Life As We Know It 96-100

Life as we know it
Insert 96

After a very long time we broke the hug. He looked away wiping his tears
Eugene:” I am sorry about this” he said sniffing, I wiped off my tears too
Me:”it’s cool” he turned and looked at me with his eyes red
Eugene:” so you will try?” it was as if he was having difficulty accepting what I just said
Me:” but there is a condition” I looked at him
Eugene:” anything for you love” he said coming to me and holding my hands but I removed them from him, I wanted him to know the importance of what I was saying
Me:” you have to see someone, a shrink and I will go with you to every session” he frowned
Eugene:” I will do anything else but not that please” I shook my head
Me:” that’s the only condition Gee, you need help, professional help and I can’t give you that…this is hard for me as is, I can’t even believe that I am about to do this so the least you can do is to see a shrink” he breathed
Eugene:” ok…I will do it…now come here” he smiled a bit. He took me in his arms and squeezed me again
Eugene:” thank you for loving me, I wish you could be able to feel what I am feeling right now Andi, thank you so much”
Me:” I am scared though, the things you told me….it’s too much”
Eugene:” I understand why it scares you” I held him tight as I let tears fall.
If I say that I was not scared then I will be lying to everyone. I was terrified of what I had just agreed to. I was not even sure if it was the right thing to do but I knew I loved Eugene and he said he needed me to save him, so maybe I could save him. But….but what if I fail? What if he goes back to slaughtering people? Where will that leave me? Can I leave him then? Will he let me? Even if he let me leave him I don’t think he’d let me move on with someone else. I decided not to dwell so much on the future and just focus on the now. And right now I was in his arms and I loved every minute of his hug. He slowly broke the embrace and stared into my eyes
Eugene:” you are the only one I will ever love Andani, sometimes I feel like the words fail to explain what I am really feeling inside, you are everything to me” before I could even think of replying, he was already kissing. Kissing…well we did that before, all I needed was him inside me. So I moved away and gave him my bedroom eyes as I took off the PJs I had just put on. He looked at me and started taking off his clothes….our eyes were locked at each other as we were busy undressing
Me:” you drive me insane” I said as I was totally naked, he came to me as he was done undressing too. He took me and threw me on the bed
Eugene:” you are sure right?” I nodded
Eugene:” I don’t have a condom” to hell with that
Me:” I know I haven’t been sleeping with anyone, have you?”
Eugene:” of course not” he dived onto me and didn’t waste time on the kissing and the BJ and so forth…no, he went straight for the kill and that’s exactly what I wanted. The feelings I felt at that moment overwhelmed me and I found myself crying. It was not because I was in pain though….it was a mixture of pleasure, joy, nervousness and love. Eugene was busy moving in and out with my nails digging at his back when our eyes met and he stopped the movement
Eugene:” babe?” I could see from his facial expression that he was horrified to see me cry
Eugene:” did I do something wrong?” he tried to pull out but I wrapped my hands around him….instead of answering his question I just shook my head
Eugene:” you’re sure?”
Me:” I am just happy that’s all” he kissed me and continued

After making love we lay naked on the bed looking at each other
Eugene:” thank you”
Me:” no thank you”
Eugene:” I promise I won’t disappoint…I will make you happy Andi, I won’t ever make you cry again ok?” I just nodded. I was feeling uncomfortable…in fact it was a feeling of uncertainty that was being accompanied by nervousness.
Eugene:” and I am sorry about Rialivhuwa”
Me:” don’t ruin the moment” talking about Ria was the last thing I wanted to do
Eugene:” no let me explain why I did what I did”
Me:” because you thought I’d go back to him, I know and I don’t want to talk about it” my mood was suddenly changing
Eugene:” not just that….Ria falls under the class…you know…my class and the only reason why I let him live for that long was out of respect for you but when I realised that you went to him for help. I thought you’d go back to him, as in be with him again and I couldn’t bear the thought of Omphu going through the same thing I went through with my dad…I am sorry” ok I don’t know if Eugene was trying to turn everything around and blame it on his past but it sounded like that’s what he was doing
Me:” Eugene please right now I feel like you are justifying killing Ria and no matter the reason….you had no right to do it….if he was a bad father then cool, Omphu was gonna decide on that when he was grown enough but you didn’t give him a chance to even know his dad”
Eugene:” because just like mine, his father was not worth knowing” I took a deep breath
Me:” let’s not do this now…this is why I want you to go see someone”
Eugene:” and I said I will…I love you ok?”
Me:” I love you too”

So he put his head on my tummy and fell asleep on that position. I couldn’t even close my eyes; I was still horrified about everything he had told me and with each passing minute the reality of the situation was sinking in. Eugene was not just a criminal, he wasn’t just a gangster….he was a serial killer, a human slaughter….how do I love someone with such an ugly personality? My heart was beating out of my chest; I started sweating so I felt that I needed some air. I slowly removed his head from my tummy and I slowly got out of bed. I looked at him and shame he looked so peaceful. I looked for my underwear and I found it on the floor. I wore it and walked out of the room. I walked to his room and found my son still sleeping. I walked to Eugene’s closet and took out one of his shirt and wore it. I walked out of the sliding door of his room and to the balcony. I stood out there hugging myself looking out on the streets.

I must have stood there for more than 30 minutes. My mind was on a race. I was thinking about it all. What being with this man could do to my life or the lives of the ones I loved. Maybe I should not think about the stuff he had told me. Maybe I should think of him as the innocent Eugene I met months back. But it was impossible to do that. It was impossible to think of him as a normal person when I already know all these things about him. I stood there and let the tears flow. I couldn’t erase the picture of him with a knife stabbing someone and laughing as the man screams…is that how he does it? Does he laugh at these men? I stood there trying to figure out a man I was in love with and it was such a difficult thing to do. As for me helping him, how in a world was I supposed to do it? One thing was very much clear or so I thought…I was not going to get involved in any of Eugene’s dealings. I didn’t want to know what he do or how his drug businesses were going, I didn’t want to know s*** and no matter how bad things turn out, I didn’t want to find myself covering for him or holding a gun for that matter. I wanted us to continue living a normal life like we did before I found out anything.

