Zwi a Penga
Insert 46
One month later
Thembuluwo and I were talking everyday on the phone…it felt great to talk to him. I was filling him in on everything about our son and everything about me. Even though he wasn’t here but the calls made me feel closer to him. Xolani and I had forgiven each other regarding Bongi issue and he wasn’t following me around anymore, I had my freedom back. With Thembu’s go ahead, Bongani and I were now besties. We used to go to the movies together, do dinners, chill at the beach, do picnics, do Sunday chillas and every other thing you can think of. He never made a move on me…we were just friends and I really enjoyed our friendship. On another news Rotenda got the job she interviewed for and was starting the following months…it gets worse, she asked to stay in my house for at least a month. She had already apologised about how she talked about me on Facebook but damn people I still didn’t trust that girl and having her in my house for a month? Well I don’t know how I felt about that…I really don’t.
On Saturday I was chilling in the house alone. I didn’t hear anything from Bongani for about four days. I’d tried calling him and texting him but nothing was going through. Sihle came that afternoon and we chilled. She questioned me about Bongani…she wanted to know if I was dating him. I laughed and told her that I wasn’t dating Bongani and that I felt nothing for him and because I was still in love with my husband. She told me how it could hurt her if I dated him because he was her ex and she still had feelings for him. I told her not to sweat it and that I would never do that. It was the truth; I didn’t have sexual feelings for Bongani….all I wanted was his friendship
I was still chilling with Sihle when I received a call from Bongani telling me that he’s been in hospital for four days after being involved in a car accident. Believe me I was shocked. He told me which hospital he was in and I told him I’ll come right away. I had a nanny at home so we left my son with his nanny and drove to the hospital immediately. We got there and went to his ward. Sihle ran to him and she was busy calling him baby and kissing him…Bongani looked at me in shock and I just shrugged my shoulders because I had no idea what Sihle was trying to do. My phone rang right at that moment, it was Thembuluwo.
I walked out and answered the call. We talked briefly and I told him that I was in hospital coming to check on Bongani who was in hospital after an accident. It was his reply and the sound of his voice that made me think otherwise. Thembuluwo didn’t sound shocked…it was as if he already knew about the accident. The possibility of him being responsible did cross my mind at that moment but I refused to believe it…Thembuluwo was not really a monster.
Me:"Thembuluwo" my eyes were starting to get teary, I really didn’t want to believe it
Me:"Thembuluwo Mudau what have you done?"
Thembu:"babe what are you talking about?"
Me:" Do you know what happened to Bongani?
Thembu:"yah i do, so what’s up?" Owk this was painful, I kinda expected him to deny knowing anything about Bongani. Thembuluwo was changing, jail was changing him…this didn’t sound like him
Me:" what’s up? How can you even ask me that huh? How can you even do something like this Thembu? What if he died huh?”
Thembu:"well that’s what i wanted, the aim was to kill him baby" yohh I almost fainted
Me:"Thembuluwo" I walked out of the building and went to the car
Thembu:"what?"
Me:"what have you become?"
Thembu:"bbe don’t give me that emotional blackmailing because it’s not going to work, I am not going to apologise for what I did…I will end up killing that guy if he don’t change his ways"
Me:"Babe but you said we can be friends…you said you are fine with it and few weeks down the line you want him dead?"
Thembu:"yeah you are right I said you can be friends, I didn’t say you can run around the whole town as if you are dating, i have seen how that boy looks at you when you are out with him, it aint a pretty picture" what? Did he say how he looks at me when i am out with him? How in a world was he seeing us
Me:"bbe you've seen how he looks at me? How so? That’s not possible" He laughed
Thembu:"you've really underestimated this whole thing haven't you? Babe i am watching you, like literally watching you" i looked around feeling confused
Thembu:" stop what you are doing because you are not going to see me" ahh! Just like that I started shaking and got out of the car so that I can look around
Me:"Thembuluwo aren’t you in jail?" I was still looking around
Thembu:"yahh bbe I am at Pollsmoor and I am also everywhere…so tell that stupid friend of yours that next time he won’t be so lucky”
Me:"what happened to you? You've become so heartless"
Thembu:"you happen to me bbe?"
Me:"what?"I didn’t understand
Thembu:" its love Tshililo…i have realised something while in here and seeing you with that boy laughing and acting like a damn couple brought the worst person in me, the heartless person in me....i can honestly kill without even thinking twice whoever tries to be me in your life Tshili" owww lord what’s happening?
Thembu:" now I fully understand why Svig almost killed me after finding out that I slept with his wife, that’s the worst thing anyone can ever do to another man. Just try hooking up with anyone Tshililo…I will walk out of here within a blink of an eye…just try me"
Me:"owk" that’s all i could say, the Thembu I was talking to was a stranger, he didn’t sound like my husband, he sounded like the type that can tell you to futsek, he sounded like a real criminal
Thembu:"I love you and don’t lose hope because I will be out of here in no time
Me:” I love you too bbe"
Thembu:" I will give you a call tomorrow ok?”
Me:"owk bbe"
He dropped the call and I just stood there and looked around expecting to see someone looking at me in a strange way but there was no such thing. I walked back to the building and was even afraid to walk in. I found Bongani talking with Sihle.
Me:" i will give you guys more privacy" I was giving out that little fake laugh
Bongi:"no it’s fine, you have given us enough privacy" I dragged my feet and went to stand next to Sihle
Me:"so, how is the patient?"
Bongi:"much better, i have few injuries here and there but i will be fine....uhm Sihle can you get me some water please" Sihle walked out
Bongi:"owk talk to me what’s happening? And why are you trying to set me and Sihle up? Your face is telling me something, what happened Tshililo?"
Me:"do you still remember how the accident happened?" I was whispering
Bongi" some car just drove into me" I put one hand at the back of my neck
Bongi:"no Tshililo....you don’t think-"
Me:"it’s true" I was now pacing
Bongi:"it can’t be, it was just an accident, you are reading too much into this" I walked to him and leaned over
Me:"i am not reading too much into anything Bongi, he told me himself, he said it’s a warning and if we continue being friends he will kill you" he looked at me with his eyes wide open, yeahh he was that shocked
Bongani:"so Xolani was not just threatening me?"
Me:"no they don’t do threats, sorry"
Bongi:"but Tshililo how do you stay married to such a monster?" I slapped him across the face, I had already forgotten about the fact that he was in a hospital bed
Me:"he is not a monster damn it, he is a good husband so if he is really a monster then he is my monster, i am done here, try contacting me or coming to my house again if you wanna see your sorry as* dead"
Bongi:"Tshili" he gave me thee look
Me:"dont Tsh-" Sihle walked in with a glass of water.
Me:"you'll find me in the car" I walked to the door
Sihle:"what happened?"
Me:"i am sure your boyfriend over there will be happy to explain"
I walked out to my car. I know that maybe I over reacted with Bongani but how dare he call my husband a monster. I think what really hurts was the possibility of it being true. Truth always hurts and in this case it hurts so badly. Sihle walked back to my car after a while. I was about to start my car when she started talking.
Sihle:"owk drop the damn act Tshililo what is wrong with you? Are you angry that Bongi was giving me attention and not you?" Owk I looked at her and laughed for good five minutes shame, this was really the joke of the day
Me:"that’s supposed to be a joke right?" I was still laughing
Sihle:"don’t play dumb with me Tshililo, the least you can do is being honest with me as your friend"
Me:"oww you want honesty? How about this....your precious ex-boyfriend asked me why i was setting him up with you.....yeah and ow this will make you happy....i broke off our friendship, if there is such a thing as breaking off friendship but yeah that’s what i did and he doesn’t wanna let go owk, he doesn’t want this friendship to end"
Sihle:"you are lying"
Me:"i seriously don’t have time for this Sihle, walk back in and ask him what we were talking about and why he asked you to get some water, he wasn’t thirsty he wanted to talk to me, Happy now?"
Sihle:"he is in love with you isn't he?" She was sad
Me:"i don’t know and i actually don’t care, if you want him back then go for it, that guy is lonely, he need a girlfriend...i can tell you that much"
Sihle:"like that’s gonna help, how would i feel when i am with him knowing that he have feelings for you?"
