Zwi a Penga (English version) 51-55

Zwi a penga

Insert 51

The following morning Xolani woke me up. Tshililo had already gone for work…she told me that she’ll drive herself. He actually walked into our bedroom. He didn’t even knock people….like what if Tshililo was still home and we were busy making love…to think that I asked him that I wanted to have some private moment with my wife yesterday…tjoo this guy

X:" daddy’s first born"

Me: “it’s a main bedroom Xolani...MA-I-N BE-D-ROO-M it’s not for the public mfondini it’s for me and my wife nxa"

X:"yada yada yada did you get the message?"

Me:"yep did you?"

X:"yeah that’s why i am here"

Me: “update on what’s happening and what happened when i was gone Wow i can’t believe we haven't had time to talk about our job"

X:"yohh there has been few troubles mfana, Svig has enemies yazi and there was a time we were fighting off this other Nigerian guy, but we won of course"

Me: “and the stuff? Is it still the same technique? Pick-ups in Cape Town and all that s***?"

X:"nahh Bee changed that system when you guys got arrested, we don’t do deliveries like we used to....we usually travel with a bus and we also have relationship with delivery trucks for goods so we just give them few bags of our drugs to deliver for us"

Me: “wow that’s clever so what do you guys do exactly?"

X:"that’s the thing? We don’t do deliveries, we have some young boys selling on the streets as well"

Me: “so are we like jobless?" He breathed

X:"we now have our very own laboratory" I felt my stomach going into knots and my hair rising

Me:" what?" Maybe I didn’t hear right

X:"we are making our own drugs Thembu....we supply them around the country" I quickly got out of bed and started pacing…what the F***

Me: “so who is working in this lab?" I was shaking

X:"us"

Me:" How the f*** so? What do you know about chemistry and chemicals and worse, what does Svig know?"

X:"we had a doctor assisting us for months when the lab was opened"

Me: “no...but Xolani you never said anything to me about this when i was in jail"

X:"exactly, you were in jail, there was no need to burden you"

Me:" b...but how did Svig and Bee got the lab running? The chemicals? How do they do it? Ahg damn it this s*** gets worse and worse every day...if the police find that lab?"

X:"they will never"

Me: “where is it?"

X:"remember Svig's house in wilderness? Mus there is that basement down there"

Me: “so that’s the lab?"

X:"yep"

Me:"i don’t wanna work in that lab, in fact i don’t wanna do this life anymore"

X:"we have no choice brother and you should be warned, with that lab comes lot of battles, we sometimes get in serious fight with other suppliers as we are taking their customers" I put my hands on my head realising that Svig had no intention of walking out of this life and that only meant one thing...i couldn’t get out of this

Me: “let’s go to that meeting"

X:"i love working in the lab though"

Me:"i don’t want anything to do with all this"

X:"but we received training on how to do everything so it’s not a train smash and not every Tom, Dick or Jerry work inside, it’s just us"

Me:"eish"

X:"i have made peace with this life, you should too, and stop worrying about the things you can’t change"

So Xolani and I went to this meeting. It was more like a briefing for me and Sticks so that we can come to speed with everything that’s been happening while we were away as well as the changes that had been made. Yeah we saw the lab and they had a real thing going. They explained how having a lab put our lives in less danger as well as how it has brought lot and lot of enemies. I tried to ask for freedom from all this and to leave this damn life but Jay didn’t want to hear anything. After the meeting Xolani dropped me at my house and left. I decided to go check on my wife. I missed her already. I got to the building and the receptionist wasn’t at her desk. I then walked to my wife’s office. I heard voices when I approached the office…it was more like people were shouting. I stood at the door and listened.

Guy's Voice:"Tshililo I am struggling to forget what happened ok?"

Tshili:"so what do you want me to do? It’s done Ndivhuwo…Thembuluwo is back and we can’t continue" what? What are they talking about?

Guy: “the night we spent together and i took you home in the morning? That night you came to my house? Tshililo i want it all back"

Tshili:"you are insane"

Guy: “insane? The things we did in this very office, i love you, you know that" I opened the door and stood at the entrance

Me: “what the f***?"I said with my most tired voice. Tshililo looked at me with eyes full of fear

Me: “you didn’t Tshililo" I swallowed saliva while still standing there. She ran to me with obvious fear in her face.

Tshili:"bbe bbe please it’s not like that?"

Me: “like what?" I was pissed beyond the word pissed and i was trying so damn hard to keep it together. I didn’t wanna lose it and act out of anger. The pictures of Tshililo and this pig having sex flooded my mind. Nothing beats the pain of knowing that your wife slept with another man, that’s more painful than actually losing her

Tshili:"Thembuluwo i just..." I grabbed her by the neck and pinned her against the wall

Me:"Thembuluwo? I am Thembuluwo now? i guess he is baby now huh?" she was chocking. Ndivhuwo came and tried to remove my hands from her. I closed my eyes and prayed to God to give me the strength to be able to deal with all this, I also prayed that God could grant this guy the wisdom and the strength to run out of here while he still could because i was not sure of what i was capable of .

Me: “you didn’t just do that" I said looking at him…I let go of my wife

Ndivhuwo:"there is no need to..." I quickly went to him and grabbed him by his collars

Me: “there is no need for you to be alive right now" i took out my gun and pointed it at him. I realised one thing at that moment, killing Ndivhuwo will mean one thing...i will go to jail for murder and this will hurt my son more than anything and well Tshililo will move on to the next guy

Me:"i want to shoot you and kill you right now, but you know what? I have a son to think of so i will kill you but i will get someone to do it for me, i won’t get my hands dirty because i know where that will lend me, you won’t live to see tomorrow, i promise you" I let him go and then turned around and looked at Tshililo. This Ndivhuwo prank looked all scared. I looked at Tshililo and gave her a fake laugh, i walked to the door and she walked right after me

Me: “stop Tshililo" she stopped on her tracks

Tshili:"bbe I-" I walked to her and bent over to her face

Me: “you don’t get to tell me s*** anymore Tshililo, don’t follow me to my car and don’t bother coming to my house because i will do more than just killing you....i am done" just like that i walked out and left her.

I got in the car feeling all confused. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. My precious Tshililo. What really hurt was not the fact that she slept with him…no it’s the fact that I asked her about it and she lied. She should have at least told me the truth and I would have dealt with it but she chose to lie about it, i mean what does that mean? Does she even regret it? And the only way they stopped seeing each other was because i was back. The words from Ndivhuwo when he was telling her about the time they spent together was echoing in my head. I started the car and drove. I wanted to tell Xolani but how do you go about it. I mean how do you tell someone that your precious perfect wife double crossed you. I didn’t want people to pity me or telling me how sorry they were so i decided against the idea of telling Xolani. I was struggling to believe that Tshililo actually introduced me to her side guy, that girl was cruel. I was glad about one thing though, i didn’t kill the guy because that was gonna be plain stupid.

TSHILILO

Me: “what have you done Ndivhuwo, what the hell is this?" I was heading to the door. Ndivhuwo walked to me

Ndivhuwo:"i know i messed up babe but you heard what he said, you can’t follow him" what? Was he insane?

Tshili:" are you insane? I mean are you crazy? Huh? Is this you being insane? And you have the nerve to call me nyeby…don’t you realise that being your nyeby is the thing that will get both of us killed?”

Ndivhuwo:"i know you are scared that he might kill you but no one is going to die, we are going to leave this office right now and leave town babe, I have cash and we can go anywhere"

Tshili:"Ndivhuwo wake up and smell the damn coffee and stop dreaming. I love Thembuluwo" he tried to touch me but I slapped him so hard…he tried again but I slapped him again. I started crying and sat on the chair. As much as I was scared of what Thembuluwo was going to do to me…my heart hurts for the fact that I had hurt him and that I might lose him.

Ndivhuwo:"Tshililo I am sorry"

Me:" you don’t get this do you? We are as good as dead…my son is going to grow up without a mother"

Ndivhuwo:" you are afraid of this guy, i don’t think you still love him, you are afraid that he will kill you...i mean you are more concerned about him killing us than the fact that your marriage is over" i starred at him in horror, he was right...the only thing that was in my mind right now was fear...but no man I loved Thembuluwo…I am not even going to try and question that.

Me:" I need to go"

Ndivhuwo:"Tshililo"

Me:" no Ndivhuwo…you better start running because I don’t want your blood on my hands"

THEMBULUWO

I got home and packed the car and walked to the house. I took a bottle of whiskey and poured in the glass and dawned it. It tasted so badly so I had to take a break. I was confused. I never thought Tshililo could be so unfaithful to me. I switched on the DVD and put on our wedding party video. I sat and watched with a bottle of whiskey on my hand. This was it, the vows we said to each other were all for nothing. The door opened and i saw a blurry figure standing at the door, i took a good look and it was her. My beloved Tshililo. She closed the door and slowly walked to me. I didn’t want her close to me, I was too angry and half drunk and i didn’t wanna hurt her. I looked back at the TV

Tshililo:" I didn’t sleep with him baby, i promise i didn’t. I kissed him, yes but it never got to sex" i looked at her and back at the TV

Tshili:" I know you are angry but I love you and I am sorry…I just didn’t know how to tell you?"

