Life As We Know It 141-145

Life as we know it

Insert 141

Eugene:” ok I am going to deal with this” he walked but I grabbed his hand

Me:” what do you mean deal with it?”

Eugene:” they have to leave this house tomorrow. My focus is on your safety Andani…I can’t be destructed, not now. I have to focus on what’s happening out there as well, one wrong move and we are all dead…this is no joke or some kind of a game ok? Gola is dead and wherever his brother is, he is angry and obviously looking for blood. That’s why I want you around me…just here in Cape Town where I can have you guarded at all times. So imagine having your sister and her husband here? I will lose focus and before I know it…we are all dead. I have to be on the lookout remember?” he was whispering. Gosh was it this bad? i never thought it was this serious and that’s mainly because Eugene was acting all strong as if nothing was happening

Me:” ok I get it, just don’t be rude…you can’t tell them straight up that they have to leave” he rolled his eyes taking his hand off mine

Eugene:” do I look stupid to you? Huh” nkosi yam what did I do now? Why is he like this? It’s not like I called my sister over

Me:” of course you are not” he walked away shaking his head.

I dished up the food and put everything on a tray and walked to the lounge. I put the plates on the table and went back for the drinks and then come back to the lounge. I handed each person a plate and we all started eating

Eugene:” I don’t even know how to put this” he said with a smile looking over at my sister and my husband...they were sharing a couch while I shared mine with Eugene

Mulalo:” what’s wrong?”

Eugene:” well…uhm we were…uhm are leaving for a vacation tomorrow…we are going to Mexico”

Rinae:” what?”

Me:” the thing is we didn’t know you were coming guys” I had to play along here

Mulalo:” oww…that’s…”

Eugene:” I know guys but I promise to make it up to you when we come back”

Rinae:” it explains why Andani has been so inquisitive to us neh? You wanted to find out if we are leaving”

Me:” guilty as charged, I didn’t even know how to tell you. Eugene was wrapping up on work today so that we don’t get interrupted by work phone calls”

Rinae:” oww shame…so you kids want to fly off to Mexico huh? My love we should let my sister be hey” she said the last part looking at her husband. There…thank you God for this…I actually wanted to sing a ‘praise and worship’ song at that moment, that’s how thankful I was. At least my sister will leave in one piece.

Mulalo:” we are all for happy couples so who are we to stop you”

Eugene:” ahhh thank you, I thought that maybe you were going to take this the wrong way you know”

Rinae:” no we totally understand…so babe we leave tomorrow morning then?”

Mulalo:” yep tomorrow morning…we will drive around and see the city and then hit the road”

Eugene:” we are really sorry for this”

Me:” next time when you want to visit let us know so that we can make sure that we are available”

Rinae:’ don’t worry about it, we didn’t expect you guys to just drop everything for us, it was a surprise after all”

So we spent the whole evening together talking and laughing. It was great seeing my sister. I was happy to be with her and I was happy that she was leaving so I didn’t have to worry about her safety. It was late in the evening when we both said goodbye and I showed my sister and her husband to their room. Eugene and I went to our room

Me:” finally” I said closing our bedroom doors

Eugene:” and now?”

Me:” I love my sister God knows I do but damn that woman can talk babe yohh” Eugene laughed

Eugene:” to think that you grew up with her” I laughed

Me:” I was used to her then” I walked to him

Eugene:” I am sorry about how I talked to you earlier on ok? Things have just been a bit hectic”

Me:” I think we could use a bubble bath don’t you think?”

Eugene:” sounds like a good idea, I could use some time with my fiancée and our baby” he scooped me up and we laughed. He walked with me to the bathroom

Eugen:” I wonder if I’d still be able to carry you when you are big bellied you know”

Me:” seriously? Are we going to talk about me being big? Babe you can’t say that to a woman” he laughed

Eugene:’ ok ok that’s off the limit” we got to the bathroom and he helped me out of my clothes

Eugene:” hahhhh my one and only” he stood from a distance and just looked at me

Eugene:” you are beautiful babe, you really are”

Ok I felt shy…I couldn’t even look at him. I was no model or a virgin for that matter…I was a mom meaning that I didn’t have a tennis-like boobs, I had a bit of stretch marks on my tummy…although my body still looked fine, having him look at me like that was a bit uncomfortable but it was in the way that he was looking at me that even with my wet all-star boobs I still felt beautiful and I felt loved and that was enough to build my confidence back. Apart from all the other stuff happening, Eugene was still the best man anyone could ever ask for. He leaked his lips and melted into his shy smile…vhathuwele what was happening here? All of a sudden we can’t even look at each other huh? Ndo lufukula hafha nne

Eugene:” just stand there” he went to switch on the water in the bath

Eugene:” while we wait for it to be full…can I just look at you?”

