Life as we know it 51-55

Life as we know it

Insert 51

After Eugene and his sisters had left I was in such a good mood so I started cooking supper right away. My son was coming back in an hour or maybe two and I was excited to see him shame…I felt like he was away for longer than just a weekend. I was busy with my cooking when someone buzzed at the gate. I knew that it was Rialivhuwa and I felt the excitement creeping in, I was about to see my baby. I opened for them and within few seconds they were knocking at the door. I opened the door and my son greeted me with a big smile.

Omphu:”mommy”

Me:”boykie” I said laughing and taking him from Ria

Ria:”hi” he was smiling too

Me:”hey come in” we walked into the house and he closed the door

Me:”mhm by the looks of things you guys had a beautiful weekend, it’s just obvious” I said kissing Omphu

Ria:”boys weekend, we had a great one…mhm it smells heavenly in here you are cooking?”

Me:”yeah for my son”

Ria:”wow ok….uhm you are not going to invite me to stay for dinner so I will just ask… can I please join you?” I looked at him smiling expecting him to tell me that he was kidding but with each passing second my smile slowly faded until it was a frown.

Me:”you are serious?” I asked out loud although I felt that it was a bit rude to do so

Ria:”don’t look at me like that Andi, I mean we used to have dinner every night together so its no big deal now is it?” it wasn’t literally every night though

Me:”it…uhm…it kinda is….we are not a family anymore”

Ria:”I know that, you remind me of that every chance you get” I looked away and not at him

Ria:”please Andani I promise you I will behave ok?”

Me:”ok Rialivhuwa you can stay” I took my son’s bag and lead him to the living room. I took Omphu’s bag to the bedroom and then came back to Ria

Me:”I am not yet done cooking so you will have to wait a bit ok?”

Ria:”I really don’t mind” I put Omphu on the floor and walked back to the kitchen, Ria walked after me and followed me all the way to the kitchen.

Ria:”can I help with anything?”

Me:”Rialivhuwa now you are seriously pushing it”

Ria:”what? I am just offering to help”

Me:”no thanks” he didn’t reply but just looked at me and smiled

Ria:”so…you and are Eugene are still fine?”

Me:”yeah we are, what about you and your woman…I don’t even know her, haven’t even met her but I just know that she helped you ended what we had so how is it going?” he shook his head looking away

Ria:”it’s not going Andi, I told you I ended it mus…remember when I wrote the letter, I was telling the truth”

Me:”so are you single? I find that hard to believe though”

Ria:”do you want honesty?” I was busy with my pots, I stopped and looked at him

Me:”you have nothing to lose, I am not yours anymore so yep, honesty”

Ria:”well I am not dating but I have someone that I am sleeping with, she keeps me busy” well I can’tsay I was surprised and I couldn’t even explain how that made me feel, was it jealousy I felt? Or just excitement that he was struggling to find another me? I don’t know which one I felt

Me:”does she know that you are not dating her?” I was looking at him and our eyes met

Ria:” uhm we haven’t discussed it at all”

Me:”ok I see”

Ria:”my life is lonely though, quiet, predictable….its actually boring and dull…I need someone like you…do you have a long lost twin maybe?” he had a smile on his face, like he was trying to make a joke and I found myself giggling

Me:” unfortunately nope, I don’t have a twin” so we chilled and talked and laughed.

Our son was walking around the house screaming and laughing with us. I hate to say this….but I enjoyed the time I spent with him. I hadn’t spent such a long time with him in a while, we’d only meet for few minutes when one of us was taking the child and that was it. spending that time with him reminded me of what we used to have, yes he turned out to be the bad husband but he wasn’t always bad, he had some good in him. When I was done cooking he helped me dish up and we set the table at the dining table and we started digging in.