Me: “so you say it was just a kiss?" I was still looking at the TV

Tshili:"yah"

Me: “he said something about the night you spent together" i was trying so hard to keep my cool, but it was painful

Tshili:"he came and picked me up and we went to the beach, we sat there talking until morning"

Me: “he also mentioned the things you've done in the office" she kept quiet

Me:"Tshililo you’re gonna have to start talking if you want me to understand what happened"

Tshili:"we kissed in my office"

Me:" you kissed? What kind of a kiss? Did he kiss you on the cheek or on the forehead? I want the exact picture of what happened?" I looked at her and her tears started coming out.

Tshili:"intimate kiss"

Me: “and you went to his house"

Tshili:"Thembuluwo please don’t" she was now crying

Me:" what happened in the house? i know you kissed but i wanna know what else you've done, he touched you?" She just looked at me

Me: “so...this guy touched you Tshililo, he touched you like everywhere?"

Tshili:"mhm" she nodded, i laughed, it was the kind of laugh you do when you are in so much pain and you don’t want to cry...i went to her and cupped her face

Me:" BJ? Did you do that with him?"

Tshili:"Thembuluwo i can’t" she was crying.

Me:"y...you gave him everything that’s mine Tshililo, how can you?"

Tshili:" I didn’t know you were coming back....but it meant nothing" I bent over and looked at her

Me: “it means everything to me, i have asked you more than once but you said nothing" I let her go and looked away. I was shaking with rage. Tshililo walked to me and tried to touch me but damn I lost it. I slapped her so hard that she fell on the floor…I immediately remembered my dad and my mom

Me: “what have you done Tshililo, what have you done, i am not a monster" I was screaming at her. She just gave me a very horrified look

Me:"i gave you time to confess Tshililo,  I love you, you know that...but you disappointed me my love and let me tell you this...of all the pain i have endured in this life, this takes the cake, you've officially hurt me Tshililo...i love you that much"

Tshili:"Thembu baby"

Me:"i am out of here i can’t deal with this" i walked out the door and she walked after me

Tshili:"Thembuluwo don’t leave please…baby I am sorry, just try to understand please" I went to the door and opened the door and looked on the floor

Me:" go back to the house and as for that Ndivhuwo of yours I will have to think of a better way to make him suffer for this…I am in so much pain because of him and i won’t let him get away with it and as for you? God knows what i wanna do to you, believe me when i say staying away from you is for the best...be thankful that I am out on parole and that I have a son I should think of”

Zwi a Penga

Insert 50

I was driving out when Tshililo ran to me and told me to come back to the house. She told me not to drive at the state I was in. Well she was right…driving when you are this angry wasn’t good. So I turned around and went to our bedroom and threw myself on the bed.

I must have fallen asleep after a lot of thinking because when I woke up she had covered me with a blanket and she was sitting on the couch looking at me. It was already dark by then. She told me that she asked Xolani to pick up our son from school again. I didn’t say anything I just walked out of the bedroom and down to the lounge. I went to the kitchen and took out one beer from the fridge. I sat on the couch in the living room and started drinking

Tshili:" Thembuluwo i am not going to let you crucify me for something that i didn’t do" she was standing in front of me

Me: “you did Tshililo...you did everything with him and you had the decency to introduce me to him? Do you have any idea how stupid i feel right now? i mean you work with him for heaven’s sake, you do things with him in that office, how sure am I that you didn’t do anything with him yesterday when I left you together in that office"

Tshili:"bbe please give me a break. I waited for you for 4 years Thembu. You couldn’t even wait for three months after I had our baby but I am talking about four damn years here. I only started seeing this guy like a week ago but you are too quick to judge, you don’t even want me to explain and you wonder why i didn’t say anything? This is what I was afraid of"

Me: “so it’s my fault that you chose not to be faithful? It’s my fault?" she came and stood in front of me

Tshili:"I am not saying it is babe...i just want you to be a bit understanding...i love you and i regret doing what i did with Ndivhuwo"

Me: “understand what? That you've been dating your boss whom you introduced to me? You work with that guy everyday bbe, how do you expect me to compete with that...i can’t just forget"

Tshili:" but I was able to forget Teressa, the girl you slept with, i didn’t cross that line with Ndivhuwo" she was screaming, I stood up

Me: “wow so this is what it’s about? Revenge? You want me to feel what you felt huh?"

Tshili:"Thembuluwo get over yourself, not every damn thing is about you, i was bored, lonely and miserable and Ndivhuwo happen to be there for me" I looked at her and shook my head

Me: “you know what? I am going to kill that bustard for trying to be superman to my wife, give me his address" she gave me thee look

Tshili:"no" she looked scared; she had her hands folded on her chest

Me:"Tshililo give me Ndivhuwo’s address"

Tshili:"i am doing no such thing Thembuluwo Mudau, you can’t just go around killing people, no"

Me:"Tshililo give me your side guy’s address” I was shouting at her while holding both her hands tight. She tried to get away but my grip was tight

Tshili:" I won’t do that Thembuluwo, i won’t let you kill him" she was screaming

Me:" I will f*** you up Tshililo...i will beat the s*** out of you right now…you better give me his address" i was burning with rage

Tshili:" you’re gonna have to kill me today but I won’t let you kill an innocent guy" I let her go and looked into her eyes

Me: “you love him" i whispered. Even though I said it out loud, i didn’t want it to be true, I mean that would mean a hell lot of things, like that guy handled her better than me...that's what it will mean. She must be in love with him, that’s the only explanation, why else would she fight me like this?

Tshili:"no no no no bbe I love only you but it’s just that Ndivhuwo has a daughter and I wouldn’t want the poor girl to grow up without a father because of us" she was walking close to me

Me: “do you think i am that dumb? You are in love with that boy Tshililo and I am going to find out where he stays and then I will come back for you" i took my car keys and walked to the door

Tshili:"walk out of that door and i will call the police right now...go out there and look for him but If I hear that he is dead then you are going to jail and i will testify against you Thembuluwo" her voice was loud. I turned around and looked at her; i was finding it hard to digest the words she was saying

Me:" you are joking right? You will get your husband arrested just for him? No you won’t" I was shaking my head

Tshili:"don’t test me Thembuluwo Mudau, Ndivhuwo’s death will mean that you’ll rot in prison" she had a serious look on. I couldn’t believe that my precious Tshililo was doing this to me

Me:"Tshililo"

Tshili:"Thembuluwo"

Me: “you are in love with that bustard" I went to her and grabbed her by her shirt

Me:" you don’t love me anymore Tshililo, You love him" I was shouting and taking heavy breaths...the pain i was feeling cut even deeper

Tshili:"that’s not true, I love you...i just can’t let you do it" she was crying, I took out my gun and pointed it at her, i wanted to end everything...i couldn't let her love him, no, not when i could put a stop to it

Me: “you chose this the moment when you sided with him" she looked at me with horror and started crying

Tshili:" do it Thembu, just kill me and get it over with...kill me and then you will have the joy of explaining to our son what happened to his mother" she was still crying

Me: “you are a whore Tshililo, that’s what i will tell him" I was screaming and I put my finger on the trigger and got it ready

Tshili:"you know what? Just do it already, that’s the only way I will actually leave this crap of a life you created for me. I am tired Thembuluwo, I have sacrificed way too much for you and i think it’s about time you end all of it" she was looking straight into my eyes.

Me:"crap? That’s what our life is to you?" my voice was very low…i had ran out of strength and all i wanted to do was die. I mean everything we'd been doing since I came back was just a lie? She was just pretending to still be in love with me? I took one heavy breath as I felt the tears finally rushing to my eyes…my eyes were near tears. I stopped pointed her with a gun and walked out the door.

Tshili:" Thembuluwo that's not what i meant" she called after me but i ignored her totally.

I think it was about time i accept defeat. What am i? A criminal and what about Ndivhuwo? A Supervisor at some big company…he was obviously educated and i was just a varsity drop out...i just didn't fit into Tshililo's world anymore and as much as i wanted to kill them, that was not going to be a solution and I didn’t want to get arrested again. I was totally done with this girl, she didn’t love me anymore, I mean it was all obvious. My heart was beating fast and then tears started coming out. There was only one place i thought of going, to someone who really gets the life i was living. I got in the car and I drove to the house. I wiped off the tears as soon as I got there. I got out of the car and went to knock on the door. She came to open for me and we just looked at each other

TSHILILO

After Thembuluwo left I started pacing in fear. I regretted most of the stuff I said to him but what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let him kill the poor guy. I felt confused and mostly I was scared. What if Thembu finds Ndivhuwo and kill him? Or worse what if he get involved in a car accident. Yeses my head was spinning. I called Sihle immediately and asked her to drive to George. I needed her. She told me that she was coming right away.

