I report him"
Me:"mara Tshili washu"
Tshili:" I will see if I can make a plan as time goes" as time goes? Is she kidding me? I thought to myself suddenly feeling all upset again
Me:"nahh I will make a plan now" I grumbled
Tshili:" no no no Thembuluwo, I am only talking to you because I needed someone to talk to”
Me:"but Tshili I can't sit around and not do anything, drop this call and I will call you in five minutes”
Tshili:"but Thembu"
Me:"drop the phone please",
Tshili:"Thembu d-"I dropped the call before she could say anything else. I checked my bank balance and I only had like R1000…damn this was not enough. I dialled Xolani immediately.
X:"Thembu"
Me:"hey X I need your help"
X:"you sound serious, what’s the problem?"
Me:"eish X everything is bad hey, I need some money"
X:"that’s not a problem, how much do you want?"
Me:"uhm 2k, I will give you when I come back"
X:"are you sure that’s all you want?"
Me:"uhm I think so"
X:"Thembu you sound like you have a serious problem, I don't mind helping you hey, any amount you need, I am your boy"
Me:"thanks hey"
X:"and one more thing, if you ever need a piece job, let me know, we have a vacancy available at my firm, we are looking for a new person"
Me:"nahh thanks I will pass"
X:"if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me"
Me:"sure but I don't think I will change my mind hey"
X:"sure thing mfana, I will transfer you the money now"
Me:"thanks"
After the call I immediately thought about the offer that Xolani made. If I take the job a lot can change. Imagine me living like Xolani and have all the money that he has. I can be able to take care of my mom and my siblings and we wouldn’t have to rely on my dad for anything. The offer was tempting, but no man that was not for me. Selling drugs was not for faint hearted so I guess I was going to pass. I was still thinking like that when a money transfer message came through. Xolani had sent me the 2k I asked for. I then called Tshililo immediately. I told her I was coming to pick her up but she didn’t want me to. I told her that I wasn’t taking no for an answer. I dropped the call and called Gezile who was also my homeboy. I asked to borrow his car…he was not budging but I actually had to beg for him to finally agree. With the car and money, nothing was stopping me from picking Tshililo up. I finally remembered that I was with Sharon...i walked back to the room. I told Sharon that I had a family crisis to deal with so I had to leave immediately, she didn’t look too happy but I guess there was nothing she could do. I called Khathu and told him I was leaving, he was wondering why but I just told him that something came up. So I took Sharon home and then got the car from Gezile.
I left for Nzhelele right away. I was not sure where Tshikombani was exactly because that’s where she stayed but she gave me directions. The time was now about mid night. I drove to her place a bit slowly, I was not really a good driver and I didn’t want to risk an accident with someone’s car. I finally got to the place where Tshililo directed me. She was standing at a corner when I got there. I smiled and took a sigh of relief. She was holding a handbag on her hand. I got out of the car and gave her one long hug. She started sobbing while she was in my arms
Me:"Tshili its owk now, I am here"
Tshili:"Thembu" she was still crying
Me:"shhhh don't cry please, everything is going to be fine, I will make sure of that"
Tshili:"I am scared" she whispered
Me:"I know that but I will protect you…come…lets go" we got inside the car and I drove off
Zwi a Penga
Insert 8
Tshili:"where are we going?" she said in a very low voice
Me:"police station"
Tshili:"what?"
Me:"yeah you are going to report him Tshili"
Thembu:"no Thembu I can’t do that"
Me:"Tshililo it will be fine, I will be right by your side"
Tshili:"Please Thembuluwo I can’t do it, please don’t force me to do this” she looked really scared. I parked the car at the side of the road
Me:"Tshili?"
Tshili:” I can’t get him arrested Thembu he will kill me…he will kill us both…oww my God why am I even here?” she continued crying. I sat there and just looked at her feeling all confused, I mean she didn’t want to go to the police station and I was obviously not going to force her to do it. The other thing that really worried me was that this boyfriend of hers seemed like a dangerous guy, if he was to find me with her what was I going to do? Was I going to fight him? Funny how i never thought of that before trying to be a little hero
Me:"ok I will make a plan, you are safe with me" here is the thing, I didn’t have any plan on me, in fact I didn’t even know how I was going to help her but I had to try and give her some hope to make her strong.
Tshili:" just take me back, he will kill me”
Me:” you are not going to be his victim forever Tshili…he’d rather kill us both but I am not letting you go back to him…not if I can help it”
Tshili:” I don’t want to cause any trouble for you Thembu” she was wiping off her tears
Me:” you are not holding a gun to my head are you? I am doing this myself…so stop worrying about me and just be glad that you have someone like me in your life”
Tshili:” thanks”
Me:” so, can we go now?”
Sthili:” but not to the police station”
Me:” no police station”
Tshili:”ok” I drove off to Thohoyandou.
So we got to Thohoyandou and I booked her into a cheap lodge, not that she was cheap herself but it’s what I could afford. I had no idea what was going to happen next but I just knew that she was going to be safe here. We went inside the room I booked after I got the keys and I got the shock of my life when I switched on the light and looked at her. She was in the car when I did the booking so I never got the chance to really look at her face. She was bruised and looked….she looked bad.
Tshili:” what’s wrong?” damn I was staring at her and I was lost of words…I wished I could find that Luvhengo guy and teach him one important lesson, the same lesson I taught my dad.
Tshili:”Thembu?”
Me:"did he do this to you?" she looked down
Tshili:"yahh" I put my hands on my hips and looked away. I wished I knew where this bustard stayed. Tears started flowing from her eyes
Me:” don’t cry please…come here” I hugged her…to my surprise tears started coming out from my eyes too.