Ria:”wow I was starving”

Omphu:”I wash shtaving” Ria and I looked at him and laughed

Me:”really boy?” he nodded and we laughed again

Ria:”I beat myself up every damn night for messing this up” he now had a serious face

Me:”Rialivhuwa don’t ruin it” to be honest I was enjoying having my son and his dad in the same room, eating together on the same table, it was beautiful

Ria:”I am being honest though, you are a good woman Andi, all I needed to do was love you but I failed to do that and look at us now? Look at our son? Going up and down every weekend like a yoyo….i love you, I still do” I looked at him for a moment and had so much to say but I chose to keep quiet, I helped my son with his food and ignored Ria

Me:”I think you should finish up and leave”

Ria:”Andani”

Me:”no Ria, we are over and you don’t get to tell me about love ok, I am rea-“  Someone buzzed at the gate. Who could it be? Eugene? Or maybe Vhusani? I prayed that it should just be Vhusani, I couldn’t bear the thought of Eugene finding me here with Rialivhuwa

Me:”excuse me”

I got up and walked to the door. I picked up a buzzer phone, it was a bit dark outside so I wanted to find out who was at the gate

Me:”who is it?”

Eugene:”your man” I froze, Eugene was out the gate and I was in here having dinner with my ex-husband and our son.

Me:”ok you may come in” I pressed the button and let him in. I had no choice, making him wait or telling Ria to leave now was going to seem suspicious and I had nothing to hide. I waited for him to arrive and in just few seconds he opened the door

Eugene:”hey love”

Me:”hey” he kissed me and walked in

Eugene:”well you’ll never believe this”

Me:”what?”

Eugene:”Tebogo and Thaby, they want to come back again nex-“ he looked at the dining table and then back at me….he gave me a questioning look

Me:”uhm Rialivhuwa brought back Omphu and I had just finished up cooking dinner so he asked to join us and I said why not?” I gave him my nervous smile

Eugene:”evening Ria” he said that and headed for the living room

Me:”babe you are not hungry?”

Eugene:”no love I cooked something for myself, I will let you finish up your dinner” he switched on the TV and I immediately felt full, my appetite suddenly died. I walked back to the dining table and sat down. I couldn’t even look at Rialivhuwa anymore.

Ria:”I better leave, thanks for the meal though and for letting me spend the weekend with him, it was great” he said as he was getting up. He took his son and kissed him and then put him back on his chair

Ria:”good night”

Me:”night” he walked out of the door.

I fed my son so that the process of eating won’t take forever, he liked feeding himself but it always took forever and I was eager to spend some time with my man. I was glad that he was chilled though, I expected him to be a bit angry with Ria in my house but again…he surprised me. By the time I was done feeding him he was sleepy, I guessed he was tired. I took him and walked to the living room

Me:”I am just going to put him to bed ok? I will be back within a few”

Ria:”how about I do that for you? You can clean up the kitchen so long”

Me:”thank you” I gave him my son and kissed him and walked to the kitchen. I cleared the dining table and then also washed the plates we used. After that I walked to the bedroom and found my son sleeping with Eugene standing close to his cot bed smiling.

Me:”is he sleeping?”

Eugene:’shhhhh! You will wake him…come” he grabbed my hand and we walked to the living room.

Me:”so how are my sisters?” I said smiling

Eugene:”cut the crap Andani, what the hell was he doing here? Eating supper with you in this house?” for the first time since I had known him, Eugene was pissed.

Me:”uhm Eugene i-“

Eugene:”you what? I’ve been doing my best here, the least you can do is meet me half way Andi” he said walking to the door, crap he was leaving

Me:”you are leaving?” I said with fear in my voice

Eugene:”what do you want me to do? I pitched unannounced and I found you cosy eating supper with your ex-husband and your son, obviously I was not needed here”

Me:”so since you arrived here you were pretending?” I was honestly confused

Eugene:”ow so you expected me to throw tantrums in front of your ex-husband? Well sorry to disappoint Andani” he said reaching for the door.

Life as we know it

Insert 52

I quickly ran to him and held his hand

Me:”Eugene please don’t do this”

Eugene:”maybe I am trying way too hard Andi and maybe you are just not ready for all this” what? What did he mean by that, was he breaking up with me?

