Zwi a Penga (English version) 31-35

Zwi a Penga
Insert 31

4 weeks later
Xolani and I gave up on school. We were seriously struggling to find time to focus on the business plus school, we couldn’t make it work but we didn’t tell our parents about it. Tshililo tried to reason with me but I told her that I just didn’t have time. Bee was doing what she does best; she turned out to be good at her job. As for X and Sihle…things were great between them. My mom was still here with me, only my dad left…my mom wanted to show Tshililo the ropes regarding the baby, she didn’t want Tshililo to be discharged with her not around. My aunt at home was staying with my siblings in my mom’s absence. My birthday was last week…we didn’t do anything big because Tshililo was still in hospital...we just spent a day at the hospital with the whole family plus Sihle. We managed to get my dad the Audi A7 and Xolani also got himself a new black Audi A8. As for Teressa, I was still in contact with her. We were just calling and texting, nothing much and it felt good talking to her

So it was Friday and finally Tshililo was coming home with my son, damn I was over excited. Guess who also flew down to George for the occasion…my dad, Thendo and Rendani…damn I couldn’t believe it. So we did all the necessary preparation for the baby and then finally go to the hospital to pick Tshililo up. I went to pick her up alone and everyone else waited for us at home. I came back home with Tshili and the baby…you should have seen how everyone wanted to hold him and how they were fighting over him. Tshililo and I kept looking at each other and smile. I was just happy to be home with her, I missed having her at home. Everyone was still dotting over the baby when I took Tshililo to our bedroom for some quickie…well I am sad to say that it didn’t happen, she stopped me. Here Is the sick part…even though the baby was more than a month old…Tshililo and I couldn’t make love yet…yohh people I was sexually frustrated over here but she told me that my mom told her something about waiting three months or something like that…I still had to survive two more months….dammit!

Rendani and Thendo were told about the fact that Xolani is our brother, Thendo was shocked but was also happy because he got along very well wih X…Rendani was disappointed because she had some silly crush on him. So later that afternoon Xolani’s mom came with Nwabisa who was just a year younger than Rendani and his youngest sister who was about 9 or 10. The last born was not my dad’s but hey she was family too. Well, my dad called the whole family up so that all his kids could meet and so that we can get to know each other…my mom was not too happy but there was too much excitement around the house so she couldn’t really stay angry. Rendani also tried to sulk but hey we assured her that we were all one big family now and we should just be happy.

During bedtime I was told that Tshililo will be spending the night at our son’s room with my mom, can you believe it? I mean I don’t even get to sleep with her in my arms or at least in the same room with me. We managed to get everyone a room to sleep…most of the people were sharing and with Tshililo in the same room as my mom, I shared with Xolani. So the whole family stayed over for the whole weekend…damn it as one epic weekend. We bought lot of food and our moms were our cooks. You’ll be shocked to hear that our moms were actually getting along. My dad had a talk with both of them and I think it worked. I don’t know what was happening and I wasn’t about to get involved but I think dad was sharing a room with my mom. That’s grown-ups business so I decided that I won’t be getting involved. Sunday afternoon everyone left and it was just me, mom, Xolani and Tshililo ow and TJ.

Monday morning Xolani and I said we were going to school and then went to Bee’s house. I had a delivery to Cape Town along with Javas…Xolani was going to PE. The house we were doing a pick up at was some shady scary building but hey Bee gave us clear instruction about how to roll the dice and we did as she explained and we managed to come back in one piece with the whole package.

After the pick-up we went to Bonita’s house with the package. She was happy that we managed to pull it off. So I asked about Xolani and she said that he is back from PE already. It was already late at night. I decided to hit the bar for something to drink. So I had few drinks and suddenly I didn’t feel like going home and spend the night all by myself. I called Teressa and she picked up, I asked for us to meet and she agreed…she gave me the address of a friend’s house where she was spending the night. I drove to the address that she gave me and rang her while I was at the gate. She walked up to me and got inside my car. She looked so fine man…so I told her that I was hers for the night and we can do whatever she wanted to do. She was happy to hear that so she suggested that we go drinking for starters. So I sent Tshililo an sms telling her that I was busy at work and will come home late. I then sent another one to Xolani telling him not to go to the house because I was not there and I didn’t want Tshililo to ask questions…he just replied with an ok.

So I drove to one of the fancy hotels in George
Ressa:"so wifey is home huh?"
Me:"yep"
Ressa:"and you are here with me"
Me:"do you want me to go back to her?"
Ressa:"of course not, i am just-"
Me:"then don't, i chose to be here with you ok?"
Ressa:"ok"
We walked inside the building with my hand on her waist. I booked a room and we went straight to the room I booked. Ithen ordered some booze.
Me:"i wanna ask you this before you get drunk" I was tugging some hair at the back of her ear…I wanted her to be sure that she wanted to do this with me
Ressa:"ok" she was smiling
Me:"do you wanna do this with me? If you say no i won't touch you, no matter how drunk i get"
Ressa:"i want to"
Me:"you’re sure?"
Ressa:"yep"
I started kissing her right away. Here is the thing guys, I knew that what I was doing was wrong in so many ways but I was desperate…I really wanted to do this…my mind was telling me to stop but my body was telling me a different story. So Ressa and I got drunk and made love together…it felt good I must say. So I took a nap after the whole episode and I woke up ataround 2am and decided that I should get home. I had sobered up a bit by then so I took out R1000 and put it on the bedside drawer…I sent her a text telling her to get a cab in the morning. I walked out of the hotel and drove home. I got home and went to the shower and then slept. I was feeling horrible.

My mom woke me up the following morning. She was not happy with them going to bed without me last night and she suspected that I was cheating on Tshililo. I don’t know why but she did. She told me to stop whatever it is that I was trying to do and that I should give Tshililo my full support because she didn’t make that child all by herself. After my mom had left Teressa and I texted some more…I couldn’t stop smiling as I thought about last night.