THEMBULUWO

I stood there looking at her for what seemed like a life time. I walked in, closed the door, cupped her face and started kissing her. She kissed me back with such a force. I carried her and wrapped her legs around me and pinned her against the wall. My body was building up; i wanted the pain i was feeling to just go away. She then stopped me and looked into my eyes

Bee: “Thembu"

Me: “Bee please"

Bee: “you fought with your wife"

Me:"i don’t wanna talk about it, i just want you please" i started kissing her again, she kissed me back and then quickly stopped me

Bee:"i think you should talk to her"

Me: “don’t" I was caressing her face

Me: “don’t deny me this Bee, i need this please...and i know you do too" i continued to kiss her. She played along and kissed me back. I walked to the three seater couch with her still on my hips...my hands were all over her hair and hers were on my back. I put her on the couch and looked at her

Me: “it’s just sex right? Nothing more"

She didn’t answer me, she just grabbed me and pulled me towards her. She helped me with my tee and i helped her with hers. Bee was a beautiful woman i must say and I was happy to do this with her. I played with her and believe me it was heaven. I don’t know if it’s because i was angry and needed something to make me better or if Bee was just good at her game. After we were done we slept cuddling on the sofa. Bee was on top of me, her head on my chest and I was busy caressing her hair. She looked up to my face and smiled

Me: “what?"

Bee: “you never disappointed me, you are as good as i had hoped....uhm and maybe better" I smiled

Me: “and you? Well you left me speechless and i gotta say, you are beautiful....and it felt like it was your first time" she smiled and kissed me

Bee: “my first time in more than 8 years" i just looked at her and smiled

Bee: “so you’re gonna tell me about your wife?"

Me: “no...i want this" i kissed her and she laughed

Bee: “so, what time are you leaving?"

Me:"i am not" she gave me that look

Bee:"i am waiting for you to tell me you are kidding"

Me:"i am very serious Bee, i am yours tonight and you can do with me as you wish"

Bee: “be careful what you say V Boy because from the look of things...we might be up the whole night" she was kissing my chest

TSHILILO

After calling Sihle, I called Ndivhuwo just to give him the heads up. I asked him if he had an alarm at his house and he said yes. I told him that if by any means the alarm goes off then he should call the police. I told him to be ready to call the police at any time. I didn’t want his blood on my hands so I had to try and keep him safe. Sihle arrived about 45 minutes later. We hugged and I cried in her arms. I told her everything that’s happened and she was just sitting there with her mouth open. She offered to stay the night and said that her husband was not going to mind. I called Ndivhuwo again before going to bed because I wanted to make sure if he was still alive and thank God he was. I was worried about Thembuluwo as well, I tried calling him but he left the phone at home.

THEMBULUWO

I woke up the following morning and Bee wasn’t in bed. I got up and went to the kitchen and found her making breakfast. We greeted each other with a kiss of course and I just stood there looking into space.

Bee:"i think you should go to her"

Me:"wh...what?" I was confused

Bee:"Tshililo, you are clearly thinking about her"

Me: “no no no you are reading wrong" I went to her and wrapped my hands around her while standing behind her

Bee: “no i am not, i know you love her Thembu and she loves you too...whatever problems that you guys are facing, you need to sort them out, this is me Thembu...i am not the one for relationships and romance"

Me: “we can’t fix this"

Bee: “of course you can" she turned around and looked at me

Me: “she doesn’t love me anymore, she is in love with someone else" my voice was low

Bee: “please tell me that 'that someone' is in the ditch someone or buried or whatever but he is not still breathing right?"

Me: “well..."

Bee: “well?"

Me: “it’s not worth it, i just got out of jail and plus it’s not gonna change how she feels about me, she will just hate me even more....she....she is not happy with this life anymore, she doesn’t want it...she told me to my face"

Bee:"owk i guess i am the wrong person for you to talk to because my solution will include killing someone or both ...i mean if she don’t love you, why pretended like she did in the first place....i really thought she loved you"

Me: “enough about that"

Bee:"owk...don’t get me wrong Thembu, you were great last night, in fact more than great" she smiled

Bee: “but i want you to go home and try talk it out"

Me: “please Bee no"

Bee:"i am begging you....i don’t know much about relationships and marriage, in fact i don’t know s*** but i know how much you dig that girl" i just starred at Bee and walked to the bathroom. I didn’t know what to do. How do i forget when i know she will be seeing him every day plus i didn’t think she still wanted anything to do with me. I walked back to Bee

Me:"i think i will just have to go and ask her few questions...i need some answers and then i will let her go...but now i also have to come clean about what i did with you"

Bee: “no you are not"

Me: “she has to know, I can’t go back to her now and act like a saint when i am not a saint...and can i sleep here again tonight?"

Bee:"ahh uhm yeah anytime"

Me: “thanks"

Bee:"i hope you understand the concept of this" she pointed at me and her self

Me:"i do"

Bee:"i love you, yes but i can’t do more than just sex with you, i have never had a relationship and don’t plan to have one so i can have sex with you every day...because you are that good" she gave me a cocky smile

Bee: “but it ends there, you deserve better and i have always believe she is the one for you"

Me:"i thought so too but...ahg i think you are done, can we just eat already?"

Zwi a Penga

Insert 52

After breakfast with Bee I took a shower and then headed home. I got there and walked inside the house. Tshililo was in the kitchen…she was in shorts, my shirt and some sleepers. How in a world was i going to get over her? I felt my heart breaking. What have i done? I shouldn’t have slept with Bee, maybe there was still a part of her that wanted me...ahg no i doubt it. She looked at me and I looked at her. The time was already past 10 in the morning…she didn’t go to work. Owk all i wanted to do was go to her and ask for forgiveness for everything i had done but a part of me was scared of being rejected. What if she was really over me?

Me: “hi" i waved

Tshili:"hi" we were like strangers. I walked past her and went to our bedroom, soon to be hers alone.

I went to the shower and showered and then got out. I stood in front of the mirror while naked and put my hand on my TTT tattoo. I felt my heart aching. Tshililo came and stood at the door. She looked at the mirror and our eyes met. My hand was still on the tattoo. I walked back to the bedroom and got dressed. I took out my sport bag and started packing few clothes. I had no idea where I was going to stay…I planned on staying with Xolani

Tshili:" You’re leaving?" she was sitting on the bed

Me:"yah, I will be at Xolani’s"

Tshili:" did you sleep there last night?”

Me:" No" she just nodded

Tshili:" I am sorry about what I said last night…it’s just that I wanted you to understand that you can’t go around killing people. I feel like you are turning into a real animal everyday"

Me:"ok" she walked to me

Tshili:"ok?"

Me:"yah"

Tshili:"bbe please let’s talk about this" we both sat on the bed close to each other

Me:"owk I am sorry about everything I’ve done Tshililo. I am sorry for involving you in this crapy life of mine…I didn’t know that’s how you see all this”

Tshili:"babe"

Me:"shhh please....sorry that I made you part of my crapy life but I am not sorry for the fact that this crapy life also gave me a son who I love so much and it also gave me a wife I love so dearly and whom I have enjoyed life with. I love you with all my heart and with everything that I have. I am sorry that I had to drag you along while dealing drugs….but i think you should have told me that you don’t want me anymore”

Tshili:"i didn’t mean it like that babe"

Me:" but you were right. You’ve been through some hard shity situations because of me so I am setting you free today. …you love Ndivhuwo I saw that last night. You don’t care about me anymore and don’t defend yourself or try to deny it, it’s not a train smash I guess, people fall out of love everyday Tshililo, it’s just that I never thought that it could happen to us"

Tshili:" I didn’t fall out of love babe"

Me:" I am not a child and I don’t want you feeling sorry for me or be afraid that I will kill your precious Ndivhuwo because i am not going to do it, I am giving you freedom today babe. I love you so much and I don’t want to hurt you. I mean that guy’s life is much more important than mine, you proved that yesterday and forcing you to stay will be a total waste of time"

Tshili:" so you are giving up?"

Me:"no...You deserve better and that’s not me...you want your shot at a normal life, a life without guns and i am giving you that right now"

Tshili:"Thembuluwo stop this madness ok...you are what’s best for me"

Me:"Tshili i saw the way you spoke about him yesterday and do you know what my problem is? When women cheat you cheat with your minds and heart, you involve your feelings when you cheat unlike us men…so let’s set each other free…start afresh and I will do the same”

Tshili:"are you dumping me?" she wiped off a tear

Me:"babe please don’t make this hard" she came in front of me and pulled my t shirt up and touched my tatoo

Tshili:"and this?"

