Life as we know it 66-70

Life as we know it

Insert 66

6 weeks later. Eugene and I had become Ying and Yang. Things were progressing as perfect as I had hoped and as for my secret…well I mean the sex scandal…that was long dead and buried. Rialivhuwa was being the good boy I expected him to be and kept his mouth shut regarding the issue. My mom still had my son although we were fighting about it few days ago, the woman insisted on taking care of her gradnson, although I wasn’t too happy I was enjoying some non-mommy moments with my big baby Eugene. Owww one more interesting part of my life. I found myself a job as a financial advisor in one of the big companies in Cape Town, I started a week ago and things were a bit hectic, not really great and not what I had expected. The job I was doing was different from my previous one so it wasn’t easy. At this point I still hadn’t found my feet yet and was still getting to get the hang of things in the office but I was happy I had a job. I had grown to be besties with Tebogo and Thabeleng, they had become my family. I hadn’t told my parents anything about Eugene yet, I wanted to and although Eugene was not really pushing me, he wanted me to tell them soon, I kept on telling him that I’d do it all in good time, maybe when I go collect my son from home. He wasn’t really happy and I figured it was about time I let my mom know. My sister already knew about him and the engagement. We weren’t going to wed anytime soon so there was really no need for us to rush into things, well that’s what I believed at least.

Today was a Saturday and I was chilling with my man at his house. I came yesterday, that had become a thing now…I was spending my weekends at his place. I was still in bed in the afternoon around 12. Eugene was out of bed and in the house somewhere. I decided that maybe it was about time I tell my mom about Eugene, it wouldn’t hurt for her to know, plus I was planning on marrying the guy as soon as we were both ready

Mom:” hey Andi” she said when she picked up the call

Me:” hello mom how are you doing and how is my baby?”

Mom:” we are doing great my girl, we can’t really complain, how are you?”

Me:” everything is fine, maybe more than fine”

Mom:” something beside your new job?”

Me:” I met a boy…well not really a boy but a man…a loving man”

Mom:” ow you did? Isn’t that too quick? I mean you’ve been divorced for how long? 8 months?”

Me:” yah and that’s enough time for me to move on mom, I am sure Ria has been with more than five women and I have only been with this one man…I love him a lot, he loves me too…he is sweet and loving and he respects me and oww…he loves my son mommy, you should see him around Omphu” calling my mom mommy felt good, I hadn’t done that in a while and I sure loved the feeling of being my mother’s little girl

Mom:” wow Andi you really love this guy and who am I to stand in your way”

Me:” I am really happy with him”

Mom:” so you are happy?”

Me:” a lot”

Mom:” then I am happy for you my child” I could hear from her voice that she was happy

Me:”aaaaaand….he proposed and…i….saiiiiid yes” I waited

Mom:” what? How long have you known this boy?”

Me:” 4 months now”

Mom:” Andani four months? You’ve been through this before and you can’t just jump into another marriage so quickly”

Me:” mom I love him and he loves me, why wait? I mean Ria and I took our time to know each other and we both know how that ended so with Eugene I don’t want to wait, if it is going to be another failed marriage then fine but what if he is the one? Well I think he is the one” she breathed

Mom:” well I guess you are old enough to make your own decisions”

Me:” yes I am”

Mom:” so when is the big day?” she wasn’t too happy

Me:” we haven’t decided, it’s not going to be soon, we are still just enjoying each other’s company”

Mom:”ok I see, I am happy for you Andi and I pray to God that he is what you expect him to be” that he was, no doubt in my mind

Me:”yes he is, so where is my son?” she giggled

Me:” mom what happened?”

Mom:”your dad took him to the office” I couldn’t help but laughed, my dad though

Me:” you got to be kidding”

Mom:” I am dead serious love”

Me:” well call me when they come back so that I can chat to him”

Mom:” ok baby”

Me:”bye mom”

Mom:” bye Andi, I love you”

Me:” I love you too” after that call I breathed. I looked at the door and Eugene was standing there smiling like an idiot

Me:” you look funny” I said without even smiling

Eugene:” so you told mom?” he said walking towards me giggling, it was clear that he was happy

Me:” I guess I did” he got to bed and tried to kiss me but I wasn’t in the mood

Me:” Eugene just stop ok?”

Eugene:” my love what is it?”

Me:” do you still have those fried potato chips in the fridge?”

Eugene:” huh?”