So I spent the whole day with Tshililo, my mom and my son. It was a beautiful afternoon with my family. Xolani was nowhere to be seen probably with Sihle. I was having a good time being at home but hey I missed Teressa, she was all I was thinking about. So I called her and asked to see her for at least an hour and she agreed. I told my mom and Tshililo that there was a friend I had to meet in town…Tshililo was not convinced but I told her that Ncedo needed my help with something. So I drove to Teressa’s friend place at around 6 in the evening and picked her up. We went to the same hotel we went to the previous day. We got there and chilled and then had sex. I even took a shower after that, I didn’t want to get home smelling of sex. So I told Teressa that I wanted to take her out on a weekend away…well I don’t know what lie I was going to tell but I had to come up with something. I needed more time with this chick alone. I then drove Teressa to her friend’s and then I went home. Here is the thing…I regretted what I did…well not really regretted, I was just ashamed of what I was doing to my wife.

I got home and greeted and then told mom and Tshili that I had some business reports to take care of so I went to the bedroom. I sat on the bed and switched on my laptop. Tshililo came and sit next to me. She said I was acting weird and that something seemed to be up. But I told her that everything was still cool. She asked if I still love her and I told her that I obviously do and that she was still my everything. I was not lying about that…it was the truth. She said she thought that maybe I don’t want her anymore but I told her that nothing of that sort will ever happen.

Xolani came to the house the following morning and found us having breakfast as a family. He joined in and we ate. After breakfast I took Xolani’s hand and walked out with him.
X:"what is it mfowethu?"
Me:"i kinda need your favour"
X:"i am all ears"
Me:"uhm owk don't judge Xolani and don't go all crazy on me"
X:"out with it Thembu"
Me:"uhm...here it goes....i need you to cover for me"
X:"what?"
Me:"yeah, uhm i want to go on a weekend away with...uhm Ressa"
X:" who is Ressa now?"
Me:"Teressa" Xolani put both his hands on his head and then just started pacing. He then stopped and looked at me…it was as if he couldn’t believe what I was asking him
X:"no Thembu...no no no....you didn't...you slept with that girl and now you want more" I just looked at him with my pleading eyes
Me:"it was bound to happen bro"
X:"you know....." he lost his words…he closed his eyes and pointed at me with his index finger and then stopped and opened his eyes…I knew what all this meant…I was seriously going to be judged
Me:"Xolani don't"
X:"i can't believe this Thembuluwo Mudau, what’s got into you huh? What is wrong with you Thembu, are you insane? You slept with that bitch and now you want me to help you do it again? You want me to help you lie to your wife so that you can go have more sex with some chick? What do you take me for? I love you Thembuluwo and I will never do that for you, i will only do it if i don't give a damn about your messed up life bro"
Me:"so you won't cover for me vele?"
X:"what? Did you hear a word i just said to you now Thembu? Dude you are seriously crazy, seriously you need help" he said putting his hands up in defeat
Me:"huh Xolani don't be like that?"
X:"like what? Uyi kaka yomtu Thembu, that's what you are, they call it S*** in English, how can you do this to Tshili? That chick loves you my boy, like she breathes you, but do you even see that? You are busy running around with some girl who don't even know where you come from" I closed my eyes and put my hands on my head, Xolani was blowing this whole thing out of proportion as usual
Me:"keep it down Xolani"
X:"Ungandinyeli mna bro, you are talking s*** right now, don't tell me how to use my damn voice, you are one messed up person man, you got a wife who loves you somuch and you are busy running around doing this S***?"
Me:"but you used to do it too"
X:"yeah, USED TO, i don't do it anymore because i grew up and plus i am not married Thembu, unlike you"
Me:"You know what, i am sick and tired of you insulting me and judging me Xolani, i never used to judge you when you were messing up with girls and now all of a sudden you are going all heavenly on me?"
X:"ahg tsek fondin, it’s your life anyway, i don't know why i even bother, throw it all away Thembu, i don't give a damn anymore....looks like i am the big brother in this whole thing" I felt this rage took over me so I walked over to Xolani and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt
Me:"I said don’t judge Xolani, in fact just leave my F****ng life alone....and if ever you insult me one more time, I will show you flames bruh....i am your damn older brother" Xolani punched me on the face and I stumbled
X:"don’t do this s*** to me ever again because I will blow your head off” I held the cheek he punched me and walked over to him and held him by his collar again
Me:"this is not over"
X:"like hell it is, i am done with a spoilt bratt like you" he walked inside the house and I followed him. He took his car keys
X:” you know what? I am leaving your house and I will never set my foot in here…I am done” he was really pissed
Me:"i don't care Xolani, just do you and i will do me"
Mma:" what is wrong now?"
X:"ask your spoilt bratt son, i am done with all of you"
Tshili:"Xolani" he closed the door on his way out. Tshililo followed him outside and then ran back to the house
Tshili:” Thembuluwo what’s wrong?”
Me:” please not now”
Mma:"Thembuluwo"
Me:"I said not now”

Zwi a Penga
Insert 32

I walked to my bedroom and locked the door. Tshililo came and tried to talk to me but I told her that I needed to be alone. I walked to the shower and found myself crying while standing in there. This was my first real fight with Xolani and it was all because of an affair with a girl who meant nothing to me. Xolani loved me and he cared about me…I knew that for sure. I thought about what was at stake because of my affair. I couldn’t lose my family because of this so I decided that I needed to break things off with Teressa…I didn’t have any other choice, I had to love my wife and be happy with her and stop this madness I was in. after the shower I got dressed and walked down the stairs. Tshililo was alone in the lounge and my mom was in the bedroom. I looked at her and wanted to cry when I thought of what I was doing to her. She asked me what happened with Xolani but I just told her that it’s a long story. Suddenly I was scared of losing her. I hugged her so tight and told her that I love her and my son so much…I also asked her not to ever ever leave me. She was concerned and looked convinced that something was wrong…I told her that I will explain later and that I had to go see Xolani first. I kissed her for a long time and then left

I got to campus and walked straight to Xolani’s room. I knocked and he opened…he tried to close it but I blocked it with my hand and myfoot
Me:" please hear me out"
X:" i already did"
Me:" no Xolani i am so sorry, you are right about everything, i....i love Tshililo and she loves me too, i...want to break things off with Ressa, i looked at Tshililo before i came here and i realised that you were right"
X:"just leave Thembu, i have no time for this"
Me:"please don't do this to me, you now i am nothing without you"
X:"and that didn't stop you from throwing everything on my face today did it?"
Me:"i know, I’ve been so stupid man, i don't know what i was thinking when i cheated on my wife and thank you for making me see the light"
X:"i was very much serious when i said i am done with you"
Me:"please Xolani"
X:"don't worry i won’t take my money from you, you are still my father's son anyway but as for us hanging out, i am done"
Me:"i am sorry"
X:"a sorry is not gonna fix this, you need to grow up Thembu, appreciate the important people in your life, I’ve been very generous with you, i have given you thousands of rands Thembu, i have given you my companies but do you care?" I looked on the floor feeling ashamed
Me:"don't give up on me please"
X:"it breaks my heart when i see you throwing your life away like that, but i am tired now, i don't wanna stand there and watch"
Me:"i am going to call Ressa now and break things with her"
X:" like i said i don't care anymore and don't ever come over here again" i looked at him expecting him to say he is kidding but instead he closed the door and left me standing there feeling lost