Me: “I still love you Tshililo so this will stay here"

Tshili:"so it was all for nothing? You are just gonna give up on us just like that? All the fighting we've done? The mountains we've climbed together? And the 4 years i waited? So it was all just for nothing? Thembuluwo no, I refuse to end this, i am not having that...we are not ending this marriage just because I almost had sex with Ndivhuwo, no we are not"

Me:"bbe you don’t understand" I cupped her face and leaned over to her

Tshili:"i understand bbe...if you need time go to Xolani’s for few days I don’t have problem with that, what if i have feelings for Ndivhuwo so what? It’s just feelings Thembu you know that you are the only one I love so let this pass....i have fought for this relationship so hard and I am not about to give up" she got to me and gave me a hug. I couldn’t hold her. I was feeling shity because of what i had done last night. If i didn’t act on anger we were going to be fine and go back to normal

Me:"i cant" I pushed her away and stood a distance from her.

Tshili:"Thembu?"

Me: “when i left here last night, i was in pain Tshililo, i felt betrayed that you sided with your side D...i felt like you don’t love me anymore, I felt like you wanted him and that you’ve been pretending to me all along…I mean I am nothing compared to that guy…he has a real profession”

Tshili:"but bbe i-"

Me:" I slept with Bee" i blurted out. She didn’t say anything for few minutes. She looked at me and then away with her hands on her hips. I saw her face changing from 'bbe lets work it out' to 'don’t F with me'. She started pacing with her hands on her hips and blowing out some air.

Me:"Tshil-"

Tshili:"don’t....Thembuluwo Mudau don’t...just keep quiet" tears started coming out. She went to her closet and took out shoes and started hitting me with them. I ran to her while she was busy throwing them at me. I tried to hug her but she fought me. I held her tight until she couldn’t fight anymore so she let me be.

Me:"Tshililo i was dumb and stupid i know" she broke the hug and walked to the door

Tshili:"you are going to walk out of this door and never come back Thembu...i will get myself a lawyer who will deal with our divorce ....this is where i draw the line, I don’t even know what to say"

Me:"i know i have hurt you and i am sorry...i have been a jerk by sleeping with Bee...there is no need for a lawyer, I will give you everything you want....you can take everything on my name, I don’t have problem with that.

Tshili:" when I come back I want everything that you want packed up and ready to go"

Me:" where are you going?"

Tshili:"Bee’s house"

Me: “babe"

Tshili:"see why i didn’t want you to go to Ndivhuwo? At least I didn’t sleep with him" she took the car keys and walked out. I didn’t want her to go because I knew how stubborn Bee can be so I followed her

Me:"Tshililo?" she didn’t say anything…she just got in the Benz and drove away

TSHILILO

I got to Bee’s and parked my car and then walked to the door and knocked. It was not locked so I opened and walked in. Bee was walking to the door.

Bee:"ow Tshili"

Me: “cut the crap Bee"

Bee:"ow?"

Me: “so you slept with Thembu?" I was calm…I stood against the wall

Bee:"owk Tshililo you need to talk this out with him owk? Just leave me out of it, i don’t have time for this"

Me:"i didn’t come to fight...i am leaving him and you can gladly have him"

Bee:"i don-"

Me:"shhh!! Bee, i just came to look into your eyes to find out if it’s true, no wonder you are like an island, you have no life, no friends and no family because you have no heart, how can you stab me in the back? I trusted you...i expected that from Thembu but you?" she scratched her head

Bee:"uhm Tshili"

Tshili:"i hope you rot in this hell hole you call life...you will die a lonely heartless woman Bee, no one loves you, not even your own parents loved you because you are heartless!!! And as for Thembu...he is just as shity as you are, he only came here because we had a fight, that’s the only reason...you don’t mean fokol to anyone Bee"

Bee: “you didn’t just say that" she was angry

Tshili:"i just did. What are you gonna do? Sleep with Thembu again? Well be my guest i am done with him...so take him, i am done with guns and your shity life" I felt that Bonita deserved everything I had told her. Even though I planned on leaving Thembuluwo, my heart hurts for what he did with her.

Me:"i didn’t come to fight...i wanted to congratulate you, for putting one last strain into our marriage that finally led toa  divorce" i walked to the door and what i felt was nothing more than relief. Bee walked to me and grabbed my hand and then punched me on the face…I fell to the floor right at that minute. I was trying to get up when I saw a gun under a couch

Bee: “don’t mess with me in my own house B****" she was walking over to me. I quickly took the gun and pointed it at her. She walked back wards

Bee: “really? Can you even shoot?"

Me: “gangster wife remember?" I pulled the trigger without even thinking…it had a silencer so it didn’t make any sound but I knew I shot her because I saw her falling. And then i knew what i had done. Thembu walked in and found me holding a gun on my hand with Bee lying on the floor…I was shaking

Thembu: “babe?" he looked at me and then back at Bonita who was lying lifelessly on the floor.

THEMBULUWO

My mind went blank. I couldn’t believe what i was seeing. Bee looked dead! She didn’t look like she was still alive. I bent over to her and tried to feel the pulse, she was not breathing, she was gone...Tshililo shot her straight on the chest. I got up and looked at Tshililo who was on her knees shaking and crying. This only meant one thing; if Jay and Svig finds out about this then Tshililo was dead, they were not even going to think about it. This was bad, real bad, Michael Jackson.

Me: “she is gone Tshililo" I put my hands on my head…she continued crying.

Tshili:"what have i done? I didn’t mean to do it? I killed her Thembu...they are going to arrest me" she said all that while crying, I tried to think of how I was going to deal with this

Me: “do you have any idea what you've done? Jay and Svig will slaughter you alive if they find out about this, you won’t even make it past the trial, they will kill you" I was pacing with my hands on my hips

Tshili:" I know that Thembuluwo i was not thinking...please take care of our son, i am so sorry...it’s all my fault that you came to her in the first place" she continued sobbing, she was sitting on the floor…I went and sit next to her

Me:"Tshililo"

Tshili:"just call the police already and get it over with...this is what i wanted to do to you if you decided to kill Ndivhuwo so now you get the chance to do the same to me"

Me:"Tshililo look at me"

Tshili:" my love is over, i killed someone" she cried a heart-breaking cry

Me:"Tshililo I said look at me" I was touching her face

Tshili:"it’s game over Thembu, my life is over" she was crying hysterically and she didn’t even want to listen to me so I slapped her on the face to get her attention…this was the only way to do it

Me:"hey I said look at me...it’s not the end of you, you are not going to jail, i won’t let you go ok? No one will know that you killed Bee"

Tshili:"what? No no no no i won’t let you get arrested again"

Me:"i am not...listen to me and listen to me very carefully baby, this is the only solution...if the word gets out that Bee is dead then heads will roll so no one will know"

Tshili:"how?" she was wiping off the tears

Me" I will talk to Xolani and we will take care of it...stay here I need to check her footages"

Tshili:" she has cameras?”

Me:"yah i have to get the footage because everything that happens in this house is being filmed"

Zwi a Penga

Insert 53

So I took care of the footages from yesterday. I didn’t want any trace of me or my wife in this house. I changed the bedding as well and cleaned up the house and removed the fingerprints in the bedroom and in the kitchen. There was nothing wrong with my fingerprints in the living room because that’s where we do our meetings but the bedroom was the biggest problem. I made sure that there was no trace of me or my wife in the house. We then drove back home. The plan was to go there at mid night and take her body but if someone happen to go there before us then they can find the body but not a trace of us…I didn’t want this to lead back to us. Tshililo kept on crying and blaming herself. I was trying my best to make her feel better. I told her that she had to be strong in order for this to work. So we drove home in separate cars. We got there and I carried her to the bedroom and then to the bathroom where I took her to the shower. I left her in the shower and came back to the bedroom. She later came back to the bedroom and I had taken out some pyjamas for her and had made her a Hot chocolate…she didn’t need me telling her that what she did was bad because she knew that…she wanted my support and that’s what I was giving her.

She asked me why I wasn’t angry and why I was supporting her. Well I told her the truth…even after everything that happened, she was still the love of my life and I’d do anything to protect her and make her feel ok. I told her that what I felt was guilt…this was all because of me. I tucked her in bed and told her that I was going to sort out the mess with Xolani. She wasn’t happy with me telling Xolani what happened but I told her that Xolani was my brother and that he always puts family above everything else.