I needed this hug as much as she did; you know sometimes you just want to be close to someone you know cares about you. The feeling of love and care in their heart makes you feel better and Tshili made me feel at peace, I felt free while I was with her, like I could share my deepest thoughts, I could share all my pain and then cry in front of her because she had that special effect on me. They say there is always that one girl in every guy's life whom he share his dark deepest pain with and I guess for me Tshililo was that girl. She started crying loudly, and just like that I started sobbing. I was not even sure which direction my life was taking anymore. I mean where do I go from here? I was in no position to tell my mom to get my dad arrested because I could also get arrested for what I did to him. And then Tshililo didn’t even want to face the Police. My family needed financial help in order to part ways with my dad and then Tshililo also needed money to leave Luvhengo. I could feel my head spinning, this was all beyond me, this was beyond my capabilities. With what I did to my father I doubted that he was going to give me money to go back to school. After a very long time we broke the hug. Tshililo went to the shower right away and she left me sitting on the bed. I checked the time and it was just before five in the morning…wow so I didn’t sleep huh.
I don’t know what happened after that but I woke up only to find out that I didn’t have my t shirt on or my jeans for that matter. So Tshililo took my clothes off? I was only left with my boxers. I looked close to me and she was still fast asleep. I took out my phone and called my mom. I knew she was going to be worried sick because I didn’t come back home. Well yep she yelled at me for not coming back home and I just sat there and listened. When I was sure that she have said everything she wanted to say I told her that a friend of mine was in trouble and needed my help so I was just helping out. She even told me that my aunt called saying that she was coming. That could only mean that my dad told her everything that’s happened. I then called Gezile to come pick his car up. I was thankful to his services so when he came I gave him few Rands just to thank him. After that I walked back to the lodge. Tshililo was up when I got there
Me:” morning”
Tshililo” morning” she smiled. I looked at her once and finally made my decision. This was it…I am taking Xolani’s offer. With that job I could be able to protect Tshililo from Luvhengo and she can be able to leave him for good
Tshili:” Sharon has been calling none stop”
Me:” ow”
Tshili:” new girlfriend?”
Me:” no of course not, we go to the same church and we went to school together” I don’t understand why I lied to Tshili, it’s not like we were an item…she was still just a friend right?
Tshili:” ok I see” she told me that Luvhengo had also been calling her nonstop but she didn’t pick up any of his calls. He also sent her few messages threatening her…I hugged her and told her that all will be well. I walked to the bedroom with my phone and dialled Xolani, I had to do this
X:"Thembu mfana"
Me:"Hey X"
X:"so did you come right?"
Me:"not really, does your offer still stand?"
X:"yeah why?"
Me:"count me in bruh, I need cash quickly and I can't think of a better way"
X:"are you sure though, I don't wanna look like a bad influence here"
Me:"100% so how much do you make per month?"
X:"it’s more like how much do I make per week?"
Me:"oww so how much?"
X:"enough to deposit a vehicle bro"
Me:"in a week?"
X:"yeah"
Me:"so can you please give me few thousands and I will give you when I start getting my salary, my family's life is at stake here"
X:"sure thing my man, sure thing, so how much do you want?"
Me:"uhm I want few thousands hey"
X:"be specific Thembu, I can even give you 100k if you want"
Me:"I think that’s what I need" 100k…damn I was going to be indebted to Xolani big time
X:"consider it done, I will go to the bank tomorrow and make a transfer"
Me:"are you sure you gonna give me that?"
X:"yeah but one thing for sure, you can't change your mind about the job anymore because I will surely need my money back hey"
Me:"uhm....I...yeah I won’t change my mind"
X:"cool, I will call my boss right away and when you come back you can meet him"
Me:"sure"
X:"xap"
I sat on the toilet seat and thought about what I was about to do. I was going to be a drug dealer. I couldn’t believe that it was me who actually agreed to this job but life can just push us to a certain direction sometimes, I never wanted to sell drugs or let me say I never even thought of being close to someone who sells them, but in 2 weeks time I will be a drug dealer.
So Tshili and I spent the whole afternoon in that room. i went out and bought us some food. Her mom called in the afternoon and was very furious at her for running away. Tshililo tried to explain the situation but her mom wanted her to come back and apologise to Luvhengo…like what the F.
So Sharon called and was very angry with me for not even bother calling her since morning. It was in the afternoon when she called. Damn it I totally forgot about the girl but obviously I was not going to tell her that. I told her that things were hectic at home and that I hardly had time. Well she hang up on me when I was busy explaining. I called my mom again in the afternoon and informed her that my friend was still in trouble and I had to stay at his house…yeah yeah she wanted to hear more but I told her that I couldn’t share. I asked about dad and she said that he was out and not at home…well I knew my dad enough to understand that after beating my mom he is usually friendly for few days, that’s kinda how it was. So I spent the whole afternoon with Tshililo fighting over a TV remote and just eating food. With the circumstances surrounding us we still managed to laugh and make jokes.
So we spent another night together in this room. If I say there wasn’t a time where I wanted to sleep with her then I will be really lying. I wanted her, in fact I think I was starting to fall for her but I wanted to do things right. Tshililo was very vulnerable at the moment and was not in the right state of mind so I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I wanted to do this right…I wanted her to love me because she wanted to, not because she wanted someone to make her forget about Luvhengo.