Me:” the ones I bought last weekend when I was here?” I said getting out of bed, the only thing I needed at that moment was those chips

Eugene:” you said it yourself, it was last week so I probably threw them away on Monday morning”

Me:’you did what? Eugene how can you do something like that? Those are chips, like my chips and i….i love eating them you know that, how can you do such a thing?” I was suddenly feeling overwhelmed and wanted to just break down and cry. I took his car keys and stormed out of the room, he ran after me

Eugene:” Andi….babe” I ignored him. I was trying to open the exit door when he grabbed my hand

Me:” what! I am going to buy the damn chips” I snapped

Eugene:” ok Andi you’ve been acting really strangely for two weeks now and I have only one conclusion for this love…you are pregnant”

Me:’what? Hell no” I said giving him a disgusted look and then I suddenly started to really think about it. Me….pregnant? When was the last time i…i…had my…pe…period?…that was? Uhm that was…uhm last months and thinking about what day it was…..i was really late, like extremely late. Noooo, Nooo I can’t be pregnant, it’s not really possible. I use a condom every time with Eugene and…..and I used the morning after pill after Ria so this was not possible, something must have been wrong, maybe I was just being late…

Me:” no I am not pregnant, we use a condom all the time” I was a bit shaky and unable to look at him

Eugene:” but you know they are not 100% safe. Think about it love, you are extremely moody these days I mean that’s not you, you are emotional all the time…I mean you almost cried for some chips….you are always and I mean always eating either those potato chips or a yogurt like half the time, you never loved chips, you complained about a headache few days ago…babe we are going to have a baby” he said the last part with a smile on his face. He opened his hands to hug me but I just looked at him with the warning! “Don’t even dare”

Me:” Eugene I cannot be pregnant, I mean I don’t want a baby….uhm no offence or anything but I don’t want a baby now” I was seriously freaking out

Eugene:” I know I know babe I understand that, but if you happen to be pregnant, I just want you to know that I love you and I’d be happy” I looked at him and suddenly hated myself, what if I was really pregnant, what if I really was? What then?

Me:” uhm I need to go to the doctor, I don’t want a home pregnancy test but I just want a scan to be done so that you can rub that pregnancy idea out of your head. I mean I am changing a little bit because I just got a job and I am still trying to fit in”

Eugene:” ok babe I am not fighting ok? Let’s go” we left and he insisted that we go to his doctor. He called the surgery while we were on our way. We got there and had to wait for about 30 minutes before going in. I was going insane while waiting, I was beside myself…I was totally at the edge of my seat. I can’t be pregnant, I can’t have another baby. Finally they called us in and I asked Eugene to give me some privacy when I go consult. I told them my reason for being there and that I needed a scan done and not a pregnancy test. When the doctor was busy smearing that gell thing on my belly I was starring straight at the screen. He started moving the machine on my belly and his attention was all paid to the screen

Life as we know it

Insert 67

Doc:” good news mam, you are pregnant” I swear for few seconds I died and resurrect

Me:” are you serious?” I said breathing hard

Doc:” yep…uhm I am seeing something here?” he looked closely at the screen

Me:” what?” I wanted him to tell me he was wrong and that there was no baby

Doc:” I think you might be having twins…it’s too early to tell but I think I am seeing two heart bits” oww my God, I was having twins?

Me:” no no no no, I am having twins? Can you even tell so early?” he nodded with a smile. I was totally confused at that moment. I was honestly not sure which one didn’t work. I wasn’t sure if the morning after pill didn’t work or if the condoms didn’t work. In a simplest form…..i don’t know who the father of my babies was.

Me:” just stop moving that thing on my belly ok? Just stop it” I lashed out at him. He quietly removed the little machine thingy and I got up from the bed and took a toilet paper and wiped my belly quickly

Me:” are we done?” I asked feeling impatient…I was now up on my feet

Doc:” is there any th-“

Me:” how far am i?” i asked, I was hoping that he’d say 3 or four weeks

Doc:” 6 weeks” noooo I wanted to just cry, it was very much possible that the baby could be Ria’s

Me:” I just want to get out of here” I said walking to the door

Doc:” ok uhm take this file outside” I walked out with the file and Eugene was staring straight at the door when I opened. I couldn’t face him. I was the dumbest woman alive, to be unable to know the father of my kids? i gave Eugene the file and walked out of the building, I needed some air, I needed to digest this. He walked out a minute later and found me pacing up and down with my hands on my hips.

Eugene:” babe how did it go?” I looked at him leaning against the car and ran out of strengths. I just got inside the car, he could also sense that I wasn’t happy so he just drove in silence. We got home and he parked the car at the drive way

Me:” uhm I am pregnant with twins” I said and suddenly felt nauseous

Eugene: “what?” I could sense the joy around that one word and I just knew that I didn’t want to face it. So I quickly got out of the car and walked inside the house and he followed me. I went straight to the bedroom and threw myself on the bed. I wanted to cry so badly. I heard him walking in and he came and sat next to me

Eugene:” cupcake” at this moment I didn’t feel like a cupcake, if anything I felt like a 10 days old white bread

Eugene:” come here my love” he took me and hugged me so tight.