Ndivhuwo called while I was with her. She was afraid to pick up the call but I told her that I had learned that I was turning into Luvhengo and therefore she can do whatever she wanted and I wasn’t going to stand in her way. I asked her to pick up the call and she did. They talked briefly; it looked like he was just checking up on her. After that call I called Xolani and asked him to come to my house. I told him not to come with my son or Zoleka, i asked him to come alone. Tshililo asked me to join her in bed as I wait for Xolani. She was really shaken. She asked me why I wasn’t worried about Bonita being dead but I told her that I was worried but what was more worrying was that I had to keep her safe and that was my number one priority at the moment. I stayed with her in bed until Xolani knocked on our bedroom door. Tshililo told me to be careful; I kissed her and walk out to the lounge

X:"What’s up?" I sat on the sofa with Xolani

Me:" we have a problem"

X:"i am all ears"

Me:"Tshililo killed Bee" I was looking at him

X:"hahaha that’s a good one right there, stop with the silly jokes man and tell me what’s happening"

Me:"i didn’t crack a joke" Xolani stood up and looked at me

X:"wait....wh...What are you telling me Thembuluwo?" he bent over to me and his face was very close to mine

Me:"Bee is dead" I ran my hands over my face. Xolani looked at me and laughed a bit and then pulled a straight face. He walked away from me and then came back

X:"ok let’s get this straight, you are saying that Bee is dead and Tshili killed her? Please tell me that’s not what you are saying" i just looked at him

X:"hevhanna uthini mfondini? Do you know the kind of s*** that your wife got herself into? Yohh s*** is about to go down here I am telling you"

Me: “like i don’t know that already"

X:" I don’t understand this though, what really happened?" he looked really confused

Me:"i slept with Bee and confessed to Tshililo"

X:"hayini!! Nkosiyam!! What did you do? Kanti what is wrong with you? You've been sleeping with Bee?" he said putting his hands on his head and walking away from me and stood with his back against the wall

X:"so where is her body?"

Me: “in her house and we gonna have to go there around mid-night collect it and throw it somewhere"

X:"we? Like me and you? Are you insane?? Like are you seriously losing it? I am not going to put my life in danger like that, no…they will kill us if they hear that we are involved in Bee's death in anyway...that’s like committing suicide...hauwa andisoze, no...hai ndi khou hana"

Me:"Xolani"

X:"no i love myself Thembu and i still wanna live...i love you mta ka dad but this....this is beyond me" he said covering his face with his hands

I walked to him and put my hand on his shoulder

Me: “I understand your fears, believe me i do but please Xolani do this for me, I am begging you bruh, we will try by all means to be safe" he removed my hands from him and looked at me

X:"Your wife killed the boss Thembu, and what do you think is gonna happen after we bury her? Do you think they are just gonna forget about her? They will start sniffing around and if they happen to find one thing, just one thing that can connect us to her death then we are all over" I looked up and breathed

Me:"i know but look at it this way, these people have enemies right? We will send an sms that will make it look like she has been kidnapped that’s all...obviously there will be a number one enemy that they will suspect"

X:"your wife is a domkop...like dom dom...she is plain stupid....i mean the first person she kills just has to be Bee? Like seriously?"

Me: “dude don’t call my wife stupid”

X:"why not? She just submitted a death application for both of us" yohh Xolani was being too dramatic

Me: “so its fine, i will do this alone then"

X:"owk wait a minute…what happened? Why did you end up hitting it off with Bee?"

Me: “its a long story"

X:"if i am to put my life on the line then i wanna hear everything"

Me: “so you are going to help me?"

X:"just tell me the story already...i seriously don’t understand you, what did Tshililo do to deserve you for a husband huh, after the poor girl has waited for four years and 2 seconds after your release you slept with some gangster boss?" he sat on the sofa and I did the same.

Me:"yeah that was because Mr 'i will watch your wife's every move' didn’t do his job properly"

X:" what are you talking about?"

Me: “just before i was released Tshililo started seeing someone"

X:"no that’s not possible"

Me: “well it happened but luckily they didn’t have sex but it was hard for me to believe so i told Tshililo that i am going to kill that fucker but she refused and threatened to have me locked up...bro i lost it, like totally lost it and yeah i went to Bee"

X:"but why Bee?"

Me:"i kinda had a thing with Bee, she has always wanted to sleep with me but i refused but at that moment i felt like i was kak and decided that i might as well just formalise it because i believed that Tshili didn’t love me anymore"

X:"as much as i am excited about you boinking Bee, what happened to the guy Tshililo was seeing?"

Me: “nothing" Xolani stood up

X:"nothing? I mean that guy is the root of all this and you let him get away? He should be the one helping you because obviously he knew that Tshili was married"

Me: “let’s deal with the issue at hand Xolani, so are you helping me?"

X:"it’s not like i have a choice Thembu, i will do it because i wont forgive myself if anything happen to you" I gave him a hug

Me:" thank you so much bro, i owe you one"

So I burned the footages I got from Bonita’s house. I didn’t want to keep them just in case they end up on the wrong hands. Xolani and I prepared everything we were going to need for the whole thing and then we had to wait for late hours in order to go and do the job. So I went to my wife in the bedroom and she was scared for me…she said that if I get caught then it will be the end of me so she even offered to have sex with me just in case something happened. She said she wanted us to have some good last memory together just in case I don’t make it back. I refused though, I told her that after everything that had happened between us she was still angry at me but she was just overwhelmed by everything that was happening. So I stayed in bed with her and hugged her.

Close to mid night Xolani and I went to Bonita’s house and collected her body. We made sure that we cleaned up for the last time before leaving. We then left and drove on the road towards Oudtsoorn and threw her down the cliff to the valley. We were sure as hell that no one was gonna find her there. We then drove back to town. I sent an sms while in town to Svig with Bonita’s phone saying “they took me”. That’s all I said. I then switch the phone off and threw it in the dustbin. We then drove to my house. We got there and Xolani quickly got out of the car and walked to his. I got out and followed him

Me:"X don’t be like that"

X:"like what? The only reason why i helped you was because i knew you were stupid enough to go there alone and i didn’t want you to get caught or anything like that, but that’s it...i can’t hang around and make jokes about it like it’s nothing, she is someone we know and now i have to pretend in front of everyone that i don’t know what happened to her"

Me:"i know i am sorry"

X:"i need some rest Thembu, you and your wife really need some anger management counselling, and people wonder why i don’t wanna get married? Huh uh man guys grow up" he got inside the car

X:"one more thing, i am gonna be keeping that boy for few days, i am just not sure if you guys can take care of him, you are all the same"

Me:"i get that you are angry and all but that’s my son"

X:"i know that and that’s why i am taking him...you will damage that boy Thembuluwo, do you want him to know about this life? Just resolve your issues first, i can’t have you and your wife shouting at each other with that boy around" and with that he left.

I got home and found Tshililo in the lounge watching TV. She said she couldn’t sleep. She tried to kiss me but I snapped, I just couldn’t do it…I was scared, stressed out and my head was spinning. I get why she wanted me…she wanted to deal with what she was feeling but I was not in a good space. I had just thrown away my boss’s body who was also my friend and whom I also fucked last night…so I was not in a great space. So I went to the shower and cried my lungs out. I hated who Tshililo and I turned out to be. I regretted my mistakes but unfortunately I couldn’t undo them. After the shower Tshililo came back to the bedroom and I apologised for the way I talked to her. I told her that I was just stressed out and that’s why I acted like that. So we slept in each other’s arms. She woke up in the early hours of the morning crying and ran to the shower. She said she was struggling to sleep and that Bee was haunting her. She hooped into the shower and told me that she needed to clear her head and the only place to do it was in the shower so I let her be.

The following morning we woke up and acted as if nothing happened last night. We were both sad and looked lost though but we didn’t talk about the events of last night or this morning. So we took a shower and decided to go to the restaurant for some food. We used the small car because the Benz kinda reminded us of Bonita’s body. We got there and ordered some food. It was all weird. I think both of us were afraid to talk about what happened because there was too much to talk about so we wanted to just pretend like everything was fine. We decided that we should get a new car…the Benz wasn’t gonna cut it anymore, not after last night. So Ndivhuwo called while we were at the restaurant and Tshilio didn’t pick up.

I decided to tell Tshililo to think about what she wanted. It was either me and her stay married and work on our issues or she leaves me and go to him. I told her that I wasn’t going to fight it. I didn’t want to hang around with her and still have him call her. I told her that if she was choosing us then she better end things with him. And if she was choosing him then we can start talking about divorce. She said that after everything we’ve been through then she wasn’t going to just easily give up…she told me that she was choosing me and that we should go to her office together so that she may resign. I told her that I wasn’t going to baby sit her and that if she wanted to quit the job then she should do it without me

TSHILILO

We got home and I dropped Thembu off and asked Ndivhuwo to meet me at a restaurant. We got there and I told him that I wanted him out of my life for good and that I was quitting the job. He was not happy but it’s not like he had a choice. I told him that I will come to work to collect my entire stuff and to hand in a formal resignation letter. I don’t know what the future held for and Thembuluwo but I guess we shall see.