I walked to my car and just sat there failing to believe that I had ruined things between me and Xolani. I took out my phone and called Ressa…I asked for a meeting and she agreed. Iwent to pick her up and drove to a hotel. I wanted to break things off with her but I wanted to do it in a more private place. We got to the hotel and I told her about how this affair could ruin my marriage and how it was already ruining things between me and my brother so I told her that I was putting a stop to it. She started crying right away and said she didn’t think I was going to play her and just toss her away. I tried to calm her down but she just threw herself on the bed andsobbed…see why I needed a private setting? Girls can be so dramatic at times.

TSHILILO

When Thembuluwo left the house I just knew that something was up. I thought that maybe he was cheating on me but I immediately dismissed that, he wouldn’t do that to me, he couldn’t be that stupid could he? If Thembu was not cheating on me then what was going on? Because something really was happening. I didn’t understand why he will fight with Xolani like that. I took out my phone and called Xolani. I tried to get something out of him but he kept on telling me to ask Thembuluwo. I asked him if Thembu wasn’t there with him but he said that Thembu couldn’t stay long because he told him to leave…after that Xolani hung up on me. I called Thembuluwo but he didn’t pick up. I tried to keep busy but I couldn’t focus on anything so I tried to call him again and there was still no answer.

I went to our bedroom and check for the documentation for his Benz and check for the contact details of the tracking company. I called the company and asked them for the location of the car. They gave me an interrogation first and just because I was Themu’s wife they finally gave me the GPS coordinates for the location of which the car was parked. I thanked them and entered the coordinates on Google earth. The Benz was at some hotel in town. No man it can’t be…I entered them again and they gave me the same location. What was Thembu doing at a hotel and ignoring my calls? Could it be that he booked a room with a girl? No he couldn’t do that I refuse to believe that. I started shaking and tears started coming out. There has to be some kind of a mistake, maybe he was just on a business meeting or something like that but he couldn’t really be cheating on me. I thought of his recent behaviour and there were lot of suspicious actions…no he couldn’t. Without saying goodbye to my mother in law I took the Ford keys and drove to the hotel. I was scared, nervous and shaking…I was hoping that this was nothing but just a business meeting. Deep down I knew that Thembu loved me and that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me but I wanted to go to the hotel so that my mind can finally be at ease.

I almost drove into other cars when I got to the hotel and found our Benz parked at the parking lot. I parked my car close to him and got out of the car. I walked around the Benz and there was no one inside. There was a gun I saw in the ford but I decided to leave it there…if Thembu was messing with me then I might have to use it. I walked to the reception and asked the receptionist to give me my husband’s room number but she refused. I tried to make her understand that he was cheating on me but she kept on telling me about the hotel policy. I gave up asking because I knew she was not going to be helpful. I walked like a mad woman to the bar and looked around and my Thembu was not there…I wanted to cry by now…if he was in a business meeting he was supposed to be in a public setting. I dragged my feet and walked out…if Thembu was inside the building then he’s gonna have to walk out of there at some point so i decided to wait for him. I decided to park my car a little bit far away from his and made sure that I was well hidden by other cars.

I didn’t have to wait for long…I saw Themuluwo walking out of the building. I looked carefully and realised that he wasn’t alone. He was with a girl. I heard my heart pounding. He was not just with a girl. He was with a coloured hot girl. I looked at them walking in slow motion. The girl was wearing shorts…I felt like I was losing my mind. I looked at them and within seconds everything became a foggy blur and i was seeing things in slow motion. He opened the door for her and she got in. My mind was telling me to run there and shoot them and get it over with but my body couldn't let me. I couldn't move, i was glued to the car seat. Tears were already flowing by now. Within a minute he started the Benz and drove away. I looked at it disappearing and felt like it took everything of mine with it. I asked myself what was really happening. Well the answer was simple; hubby dearest was cheating with a coloured girl.

I was disappointed, no man disappointed doesn't even begin to explain what i was feeling. I was crushed. Thembuluwo decided to do the only thing that had the power to kill me. I felt like a part of me had died at that moment. I let out a loud scream in that parking lot. I didn't care who was looking, the truth is i wanted to cry. Some guy ran to me and knocked on the window. He tried to find out what was wrong but I told him straight up that he should mind his own business. He put his hands in the air and walked away.

I didn’t know what to do or who to call. I was definitely not calling a friend…a family is what I needed. So I called my younger sister Onndwela. She immediately picked up. I told her everything that’s happened while I was crying. She was shocked and felt sorry for me. She told me not to approach him about the issue…like what the f***? She also told me to show him some love…well all I wanted was to shoot him because he didn’t deserve my love….well she went on and said that if I approach him and we start fighting then I’ll be pushing him to that girl again and approaching the girl also brings back the same results, I would be pushing him to her once again. Well I was confused and didn’t know what to do...i told her that I will think it through…I don’t even know if I was still capable of thinking anything through.