I held on to him and I lost it and broke down. I knew what needed to be done, I had to deal with Rialivhuwa not even suspecting that the baby was his so I obviously I couldn’t keep it a secret because he’d find out one way or the other but one thing for sure…I would have to lie to him about how far I was….I’d have to subtract at least three weeks so that he’d be off my hair about the paternity of the babies. Plus I feel that I’d feel better knowing that Eugene was the father of my babies, the thought of Ria fathering any more of my kids was nauseating and I wasn’t going to let it happen, not if I can do something about it. So for now I’d like to think that the condoms didn’t work and the pill did work because I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life wondering if Eugene is really the father of my kids

Eugene:” uhm, can I come clean about something?”

Me:” what did you do Eugene?” I looked at him and I could see that whatever he did must have been big

Eugene:” I might have impregnated you knowingly” I was lost

Me:” what are you on about?”

Eugene:” when we were in Gauteng, 6 weeks back….there was this one early morning we made love while you were sleepy because I just woke you up….i think I might have tear that condom a little bit at the tip…so I was kinda patiently waiting for you to be pregnant, that’s why I have been observant of your behaviour lately” I looked at him and wanted to be angry at him soo badly but I wasn’t angry, I was happy…at least I knew for sure that these where Eugene’s babies. I wanted to keep a straight face so bad but I couldn’t because I was too relieved

Eugene:” I am sorry I did this but I was still shaken up by the whole Ria’s mom thing, I wanted to give you something to tie us together”

Me:” but that’s childish” I said with a bit of smile….the babies weren’t Ria’s

Eugene:” I know that but I love you so much to lose you to anyone Andi…and now I just scored two babies…twins Andani” he smiled

Me:” I am sorry about how I reacted to this, I am just confused and was not expecting any of this….i am gonna be having two more kids Gee, I mean Omphu is only three years old”

Eugene:” a little bit of correction, you are not having the kids but we are having them…. We are together in this and I will be with you every step of the way, babe I know its not what you expected but damn Andani you have no idea how happy you’ve made me, how excited I am about this….i am going to have two babies” he was almost in tears, that’s how happy he was about this…imagine if he had to find out that I wasn’t sure who the father was…he’d die and he’ll probably kill me too…well I think it was a bit clear now, Eugene was the father. I looked at him and smiled a bit

Me:” yep twins, goshh” I put both my hands on my head while I was sitting in front of him with my legs crossed against each other, he removed my hands from my head and looked at me

Eugene:” you have no idea how happy you’ve made me, how happy I am about this” he chuckled and took out his phone

Me:” and now?”

Eugene:” I have to let the world know that I am going to be the father of two….i am strong like that….two babies all at once? Damn woman this should be celebrated” Eugene was more excited about this than I had thought he would be. Looking at him I was seeing a different Eugene, he was soo over the top. He dialled the phone and put it on his ears

Me:” no no no babe it’s too soon, I think we should just tell our closest friends and then when I am about three months then we’d let the world know ok?”

Eugene:” eish ok, I will tell Tebogo then” he removed the phone from his ear

Me:” and I will tell Vhusani and lets lay low ok?” he looked at me and smiled, he started kissing me right away

Eugene:” we should do more of this now because once you are about 7 months we won’t be doing much” I giggled

Me:” seriously?” I giggled too

Eugene:” yeah seriously”

After making love he held me on his arms

Eugene:” tell me what you wanna eat? What you feel like eating and that’s where we are going to have our lunch” I looked at him and smiled

Me:” you’re sure I should pick anywhere I wanna go eat?”

Eugene:” yep, anything for you and my daughter as well as my son” I laughed out loud

Me:” so you think it’s a boy and a girl?”

Eugene:” it’s got to be a boy and a girl” I found myself laughing at the thought of having two small babies

Me:” ok I want those KFC wings and some chips and a coke…tjooo babe that’s what I really need…owww I need some sugar as well so an ice cream too” he gave me a funny look

Me:” you asked me to tell you where I want to eat and I just told you but you are looking at me funny”

Eugene:” uhm I thought my babies would want some italian food…I mean maybe some tramezzini” I looked at him and laughed

Me:” no, they want KFC lets go” I got out of bed and got dressed

Eugene:” ok on this case we will buy you your KFC and then we will later go to San Marco and I will get myself my italian meal and then we will come back home and enjoy our meal?” I smiled

Me:” ok” he got dressed too and we first drove to KFC and then to San Marco. We were walking to the parking after we received our order when we bumped into Rialivhuwa. Why do I keep running onto him? He was with some girl

Ria:” hey guys”

Eugene:” hey”

Ria:” long time”

Me:” yeah long time” I said looking at the girl, I was expecting him to introduce us to the girl

Ria:” so you guys have been good?”