I felt like I needed to do something, something to help me let out some steam. I wanted to jog but it was already dark outside and this was Gauteng so I didn’t want to take a risk. I walked to my room and took out some tights and a tank top and wore some sneakers. Last time I was here I heard something about a gym. I didn’t see it but they said it’s somewhere downstairs. So I walked down the stairs and hunted the gym until I found it. I got in there and started on the punching bag…I wore the hand cuffs and I punched and kicked the bag with tears in my eyes. There were little parts of me, maybe not so tiny but they were there…these are the parts that were whispering in my ears saying that I made a mistake and that Eugene didn’t need saving because there was no change for him. I also felt like everything was going to backfire on me and also I felt like I was betraying Rialivhuwa. This is the man that killed Omphu’s father but on the other hand…my heart was shouting “I love him” I sobbed as I was busy kicking and punching. I was busy when the door opened, I didn’t even look to see who was there, it was him obviously and I think I didn’t want to see him. I was angry at myself for loving him so much that I I’d decide to stay with him even with everything that I knew.

Eugene:” cupcake do you have any idea how worried sick I was when I couldn’t find you?” he said grabbing me, I fought him trying to get him to leave me alone but his grip around my body was tight
Eugene:” love?”
Me:” Eugene leave me alone” I was still fighting him
Eugene:” no…please stop fighting me” he said trying to get me to look at him. I stopped fighting when I realised that it was a losing battle, Eugene wasn’t going to let me go. He held me into his arms as I sobbed. He then broke the hug and looked at me
Eugene:” my love talk to me” he wiped off my tears
Eugene:” Andi?”
Me:” I am scared” I whispered
Eugene:” I know that and I am sorry” he hugged me again
Eugene:” you are scared because you don’t know what will happen tomorrow, you are scared that I might relapse right? You are not sure if you’ll be able to handle me right?” I nodded
Eugene:” I get it but I will try my best to make it easy for you…I won’t relapse babe, with you on my side I will never do anything that could hurt you ok? You are my light remember? And I will go see the shrink”
Me:” it is still scary Eugene, I don’t want you to ever ever kill people…let alone torture them” I could hear him swallowing
Me:” Eugene?”
Eugene:” yes I got it”

Eugene took me to my bedroom and insisted on bathing me…yeah yeah I know right? Well after that I got dressed in his shirt and some clean undies only. It was just me and him in the house so I could walk around with my man’s shirt on. We then went to the kitchen to dish up some food. The time was now past 9 in the evening. Somebody buzzed at the gate. Eugene went to answer
Eugene:” who is it?”
Thabi:” it’s me” Eugene looked at me and smiled
Eugene:” Thaby is back”
Me:” mhm, I can’t wait to break the news to her”
Eugene:” that shirt you are wearing will do the explaining” he giggled. He pressed the button and I stopped dishing up and went to him. We stood at the door waiting for Thaby with our hands around each other smiling. She opened the door and damn! Kat stood there with her bony ass holding Thaby’s hand.

Life as we know it
Insert 97

Gatapatata I was unable to can….what kind of fuckery was this? Not this, not her, not now, not in this house. I stood there and tried to remove my hands from Eugene’s waist but he tightened his grip and made sure that I don’t let him go
Kat:” hey?” she said with a wide smile
Me:” hi” I was rolling my eyes and doing that thing with my mouth to show how disgusted I was. I looked at Eugene who looked back at me with an apologetic look and then we looked back at them
Thaby:” uhm”
Kat:” can you let us in? Because this is a little bit awkward, really it is” we moved and let them in and then closed the door.
Kat was in some short dress….did you hear what I said? I said a short dress as in extremely short dress that was obviously meant to arouse my Eugene…I felt my blood boiling thinking about Kat and Eugene sexing, it was an ugly picture. She was wearing that dress with some heels. Her long weave was hanging all over her shoulders…she had applied make up on her eyes and also was wearing a red lipstick…she didn’t look bad and for a second I felt threatened…I mean all I had was a little pony of my own hair and Eugene’s shirt plus some sleepers and my competition was standing here looking like a damn model.
Me:” so what are you doing here?”
I really wanted her gone, I couldn’t stand any more minute with her in the same room, no it was difficult and for a second I felt that I experienced what Eugene experienced with Ria….i could feel the heat she made me feel, the jealous I couldn’t even explain. I mean the girl hadn’t slept with Eugene ever since I met him but imagine if he had cheated on me with her? I’d be devastated and that’s how Eugene had been feeling.