I finally managed to calm down and the guy who came to me earlier on came back to my car again. Damn I was ashamed.
Me:"hey" I said getting out of the car.
Guy:"feeling better?"
Me:"yeah and i am sorry for shouting at you, i...am really in a bad space"
Guy:"i can see"
Me:"my husband cheated on me and i feel like my world is crumbling down. I don't even know who to talk to or what to do. My mind is telling me to hunt that girl down and shoot her f****ng head but i...i am afraid to get arrested you know and i feel like killing my hubby as well for...for hurting me so much, i love him so much you know, like seriously love him, he mean the world to me, i don't know what to do...i mean why do men do this? Like i have done nothing but love him but look at the thanks i get?" i didn't realise it but I was not even stopping for a breath and I was crying again. The guy was just looking at me
Me:"i am sorry...i...i gotta go"
Guy:"wait......don't do anything stupid, it’s not worth it, i understand you love your husband but clearly he don't deserve it, you are a beautiful young girl" he came closer to me and gave me a hug
Me:"thanks hey, i really have to go"
Guy:"ok take care" I got inside the car and started it

I got home and found the Benz parked at the driveway. I cleaned myself up and walked in. I was mad, like i was seriously angry and most of all i was in so much pain. There was no one in the living room. I was walking up the stairs when I ran into Thembuluwo. I couldn't look at him, everything in my body was shouting 'strangle him' but i didn't want to look like a psycho. I just passed him without saying anything
Thembu:"babe what's wrong?" wow the nerve that this boy carried with him was bigger than him shame. I ignored him and kept on walking
Thembu:"Tshililo" i didn't say anything because i didn't wanna breakdown and cry infront of him. I walked to our bedroom and he followed me
Thembu:"babe what is going on?” I looked at him and couldn’t stop the tears that came out…I felt like my own tears had disappointed me. I closed the bedroom door and locked. I was not sure what this was but I wanted to do it. I hated him so much but deep down I knew that I loved him and I didn’t want to push him away
Me:” so you were in the shower?”
Thembu:” yeah”
I started kissing him…damn I was stressed and scared at the same time. What if he leaves me for her? As much as I hated him i also wanted him to love me again, to forget the other girl, i wanted to be the only one he want again. I.....I.....I wanted to give him what drove him into cheating, i wanted to make love to him, and maybe he was gonna stop. I was desperate, hurt and scared. I took off his shirt and hungrily kissed his chest. I was about to take off his jeans when he held my hands and stopped me
Thembu:"babe you know we can't...Tshililo why are you crying?" i felt it again, I mean the knife that kept on stabbing me at the core of my heart…it was so damn painful…too painful to be tolerated.
Me:"don't do this to me please" i felt rejected....i felt dirty and unloved, i saw that girl in my mind again and it made me sick, maybe she was better at it than i ever was, what if....what if this is really it....what if he didn't want me anymore
Thembu:"babe you are the one who said we can’t…you heard what my mom said…we can’t do it now”
Me:"it doesn't matter Thembu, the baby is seven weeks old and I am sure he won’t get sick. White people do this all the time and we don’t see their kids getting sick”
Thembu:"bbe what is going on? And why are you crying? Tshililo talk to me"
Me:"you don't want me anymore?" the words cut so deep because i knew there was a possibility of them being true. My head was pounding. I started feeling dizzy and all of a sudden i couldn't stand anymore. Thembu caught me before I fall and put me on the bed
Thembu:"Tshililo bbe what’s wrong? Are you sick?" he was on top of me and had his hand on my forehead…I put my one hand on my head and looked at him
Me:"i just want you to love me Thembu that’s all"
Thembu:"i do love you, i really do....i love you a lot Tshililo"
Me:"you don't love me anymore" i broke down uncontrollably. Thembuluwo hugged me while he was on top of me
Thembu:"bbe shhh, Tshililo don’t cry my love, you know i love you, more than anything, you are everything to me"
Me:"did you sleep with her today?" he looked at me like he has seen a ghost, i saw Thembuluwo going pale, i was in somuch pain, i couldn't take it anymore and then my breathing stopped and everything just went blank.

Zwi a Penga
Insert 33

I finally regained my strength. Thembuluwo was sitting there looking at me. I sat up and looked at him in the eyes
Me:" I am waiting" Thembuluwo started looking around
Thembu:"babe what are you talking about?"
Me:"the least you can do right now is to tell me the truth Thembu, I saw you"
Thembu:"huh?" I stood up with my hands folded on my chest
Me:"did you do it?"
Thembu:"bbe no" after hearing that I laughed...it was one of those laughs you do when something heartbreakingly unbelievable happens, it was more of a cry
Me:"why are you treating me like a child? Do I look likea child to you? Do you see the word dumb written on my forehead? I saw you with my own eyes”
Thembu:"Tshili bbe please, it’s...it’s not what you think" I gave him a hot slap…I don’t know where I got the strength to do that but it surely came from somewhere…he gave me a horrified look
Me:"do not play dumb with me...so you've been sleeping with that girl huh? All this time i was in hospital you were busy with her....did you bring her here huh, did you also do it in our house Thembu?" tears were coming out. He tried to explain but I couldn’t hear of it so I told him we were done…i was serious this time…I couldn’t deal with a mistress. I stomped out of the room to the shower, I needed a shower

THEMBULUWO

I was panicking. I couldn’t lose her…no I really couldn’t lose Tshililo. I called Xolani…I thought that maybe he was the one who told her but he was just shocked to hear that Tshililo knew about me and Teressa…the worst part about talking to Xolani Is that he was giving me the ‘I told you so’ lecture so I dropped the call. I walked out of the room and my mom asked me where Tshililo was and I told her that she was in the bathroom. She asked me what was going on between me and Tshili because Tshililo just drove out of the house without saying a word…I told her that everything was fine. I walked back to the bedroom and waited for her. She then came back to change. I tried to plead with her but my woman was seriously pissed. She said she couldn’t believe that after everything she’s done for me I’d ruin a good thing between us. She told me that she was leaving for good and that she was not going to let me continue with the bitch I had been cheating with. After everything she’s been through, she said she didn’t plan on just letting anyone come and enjoy the life she built for us. I haD never seen her so hurt and so angry…I hated myself for doing this to her.

