Life as we know it 76-80

Life as we know it

Insert 76

Eugene:” I am sorry for giving you a fright, I came in when you were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you”

Me:” so you’ve been watching me?” he nodded. I moved away from him and stood leaning against the wall

Me:” so what are you doing here?” he looked like his normal self….like the Eugene that I knew and loved

Eugene:” what do you mean by that?” he asked looking surprised

Me:” exactly what I asked” I had folded my hands on my chest and my throat ached so bad as I fought back the tears. I was scared of him

Eugene:” so you don’t think we need to talk?”

Me:” I don’t know…I mean you are the one who decided to rape me and ran off to your sisters and I didn’t hear from you for two full days” he looked at me and shook his head and breathed and then looked at me

Eugene:” I am sorry that I acted that way but Andani you hurt me”

Me:” and you thought you should hurt me back huh? You even threaten to kill me…your exact words were that you’d rip my heart off and had the pleasure of watching me die” I felt a stab in my heart as I mumble those words and needles dug under the surface of my skin

Eugene:” I failed as your lover, I shouldn’t have done that but I lost all sense of reasoning when I heard that you slept with him Andi, without a condom even….you always use one with me and with him you just did it, you didn’t know who the father of the twins was….what was I supposed to do?” his voice was loud

Me:” I don’t know Eugene….you could have done anything other than rape me” I shouted at him

Eugene:” I know that and I am sorry ok….i mean what reason could you possibly have to sleep with him? Was he soo good in bed that even after you’ve moved on with me you still wanted to screw him? What you did to me is painful Andani….the last time I ever felt this much pain is when I k….i mean when my parents died….that’s the last time I felt this empty inside. You took away my self-confidence as a man, you broke every little trust I had on us….you broke my heart Andi. I am sorry I acted the way I did but having someone I love hurting me this much is not something I come across daily so I did the first thing that came to my mind” I stood there looking at the floor, he raped me because I broke his heart…we were both wrong and we both hurt each other…I don’t know if this was fixable

Eugene:” so I thought that since you’ve rated me second place and him first…I mean why else would you go back to him. I felt that maybe I should give you one last rough f*** just to prove to you that I am a man….it was a stupid thing that came to mind at that moment, I wasn’t thinking straight….i wanted to beat the day light out of you but then I remembered how you told me he used to beat you up and I didn’t wanna be like him”

Me:” you wanted to be a different kind of monster”

Eugene:” no of course not, I have apologised for that Andi and I am still apologising ok? I didn’t mean to hurt you” he said that and walked to the door, was he leaving?

Me:”you are leaving?”

Eugene:” yeah I just…will talk about this some other time” I wanted us to talk about this and get it over with, I couldn’t have him disappear again…who knows where he will disappear to this time around

Me:” if you walk out of here Eugene then you should make sure not to ever come back” he turned around and looked at me

Eugene:” so you wanna do this right now? “

Me:’ we’ve already started”

Eugene:” as much as I am afraid to hear the truth I will ask you to be totally honest with me…why? Why did you cheat on me Andi? Was I bad? I feet like I did my best, I feel like I treated you like a queen, I was patient with you and your baby daddy issues…just tell me why?” he had a sad look on his face. I went to sit on the bed and he stood by the door looking at me

Me:” uhm…it was the night that Kat came to your house” he raised his eyebrows

Me:” I thought you were sleeping with her, that you were double crossing me, I felt cheated Eugene”

Eugene:” and you felt it right to cheat as well? Now you know that I had never slept with Kat after meeting you”

Me:” you told me that after I had already…you know”

Eugene:’ so it was once?” he was calm, I nodded

Me:” but there was also…uhm”

Eugene:” also a what?” his voice changed from calm to harsh

Me:” We kissed when I was home for the funeral” I said with a low voice…this was embarrassing but since this was the “coming clean”moment, I had to tell him everything. He ran his hands on his head through to his face

Eugene:” I am one f*****d up dumb a**, so all this time…you’ve been feeling each other and lusting each other and you waited for me to slip up just once and you jumped to his bed” oww gosh I know that’s how it sounded like but it wasn’t true

Me:” no of course not”

Eugene:” then explain to me Andi…you ran off to Venda the moment you heard his mom was no more and you didn’t give a hoot about how I felt about it….i was insecure and all but you literally begged me to trust you and damn stupid me….i did”

Me:” I am sorry Eugene” the stabbing sensation in my throat surrendered to the tears wanting their release and I just cried

Eugene:” just be honest Andi you are not sorry, you were never sorry. If you were really sorry you would have told me the next day after it happened but right now you are just sorry that I found out about it. Do you have any idea how it was like to hear him ask if the twins where his? And you replying that you don’t know? I felt stupid…well maybe I am just stupid”

Me:” I regret sleeping with him Gee I really do but I didn’t tell you because I was scared of losing you” I said sniffing

Eugene:” so where did you do it?” he was looking at my eyes….i just looked at the bed I was sitting on

Eugene:” nooooo, f*** it noooo” he said that and squatted with his hand on his head, I couldn’t say anything

Eugene:” so you slept with him here? In this room? Oww my….Andani how could you? We’ve been making love in this very room and you also did it with him here? Woman do you even love me? Did you feel anything for me at all? Because if you did the least you could have done was respect me at least”

Me:” Eugene it was a mistake and I am sorry” he stood up and just looked at me

Eugene:” I am sorry Andi, I can’t do this…I have to go”

Me:” so I guess we are done” he stopped walking and looked at me

Eugene:” excuse me?”