Zwi a Penga

Insert 54

THEMBULUWO

So I was checking up the cars that we were going to buy. We wanted a new car, the Benz had to be given a break or sold or whatever but for now we couldn’t use it and the Ford was just not suitable. Tshililo came back while I was busy and for few minutes I was happy, like everything seemed fine and I had forgotten about all our problems…the joy of watching them wheels. So we decided to buy the 2015 Aston Martin Virage. In the afternoon we went to Xolani’s place. Xolani was angry at us, in fact he didn’t even want to talk to us…Zoli is the one who welcomed us along with our son. Our son was happy to see us. We were happy to see him too. We were trying our best to act normal…to act as If everything was fine even though we knew that nothing was actually fine. We walked to the house were Xolani was and left Zoleka and TJ outside.

X:”and now my day is going from bad to worse” he said when he saw us walking towards him

Tshili:”Xolani please just hear us out”

X:”Tshililo do your thing with your husband ok? I have been babysitting you guys ever since I found out he was my brother, well before I even found out we were brothers and I have always put your happiness before mine but you know what? You are never going to grow up, you won’t grow up and I can’t do this anymore, I am fed up…so just leave me alone please”

Me:”but Xol-“

X:”Thembu sometimes you need to draw the line in this life. I mean if you can do that to Bee, Bee joe…then what can you do to any of our friends? It can be Zoleka or anyone else for that matter…if it wasn’t for your son, I would tell you to stay the hell away from my house so just do me a favour and go outside to your son and then leave us in peace”

Tshili:”Xolani I didn’t mean to do it, Bee was going to hurt me”

X:”Tshililo you are the one who has been going around having fun with your boss and lied about it right? So baby girl you are the root of all this, Bee’s death is on you and I am just sad I helped on getting rid of the body but I didn’t have a choice did i?” just like that Xolani walked away. Tshililo just sat on the sofa with tears on her eyes

Me:”bbe I’m sorry”

Tshili:” Xolani is telling the truth, we are bad people, what kind of people are we huh? It’s my fault that Bee is dead, I will never forgive myself” she was crying. I was still trying to get her to calm down when I received a text from Jay

“Meeting in my house now!!”

That’s all it said and I knew what this was about, it was about Bee, I was so scared but I had to act cool, Xolani walked back to us

Me: “you also received a message?”

X:”and so it begins” he was putting a gun on his waist…he was angry

Xolani and I left the house to Jay’s club. I thought about my son while we were driving. I felt sorry for him to have me and Tshililo as parents. We were going to damage that boy. Maybe I should just take him back home to my parents; I can’t have my son be exposed to this life.

TSHILILO

After Xolani and Thembu left I went to the bathroom to wash my face. Zoleka walked in while I was about to get out. We talked briefly about my son while standing there but then she decided to change the subject

Zoleka:”so this is how your life is with your husband back huh? He and Xolani are like twins, always out there dealing with stuff”

Me: “welcome to my world”

Zoleka:”this whole time I kept on thinking that things will get better but it seems to get worse everyday”

Me: “it’s not that bad”

Zoleka:”I think you’ve really become a part of this….i heard about what happened with Xolani’s female boss” I closed my eyes and looked at her, the girl was getting on my last nerve

Me:”Xolani told you? How can he tell you something like that?”

Zoli:”Thembu tells you everything right?”

Me: “well…”

Zoli:”exactly…I look at you and i….i don’t think I wanna be swallowed by this world, it gets scarier with every passing day” I had no idea where this was going

Me: “where are you going with this?”

Zoleka:”I feel sorry for your son, somehow I don’t want that poor child to get affected by all this, it’s like you and your husband are so consumed by all this that you don’t act on the best interest of your child…what if something happens and one of you get arrested again, or worst case scenario, what if you all get arrested? What will that do to him?”

Me: “are you really gonna pull that card with me right now?” ok I was getting pissed

Zoli:”I understand that we can’t change Xolani and Thembu’s lifestyle because they are already in and there is no way out…but as their women we can do something about it, make life better instead of making it worse” I put my hands on my head and shook it…I was now pissed

Me: “you’ve been in our lives for how long? 30 seconds and already you are playing Dr Phil? Hauwa man Zoleka, just get outta here if the kitchen is too damn hot for you”

Zoleka:”I am just saying that it’s your duty to protect your son Tshililo, you can’t go around killing women who sleeps with your man, like seriously? I understand Thembu would have done it but do you wanna be like him? Don’t you wanna be a better one? At least one of you has to know that life doesn’t just end with a gun….that’s what I intend to do with Xolani, support him, yes, but I should not let myself be consumed by all this and end up not recognising myself”

Me: “you think I didn’t do that? You’ve been with Xolani for just two years honey and in that 2 years things had been quite simple and easy because his brother wasn’t even around. You never had to deal with Xolani being out with ‘the boys’ like I had to when we were at varsity, the sleepless nights I have had when he was delivering drugs, I have jumped over the flats my dear, I almost miscarried my boy because of this life and I must tell you….i was an obedient woman then, I did it but what did I get in return? Does it ever get better? No it doesn’t Zoleka, it gets worse and worse every day until you look at yourself in the mirror and you can hardly recognise yourself” I was now sitting on the closed toilet seat crying

“As for Bee, I didn’t mean to do it and do you think I haven’t regretted it enough? I was hurt owk. I waited for Thembu for four miserable years, four years Zoleka, my life stood still for him and he came back and within a month he had already slept with someone? Did you and Xolani stop to think about how I might have felt? I know I did wrong because I kissed another guy and I almost slept with him but that was because I had already waited and I wanted to please myself for once…..so next time you wanna play a support group and act like Dr Phil make sure you have all the facts owk? Sometimes this life makes you toxic, makes you do things you never dreamt of….i was once a good girl like you but this is what it leads to, I know it’s not gonna be today but one day you will know what I am talking about” I walked to the door

Zoli:”Tshililo i-“

Me: “its fine Mrs Goody two shoes, I just wanna play with my son owk? Before you and your boyfriend take him away from me because I am not a fit mother”

THEMBULUWO

We got to Jay’s club and waited for everyone to be there. So Svig started the meeting. He was seriously pissed. So he told us that Bee was taken and she sent him a message. He also told us that he had some idea who might have done it. Apparently her boss in Nigeria was his biggest bet and rumour has it that the guy was now staying in Joburg. I was sitting there feeling like shitting on myself trying to think of whether I had left any clue that could lead to us. So phone calls were made and plans were made. It was believed that Nico who is Bonita’s old boss was the one who took her and the plans to attack him were made. We were going to meet at Svig’s house tomorrow morning at 4. Everyone was scared because apparently Nico was not the easiest person to deal with and Svig was prepared to do anything to find Bee. My heart ached and I was even more scared because I knew we were not going to find her and starting a war with an innocent Nico was not really a clever idea but I couldn’t say anything without burning myself. After the meeting we went our separate ways.

We got to Xolani’s house and we both got out of the car. Xolani quickly walked to me and punched me on the face…yohh what the hell? I was so confused

Me: “what the hell? Are you insane?" I said putting my hand where he punched me

X:"that’s for sleeping with Bee" i was still as confused when he punched me again...he vhanna!!

X:"and that’s for letting the situation get out of control" I pushed him away in anger

Me:"Xolani what is wrong with you? You wanna fight me? What the hell is wrong with you?" he didn’t answer me…he just walked to me and grabbed me by my t shirt and then gave me one jute and I fell to the floor. He climbed on top of me and twist my hand

X:"and that’s for forgetting that you are a damn father" he vhanna!! What the hell was this? Was he insane? As much as I was angry with him, i didn’t wanna fight him. After that he kicked me several times

X:"and finally, that’s for the mess we are in" he walked away from me and stood against his car with his hands folded on his chest. I got up as I felt the pain of being beaten up…dammit!

Me:"Xolani I will kick your damn ass…what the hell is this huh?" I was angry

X:"someone need to talk some sense into your head, look at the situation that you and your wife put us in? This is huge Thembu, people are going to die because of you and your wife"

Me:" but what’s up with beating me up? Dude I am your damn older brother and if you want to fight me then we can get down to it right here and right now"

X:" big brother my foot, not once have you act like a big brother, it’s always me, i am the one always sorting the mess out"

Me:" how many times must I apologise for what happened huh? No man please let’s move on"

X:"move on? This is not something that you just forget and move on, we are going out to kill and torture people tomorrow"

Me:"eish Xolani, i am done here, if you plan on being angry at me for the rest of our lives then be my guest…I can’t be begging for your forgiveness as if you are my father...you keep on saying that you are tired of having my back, how about you just leave me alone then? Let me make my own mistakes" he walked over to me and tried to punch me again but I held his fist mid-air and grabbed his neck by my other hand

Me:" I am not a child Xolani…we are both grown ass men here and you don’t get to beat me up every time you feel like it because if we are to seriously start fighting here then a things will get ugly…so stop this madness before I beat the day light out of you” he removed his hand from my grip and punched me on the stomach…I punched him on the face too and just like that we started fighting. I am talking about WWE Wrestling fight bruhh…we fought to a point where we even broke the left mirror on Xolani’s car. None of us wanted to back down and we both wanted to prove a point…I guess the two months age difference is what was making everything worse…we felt more like we were the same age. We were busy fighting when somehow Tshililo and Zoleka heard the noise and ran outside

Zoleka:"what the?"