Eugene:” what the hell are you doing here?” he looked at her with that look, that bossy look that I really didn’t want to stand up against but I was glad that it was Kat he was talking to
Thaby:”I might have called her in the afternoon when I left here” he raised an eyebrow
Kat:” and as we’ve discussed Eugy I happen to be in town”
Lord help me... can I just get a permission to throw up on her damn face? She said something about Eugene knowing that she was in town, what did that mean? What was she saying? So Eugene had been in contact with her? I wanted to question him right there about that but I couldn’t give her the satisfaction nor show her that what she said took my attention…I looked at Eugene who was now totally nervous…so something was up. I tightened my grip around his waist wishing I could squeeze the life out of him at that moment. If Eugene had been playing me I swear to God I was leaving him and I was never looking back. I couldn’t deal with the cheating and lying man again…I thought he said he’d never talk to her
Thaby:” yeah and I spent the rest of the afternoon with her and then she volunteered to bring me home”
Kat:” and she also invited me to sleep over” that was it…this was way above me.
I looked at Thabeleng with nothing but rage…how could she do this to me? Calling Kat to sleep over knowing very well that I was here? This girl was a damn spoilt brat and if this is who she really was then…she was off my books, seriously I was unable to cope but I stood there with my man with our hands wrapped around each other putting up a damn painful front. I just wanted to disappear and be alone with Eugene so that I could shout at him and be angry at him because to be really honest I was angry but I couldn’t really show it because Kat was here and I didn’t want to give her something to smile about.
Me:” seriously?”
Thaby:” guys i…I thought you’d be sleeping already when I get home” she sounded apologetic but I really didn’t care about that
Eugene:” it’s not happening, Kat you are not spending the night in my house….Thaby don’t have a house so I am saying that you should leave”
Kat:” bu-“
Eugene:” but fokol as in nada ok? Don’t breathe a damn word again” ok so Eugene can be rude when he wanted to huh? I was seriously glad that he had never taken that tone with me. She looked at him and blinked
Kat:”Eugene i-“
Eugene:” I will pretend like I didn’t hear that, you don’t want to make me upset katlego, you really don’t want to” she swallowed and blinked more
Eugene:” you come with me” he pulled Thabeleng and disappeared with her through the passage, he was really angry.

Kat:” I heard you have broken up and now I see you wearing that?” ooooook….did she expect me to answer that? Well I didn’t plan to. I walked away from her and to the living room
Kat:” I know what being alone in a house can do to people…you get bored and you end up f*****g, I think that’s what happened here”
Me:” so you think we are just having sex? Well let me break the news to you…we are back on track, Eugene is mine and all mine so take a chill pill already” I took a TV remote and started skipping channels. She sat on another couch
Kat:” really? Eugene don’t do love or whatever you think you are having. I knew from the very beginning that your engagement wasn’t going to last. You don’t even know this man”
Me:” and you think you do?”
Kat:” I know I do…there are things about him, things he wouldn’t share with you because you just don’t belong in his world and if you knew those things…you’d run”
I looked at her and blinked. She could only be talking about him and his double life. So she knew about his other life as well? I felt betrayed and lied to. He said he had never told anyone else about himself, that I was the only one who knew. I wanted to break down but Kat was here so i had to keep it together. How could Eugene lie to me like that?”
Me:” I guess you are talking about drugs, brothels and everything else in between” I said keeping a straight face gauging her reaction. She bettered her eyelids making it obvious that I had shocked her, she really thought I didn’t know
Kat:” he told you?”
Me:” he sure did”
Kat:” b…uhm…it’s…it still doesn’t mean anything, I mean he told me too” looking at how she was stuttering, I knew I got her
Me:” whatever makes you sleep at night”
Kat:” if you know the truth about his world then you also know that you don’t belong in it….he needs strong women who grew up In the streets like myself not some rich girl like yourself so I know you won’t last and he will never run the empire with you….that’s my cup ‘a tea” I widened my eyes…so she wanted to run everything with him huh? Is that what he promised her? I had so many questions for Eugene but they all had to wait for the right time
Me:” I would really like to be you so that I’d be able to know what really goes on in that little head of yours, why would you torture yourself like this and fail to accept that the two of you are done”
Kat:” you know what? I w-“
Me:” Kat Kat Kat….the bottom line is that I am the one he is calling a fiancée right now and I am the one he is sleeping with so if you are so convinced that he’ll marry you then wait for your turn, wait for him to dump me for you ok?” she looked at me as if she wanted to cry. At least I was able to put her back in her place….that was worth celebrating. Eugene walked back in the room with Thabeleng

Thaby:” uhm Andani I am sorry I really am…and Kat i….thank you for today but....”
Kat:”but?”
Eugene:” you are leaving”
Kat:” But Eug-“
Eugene:” I am not asking you Kat...just leave ok? I hate that I have to do this to you but….you can’t keep doing this, popping up in my life and all that”
Kat:” popping up in your life? Wow so this is the thank you I get for supporting your sister huh? I didn’t call her, she called me and needed a sisterly support and I gave that to her and offered to drive her home and agreed to sleep over when she asked me to and now I am the bad guy? And I am popping up in your precious life? Wow”
Thaby:” Eugene please I called her and she really helped me ok? Just let her stay for dinner” what was up with this Thabeleng child? Eugene looked at me and I raised my hands up in defeat
Me:” not my house” I said walking to the kitchen
Eugene:” she can stay but she leaves first thing tomorrow morning and don’t do any funny business katlego or I swear-“
Kat:” no need for threats, I know what you are capable of” he didn’t…he didn’t just agreed that she could stay. So she gave him a little emotional talk about helping his sister and he melted? Just like that? Eugene left Kat and Thaby in the living room and walked to me in the kitchen.