Me:” but Eug-“

Eugene:” don’t Eugene me please” gosh this guy though…he was full of surprises

Me:” ok uhm ba-“

Eugene:” don’t do that either” I gave him my frustrated frown

Eugene:” I just want to look at your naked body, is that soo wrong?” excuse me but I couldn’t help but giggle. Eugene was so weird man, he was weird in so many ways but I loved him still. What was this thing of him just wanting to look at me? What’s up with that?

Me:” ok I know I am not supposed to talk but can you take your clothes off so that we can sort of just look at each other?” he let out a smirk which later turned into a loud laugh

Me:” you are laughing and I don’t get why” I was trying so hard not to laugh. If he can do the staring thing then I could also do it…we can just look at each other

Eugene:” ok…let’s do this” he took off his clothes with his eyes not leaving mine

Me:” you love to play games huh?” he smiled

Eugene:” not games…I just love my wife enough to want to enjoy her and right now I just feel like staring at you. All of you. Lot of things can happen anytime Andi but I want us to have as many memorable memories as we possibly can ok?” I nodded.

He took off all his clothes and he stood across the room and we just stared at each other. No smile nothing…just looking at each other. I looked him up from his head to his toes. Lord take me now…Eugene was just cute, I couldn’t find any fault on his body, he was just a perfect person….maybe the saying “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” is right hey, I was seeing a perfect person because he was mine. And then I looked at his…you know…his parcel and I couldn’t help but smile. At that moment I thanked Kat for doing whatever she did for them to end up not together. I thought of the fact that he was all mine, everything of him was mine…I felt proud and more in love, like I could do anything for him

Eugene:” you are smiling”

Me:” you too”

Eugene:” oww am i?” I nodded

Eugene:” mind to tell me what you are thinking? This is the longest anyone has ever looked at me the way you are looking at me”

Me:” so you’ve done this before? Just not for a long time?” he smirked

Eugene:” nahh this is my first…so what are you thinking?”

Me:” i feel proud that you are all mine”

Eugene:” mhm well I can’t believe that all that is mine”

Me:” mhm I love that smile you have there” he chuckled

Eugene:” I just want to have sex with you right now” I laughed out loud

Me:” I’d prefer “make love” instead of “have sex””

Eugene:” oww correction, I just want to make love to you right now”

Me:” well, I want to give you a head” I giggled, he gave me his naughty smile

Eugene:” I want the boobies” ok this was insane

Me:” let’s just get in the water…don’t you think?” he was giggling

Me:” bubble bath it is”

The following morning we woke up early. We went to the kitchen and started preparing breakfast for our guests. Well I was busy with breakfast while Eugene was on his phone talking to God knows who.

My sister and her husband left our house at around 8 in the morning…that was after the breakfast. We told them that our flight was leaving at 11

Me:” they are gone” I said as soon as their car drove out”

Eugene:” and we can’t risk running into them anywhere in town”

Me:” but you have to work”

Eugene:” don’t worry about me I can work from home…as long as I have you and our baby to keep me company” he had that naughty smile on. I walked to the house and he followed me

Me:” I thought you were in the middle of a war zone and you had to be busy with work”

Eugene:” babe I don’t think that guy is going to attack now…if he is as clever as I hope…he won’t come to me now, he should know that at this time I am having my guys sniffing around and I am being extra careful because I am obviously expecting revenge of some sort…so chances are that he will only attack after some time…he will wait for me to relax”

Me:” for our sake I hope you are right”

Eugene:” trust Mrs Sobukwe…trust” we laughed and walked to the lounge together.