Me:"but i am married and he can’t have me plus we are not 100% sure that he is into me in that way"
Sihle:"doesn’t matter, i want my own man mchana and i aint gonna play desperate girlfriend to Bongani" I laughed at ‘desperate girlfriend’ one thing I loved about this girl is that we never let anything come between us…including boys.
Me:"do you mind if we drive by Xolani's house? I wanna talk to him"
Sihle:"that’s fine, i will stay in the car though" i gave her thee look
Sihle:"it’s either that or you go alone" I started the car and drove to Xolani’s house. Yeah he was no longer staying at res. I had the keys for his house. I got there and went to the house
.
Me:"hey" I was smiling…he was sitting on the sofa with some girl. Xolani had been shagging different girls lately
X:"hi, mhm so Mrs Mudau thought about us today" …he got up and gave me a hug
Me:"mind to talk in private?"
X:"not at all" I walked to the kitchen and he followed me.
X:"so there is a reason why you came?"
Me:"i wanna apologise for everything, how i have handled myself, i promise it won’t happen again Xolani"
X:"and that Bongani champ?"
Me:"i am through, i talked to Thembu this morning and i realised what i have turned him into, i don’t want that for him"
X:"you are like a sister to me Tshililo and when Thembu asked me to accept your friendship with that boy, i only accepted it because he asked me to and i couldn’t keep fighting with my brother’s wife but i didn’t like it at all, i know we forgave each other but it was hard for me....and when he asked me to deal with him, i was happy to" i felt numb, hearing Xolani talking about it made it seem even more real....
Me:"i know" I felt like my head was spinning
X:" i know it’s a long wait Tshililo but you have the money so treat yourself or travel or just do anything to keep yourself busy"
Me:"i actually wanna go back to school and do my experiential learning after I am done" he smiled
X:"wow Thembu will be happy to hear that"
Me:"i know"
Zwi a Penga
Insert 47
Four years later
THEMBULUWO
So Polsmoor had become my home. We’ve applied for a parole to the parole board and they were busy with their investigations to see if we deserved to be out or not. I was hoping for the best though. Sticks and I had become so close…I mean four years together was a big thing. Jay’s parole was successful last year and he left us in there. We were fine though, we already knew the place and the people so all was well. Tshililo seemed fine now…ever since that Bongani episode four years ago I didn’t hear anything else regarding a man. She was focused on being a mom to our son and to building her own career…I was happy that she was doing something with her life. I’d seen her a couple of times and damn people she was getting beautiful by the day. As for Xolani…yerrrr that nigga deserved a brother of the decade award…he was more than what I deserved and sometimes I felt like I owed him my life. He was taking care of the whole family financially…they all had everything they wanted. My son was also enrolled at a good school bruh…he was still at pre-school but it was the best one in George. I wished I could get a chance to see him go to school. Tshililo had brought him here a couple of times and damn she as doing a good job with him…he was an intelligent little boy who always had something to say.
TSHILILO
If I say that things had been easy the last four years then I’ll be lying to myself and everyone else. I had to juggle being at school and being a mom. When I was done with my school I started working and I had to juggle work plus being a single mom and doing prison visits and had to answer all the questions from my son about his father as he grew up. He was only four but too intelligent for his age. He looked like Thembuluwo more and more…every time I looked at him I was reminded of my husband. Xolani was not sleeping around anymore…he had a steady girlfriend…her name was Zoleka…they’d been together for 2 years now. Things between them looked fine and Zoleka and I were now close…she knew about Xolani’s job and just like me, she loved Xolani enough to accept everything and move on. My mom had given up on trying to make me leave my husband. She could see how much I loved him and how I had no intention of leaving him anytime soon. So my little sister Onndwela and Thembu’s sister Rendani were now studying at the University of Cape Town. Rotenda was still working here and Sihle was working in Knysna but we used to go out together most of the times. We were all close by now. Ow one more thing…Sihle was married to some guy. They seemed good together; he was also staying and working in Knsyna. After finishing my Diploma I did my Btech and I was currently working in one of the conservation organisations in George. Ow there was Bongani…well me and him cut our ties right after that accident…I didn’t want to get the poor guy killed so we never hang out after that.
So this is how my regular day looked like. I prep myself for work and my son for school. I drop him off at the preschool and go to work. After work I go pick him up and we go home. Weekends I chill with my friends or alone with my son. Some nights we go out and I will leave my son with his nanny and have some fun with Rotenda and Sihle. That was about it. I’d go back home in Venda during long weekends and my son usually go there during school holidays. My sister and Rendani would come and visit me some time on weekends...usually when they were broke and wante me to give them more cash…they had become so close, more like besties.
I was out with my friends on Friday night. Mind you…Sihle had to drive back to Knysna after all this. So we were having fun when I spotted Ndivhuwo ordering some drinks at the bar. Ndivhuwo was my colleague, we were working together in the same organization…he was my senior at work though, more like my supervisor but we got along very well. You know that situation when you meet a fellow Venda person in Western Cape. You automatically become close. There was always something about him though…the way he looked at me every time we were in the same room…it was weird and it made me a little bit uncomfortable. I spotted him eyeing me and excused myself from the ladies and I walked to him and we greeted. He was shocked to see me and said that he never expected to see me in a club. Anyway we chatted for a minute or so and he asked me out for lunch tomorrow….i was shocked; I mean the nigga used to see me every day at work, wasn’t that enough? He wanted my weekends too? Well I didn’t expect that from him and I said that I’ll be having an afternoon with my son. Well that was the truth…Saturday’s where my bonding time with my son. He didn’t try to force me, he just said cool and I walked back to my friends. My friends were taken…they were drooling over him and they didn’t understand why I’d turn down lunch with such a hot guy…well it was simple…I was married. I got to admit though…there was a tiny bit of me that was curious about lunch with him. I am not gonna lie, the brother was hot people and he had this confident that made him more cute. He was tall, chocolate skin, maybe a size 32 so he wasn’t thin or chubby. He had a neat hair cut on…he loved jeans and a tucked in shirt and usually military boots.
So we were at the parking lot about to leave. Sihle volunteered to drive Rotenda to her place because it was on her way to George. We shared good night hugs and they got in the car and drove off. I waved at them getting ready to get into mine. I was opening the door when I felt my hair rising. I turned around and found him standing just behind me. I looked at him in shock and didn’t even know what to say.
Me:"uhm"
Owk my mouth went dry. And damn it, it happened…he was so hot he made me so wet. I tried to control myself while in the club because I had my friends and a whole lot of people but now I was here with him…alone. Even at work, we didn’t usually spend time alone just the two of us because there was always this vibe between us…it scared me to death though so I always made it a point to ignore him. I didn’t understand why I got wet but it happened. I leaked my mouth while looking at him and he did the same to his. With the speed of light he cupped my face and kissed me so hard….i hadn’t kissed anyone in years so please excuse me. I closed my eyes and blocked everything that was trying to stop me from doing what I was busy doing. I would deal with regrets later (i thought),all i wanted was to enjoy what was happening. I am also a human and i am not made of stone. I thought of my husband and wanted to let go but it was hard. I tried and tried and tried, how do you stop something so good and perfect, that’s how it was.....good and perfect. It took all my inner strength to push him away but I did
Me:"I can’t" I had tears in my eyes
"Tshili" he tried to move closer
Me:"please just stay away, I won’t have the strength to fight this again...just please" he just looked at me and damn his eyes did things to me that I couldn’t even understand
Me:"please i am begging you" he turned around to walk away but he looked at me again
"I love you" I quickly got inside the car and cried. I was feeling disappointed and scared. Like how could i be so stupid? What kind of a woman am i? Thembuluwo was so going to kill me. What really hurt was that i actually wanted more, like i wanted to just get down to it.
The following morning i could hardly get out of bed. I kept on thinking about last night and I felt embarrassed and scared. I didn’t want to face the world because I thought I had failed as a woman. The dreams I had last night where just horrible but i also liked them, uhmm lemme rephrase that, i loved them, reason why? Well they made me feel alive for a moment. In my dreams the kiss I shared with Ndivhuwo had been transformed into something more. I just couldn’t believe what was going through my mind. At least now i know i am still human and my feelings are not dead. I was still as confused as f*** when someone called me. I answered the call without checking the caller ID
"Tshililo"
Me:"Hi"
“how did you sleep?" I removed the phone from my ear and checked the caller…I didn’t know the number
Me:"who is this?"