Me:” I mean us….its done”

Eugene:” Andani what do you mean done? Are you dumping me? Is that what you are doing?” he said pointing fingers….i could see he wanted to cry but was holding off tears

Me:” I am sorry about everything I have done to you Eugene but I can’t erase the fact that you raped me and threatened to kill me….i just….i can’t do it” I said and wiped off the tears on my face.

He turned around and walked to me. I got up and walked backward while looking at him. I walked until I reached the wall and he walked to me. he stood infront of me and I looked on the floor…he tilted my face to make me look at him….he looked at me, I could see fire burning in his eyes….there was love but there was also something dangerous written all over his face.

Eugene:” so you cheat on me and then you dump me…are you going back to him?” I shook my head shaking a bit, for a second I thought he was going to do it again

Eugene:” I am sorry for hurting you Andani I really am ok….but feel me here” he took my hand and placed it on his chest, his heart was beating fast

Eugene:” I love you, even after what you did Andi, this heart still beats for you. I understand you are hurt but I am hurt too….do you see me giving up?”

Me:” but you scare me now”

Eugene:” I know that and I am sorry because it’s my fault, I promise you it will never happen again” he said touching my mouth

Me:” you have no idea what you took from me”

Eugene:” you took a hell lot from me too Andani, you’ve hurt me in a way I never thought possible…you’ve broken me and even though I am not even sure how or when I will get over what you did, I know I still love you…unless you don’t feel the same anymore…then that’s another case”

Me:” I still love you”

Eugene:” then its done Andi” he scoped me up and I wrapped my legs around him

Eugene:”you are mine Andani, my wife and my everything. I have hurt you i know but you’ve also hurt me and after the pain I have suffered these past few days I am not letting you go, I didn’t go through all that s*** for nothing. So I am hoping that we won’t have a repeat of any events that took place. I might come across as weak for easily forgiving you for giving it to another man but Andani do it again and I will show you flames, I can be a monster if needs be but you won’t have to see that side of me because you will be faithful and so will i….i won’t let you share me and I expect the same from you. I own you and you own me, you can do with me as you wish Andani just don’t cross me” he kissed me briefly and put me down and then walked away

Eugene:”oww here…next time I come here I want to be invited” he threw my keys on the bed and walked out. Was that a threat or a warning or a promise? What the hell was that? I thought he’d let me go. At this point I was not sure what I was feeling.

Life as we know it

Insert77

Eugene walked out of Andi’s house and stood outside for a while with his hands on his hips. He got inside his car and drove all the way to the office. It was past two in the morning but he knew better than to sleep, the nightmares had started again and he was battling to deal with it. He hadn’t been checking his emails and he knew that his work will be flooding but his mind was still occupied. He got to work and got out of the car and took his gun with him. Its early hours of the morning so it was safe to take some protection with. He unlocked the building and walked in. he could hear the echoing sound of his shoes as he walks through the passage because he was the only one there. He got to his office and unlocked and then walked in. he paced around the room, he thought of what happened at Andi’s house. He thought about how petty and stupid he looked while begging her but he knew for sure that he didn’t want to lose her so he had to do all that so that he’d have her back as his again. He finally sat on the chair and put his legs on the table with his head rested comfortably on its back. Why did she do this? Why did she brought out this person in him? now he couldn’t trust her and one thing for sure…he also didn’t want to be intimate with her, not until the images of her and her ex-husband flushes out of his brain. With Kat he didn’t think twice, she cheated on him and it was game over…he spent a whole day planning a way to hurt and make her pay but look at this situation now….he was not planning on hurting her, in fact he planned on making amends and loving her further. Is this what real love was? He breathed hard and switched on his laptop.

“About time I check my emails” he whispered to himself. After the laptop was on he scanned through the emails

“The f*** is this? What? Hell noo” he quickly took his phone and stood up. He dialled Lusani. Lusani was more like his right hand man; he used to take care of everything on his absence. He knew about the genuine dealing of the business which Eugene was partnering with Tsepo but he also knew about the other business…the illegal dodgy business

Lusani:”hello” it was evident that the poor guy was sleeping

Eugene:” nyello? Nyello! Lusani my business is under rampage here and instead of explaining you are giving me a ‘hello’?” he was shouting

Lusani: uhm boss”

Eugene:” explanation sometime today please”

Lusani: “I tried to explain to you the other day but you didn’t want to listen, you told me to deal with it”

Eugene:” but it doesn’t look like you did….there was a confiscation of merchandise here and I didn’t read any email talking about retrieving them”

Lusani:”yes that’s the problem…the task force office in India have a tight case and I think the confiscated merchandise is being kept extra safe to be used as evidence”

Eugene:” I am gone for couple of days and people get arrested, the stock gets taken away and the women just go crazy? What’s this I hear about the bitches demanding time off to go home? Where do they think they are? A holiday in Dubai? Damn Lusani do I have to do everything by myself around here? You are supposed to learn from me” he was still shouting

Lusani:” I tried boss I really did but people don’t listen to me”

Eugene:” why is that? they listen to me though, it’s not like I have horns or five eyes to scare them off…it’s about time you start acting like a damn boss to everyone else, I am tryna groom you here ok? I mean if I am to start a family then I might took some time off from this” Lusani chuckled

Lusani:” you and family in one sentence? Sounds pretty scary to me”

Eugene:” you do now that I can call you up here in my office to start working right away just to punish you for what you said right?”

Lusani:” uhm…I am so sorry G”

Eugene:” be here tomorrow morning at 6, things have to get under control” he dropped the call and breathed.