Me:”Eugene please don’t do this to me, I love you…I do, I really do please. I won’t repeat what happened here tonight again please it won’t happen again, just come back in” I begged in desperation

Eugene:”that’s the thing Andi, I want you to not want him here that’s what I want. I don’t want you to do it for me but I want you to do it for you, the fact that I found you all cosy in here means a lot to me, it means that you wanted him to be here”

Me:”I am sorry my love I am, I didn’t know you were coming and I didn’t think of how it would make you feel, please forgive me” I was losing my mind and mostly I was scared of losing him, I knew Eugene loved me and he made me sane, made me look forward to each day. Losing him couldn’t happen, I knew for a fact that I was in no state to survive yet another break up, not so soon after Ria and this time around I’d have no one else to blame but my damn self

Eugene:”exactly what I am trying to say, this is not about me or what I want love. it’s about you having dinner with your ex husband and think that there is nothing wrong about it, I love you Andani you know that but….” He trailed off and lost his words. The ‘but’ scared me to death; I feared what he was going to say after that

Me:” but what?” part of me didn’t want to hear

Eugene:”are you sure you are over him? Are you sure you still want this? How sure are you that you won’t break my heart and go back to him? I am a human being too you know and I get afraid at times and Andi this is the moment where I can honestly say I am scared. When I see Rialivhuwa, I see a man you once loved with all your heart, your first everything and the father of your child. And finding him in here with you don’t make things easy for me, I tried my level best to prove to you that I can love you more than he ever did but if he is the one that your heart wants then….”

Me:”then?”

Eugene:” do you love me? Or let me ask this… what do you want?”

I looked at him for a long while and I saw the same thing he was talking about. Fear, he was angry at me yes but the thing that stood out when I looked at him was fear. He didn’t want to lose me as much as I didn’t want to lose him. He was afraid that I’d leave him for Rialivhuwa. He really loved me. I moved closer to him and wrapped my hands around body and rested my head on his chest, I waited for him to wrap his hands around me but he didn’t, he just stood there like a dead pole.

Me:” what I want is you, is us. I am sorry I made you afraid of losing me, I am sorry I made you doubt what we share but this…you…us…this is the most real thing I had ever experienced in my life. I love you Eugene and you bring the best in me, you love me in a way I had only dreamt to be loved. You are all that to me and here in your arms is where I want to be so please hold me” I said and waited for him to hold me, my heart was beating out of my chest because the last thing I needed was for him to lose trust in us. He wrapped his hands around me and I felt at ease

Me:” I am so sorry”

Eugene:” I am sorry too but the thing is, Ria will always be a threat to me and please just don’t make it worse”

Me:” I won’t”

Eugene:” you are the best thing that ever happened to me Andi and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, this is not a game, I am done playing. Right now I want to be with someone I wanna marry, someone I wanna have kids with and that someone is you” was he serious about the marriage issue? Well he sounded serious but hopefully he was not planning on us getting married anytime soon, I needed few years to get to know him, few years to completely forget about the traumatic marriage I was in. we broke the hug and looked at each other.

Eugene:” do you still have some food left?” I frown because he said he just ate

Me:”yes but I thought you said you were not hungry” he smiled

Eugene:” I wasn’t about to share a meal with him…I am actually starving” I found myself laughing unintentionally, his jealousy was kinda sweet

Eugene:” woman do I look funny to you?”

Me:” you are jealous and it’s kinda attractive” he smiled and I walked to the kitchen and dished some food for him. We sat on the kitchen stools while he eats. I was glad that we talked it out; Eugene and I were back to our normal selves again.

Eugene:”so can you ask Rialivhuwa so that we can have the child next weekend? Tebogo and Thaby are coming back”

Me:”that’s fine, consider it done then, I doubt he will refuse” so we spent about two hours together and then Eugene drove back to his place because he said he had some work to do before he goes to the office the following day. I was not too happy with him leaving me but I didn’t say anything to him. I asked myself if it was just work or he had something else to do or someone else to see, I don’t know if I was just being insanely insecure but Eugene always put me first, his work never came after me until now.

I called Tebogo before going to bed. She was happy to hear from and told me all about how they travelled back to Gauteng. We talked about the following weekend and how much were looking forward to it.

Tebogo:”thank you Andi” she said as we were busy with our conversation

Me:”for what now?”

Tebogo:” for loving my brother and for bringing him back to us” ok now she had totally lost me

Me:” I am lost”

Tebogo:” you bring in the best in him, it’s only been few months but you have that effect on him…he is happy, bubbly. He is the same person he once was before he was heartbroken. After the break up with his ex he was strange and it changed him, until you walked into his life”

Me:”ow” that’s all I could manage to say

Tebogo:” he loves you somuch, the way he talks about you….Andi you are lucky to have him, I know Eugene to understand that you shouldn’t worry about anything, I can assure you that you’ve found yourself a true husband in him. If you don’t mess it up then you are on for a happy ride” I smiled

Me:”you really think so?”