"Ndivhuwo" dammit!
Me:” What do you want Ndivhuwo? And how did you get my contact numbers?" after last night I knew that I needed to stay far far away from this guy because if I don’t then this will be the end of him
Ndivhuwo:"from staff contacts"
Me:"so you stole them?”
Ndivhuwo:"forgive me for doing that" I just kept quiet
Ndivhuwo:" I am battling to forget about last night, i didn’t sleep Tshililo, you are all I was thinking about"
Me:"it’s too early can I please go back to sleep” I just didn’t want to tell him that I also didn’t sleep
Ndivhuwo:"it’s past 9 already"
Me:"Doesn’t matter"
Ndivhuwa:"i meant what i said when I was leaving"
Me:"ndivhuwo no please” the last thing i needed was to be loved by someone else because that person will be signing off a death wish
Ndivhuwo:"Tshili don’t do this, you also saw what happened last night, i know you feel the same....we share something similar"
Me:"that was just a moment of weakness, i don’t share anything with you, I am married"
Ndivhuwo:"what? You’re married?” I dropped the call and went back to bed. I had two rings for heaven’s sake…everyone is supposed to know I am married.
I woke up after a while and my phone rang. I checked the caller ID and it was the prison number. Thembuluwo was calling. I was nervous. I mean what if he knew about last night and had already put up a plan to kill the poor Ndivhuwo? I let it ring to voice mail. He called again and I decided to just pick up. Well we talked casually like nothing happened, he even talked to his son like he always do. Later that afternoon Xolani came to pick my son up. We didn’t plan it but he just asked to have him for the weekend because Zoleka went home and he was bored. I didn’t want my son to leave because I planned on spending a weekend with him but they both begged me so I had no choice. I was going to spend what’s left of the weekend all alone.
Monday morning I went to work and guess who the first person to come to my office was? Well yep Ndivhuwo…he actually walked after me, as if he was waiting for me to arrive.
Ndivhuwo:" Morning" he was smiling
Me:"morning to you too" I was sitting on my chair and switching my laptop on
Ndivhuwa:"i figured that since it’s cold I should make you a cup of coffee"
Me:"no thanks I’m fine"
Ndivhiwo:"Tshililo"
Me:"no Ndivhuwo" I stood up and looked at him
Ndivhuwo:"just give me a chance"
Me:"what chance? I am married" he looked at me like he didn’t believe what I was saying
Ndivhuwo:"how so? You never talk about a husband, all you talk about is your son....i thought the ring was just to make the men stay away after your bad experience with men....most girls do that" i laughed shame
Me:"sorry to disappoint but I am really married...it’s been five years now" he popped his eyes out
Ndivhuwo:" how old where you when you get married?"
Me:"Doesn’t matter"
Ndivhuwo:"owk i get that....so what about Friday night, have you done something like that while you were married?" I shook my head
Me:" it scared me” he looked relieved
Ndivhuwo:"Ok, so how about lunch today?"
Me:"Ndivhuwo"
Ndivhuwo:"Tshili I understand that you are married so let’s just go for a harmless lunch...today only…lets go to the restaurant across the street" owk just a harmless lunch in public, it can’t be that bad plus i don’t think we can lose it in a restaurant
Me:"just lunch"
Ndivhuwo:" thank you"
Me:" can I please start working?"
Ndivhuwo:"of course" he smiled walking to the door
Ndivhuwo:" ow here is your coffee"
Me:" no I am fine, thanks though"
THEMBULUWO
So we had a meeting with the parole board representative and our lawyer. They informed us that we’ve been granted parole based on good behaviour. Damn bruhh we screamed and shoulder bumped and almost danced. They told us that they had some paper works to sort out though so we were going to walk out of prison in less than two weeks. Two weeks bruh…I can do two more weeks. My first instinct was to call my wife but I decided against the idea. I wanted to call her when I was going back home in a day. I didn’t want her to feel like pushing the days. I thought of holding my son in my hands and making love to my wife…damn.
TSHILILO
During lunch Ndivhuwo and I went to the restaurant just across the street. We got there and picked a table.
Ndivhuwo:"thanks for this"
Me:" its fine" the waiter took our order.
Ndivhuwo:"so, can i get to know you? I mean i just know that you work with me, you have a son, you drive a Benz and i just found out that you are married"
Me:"how about you tell me about you, i know nothing about you too" I was smiling
Ndivhuwo:"there is not much to tell Tshili"
Me:" there has to be something"
Ndivhuwo:"owk i am 30, I have a daughter who is three, i was never married but i did stay with the mother of my daughter until last year when we broke up. I only started working here last year and before that I was working in Kimberly"
Me:"your family?" he looked at me and laughed a bit
Ndivhuwo:"my family is my daughter for now"
Me:"what happened?" I was curious to know
Ndivhuwo:" we’ll discuss that some other time. And oww about Friday night. I don’t usually do that. I am actually in control nearly all the time but what happened on Friday really took me by surprise”
Me:"i see"
Ndivhuwo:" now you know a little about me…let’s hear you"
Me:" I got married when I was 20 and i was pregnant at the time and I was still studying at NMMU, family wise…I have one sister and my mom is still very much alive and don’t ask about my dad and I am from Tshikombani"
Ndivhuwo:"so where does hubby work?" our food arrived and we started eating. I focused on the food trying to think of what to say.
Me:"he Doesn’t" he stopped eating and looked at me, he was shocked
Ndivhuwo:"ow?"
Me:" he is arrested” I said that looking at my plate
Ndivhuwo:"sorry Tshililo" his voice was down
Me:"its fine"
Ndivhuwo:" when? If you don’t mind me asking"
Me:"it’s been four years now" he couldn’t hide the shock on his face.
Ndivhuwo:"uhm i am really sorry"
Me:"yeah its life"
Nduvhuwo:"i don’t mean to be insensitive but you haven't like cheated on him? Like ever? I am asking this because of your reaction Friday night" i shook my head
Ndivhuwo:"wow so there are still some loyal women out there?"
Me:"i guess so" I smiled a bit
Ndivhuwo:"should i apologise for doing what we did the other night?"
Me:"no its fine.....uhm let’s talk about something else please"
Ndivhuwo:"as you wish ma’am....so are you into sports?"
The following morning I went to work. Guess who walked into my office after me again? Ndivhuwo
Ndivhuwo:"morning"
Me:"hey" I must admit the brother looked good shame.
Ndivhuwo:"you look good"
Me:"thanks" i smiled at him, hahaha new clothes wethu, yep I went shopping after work yesterday
Ndivhuwo:"can I please buy lunch and we can eat here in your office together at lunch time? I really had a great lunch yesterday with you” I laughed
Me:" ow really now?"
Ndivhuwo:" yep really Tshili" he was smiling
Me:"owk see you at lunch then"
Ndivhuwo:" we can start with tea time together…I will bring it here as well"
Me:"Ndivhuwo please"
Ndivhuwo:"what? Can’t a man spend some time with the woman he loves? What if i wanna spend some time with you, is that a crime?"
Me:"you said love? Again?" I said looking at him and he looked back at me. He walked to the door and i was glad he was leaving but he didn’t leave, he closed the door and locked it instead. Yohh my heart started beating out of my chest. I knew what was about to happen. I was in a small dress and a legging and some boots and leather jacket. At that moment i was thankful i had the legging on because I honestly couldn’t trust myself around him.
Zwi a Penga
Insert 48
Me:"Ndivhuwo what are you doing?"
Ndivhuwo:"i don’t know" he came closer to me and cupped my face with both his hands
Ndivhuwo:"i haven't felt like this with anyone in a while"
Me:"me too, but i am married and i am scared Ndivhu" Crap!!! What did i just call him?