Eugene:” yeah we’ve been fantastic….i mean Omphu is about to have new siblings” he said with a smile and I gave him a death stare, why did he do that? Ria was not our friend and the agreement was to tell the friends

Ria:”what do you mean?” he looked confused

Eugene:” we are expecting twins” he said with a smile. Rialivhuwa looked down on my belly

Ria:” uhm…wow...uhm congrats hey”

Me:” thank you” I wasn’t looking at him

Eugene:” see you around”

Ria:” cool” Eugene and I walked to the car and I could still feel Ria’s gaze at us even though I was not looking at him. I turned around when we got to our car and he was still looking. We got inside and Eugene started driving

Me:” what was that about? I thought we were telling our friends?” I said as soon as he started driving

Eugene:” I am sorry love I just got carried away, I hope you don’t mind” I rolled my eyes looking out the window. Within seconds my phone beeped, I took it and checked…it was Rialivhuwa

“Uhm how far are you? I mean, is there a possibility of me being a father” what? Did he honestly think I’d come clean even if he was the father? I replied quickly

“nice try but nahh you ain’t the father….i am just three weeks, we found out today”

Well, I didn’t want any more drama in my life so lying to Ria was going to prevent that…I cant have him suspecting that he was the father because Ria was stupid enough to the extent that he’d want paternity done and then Eugene would find out about what I had done with Ria. The babies were Eugene’s but he was a man so finding out I slept with Ria round about at the same time that the babies were conceived was going to make him doubt the paternity.

“Ow” that’s all he said

Eugene:” you seem really serious, who is that?”

Me:” it’s my sister, she said that mom told her about our conversation this morning”

Eugene:” so are you going to tell them about the pregnancy?”

Me:” eish not now”

Eugene:” ok I don’t know what you think about it but I was thinking that maybe we should get married before you give birth or maybe before you even start to show….my uncles are always ready and my money is always ready too, we are all just waiting for your go ahead” he said looking straight ahead

Me:” let me think about it first ok?”

Eugene:” ok love….i love you so much neh?”

Me:” I love you more”

We got home and ate the food we just bought

Life as we know it

Insert 68

Sunday evening he took me back to my place. He didn’t want to, he wanted me to spend the night at his place but I told him that I needed to prep for work. I was still new at my new job and was doing my best to fit in so I wanted to spend an hour or so checking out my laptop preparing for tomorrow. Its not easy giving people advice about how to spend or how to save their money and their pensions, it’s a lot of work and one need some serious skills to pull that one off so I wanted to ace it, I couldn’t afford to mess up my job, not after spending so many months jobless. So yeah I was brought back home and saying goodbye to him wasn’t easy but it needed to be done. Once Eugene was gone I prepared for tomorrow as I had planned and then went to bed all by myself. Eugene called me just when I was drifting off to sleep

Me:” my love”

Eugene:” hey cupcake, I miss you and my babies” I smiled

Me:” I know that baby but mommy has to rest now because tomorrow is back to work”

Eugene:” mhm ok, I wish you could just quit already, I mean you are going to have two babies love, how are you going to cope?”

Me:” are you seriously asking me to be a house wife?”

Eugene:” not really…I am jus-“

Me:” it doesn’t matter anyway because its not going to happen, I am not going to quit this job and as for having twins…I am sure I will cope, I will get a helper but I will be fine…you’ll also be helping out” Eugene:” ow owk so you have it all figured out huh?”

Me:” I think so…I mean women are having twins all the time, we don’t see them quitting their jobs”

Eugene:” maybe because their husbands don’t have millions like I do” I laughed out loud

Me:” millions huh?”