We spent the whole afternoon together. I was watching my series while Eugene was working on his laptop. He was spending most of his time on his phone…he would get up and answer his phone away from me at times but I was really not bothered, I trusted him and I also knew that not everything was for me to know. I was not paying attention to his calls until I heard him shout on the phone. I looked at him and his phone was scattered on the floor because he threw it against the wall. I looked at him not understanding what just happened. Looking at him I could see that he was pissed…well maybe beyond pissed. I could see his chest expanding and then fall back into place, expand and then fall back into place. His eyes became red and I swear he looked darker than he actually was. He looked at me and just blinked. He was not angry…no, this was not anger…this was pain coupled with fear…what happened? Why was he so scared?

Me:” uhm babe?” he looked away as if he was struggling to breathe…oww my God what happened?  I got up and walked to him

Me:” Eugene you are scaring me…what is going on?”

Eugene:” its…uhm…Tebogo” I raised an eyebrow

Me:” what happened to her” he took my hand and pulled me to the couch and sat me down. He pulled out a brave face trying to hide the fear and pain

Eugene:” you can’t stress about this ok? Andani we can’t lose this baby so I don’t want you to stress about whatever it is that I am going to tell you”

Me:” Eugene just tell me what is going on already”

Eugene: “she….” He swallowed and blinked….owww no…owwww no she didn’t…I covered my mouth with my hands and like a river my tears started flowing

Life as we know it

Insert 142

Me:” Eugene wh…what ac…actually happened?” I was looking at him with tears in my eyes. He cupped my face and gave me a peck on my mouth

Me:” Eugene what happened?” I was losing my patience here. He gritted his teeth and looked at me

Eugene:” please promise me you won’t stress too much, try and be strong” I rolled my teary eyes

Me:”f*** it just tell me” I was now pissed as well as scared

Eugene:” she is gone Andi…Tebogo is gone” he said looking straight into my eyes. I felt my blood being drained out of my body even though I was no yellow bone I swear I turned pale. I blinked several times not being able to make sense of what he had said. I felt my head suddenly spinning

Me:”w…w…Eugene what are you saying?” I struggled to say the words, it was hard to even mouth them

Eugene:” they killed her” he said through gritted teeth again and I could see a line forming on his forehead…

Me:” owww noooo…Eugene nooooooo”

I broke down right there and then. I felt the air immediately leaving my body leaving me gasping for air. I couldn’t believe it. I cried with him holding me into his arms. I felt this sharp excruciating pain and I could see her in front of my face, I didn’t want to believe that she was gone, that I was never going to ever see her again…Lord what did we do to deserve this? I couldn’t breathe, I struggled to breathe and Eugene noticed that and looked at me with fear in his eyes

Eugene:” babe? Andi? Andani please try to breathe” I blew out some air as I try my level best to breathe…his one hand was at the back of my neck and the other one on my chest

Eugene:” you are ok?” I nodded still crying. I looked at him and s*** Eugene wasn’t crying…he was as rigid as f***…no emotion…nothing. He stood up

Eugene:” can I borrow your phone? …uhm I don’t think mine is going to recover from that” he said pointing at the pieces of his phone

Eugene:” I have to make few business calls” I wiped off my tears while sniffing and looked at him. I couldn’t believe that he was doing this…this was his sister and he was just going to start working? No crying…nothing?

Me:” what are you doing?” I said in my most tired voice

Eugene:” I have no idea what you are on about…anyway start packing up few things…we are leaving for Joburg” I looked at him in disbelief

Me:” Eugene you just told me she is gone” I was still wiping off the tears, they were still flowing, I couldn’t believe that she was really gone

Eugene:” and life has to move on…I have a funeral to plan and a revenge to set up” was he this stone hearted? Not to cry for his sister? is this what he’ll do when I die? No wonder he was ready to let me die

Me:” Eugene you don’t have to be Sir Gee right now….you lost your sister…you are allowed to grieve, you are allowed to cry” he looked away

Eugene:” where is your phone?” I stood up and walked to him. I stood in front of him still wiping off the tears. Honestly speaking I don’t know where I was getting the strength to do this with him…I mean I was in so much pain and still in shock and all I wanted to do was roll on the floor crying and messing up my hair and just scream and cry as much as I wanted…that’s really what I wanted to do…not this