Tebogo:”yeah I mean if Eugene wasn’t my brother I was gonna take him for myself, he is too sweet and too selfless….i on the other side keep on bumping into wrong men”

Me:”I am sorry about that”

Tebogo:”ahg don’t be, one day I will find someone as sweet as that brother of mine”

Me:” I am one lucky woman then”

Tebogo:”you truly are” we chatted a bit longer and then said our goodbyes.

The more I got to know Eugene the more I found out that he was way too perfect and that scared me a bit. Not that I was not sure about my feelings for him, I was sure that I loved him but I also knew I had to be a perfect fit for him so I couldn’t afford to mess up or to hurt him for that matter.

Life as we know it

Insert 53

The following morning it was a beautiful sunny morning. I woke up feeling happy. First thing I did was a phone call to Eugene

Eugene:”my darling”

Me:”hey darling how was your sleep?”

Eugene:”lonely and very short”

Me:”don’t tell me you are in the office already”

Eugene:”you know me well sweety”

Me:”but Gee you are over working yourself” he giggled

Eugene:”well I am planning on having a family soon so I wanna work now and when we settle down then I just want to focus on family” I found myself giggling. As much as I was still scared of marriage, the idea of having Eugene by my side 24/7 was tempting. I mean after the conversation with his sister I had realised that I have found myself a jackpot and I had to make sure that I keep it for myself. Eugene was one of a kind, men like him were hard to come by so I had to make him happy.

Me:”mhm if I didn’t know better I was gonna say you are about to propose”

Eugene:”patience sweety love, patience” I felt some butterflies that were followed by this overwhelming excitement. Something was changing in me, I was starting to loosen up, Eugene was changing me, marriage was nolonger as scary, I trusted Eugene to love me well

Me:”I love you somuch you know”

Eugene:”I love you more”

Me:”are you’re coming over today?”

Eugene:”maybe late sweety pie, I will just spend the night…its kinda busy here”

Me:”ow owk let me not eat up your time then”

Eugene:”you never do that”

Me:”ok Eugene I am hanging up now, you need to work” I said smiling and hang up the call. I gotta say that I was entirely happy, Eugene was making me happy

I got up and took a shower and then wore some shorts, it was a warm morning after all. My son also woke up and I washed him too and prepared some soft porridge for both of us. I took my phone and called Vhusani putting it on speaker while we ate

Vhusi:”besty”

Me:”I am not being jealous or anything but I am not sure I like Lala anymore” I said with a straight face nyana

Vhusani:”what now?” she sounded worried

Me:”he is hijacking my bestfriend, when last did you call me Vhusi? Or check on me nje? Or our son for that matter….every time I call you are busy….tjooo huh uh I will burn my house down if you don’t change your behaviour…I demand a change sisi” Vhusani burst out laughing

Me:”I am serious girl don’t laugh”

Vhusani:”you made my morning” we laughed together

Me:”but serious girl, you are abandoning me”

Vhusani:”I am sorry friend, Lalamani keeps me busy ok?” she was laughing

Me:”mhm ok, someone is gonna get pregnant soon”

Omphu:”mama” he said starring at the phone, he used to call Vhusani mama as well

Vhusi:”hey my boy, you miss me?” he giggled

Omphu:”mishuuu” he giggled

Me:”see? Even Omphu misses you”

Vhusani:”don’t worry love, I will make some time”

Me:”I am kidding though friend, as long as you are happy then I am happy…enjoy your love”

Vhusani:”dankie sthandwa”

Me:”now get back to your work, bye bye” we dropped the call and my son and I continued with our meal.

After the meal I cleaned up and then took my laptop. I planned on spending few hours applying for online posts. Omphu was busy playing with his toys. My phone rang, I took it and found that it was Rialivhuwa calling. I ignored his calls because I felt that I didn’t want to talk to him, not after last night. He called again and I still ignored him…again and I ignored him. He called for the fourth time and I gave in and picked it up

Me:”what!”