Eugene:” sounds like you don’t believe me….woman you don’t even know my back balance” I laughed

Me:” it sounds scary, I don’t think I wanna know it” he laughed

Eugene:” I hear you, honestly Andi my bed is cold without you… can I come over?” seriously I giggled

Me:” Eugene stop being a big baby, you just dropped me here an hour ago”

Eugene:” I know that but I miss you…you said there won’t be any sleeping over during the week and I doubt that I will handle that”

Me:” I said we will do lunches and breakfasts where we can”

Eugene:” but that’s not enough, imagine waiting for the weekend to have you sleeping next to me again” he sulked

Me:” Babe please I am tired and these babies are not making things easy for me plus my new job…let me rest”

Eugene:” wow so you are seriously going to use my kids? Mhm ok let’s do breakfast tomorrow at 10 during your tea time…I will come to your office with the breakfast of your choosing…sms me what you want tomorrow morning neh?” I smiled

Me:” I will do so babe”

Eugene:” goodnight sweety love”

Me:” night babe”

The following morning I woke up and went to work as usual. I was feeling good…as in completely great. Eugene was being a sweetheart and the fact that I was having twins was no longer scary, it was refreshing. Eugene was a good guy and he was obviously going to be a great dad to my two little bundle of joy. I got to work and was in a perfect mood, I started working right away. I attended the staff meeting I had at 8 and after that I continued working. At 10 Eugene came and we had our lunch. I was happy to have him around all the time. We laughed, ate, kissed and kept talking about the kids. Our relationship was getting stronger, it was no longer just a boyfriend/girlfriend type of a relationship…we were now a family, we were sharing much more than that. After my tea time I continued working. We made plans to go for lunch the following day. I loved the fact that we were giving each other space. It’s good to give one another a breathing space in a relationship…this was making our love to blossom in a most perfect way.

After work I was dead tired and knew that I wasn’t going to cook anything when I got home. So i went to some restaurant and bought myself something to eat and then drove home. I got home and found Rialivhuwa packed at my gate. What the hell was he doing here? And how long has he been standing at my gate? I pressed the remote and the gate opened. Ria drove in first and I followed. I was already in a foul mood, just seeing his damn car at my drive way was driving me nuts. I got out of the car at the same time as him. I walked to him straight away

Me:” what are you doing here? Your son is not here and I am so tired I just want to rest ok?”

Ria:” seeing that you are carrying twins, it all makes sense” he said looking straight at my belly

Me:” straight to the point Rialivhuwa, what are you doing here?”

Ria:” well I want the truth about the twins Andani” noooo not this drama, please not today, I was so not in the mood

Me:” what truth?” I knew what he meant

Ria:” about me being the father of those babies, how far are you and please don’t even think of lying to me again” he had a serious look on his face

Me:” again? You think I lied when I said I was three weeks?”

Ria:” they cant tell if you are having twins at three weeks…its very hard to tell so you lied to me…you are six weeks pregnant and these are my babies…if I am wrong then lets go to the Doctor and I will forget all about this if I am wrong” I looked away while blinking and suddenly feeling scared of him, he had that seriously look on his face

Me:” Rialivhuwa this is my body and…and you’re gonna have to take my word for it ok? I am not going to any Doctor…so now leave” he huffed

Ria:” Andani we are talking about me giving away my two kids to another man here so I am not going to rest until I know the truth about this and if I have to drag your ass all the way to the Doctor then that’s what I will do”

Me:” Ria I don’t want to do this with you ok?”

Ria:” like hell you don’t” he said that and scoop me up went to the passenger door of his car

Me:” Rialivhwua let me go…Ria just stop this madness please” I said and started crying right away….i was scared of him hurting me, him finding out the truth about when the babies were conceived and finally I was scared of Eugene learning about the night I had with Rialivhuwa round at about the same time that the babies were conceived. He put me inside the car and closed the door and I immediately opened it

Ria:” if you know what’s good for you then you’ll stay inside this car Andani, I want the truth about my kids” he was shouting and I knew better than to cross him at this state. I wanted to pull my brave face and threaten to get him arrested but I doubt he was going to listen to me. If by any chance he don’t listen then I would have no power to get him arrested because then Eugene will know about this and obviously Ria will tell him why we were fighting and I didn’t want that to happen. He walked to the driver’s side and started the car

Me:” Rialivhuwa please you are upsetting me ok? You are upsetting my babies” I said crying

Ria:” our babies you mean?” he said looking straight into my eyes

Me:” they are not yours” I sobered my voice while saying that, I wanted to sound a bit convincing

Ria:” let’s find out about that…if you are six weeks pregnant then I will want the paternity tests done as soon as you give birth….i can’t do it now because I don’t want to endanger the babies” he started the car and drove out of my gate.

I didn’t press the button to close the gate because that was the last thing on my mind. I was panicking, in just few minutes Rialivhuwa was going to find out the truth and it was going to mean the end of my relationship with Eugene. I couldn’t lose him, I couldn’t lose my Eugene. I started crying hysterically, Rialivhuwa didn’t even bother look at me, he continued driving. I don’t know but I imagined my life with Eugene gone….i feared to find out what he was capable of, what Tebogo meant….and suddenly I started shaking and was battling to breath. I held my neck with both hands because I felt like someone was chocking me. Rialivhuwa looked at me and realised that something was wrong

Ria:”Andi? Andani babe?” he stopped the car on the side of the road and came to me

Ria:”Andani? Andi what’s wrong?”