Eugene:” babe? Kat is staying for the night…I just feel that after helping my sister I shouldn’t chase her away like a dog you know “ he moved closer to me as I was busy dishing up my plate and his
Eugene:” cupcake?” I looked at him and gave him one hot slap on the face
Me:” f*****g cupcake? I am not your damn cupcake….your cupcake is sitting over there” he gave me a horrified look that was accompanied by disbelief. I looked over to the living room and the girls were looking straight at the TV and not at us. I took the two plates
Me:” bring two glasses of juice” I said walking to the lounge with the two plates. I got there and put the plates on the table
Me:” you guys can go dish up for yourselves”
Kat:” thank you” she got up first and walked away
Thaby:” Andani I am really sorry”
Me:”for what exactly? You ran off to her before you could even hear my side of the story”
Thaby:” I know that, I was just too emotional”
Me:” I just…I really don’t know but I never expected this from you”
Eugene arrived with the drinks and I ran to the bedroom to get some pants to wear as I was still wearing his shirt. When I came back we started eating in total silence. Eugene sat next to me and he kept on looking at me throughout dinner but I was not in the mood for him. After eating I took my plate to the kitchen and walked to the bedroom. My son was still sleeping in Eugene’s bedroom. He entered the room after me and closed the door
Eugene:” babe what was that about? I didn’t call her I promise”
Me:” but you’ve been talking to her”
Eugene:”what?”
Me:” don’t act dumb with me Gee, have you been in contact with her? And did you tell her the truth about you?”
Eugene:”huh?”
Me:” I need an answer Eugene” he looked at me and swallowed. This only meant one thing, him not answering me only meant that it was the truth…Eugene had been talking to Kat and he had lied about me being the only one who knew the truth

Life as we know it
Insert 98

Me:” Eugene I am waiting” I was tapping my foot on the floor
Eugene” why does it matter though? I am here with you and I love only you, Kat knows that too”
Me:” it matters for the same reason that you killed Rialivhuwa” he raised one eyebrow
Me:” you know what, I am packing everything that’s mine and drive back home now” I said walking to the closet. He walked to me and grabbed my hand
Eugene:” this is probably the longest day of my life…a lot has happened in the space of few hours, you got here today and you just want to up and leave because Kat is here? We just got back together, what does you leaving right now mean?” he looked scared
Me:” it means that I made a mistake, that I shouldn’t have agreed to anything with you because you are a damn liar…telling Kat your secrets? Eugene I thought the other part of your life was only exclusive to me…I thought that those secrets were for me alone to know but imagine my surprise when I realised that Kat knows as well? I felt stupid, as in dumb Eugene and that’s because I believed any stupid thing you told me” I was near tears
Eugene:” love, the truth about me is still exclusive to you only, I didn’t tell her everything”
Me:” wow and he is still lying to me” I yanked my hand from him and felt the tears falling. He walked away from me and stood from a distance and looked at me and then started laughing so hard. I looked at him in total shock….what was this? Had he been playing me this whole time and now he is laughing because I had proven out to be as stupid as he had hoped? I cried even harder feeling like the most stupid person alive…why did I believe anything he said…it’s all been a lie
Eugene:” I am sorry you are crying and I am laughing but cupcake I love that you love me enough to throw tantrums” I frowned as I felt rage took over me. I charged towards him as fast as I could and got to him and started punching him. I was crying as I do that. He grabbed both my hands and gripped them so tight
Me:” let me go Eugene” I screamed
Eugene:” I love you and only you, why are you finding it hard to believe?” he was shouting,  I couldn’t answer that but there were so many things making me to doubt him…he lied to me about many things.
Eugene:” ok do you wanna know why I had been in contact with Kat? And why she knows some things about me?” I was not looking at him, I looked away…I couldn’t face him, not now…looking at him was sure going to hurt
Eugene:” ok I never thought I’d have to tell you this, in fact I never wanted to tell you but with all the accusations you are throwing around…I have no choice. I have been in contact with Kat because she is on my pay roll and that’s why she knows a bit about me” I immediately looked up at him
Me:” what? Payroll? What payroll?” he let go of my hands and brushed his head with his hands
Eugene:” she works for me…part of her punishment was that I made her give up her whole life and made her do what I told her to do…she is running some errands for my illegal business” I narrowed my eyes trying to grip what he just said. So Kat was one of the girls working for him? What was she doing? Working at the brothel or as a mule?
Me:” sooo that’s why you’ve been talking?” I suddenly felt my muscles relaxing…so Eugene was not cheating on me or lying to me
Eugene:” yeah I give her orders from time to time and as for knowing about me….she only know about the business…that’s all, she knows nothing about Rod, paps or grams or my addiction for that matter or what happened to my parents. That whole information is exclusively available to you and no one else ok? Kat is nothing to me Andani you need to get that through your head” ok I have to admit that I felt stupid
Me:” now I feel stupid” he chuckled
Eugene:” well I feel good” I gave him a questioning look
Eugene:” babe you looked sexy when you were jealous…it felt good to have someone cry for me like that…and that slap in the kitchen? Woman you don’t cease to amaze me, I am now truly convinced that this is not some mistake” he was smiling
Me:” you are crazy”
Eugene:” you know what else would have been amazing? A small cat fight between you and Katlego…that would have been the bomb” he giggled, I couldn’t help but join him
Me:” I am relieved that you didn’t lie to me but I don’t like that you are finding this whole thing funny”
Eugene:” come here” I moved to him and he hugged me