Me:” look at me” he looked at me

Eugene:” Eugene I know  that all you want to do is go out and hunt whoever is responsible for this but she is your sister, don’t she deserve you to at least cry for her? or just to sit down and not be a boss for a while and just be her sister…you loved her Gee, you can’t just continue with things as if she meant nothing” he covered his face with his hands

Eugene:” I don’t want you to stress…I can’t afford to lose anyone else Andi” he removed his hands and looked at me…his eyes were now red

Me:” Eugene I will be fine”

Eugene:” this is my fault…this is all f*****g me” he looked at me shaking his head and I saw tears coming out. I looked at him and swallowed as I fail to contain myself

Eugene:” I can’t even explain what I am feeling…I want to pretend like….like…it didn’t mean anything…I just want to try and supress what I am feeling, is that so bad? I can’t handle this Andani…this is too much…I got my baby sister killed”

He fell down on his knees and sobbed. I just stood there feeling numb and motionless. He wrapped his hands around my legs and laid his head against them and sobbed. It was one heart-breaking sob, it was something that I can’t even explain...he cried like a baby…it was the most heart-breaking thing to witness. I just stood there crying and brushing his head…for once in my life I couldn’t find the right choice of words; I didn’t know what to say to him.

Eugene:” it hurts Andi…it hurts so bad…I will never see her again…ow my God what did I do?” s*** I couldn’t, oww my God this was beyond me.

Me:” cupcake it’s not your fault” he let go of me and sat there still on his knees. I went down on my knees too

Eugene:” you don’t get it Andi…I knew that someone was on to me but what did I do? A stayed here and forgot about them. I had some strangers looking after my sisters…I should have at least called them to come down here”

Me:” I am so sorry” I hugged him.

Eugene:” Tebogo is gone” he sobbed so hard. I sat there and hugged him so tight. He cried for a very long time and then he stopped. He broke the hug and looked at me. We were still sitting on the floor

Eugene: “your phone please” his voice was hoarse and he still had that “I still want to cry” look on his face

Me:” bu-“

Eugene:” please…I just want to talk to Lusani”

I got up and took my phone and went to the scattered pieces of his phone and took his simcard and then came back and sat on the floor with him

Me:  here” I handed him my phone and his simcard. He inserted his simcard in and switched on the phone. We waited for a while and I heard the ping indicating that an sms came through. He was busy pressing the phone and then he stared at it for a while and I can’t even explain his facial expression. He raised his hand wanting to throw my phone away but I think he remembered that the phone was not his. I took it away from him and checked what was on the screen. It was an sms

“You killed my brother and it was only fair for me to kill your sister. Blood for blood. We are even now, it’s done…I won’t fight you if you stay down” I looked away and again I didn’t know what to say to him

Eugene:” phone” I gave him the phone. He dialled a number and put the phone on his ear

Eugene:” Luu…Tebogo is gone…dead…we leave for Joburg in an hour…I will drive with Madam and I am not sure who you’ll want to take….not now maybe later. It’s his brother, yes…sure” he gave me the phone and took a deep breathe

Eugene:” I want this to be a dream, I want this to be one of those nightmares that I usually have” he stared at me frowning

Me:” I am so sorry sweetheart I really am” I had stopped crying now

Eugene:” I let her down…I let all of them down…I can’t even begin to imagine how Thabeleng is right now…Andani this is going to drive her crazy if not kill her. That child has lost enough people in her life” he had had tears threatening his eyes

Me:” should I start packing?”

Eugene:” please do”

I was walking to the closet when I turned around and looked at him…he was still sitting there looking into space… I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be ok but that was a big lie. Nothing was going to be ok, Tebogo was not coming back so this was not going to be ok, at least not now. I was just relieved that now he was not bottling things up, at least he was showing his emotions. I took a bag and packed everything I thought we were going to need. I walked out of the closet and found him still sitting there. I put the bag on the floor and walked to him. I sat next to him again

Me:” we can stay here a little longer if you want”

Eugene:” I should be ordering people around right now, making plans to kill that guy and every little thing linked to him, I should be making plans to do that, I should be finding out who slipped up for my sister to get killed, who didn’t do their job properly and I should be killing them myself…but…I don’t have the strength for any of that cupcake, I just want to go home and sit with Thaby, I want to hold her and be sure that I am not losing her too…I want to make her feel better…Andi I want to see my sister’s body and apologise for failing her, I just want to go home” even the strong ones become weak sometimes, even the strong ones have their own weaknesses

Me:” let’s go home then”. This was bad, really bad…I don’t know if we were ever going to recover from this.