Me:” i…i…Ria” and then I was out

Life as we know it

Insert 69

I woke up some time later with water dripping all over my face. What the hell was happening? I asked myself and Rialivhuwa was looking at me with a relieved look

Ria:” Thank God you are up” he said breathing hard. I was lying on the passenger seat which was bent backwards so that I could be comfortable

Me:” uhm wh…uhm” I wanted to ask what happened but it all came rushing back, we were on our way to the Doctor and I knew I still didn’t want to go

Ria:” don’t worry about that, I have to take you to the doctor so that they can check you up”

Me:” no Rialivhuwa I am fine, I am not going to any doctor” I was not setting my foot at any hospital, I couldn’t go because he’d finally learn the truth about how far I was

Ria:” you fainted and I have no idea why so we should get you checked up, I mean what if it affected the babies?”

Me:” I was just a little stressed that’s all ok?”

Ria:” you’ve been stressed before and this never happens so please Andani I will put my agendas aside ok? Just go and you will consult the doctor all on your own I promise, I just want to make sure that the babies are fine….i care Andi” I looked at him and was not sure what to do

Me:” if I say no you will force me anyway, like you did before I fainted”

Ria:” I promise you I won’t, so what is it going to be?” I thought about it, what if something happened to my pregnancy? What if something was wrong? But I was feeling fine like nothing happened so maybe it was just a panic attach

Me:” it’s late and I had a long day at work, I just want to rest right now”

Ria:” are you sure?” I looked at him and nodded. He closed my door and walked to his seat. I adjusted the seat and sat straight. I was wet

Ria:” let me take you home then” he said starting the car. He drove me back to my house. We got there and he drove inside

Ria:” uhm I want to apologise for what I have done right now, I didn’t mean to scare you or to scare the babies ok? The last thing I need is you losing them so for your sake and theirs…I will lay low for now about the paternity because clearly you don’t want to tell me about it but when they are born I will need paternity tests done, but please I don’t want you stressing about it now ok? For the kids. I hate the fact that if the kids are mine I will miss out on the pregnancy but for their safety I will do anything”

Me:” you were there during Omphu’s pregnancy but I am sure you missed the whole of it because you were out gallivanting with the likes of Pearl”

Ria:” seriously? I am trying to change here”

Me:” then you are really struggling at it shame…I mean forcing me into the car and almost killing me today doesn’t look like change is about to happen anytime soon”

Ria:” I really am trying ok? I just hate the fact that you don’t want to tell me the truth”

Me:” I have told you the truth, you just don’t want to believe me” I said and got out of the car, he got out too

Me:” please leave my house ok?”

Ria:” ok I will leave please bear in mind that I am a good father, you know that…I am a great dad to Omphu and I can still be a good father, you don’t have to shut me out”

Me:” leave please” he got inside the car and drove away. I quickly closed the gate and walked inside the house. I felt heavy, like the whole world was shutting me out. Things were spiralling out of control quicker than I had thought they would. I was not prepared to deal with any of this. The thought of losing Eugene and the thought of having Ria in my life again sent shivers on my body. I got to the house, changed my wet clothes and went straight to bed without eating anything. I was suddenly not hungry. I went to bed early but was struggling to fall asleep. Eugene called me and I was not in the mood to chat more so I told him that I needed to rest because I had a long day and he was fine with it.

The following morning I woke up to prepare myself for work. I got to say that I had a very long night. I hardly slept. I was busy thinking and contemplating what to do next from where I stood. I was feeling kinda funny or let me just say rather uncomfortable when I woke. I had a little bit of cramps on my stomach and a bit of headache…I wanted to just spend the whole day in bed but I knew better than that. I was still new at work and couldn’t afford to have a bad record, not on my first month. So I dragged myself to the shower and then after that I got dressed. I drove to work without eating anything, I just drank a glass of water…I was still not hungry and had no appetite. I called Eugene while driving to work just to inform him about how I was feeling. Firstly he wasn’t happy about the fact that I was calling him while on the road and he kinda gave me a lecture on that and secondly he got worried sick when I told him I was sick and insisted that I should report sick at work and go straight to the doctor which I refused because of the same reason I had mentioned before. Since I was refusing that, he insisted on coming to my office at tea time to take me to the Doctor and then I agreed, he said he’d set up an appointment.