After the shower she walked down and asked my mom if she could go to the mall. My mom tried to ask questions but she promised her that she will only be five minutes. My mom agreed and Tshililo asked me for the Benz keys and I gave her. I walked out with her. There was something off about her…she wasn’t going to the mall. I asked her if we could go to the mall together but she refused.
Me:"you are not going to the mall are you? "
Tshili:"no...i am going to pay your little whore a visit…don’t even try to stop me because we will have a serious fight right here and right now" hevhanna! The look on her face neh?
Me:"but Tshililo"
Tshili:"you know what? I wouldn’t be doing any of this if you managed to control yourself as a man and don’t be mistaken and think that just because I am paying that girl a visit then everything is gonna go back to normal between us because they won’t. I am going to divorce you Thembuluwo and I will make it my life mission to make sure that you don’t settle down with anyone…you deserve a life time of misery…I didn’t work this hard so that you’ll end up happy with someone else…no” she got inside the car and closed the door and started it. I was still horrified…she opened the window and looked at me
Tshili:” don’t even think of following me because I I’ll show you serious flames”
I just stood there and blinked as i watch her drive away. I took out my phone wanting to warn Teressa but her cellphone numbers were gone...i went to my call logs and it was empty…dammit Tshililo. And then I thought about it…Tshililo once said that if I cheat on her then she’ll kill for me…ow my God…I had a gun in the Benz, s*** there was a gun in there. I ran back to the house and took out the ford keys. By the time I made it out of the gate the Benz was nowhere to be seen and I had no idea where Tshililo might have gone. I drove to the mall where I looked for a Benz to no luck. I realised that what I was trying to do was seriously useless so I decided to just go back home

TSHILILO
I didn’t want to cause any trouble but I figured that I needed to have a word with that girl…I mean she obviously knew that Thembuluwo had a wife. So I texted her with my phone and asked her to meet me at York street. I got there and parked my car in front of FNB and texted her. She came and opened the front door and got in. her smile faded as soon as she saw that it was actually me. just like Sharon she tried to be bitchy and told me that me approaching her was only going to make things worse…I told her where to get off and that her tender had expired because mama Mudau was back home...we actually had a little bit of a fight in the car and I ended up taking out a gun and pointed it at her. I told her that if ever I hear anything about her and my husband then I will kill her without a second thought. She was scared and nodded at everything I was saying. I finally let her go.

I then drove home. I got home and found Thembuluwo playing with my son. Dammit the nerve that this guy had was beyond anything I knew. I walked over to him and demanded that he gives my son back to me. He looked at me like I was going crazy but maybe I really was crazy. I took my son from him and told him that he should have another one with that girl he was cheating on me with…I then told him that I was taking what’s mine and leave for Venda…he said he won’t let me but it didn’t matter what he was to say because It’s not like I was asking for his permission. His mom walked in and I told her that Thembu and I agreed that it’s about time I go back home with her and the baby…she looked happy. I looked at Thembu and he faked a smile. I told her that we thought it will be better for everyone to at least see the baby, plus my family also had to come see him. My mother in law was delighted at the news. I went on and told her that we were leaving a day after tomorrow so we were going to spend the rest of tomorrow packing up. Thembuluwo kept giving me a death stare and i just ignored it...i needed time out from all this. He then volunteered to drive us to the airport but I told him that there was no need because we were going to drive, i felt that i would need a car to get by while i was home. I was happy to take the small car. He then offered to give me a Benz during my stay at home and he said he’ll drive us and then come back to George with a flight. He was trying his best to make it up to me but nothing was going to work…I was leaving him here alone…he can continue sleeping around, I don’t care anymore.

THEMBULUWO

I tried to plead with Tshililo but her mind was made up about going home and about being away from me. I was seriously feeling bad about what I did. Imagine losing everything because of a side chikita? How dumb am i?

The following morning Xolani came to spend some time with my mom, Tshili and my son as they were leaving the following day. I tried to talk to Xolani but he was totally ignoring me. I tried to talk to him about Tshililo leaving me but he said that I actually deserved it, it was true though, but he didn’t have to rub it in. The following day we left George and I drove them back home. I tried talking to Tshililo before leaving but she totally didn’t want anything to do with me, she was seriously pissed. I didn’t blame her though; I deserved everything she was throwing at me. I had hurt her in a most possible way so I had to accept whatever she throws at me.

Zwi a Penga
Insert 34

We got home and everyone was happy to see the baby. Tshililo seemed happy to be home too, maybe being here away from me was what she really needed. My aunt and my siblings kept on fighting over the baby…they were also happy to have mom home. We were still chilling and laughing when I received a call from Bonita saying that I had to do a pick up trip in Cape Town tomorrow afternoon. I told her that I was home in Limpopo and couldn’t possibly be in Cape Town the following day…she told me that if I knew what’s best for me then I’ll be in her house by 06:00 pm tomorrow. I had no choice but to book a flight ticket for tomorrow afternoon. I called Tshililo aside and informed her that I had to leave tomorrow. She didn’t care actually…she just told me to do me. Ok this treatment she was giving me really sucked. I also informed the family that I was leaving the following day…they weren’t too happy but I told them about school…yep they all thought I was still at school

The following morning I said goodbye to everyone and Tshililo drove me to a bus station where I was to take a bus to Joburg so that I could board a flight. She was still not talking to me. I told her for the last time how sorry I was and that she was still my everything…I told her that I’ll come back home next week and she refused…she said she didn’t want to see me and that maybe I should came back in about a month or so…a month people…she didn’t want to see me for a whole month.

So I finally took the buss to Joburg and then a flight to George. I rested for an hour or so and then drove to Bonita’s house for instructions. I got there and was told that i was driving to Cape Town with Xolani. Well I was happy to be driving with him, because this was going to give us a chance to fix things. Xolani didn’t look happy with the arrangement but it’s not like he had a choice.
Me:"so Tshili left yesterday and I drove them, I just came back now” I said as soon as we left Bonita’s house
X:"owww you didn't stay?"
Me:"I couldn't because I received Bee's call"
X:"oww ok"
Me:"I am sorry for the way I talked to you Xolani, I need you in my life, I am a total mess"
X:"you don't have to tell me that you are a mess, I can see it myself"
Me:"I am serious Xolani, I don't know what I will do if Tshililo decide to leave me you know"
X:"I don't think she will leave you, just give her some time to cool off and I am sorry for sulking" he looked at me and smiled
Me:"nah I should be the one apologising"
X:"just hang in there bro"
Me:"you know I regret ever sleeping with that girl, I mean I didn't even sleep with her for a month and now I am in the edge of losing my family and I almost lost you too...eish Xolani never again am I gonna cheat on my wife serious, I can't afford to lose her"
X:"yeah I hear you bro, she will come around.....Tshililo loves you somuch"
Me:"you didn't see the way she was treating me, it was as if she didn't care at all"
X:"you cheated on her what were you expecting?" I gave him thee look
X:"ok I am sorry but its true"

So we got to Cape Town and picked up the parcel and then drove back to George. We dropped the parcel off and then we went our separate ways. I was woken up the following morning by someone buzzing at the gate. I woke up and went to check and Teressa was there. What the hell? I told her to never ever set her foot in my house ever again. This was my home…my wife’s home; I couldn’t have Teressa disrespecting her like this. She said she wanted to see me and that I’ve been ignoring her calls…well I’d been ignoring her calls because we ended things. I asked her nicely to just leave me alone, to just get out of my life because I was very much married and I just didn’t want to make matters worse. After that Teressa episode I called Tshililo and we talked briefly, we only talked about our son because she didn’t want to chit chat for long.