Life as we know it

Insert 143

He took the bag i had packed for us. It was mostly my stuff, I knew that Eugene had enough clothes that side. So it was our toiletries and my clothes. We left the house and went to the AMG. We were about to get in the car when a car hooted at the gate. Eugene pressed the remote and the gate opened. A car drove in as we waited. It parked just before my AMG. Katlego got out of the car…ahg bitch please. She frowned as she looked to my car and then she snapped out of it

Katlego:” Thaby gave me a call” she said walking to Eugene with her worried face on

Eugene:” ow”

Katlego:” I am so sorry…Eugene I am so sorry, i...i feel like I have failed you. I should have known that he’ll go for your sisters” the hell?

Eugene:” there was no knowing…I didn’t think of it too”

She walked to him and gave him a hug…it was more like a forced hug. I blinked several times looking at them. I walked back to the house…I couldn’t deal with Kat, at least not today…not with Eugene so stressed out, we had important things to worry about than Kat. I went to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. I poured the water on the glass and dawned it. A glass of water is exactly what I wanted... I stood there leaning against the kitchen table and then walked out and I got the f****g shock of my life when I found Eugene and Kat kissing…I almost fainted…really I lost balance and stood there looking at them unable to move or say a word. They didn’t stop…they continued kissing and Eugene seemed like he was enjoying it. I regained some strength and walked to them.

Me:” I think it’s time for you to leave Kat”

I said in a very strong unshaken voice. I was not about to let this girl ruin my day even more, I wasn’t about to act all crazy and give her exactly what she wanted, I wasn’t about to act weak in front of her. But my inner person was kicking and screaming and wishing I could grab Kat by her weave and beat the s*** out of her. lord give me strength…Good God I need strength to deal with this….Gosh I need strength to do this…they immediately stopped and I looked at Eugene who wouldn’t even look at me. By now my heart was beating out of my chest…I wanted to breakdown and cry but I reminded myself that I had to be strong. I understood why Kat kissed him…I mean this is Katlego people she’s always wanted him but him? I didn’t understand why he did it. If this is what happens when he is stressed out then I don’t know.

Me:” Kat we want to leave and you are on our way” I said looking at her car

Kat:” i am really sorry about Tebogo….i will see you tomorrow” so she was going to Joburg?  She gave him a peck on the mouth and walked to her car and drove away. I stood there and looked at Eugene who looked away. I didn’t even know where to begin or what to say

Eugene:” I am sorry” he whispered… I felt like exploding

Me: “why?” my tears betrayed me…I started crying

Me:” why Eugene? Why are you doing this to me? During this time and you choose to do this?”

Eugene:” she kissed me” what? I went to him and slapped him on the face…he gave me a horrified look and I slapped him again…he still looked at me like he buried me yesterday so I gave him another slap

Me:” I understand your sister died but you don’t go around kissing your ex Eugene…in my presence even? I am here with you and you are kissing her?” I said crying

Eugene:” like I said sh_”

Me:” she f*****g kissed you…what are you? Five years? You can go around killing and cutting people but you can’t stop a woman from kissing you? That girl never made a secret of the fact that she still wants you back but you keep on allowing her back in our lives all the time. Eugene if you keep this up then I will do what you did to my ex… I promise you I will” I said that and walked to the car and just cried…I was crying for Tebogo, for the fact that she died, for the fact that her brother was being a complete arse, for the fact that I was scared of losing him to her, I felt scared that maybe they shared way more than what he was willing to admit to me…everything seemed wrong, my whole life seemed wrong…I gave Eugene too much credit I guess. I never thought he’d do this, not with me around.