Ria:”Andi I need to talk to you” he sounded shaken but I was not going to fall for it, I was not going to give him any time of the day

Me:”no Ria what you need is to stay away from me ok? I am starting to feel that being friendly to you was actually a big mistake”

Ria:”Andan-“

Me:”goodbye Ria” I hung up on him and continued with what I was doing.

Few minutes later, maybe about 20 minutes later, someone buzzed at the gate. I was in no mood for visitors and I knew who it could have been. Eugene was at work, vhusani at work so it could only be Rialivhuwa. I went to the buzzer phone and answered

Me:”who is it?”

Ria:”Andi please open up” thank God he was at the gate and not anywhere close to me because he was gonna be my very first murder victim…he deserved to be stabbed with a kitchen knife, that’s how irritating he was. Men like him should just go to the nearest dump

Me:”seriously? Is life really that bad Ria? Leave me alone” I was about to smash the phone back to the wall when he said

Ria:”my mom passed away”

Me:”what?” I felt like I heard wrong

Ria:”she is gone” he wasn’t joking, he couldn’t joke like this. His voice was tired and that only meant that what he was saying was true.

I quickly pressed the button to open the gate and open the door and walked out as well. He drove in and found me waiting at the drive way. I was shaking; I was still trying to process what he told me…His mom passing away. He got out of the car and quickly walked to me. I gave him a hug and just broke down and cried. I felt like I was told that my own mother was gone. Ria must have been an ass but his mom? She was a good woman, she made me feel like her own daughter, she was old fashioned and all but she loved me. We talked on the phone regularly and that’s why I was finding it hard to believe that she was actually gone. I broke the hug and looked at him while I wiped my tears

Me:”I am so sorry Ria…uhm…wh…what happened?” I looked at him and felt sorry for him, the pain of losing a mom is unbearable. I mean i am unable to cope with hearing that his mom is gone, imagine how he must be feeling?

Ria:”she called me last night complaining about chest pain, I didn’t think it was this serious”

Me:”oww my God I am so sorry” I broke down, I couldn’t hold it together, he came close and hugged me again. I felt bad for the way I talked to him earlier on

Ria:”so I just wanted to tell you what happened and that I am driving down right away so I won’t be able to take our son this weekend” what was he talking about? He just came to say goodbye nje? The woman was my mom too, i was obviously going home

Me:”what are you on about? So you just came to say goodbye and that’s it? You think I’ll want to spend the whole week here? She was my mother in law, my son’s grandmother, I won’t miss her funeral”

Ria:”oww that’s kind of you”

Me:” give me few minutes to pack up, we are going home” I quickly wiped off my tears and walked inside the house

Life as we know it

Insert 54

I packed few stuff for me and my son while Rialivhuwa played with our son. I also changed my clothes into something respectful, a maxi dress. I was going home, as in home in Venda and I couldn’t dress up in shorts at a funeral. I walked back to the living room with a luggage bag, a big one. I was gonna be home for a week so I had to take enough clothes.

Me:”I am good to go”

Eugene:”Thank you for doing this”

Me:”anytime” I said walking out with the bag and he followed with our son, after he stepped out I locked the door and took the bag to the car

Me:”you think one car is gonna be fine? I will be home for a week and I will want to move around, I think I should take my car”

Ria:”that’s not necessary, you are welcome to use mine”

Me;”uhm ok” I agreed simply because the timing was inappropriate to start fighting about who drive in whose car

Me:”uhm I just want to make a quick phone call” he nodded and put our son on his car seat while I moved a bit far from him to call Eugene. I know this was not gonna go down very well with me, me driving home with Rialivhuwa after what happened last night but what choice did I have? Ria’s mom passed away and I couldn’t carry on with my life like I never knew her. Eugene quickly picked up the call.

Eugene:”hello sweetheart”

Me:”hey how are you doing?” i was nervous

Eugene:”I am great and you?”

Me:”uhm not so great…Omphu’s grandmother passed away?”

Eugene:”what? Ow my God love I am coming over right now ok?” he was worried

Me:”no no no no not my mom but Ria’s mom”

Eugene:”ow” that was disappointing, his voice sounded really disappointed, i am sure he was not disappointed because my mom didn’t die but because its Ria’s mom we were talking about

Me:”so I am going home”

Eugene:”home being?”