The following morning I woke up and didn’t even know what to do with myself. The house was quiet and I felt lonely. I drove to campus to check on Xolani. We spent some time together and then in the late afternoon we decided to go check on Jay. He was happy to see us I must say. We were happy to see him too. He looked fine, like he was not bothered at all and I appreciated that. After our visit to Jay we left the building and went to the parking. We were about to get in the car when I received a call from an unknown number. I walked to a distance and answered. It was Sibulele, yeah Svig’s wife. She was crying saying that Svig wanted to kill her and that she wanted my help. I really wanted to help her but I had a wife and a child to think about, I obviously didn’t want to get killed so I turned her down and told her that I couldn’t do it. After the call I walked back to Xolani who was just getting off another call. He told me that he received a call from Javas informing him that Svig’s wife ran away and that a word had been sent out for anyone to report to him if they see her. I told Xolani that she called me asking for help but I refused. He advised me to call Svig and let him know because if he finds out about it then he’ll be pissed. I called Svig right away and told him that Sibu called me…he told me to contact him if she calls me again.

After all this Xolani and I hit the club. We also called Ncedo and Thembani to come join us. It was already a bit late. Tshililo called me and I told her that I was chilling at the club with the boys
Tshili:"oww" yeah that was her reply
Me:"Tshililo I am with Xolani bbe you don't have to worry, i can give him a phone if you want"
Tshili:"if you thought I’ll tell you not to give him the phone then you are very much mistaken…give him”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I gave the phone to Xolani and they talked briefly. After that call I chilled with the boys and all was well until one of the bar man came to me and called me aside. He told me that there was someone calling me outside. I followed him out to some corner outside the building. I found Sibu there. She was wearing a hoody…dammit what the hell was this? Was she trying to get me killed? She asked me to help her out. She wanted me to book her a hotel where she can stay for few days allowing him to at least calm down…she said she couldn’t go to any family members or friends because he will find her and she didn’t want to book a hotel on her names. I asked her what she did and she said she slept with their chef…imagine your husband hiring a chef for you and you decided to sleep with him. Sibu knew that her husband was very dangerous and yet she kept on pissing him off. She begged me until I said its fine I will do it.  I asked her to stay put so that I can talk to Xolani regarding helping her out. I went back to the guys and called Xolani aside
Me:"Sibulele is here, she wants me to help her" Xolani shook his head and then bent towards me
X:"you told her to get lost right?"
Me:"not yet, i was still thinking about it"
X:"you are not helping that chick bro, you don't wanna get caught up in all this, lemme call Svig"
Me:"wait, a part of me is feeling sorry for her man"
X:"and i am feeling sorry for you because if you help her you will be dead" Xolani took out his phone
Me:"nahh its fine let me call him" I took out my phone and called him
Svig:"sure"
Me:"uhm boss i am at the Club in town and Sibu is here, she asked me to help her"
Svig:"ok, i am in George right now so sms me the club name and i will be there in the speed of light, keep her company V Boy, DO NOT LET HER GET AWAY"
Me:"ok boss" and he dropped the call
Me:"he said he is in George and that i should send him the name of the club" I said with a sad tone
X:"you did the right thing, Svig is not someone you can mess with, he is in George, imagine you just run into him in a hotel with Sibu"
me:"yeah my hands are tied, i don't have a choice at all"
X:"yeah"

I sent Svig the address and kept Sibu Company until Svig arrived. Svig arrived shortly and dragged her to the car without saying a word to us or thanking us for that matter…Sibu was crying and looked really scared
Me:"what do you think he is gonna do to her?"
X:"with Svig you never know hey"
Me:"i know that my hands were tied but damn i am feeling guilty, i mean if something bad happens to her then i won't be able to forgive myself"
X:"don't do that to yourself bro"
Me:"i think i wanna go back to the house man, i have had enough"
X:"ok let’s go say goodbye to the guys"
We were driving away from the club when we both received calls from Bee summoning us to her house. Are we ever going to rest? I mean it’s always drama after drama and after drama.

Everyone was already at Bonita’s house when we got there
Be:"uhm...here is the thing, there is a guy that i want you guys to deal with, i am not sure where he is at right now but you’ll have to pool all the stops to find him and when you do, i want you to kill him and bring him to me, you can torture him if you want, it’s up to you how you go about it but one thing for sure, i want him dead" we all just looked at each other
Bee:"did you hear what i said?"
Sticks:"do you mind telling us what is the story between you and the guy?" Barbie walked to Sticks
Bee:"none of your damn business, your business is to make sure that you kill him" she walked to the table and took a pile of papers and handed them to each of us. It was a picture of a man who looked a bit older
Gerrit:"do you maybe know where we can find him?"
Bee:"i am sure i would have shared if i had that kind of information, of course i don't  and that's why i called your ugly faces in here so that you can find him....damn you are all supposed to be in your cars already, sending the pic around and making phone calls" we all walked to the door.
Bee:"everybody out and nobody sleeps before you find him" she shouted. We all walked to our cars

X:"looks like Bee was crying" I said as soon as I got inside the car with Xolani
Me:"looks like it"
X:"wooow never thought I’d see the day, i wonder what the guy did"
Me:"i don't even wanna know, eish i left my phone in the house, just give me a minute"
I got out of the car and went to the house. I got there and found Bee sitting on the floor crying. Ok this was very awkward, i mean you don't expect tomboys like Barbie to cry, it just seem so wrong and you never know how to comfort her, I mean you might try to do that and next thing you know you are coming incontact with her hard fist so it wasn’t as easy as ABC. She looked up at me and said nothing
Me:"uhm..i...i left my phone" she just nodded, I went to my phone and took it. I walked to the door and stood there, turned around and looked at her
Me:"are you ok?"
Bee:"i am fine" she said with Letty’s voice
Me:"i am sorry but you don't look fine"
Bee:"i will be fine V Boy just go"
Me:"you are only human you know, you also need someone to talk to, a friend or someone close"
Bee:"just get the F*** outta my face ok, you have no idea what i need right now, just go and do the assignment at hand" she was shouting and after that she broke down, ok this was even more awkward. I walked closer and went down on my knees and hugged her. I expected a little bit of a fight but she gave me none…instead she held me tight and sobbed in my arms