Just few days away and things were already bad. The women in Korea were complaining about the working conditions…the f*** do they think was going on here? Did they think that he was running some friendly brothel? This was a damn black market sex industry and people get used and tossed away when they have been rendered useless and the women with complaints were starting to piss him off. Maybe he can make them disappear just to teach everyone else a lesson. Apart from that, there was also drugs that worth more than billion dolars that had been confiscated by the Police in India…he had to pay the dealer back the money for the stock that didn’t make it to their door step or he had to make a plan to give them another stock that worth the same amount. But we were talking about billions here. This was a loss, a very big loss. He had money in his other house…lot of money he was making from the streets and couldn’t really bank it because his genuine company was not generating enough to have that kind of money. He scratched his head and breathed. He had no other plan than to call his supplier to organise another packaging same as the last one, he had no idea how it was going to get there though, after the big arrest of drug smugglers, the security in Indian airport must have doubled. As for the arrested stupid mules, he was going to do what needed to be done, distance himself from them, he couldn’t be associated with them, he can’t have this backfire on him, not a chance.

MEANWHILE

After Eugene had left, I rush off to make sure that my house was locked. I couldn’t risk him coming back again. I walked to my room and sat on my bed looking into space. I was thinking about my life and what I was to do. I loved Eugene, there was no arguing with that but….there was something about him, something that just didn’t add up. He looked scary at times…like he’d kill a person and not feel sorry about it. I remembered the look on his face when he said he’d rip my heart apart….that was a look of a beast, it was as if he actually meant it. But he said that if I am faithful to him then he wont give me problems, he said he’d be mine, all mine…I loved the way he loved me. It was true and genuine and I couldn’t just give up so easily. Eugene and I came a long way, not really loooooooong but shame the guy had been patient with me throughout my fear to love. He loved me unconditionally and taught me that I deserved to be loved so he deserved a chance, we deserved a chance. Although I was not sure how it was going to be like to be with him after everything that’s happened, I just knew that I loved him and I couldn’t let go that easily.

I felt the edge to talk to Vhusani, I needed to talk to someone, although I was sure that she was going to judge me, I needed to talk to her. I knew it was early in the morning, but I needed to talk to her. I ringed her phone and she answered after a while with her sleepy voice

Vhusani:” the hell Andi?”

Me:” we need to talk please”

Vhusani:” what? Andani you wanna talk NOW?”

Me:” please!”

Vhusani:”gosh, ok let me sit up” I gave her few seconds to sit up

Vhusani:” I will need a friendship salary for this…anyway shoot” her voice was better now

Me:” don’t judge”

Vhusani:” I am not promising”

Me:” ok uhm when I went to Venda for the funeral, Ria and I kissed” I waited for a reply but the other end of the line went dead quiet

Me:”Vhusi”

Vhusani:” I am here Andi….i am just dumbstruck right now trying to figure out what to say because I am not supposed to judge…but judging is all I wanna do right now” she was probably going to have a mini heart attack when I tell her everything, I hope Lala was with her to rush her to the hospital when it happens

Me:” that’s not all…well few weeks ago…uhm actually it was that day when we were celebrating my engagement at Eugene’s”

Vhusani:” what happened then?”

Me:” a girl rocked up at his place like she owned the house, she walked straight to his bedroom but he immediately told her to leave”

Vhusani:” no ways, so Eugene has been double crossing you?”

Me:” not really, she is the ex”

Vhusani:” are you sure about that Andi?”

Me:” I am now, anyway so Eugene and I had a fight after that….i thought he was sleeping with her. The girl didn’t even know I was in the picture so I thought they were still screwing so he drove me home after I asked him to”

Vhusani:” oww my God love, is the girl still in the picture now?”

Me:” no she is not, well Ria rocked up at my place and…..we….we had sex” I knew she was going to go crazy about this but I needed to offload everything I had buried inside me, it was suffocating me and I was afraid that one day I’ll collapse

Vhusani:”owww my God”

Me:” it’s bad I know”

Vhusani:” wow bad? This is catastrophic Andi, what the hell is wrong with you?” I breathed

Me:” I know you are disappointed but…it happened ok so fast forward to few weeks after that….i fell pregnant”

Vhusani:”ow my God, owww my God Andani they weren’t his…oww my” it was as if she was crying, I don’t know if this was that bad or she was just being dramatic

Vhusani:” so you didn’t use a condom?”

Me:” no I didn’t, so I lost the twins, you know that part”

Vhusani:” why weren’t you telling me these things?”

Me:” because I was ashamed ok….so now Eugene knows”

Vhusani:” he knows what?”

Me:” that I had slept with Ria and that I don’t know who the father was…he found out on Saturday after my family had left…he overheard me and Ria and he got pissed….like totally pissed. He….he didn’t hit me but….”

Vhusani:” Jesus this is all too much….but what?”

Me:” he raped me” I broke down

Vhusani:” what?”

Me:” yeah after he found out the truth he raped me and then disappeared and I only saw him now, he was here now”

Vhusani:’Oww Andani are you ok? Do you want me to come over?”

Me:” uhm no…i….let’s talk tomorrow…I don’t even know what’s going on right now Vhusi, everything is just out of control” I sobbed

Vhusani:” uhm ok can we do sleepovers tomorrow? I will come to your place

Me:” tomorrow then” I dropped the call and just cried

BACK AT EUGENE

Eugene worked through the night trying to remedy the situation that almost got out of hand. Thankfully, he was good at his job and he made sure that things were under control by the following morning. He managed to contact all the relevant people and sorted everything out, including the women. Although everything was under control, he had lost quite a lot of money….it wasn’t too big of a problem because he had plenty of it.