I got to work and didn’t feel any better. I walked to my office while greeting everyone I bumped into. I got there and switched on my computer. The first task at hand was checking my emails. I was busy doing that when I saw total darkness while starring on the screen. What the hell was happening? i could hardly see and my head was now pounding so hard, I could hardly read or concentrate. I knew I had to get to the Doctor but I was in no state to drive so I called Eugene who promised to be in my office in less than 30 minutes. I then walked to my manager’s office and explained my situation…well I had to tell him about the pregnancy as well so that if anything like this happens again then he’d understand. I went to my office and waited on Eugene. Eugene arrived just on time

Eugene:” oww my God babe are you ok? I drove as fast as I can” he said breathing

Me:” so you ran all the way through the stairs huh?” I said faking a smile

Eugene:” yeah I did, how are you feeling though?” he was caressing my hair while he was on his knees in front of my chair looking at my eyes

Me:” better”

Eugene:” you are lying…let’s get you out of here quickly”

Me:” I talked to my Manager, he is giving me a day off”

Eugene:” if it’s serious then you are going to quit this job” he said taking my hand helping me stand up

Me:” I will do no such thing” I said with a small voice because I was in pain

Eugene:” Andani I will repeat this for the last time…if its anything serious then you will quit this job…I won’t discuss this with you any further” he had a serious voice which scared me a bit so I chose to keep quiet although I knew I was never going to leave work

Eugene:” I think I will have to carry you out of here” I looked at him and smiled because laughing was painful

Me:” I don’t want to be the talk of this office, I am still new here so please I will walk” he looked at me and smiled

Eugene:” slowly then” the pain was getting stronger and stronger on my stomach… we walked slowly out of my office and all the way to the stairs

Eugene:” mind if I carry you?”

Me:” babe please” I walked slowly with him holding my hand

Me:” ouch Eug-“ I said while trying to reach the following step but I failed to do so

Eugene:” babe?” he didn’t ask no more, he just scooped me up and walked with me to the car, I was in serious pain…what the hell was going on with me? Was it stress? i really should stop stressing for my babies’ sake. We got to the car and he put me inside the car on the passenger’s seat. I looked at him and I saw blood on his long sleeved shirt

Me:” blood…you have blood” I said quietly and slowly because I was in pain

Eugene:” what?” he said looking at himself and he finally saw the blood

Me:” ow my God, I am bleeding? Eugene I am bleeding” I said with tears already coming out

Eugene:” nooooo oww my God nooo” he rushed to the driver’s seat and started the car

Life as we know it

Insert 70

He drove as fast as he could. I was crying holding my belly. I was praying silently…I didn’t want to lose my twins

Eugene:” just stay strong my love ok? They will be fine, you’ll both be fine” he said while driving and looking at me every two seconds. I could see that he was panicking and was trying his best to stay strong. After a very short drive we arrived at the Doctor. He quickly took me out of the car and carried me inside. He didn’t wait for the stretcher or anyone to come assist. We got there and he went straight to the receptionist and explained the situation. The Doctor and two nurses took me to a ward where Eugene was asked to wait outside while they check me out.

Me:” please tell me that my babies are fine please” I said crying

Nurse:” you are pregnant with twins?” I nodded

Doctor:” what happened?” he said taking that listening device thingy that Doctors always carry with them

Me:” I don’t know, I think I was too stressed and I started getting sick this morning...are they fine? Can you feel their heartbeats?” I asked while he was listening from my belly with that device thing

Me:” and?” I was eager to know, my babies can’t be dead, I can’t lose them. He didn’t say anything, instead he ordered the nurse to move the bed a bit closer to the sonar machine. I swallowed so hard, I wished Eugene was here with me for this, I couldn’t bear the suspense. The smeared the gel on me and moved that device on my belly while looking at the screen

Me:” and? Last time I was here you said I was having twins…please tell me they are still there?” I said with tears in my eyes. He looked at me for a brief moment and back at the screen. He moved that thing several times without saying a word or looking at me, he was looking at the screen and suddenly he stopped. He slowly gave me that “I am so sorry” look that Doctors always give out when they are about to give out bad news. I knew that look and I also knew I didn’t want to face it

Me:” nooooo please noooo…don’t say it” I said while crying and covering my face with my hands.

Doctor:” I am so sorry” he said in a low voice.