Tshili:"Thembuluwo!! Xolani what’s going on?" we stopped fighting and looked at each other breathing heavily

Me: “let’s go Tshililo

Tshili:”what’s wrong?"

Me: “are you gonna play detective on me or you gonna do what i am saying?"

Tshili:"Xolani?"

X:"just go, all of you"

Zoleka:"guys please talk it out"

X:"no i am not talking out anything with anyone" he walked back to the house.

Tshililo and I drove home in silence. She tried to talk to me when we got home but I was not in the mood. So she just gave me a hug and ran me a bath…I was dirty from all the fighting and rolling on the floor. I was in the shower when Tshililo started playing Christina Perry Thousand years. I closed my eyes while sitting in the bath and thought about us and where we come from and how long we’d come. Tshililo just stood against the wall looking at me

Tshili:"Thembu"

Me:"Tshili" the song was playing softly

Tshili:" what’s going on?"

Me:" I don’t know Tshililo, everything is going wrong"

Tshili:"do you know what feels right?

Me: “us...the fact that we are here together is the only thing that feels right"

Tshili:" so what’s up with you and Xolani?"

Me:" he is still angry with us, I don’t even want to talk about it"

Tshili:" I love you"

Me:" I love you too, this is the only thing that makes sense right now....we can’t even stay with our son baby, what kind of parents are we? Tomorrow morning we are going to hunt down the people who are suspected of taking Bee…my heard is buzzing Tshili, like I wonder if we will ever be happy in this life…we are only happy for a day and then cry for a month….i am tired”

Tshili:"i know what you mean Thembu but we don’t have to lose hope, we love each other and we’ve been through worse so this too shall pass.... you are a strong man Thembu…do you remember when Xolani spent few days in a coma? You were there for him and you also supported his family. Remember the time you were almost arrested in PE? Babe you were able to survive because you are a fast thinker and a strong man. Even though I was angry at the time but you managed to save Sharon when she was kidnapped babe because even with everything that’s going on, you are a good guy. One thing I know about you is that you are a good person my love. Do you remember when we were in Durban and got attacked? You managed to save me and our son first and then got shot trying to save yourself but you put our safety first...you’ve always been supportive to our family....do you know why I am telling you all this? I want you to know that this is nothing compared to where we come from Thembu, we're made for this kinda shit and we don’t have to feel sorry that we are what we are...i am not happy with everything we've done but shit happens and we have to bounce back and move on, we've always done that" damn people this girl neh? We were looking each other in the eyes

Me: “babe I am speechless…you gave me the strength that I needed. I don’t know what I’d be without you Tshililo. When we met I had no idea that we will end up here and I don’t regret having you in my life, you always support me so let me promise you that I will always protect you and put your safety first. Even though we’ve been through some sticky situations we’ve always had fun together and I think that right now we should focus on our happy memories. Like the first time i went clubbing with you, Xolani, Thembani, Ncedo and Sihle" we both smiled at the thought. We started reminiscing at the old memories of us together and we just laughed. Sihle called Tshililo to check up on her while we were laughing. She told her that she was fine. Somewhere around mid-night Tshililo was having bad dreams and she screamed and cried…I held her tight and told her that it will pass. I’d been through that too so it shall all pass in good time.

The following morning I drove to Svig’s house. I got there and found Xolani already there. He walked to me as soon as I got there…I thought he was coming to apologise

X:"you are the last person i wanna talk to but since this might be dangerous...i just wanna remind you of our deal...you know mus, if one of us don’t make it, the other one takes care of the family"

Me:"yeah hopefully we will all make it"

X:"yeah" we didn’t say anything else to each other so we just walked inside the house

So we had a meeting and we were briefed again about how everything was going to take place. So Nico stayed in Joburg so the plan was to drive to George to catch a private jet to Joburg and then we were going to destroy this Nico nigga. We were not supposed to kill him, we had to destroy everything and anyone else close to him but he should be kept alive…Svig just wanted to teach him a lesson then demand for him to bring Bonita back. So we left in two different cars. I was in the same car with Xolani. We looked at each other when we got inside the car with the guns and murmured the I love you’s and then looked away from each other. We were approaching the intersection where the N12 joins the N2 road close to the Garden Route mall when we heard Police Sirens from George. We had communication radios in the car so Svig asked us to turn around and drive back to his house. He said that there was a garage in there that the Police were not going to be aware of. As long as we get to the house 10 minutes before the police then we were going to be safe. So Jay stepped on the accelerator, we had to speed in order to pull this one of. I looked at Jay who was driving us and reminded him that getting caught was no option because we were both on parole. He looked at me and said that we weren’t gonna get caught.

TSHILILO

With Thembuluwo gone i was back to my worrying self. I was worried about him and his safety like I had done few years back. I decided to drive to Xolani’s house. Maybe some time with my son will help. I got there and watched my son sleeping because it was still early. I told Zoleka that I didn’t want him to go to school because I was too stressed and wanted some time with him. I was still talking to Zoleka when I suddenly felt nauseous and felt the vomit rushing to my mouth. I ran to the bathroom and vomited…the f*** is this now?

THEMBULUWO

We were shooting at the police so that they don’t catch up with us. Jay was still stepping on it. You know that moment when the car is so fast that you are actually sitting at the edge of the seat because you are scared? That’s how it was. We were now at the curve on top of the hill near Wilderness where you can see the full view of the ocean when One Police car was close to our car. So Xolani and I were trying to shoot the car when we heard a big bang and the car lost control...i think our front tire was shot… Aaaa!!! The car spun around in a circle and we lost control of the guns and everything fell and spun around along with the car…we were so scared and afraid to die that we couldn’t even see what was going on anymore. And then it happened...the car got off the road and went straight to the sea. I just got the shock of my pathetic dangerous life when I looked down and saw the water below us as the car was falling down the cliff and that’s when I realised that we were in the air and were going down to the ocean

Jay:"no no no no no" i heard him yelling. I looked at Xolani when our heads were facing down and he looked at me too

Me: “sorry Xolani...just know that I love you" I was full of fear, this was it, it was the end of us

X:"love you too" we took each other’s hands and closed our eyes and waited to die. The easy way to die would be if the car falls on the rock and we would just die without a single pain but the worst way to die would be falling in to a deep area and drown. Either way this was the end....

Zwi a Penga

Insert 55

TSHILILO

It’s been hours since the guys left and we still hadn’t heard anything. We called Jay’s wife and she still hadn’t heard anything too. We couldn’t stop stressing because it seemed as if the guys just disappeared. I could sense that something was awfully wrong. I was trying to get Zoleka to get a gun so that we can try and protect ourselves if anything happens…we were still trying to do that when some guys barged in at the house and took us all. They took us to the van and drove away. The van had no windows so we couldn’t really see where they were taking us. My heart ached for my son. He looked so terrified. They stopped at some house in the middle of nowhere. Everyone was there…I am talking about the women of our gang…from Jay’s wife to Sticks wife and Svig’s child…they were all there. One guy came and told us the reason for being there. Apparently we were being used as leverage to our gang…hopefully Svig was going to do the right thing and free us all.

THEMBULUWO

So I woke up and found myself on the bed with Xolani looking at me. I don’t know how and when I passed out or how I got here. I tried to apologise for everything I had put him through but he told me that we had more pressing issues on our hands. So this is how we got out of the water. Jay managed to shoot the window screen and we managed to get out of the car and swam to the shore. The police couldn’t really follow because we were far way down so a chopper or a boat was the only thing that could get them to us. After Svig got to his house he called some guy with a chopper to come get us and so they did. I think I had taken in way too much water and that’s why I was unconscious for a while.

So we were now in PE and Xolani updated me on what’s been happening. It seems like one of the guys that Svig called wanting info about this Nico guy told Nico about us. I mean that was the only way that the police could have known about us or Nico knowing about us coming for him…someone must have told him. So I was told that our families were kidnapped and I immediately panicked…I was thinking about my son and I couldn’t help but worry. Nico was demanding that we call it quits and stop the fight we were prepared to give him. He said that he didn’t have Bonita and we should just let him be. That was supposed to be very simple but it wasn’t because Svig was making it very difficult. He said that he wasn’t going to surrender. The whole team begged Svig to let it go…we all begged him to make peace with Nico and let him go free for our family’s safety. After a little bit of thinking he finally agreed and we celebrated. Svig made a call to Nico and told him that he was calling everything off…Nico told him that our families were being returned to their homes. It was obvious that Svig wasn’t happy at all with the arrangement, he was hell bent on finding Bee and Nico kept on saying that he wouldn’t be as stupid as taking Bonita from Svig.