Ndivhuwo:"i wish I was not feeling what I am feeling"
I wrapped my hands around his neck and he bent over to kiss me. We kissed for a while until he took me and put me on my table. He had his hands on my waist as we were busy kissing. Honestly speaking I was enjoying every part of the kiss. I missed doing this and what i felt for this guy was way stronger than......uhm i wanted to say than anything i had ever felt but no matter how good it was, it couldn’t be compared to what I felt for my husband. I closed my eyes and surrendered my whole self to him, I had made peace with what was happening. There was no need fighting it because it was a losing battle, I felt something strong for this guy and if Thembu decided to kill me for it then it was worth it. I’d been patient people, I tried to wait…four years is a lot of time. I also wanted to feel alive and Ndivhuwo made me feel like that. I snapped out of my thoughts when he stopped kissing me and just hugged me tight.
Ndivhuwo:"god knows what i wanna do with you right now Tshililo"
Me:"so?" I asked because i was so high and i wanted him to do me
Ndivhuwo:"not like this and not here"
Me:"ow"
Ndivhuwo:"are you sure though?"
Me:"i don’t know, but i do know i am still young and deserve to be happy"
Ndivhuwo:" I love you babe" he called me babe? It sounded so wrong, I was only used to one person calling me that so I didn’t say anything
Ndivhuwo:"i know Tshililo, i don’t expect you to tell me anything ok?"
Me:"ok"
Ndivhuwo:"so, can we go out to dinner tonight? With your son?"
Me:"what? Ndivhuwo my son knows his father so who will I say we are going to dinner with? And when he tells his dad about you? What will I say then?"
Ndivhuwo:"oww sorry i didn’t think that far"
Me:"yeah you didn't" I got off from his embrace and stood from a distance…I was timid
Ndivhuwo:"so movies? Just me and you?"
Me:" and who will be with my son when I am doing movies with you?"
Ndivhuwo:" we can have an early movie and I can get him a nanny please Tshililo" I didn’t have a problem with going out with this guy but I had a problem with losing him so soon. I knew for a fact that if a word gets out that I was being spotted with a man after spending such a long time all by myself then it will be the end of him
Me:"Ndivhuwo just stop it ok?" He looked at me and gave me thee look shame, he turned and went to the door
Ndivhuwo:"sorry Tshililo" he was opening the door and I ran to him
Me:" I am sorry, i am just...I’m scared" he closed the door and cupped my face again and looked into my eyes
Nduvhuwo:" Do you think I am not scared? I am in love with another man's wife, it makes me feel bad and I ask myself if I am not setting myself up for heartbreak but Tshililo I am trying but i can’t stay away" i felt my heart melting, for that moment i wished things were different, wished i was not in this mess i was in
Me:"i am not just scared of the fact that i am in lo....uhm ahhh" what the hell did I wanted to say? I can’t believe i almost said it out loud. Ndivhuwo looked at me in horror and tried to kiss me.
Me:"just stop Ndivhuwo, i think i wanna go home, you are my supervisor so you’ll have to understand…I am taking a day off" I was trying to switch off my laptop with my hands shaking. Apart from the fact that I was scared of Thembu finding out about us I was mostly scared of my feelings for him, what if I was really in love with him? No i needed to stay away, maybe quit this job. He came to me and grabbed my hands
Ndivhuwo:"babe you can’t run away from this, you love me Tshililo you do" i yanked my hands out of his grip and put the laptop in the bag
Me:"it doesn't matter how i feel Ndivhuwo they’ll kill you"
Ndivhuwo:"huh?" Someone knocked on the door.
Me:"come in" Ilouise who was our receptionist walked in
Ilouise:"uhm Raylie said you should send her the report for the survey you did last week, she needs it before the end of today"
Me:"but you could have just called"
Ilouise:"i did....but....you....didn’t pick up"
Me:"ow uh owk" honestly I didn’t hear the phone ringing. Ilouise looked at Ndivhuwo and then walked out.
Ndivhuwo:"so who’s gonna kill me?" I sat on the chair and took a deep breath. I had to tell him the truth; it’s the only way he was going to stay away
Me:" my husband…he’s in prison for dealing drugs" yohhh he looked at me with a face that said ‘I am sacred’
Me:"it’s not just that, he is also part of a gang" he closed his eyes and put his hands on his head
Ndivhuwo:"Tshililo washu"
Me:"sorry Ndivhuwo but we can't do this, they will kill you without even thinking twice" he looked at me
Ndivhuwo:"you can take a day off...i...have work to do" the look on his face was that of pain. He left me alone in the office and I cried. I was in serious pain and for the first time in my life I hated Thembuluwo. I hated him for everything he had done, for being arrested and for threatening every guy whoever showed interest to me. With Bongani I was cool because he was just a friend but Ndivhuwo I L…L…L…#sigh
I got home and had nothing to do. It was still early in the morning. I changed into pyjamas and went back to bed. I was still trying to think about everything that was happening. I was still in love with my husband, yes but i also wanted Ndivhuwo for myself. I was confused, I didn’t know which one to do because keeping Ndivhuwo meant that I’ll be putting his life in danger. Thembuluwo called me while I was in bed. I told him I was fine but had a little bit of a headache. He sounded really fine. We talked for a little while and I told him that I was feeling lonely and alone…I also told him about how much I missed him. He told me to hang in there and that he’ll try his best to come back to me. It was after Thembu’s call when I received a message from Ndivhuwo.
"I don’t know what to make of what you told me today, like i am trying to understand how you ended up with such a dangerous group of people, it doesn't make sense at all. I wanna talk to you Tshililo, i wanna understand how you tolerate that lifestyle. And if i can, i wanna help. You seemed scared earlier on, like you knew that they will really kill me. Help me understand all this, then i will really let go"
I felt that I needed to talk to him in person so that he’ll understand. I texted him saying that I will come back to the office at lunch time to talk to him. He immediately replied and said it was ok.
Round at about lunch time I drove back to the office. I walked past the reception to his office. He saw me walk in and stood up.
Ndivhuwo:"I was struggling to work” he sat on the table and I sat on the chair
Me:" so what do you want to know?"
Ndivhuwo:"this whole thing Tshililo, how did you marry a drug lord?" I gave him a fake laugh
Me:"it’s not like that, he wasn’t into drugs when we met....we are the same age and he started dealing because of me, he wanted to help his family plus me. We were doing second year together at NMMU. He didn’t have a choice; we could have both dropped out of school if he didn’t start selling”
Ndivhuwo:"ow"
Me:"so he is not a monster you think he is, i am the only thing that really matters to him....he don’t wanna lose me, in fact he is terrified of losing me so you see why i say he will kill you?" Saying this sentence made me realise why Thembuluwo was so controlling, he was scared, scared he might lose me.
Ndivhuwo:"that’s...that’s uhm i don’t know what to say"
Me:"i am me because of him, my salary can’t really support my lifestyle not even half of it, it’s all his money....he paid for my varsity fees, everything was because of him"
Ndivhuwo:"so you feel that you owe him?"
Me:"not exactly, i love him and he loves me too...i can’t break his heart"
Ndivhuwo:"i get it"
Me:"i better go then"
Ndivhuwo:"i still love you though"
Me:"i know and i might hand in my resignation letter tomorrow, we can’t continue doing this"
Ndivhuwo:"No Tshililo please, think about it"
Me:"i am thinking about it....see you tomorrow, have to go fetch my son"
Ndivhuwo:"owk tomorrow then"
Rendani and Onndwela came over to George for the weekend. Xolani and Zoleka also came to our house so we had a full Mudau house on a weekend. It was great to have them both here. My son was happy to have his two aunts with him
It was Saturday morning and Zoleka and I were busy in the kitchen cooking
Me:"you don't look too happy" I said standing against the kitchen
Zoleka:"is it that obvious?"
Me:"i am a woman just like you and i have done it quite a number of times so i can tell that you aren't happy"
Zoleka:"i can’t do this anymore Tshili, i am seriously tired"
Me:"what do you mean? What’s tiring you?"