Lusani walked in the office at 5:30 that morning. He knocked on Eugene’s door

Eugene:’ Come in”

Lusani: Morning G”

Eugene: sure boy” hearing Lusani call him G reminded him of Andani calling him that without really knowing that actually that was his black market name, he found himself smiling

Lusani:” it’s good to see you smile…seeing that it’s a rare sight, I better enjoy it”

Eugene:” well I am not in the mood for killing anyone so yeah you are getting away easy on this one….i manage to put fire under control”

Lusani:”everything?” he asked in disbelief

Eugene:” and you think I just woke up and became a boss? My paps left me in charge because he knew I learned from the best” he said getting up and pour a glass of whiskey

Eugene:” I am trying to groom you too but damn Lusani you are too weak, it’s about time you up your game” he nodded

Eugene:’ anyway I am done for today…keep on working…the legal business I mean, don’t touch anything on OUR business, I can’t have you mess things up again, if anything pops up talk to me” he nodded again. Eugene took his phone and walked to his car. He was tired and needed to rest. He remembered something while he was in the car. He walked back to the office and found Lusani still in his office

Eugene:” uhm I need you to do something”

Lusani:” ok” he wrote an address on a piece of paper

Eugene:” there is a woman who lives here, get someone to follow her every move, make sure she don’t see them but I want her to be watched 24/7”

Lusani:”uhm ok” he gave him a questioning look

Eugene:” what? Do what I said, get some guys to do that and it should happen now before she goes to work” he walked out to his car again.

He hated having her watched but he couldn’t risk loving her and getting hurt by her again, he couldn’t risk it. He felt like if it happened again he was going to fall over the edge and do some nasty stuff so he needed some assurance that she could be trusted.

Life as we know it

Insert 78

He drove to his house. He was tired and just wanted to rest. He checked the time, it was past 6…so he still had about 3 hours to sleep before going to buy Andi some food for tea time. He smiled at the thought of that. Maybe he can make something light for her….nahh he is just gonna buy her something he knew she would love to eat at 10:00 o’clock. He shook his head smiling, there was something he loved about her, she gave him hope and pure happiness. He loved the fact that she was not tangled in his world, she was a clean soul and maybe that’s why he let her off the hook so easily, she might have done him wrong but he knew for a fact that he was no victim….he was a real monster and he didn’t want Andani knowing about that. She was better off not knowing anything. He walked straight to his bedroom to take a nap; he threw himself on the bed and drifted off.

***

It was Friday morning and as usual he woke up to prepare himself for school. After he was done he walked to the kitchen where his mom usually had the breakfast ready but that morning there was nothing, instead he heard the noise coming from his parents main bedroom…he suddenly knew what it meant. They were fighting…again. He quickly rushed to his sisters bedroom…the girls were sharing a room because Thabeleng didn’t want to sleep alone. He got to their room and they had finished up preparing themselves.

Eugene:” ok sisters, I am taking you to school today and you are not having breakfast, instead I will give you extra money to buy extra food ok?” he knew that the noise was not going to stop and he didn’t want his sisters to sit and eat breakfast while listening to their parents fighting like they had done a thousand times before.

Tebogo:” why are we not eating?” he shrugged his shoulders

Eugene:” because I said so” he smiled, so they walked out with their bags

Thabeleng:” why are you driving us? Mom always drive”

Eugene:” too much questions Tebogo lets just go ok”

He took his mother’s car keys that were tossed in the lounge. He didn’t have a drivers licence but sure knew how to drive. He took the kids to school and gave them his pocket money to use for lunch that day. The kids were just excited that they had extra money. After that he drove back home, he was not in the mood for school anymore. He had been bunking school a lot lately, he’s been losing his concentration and his grades were not so great anymore…he had been suspended once for assaulting another boy. School had become boring for him. He walked inside the house and his parents where still at it. He sighed feeling irritated. He moved closer and he could hear the word cheating being thrown around. He had no idea who had been cheating though. He could hear his mom was also crying. He went to their bedroom and opened the door

Dad:” what!” he shouted looking at Eugene who was apologetically looking at his dad. He started shaking right away. Dad was holding a gun and pointing it to his mom

Eugene:” dad?” he said with tears threatening his eyes. His parents had always fought but he had had never seen his father with a gun, he didn’t even know that he owned a gun

Mom:” Eugene get out of here please” she was sitting on the bed crying and his father was standing at a distance pointing a gun at her. He slowly walked in

Eugene:” dad please put it down…think about us…your kids” he said slowly walking to his dad

Mom:” Eugene listen to me, get out of here”

Dad:” you better listen to your mom boy…get out of here” he couldn’t get out, what if he leaves and his dad kills his mom, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. He looked at his dad who was now not pointing a guy. He ran to him and tried to snatch the gun away from him. They fought for the gun while his mom screams her lungs out and within seconds Eugene had the gun in his hands

Eugene:” give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you, look at mom…look at what you’ve done to her and us” he started crying, his dad had always been violent, although his mom wasn’t perfect, she didn’t deserve the things he used to do to her. His mom’s face was swollen from the beatings

Dad:” don’t be stupid boy” Eugene looked at his dad and laughed a fake laugh

Eugene:” stupid? Dad you’ve ruined me and her….i can’t even concentrate at school because of all this”

Dad:” give me my damn gun” he said walking to Eugene and Eugene walked backwards still pointing a gun at his father

Mom:” Eugene my child don’t do this, don’t be like him” she pleaded, she was now on her feet

Eugene:” I am sorry mom but someone have to do this” his mom cried as she saw that Eugene was really going to shoot his father, she had to stop him….she jumped to her husband and Eugene had already fired the gun. Instead of his father…his mother took the bullet. He felt his body going cold and the whole room went dead quiet

Dad:” nooooooo, not my wife” Eugene stood where he was shaking and still appointing a gun at his father who went down on his knees holding his wife, he looked at his mother and knew what he had done….she was gone, he killed her, the bullet went straight to her forehead

Eugene:” dad” his father looked at him

Eugene:” I will live better in jail knowing that my sisters won’t have to deal with you” he knew it was game over, he was going to get arrested. He fired another shot at his dad, he looked at his dad as he fell to floor, he walked to him and fired another one. He immediately started shaking…he killed his parents….his mom, his sweet mom….he gave himself over to the tears that welled down his face. He broke down but his cry was quiet sobs.