Eugene:” you wanna know what I didn’t like?” he was now serious
Me:” what?”
Eugene:’ the fact that you doubted everything I told you, the fact that you don’t trust that what I told you is the truth…that part hurt, especially because I’ve never lied to you, I always tell you the truth…why do you doubt me?” I broke the hug and looked at him
Me:” I am sorry Eugene…today has been a very long and eventful day and honestly speaking, Kat is not my favourite person in the world…I don’t care if she works for you or not…I don’t want her talking to you ever, get someone to give her the orders, you shouldn’t do it yourself” he smiled
Eugene:” something I should also share with you is that I have attractive sexy women working for me Andi…all in different departments and I talk to them from time to time, so I think you should just trust me”
Me:” I trust you Eugene but I don’t think the other women you are talking about want you as much as she wants you….she said she want to run the business with you” I said panicking
Eugene:” believe me cupcake they do….for some odd reason they think I am attractive and most of them want me for the same reason that you just mentioned…running the whole business with me…they want the status and most of them have tried to pursue me but I don’t really like women who throw themselves at men” I breathed
Me:” so I have a bunch of women to worry about?” , he smiled and carried me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist and he looked into my eyes
Eugene:” you don’t have to worry about anyone because I am all yours sweety “
Me:” but I can’t run the business with you” I was feeling like maybe he needed someone who was into his illegal stuff
Me:” and I don’t want you running it at all…this is what I love about you, we get to be normal…no talk about the dark world so I am cool with just you” I melted
Me:” I feel so stupid for ever doubting you” I hid my face between his shoulder and his neck
Eugene:” no I find it sweet though…my little wife is afraid to lose me…at least I am not the only one scared in this whole thing” I could hear that he was amused. I raised my head and looked at him
Me:” so what does Kat do?” he shook his head
Eugene:” we are not talking about business please Andi, you said you don’t wanna get involved in these things remember?”
Me:” but if what she is doing is that bad then why does she still want you?”
Eugene:” I think she want to be free, I mean if she gets me back then she won’t live like my prisoner anymore…she’ll be my partner instead so that’s her game” mhm make sense
Me:” ow I want her gone though” I had a serious look
Eugene:”huh?” he put me down
Me:” I want her gone” I said not looking at him
Eugene:” gone as in?”
Me:” as in Riavhuwa gone” I didn’t really want her gone but I wanted to know how much Eugene cared for her, if he’d agree to let her get killed
Eugene:” ow?”
Me:” she still wants you and I don’t want her near you so I will kill her” he gave me a cold look, like an angry look and then that anger dissolved into fear. He shook his head
Eugene:’ you’re sure?”
Me:” very certain”
Eugene:” uhm…I…If you really want her gone then I better do it myself”
Me:” why not let me do it?”
Eugene:’ because I don’t want you tangled in this life, I refuse to let you be me…I can’t have you killing anyone cupcake so I will do it myself” he said taking out a phone and dialled a number…his hands were shaking
Me:” what are you doing?”
Eugene:” making a phone call” he was nervous
Me:” we are in the middle of the conversation”
Eugene:” hey Lusani my boy…there is someone you need to take out...”

I ran to him and snatched the phone and then dropped the call
Eugene:’ and now?” he looked really scared
Me:” you seriously want to kill her?” I asked feeling terrified
Eugene:” I am the only person who understand better about what you are feeling….it’s the same thing I felt with Rialivhuwa and it’s the reason why I eliminated him so if you feel so strongly about it then I’d do it, for you”
Me:” but you look scared and nervous”
Eugene:” because I don’t want her to die but if it’s what you want then….”
Me:” you care about her” it wasn’t a question, it was a statement I had made
Eugene:” as someone I had known for years and that’s it” I stood there feeling shocked at the fact that he actually was ready to get her killed because I requested it
Me:” I am choosing to trust you. I am trusting that you won’t hurt me” he smiled
Eugene:” I will never, I am not the type to cheat” I smiled
Me:” I love you” he took me in his arms again
Eugene:” it’s been a long day….can we stop talking and play?” he broke the hug and gave me a coy smile, I giggled
Me:” by the way…I love it when you call me cupcake” we giggled
So we slept in his room. Thabeleng volunteered to spend the night with my son. I wanted to refuse but Eugene begged me not to so I let her sleep with him.

We were in the lounge, just me and him. We laughed climbing the stairs running together. We ran to his bedroom. Opening the door, I almost collapsed and suddenly felt nauseas. There lies bodies of people. They had been slaughtered, cut into pieces….there was blood everywhere. I screamed my lungs out and ran out of the room. Eugene ran behind me. When I looked back at him he was holding a big knife and had blood all over him. I felt fear like I never felt it before. I was running down the stairs when I missed one step and rolled all the way down. When I got down the first thing on my mind was to get up and run as quickly as I can but my legs couldn’t move…instead they were in pain. I saw him walking to me with a knife. I screamed as I realised the danger I was in…”so what can I do with you?” he gave me a scary smile. I screamed my lungs out asking for help.

I opened my eyes and found Eugene staring at me with his panicking face
Eugene:” bad dream?” I couldn’t look at him, the dream? He looked like an animal, like he was ready to kill me
Me:” Eugene go away…just get out of bed please” I said feeling terrified. He quickly got out and looked at me; I could see that he was suddenly in pain
Me:” I am sorry”
Eugene:’ it’s ok, what is wrong?”
Me:” I had a dream….i think it’s because of everything you told me, I am still getting used to the idea you know”
Eugene:” what was the dream about?” he was still standing at a distance
Me:” don’t worry about it, just come hold me”
Eugene:” you were scared of me cupcake, what were you dreaming about?” I could see that he really wanted to know but I didn’t want to hurt him, telling him about the dream was obviously going to hurt him
Me:” just come please” he slowly walked to me and sat at the edge of the bed close to me
Eugene:” are you scared of me?” I looked at him unable to answer
Me:” I just know that I love you” I murmured…there were parts of me that were scared of everything he had told me. I was scared of the day that he’ll be extremely angry and lose it…what will happen then? Will he hurt me? Looking into our past he had proven that he wouldn’t kill me but as for hurting me….well he raped me when he found out that I cheated so there was no telling what he could be capable of.
Eugene:” but you are scared”
Me:” I don’t think I will ever be able to handle it if you relapse”
Eugene:” then I won’t, come here” he hugged me
Eugene:” something great happened”
Me:”what?” I was breaking the hug
Eugene:” I was having a peaceful sleep when you woke me up screaming” I looked at him unable to understand what he was trying to say
Eugene:” I usually can’t sleep for 30 minutes without those nightmares Andi….i am sure we’ve been sleeping for few hours now and I had nothing, no dream, nothing” he was smiling
Me:” you lie” he giggled

Life as we know it
Insert 99

So the following morning I woke up early. I checked the time on my phone and it was past five. Eugene was still sleeping peacefully so i decided not to disturb him. I just kissed him on the forehead and got out of bed. And thank God I didn’t have another nightmare, I was afraid thinking that I’d be like him…having nightmares after nightmares. I was also glad that he was now sleeping for a change, no nightmares on his side, which was a huge progress. What had stopped them though? There was a little voice at the back of my mind that was whispering that it had something to do with me but I didn’t want to admit that I had that much effect on him. Even though I knew how much he loved me, Eugene was a powerful man and knowing that I held so much power over him was a bit overwhelming and scary as well.