I woke up to an sms on my phone the following morning. I almost chocked to death when I saw the money that had been deposited into my bank account. 100k was deposited by Xolani. Yohh I started sweating bruh…not once had I owned 10k but imagine having 100k…I could hear my ears blocking and my whole body shaking. I checked the balance and the message was no prank…I had the cash with me. I called Xolani immediately and thanked him…he was all chilled as usual and just highlighted the fact that I should make sure that I make it to work when I come back to varsity. I looked at Tshililo who was still fast asleep and just smiled…all her problems were about to disappear. She woke up a while later and she looked on her phone and just starred at it with a worried look on her face. The worried look seemed to be the look she wore the most these days. Looking at her I could see that her face was not so swollen anymore and the bruises were not so bad.
She looked up at me and told me that Luvhengo sent her a message saying that he is cancelling her credit card. She was worried about school…she didn’t have NSFAS and with Luvhengo pulling out of her life she’ll have to drop out and have to apply for NSFAS next year. I smiled knowing that I had a plan. I told her not to worry and that I was going to fix everything. She didn’t look like she believed me but I told her that she should just trust me to help her with everything. So we moved to a hotel and I paid the room for a whole week, I also paid for three meals per day for her so that she don’t go anywhere. She was worried about me spending too much money on her when I told her about the payment I had made but I told her that after all the support she gave me….she deserved it.
That afternoon I left her and went home. It was about time I face one more music in my life. I was sitting in a taxi going home when the driver played Bhamba – So hard. I listened to the words and I felt like the song was talking to me. Life was indeed hard and sometimes it was easy for it to put you down and defeat you. Here is what I had planned. With the money I had I could get an empty stand and build a two or three roomed house for my mom…that could be enough for starters. The money I had was enough to build it within a week and within a month they can do the roofing and everything there was to do. And then I could also go back to school and start working and generate more money. Once I start working I can help Tshililo and pay for all her outstanding fees for this year plus her room and then next years she can apply for NSFAS or any other bursary. I knew for a fact that Tshililo was not going to allow me to pay for a her fees for two years…she would let me pay now because she didn’t have any other choice.
So my dad and his sister were home when I got there and I knew what it meant. We were going to have a family meeting. Yep as I have guessed the meeting happened and my aunt was on his brother’s side. She didn’t care about what my dad was doing to my mom and my reason for doing what I did to him…the only thing they were all concerned about was me beating my father up. Yah it was wrong I know but how do we overlook the abuse that’s been happening for years? Weirdly enough, my mom was also on their side so I couldn’t deal with all that. I was about to leave the meeting when my dad said he was cutting me off and that I wasn’t going to get any cent from him anymore and that I should just forget about ever going back to varsity. See? Xolani really helped; if it wasn’t for his cash then my varsity life was over.
I was about to fall asleep in my room that evening when I received a message from Tshililo
"Hi Thembu, I have ran out of words to thank you for being such an extraordinary man that you are. Thank you so much for all the effort you have put into helping me, forcing me to leave Luvhengo is the best thing that anyone have ever done for me, thank you for being so brave and not afraid, you have given me a little hope that maybe life can really be possible without Luvhengo. Thank you so much and please don't ever think for a second that I Don't see your kindness, you are a kind man Thembuluwo.....Good night" I couldn’t help but smile
Zwi a Penga
Insert 9
My dad was still sulking about the whole thing so I woke up the following morning and he wasn’t home. I told my mom that I had a plan to make us move out of my dad’s house. She told me that she couldn’t move because my dad was the source of income. So I told her that I had a friend who has businesses and have offered to assist me after I told him about the crisis at home…I told her that i was going to work for that friend during weekends and school holidays to pay up the money that he gave me. So I told my mom that I had enough money to build her at least three roomed house. Yep she was shocked and warned me that this friend better be legit, I assured her that it was nothing to worry about...i felt bad lying to my mom but it’s not like i had another choice. So she told me that she heard a friend of hers saying that there was a stand on sale at Tshikhudini and it had a two roomed house in it…she said that the house was in good condition. See? God is just great. I went to town immediately and withdrew enough money. I came back home and my mom went to the owner of the stand and they went to the Chief’s place where she paid the money...i was there as a witness and then after that my mom made an appointment to change the stand ownership the following week.
The owner for the house was only moving out at the end of May so I guess we could wait until then before moving out. My mom was over excited and she kept on saying that she wants to meet the friend who helped me one day. Hopefully she was going to meet Xolani one of the good days. Tshililo called that afternoon and we talked…she was fine by herself just that she was a bit bored. The following day I went shopping for Easter with my mom. Yep my dad was still angry and didn’t bother give my mother any cent.
After we came back from town with my mom I asked her if I could go spend the night at a friend’s. She looked at me and gave me a weird smile. Did she know that I had a girlfriend? Well not girlfriend as in girlfriend but i mean a girl who is a friend because that’s what Tshililo was to me. She didn’t say much but she just agreed. I was excited to see Tshililo again. I left home and went to town where I bought Tshililo two set of clothes as she didn’t have any...i am talking about two jeans, two tops, shoes and underwear. Yeah I was not sure about the sizes but I hoped that they were going to fit. I also went to PnP for some snacks. She opened the door for me as soon as I knocked.
Me:"hey" I had my best smile on my face…I was happy to see her, I felt like I hadn’t seen her in ages
Tshili:”hey you” I walked in and put the plastic bags on the floor and we hugged.
Me:” I missed you” I whispered
Tshili” same here” I don’t know why or what caused this. But as soon as we broke the hug I bent down to her and kissed her…she kissed me back without even hesitating. It was a slow passionate kiss that carried love. We kissed for a long while and I wished we could not stop. Damn I loved this girl…we slowly walked to the bed and we climbed on it…she then climbed on top of me. She stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes
Tshili:” uhm Thembu”
Me:” ndi a mufuna Tshili (I love you Tshili)” I don’t know where that came from but the words escaped my mouth before I could even try to stop them. She smiled
Tshili:” I love you more” damn I was happy
Me:” really?”