Eugene:” Andi I am sorry”

Me:” I am sorry for loving you…I am sorry for loving someone who is still hung onto their ex…I am sorry that I am going through all this terrifying s*** for someone who still wants his ex. Is this how it’s going to be? Every time something heart-breaking happens should I expect you to run to her for a kiss or for more than that? You did this knowing that I was just in the house, what could have happened if I wasn’t here? Eugene mara why?”

Eugene:” babe i-“

Me:” we are not talking about her anymore…lets go” I held out my hand for him to give me the car keys. Dammit I could barely stand…it was as if my blood were going in reverse, I had this funny feeling on my body, I couldn’t even understand what was going on. And then I remembered the baby, f*** it I am not supposed to stress or else I will lose the baby. Why was he making this so difficult? Why?

Me:” I will drive” it goes without a saying that Eugene was not himself and having him drive such a long distance didn’t cross me as a very bright idea. I knew that if he was to drive then we’d be in Joburg in just 6 hours, I didn’t want to hold my breath wondering if I will make it alive all the way to Joburg. Although I was stressed out, at least I could still drive better than him…or so I thought

Eugene:” no I am driving”

Me:” Eugene I don’t th-“

Eugene:” cupcake don’t…I have been under pressure before and been hurt before and through all of that s*** I’ve been driving my own car”

Me:” and kissing your ex’s” he gave me a “please don’t” look. I shrugged my shoulders

Eugene:” but I tried to explain and you won’t let me”

Me:” what’s there to explain…you kissed her, now drive the damn car…I mean that’s what you want right? “ I got inside the passenger’s seat and he got inside the driver’s. He started the car and we drove off

I took out my phone and sent Vhusani an sms

“Eugene’s sister Tebogo passed away, we are on our way to Joburg as we speak. Please friend if you can be able to take leave from work, do so and follow me. I’ve never seen Eugene like this, he is in pain and acting crazy and I don’t even know what to do. I will need you for moral support. I am trying my best not to take all this to heart. I can’t lose the little one”

I pressed send and looked out the window as the car flew off the streets of Cape Town. i was not going to let the kiss with Katlego bother me too much, yes I was disappointed and felt disrespected for him to do this to me but that’s what Kat wanted me to feel…she wanted to drive a rift between us during the time where Eugene is at his most vulnerable, she wants me to push him away so that she can step in and be there for him…well too bad for her because that was not going to work at all. I was angry at him for what he did but it was a kiss people, I wasn’t going to risk losing something I worked so hard for over a kiss. I wasn’t going to let it slide, I’d deal with the whole Katlego saga after the funeral but right now we had more pressing matter to deal with. I sent another sms to my sister as well

“Hi Rina…Eugene’s sister Tebogo passed away. We are on our way to Joburg right now, we couldn’t go to Mexico after hearing the news. Please inform mom and also just come by when you heard back home” my phone rang immediately…it was Vhusani

M:” hello” my voice was down

Vhusani:” oww my God Andani I am so sorry…how is he?”

Me:” just like I explained on the sms” I didn’t want to start talking about how Eugene was with him beside me. Men don’t even like us talking about them with our friends

Vhusani:” I can’t even imagine how you guys must be feeling…uhm I will try fish for a leave tomorrow at work. If I succeed then I will surely follow you”

Me: “thank you”

Vhusani:” try and be strong for him Andi…that’s his sister so obviously he is really affected” well she had no idea how affected he was…let alone how he was pinning everything on himself like he killed her himself. It hit me that I didn’t even know how Tebogo died. Unless he decide to tell me without asking but it was not something that I can ask him about. I heard the beep beep sound signalling that another call was coming through

Me:” I have another call coming through Vhusi, can you please hang up?” she dropped her call and I picked up a call from my sister

Me:” Rina”

Rinae:” Andani I am so sorry…oww my God how is he?”

Me:” you can only guess Rina”

Rinae:” shame…how old was she again?”

Me:” 26, uhm I have to go…we are on the road”

Rinae:” uhm ok fine…we will be driving up to joburg shortly ok? I love you baby sis and please support him”

Me:” thank you” I dropped the call. Eugene gave me one evil look and the looked straight ahead.

Eugene:” so the whole world knows about it already?”