Me:”in Venda, she has been good to me and it’s only fair that I pay my respect”

Eugene:”uhm ok so you are leaving today?”  He really was shocked

Me:” yeah i just wanna help out where i can, it’s the least i can do for her”

Eugene:” uhm ok I will take you to the airport then”

Me:”actually I am driving with Ria”

Eugene:” you are?” jeez the sound of his voice though

Me:” yes” i kept quiet and waited for him to say something but he didn’t. I looked at Ria who was now in the car clearly waiting for me

Me:” babe?” 

Eugene:” i am here”

Me:’ you heard what i said?”

Eugene:” you are driving home with your ex husband and you will be spending the whole week at his place so yeah i heard you”

Me;” Eugene sweetheart i want you to trust me please” he went silent

Me:” please Eugene we are stronger than this, i will come back after the funeral and everything is gonna be fine. I won’t let Ria get to me...i will never go back to him, i belong with you”

Eugene:” and yet you are choosing him right now” what?

Me:’ what? I am not choosing him ok? This is for his mother”

Eugene:” i guess all our plans are automatically cancelled now”

Me:” i am sorry babe i will make it up to you i promise”

Eugene:” ok fine”

Me:” so you are fine?”  I wanted his answer to be a yes because i didn’t want to go to the funeral and then come back and deal with him being angry at me

Eugene:” just go love, what i say or think don’t really matter at this moment” he hung up. What? He just hung up on me. I called him again and he picked up

Eugene:” Andani just go to the damn funeral ok?”

Me:” Eugene do you trust me?”

Eugene:” of course i do”

Me:” so please don’t throw a fit about this i am begging you, i don’t want to be stressed out the whole week thinking about you being angry at me. I want you to trust that i am grown up woman and i know what i want which is you. Ria is no competition, you and him are not on the same class, i love you somuch to throw it away so please let me do this and when i come back i will make it up to you i promise”

Eugene:” ok i am trusting you Andi”

Me:” thank you, that means a lot, i love you”

Eugene:” i love you too...now i gotta go, goodbye” he said and dropped the call. He was still not fine but at least he was better. I walked back to the car and got inside

Ria:” is everything ok?”

Me:” all good” i smiled. He started the car and drove out.

The drive back home was a bit tense. Rialivhuwa was so quiet and looked like he was deep in thought, i couldn’t blame him though, he just found out that his mother died so it all made sense.

Me:” i will be staying at my parents’, i am sure they will be able to borrow me one car to come to your mom’s place every morning” i said as we were driving’

Ria:” you don’t have to go into somuch trouble Andi, it’s quite a distance from your parents’ to my mom’s so you can stay over, i am sure you can find a room” 

Me:” but-“

Ria:” but we are divorced i know that, i won’t try anything with you, the house will be full with family and friends, you know how it is mus”  well he was right, the house will be full of people who came to mourn and eat...that’s usually the case. We got home in Venda in the early hours of the morning. It was quite outside. There was no car at the driveway. Rialivhuwa packed the car and got out and took my bag while i took our son.

Me:” I feel like i will see her”

Eugene:” me too” he looked sad and i bet he wanted to cry but he was just trying to be a man. We got to the house and knocked. Ria’s mom had a descent home, Ria and I built it for her. It was a 3 bed room house which she was sharing with her other son...Ria’s younger brother who was now finishing up high school. I know the gap between them was too big but hey...story of their life. Ria knocked on the door and an old woman came to open...it was one of the old women in the family.

Woman:” oww Rialivhuwa, come in my son”

Ria:” thanks mama”

Woman:” Andi you must be tired hey”

Me:” yeah very”

Woman:” i don’t know where you will sleep, there are people in all the rooms, we didn’t know you were gonna come straight here”

Ria:” its fine mama we will go to our house and we will come back here in the morning...Andani?” the hell did he do that for? He knew i didn’t want that.

Me:” but i though-“

Woman:” i think that’s best, your house is just few minutes’ drive, you will come and help in the morning i don’t think you really should be here now”  i looked at Ria with a wicked look, like i just wanted to jump on his face, i looked back at the woman and smiled

Me:” thanks mama see you in the morning” i turned around and walked back to the car. Rialivhuwa walked with me and we got inside

Ria:” Andani i...”