Tshili:” really and I’ve felt like this since we met”
Me:"sorry it took me so long to feel the same"
Tshili:"it was worth the wait" we continued kissing and Tshililo started taking off my shirt. Honestly speaking, as much as I wanted to have sex with her I felt that this was not the right time. We played and played and played. She tried taking off my jeans but I gently removed her hands
Me:"Tshili we can't" she gave me that disappointed look of hers
Tshili:"you always do this to me Thembu, at first I understood because you had a girlfriend but now you just told me that you love me but you can't do it with me, am I not good enough for you?", owww gawd now I feel bad, how do I explain this to her
Me:"uhm Tshili that’s not the reason why"
Tshili:"what is it then?" a tear escaped her eye
Me:"I love you so much and I have made a promise to myself that I won't do anything with you including kissing until you have healed but I guess I have failed. I don’t want to look like I am taking advantage of your situation or that I am helping you because I want something in return. I love you Tshili and I want to sleep with you so bad but I want you to be happy when we do it, what I am trying to say is that I want it to be special, I want it to be the day that we will all remember" I said all that looking straight into her eyes
Tshili:"ow"
Me:"yeah you are very attractive and right now I want to do crazy things to you but I want it to be planned and I want it to be special”
Tshili:"I feel like an idiot now"
Me:"don't feel like that please"
Tshili:"you really are a good guy Thembu and this right here is real love, I mean another guy would have jumped at the chance to sleep with me"
Me:"Tshili we are in love and obviously we will make love just not now”
Tshili:” where have you been all this time?” she was near tears
Me:” sorry I didn’t find you sooner”
Tshili:” at least we are here now”
Sharon called at that moment and somehow Tshililo was able to read between the lines so I ended up telling her everything about me and Sharon...i didn’t want to lie to her, if me and her where going to make this work then I had to be honest. She was a bit angry about it but at the end she was fine because it’s not like I knew she was going to leave Luvhengo when I slept with Sharon.
I was still chilling with Tshililo when a message came through on her phone. Luvhengo was here…he said he was able to track her phone and now he was at the reception and he needed to see her. Well I decided that it was about time I meet this guy. Tshililo didn’t want to hear of it, she kept on going on and on about how she was not going to let me die for her. I assured her that no one was going to die and I was just going to talk to the guy. I left her in the room and went to the reception area. I spotted a man who obviously looked rich waiting and looking like he was in a rush….this must be him, I thought as I got to him. I introduced myself to him and he did the same. So he was Luvhengo. I told him that I was a friend of Tshililo’s and that he should stay away. He tried to fight me but the securities intervened and he was told to leave the building. He kept n saying that Tshililo should kiss varsity goodbye because he was not going to pay anymore. He also made threats saying that she was going to pay for what she was doing to him. The f*** is wrong with this guy? He was the one who did her wrong. With Luvhengo so angry and determined to hurt Tshililo I felt that we couldn’t stay long in Venda anymore. I decided that we should leave on Saturday just for the sake of her safety. I chose Saturday because Friday was a Good Friday and I didn’t want to spend it on the road. I told Tshililo about my plan and she agreed. She even called her sister to bring her laptop and all her stuff she brought back from school…she asked the sister to be discreet and not tell their mother.
Again I spent the night with Tshililo and there was still no sex between us. I went home the following morning. Dad was home when I got there. I had no idea how to act around him. He’s always been someone I feared and now that I had beaten him up I was not even sure how or what to feel anymore. So dad was in the lounge with mom…mom called me into the lounge and I went and sit opposite my father. She wanted me to explain to my father where I got the money for the grocery because apparently daddy dearest was throwing a foot and throwing accusations at my mom. I told him the same story I told my mom about a friend of mine. He seemed to believe me but angrily suggested that I should just ask my so called friend to give me a permanent job since I was not going back to school. See? Again Xolani’s money was coming in very handy. After that dreadful meeting my father left and i was left sitting alone with my mom.
I told mom that I was going back to school on Saturday. My reasoning was that I didn’t want to make things worse with my dad since we were not seeing eye to eye. She seemed to understand that. I also told her that I was leaving home late that afternoon to go spend Good Friday with a friend and then will leave for NMMU the following day. She was not too happy about that arrangement but hey I was now a grown man and with everything that was going on at home, she couldn’t really force me to stay. I spent the afternoon with mom and my siblings. I also spent few hours with Khathu. I then also went to see Sharon. I had to break things off with her. She wasn’t happy, in fact she looked heartbroken and she even cried. I felt bad for the girl I really did but hey what was I to do? I couldn’t continue seeing her behind Tshili’s back. As messed up as my life was, I had to try and clean it up.
So Friday was a Good Friday and i was spending it with Tshililo. We had nowhere else to go but Intended on making it a bit special. I woke up early and went to the shower, Tshililo was still sleeping. I then went to the shops where I booked us two bus tickets to Joburg and two flight tickets to George. Yeah yeah right I was about to fly for the first time. I was about to be rich so I might as well get used to the life style you see? Anyway I then went to a clothing shop where I bought Tshililo a beautiful short dress and some high heels…they were Navy blue in colour…I also bought myself some new Chinos and a new shirt and shoes…I also went for the same colours. I then bought few things i felt that we were going to need...Condoms included. I was not sure if we were going to use them today but hey better be safe than sorry. If we don’t use them today then I guess we could still use them when we get to George. I got to the Hotel and asked them to bring us breakfast for two in our room…they were fine with that. I then walked to our room and Tshili was up when I got there. She wondered where I had gone but I told her that I wanted to make this day special. So I asked her to go to the shower and I also asked her to wear the dress and the shoes about her.