I wore a long skirt and a top and some sleepers. I walked out of the room and all the way to the kitchen. Everyone was still sleeping. For some odd reason well not so odd but obvious reason I wanted to see Kat…really I just wanted to look into her eyes and remind her again that Eugene was mine. But in the midst of thinking that….i also felt sorry for her, Eugene had taken away her freedom…I don’t know what the whole punishment was but he said part of it was that she had to work for him. So that must have sucked big time. Even though I was not sure what she did for Eugene, it was surely not pleasant so I felt bad for her. This also got me thinking…if I happen to break up with him…will he be that bitter? Will he hate me so much to punish me? I snapped out of it, it’s not like I planned on leaving him…I was in love with this man. As for Kat, if he didn’t care about her that much, why not let her go? Why not let her move on with her life instead of punishing her and letting her get tangled in his life? Maybe I should ask him to let her go…will I be interfering? Will he even hear me out? Well it was worth a try.

I don’t know what I was supposed to cook, I never got the chance to discuss what the menu will look like because the day was ruined and the girls left. I decided to wash last night’s plates and pots as I wait for Tebogo to come back. I was hoping that she won’t take long. I was busy in the kitchen when someone started unlocking the kitchen door from outside and then Tebogo opened the door and entered
Tebogo:” mornings”
Me:” hey” she walked to me
Tebogo:” uhm well, I am sorry for leaving like that yesterday I shouldn’t have done that and I am sorry for leaving you alone with him, I mean you are not together anymore and it must have been weird. Anyway I don’t want to know who did what to who because I don’t want to start hating either of you. I still love you though and I hope we are still sisters” I smiled
Me:” just come here” I pulled her to hug me
Tebogo:” so I am forgiven?”
Me:” actually I should thank you” I said as we break the hug
Tebogo:” for what?” I smiled
Me:” we worked things out” she smiled
Tebogo:” you do know that this is not something you can just joke about right?”
Me:” I know that very well….we talked and yeah…I am not going anywhere”
Tebogo:” come here” she hugged me
Tebogo:” you have no idea how happy you’ve made me”
Me:” I love him Tebogo, like really love him” we broke the hug again
Tebogo:” I know you do, that’s why you came”
Me:’ enough about that…what are we cooking?”
Tebogo:” you haven’t started yet?” I shook my head
Me:’ I was not even sure what the menu is supposed to be”
Tebogo:” my in laws are Vendas so whatever we prepare, Pap better be there” we giggled.
Tebogo:” so this is happening? The negotiations are about to take place....wow uhm i just hope uncle Tom doesn’t ruin this for me”
Me:” don’t stress love, it will all work out”

So Tebogo and I started preparing food. Shortly after we started Thabeleng and Katlego joined us
Me:” where is my son?” as a mother i had to be concerned about my son
Thaby:” still sleeping, we didn’t want to wake him”
Tebogo:” ok Kat?” she was shocked…she looked at me and then at Kat
Kat:” Thabeleng invited me”
Tebogo:” Thaby?”  She gave Thaby a questioning look
Thaby:” uhm I went to her yesterday, I needed someone who’d understand what I am feeling”
Tebogo:” uhm I have nothing against you Katlego I really don’t…but…Thabeleng how do you bring Kat when Andi is here?”
Me:” it’s cool Tebz, today is not about me or Kat or anyone else for that matter…you are getting married and that’s what we are focusing on…Kat if you don’t mind you can join us”
Kat:” seriously?” ahhh well i was also not sure if that was a good idea but i said it and it was out there already so there was no taking it back
Me:” I am not your enemy and there is no need for us to fight….well I don’t know about you but I don’t want to fight”
Kat:” cool then” we all laughed and continued cooking.

We were busy when Eugene walked to the kitchen together with my son. I wiped my hands and went to them
Me:” oww sweety pie” I took him and kissed him. Thabeleng and Tebogo ran to me and fought over him. Tebogo won and took Omphu
Eugene:” come” he took my hand and pulled me, I ran following him as he was walking fast. He walked into the laundry room and closed the door
Me:”what are we doing here?” before I could get my answer, he took me and put me on top of the washing machine. I giggled
Me:” Eugene no” I said giggling, well I was not actually saying ‘no’ but was just saying ‘nawww’
Eugene:” I woke up and you were not there, I miss you” he was kissing my neck
Me:” Eugene I am supposed to be in the kitchen” I said in between the giggle
Eugene:” but I want this” he kissed me. Ok I know we have kissed more than I could count but there was something about this kiss, I felt his love, the longing, the passion, the need…I felt lost in his world as his tongue made rounds in my mouth and I did the same to his
Eugene:” I don’t want to stop” he breathed
Me:” me too but….” I said kissing him again
Eugene:” but you have to go I know” he stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes shaking his head
Eugene:” I never thought in a million years that I’d fall in love….Rod always told me that when I meet the right woman I will feel it inside and now I know what he was talking about….damn Andani when I say that I love you….i actually feel it in here” he put his one hand on the chest
Eugene:” it’s like I can physically feel the love I have for you” I blushed, being loved in this manner was not something that a woman can get used to
Me:” I am one lucky woman aren’t i?” it was true….i had beenthrough a lot in my life but I found love at the end…Eugene could be many things but there was one thing I was certain about him….he truly loved me
Me:” I have to go now” I said standing up
Eugene:” and I don’t get a quickie?” he was whispering, I laughed
Me:” Eugene I can’t make love to you now and go back to others to cook…..i will be smelling of sex” he pouted his lips faking an angry face
Me:” that’s not going to work”
Eugene:” but babe…”
Me:” ok how about this….tonight you can do with me as you wish…we can stay up all night ok?”
Eugene:” you’re serious?” I nodded; he took me in his arms
Eugene:” ok you can go back to the kitchen then…oww one more thing…did I tell you I am a bit nervous?”
Me:” about what?”
Eugene:” my sister getting married….it’s a big step” he looked a bit worried
Me:” Eugene she is happy and so should you”
Eugene:” yeah you are right….and oww I got tempted to look up on that Thendo guy but I decided not to….i want my sister to be happy and if this marriage is a mistake then let it be her mistake” I smiled
Me:’ now that’s my Eugene” he kissed me one last time and we walked hand in hand back to the lounge