Zwi a Penga – Insert 35

I hugged her for a long time and then I finally broke the hug
Me:”uhm let me send X a message to tell him to leave me behind”
Bee:”no you need to go” she was wiping off her tears. She got up and went to sit on the couch, I got up and stood in the middle of the room
Me:”I’m gonna have to disrespect your orders here Bee I am sorry but I am not gonna leave you like this”
Bee:”no you-”
Me:”I am not taking no for an answer, you need someone to talk to” I texted Xolani telling him that there was change of plans and I will be driving with the boss and he replied with an ok. I didn’t tell him the truth because I didn’t want him to overreact. I went to sit next to Bee
Me:”so what’s your story?” she gave me that ‘Barbie the boss look’
Me:”this can be much easier if you don’t give me your bossy look please” she looked down
Bee:”what makes you think that I would like to share my story with you?”
Me:”nothing but I know that talking helps and even the strongest ones need comforting sometimes”
Bee:”you reckon?” I nodded looking at her
Me: ‘so you can trust me” she looked at me and took a deep breath
Bee:”my mom passed away and I didn’t go to her funeral, I was soo angry at her for so many years and….i guess I just didn’t wanna see her anymore and for few years I wished she was dead, but….” She was looking into space with tears in her eyes
Bee:”ahg man this is stupid” she stood up and I stood up with her and took her hand
Me:”no its not, why where you angry at your mom?” she walked to the window and stood there looking outside
Bee:”I don’t think she ever loved me”
Me:”why though?”
Bee:”you know us, we are just F**** up that’s how we are….my dad used to…..he…can I trust you with this?”
Me:”completely”
Bee:”you won’t breathe a word to any soul?”
Me:”I promise” she had turned around and was now looking at me. I walked to her and put my hands in my pockets and looked at her…she looked outside again
Bee:”he used to rape me…..i have lost count as to how many times he did it” damn this was some deep stuff
Bee“do you know what was so f**** up about this whole thing? My mom knew and she didn’t do anything, he used to beat her too but the least she could have done was left him or report him to the police station or something but she didn’t because she said we needed him financially” I was horrified, I was looking at this girl, who was now a gangster boss and I couldn’t imagine the trauma and the emotional scars she had suffered
Bee “there was a time I couldn’t even concentrate at school anymore because all I thought about was him and my so called mom, at 11, I made the bravest decision, I was tired, I couldn’t take it anymore, I ran away from home, I didn’t take anything with and I didn’t even know where I was going, I just wanted to leave that house…..for few months I stayed at a friend’s house, she was my age and was only staying with her siblings…..and then….and then I met some guy who introduced me to this life”
Me:”you started selling drugs when you were 11?” she nodded
Bee:”I had to make a living, at the age of 13, I was traded out by my boss, in the easiest language you can say he sold me…he sold me to a guy from Nigeria and for 5 years I was a sex slave plus a drug dealer in different countries, I have really travelled the world, I stayed in different countries and states, depending on where they wanted me” ok now I was seriously speechless, I looked at her with my mouth hanging, this was some scary stuff, tjoo I thought all these things only happen in movies, I never thought I could talk to someone who have really went through them. To think that I thought I had a bad childhood? Mine seemed perfect compared to this.
Me:”what happened then?”
Bee:” well when I was in Brazil, I managed to escape and somehow I was a prostitute for few months because I needed to come back home and when I had enough money I booked a flight back to South Africa, I then met Svig through one of my friends I used to deal drugs with before they sold me, I was only 18 and damn Svig took me in and I worked with him since then, i am good at what i do and i don't have a heart, for me it’s all about my survival, that’s why Svig likes working with me”
Me:”did you go see your mom after coming back to the country?”
Bee:”no, last time I saw her I was eleven, I hated her and her husband with a passion and when I heard that she passed away I didn’t care or maybe I should say I didn’t wanna care, but somehow I managed to feel the pain, somehow I found myself crying for her”
Me:”but there is nothing wrong with that”
Bee:’there is everything wrong with crying over a woman who let her child get raped repeatedly from the age of 9, I had to endure all that pain of being a sex slave and a dealer because of her, I had to run away from home, do you have any idea how different my life could have been if she cared about me? If she protected me? But look at me now….i am just a human being with nothing but an empty evil heart” she looked at me with tears on her face…she wiped them off
Bee:”somehow I wanted her to pay for what she did to me, for all the pain i felt but….when….i heard that she was dead….i felt even more empty, I felt guilty and I felt even more inhuman, for the first time in so many years I felt like I needed her” I don’t know but this was all just too much, it was way too much, I felt like crying with her…life is just not fair
Bee:”I don’t know what to do, I have never cried so much in years, in fact I don’t even cry anymore but this made me lose it”
Me:”I am so sorry”
Bee:”it ain’t your fault”
Me:”so why do you wanna kill your dad? Do you wanna pay revenge?”
Bee:”he is the one who killed her” she sat down and hugged her legs and sobbed in a most heart-breaking way…so Bee was human too and she could feel pain and cry just like the rest of us. This was too messed up, I honestly thought my childhood was messed up but I just realised now that actually I had a good childhood, I mean some kids had it tough hey
Me:”wooow this is...”
Bee:”I know it’s insane.....i wish i was there for her, to protect her from him, she was as much a victim as i was and all these years i left her with him.....i....i only realise that now”
Me:"i am so sorry Bonita i really am, but you can't blame yourself, you did what seemed right at the time, plus you were only a child when you left home and i don't blame you for being so angry"
Bee:"i am at a point where i don't know how i will move on from all this, if i will ever forgive myself"
Me:"you need to forgive yourself Bee, it’s not your fault and maybe you should go visit her grave"
Bee:"i don't know about that hey" she got up and went to sit on the couch
Me:"i also hated my dad for a while but forgiving him did something in me"
Bee:"i will see about that, thanks hey"
Me “pleasure"
Bee:"and don't breathe a word about this, not even to X or your wife"
Me:"i won't, how did you know i have a wife?"
Bee:"you have a ring"
Me:"oww, do you still want your father dead? i think if you get him killed you will feel double the pain" she kept quiet for a while
Bee:"i think i need some coffee while i think about that" she got up and walked to the kitchen and I followed
Bee:"need a cup of coffee?"
Me:"no thanks" she boiled the water while we stood in the kitchen
Bee:"i never had a friend you know, like sharing my history with anyone; I’ve never had anyone close to me"
Me:"boyfriend?"
Bee:"i don't think i still want a male being on top of me ever again so nope, i have never dated anyone, i have only slept with man for money and it ended there, now that i have enough money, i am not up for any sexing"
Me:"i understand where you are coming from"
Bee:"i am trusting you with all this V Boy, i don't ever wanna hear people whispering about me ok?"
Me:"like i said, i am just being a friend and i won’t breathe a word" she took her cup of coffee and we walked back to the lounge
Bee:"maybe i should not kill him neh?"
Me:"yeah don't, you don't need your dad's blood in your hands"
Bee:"you are right, i need to call the whole operation off and thanks for everything, i am feeling a bit light"
Me:"pleasure" she called the guys and cancelled the whole operation…I called Xolani to come pick me up
Me:"Xolani will come pick me up in a few"
Bee:"and i get to spend few more minutes with my first friend" she was smiling
Me:"hallelujah Barbie is smiling"
Bee:"who is smiling?"
Me:"uhm Bonita" she raised an eyebrow
Bee:"is that what you guys call me?"
Me:"don't turn into Bonita the boss please"
Bee:"i really want to be angry at you right now but damn it feels good to have a friend so i don't wanna ruin the moment"
Me:"ahhhh thank you i was holding my breath" she laughed a bit. Someone hooted outside
Bee:"that must be X"
Me:"oww yeah, let me get going" I got up and walked to the door, she followed me
Bee:'thank you somuch"
Me:"it’s my pleasure and feel free to contact me if ever you feel like talking again"
Bee:"i will definitely do that" I walked to the car