Zoleka:" Everything, the drug thing...the girlfriend thing...Xolani says he is not ready for marriage yet" oh ow
Me:"i think you should be patient with him. Xolani saw me and Thembuluwo getting married at 20 and he also saw all the trials we went through, i think he is trying to protect you Zoleka, it’s not like he don’t want to...he loves you, i know he does"
Zoleka:"i don’t know anymore"
Me:"we are talking about Xolani here, he doesn't go out much anymore, he is usually at home with you or my son"
Zoleka:"another thing is waiting for him when he is out working, i can’t stop worrying, did you ever get used to it?" i shook my head
Me:"nope i never got used to it, but right now i miss that feeling, the feeling of having sleepless nights as i wait for my man to come back home, the fear, the danger...all of that, i miss it so much....right now my life is empty, the same every day, i have no challenges and nothing to look forward to except for my son of course...it was like that until...." until Ndivhuwo came along. I wished i could tell Zoleka about him but i couldn’t trust her to keep it from Xolani
Zoleka:"until?"
Me:"i started working" i had to lie
Zoleka:"ow"
Me:"yeah so stop worrying and be happy you still have him" she gave me a smile.
So Ndivhuwo called me in the afternoon and I couldn’t really talk to him because we had a full house and I didn’t want Xolani to start being suspicious so I told him that I will give him a call before going to bed. So we stayed up as we laughed and chat until after 12 am and that’s about time that we both decided to go to bed. Xolani and Zoleka drove home. I remembered that I promised Ndivhuwo a call. I got into bed and called him. Shame I woke him up from his sleep. He told me that he waited for my call until he fell asleep. I told him that it was busy up until now and he said that I should at least make it up to him. He asked me to meet up with him now as a way to make it up to him.
Ndivhuwo:"i won’t sleep with you i promise, i just wanna spend some time with you" he said after I went silent on his request to come see me. He suggested picking me up and bringing me back before anyone wakes up
Me:"even if it means a death sentence?"
Ndivhuwo:"yes even if it means a death sentence" i thought about it
Me:"so we are just gonna chill?" I wanted to know, i was tempted to go
Ndivhuwo:"yes" this guy was like a magnet and i was a coin, I was battling to stay away from him
Me:"i will send you the address now" I dropped the call and went to the bathroom to freshen up. I wore some tracksuits and a sneaker. I wanted to make sure that I don’t make any sound when I leave. I walked out the gate and he was waiting for me. We greeted each other and he drove away. We drove to Wilderness beach. We got out of the car and he took my hand. I looked at him
Ndivhuwo:"i usually come here when i am down and wanna think" the place was quiet…the only sound was that of waves
Me:"ow"
Ndivhuwo:" I just sit here and listen to the waves and count them"
Me:" does it help?"
Ndivhuwo:" a lot" we went to sit on the sand and looked at the water. We spent few minutes without saying anything.
Me:"you scare me"
Ndivhuwo:"i know, you've never done this before and you must be asking yourself so many questions"
Me:"a lot"
Ndivhuwo:"i have learned to take things as they are; it worked for me in the past"
Me:"talking about the past, you said you were gonna tell me about your family"
Ndivhuwo:"do you really wanna know?"
Me:"yeah i do, you know so much about me already" we were not looking at each other
Ndivhuwo:"i don’t remember anything about my mom or my dad...they died when i was young, my dad killed my mom and then killed himself. Nobody was prepared to take care of me and I was only a year old so I was taken to a children’s house. I grew up there, went to school while staying there and passed my Grade 12 and then got a bursary and the rest is history” owk i turned around and looked at him for the longest time, i was trying to look for that young abandoned boy he was telling me about, i couldn’t find him, all i could see was a strong man
Me:"uhm...i don’t know what to say Ndivhuwo"
Ndivhuwo:" I get it. Every month I take 50% of my salary and send it to the home I grew up in, i don’t give them cash but i buy stuff every months, i wanna help other kids because I also got help from others"
M:"wow"
Ndivhuwo:"life is what it is....i just come here and sit and try to imagine my parents, what i have missed while growing up"
Me:"i am so sorry"
Ndivhuwo:"its fine"
Me:"life is just unfair" i was feeling so emotional
Ndivhuwo:"i feel complete right now with you"
Me:"Ndivhuwo"
Ndivhuwo:"i know Tshililo you are married"
Me:"that’s not what i wanted to say" I went in front of him and sat on my knees between his legs
Me:"you make me feel things i never felt since Thembuluwo left me, I feel alive but I am just terrified” I was touching his face
Ndivhuwo:" what do we do now? It’s all up to you....but i can tell you that i want you so bad"
Me:"let me think about it" he looked at me and smiled.
We hugged with me in front of him for a very long time. After that I rested my head on him and we just talked. We talked about general things. He told me about his daughter and I told him about my son too. We sat there until about three in the morning and that’s when he decided to take me back home. He kissed me briefly before I got out of his car. Sneaking out of the house for Ndivhuwo was...well....it was worth it. After living a routine life that seemed so dull for four years, i was finally getting excited and looking forward to the following day. As for resigning…I was so not going to do it anymore…I couldn’t stay away from him anymore.
Saturday morning I woke up really late. I found my sister sitting on my bed looking at me as soon as I opened my eyes. Apparently Ndivhuwo sent an sms and Onndwela managed to read it. She was able to put together the pieces and came out with the fact that I was cheating on my husband. My sister was not a child anymore…she was 20 so I had to be honest with her in order for her to understand. I told how about how it really felt like to be alone for four looooong years. How my life had been the same routine for all these years, how I had dreaded watching romantic movies…how I almost cried when I saw couples in the mall, how my heart hurt every time I look at Xolani and Zoleka or Sihle and her husband…I felt like my life had been standing still for four years…it’s been hard. I told her about what Ndivhuwo made me feel…how alive I felt when I was with him…I really needed him in my life. My sister looked at me with an understanding look. She told me she understood but that I should just try to keep my phone safe because what If Rendani was the one who read the messages. Ndivhuwo called me throughout the day on a Sunday and we talked and laughed. Xolani took my son with him on Sunday afternoon and said he’ll bring him back some time during the weekend so I was all alone.
Monday morning I went to work. I managed to do my work without him interrupting me. I could feel that I missed him but I had to try and be strong here. So he came to my office just before I knocked off. He asked me to eat dinner with him in his house. He said that he was going to cook for me. He asked me to bring everything I’ll need for the night because we were going to spend the night at his house and then come to work together the following day. I was game shame, I had no reason to say no to this. My son was with Xolani and i guess this was my chance to actually get laid after four dry years. I told him that he will have to come pick me up. I didn’t want to drive to Ndivhuwo’s house just in case my car get tracked.
After work I drove by the mall to buy myself new lingerie and something to wear for that evening. I had to look good for this. I was also feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing. This wasn’t just about me getting laid after four years; it was also about cheating on my husband. I went home and then took a long shower…I had to make sure I Looked fine for this guy. After the shower I wore my lingerie, some high heels and just a coat. I then put on some make up and did my hair. i walked out the house and out the gate where Ndivhuwo was waiting for me. He complemented me as soon as I got to his car. I just smiled and thanked him. We then drove to his house. He had a beautiful home…not too big though but it was just a good enough house. We got there and kissed and played and then I helped him with cooking. We were saving the love-making for after dinner.
THEMBULUWO
Owk so we were finally told that the paper works had been finalised and we were going home tomorrow. Yeses the excitement I had neh? It was already late but I knew that I had to let my wife know that I was coming back home tomorrow so that at least she can take a flight from George to Cape Town. Sticks and I were celebrating. The guys were also throwing us some sort of a party. I knew what I had to do….we had to try get hold of a phone tonight so that we can let our wives know.
TSHILILO
After cooking we ate and then washed the dishes and then went to the bedroom. We were busy kissing and doing the nasty, my lingerie was still on me and we were about to take it off…this was before we made love and then my phone rang. Ndivhuwo insisted on me not picking up the call. But I told him that I had to pick up because it could be something about my son. I sat on the edge of the bed and took the phone. Ndivhuwo was fully hard by then because I had already given him a full on BJ. I checked the caller and it was Thembuluwo. The f***!.... I started panicking.