***

Eugene was woken up by an alarm he set up so that he’d wake up. He woke up in a cold sweat feeling confused, he was feeling cold and shaking and was in tears. Owwww noooo the nightmares where back and they were back in full force. He was reliving that morning again and he knew what else was to come….a hell lot of what happened in the past was going to come back to haunt him. he sat on the bed for a while shaking and sobbing, he could feel his heart breaking again, his breathing becomes irregular and he could feel bile rising on his throat and it became difficult to breath…he was suffocating. He had to try and come back, try and think of something else or someone else who could bring him back. He thought of his sisters, the good times they had together on a weekend while he was there and everything died down slowly. He could feel the coldness leaving his body and his throat opening up. As strong as Eugene was….this was the moment that scared him the most…the pain he felt when something like that happened was unbearable and to think that Andi took him back here. He had no idea how he was going to get out of it again because Rod and his wife were gone…they treated him like their own after the incident and they made it all go away. He thought of how he lied to Andani about his parents’ death….he couldn’t afford to tell her the cold truth of what really happened, she’d leave him if she finds out.

He finally got control of himself and he walked to the shower. After showering he wore some track pants and a vest and some sneakers and then took his car keys to go buy Andani something to eat

ANDANI

I woke up the following morning and took a shower; I was getting dressed when someone buzzed at the gate. I walked to the kitchen to answer the phone

Me:” who is it”

Vhusani:” me” I smiled and pressed the button to open for her. I opened the door and walked to the bedroom to finish up dressing. Within minutes Vhusani walked in to my room

Vhusani:”you are going to work?”

Me:” I have to, I just got a new job…I can’t gamble with it” she walked to me in her heels and gave me a hug

Vhusani:” I am so sorry about everything that’s happened love, how are you feeling?”

Me:” better now that I have talked to you…much better”

Vhusani:” I can only imagine” we broke the hug and I continued dressing

Me:” you are going to work after this?”

Vhusani:”yeah I am, I just wanted to check up on you first…so what’s happening with you and Eugene now?”

Me:” he was here around 1 this morning….i found him staring at me while I was sleeping can you believe it? But he said he is sorry, he seem sorry as well and he is willing to forgive me for cheating”

Vhusani:” wow I don’t even know what to say….i love him for you, he treated you well and it’s not like he just hurt you out of the blue….he probably lost control….not that I condone what he did, you didn’t deserve it at all” I finish getting dressed and started applying make-up

Me:” thank you for being supportive instead of judgemental” she smiled

Vhusani:” you do know that I only judge because I love you right? But at this moment you need my support” I smiled

Me:” thank you for being the best” when I was done we drove to work,

I drove my car and she drove hers. I got to work and got down to business. My heart was at ease, talking to Eugene did something in me and confiding in Vhusani also helped, I was now feeling better. It was half past nine when a security guy knocked on my door. I told him to come in. He walked in with some takeaways. He told me that somebody delivered this at the security desk and asked him to bring it to me. I thanked him and took the takeaway. There was also a note

“Enjoy the meal….i will be cooking you lunch so long, don’t buy anything for lunch….i will bring it as well. I love you” I smiled shaking my head…My sweet Eugene…I texted him

“Thanks for the meal, I can get used to this, I love you too” I sent the text and smiled

Life as we know it

Insert 79

A week later

Things had been….well I don’t know how to say it in one or two words. But I had been going to work every day and Vhusani had been trying her best to be there for me. As for Eugene and I, well we hadn’t seen each other since that fateful morning I found him staring at me while I was sleeping. We were keeping contact though. We didn’t call each other much but we texted a lot. It was not flirty texting, it was just a matter of sending each other texts about what each of us were up to and reminding each other of how much we were in love with each other but that was it. I had tried to get to meet him but he said he was busy with work. I don’t know what was wrong, maybe he was still dealing with everything that’s happened. Apart from that, he was sending me lunches at work and sometimes he’d even cook dinner and have it delivered to my place. As much as I loved the gesture, I also felt that it was weird and I kinda wanted him to come cook for me instead of cooking at his house and have the food delivered, it was as if he was trying to stay away from me.

It was Friday afternoon and I was busy working when my phone rang. I checked the caller ID and it was Thabeleng. I smiled and picked it up

Me:” hey you”

Thabeleng:” hey Andi, how are you doing?” damn this child was always happy, I could hear from her voice that she was excited about something

Me:” uhm I am doing great and I don’t think I should ask you because you sound ok to me”

Thabeleng:” obviously yeah…anyway where is your office?”

Me:” huh?”

Thabeleng:” Your office Andi, we just landed in Cape Town and we want your keys to the house”

Me:” Thabeleng what are you on about?”

Thabeleng:” uhm we are visiting and we thought that it would be better if we stay over at your place” what the?

Me:”uhm does Eugene know about this?”

Thabeleng:” nope he was not gonna agree so we will tell him now that we are here…so address Andi, we are having lunch now and after that we will drive to your office and then your house” wow these kids

Me:” so you hired a vehicle?”