While she was in the shower I took out two glasses and put them neatly on a table along with a bottle of champagne. I took out the roses that I bought and scattered the rose petals on the table and on the floor as well. I smiled at myself while I was doing this. I took two candles and put them on the table and light them. I then changed into the clothes that I bought for the occasion. Hopefully I was going to take them off very very soon. I took one condom and put it in my pocket. I took my laptop from my bag and played ‘Emeli Sande – Beneath your beautiful’. I sat down and waited for her. She walked out of the bathroom wearing that dress. Damn she looked good...beautiful. I couldn’t help but smile…she looked at me and smiled too. I complemented her and told her that she was beautiful. Our breakfast was brought up right at that moment. I signalled for the lodge attendant to put our breakfast on the table...when he left I signalled for her to sit. She kept on looking at me and smiling. She looked beautiful…her face looked fine and she wasn’t swollen anymore and the bruises were not visible…there was just one on her left cheek but it wasn’t that bad. we started eating as we smile and engage on simple conversation.
Tshili:"uhm let me be honest neh? I have been to many romantic breakfasts but nothing have felt this good. I am not talking about the taste of food here….i am talking about the freedom i feel when I am around you…the feeling of love you give me. Maybe it’s because I am here with the one person that I love…..one person I have loved since the first day I laid my eyes on him” she said as we were eating
Me:” woow uhm-“
Tshili:” I know it’s overwhelming but it’s the truth Thembu, ever since the first day I saw you in class…I fell in love right away and maybe that’s why I tried my best to get to you, to make you see me. That was all because I had never felt something so strong…I am just happy that now I am not alone in this”
Me:” if I say I loved you since the first day then I will be lying to you…it was different for me. I only started feeling something for you during our friendship, I fell in love with your personality and you made me want to be better. I love you with everything that I have and I will do anything to keep you happy”
Tshili:"you know what, I have a song I wanna play for you, have you seen Twilight?"
Me:" not really, I have heard people talking about it though"
Tshili:"owk there is this song that always remind me of how much I love you, it’s a sound track on that movie, it’s one of Bella and Edward's song and I guess we can make it our song"
Me:"let’s hear it" she got up with a smile and paused the song playing on my laptop and played a song on her phone
Tshili:" just….listen to the words. It’s called ‘Thousand Years’ and its sang by Christina Perri"
Me:"owk" we were done eating so we laid on our back on the bed and looked up on the ceiling with our hands on each other and listened to the song
‘The day we meet, Frozen I held my breath, right from the start, I knew that I found a home for my heart beats fast, colours and promises
How to be brave, how can I love, when I am afraid to fall, but watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you, darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love yu for a thousand more’
It was a slow beautiful song…apart from the words I loved the music itself. I listened to the words and let them sink into my heart. I looked at her and she looked at me
Me:" thousand years? Really? You’ll love me for that long? I love you somuch Tshililo"
Tshili:"I love you more"
We moved closer to each other and started kissing. We were kissing slowly, my heart was beating fast and my eyes were near tears, I loved Tshililo somuch I wanted to cry. I kissed her with such a force, like I felt that I wanted her, all of her. I had been holding back all these sexual feelings I had for her because I wanted us to wait a little bit, I wanted her to heal but I couldn't do it anymore, all I wanted was to feel her sexually. I caressed her hair as we were busy kissing, I unzipped the dress as she was busy unbuttoning my shirt, I managed to take her dress off and I kissed her whole body, she looked even more beautiful and more sexier when she was naked, I looked at her with my eyes burning with love.
Me:"I love you so much it hurts" I said that and buried my head on her chest, she cupped my face so that I can look at her
Tshili:"I love you the exact same way, I know you might be scared of what might happen in the future but we are in this together", she kissed me again and I kissed her back. I took off my trousers and my underwear and I helped her with her underwear and then I took out a condom.
So I spent the whole day with Tshililo. It turned out to be the best Good Friday ever…it was going to be a day that we were both going to remember.
The following day was a Saturday and we boarded a bus in the morning to Joburg and then a flight from Joburg to George. We decided to stay in Tshili’s room for a week before everyone else come back since we still had a week before the school opens. The week alone with Tshili without anyone else was magical. We made love over and over again…we laughed and played, went out few times (I had money so I could afford taking her out), sit around and watch movies, and a hell lot of things…one thing I can truly highlight is the fact that we were truly happy together. I called mom several times to find out how things were at home and things were still ok and my dad was not really causing any more problems…I was hoping that he’d stay like that up until my mom move out.
Xolani came back to campus on Friday and it was time for me to move back to my room because Sihle was also coming back. Sihle and X had a thing going on so I think they planned on coming back on Friday together. We were chilling in my room when someone knocked and then opened. Yeyyy Mr X and the lovely Sihle were back in campus.
X:"heeeeey youuuu" he said opening his arms for Tshili and she hugged him. I was hugging Sihle and then Tshili and Sihle also hugged. We were happy to finally be back together
Me:"my boy…how have you been?"
X:"ahh bruh as you can see"
Tshili:"are we missing something here, where you guys together during holidays or you just met today on your way back?"
X:"uhm I took the next step and introduced Sihle to my mom, she was at my place from monday" whaaaaat?
Me:" wooow X I am proud of you man, I am really proud that’s a way to go about it"
X:"yeah yeah you know me I waste no time"
Sihle:"enough about me and Xolani, and you guys is there something you wanna tell us?"
Tshili:"uhm well…."
X:"well what?"