I felt my life crumbling down and everything in me just broke into smaller pieces and I suddenly I felt empty, Like a very big part of me was taken away unexpectedly…which was true. I sat there with tears in my eyes and stopped crying but just looked into space. I was out of strength, I was numb, I was dying, I could feel the pain throbbing within me and I knew I could do nothing about it than just sit there and carefully feel each and every piercing movement in my heart. I wanted to scream, to jump off the tall building, to get run over by a bus, I wanted to drown….honestly, I was in no state to face this world. I wanted to just vanish and die. The pain was too great, something I wouldn’t wish for even on my worst enemy

Doctor:” should we call your boyfriend in?”

Me:” yes” I said and quickly wiped off all my tears and just sat there like a lost homeless puppy. The Nurse walked out and few seconds later Eugene walked in alone, it was just me, him and the Doctor in the room

Eugene:” how did it go?” he said moving his eyes from the Doctor to me, I couldn’t face him so I looked away instead. In an instant I felt guilty, the thought that he was going to face the same pain as me was unbearable

Doctor:” I am so sorry” Eugene looked at me

Eugene:”Andi?” he had a questioning look, I couldn’t say a word, and tears just started coming out again

Eugene:” noooo, please God noooo” he said that and broke down into a heart breaking cry. I couldn’t bare it, looking at him like that broke me in a way I can’t even explain. That’s one event I wouldn’t want to revisit ever in my life. He walked to the wall, put both his hands against it and looked on the floor and sobbed. There….right there was the moment that took everything in me and drove it through blazing swords and fire while inflicting excruciating pain that I was battling to take. I couldn’t cry, crying wasn’t the thing to do at that moment, I just looked at him and took all the pain that was brought by seeing him like that. It was my fault. He looked up and turned around to look at me…he was still crying, he quickly walked out of the room without saying a word

Doc:” uhm…we will give you a moment and then in an hour or so…we will have to clean you up and give you some medication” he said that and walked out

I thought of Eugene’s reaction and was not sure what to make of it. I understood the part that he was hurt and that’s why he broke down but the look he gave me and the way he stormed out of the room was scary. I don’t know if he was blaming me for losing our twins. I wanted him close to me, I needed him and his touch…at least that was going to help ease the pain I was in. I was still sitting on that same position still starring at the space when the door opened and I when I looked I saw him walking in. he wasn’t crying anymore but his eyes were red. He came straight to me and sat on the bed

Me:” I am sorry” I said looking at my hands

Eugene:” for what? This is not your fault babe”

Me:” they are gone”

Eugene:” I know” he said that and got into bed with me and held me tight

Me:” I thought you were leaving for good” I said and broke down. I held him tight and just wanted to stay there in his arms. I cried so hard, I let it all out at that moment

Eugene:’ I am never leaving you Andi, not even if I wanted to…I love you more every day and with everything that we are going through…you are still the queen of my thrown…still my khaleese” he said rubbing my back while I wail and wail. After a lot of crying I managed to keep quit

Eugene:” I still love you ok? You are still my one and only” he said brushing my hair

Me:” it’s painful in here” I said putting my hand on my chest. I wished for death to come and swallow me, the pain was way too much

Eugene:” I know, I feel just the same….i think it’s the most painful loss I have suffered” he said and wiped his tears

Eugene:” but we got each other right? We will be fine” he said and kissed my forehead

Me:” yeah” we sat like that in silence while he rocked me back and forth. After a while the Doctor walked in

Doc:” I am sorry to interrupt but can we have her please, we need to clean her up and give her some meds”

Eugene:” how long is that going to take?”

Doc:” one hour max”

Eugene:” am I taking her home with me?”

Doc:” tomorrow maybe”

Eugene:” ok I will be outside”

After they had cleaned me up and I had spent some more time with Eugene. I fell asleep with him by my side. I woke up some time later. It was already dark when I woke. Eugene was still here with me. I got out of bed because I wanted to use the bathroom

Eugene:” hey” he whispered in a sleepy voice

Me:” I thought you are sleeping”

Eugene:” where are you going?”

Me:” bathroom”

Eugene:” let me take you”

Me:” its fine, it’s just here” he shook his head and got up and walked with me to the toilet. I got there and did my deed and then we walked back to my room. I sat on the bed while he sat on the same chair he was sitting on

Eugene:” how are you feeling?”

Me:” I am not sure, how long have I been sleeping?”

Eugene:” about 6 hours” what the hell?

Me:” they gave me a sleeping pill?”

Eugene:” they wanted you to rest and I think you did”

Me:” you’ve been here the whole time?”

Eugene:” yeah…Vhusani was here too but we didn’t want to disturb your sleep”

Me:” so you’ve told her?”

Eugene:” yeah I hope you don’t mind” I shook my head. I climbed the bed and sat up with the blankets covering up to my waist

Eugene:” I love you”

Me:” I love you more”