Thabeleng:” yep”

Me:”uhm ok I will text you the address right now”

Thabeleng:” thank you, we will be there shortly” I dropped the call and sighed. Why didn’t they tell me they were coming? Not that I have any problem having them around but a little notice wouldn’t have hurt anyone….i mean Eugene and I were not ready to have them here, we were still dealing with our own issues. I immediately dialled Eugene, I needed to tell him. His phone rang to voicemail and I was kinda disappointed. After a minute he called back

Me:” hey”

Eugene:”uhm hey I am sorry I missed your call, I was talking to Tebogo”

Me:” they told you?” he breathed

Eugene:” yeah they did, I am so sorry about this Andi, I didn’t know they were coming”

Me:” you don’t have to apologise Eugene they mean well…they are trying to show support and I don’t mind them coming”

Eugene:” ow owk that’s great then so…”

Me:”so?”

Eugene:” I guess I should come over then” he said slowly

Me:” obviously yes, we can’t show them that something is going on so you’ll have to spend the night as well”

Eugene:” uhm or I can leave when they are sleeping” ok it was obvious that Eugene just didn’t want to spend the night with me

Me:” Eugene you are spending the night ok? We will deal with our issues when they are gone, for now we have to put up a front for them”

Eugene:” I will be there when I knock off then” his voice said it all…he was not keen on coming to my place, we hadn’t seen each other in more than a week and he didn’t miss me? I felt my heart throbbing

Me:” ok love you”

Eugene:” love you too”

I sat on the chair and felt like crying. Even after everything that’s happened, I missed him so bad but he was not even keen on seeing me. Within an hour Thabeleng and Tebogo arrived in my office. I was excited to see them shame. So we stayed in my office waiting for my knock off time because they arrived at past three. I had to constantly ask Thabeleng to keep it down because she was loud. Although we laughed and joked, I could see that they were concerned about me and Tebogo kept on asking if I was really fine. I assured her that I was actually great. So after work we drove to my house. Thabeleng drove with me and Tebogo alone.

We got home and started preparing supper. Well, Tebogo and I did while Thabeleng cleaned the house. We finished everything at around past 7 in the evening and Eugene was still not here

Thabeleng:” so what time does my brother knock off? We told him we’d be here”

Me:” he probably got held up, he is supposed to be back already” I said acting like I wasn’t worried because I was….i was also nervous, I missed him so much.

I had already showed the girls the room they’ll use. I told the girls that I needed to take a shower. I walked to my room and took a quick shower. I was having butterflies in my stomach, I missed Eugene so much and I had no idea what was going to happen when he pitch. After the shower, I looked through my closet for my best lingerie, I had no idea what was going to happen but I had to impress either way. I took a black one that I bought few months ago and put it on. After that I put on a bit of make-up which was not too visible and some perfume as well. I wore my gown and my sleepers and walked to the lounge. The girls were fighting over a remote…like really? Tebogo was much older than Thabeleng but I don’t think Thabeleng cared at all, she acted like they were twins.

Me:” I seriously wonder how you cope in that big house together without anyone else?” I said looking around and realising that Eugene was not back yet…my heart ached…where was he? Was he bailing out? I was now convinced that Eugene didn’t want to see me. I mean normally he’d be here already to see his sisters. I checked the watch and it was past 8

Tebogo:” we actually get along very well when it’s just the two of us….uhm Andi can you try and call Eugene…if he is not here in the next 15 minutes we will eat without him” I took out my phone and texted him

“Seriously? You could have just told me that you wont be able to make it instead of having us looking at the gate every 10 seconds” I sent the text and tapped my foot on the floor while sitting on the couch as I waited for his reply or for the buzzer to ring

Me:” I texted him”

Thabeleng:” tjooo Eugene better be here any minute, I am starving” and at that moment the buzzer went off and I felt my insides churning and screaming in joy

Thabeleng:” ow my God he is here” she screamed and ran to press the button and then open the door and ran out

Me:”mhm that reaction was priceless” I said smiling at Tebogo

Tebogo:” he is her everything….her mom, dad and brother so you can imagine” she said smiling

Me:” I guess the only reason why you are not acting the same is because I am here and you are a bit embarrassed….i guess if I was not here you were gonna compete as to who will hug him first” we burst out laughing

Tebogo:” seriously? Woman just stop it” we laughed and just then Eugene walked in carrying Thabeleng on his shoulders with her legs hanging on his chest and her head on his back

Eugene:” hellow” he said in a deep voice with a smile on his face and I continued looking at the TV while smiling to myself. My body felt electrified with static as if it were drawn to him

Tebogo:” hey big bro” he put Thabeleng down as she was giggling and she stumbled a bit as she stood up

Eugene:”I am smelling something heavenly around here….sisters you can dish up so long so that I can have a moment nyana with my woman” they looked at him and giggled and walked to the kitchen. I was looking straight at the TV and not looking at him. He came and sat next to me and looked at the TV too

Eugene:” you look beautiful…eatable….sexy” he was still looking straight at the TV

Me:” thanks” he looked at me and I looked at him

Me:” I missed you so much” I confessed, it was the truth

Eugene:” I missed you more” our eyes locked and I thought I was gonna get a kiss or maybe a hug or just a touch or something but I got nada

Eugene:” you are ok?” I nodded still looking at him

Eugene:” ok I got your angry text, sorry I am late, I was working” I rolled my eyes and looked away

Eugene:” uhm we can go have dinner, I am sorry for being late” he got up before me and I got up too with confusion that must have been written all over my face. What the hell was going on here? I didn’t even get a hug….all I got was his eyes piercing through me. We went to the kitchen and took the food and ate in the lounge while watching TV. After the meal Tebogo and I washed the dishes while he was playing with Thabeleng. The whole time through dinner Eugene didn’t look at me and that added to my worry…he was talking and laughing throughout the conversations but he was just not looking at me, Something had changed in him….i didn’t know if he regretted what he said about us fixing things but he was seriously acting weird.