Eugene:” uhm ladies, I am going to pick up uncle Tom neh, I will be back in a moment”
Tebogo:” mhm you don’t even greet us”
Eugene:” ow sorry about that, morning everyone”
Thaby:” Hey Eugene”
Tebogo:”morning” Kat busied herself and didn’t say a word. I know it was weird for me to feel this way but honestly i felt sorry for her. Seeing the ex you love with someone else is a pain and having him taking away your freedom is even more painful
Eugene:” ok Tebza come here” she shyly walked to him and he gave her a hug
Eugene:” I will make that boy pay a million for you….i don’t think any amount of money is enough though” she quickly broke the hug
Tebogo: “you can’t do that” he laughed
Eugene:” of course not, I am kidding”

So the whole day went on slowly but the negotiations were not bad in fact it all went well. And ow, I got to meet Uncle Tom and two other uncles. Eugene bought them lot of booze and the old men were only happy to indulge. The uncles were happy to meet me and that felt good. Tebogo’s inlaws arrived round at about 11. So everything went on very well and after the whole thing they left at around three in the afternoon. Tebogo was feeling nervous throughout the whole afternoon and she was on her phone with her fiancée half the time. Funny enough, Kat and I managed to go through the whole day without fighting or arguing for that matter...she wasn’t that bad after all. Uncle Tom and the other two uncles decided to spend the night and said they’d leave the following day.

Life as we know it
Insert 100

By the end of the day everyone was dead tired. So after a chilling session as a family we both went to our separate bedrooms. Tebogo and I prepared the bedrooms for the uncles. After that we said our goodbyes and went to bed while Kat drove back to her place I suppose. I don’t even know if she had a flat or relatives or a family around here.

I got to the room and my person was waiting for me. I smiled as I walked in and closed the door. Eugene was sitting on the couch….wearing absolutely nothing…
Me:” I now I promised a long night but you didn’t have to wait on me naked” he smiled getting up and walking to me
Eugene:” you are not about to break your promise now are you?”
Me:” I had a long tiring day but no I am not breaking my promise”
Eugene:” good”
He got to me and started kissing me. He carried me and I wrap my legs around him as he took me to the shower. We got to the bathroom and the bath tub was ready for me. There was bubble bath with red roses scattered on top…jeez I melted…there was also red candles and for a second I was glad that I didn’t have a weave or an afro hair…I mean I remember seeing a video of some girl with her man in a bath tub tryna be romantic and then her hair caught fire from the candles so I didn’t want that incident to happen but other than the accident story, I was taken…he had me, the whole set up was just cute and perfect

Me:” for me?” he put me down
Eugene:” for my woman” I stood there feeling a little bit shy and flattered at the same time. This was the life I had dreamt about, a hot bath at the end of the long day. He started undressing me
Eugene:” you were perfect today” he said after taking off my shirt
Me:” really?”
Eugene:” yeah I mean you were in charge of everything today, like a woman of the house that you are…I don’t care about my uncle but I loved that you impressed him too”
He took off all my clothes and signalled with a hand for me to get in the bath. He got in after me and we sat in the water looking at each other. The water was warm against my skin and I loved the sensation of it so much that I wished I could spend the whole night sitting there with Eugene’s skin brushing against mine
Me:” you have no idea how much this means to me” he searched for my hands underneath the water and he got hold of them, he held my hands and looked at me
Eugene:” the whole afternoon as you were running up and down I was looking at you and thinking about this” he said with a smile
Me:” Eugene you are overwhelming me and scaring me at the same time…there is too much love going on here” I was being honest though…he was too much in love with me, it’s not something I was supposed to complain about though but it was scaring me because this is Eugene we are talking about, his life involved way too much
Eugene:” you are confusing at times do you know that? Every woman wanna be loved and you think I am over doing it? Wow”
Me:” that’s not what I mean I am happy with all this but I can’t help to be a bit scared though…like what if tomorrow I become Kat? What if we break up and you start making my life a liv-“
Eugene:” stop, stop right there….i made a romantic set up and you want to start talking about our break up? Why do you have to do that though? Am I trying too hard? Should I stop doing all this and just hang around? What do you want me to do Andi?” ok he looked disappointed and a bit sad…
Me:” I am sorry” he shook his head getting up
Me:” please sit…I am sorry”
Eugene:” am I trying too hard to make you happy?” shame there was sadness in his voice. I took his hand begging with my eyes for him to sit down again. He sat down and looked at me
Me:” babe look at me” I touched his chin and made him look at me
Me:” you are not trying too hard, you are doing all the right things ok? And I am sorry for talking about break ups” he breathed
Eugene:” this is something new and different to me and I am doing everything I know to be romantic because I think you deserve it…I never got to do any of this with Kat” wow he brought up Kat...well maybe it was good that he brought her up
Me:” about Kat, can we discuss her?”
Eugene:”ow?” he raised one eyebrow
Me:” i am asking you to let her go”
Eugene:” excuse me?” I took his hands to mine
Me:” I know I am not supposed to feel like this but give her her freedom please. I feel sorry for her, she seem lonely and maybe that’s why she keeps following you like a lost puppy, just fire her from your business, give her some cash to start over and let her get a real job…I just can’t live well with myself knowing that spending the rest of my life with you might mean that she gets to spend her life miserable. I know you were angry when you did what you did but try to reconsider it please”
Eugene:” wow, you do have a good heart don’t you?” I smiled
Me:” I guess so”
Eugene:” I will do it for you” wow that was easy, very easy and after he had agreed I prayed and hoped that I won’t regret what I just did. I was hoping that Kat will be a good girl and appreciate what I did for her instead of being a jealous ex who will keep on plotting against me…if she don’t change even after having her freedom then I don’t know
Me:” you’re serious?”
Eugene:” of course, you are my wife and you want something I can provide so yep, I will free Kat” I laughed
Me:” enough talk for the night…can we get started with the party already”
Eugene:” there goes my favourite part of the evening.