Zwi a Penga
Insert 49
I didn’t want to pick up but then again what if he knew I wasn’t home and was coming here? It’s better if I pick up and hear what the story was and then possibly warn Ndivhuwo to run. I picked up the call and I was shocked when I heard Thembu’s most excited voice. So he didn’t know anything, then why was he calling me so late? He told me that he was coming back tomorrow yohh…I literally fell to the floor in shock. I quickly got up and took the phone. He said it again…he had applied for a parole and tomorrow he was coming back home. He told me to book a first flight to Cape Town…I screamed and laughed and jumped and asked him if he was not playing a prank on me…he said he was being real. We ended the call and I couldn’t hide my excitement
Me:"yeeesssssss!!" I was too happy and i couldn’t control it. I turned around and Ndivhuwo had already put his trousers on looking at me.
Me:"Ndivhuwo I need to go" I took my coat in a rush
Ndivhuwo:"Tshililo you are joking right?"
Me:"Thembu is coming back tomorrow; I have to go to Cape Town to pick him up”
Ndivhu:”what about me?"
Me:"huh uh Ndivhuwo you don’t expect me to stay do you?" he walked to me and held me by my waist
Ndivhuwo:"Tshililo I love you so much, don’t do this to me please, don’t go back to him. If you are afraid that he will kill you then don’t worry about it, I I’ll surely protect you. We can move tomorrow and go to another province please just don’t leave me" I looked at him with my eyes wide open and i had the what the F*** look on
Me:"Ndivhuwo i am married to that guy and i love him....i never lied to you and said i don’t...please just accept this" I got away from him and wore the coat. I looked around for my shoes
Ndivhuwo:"what about us?"
Me:"us?"I was looking at him buttoning my coat
Ndivhuwo:"so you never loved me?"
Me:"don’t do this to me Ndivhuwo...this...us…" I pointed at him and then at me
Me:"it never happened and it can never be spoken of....if you ever talk about this then it will be the end of you" I wore my shoes and then walked out of the bedroom and he followed me
Ndivhuwo:"Tshililo bbe please I love you, what do you want me to do?" he was behind me. I looked at him and my heart broke. I was surely feeling sorry for him but my hands were tied here…Thembuluwo was my husband and I was not going to leave him for someone I just met.
Me:"Ndivhuwo I love Thembuluwo with all my heart, it’s always been him...i am sorry that we got this far but i cant anymore" he went down on his knees in front of me and took my hands
Nduvhuwo:"Tshililo I love you like i have never loved someone before, i want you to be my wife Tshililo....choose between me and him please...choose me" i closed my eyes and then looked at him
Me:"you can’t expect me to be choosing because it’s all clear, i am in love with that guy, i never stopped loving him....now let me call the cab" I removed my hands from him and took out my phone
Ndivhuwo:"so you are really leaving?” I nodded…he got up from the floor and breathed
Ndivhuwo:" I will drive you then"
Me:" no that’s not going to work. With Thembuluwo coming back maybe his brother is in my house already so I don’t want to take that risk” he looked at me…he looked really tired
Me:" I am sorry that we have to end it here" he just breathed and looked at me with his hands on his hips. After a while he came to me and gave me a hug
Ndivhuwo:"if ever you need me Tshililo, i am here"
Me:"thanks"
Ndivhuwo:"can i kiss you, for the last time?"
Me:"i cant" I took out my phone and called the cab and then waited
Ndivhuwo:" I will see you at work on Wednesday then?”
Me:" I don’t think I will be able to come this whole week"
Ndivhuwo:"but Tshililo you have work to do"
Me:"you don’t get this do you? My husband has been arrested for four years and now he is finally coming back...going to work is the last thing on my mind, i might even quit, i don’t know" i was smiling, he gave me this funny look that I didn’t even understand. As much as I was excited, I was also nervous and feeling guilty about what I had been doing with Ndivhuwo. I was seriously praying that Thembu don’t find out about it because otherwise it would be the end of me.
THEMBULUWO
I hardly slept the whole night. I woke up the following morning with butterflies in my stomach. I just couldn’t wait to finally meet my wife. So we signed all the paper works and changed into our clothes. Sticks and I kept on looking at each other and smiled. We were finally told that it’s time to go. We got out of the building and we stood at the entrance and finally felt the sun on our skin. We shoulder bumped and laughed. We walked out the gate and we found our wives waiting for us. Tshililo had hired a BMW…. Sticks wife was in an Audi. I looked at Tshililo standing with her back against the car and melted into a big smile. She looked beautiful yessssesss….she was in shorts people, I was sure she wore that for me…she also wore one of those crop what what tops and a Timbaland…I looked at her with my one hand on my chin and shook my head. I walked to her and she walked to me too. I finally met her and we hugged. I spun her around as I let it all sink in.
Me:” my wife, the mother of my son”
Tshili:” my husband…the father of my son” she was crying. I broke the hug and started kissing her. Damn I missed her so much
Tshili:"so it’s not a dream?"
Me:"i am here babe your V boy is back" she held me so tight…I laughed and then spun her around. I put her on the floor and starred at her
Me:"let’s go babe we have a lot to catch up on" all I wanted was to make love to my woman…I missed her so bad
So we booked a hotel room for that night. We couldn’t honestly drive to George or board a flight. Nope we had a lot of catching up to do. So we spent the whole night busy with it…we hardly slept bruhh…four years it’s a lot of time so I had to make sure that I gave her the best. I promised her not to ever leave her like that again. She was crying too much and kept on saying that me being away was painful and hard…I really felt bad for leaving her like that.
The following morning we were still on it. Tshililo saw the tattoos and wasn’t too happy. I told her why I got them and she seemed to understand. I told her that the triple T helped me cope and made me feel closer to her and my son and the number I had tattooed on me was for my survival. We left for the airport later in the afternoon. I kept on looking around realising how much I missed being free. We then went to the airport and boarded a flight to George. We were happy to be together and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We got to George and drove to Xolani’s house. It was late afternoon and my son was already back from school. Xolani didn’t know that I was coming back so he was seriously shocked to see me. Xolani was sitting with my son trying to teach something when we walked in. they just looked at us in shock. They realised that we were really there and then they ran to me…I held TJ in my arms and Xolani gave me a hug. We hugged for a very long time. Tshililo looked us and just smiled. The Mudau family was complete once again.
We sat with Xolani and Zoleka for about an hour and then told them that we had to leave. Xolani wanted to come with us but I told him that we needed some family moment. We went home and I felt emotional when I looked at my house. I hadn’t been there in four damn years. We walked in and I kept on smiling…I was carrying my son in my arms and he kept on asking me questions and talking none stop. So we took a shower and changed clothes. I was excited to be home and to be wearing my own clothes again. We went to the mall and did some shopping; we also bought clothes for me and a new cell phone. We were at the mall when Jay called me on Tshili’s phone. He asked me to come to his club. After the call I told Tshililo that I had to go to Jay’s club and she wasn’t too happy. She offered to go with me saying that she didn’t want to leave my site anymore…I agreed. We were done shopping and then dropped the baby at home after calling in the nanny, we then drove to Jay’s club. Tshililo had lot of texts coming through to her phone…i asked her who was texting and she said it’s a colleague. I looked at her body language and she seemed really nervous. I immediately felt anger taking over me. If this girl had been f*****g around then I will surely kill someone and go back to jail.
We got to the club and found Sticks and his wife getting out of the car at the parking lot. We greeted each other and our wives said that they were walking in with us. We just looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders and walked in. To our surprise everyone was there. Everyone in our team was there and they were throwing a welcome back party for us. Damn I looked at my wife and laughed. Everyone came and shoulder bumped with us. They were happy that we were back. Tshililo told me that the texts she was receiving were from Xolani as he was asking where we were. Damn i laughed and felt at ease…at least now I didn’t have to worry about some guy texting my wife. Svig also came to greet me…I don’t know if this was it, if I had paid for sleeping with his wife and if we were now cool.
So we had fun. People offered us drinks and the music was playing on the background. Everyone wanted to have a chat with us and they were kin to know how it was like. Bonita came to me after everyone had already greeted me and were now doing their own thing
Bee:"wow" she said that looking straight into my eyes. Tshililo was busy talking to some people
Me:"Bee" I was smiling. She came closer to me and we hugged.
Bee:"so jail wasn’t all bad huh...you look hot" i broke the hug and looked at her
Bee:"hotter than you were"
Me:"same to you boss" as usual, Bee was in some shorts, her usual boots and a vest. After all these years Bee was still the same person, with the same look
Bee:"ow really?"