So we all drove back to George and then went to our families. I got home and found Tshililo with my son on her arms sitting on our bed. I got there and hugged him. Thembu J was obviously shaken up and was crying. I hugged them and apologised to Tshililo for everything that was happening in our lives, she told me not to apologise and that she was the one who was supposed to apologise because it was all her fault. So we bathed our son together and tugged him into bed. It was still in the afternoon but he needed some rest. We sat there together looking at him. I made one important decision at that moment. I was going to take my son back to Venda; I couldn’t risk his life like this or have him exposed to my dealings. I wanted what’s best for him and being away from George was the best. I told Tshililo about the decision to take our son home and she told me that she wanted at least few more weeks with him and then we can take him home. 

The following day in the afternoon Tshililo and I went to the Doctor after making an appointment. We first took our son to Xolani’s and then drove to the Doctor. Well Tshililo had been vomiting and feeling sick since yesterday. We had no idea what was happening but with everything that’s been going on maybe she was just too stressed, I don’t know. We got there and went in for our appointment. We told the Doctor everything that she’s been feeling. He smiled and said that it sounded like great news and that we might be pregnant. I didn’t want to believe that we were pregnant simply because I knew that this was not good timing to have another baby. So he did the pregnancy test first and boooom…Tshililo was pregnant.

Me:"Tshililo you are pregnant?"

I said as soon as the Doctor told us the news. She just looked at the test and nodded. Owk I was disappointed. A baby was the last thing that Tshililo and I wanted right now. I got up and walked out the door. I thought about what my son just went through and to think that there was another baby on the way who was possibly going to go through the same thing. I felt like I needed time to prepare myself for a second baby…try and make sure that the situation was better because nothing was better now…everything was bad. I started pacing as I let the news settle in. after a while Tshililo walked out to me

Tshili:"Thembuluwo what was that?"

Me: “what do you mean what was that? Pregnancy Tshililo? How can you fall pregnant when you can see the situation we are in huh? We are not in a condition to add a new family member right now and that’s why we are taking Thembu home” she looked at me and gave me a fake laugh

Tshili:" so I fell pregnant? Thembuluwo stop acting like I did this alone”

Me: “Babe I didn’t know that you were not preventing…how was I to know that you were not doing any family planning” yohh I was seriously beside myself over here

Tshili:" you didn’t give me time to think about that. If you remember correctly you are the one who called me a night before your release…how in a world was I going to think about family planning? I was too excited to think about that…we both were”
Me:" a baby Tshililo, another baby? We are too poisonous and being parents to another child will be more of a curse to that child than a blessing, i can’t put another child through what Thembu is going through....TJ spends most of his time with Xolani than he does with us"

Tshili:"and you think i don’t know that? I didn’t plan this Thembu it just happened. I guess I was too happy that you are back and I forgot about the possibility of this” and then i remembered that Tshililo also shared the same feelings as mine…there was no need to blame her, she was also a parent and she was also part of this life so she felt as bad as i did

Me: “sorry for blaming you...it’s just that we can’t have another child Tshililo, not like this...i can’t live with myself knowing that I have three people whose life I am putting in danger, it’s enough that i have to worry about you and Thembu, i don’t want another child to go through this" I was standing against our car. Tshililo walked to me and stood beside me. I hugged her

Me:" I love you ok?"

Tshili:"i love you too"

Me: “let’s get going"

We drove to Xolani’s to pick our son up and then went back home. We spent the remaining hours of the afternoon together as a family. It felt great to finally have some family time even though we knew that it wasn’t going to last long. Tshililo left me and my son and said that she was going to Sihle’s just to clear her head. Well I was concerned because you don’t drive to Knysna to clear your head so late at night but then she said that she wanted some time with her friend. I decided to let her be…she was pregnant so we all know how pregnant women gets plus I was happy to have some boys time with my son.

TSHILILO

I was honestly stressed. The thought of having another child who was going to be tangled up in all this scared me to death. Last time I was pregnant I almost lost my son so what guarantee do I have that I will carry this one full term? I couldn’t bring another child to this life. I felt that I needed to speak to someone about this. I got to Sihle’s place and the gate was locked. I called her and she said that she had plans with her husband. They were out eating dinner because it was already late. No matter how stressed out I was I couldn’t ruin my friend’s dinner with her husband. I was disappointed though, I felt like crying. I really needed to talk to someone about this. I drove back to George and decided to go to Rotenda’s flat. Rotenda was not someone I liked to share my most sensitive stuff with but at this point I was desperate. I wanted a friend to lean on. I got to her complex and walked to her flat and knocked on the door. I was hoping that she didn’t have any plans. As far as I know Rotenda was very much single.

Rotenda:"hey friend" she had a big smile on her face.

Me:"Rotenda" I said that and gave her a hug and then just cried

Rotenda:"Tshililo what’s wrong?" I just squeezed her and cried in her arms, she rubbed my back in silence. After a while she broke the hug and looked at me

Rotenda:"uhm i will just make you some hot chocolate ok? Come on in and sit down” I nodded and walked in. I got the shock of my life when I looked in the living room and saw Bongani sitting there…huh?

Me:"Bongani?" 

Bongi:"Tshililo?" he looked surprised

Me:"Rotenda forget about the hot chocolate…we will talk some other time ok?" I walked out

Rotenda:"Tshil-"I had already closed the door and running to my car. I won’t lie, Rotenda and Bongani? I was so damn jealous. Not that i wanted him for me but because i knew that he would make Rotenda happy in a way that i would never be. My heart was in pain. Bongani was a good guy and somehow i wanted him to date someone i didn’t know, not Rotenda. I got to my car and opened the door ready to get in and he took my hand

Bongani:"Tshililo"

Me:"Bongani let me go" I had tears on my face

Bongani:"it’s not what you are thinking"

Me:"ow? You are a psychic now? You know what i am thinking?"

Bongani:"damn it Tshililo you know what i mean"

Me:" i don’t have time for this" I was opening the door

Bongani:"stop it ok? Just stop....i don’t like seeing you like this, i never have....you are my friend Tshililo and you can talk to me, i never stopped carrying you know" we looked into each other’s eyes

Me: “unfortunately i am grown up enough to know when someone is trying to take advantage of a hurt vulnerable woman, go back to my friend Bongani, you are friends with her now" I said that and got inside my car and drove away

My head was spinning....all my friends were happy and moving on with their lives and what was i doing? Standing in this hell hole I call a marriage…it was so draining…why did I even rush into this marriage huh? At 25 i had been through enough problems to last me a life time. I drove back to my house. I parked the car at the drive way and sat there for a very long time. Thembuluwo walked out and came to me. He opened the passenger door and got in

Thembu: “you’ve been out here for quite some time now…I heard you driving in”

Me:"yah"

Thembu: “let’s go to bed baby, we will be ok"

Me:" I can’t Thembu, we tried with TJ but it’s failing…we are seriously failing to be parents, our lives are in danger.......I want a divorce" I said that and quickly got out of the car. Thembuluwo got out and ran to me and took my hand

Thembu: “Babe?" What i saw was FEAR in his eyes, he looked scared, but i had no choice but to end this, i had to do it for my children, i had to keep them safe

Me:" I will sleep in the spare room tonight, i am done Thembuluwo" I was crying. He took my hands and shook his head

Thembu:"b....Tshi....bbe please....Tshililo please....don’t .....Don’t do this to me please"

Me:"i can’t let our kids be part of this" he went down on his knees and hugged my legs with his head rested on them

THEMBULUWO

Owk what Tshililo was demanding was scary as hell. I loved this girl and life without her seemed so impossible, there was no way that i was gonna agree on divorcing her. I held her tight

Tshili:"Thembuluwo please" I let go of her and looked up at her

Me: “are you just gonna throw everything away? Tshililo we’ve been through a lot together, we love each other…ndi a mufuna ma vhanna" I got up and took her hands

Me:" i know that the last few days has been the worst but Babe this is us, we always find a way"

Tshili:"but our ways won’t be good for the kids, you didn’t see how scared Thembu was when we got kidnapped...that child was seriously horrified Thembu, I can’t sit around and let my kids go through this time and time again, not when i can do something about it"

Me:" I agree with you Tshililo, we need to do something to ensure the safety of our kids but we can do it together, me and you"

Tshili:"you don’t control your life, Svig does and Thembu you don’t want your kids to hate you the same way you hated your dad right?" I let her go and walked to my car and stood against it

Me:" how is my dad getting involved in all this?"

Tshili:" do you think that if our kids end up like us they will thank us? Are they gonna love us for this? We are battling as it is and how do you expect the kids to cope?"

Me:"i will never let my kids get involved in this Tshililo, you know that"

Tshili:"the same way you wouldn’t let me get involved in the past? Look at me now? I am in too deep and i have permanent scars in my heart to show for it and the worst one being murder....i don’t want the same for them, i want to give them a shot at a normal life" I stood there with my hands on my head realising that what she said made sense but damn i couldn’t let her go