Me:"I have graduated from being a bestfriend to a boyfriend" we both screamed and laughed and we shared a group hug
X:"what do you say we go and celebrate?"
Sihle:"great idea"
Tshili:"ahh guys you just came back now don't you wanna rest a bit?"
X:"uhm Tshili I didn't party when I was home so I think I had enough rest"
Me:"let’s do this babe"
Tshili:"eish guys",
"please" we chorused looking at her
Tshili:"owk owk we can go"
So after drinking and just being happy the whole afternoon, we went partying that evening and then in the late hours we came back to our room and played 30seconds. After that we went back to sleep. We woke up in the afternoon the following day feeling super tired
X:"ehh Thembu we will meet Jay tonight neh?"
Me:” Jay?”
X:” my boss” oww s*** that
Me:"what’s his name in full?"
X:"Jaco but people call him Jay…no one calls him Jaco"
Me:"so he is your boss?"
X:"yeah but there is a big boss but I haven't met him yet, I don't even know his name"
Me:"owk, So how does the business go?"
X:"you will learn as we roll and I don't think you will do more work since you are new"
Me:"eish" I sat up on the bed
X:"don't tell me that you are chickening out Thembu"
Me:"nahh its not that, I am just…eish" ok I was chickening out
X:"don't show this nervousness when we get to Jay because he will kick you out mfana"
Me:"yah I will be strong"
X:"it’s not a big deal Thembu its just drugs" seriously? Just drugs? He says it like it’s just sweets…its f*****g drugs
After that little discussion about meeting his boss I woke up and went to see Tshili. We spent the afternoon chilling outside together.
After my day with Tshili i came back to my room where Xolani was waiting for me so that we could go to meet his boss. It was just before we leave that I walked to the bathroom. I got there and stood in front of the mirror. I wanted to see if I was still the same Thembuluwo…I shook my head as I stared at myself. Life can play you so hard that you’ll hardly recognise yourself. I walked back to the room and found Xolani waiting for me. We drove to town and he drove into some club. I had never been to that club before. It was one of the fancy ones in town…there were big cars outside and that could only mean that the club was for those who had real cash…not lame boys walking around with 1k in their wallet. Xolani and I walked inside and Damn this was one hell of a club, Owk, I have been to clubs but not this. Everything inside screamed MONEY. They had pole girls or should I call them strippers no no no they call them exotic dancers these days. There were few men sitting on the couches drinking expensive drinks and smoking cigars looking at the girls dancing. The Bar was being operated by hot ladies. I was still looking around like a lost puppy when Xolani said “this way bro”. I followed him to an entrance where there was a tall big man standing. X nodded to the guy and he let us in. we walked in and walked through a dark passage.
Me:"uhm X where are we going?" i whispered
X:"to Jay" why was this place dark? We finally got to another room that looked like another club…well, I was a club. There was a coloured guy sitting on the couch, I have seen all sorts of tattoos but nothing compared to what that guy had. There were few other guys sitting in the room on different chairs. There were half naked girls dancing for him. I could feel that i was struggling for air…. What the hell did I get myself into?
Zwi a Penga
Insert 10
The coloured guy was wearing a black leader trousers, a black vest and a gold chain around his neck. He had cigar on his mouth and a glass of whiskey. He signalled to the girls to leave the room and they left immediately. I just stood in the middle of the room beside Xolani. He signalled for us to sit down and we sat on the couch.
Jay:"Soo, Mr X what do we have here?" with a coloured accent
X:"this is the friend I was telling you about" he looked at me for a very long time while he smoke his cigar
Jay:"are you sure he can handle the job?" he was still looking at me and his look alone was enough to make me s*** on myself but hey I had to keep it together.
X:"Positive boss"
Jay:"mhm so you go by the name of…?" I looked around
Me:"uhm Thembuluwo but you can call me Thembu"
Jay:"and you are originally from?"
Me:"Venda"
Jay:"we will call you V-Boy that name you just told me is too complicated for me"
Me:"owk that’s fine"
Jay:"so V-boy are you willing to roll with us?" he talked as if he had a gun on his head and was being forced to talk…like he really didn’t want to
Me:"yeah I am"
Jay:"this is a fucking real business we're running here, we are not playing boy and once you join my team there is no going back" I felt my stomach going into knots…what the hell have a done? I was super scared
Me:"I am game" I tried to be brave
Jay:"I know you might be scared but hey this is the real life, hustling and making it big and one more thing, we are all family here....once you join my guys you are part of our family and we will always have your back and you do the same for all of us....virstand jy?"
Me:"understood"
Jay:"I am a friendly oak if you ask me but I hate betrayals and I don't deal well with them so whatever you do just make sure that you don't double cross me.....loyalty is baie baie important"
Me:"uhm owk" this was getting more weird
Jay:"now that I have given you my friendly intro.....we can start celebrating…you've just been hired", he let out a weird smile, this guy look like a damn psycho.
X:"welcome to the team man", the ladies came back and 2 Pac music was playing on the background. The girls started dancing for us. Jay handed me a cigar
Me:"uhm thanks I am fine"
Jay:"this is your celebration dawg, you can't say no"
Me:"I guess I can’t" I gave him my fake smile and took it. I started pulling on it immediately and I looked at the girls as I blow out the smoke. A lady came with a bottle of Hennesy Richard Cognic wow I couldn't believe it. She poured the shots and we each took one.
Jay:"to V-Boy"
"to V-Boy” they all chorused...apart from everything else I was still struggling to believe that I was actually drinking Hennesy. Jay signalled for the guys who were sitting at the bar to come close…they were three.