Me:"yeah you are still as hot"
Bee:"and i have been saving my cookie for you" owk I opened my eyes wide and frowned
Me:"what?"
Bee:"i am happy to see you V Boy, we will finish this conversation some other time" she walked away; i just looked at her and smiled. After a while Sticks and I were asked to make some speech…we happily gave them a speech. Bee also had something to say…she was finishing off her speech when she said
Bee:" Sticks and V Boy as your boss i was expecting one of you to hit the dance floor"
Sticks:"how about Bee the boss show us" he was smiling
Me:"and if you go…" i paused, I wanted to tell her that i will hit it off with her...not for real though
Bee:"and you will assist me to deal with that s***?" she was looking at me and everybody's eyes also turned to me
Me:"i am lost"
Bee:"if i hit the dance floor...you will help me with that ordeal?" she was serious but she had a bit of a smile, i knew what she meant
"Say yes V boy" that’s what everyone was saying
Javas:"i don’t wanna hear what s*** she is talking about but just say yes bro...it’s not every day that Bee agree on dancing for us, in fact it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity" i looked at my wife
Tshili:"babe?"
Me:"u khou toda thuso kha mafhungo a murathu wawe (she wants help regarding her sister)" well I lied, I had no idea what’s been happening between Bee and her sister since I went in…. I used my own lingo only for me and my wife to hear
Tshili:"so...say yes"
Me:"i will do it" i knew what Bee was talking about...she was talking about sex
Bee:"deal" she gave us a big smile. The DJ played the music and ‘Beyonce and Nicki Minaj Feeling myself’ was on. She walked to the dance floor and started dancing. The guys whistled and the ladies screamed as Bee moved…she had the moves bruhh I was shocked. After dancing she walked to me and my wife and asked to speak to me in private. We walked outside.
Bee:"The excitement in me"
Me:"that’s why you even danced?"
Bee:"only you can make me do that in front of all the guys, you have that effect on me"
Me:"you were so sexy up there"
Bee:"i could have been more sexier if it was just us"
Me:"us?"
Bee:"you know what i mean"
Me:"i am not sure that i do...anyways, you called me out here because you wanna talk"
Bee:"i don’t wanna be calling you while you are with your wife so i just wanna ask if you can sort of like reserve some time for, just the two of us please, i know it’s gonna be busy for you because you just got out and you might wanna go back to Venda but i also need some time with you"
Me:"Bee"
Bee:"not sex Thembu, some alone time with you, that’s all i ask...as friends please" she looked desperate and different because Bee was not the one to use the word 'please' but she used it more than once here with me
Me:"i will make a plan"
Bee:"i respect that you have a wife but i just wanna talk, wanna hug you so bad, wanna lay my head on your chest...and right now it’s so damn painful, i wish i can get rid of your damn wife" her bossy look was back on, i just looked at her with a shocked expression. She walked to her car
Me:"Bee" I walked after her
Bee:"i will see you then Thembu, everything in my body need you so bad right now...i gotta get out of here"
It was as if she wanted to cry, i just looked at her as she hopped in her car and drove off. I shook my head as I let fear settle in…her feelings for me scared me…s*** was really about to hit the fan, Bee was not someone you'll want to mess with, let alone have sex with...owk she is sexy and a boy in me was shouting 'do it with her Thembuluwo' but a grown man in me was shouting 'danger, gevaar, ngozi, Khombo...run as fast as you can Thembuluwo'
Yeah Bee was a dangerous woman and sleeping with her could break my family, her feelings for me were too strong and after everything I have put my wife through I didn’t want to hurt her anymore, i needed to meet with Bee and make it clear that there was nothing between me and her. I went back to the party to my wife
After the party we drove back home. Zoleka and Xolani spent the night in my house. Our son also spent the night in our room…he didn’t want to leave my sight…he thought I was going to disappear on him again. So the following morning Xolani told us that he was moving in with us. Yohh I tried to talk him out of the idea but he didn’t want to hear anything. He said that after spending four years apart…all he wanted was to be close to me. Tshililo and I decided to let him be…if Xolani was like this then we knew better than to try and change his mind….i mean we knew that after a week or so he’ll want his own space. I asked Tshililo about her job and offered to take her to work…she told me that she wanted to spend more time with me and that she was going back to work on Monday So we decided to go back home to Venda and come back on a weekend. Yeah we didn’t want the family to find out from other people that I was back. We decided to leave that same day. Xolani was not leaving my site so he said he was leaving with us…Zoleka was not being left behind as well.
Zwi a Penga
Insert 50
Everyone at home was super excited to see me. My mom was beside herself…she even cried with Joy. We didn’t tell them that I was back or that we were coming home…everything was a surprise. On our second day home. I managed to have some talk with Xolani and I asked him about marrying Zoleka. He told me that he sure loved her but he was scared to turn into another TshiliThembu situation. He said he didn’t want to ruin the poor girl. That kinda hit home…I mean I started to feel bad…he was right though, I’d damaged the poor girl. Xolani tried to take his words back and said he didn’t mean it like that but I knew it was the truth. That evening I asked Tshililo if she regretted being with me. She looked at me and smiled and said that she didn’t regret it for a second…she said that if she was given a chance to do it again then she’ll still choose me.
The following morning I woke up and Tshililo was already out of bed. I woke up and went to the kitchen. Zoleka was preparing breakfast. I asked her for Tshililo and she said that she was on the phone…she said that pointing towards the garage. I then walked to the garage. I heard her whispering when I reached the door.
Tshili:"What? No i can’t....you seriously need to get a life and stop calling me....no please, I am in Venda right now" she turned around and saw me
Tshili:"uhm i have to go" owk i knew for a fact that something was going on here but I didn’t want to cause any drama with the whole family around
Tshili:"babe" she let out that fake smile. I put my hands in the air and walked away. One thing for sure, if Tshililo was lying to me then I was surely going to find out and when I do? She ran to me
Tshili:" what’s wrong?"
Me:" nothing, I am just hungry"
Tshili:"owk let me go help Zoleka out"
Me:"sure" I walked to Xolani’s room and he was still sleeping
Me:"Xolani wake up i think we have a problem" I shook him
X:"Thembu go away"
Me:"remember how you used to wake me up while i was sleeping with my wife? Well i am returning the favour"
X:"what do you want?"
Me:"how sure are you that Tshililo was not seeing anyone on my absence?"
X:"what do you mean?"
Me:"i caught her talking on the phone in the garage...in fact she was whispering bro...telling the person to stay away"
X:"the thing is she was not doing anything suspicious so we were not really following her around anymore"
Me:"do you think that maybe she met someone recently?" My blood was boiling. Xolani sat up.
X:"no not Tshililo"
Me:"i don’t know what I’d do if it’s true" I sat on the bed
X:"then hell will break lose"
Me:"you don’t get it Xolani, it’s not just about hell breaking lose and us running after whoever the guy will be and kill him...it’s about the fact that Tshililo actually let someone in her life, in her heart and she possibly...." i couldn’t say the words
Me:"it will kill me, she couldn’t have"
X:"let’s not get ahead of ourselves, we have nothing yet"
Me:"but what if we get something? Will i get over the fact that my wife has been with someone?"
X:"she did got over Terresa right?"
Me:"wow thanks Xolani"
X:"i don’t think there was anyone though" i just looked at him and walked out. The thought that my wife might have been seeing someone else was seriously stealing my happiness, i was feeling angry...not at her though but at myself, for hurting her and for leaving her. I was standing outside alone when Tshililo came to me
Tshili:"breakfast is ready bbe"
Me:"oww...do you mind if we talk?"
Tshili:"not at all"
Me:" come"
I took her hand and went to the bedroom and sat with her on the bed
Me:"bbe I want you to be honest and tell me the truth, no matter how ugly the truth might be I will open my heart and accept it”
Tshili::uhm ahh ok"
Me “this is awkward but it is eating me up…I trust that you will tell me the truth. Did you date anyone or be intimate with anyone while I was in prison?” Her eyes shot open and she just looked at me
Me:" tell me the truth please"
Tshili:"Thembuluwo uhm...bbe....ahhh...why are you asking?"