FEW DAYS LATER

Bonita called me one morning asking me to come to her house. I went there and she told me that she’s been thinking of visiting her mom’s grave. I told her it was good idea and offered to go with her. Well she suggested driving to Cape Town right away. I had nothing planned that day so we drove to Cape Town together. She told me that she was glad to have me as a friend because i was like her very first friend...well i was happy to be there for her.

She was inside the graveyards and i was standing out the gate in the car when i received a call from Tshililo and Rendani. They sounded so happy, i was happy to hear her laughing like that along with my sister, they were even fighting for the phone...i realised at that moment that Tshililo really needed time out from me and i needed to work on myself and make myself the best husband that she deserved. Bee walked back to the car just after my phone call
Me:" how was it?"
Bee:" enough about me, you are all smiles what happened while i was away?"
Me: "let’s just say....i have just realised how much I love my wife…she is my everything”
Bee:" That’s great news"
Me:" the best news" she walked to me and hugged me so tight.
Bee:" i have never felt more alive and relieved in my life, thank you for being my friend V Boy, i have always been rough with people, i always wanted to be in control because i was afraid of being close to people because the only experience i got from that was pain.....but you gave me something that i was really lacking.....friendship" i just smiled

We drove back to George and went to her house
Me:" i think i need to run, you will be fine mus?"
Bee:" i thought you were going to stay a bit longer?"
Me:"nahh i need to go see my brother"
Bee:" ok that’s fine.....this is kinda embarrassing but what’s your real name? i only know V Boy" i laughed
Me:"Thembuluwo"
Bee:" what?"
Me:" call me Thembu" She smiled
Bee:" owk Thembu, if ever you need any help V Boy, i am here to help, you've helped me a great deal"
Me:" sure thing" she gave me a brief hug
Bee:" i hope you won’t want anything more as time goes by Thembu, i ain't about sex and romance or anything that goes with it, I’ve had enough sex to last me a life time and for me it brings more bad memories, i mean if you'd want more I’d let you go, i can even move you to another unit"
Me:" hey hey hey hold on, i ain't about Sex Bonita, i am married and i love my wife, i just want you to be my friend and you will get to meet my wife soon too, i will just be there for you" Bee looked at me and smiled
Bee:" which planet are you from again?" i laughed...i said goodbye to her and left

I drove to my house and found Xolani chilling ahone watching soccer
Me:" i didn't know i'd find you here"
X:"ahh well you did bro, so where have you been?" i threw myself on the couch
Me:" and what’s it to you?"
X:"dont tell me you've been-"
Me:" of course not Xolani, i have learned my lesson ok? i was working?"
X:"working?"
Me:" yeah i went to Cape Town with Bee" Xolani gave me thee look
X:"what were you doing in Cape Town? First you drove around with Bee the other night and now you are doing Cape Town trips with her....You aint sleeping with the boss are you?"
Me:"eueeww what? Hell nahh....Xolani this conversation is over, come help me with the food, i wanna cook" Xolani got up and walked to the kitchen with me, he was giving me this coy smile
X:"you know what? if you were sleeping with Bee neh, bro i wouldn't even tell Tshililo, Bee is an exception.....hahahah mfondini i can even take you out on a holiday to Las Vegas as a congratulation gift mfana, that will truly be an achievement....i mean, eish bee is just a woman worth losing everything for bro" he whistled....yohh i burst out laughing...like what the hell
X:"i am telling you the truth boy, i'd do anything just for an hour with that woman, damn bro" i was seriously in stitches of laughter
Me:" you are really insane"
X:"i am just saying ok?"
Me:" chop the veggies please" he looked at me and shook his head
X:"Nokuthula has been contacting me"
Me:" what? Why?"
X:"she wanna see me"
Me:" i hope you said no"
X:"i did but Noks is just something else"
Me:" bro i understand that Noks is your high school sweetheart neh, but that girl left you and she is bad news"
X:"ok lemme get her off my head"
Me:" yeah that’s better, so my anniversary with Tshililo is in few weeks"
X:"is that for your wedding?"
Me:"ahg X no man, the wedding was in June, i mean when we started dating"
X:"so you guys have only been dating for a year and you've been through all this s***? i am sure its anough problems for people who have been married for 10 years"
Me:" but Tshililo and i were friends before we started dating"
X:"so what do you wanna do for the anniversary?"
Me:" it’s around Easter and everyone will be home but i will make a plan to take her out for 2 or 3 days"
X:"mhm great idea"