Jay:"hey my men this is our new family member V-Boy and V Boy this is Sticks, Gerrit and Javas" I looked at the three guys and they didn’t look like criminals…they looked smart. They dressed well and in expensive clothing. Javas and Sticks were blacks and Gerrit was a coloured. They both greeted me and then walked away
Jay:"they have to leave because they have a business to take care of but Gerrit will stick around.... So, for a starter you are going to be the delivery boy neh?"
Me:"uhm owk",
Jay:"yeah someone will come and give you the stock and you will be driving it to Mossel bay"
Me:"uhm I don't have a car"
Jay:"that’s about to change, hey Gerrit", Gerrit paid attention
Jay:"can you show V Boy his new baby" ok now I was confused.
Gert:"this way V Boy" I followed him and he led me to the garage. Hahahaha what I saw neh? These guys had cars…as in cars.
Gert:"there is something smaller for you, we can't give you a big baby as a starter because we don't want attention"
Me:"uhm wow this is wow for me" I seriously felt like I was dreaming…I was about to have my own car…I couldn’t believe it, I really couldn’t. He handed me the keys for the 2014 Ford Fiesta
Gert:"so this is yours my man"
Me:"are you for real man, like this is my car from now on?" I was loud
Gert:"I think that’s exactly what I said" I just hugged him without even thinking because I was waaaaaay too excited…after the hug he just stared at me like I was going crazy.
Me:"ow sorry about that I am just over excited"
Gert:"I can see that so now that you have the keys can we go now?"
Me:"sure" we walked back to the room and found Jay and Xolani still sitting on the couch.
Jay:"so someone will contact you tomorrow regarding your first delivery" he gave me his phone and I typed my cell phone numbers in there. We sat there for a while drinking and discussing a little more about the business until it was time for me and Xolani to leave. Owww yeah I was driving my own car bruhhh
X:"so youwilla be driving yourself back mus?" he said as soon as we stepped out. Gerrit brought my car to the parking lot outside.
Me:"yeah man I still can't believe that I have a car"
X:"yeah I know it’s crazy right?"
Me:"super crazy" I was honestly happy, maybe Jay was not a bad guy after all and selling drugs can't be that bad. I got inside my car and just burst out laughing alone. I switched the car on and played some music and then put the aircon on…and then the wipers and then the lights….damn it
”I have a car” I said in total disbelief. I drove back to campus with Xolani…I was in my car and he was in his car….dammit I was smiling all the way to campus
Me:"so this delivery I am doing tomorrow, do you know anything about it?" I said as we walk to our room
X:"nope I don't deal with deliveries but I am sure you will receive a call giving you all the instructions tomorrow"
Me:"yeah neh, yazi I still can't believe I have a new baby mfana" I had a very big smile on my face
X:"that’s how we roll"
Me:"so they also gave you that car?"
X:"yeah it’s my business car"
Me:"wow this is a nice job"
X:"uhm actually it’s not that nice, the money is nice but the actual work....uh uh"
Me:"but it can't be that bad bro, as long as the money is good"
X:"yeah I guess so",
The following morning I woke up and ran to the parking lot to check if my car was still there. Well I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming and as it turns out it wasn’t a dream because the car was very much still standing where I left it. I received a call from a number I didn’t know while I was still standing and admiring my car
Me:"hello"
Caller:"hey V Boy its Javas here"
Me:"hey Mjav"
Javas:"your first delivery is at one o'clock, someone will come give you the parcels and you will take them to Mossel bay, I will send you the address....the person will be there around one so you must be ready"
Me:"sure thing"
Javas:"if ever you need more info just contact me mfowethu"
Me:"no problem", eish it was really happening, the game had just began.
Before I could start with this new job I had to show off the car to my girl. I went to Tshili’s room and called her to follow me. She was inquisitive wanting to know what was going on but I kept telling her that everything was a surprise. I took her to the parking lot and stood in front of my car
Me:"Tadaa!!" I showed her the car
Tshili:"uhm where is the surprise?"
Me:"here", she looked around
Tshili:"Thembu I don't see anything except for this car"
Me:"yep that’s the surprise"
Tshili:"hahaha nice try" she was laughing
Me:"babe this is my car"
Tshili:"your car?" she shouted and looked at me like she had seen a ghost
Me:"yes babe can you believe it?"
Tshili:"uhm you are joking right?" she looked confused
Me:"babe I am serious we have a car"
Tshili:"Thembuluwo are you serious?", she now had a serious look on her face
Me:"yes babe, all our problems are solved, we can now go anywhere we want to go" I said taking her hand but she snatched it away
Tshili:"Thembuluwo where did you get the car?"
Me:"uhm uhm babe aren't you happy that we have a car?” I was too excited to even have a backup reason to lie to her. I was too excited in a way that I never thought she’d ask me questions, I thought she was just going to be happy
Tshili:" how can I be happy when I don’t even know where you get the money for the car? This car could be stolen for all I know”
Me:" Tshililo how can you say something like that?"
Tshili:"then please make me understand how a student like yourself can afford to buy a brand new car”
Me:"but babe is it that important?"
Tshili:"it’s important to me…I want to know if there is something going on?” yoh I really didn’t expect this
Me:"I will tell you, just not now, let’s take the car for a spin first"
Tshili:"I am taking no damn car for a damn spin"
Me:"babe!"
Tshili:"no Thembu, I tried to ignore you when you were busy splashing money just before we came back here and even after we came back you were still splashing it and now you come back with a car? No this is too much”
Me:"But babe it’s just a car"
Tshili:"the one you can't afford babe, just let me in on what’s going on"
Me:"Tshili sorry but I can’t"
Tshili:” So you don’t trust me?"