Me:"because I want to hear it from you babe, then i will....ahh try to forgive and forget? I don’t know" my heart was pounding
Tshili:"i didn’t cheat"
Me:" honestly?"
Tshili:" honestly come…lets have breakfast” she walked to the door...she seemed nervous and i knew that something was wrong
Me:"Tshililo!" She turned around and looked at me
Me:" this is your chance to tell me the truth; I am willing to understand what you'll tell me but if i find out myself..."
Tshili:" I thought you trust me, if you gonna go out and start digging then you lied about trusting me...i waited for you for four years Thembuluwo, lonely and miserable and the last thing i need is to be interrogated, can’t we just be happy? Please?" She said that and walked out of the door. I didn’t know what to do, let it go or what? But if Tshililo was lying to me neh? But she couldn't have. I mean I would have felt it when we made love for the first time right?
TSHILILO
In the afternoon Thembuluwo and Xolani left and went to check on Khathu. I took this opportunity and called Sihle. I was worried about Thembu’s interrogation earlier on. Sihle didn’t know about Ndivhuwo so I told her everything and she was shocked to the core. At first she was excited that I hooked up with such a hotty but she got shocked and scared for me when I told her that Thembu was back. She couldn’t believe me…me and her both knew that I was in big s***. She wanted me to tell the truth but it was already too late for that and I honestly didn’t buy the whole thing earlier on about him forgetting and forgiving me…all I had to do was pray that Thembuluwo don’t find out the truth.
THEMBULUWO
So we spent the whole week at home and went back to George on a Sunday. Being home was great though…we really had a great time and the family didn’t want us to go back but hey life had to move on and ours was in George.
Monday morning I decided to take my wife to work. I wanted to see where she worked and the people she worked with. So we got there and she introduced me to most of her colleagues...she made no mistake…she was introducing me as her husband and she looked happy to show me off. I mean let’s be honest people…as much as my dad was violent, he produced good looking seeds hey so I was good in the eye and the ladies kept on smiling at me. So after she had introduced me to her colleagues we went to her office and I looked around and felt proud of my girl…she’s done so much for herself. I decided not to be a nuisance and let her work. Her supervisor who was introduced to me as Ndivhuwo walked in while I was about to leave... I said goodbye and told her that I’ll come pick her up at 16:00 when she knock off.
TSHILILO
I looked through the window and saw Thembuluwo drive away.
Ndivhuwo:"wow"
Me:"if you don’t mind Ndivhuwo I need to finish last week’s report"
Ndivhuwo:"why are you doing this to me?"
Me:" doing what?"
Ndivhuwo:" you brought your husband here for me to see?"
Me:"i didn’t do that, he said he wanted to see where I work, I couldn’t say no to that"
Ndivhuwo:"so that’s the love of your life?"
Me:"Ndivhuwo get out"
Ndivhuwo:"I still love you Tshililo, i know your husband is a cheese boy and he is still young but i can give you more"
Me:"i care about you Ndivhuwo i do...you are a very good guy but I am not the right girl for you. I am married to the man that I really love and there is nothing we can do about it, you can get any girl you want Ndivhuwo…just don’t try to pursue me again” he walked to me and took both my hands
Ndivhuwo:"but i only want you, you are the one that i want" I removed my hands from his
Me:"no i cant and please stay away from me before you lend yourself in trouble…now can I work?” he looked at me and then walked out.
THEMBULUWO
After taking my wife to work I went to my house and later on I decided to go to Bonita’s house. I called her saying that I was coming before I drove there. I had to set the record straight with her. I loved my wife and I wasn’t going to hurt her again. That girl had suffered a lot because of me and after waiting for me for four years the last thing she needed was me cheating on her. I got to Bee’s house and walked in. I was shocked to find her in a dress…she was wearing a dress and no shoes…she sure looked hot
Me:"wow"
Bee:"my friend" she came closer to me and gave me a hug. For few seconds i forgot the speech i had prepared
Me:"uhm i...have never...."
Bee:"seen me in this?"
Me:"yeah"
Bee:"i am trying out new things, my sister is making me do it...she reckon i might score a boyfriend" she was smiling at me
Me:"and when am i meeting the sister?"
Bee:"soon" we sat on one sofa.
Bee:"you said you wanted to talk?"
Me:"about what i promised you, i can’t do it Bee, i have put my wife through a lot and things are starting to come together, i really can’t hurt her again"
Bee:"are you planning on telling her?"
Me:"it’s not just about her knowing, it’s also about myself...it’s not just me and her anymore Bee, we have a son and i can’t hurt him"
Bee:"so? ...."
Me:"i am sorry, i am putting my family first, i don’t mind being your friend but it ends there...i think you should open yourself up to new people" my mind was made up, sleeping with Bee could hurt my family and I had to prevent that. I wanted to be the kind of father that my son will be proud of one day
Bee:"i don’t want new people, all i ever wanted was you and now i just learned that i can’t have you"
Me:"sorry Bee" I said standing up. She also stood up and looked at me
Me:"Bonita no" she didn’t say anything, she just touched me and damn...
Bee:"please" she whispered and came closer. I looked at her dress and then at her face. What are you gonna do Thembuluwo, be a good man and walk away or risk hurting your wife again...tick tock...the voice in my heard whispered.
Me:"Bee" i whispered. I cupped her face and she closed her eyes, I touched her lips and felt that I really really wanted to kiss them. I closed my eyes and said F*** everything else. I started kissing her. She kissed me back and i started to feel her hands inside my t shirt, I carried her up and pinned her against the wall
Me:"i can’t" I stopped everything altogether and stood a distance from her
Bee:"Thembu"
Me:"no Bonita i have to go" I took my car keys and walked to the door, she ran to me and took my hand
Bee:"so this is it?"
Me:"yeah i am sorry"
Bee:"just so you know, i only love you and you are the only man who has made me feel like a woman but i guess it’s back to my bossy self"
Me:"i am sorry, that’s all i can say"
Bee:"sharp" i walked out of the door and went to my car.
I called Xolani on my way from Bonita and asked him to pick up my son from pre-school and keep him until tomorrow. I wanted to have some special alone time with my wife. Xolani didn’t mind at all. So I went shopping and bought everything I was going to need for the night and I made a romantic set up. I am talking about rose petals, Champaign, bubble bath, some strawberries and anything you can think of. So i went to pick her up from work and we came back home and had the time of our lives. It was during this beautiful night where I received a call from Jay saying that I should come for a meeting at his house tomorrow morning. Tshililo wasn’t happy about it. I promised her that I’ll find a way to get out. I had no idea how I was going to do it but I knew that I needed some freedom and that I didn’t want to go back to jail and leave my family again.
Me:" I want to apologise to you for eve-“ I said as we were finally having dinner that I prepared and after she had complemented me saying that it was great
Tshili:"babe please its fine"
Me:"no its not, I have hurt you and I want you to know that I am now committed to you and our son. I want us to be happy like we once were...the memories we shared together stayed with me while i was in jail but the pain I caused you haunted me, that’s why I don’t ever want to hurt you again"
Tshili:"Thembuluwo I need to tell you something" she looked like she wanted to cry
Me:" don’t sweat it babe, I know there is a lot you would like to say but tonight I just want to thank you, show you how much i appreciate you. Not many girls can go through what you’ve gone through and still be around. You accepted the nature of my job, you waited for me while I work night shift without knowing if I’ll make it back, we've had sleepless nights together when I couldn’t sleep, you've always supported me regardless of what I had done, you still stayed even after I cheated, you showed me nothing but love. Thank you for doing a great job of mothering my son all alone while I was away and i am here to hold your hand now so that we can do it together. I want us to have a big family together, love each other always. I am back for good nana" she had tears in her eyes by the time I finished talking. I got up and went to her and hugged her
Me:"it’s ok to feel emotional"
Tshili:"i...uhm...Thembuluwo"
Me:" talk to me babe; you said you wanted to tell me something?"
Tshili:" I…uhm I…uh"
Me:"yes?"
Tshili:" I love you too and i am happy that we are finally together again, i had already forgotten what it’s like to have you around" she said that and held me tight
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