The following morning I woke up late. I think it was all because I had a long day and slept at the early hours of the morning. Yep Eugene and I had a party of our own and damn it was a bomb. If I don’t fall pregnant after this then I don’t know. That’s when I realised that chances of me falling pregnant were actually very high. I lost babies about two months ago so for me to fall pregnant was much easier. Was I ready for that though? Maybe I can buy a morning after pill? Or maybe I should discuss it with Eugene. It was obvious that Eugene will say he want kids, can I deal with another baby? Omphu was three years now so I think it was the right time for me to have another baby. And then something else crossed my mind…it was during times like this that I hated being black, I mean if Eugene and I are to have a baby, then my family was obviously not going to be happy because we are not married yet and he will have to be fined before marrying me and all that. Talking about marrying…maybe I should put my engagement ring back to its place, my finger was already getting lonely.

I realised that Eugene was already of out of bed as I was turning. He opened the door right at that moment with a tray
Me:” nooo” I said smiling
Eugene:” yesss”
Me:’ you are spoiling me too much”
Eugene:” after making sure that The negotiation goes perfectly yesterday then I must say that you deserve the treatment” I smiled
Me:” Eugene I love you” he put the tray on the bedside table and bent down for a kiss
Eugene:” I love you more” he said after kissing me

So we sat on the bed with me crossing my legs in front of him, Eugene sat in front of me with a tray between us. He was feeding me as i giggle and laugh with my mouth full of food. That’s the beauty of it all, I didn’t have to be perfect for him, I only had to be me so laughing with my mouth full wasn’t something I was afraid to do in front of him. I was in love with a man who was in love with me.
Me:” what time is it?” I said when we were done eating breakfast
Eugene:” past 11” whattt??
Me:” you are kidding right?” he shook his head
Me:” ow my God where is my son? Has he eaten yet? Has he bathed…jeeez what kind of a mother am i?” I said getting out of bed and trying to look for something descent to wear
Eugene:” cupcake calm done ok? Omphu is fine; the girls are taking care of him”
Me:” Eugene we are talking about Tebogo and Thaby here, they know nothing about kids”
Eugene:” I was down there as well remember? Omphu don’t even realise that you are not around”
Me:” wow that’s comforting” I was taking out some clothes
Eugene:” you aren’t going to shower first?” I gave him a death stare, what was he trying to say? That I was not smelling fine?
Eugene:” ok cool there is no need for that look tjoo” he took the tray outside. I got dressed and walked down the stairs. I found Tebogo and Thabeleng In the lounge playing with Omphu, the house looked messed up. There were toys everywhere, cushions; some clothing…everything was a mess
Me:” wow” I said standing at the entrance door with my hands on my hips
Tebogo:” hey sleepy head”
Me:” hey messy heads” seriously the whole house was a mess
Eugene:” we have a kid in the house, its only normal for a house to look this way” he was walking back from the kitchen. Ok not once had my house look like this because of Omphu, everybody In this house was just having an excuse to have a messy house…Eugene sat on the couch.
Me:” so I guess I can’t do anything about this mess then?”
Thaby:” nothing at all” she smiled at me and shame I didn’t smile back. Thaby was still off my books, I don’t think I was ever going to trust her again, she had proved to me that she wasn’t loyal at all
Me:” I better join the party” I sat on the floor and took some toys. Omphu was acting like I didn’t exist nje, it was as if I was not in the room, he didn’t even look at me…he was busy with Tebza and Thaby.
Me:” where are the uncles?”
Thaby:”gone”
Me:”ow”

Eugene:” come sit here” he patted the empty side of the couch. I went and sat next to him
Me:”yeah”
Eugene:” let’s get ready, I want us to go talk to Katlego, I will let her know that I am letting her go, though I have to discuss some business with her first before letting her go”
Me:” why do you want to go with me?”
Eugene:” because I know you don’t trust her and I don’t want you wondering what happened when I was talking to her” I smiled looking at him
Me:” I am choosing to trust you, you’ve been having meetings with her before…I should be able to trust you” he smiled
Eugene:”you’re sure?” I nodded
Eugene:” let me go get ready then” he got up and walked up the stairs. I sat there not sure if I made the right decision. Letting Eugene go meet Kat on his own…it was the best decision though, I mean if there really was nothing between them then there was nothing to worry about, if there was something then….keeping him away from her or following him around wasn’t gonna stop whatever was going on. So all I had to do was trust him.