Me:"I do trust you bbe but…"
Tshili:"but nothing.....I am done here"
Me:"babe wait"
Tshili:" until you tell me where you are getting all this money then I can’t do this”
Me:” Tshili what do you mean?” I tried to take her hand but she snatched it
Tshili:” let me be”
So Tshililo was threatening to leave me and I had to do something. I went to the mall with my brand new car and bought her an expensive necklace at American Swiss, chocolate from Woolworths and then some takeaways…I then drove back to campus. I asked Xolani to call Sihle so that I can have Tshili all to myself. I walked to the room and knocked and then she opened
Tshili:” what do you want?”
Me:” babe we need to talk”
Tshili:” talk”
Me:"can I come in first?" she moved and I walked in. she closed the door and stood there looking at me
Me:” I bought you these” I said giving her the box of chocolates plus the necklace box. She took them and put them on the bed and folded her hands on her chest
Tshili:” ready to tell me where you are getting the money?”
Me:” I bought us some food can we at least eat first?”
Tshili:” I say we talk first”
Me:” Tshililo washu”
Sthili:” if you are not ready to tell me then you are free to leave”
Me:” ok the car is not mine…a friend of Xolani’s just borrowed it to me for few days” she laughed
Tshili:"do you think I am that dumb? Who can borrow someone a brand new car huh?"
Me:" now I don’t know what you want me to say"
Tshili:"yesterday you left with X and then you came back with a car" she went quiet as if she was thinking and then she looked like someone who was scared
Tshili:"oww my God Thembuluwo you are working with X?"
Me:"no I am not" she looked up on the ceiling with her hands on her hips and then started pacing
Tshili:"do you have any idea what you have gotten yourself into? And for what Thembu huh? For what?"
Me:"babe I am not working with him" this girl was way too clever for my liking, how did she think of this?
Tshili:" then explain the car, the endless money, it’s not like you have a job"
Me:"Tshililo please"
Tshili:" leave…I don’t ever want to see you here"
Me:" but babe let me explain"
Tshili:"I said leave, I can't deal with a drug dealing boyfriend I really can't, isn’t it enough that you are hanging with a drug dealer and you just have to join the pack?"
Me:"Tshililo washu"
Thembu:"so that’s where you went yesterday, to your drug dealing friends"
Me:"oww Good God!!" I didn’t even know what to do anymore…she was pissed and had tears in her eyes by now
Tshili:” leave my room Thembuluwo…there is no way that I am going to date a drug dealer…no ways. I don’t even know why you are doing this, what were you thinking? Is this because you wanting to be like X?”
Me:"I have my reasons"
Tshili:"yeah sure you do, I was lying to myself thinking that you are a good guy" she walked to the door and opened it for me
Me: ‘let’s talk about this”
Tshili:” leave”
Me:” babe please”
Tshili:” please leave” I didn’t have a choice but to leave. I was not sure if we were really breaking up or what but I guess I had to give her some time
At one o’clock I got a call telling me that the delivery vehicle was at the gate. I went to collect the merchandise which was to be transported to an address that I was given. I drove to Mossel Bay using a Map because I had never been there before. I took the N2 road and hoped not to get lost. I was driving when I came across a road block and I was stopped. The police found the drugs and I was arrested. I have never cried so hard in my life. I couldn’t believe that I got arrested on my first day at work. I was given a deal though, that if I tell the cops who my boss was then they’d let me go free. Well I thought about it but I knew that bringing Jay to the cops will mean the end of me so I’d rather serve life in jail which was going to be years because I had lot of drugs with me. I spent the night in jail and the following day I was told that the deal still stands but I didn’t budge. Later that afternoon I was taken by the same cops who arrested me and was taken to an abandoned house where Jay was waiting for us…well I was shocked to see him. He congratulated me as soon as I got there. I was told that the whole experience was a test to see if I could be trusted. I felt so relieved knowing that I wasn’t going to jail. I was given back my car and we drive to Jay’s house in Mossel Bay.
He had a beautiful beach house. So it was him and Javas in the house. He explained to me about my job and what I was going to be doing. I was going to do a delivery from George to PE once a week and my first delivery was on Wednesday night. He didn’t tell me how much I was going to get paid but he just told me that it will be enough. After the talk about my job he asked Javas to bring the machines. Hell naww? I almost jumped off my chair when Javas brought me guns. I expected all this talk about drugs and all but I didn’t expect guns. I was given one 9mm gun and Javas took me to a room which was said to be sound proof. He taught me all the basic info about using a gun. He showed me how to hold it and how to aim…well it wasn’t really rocket science so I managed. When we were done we walked back to Jay…the 9mm gun was given to me and I was told to keep it safe…there was nothing more to discuss so I was dismissed and I left for George immediately…the time was now after 9 at night.
I got to my room and approached Xolani about the test thing and if he knew about it. He said he knew…I mean he could have at least warned me. I almost died of panicking in there and just being scared, I thought I was not going to get out. Anyway he told me that he was not supposed to say anything because it had to be proven if I was loyal.
The following morning I woke up and went to Tshili’s room. I decided that I was going to tell her the truth about everything and then she could just decide what she was going to do about it. So I told her everything from the abuse at home since I was young to me beating up my dad and to X offering me a job and to me accepting it , to buying my mom a new house and to my arrest. I was desperate to keep her and if it meant that I had to tell her all the gory details of my dad abusing us then that was it. She was more shocked than angry when I was done. In fact there was no anger in her left. As opposed to her previous reaction, she actually hugged me and asked me why I didn’t tell her everything sooner. She was not particularly happy with me doing this job but looking at my circumstances she knew that I didn’t have a choice. It wasn’t just about her but about my family too.
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