So we sat for about two hours or so watching TV, chatting and laughing. Past 11 we both went to our rooms and Eugene and I went to our room.

Eugene:” I will sleep on the couch” he said as soon as I closed the bedroom door

Me:” what? Why?” he’s got to be kidding me, a couch? Eugene was tall…sleeping on the 2 seater couch was not gonna cut it

Eugene:” remember we didn’t really plan any of this? I guess both of us were not ready for anything yet…the only reason why I am here is because of my sisters”

Me:” but I don’t mind you sleeping on the bed Eugene, sleeping on the couch is insane”

Eugene:” don’t make this harder than it already is please…I will sleep on the couch end of story” did he just dismiss me? He walked to my closet and came back with one duvet and started taking his jeans off

Me:” Eugene are you still angry at me?” I said sitting on the bed, he stopped and looked at me. I felt that I couldn’t sleep not knowing what was going on

Eugene:” I am not…I am just….Andi just not now”

Me:” Eugene” I said almost in tears, he hadn’t even touched me or give me a hug since he came

Eugene:” I don’t want to fight or talk about…. again but just give me time to wrap my head around it” he said and took off the, shirt, jean and his boxers and went to the couch with just his undies. He slept and covered himself with the duvet and left me sitting there with my teary eyes.

Life as we know it

Insert 80

I was deep in sleep when I started hearing a sound that made me wake up. I looked around and found Eugene still on his couch. He was the one making a sound…more like he was crying. I sat up and looked at him but he seemed to be having a bad dream. I got out of bed and switched on the light…he was really sleeping and having a bad dream, I mean why else would he be crying on his sleep.

Me:” Eugene?” I called out softly but he continued crying with his eyes closed

Me:” Eugene?” this was not going to work so I moved closer to him

Me:” Eugene wake up” I said loudly while shaking him

Eugene:” Huh? Stacy? Is that you? Stacy?” Stacy? I am Stacy now? Who the hell was this Stacy? I felt my body getting warm and itchy all at the same time…Eugene had been seeing a “Stacy”, no wonder he’s been ignoring me, no wonder he’s not been touching me. I looked at him and he was now sitting on the couch and rocking himself back and forth still with tears in his eyes but silently sobbing

Me:” Eugene what’s wrong?” I said rubbing his back, as much as I was furious about the Stacy issue, I wanted to help him first, something was seriously wrong with him. Maybe he needed Stacy…the thought of that made me wanna vomit

Me:” Eugene love what’s wrong?” he completely ignored me and called Stacy while not looking at me. Was he still in his sleep? What was this?

Eugene:” I need Stacy, I need Stacy” he must have repeated this five times and that’s when I realised that I couldn’t take it anymore and I gave him one hot slap on the face. How dare he wake up from some bad dream and call another woman? My heart was in pieces

Eugene:” what??? Uhm what happened? And why are you slapping me?” he seemed confused…was that Stacy episode still part of the dream? Or a nightmare or whatever the hell was happening? So he dreams about Stacy now? I wanted to tell him to leave right away but I had questions about this Stacy

Me:” you’ve been having a bad dream” I said holding off tears, I didn’t want to cry, not until I get answers about Stacy

Me:” uhm these nightmares are really having the best of me….i should take a cold shower” he said getting up and walking towards the bathroom while wiping off his tears

Me:” who is Stacy?” I said still standing close to the couch with my hands on my chest and tapping one foot on the floor like those ladies from the Nigerian movies

Eugene;” huh?”

Me:” you were calling Stacy in your sleep like 100 times so who the hell is she?” I wiped off the tear from my left eye….he looked at me with shock in his eyes…yeah boet you called out her name and now I know about her, time for some explanation

Eugene:” she is no one” he said coldly

Me:” a no one? So you’ve been dreaming about no one? Eugene have you been sleeping with this Stacy woman? Is that why you don’t want to touch me or even look at my eyes? Is that why you are sleeping on my couch? Eugene you’ve been with another woman….just admit that it was your revenge” I said and broke down into a serious cry….yes I had cheated on him but the thought of him doing it just to get back at me was painful, especially after how he begged me to give us a chance

Eugene:” Andani please”

Me:” please what? I should just keep quiet? Do you love Stacy? Do you love her?”

Eugene:” damn it Andani I love her ok? I really do” oww my God I almost collapsed and die on the spot, he was in love with another woman and he had the lever….i mean a big gigantic nerve to come clean to me about it…ow my word, the Ria drama was playing all over again….what was I to do?

Eugene:” I love her because she was like a mom to me”

Me:”huh?” now I was confused. My heart literally stopped breaking for few seconds to make sense of what he was saying

Eugene:” she was Rod’s wide….Rodriguez’s wife…he sort of like became close to me after my parents died, he was like my father and his wife a mother”

Me:” ow” I wiped off my face feeling rather embarrassed about my “you are cheating on me” episode…I mean how could I even think that Eugene could do that to me? Jeeez I was the cheater here not him

Eugene:” exactly, so I am not sleeping with her or any other woman for that matter….i don’t do cheating Andani, if I grow tired of you I will let you know and we will end things….i will never ever cheat” he said that and walked towards the bathroom, I ran to him

Me:” I am sorry”

Eugene:” its fine” he seemed angry

Me:” so Stacy and Rod? You never told me anything about them…I mean if you are close to them then….”