Me:” don’t!!”

Life as we know it

Insert 55

So we drove to his house, the one that used to be ours. We got there and got inside with our bags and our son. It was obvious that the house had been empty and no people living in for a while but at that moment I was too tired to care about anything.

Me:” I am dead tired I just want to sleep, we will have a long day tomorrow”

Ria:”which room are you using?”

Me:” I will sleep just here on the couch, you can take our son and sleep with him in the bedroom please”

Ria:”Andani”

Me:” like I said, I am tired and I don’t want us to start arguing about our sleeping arrangements”

Ria:”ok “ I gave him our son and he walked to the bedroom with him. I took a blanket we covered our son with while we were driving and covered myself with it on the couch and slept.

That morning Rialivhuwa woke me up while I was still in my deep sleep. We got home in the early hours of the morning so I only slept for just an hour or so.

Me:” we are leaving already?” he seemed ready, like he had taken a shower already

Ria:” you can go to the shower first and then I will be done with breakfast when you finish, you gonna be busy serving other people that you’ll forget about yourself so I thought it’d be better if you eat before we leave”

Me:”oww” I was still sleepy so I didn’t say much.

I walked to the main bedroom where he had taken my bag. I walked to the bathroom and found that he had ran me a bath….the bath was full of bubbled water. I walked out of there as quickly as I could and went to the other bathroom. Our house was a huge house…his house I mean. It was a five bedroom house with one big living room, study room, dining room, a kitchen and a double garage. It was a beautiful home….the décor and everything else in the house was all me, I was the woman behind the décor and the furnishers… looking at it all was a bit painful…maybe not a bit but more. This was my home once, a home I had invested not only my money but my time and to think that one day some woman will come and take it all was painful. I knew the kind of things I wanted done in my house, like how I loved my white carpet in the dining room, it was always the case, I’d change them every now and again but it always had to be white. But now some woman will move in here and put a damn red carpet or green or worse…brown. Just the thought of someone changing everything stung.

I quickly took the shower and got dressed in along dress and I also wrapped a cloth on my head as well, I wore some sandals. I walked out of the bedroom and walked to the living room and all the way to the kitchen.

Ria:”it’s all done, I have fed Omphu some soft porridge so that he won’t bother us that much when we eat, can we have some breakfast?”

Me:”it’s past 8 already and as family we should be there already so I will eat at your mom’s” I said taking the car keys from the kitchen table

Ria:”Andani please”

Me:” I just can’t believe that you are using this situation to your advantage”

I said and walked out hoping that he’d follow shortly, I sat on the driver’s seat. He walked to the car after few seconds and we drove to his mom’s. There were family and relatives around the house. I called Eugene as soon as we arrive because I didn’t want to look like I had forgotten about him. I felt better after talking to him although I could sense that he was a bit unhappy with me. After the call I handed Omphu to some old women who were only happy to see him. Meanwhile Ria had to do real funeral arrangements, like choosing the coffin, the mortuary to be used and all the other stuff. Me on the other hand was being a real makoti. Running around making sure that the food is enough for the people coming in and out, communicating with Ria regarding the things to be done.

It was in the afternoon while I was chilling with some women when my phone rang. I checked the caller ID and it was Vhusani. I walked away from the others to answer the phone, I hadn’t told her where I was

Me:”friend”

Vhusani:” I am standing at your gate and I have been buzzing since last year, where the hell are you?”

Me:” I am in Venda”

Vhusani:”what!”

Me:”Rialivhuwa’s mom passed away yesterday so I am here”

Vhusani:” I am seriously confused friend, I am sorry that Ria’smom passed away but what’s that got to do with you being in Venda right now? Try share some light please, I am in the dark here” ok I could sense that she was now pissed

Me:” Vhusani just calm down ok, you know how good that woman was to me and I had to show some support”

Vhusani:” I thought you said she is dead”

Me:” yes she passed on”

Vhusani:”so you are not showing support to her but to her son….Rialivhuwa…we are talking about the man who literally beat the s*** out of your stupid face Andi, he cheated on you with your junior colleagues, he went further and told you that she was better at it than you…as if that’s not enough suffering already, he left you for some whore and you gave him everything you built together….you gave him two houses love and you walked out of your mansion and stayed in a two bedroom flat and for four months I had to mother your son because you were failing to do it…reason why? You were heartbroken so please Andani I am begging you, remind me again why you should be at Ria’s place today on a Monday while the funeral will obviously be on a weekend, try make me understand this whole idiocy”

Me:” Vhusani please try to understand”

Vhusani:”understandwhat exactly? That you will obviously sleep with him while down there and ruin whatever it is you were sharing with Eugene? That man have ruined your life once and I supported you because he wronged you but if you let him hurt you again Andi it will all be on you, I will blame you” jezzzzz where was all this coming from? Me sleeping with Ria? Why would she think that?

Me:”Vhusani can you please just stop. I understand your anger and your frustrations but who said I will sleep with him? I will never do that. I am only here for his mom and that’s all”

Vhusani:”keep telling yourself that, I know you will tell me all about it, anyway the only thing I feel right now is hatred towards you and your Ria right now so until you are back here, just don’t talk to me” she said that and hung up on me. What? Vhusani was supposed to be my best friend and best friends support each other not act the way she did.

After Vhusani’s phonecall I remembered that I hadn’t informed my parents that I was back home. After the way that Vhusani reacted I was now afraid to call my parents but I knew I had to tell them. I realised that traditionally someone had to inform them of Ria’s mom passing, although the two of us were not together anymore, I felt that it wouldn’t be fair for me to break such news to them so I called Ria instead because he wasn’t home

Ria:”hello”

Me:”uhm hey, sorry to disturb but are my parents aware of anything?”

Ria:”sorry for not telling you, its just that we haven’t really talked but yes some of the elders sent some people to Makhado to inform your parents”

Me:”they haven’t called me yet, do you think they have heard?”

Ria:” yes they have, your mom did call me”

Me:”oww that’s great then, talk later neh?”

Ria:”ok”

We dropped the call and I called my mom immediately

Mom:”hey love”

Me:” mom how are you?” I missed my mom shame

Mom:” what can I say, we just heard the tragic news of your mother in law’s passing” ok the fact that she still called her my mother in law gave me a bit of hope that maybe she won’t snap when I inform her that I was home

Me:”it’s really tragic and that’s why I am back in Venda to help out”

Mom:” you mean you are not in Cape Town?”

Me:” I drove with Ria and we arrived this morning”

Mom:”we? As in together? And the fact that you haven’t showed up here says otherwise as well”

Me:” mom please let’s not do this, I am here for my mother in law, you and I both know how a good person she was, I can’t punish her or fail to pay her respect because of Ria’s doing” my mom breathed

Mom:” I hate to tell you what to do because you are not a little girl anymore but you cried when he left you Andi, like I never heard you cry before and the disrespect and rudeness in that boy when he talked to us when we were trying to get you guys back together is something I will never forget so whatever it is that you are doing, try not to repeat what happened, you can never be in his life again Andani, you just can’t” the pain in my mom’s voice was priceless and it’s something I never wanted to  heard again

Me:”I understand your concern mom but Ria and I are really over and I have moved on”

Mom:”ok if you say so I just feel like it’s too soon for you to be here anyway….can I drive down tonight to fetch my grandson? He can spend the whole week here and we will bring him when we come for the funeral Friday night”

Me:”that would be great I’d love to see you and dad. I think I will drive back home with you and you can borrow me one of your cars tomorrow so that I can come back here”

Mom:” now you are talking, your dad is gonna be so happy”

Me:”see you tonight mom”

Mom:” tonight” this was great;

I was going to spend the evening with my parents at my own home, something I hadn’t done in a while. After talking to my mom and Vhusani I started feeling bad for coming down here though I never saw anything wrong with what I was doing, everyone else thought otherwise. I started thinking about how Eugene must have been feeling and I couldn’t even imagine it, did he also seriously thought I’d sleep with Ria? My mom and Vhusani seem to think so. I decided to call Eugene right away just to inform him that I was going to spend the evening with my parents and that I’d be sleeping at home so that at least he could relax and stop envisioning me and Rialivhuwa in the same house because I was sure as hell that that’s what he was doing because he wasn’t happy at all in the morning when I called him.