Eugene:” then I should have introduced you to them right?” I didn’t nod but that’s what I wanted to say

Eugene:” well they are dead Andi, just like my real parents they are also gone and I am alone in this…I have to deal with these nightmares all on my own” he looked at me like he wanted to cry and then walked to the bathroom. He never had nightmares before, what could have triggered them, I walked after him

Me: “so you want to shower now?” he nodded

Me:” so these nightmares, did you have them before?”

Eugene:” yeah after my parents died” he didn’t look at me, he was obviously in pain, I could see it all over his face. He said that he had them after his parents died and the other day he also said that he had never felt so much pain since his parents death…did I cause this? Did i triggered the nightmares, my heart sank at the thought

Me:” uhm Eugene don’t you want to talk about it maybe? I mean the nightmares?”

Eugene:” no I will be fine” he walked in the shower and I turned around and walked to the bedroom. The Eugene I just witnessed today was a different Eugene, a fragile hurt Eugene, it pained my heart to see him like that. After a long time he came out of the shower and found me already in bed.

Eugene:” I will be in the lounge if you need me”

Me:” now?”

Me:” I don’t feel like sleeping anymore” he wore my gown which was obviously smaller and walked out to the lounge. I was left there just dumbstruck. A lot had changed about Eugene, I guessed that he wanted to watch TV so that he don’t fall asleep, the nightmares must have been so bad. After that episode I eventually fell asleep

The following morning I woke up a bit early. I walked out of my room wearing my other gown because Eugene was wearing the other one

Me:” morning” I said as I was passing through to the kitchen, Eugene was watching a movie

Eugene:” morning” he walked after me

Eugene:” how was your sleep?” he asked with a smile

Me:” apart from being alone and cold as well as you waking me up in the middle of the night crying then it was fine”

Eugene:” I wasn’t crying Andi, I was having nightmares that’s all”

Me:” so how are you feeling?”

Eugene:” its no big deal love…I am as good as new….i am fine” he smiled

Me:” ok Eugene, now if you don’t mind, I want to prepare some breakfast” well I was angry at him because he was not talking to me about his nightmares, he was clearly going through some serious problem and he didn’t want to share that with me

Eugene:” I would love to help”

Me:” no thanks I am fine” I said opening the fridge

Eugene:” but I wanna help”

Me:” your sisters are not up yet so we can stop pretending for now…I mean you wanna help me make breakfast but you don’t even wanna touch me or even kiss me for that matter or maybe share with me what your nightmares where all about”

Eugene:” But Andi “

Me:” go back to watching TV Eugene” I shouted and he raised his hands in defeat and walked away. I prepared enough breakfast for everyone. When I was about to finish Tebogo and Thabeleng walked in. the girls where bubbly as usual. They came and help me finish up preparing the food and when we were done we all sat in the dining table and ate

Tebogo:” I have some news to share with you guys”

Eugene:” oww what is it?”

Tebogo:” not now Eugene, we can do it in the afternoon”

Me:” mhm I smell a wedding here” Eugene laughed

Eugene:” nah I don’t think so, it’s too soon…maybe when she is 30”

Thabeleng:” seriously? Eugene look at you and Andi? You guys look so great together and you make me want to fall in love and get married right away and you expect Tebogo not to get carried away? I agree with you Andi, it must be the wedding” instead of laughing with everyone else I felt sad. These kids thought Eugene and I were perfect but we weren’t anymore, things had become so complicated and painful at the same time.

Tebogo:” Andi”

Me:”huh?” I snapped out of my thoughts and realised that I was actually holding my fork in the air while my thoughts drifted away

Me:” uhm excuse me” I sniffed as I got up and ran to my room…I couldn’t do it anymore, the pretending was getting too much, pretending like you are happy when you aren’t wasn’t so easy. I loved Eugene and what I wanted was for us to go back to normal but clearly that’s not what he wanted. I got to my room and stood in the middle of the room with my hands on my head and let it all out. I cried for the fact that he raped me, I cried for the fact that I still loved him so much, I cried for the fact that I cheated, that he found out, that my life was a mess and I had no idea who to blame…me or him….i just cried for everything

Eugene:” Andani!” he sounded concerned. He came in front of me and held my hands

Eugene:” babe what’s wrong?” babe? So he remembers what I was to him?

Eugene:” my love talk to me” he was wiping my tears

Me:” I can’t do this anymore, I can’t pretend like we are fine when you can’t even touch me”

Eugene:”ow”

Me:” if this is your way of punishing me then it’s working Eugene…seeing you laughing out there and happy and being perfect at pretending hurts….it cut so deep Gee” I broke down again

Eugene:”shhh I am so sorry” he held me on his arms and I inhaled his scent as I lay my head gently on his chest and I felt at home and safe. That’s what he made me feel. I didn’t want to let go, I just wanted to be in his arms

Eugene:” I was not trying to punish you” he said stroking my head. I didn’t answer because I was still enjoying being in his arms, I realised how much I missed him, how much I missed being in his arms or touched by him

Eugene:” the truth is I…well I hate the fact that you did him here in this room and on this bed but that’s not all….after what I did to you…how I have reacted after you told me…..i just can’t bring myself to…you know, I feel like you don’t want to, like it will remind you of that day, I feel like a monster who don’t deserve your intimacy” what? That’s what he thought? All this time I’ve been beating myself up thinking I was unloved while I was actually really loved. There was one thing I hated about him…his lack of communication, he could have told me how he felt from the beginning

Me:” I thought you just didn’t want to” he kissed my forehead

Eugene:” of course I want to, but we both need some time…I for one need some time to forgive myself for what I did to you”

Me:” ok I get it, I am buying a new bed today and you are sleeping on my new bed, no more couch” I heard him chuckle

Eugene:” you’d do that for me?”

Me:” anything for you”