Me:” it’s not the whole world… it’s my sister and Vhusani…they are the only people I told and I did so because we do need their support”

Eugene:” you do know that this is my sister right? It’s my sister who died and you don’t have to try and hijack the whole thing” there goes a stab in my heart

Me:” I am not hijacking anything Eugene. Just because you feel guilty about losing her doesn’t mean that some of us are also not in pain. I loved her, she loved me. She was like my little sister…a little sister I never had Gee. I am going to miss her too you know. I am as hurt about this as you are and I am trying my level best to support you here…and what do you do? Kiss your ex and try your level best to be an arse to me” I wanted to cry but I didn’t

Eugene:” I am sorry, I get it…I am just…”

Me:” you are just being an arse I know” I angrily looked away

So we got to Joburg in the early hours of the morning. We were silent throughout the whole drive. We both got out of the car as soon as he pulled up. We stood outside and looked at the house. I walked to him and took his hand and just looked at the house with him. He squeezed my hand.

Me:” come here” I opened my arms for a hug and he hugged me so tight

Eugene:” I want it to be a prank, I want to find her in there cooking or watching TV or fighting with Nthabeleng” he said while in my arms

Me:” we all want that”

Eugene:” I don’t know how I am going to come out of this Andi…the guilt that I am carrying is eating me up and I feel that I deserve it”

Me:”no no no Eugene don’t do this to yourself”

Eugene:” I deserve to feel every little bit of pain that I am feeling right now…I deserve it” I broke the hug and looked at him

Me:” you don’t mean that”

Eugene:” how many people have I killed before? How many people have I tortured? How many kids have I left fatherless? How many kids did I leave motherless because their mothers are working in my brothels? How many futures have I ruined because somehow the kids have been recruited to sell drugs that are being distributed by me? I have done some unspeakable things in this world Andi…and it’s a pity that my sister had to die for it…its Karma” there was real sadness and pain in his voice

Me:” I don’t believe any of that…come…lets go” I took his hand and we walked to the door

I unlocked the house and we walked in. there was obviously no one in the living room. Thabeleng was obviously sleeping. I wondered who else was here. We walked past the lounge and Eugene led the way to Thaby’s room. He opened the door and walked in. I walked in slowly and closed the door. I stood against it looking at Thabi who was sleeping with two girls that I didn’t know. I suspected that they were her friends. He looked at the girls and then at me

Me:” let them rest” I whispered. We were tiptoeing when she said

Thaby:” Eugene?” we both turned around and looked at her. She was still sleepy, she looked at us as if she couldn’t believe that we were really here

Thaby:” Eugene?  You are back?” she said with her sleepy voice. She got out of bed

Thaby:” Eugy” tears threatened her eyes quickly. Her eyes were swollen, she’s obviously been crying

Eugene:” come here” she ran to him and he scooped her up and she wrapped her legs around him and sobbed

Thaby:” She’s gone, Eugene Tebogo is gone” she said crying

Eugene:” I know baby”

Thaby:” it hurts Eugene…it hurts so much…I just want it to stop...i want her back” I stood there with tears on my eyes, I couldn’t keep it together. I wanted to cry out loud but I couldn’t…this was not my platform to do that…I had to try and be strong for them

Eugene:” I know baby” he brushed her hair as she rested her head on his arms and her hands wrapped around his head. I looked at that…a brother and a sister grieving for their sister….it was heart-breaking. He put her down and looked at her

Eugene:” everything is going to be fine ok?”

Thabi:” it’s not…you said the same thing after mom and dad died and I spent months crying for them…missing them…I still miss them. How in a world am I supposed to accept and forget this?” she said trying to wipe the tears that were still flowing

Eugene:” come here” he hugged her and she sobbed in his arms. He looked at me and our eyes met. I wiped my tears quickly. He gave me a helpless look and shrugged his shoulders…he really was tired and I could see that he wanted to cry but was just trying to stay strong for her

Me:’ I will be in the bedroom” I decided to give them some time together. Eugene nodded and I left.

Life as we know it

Insert 144

I got to our bedroom and sat on the bed as I wait for him. The stress I had was too much and I feared to lose my baby. I went to the bathroom and took off my clothes and got inside and put on the cold water. I needed the cold shower to make me feel alive, to make me feel better, I hoped that it was going to work at least. I was just standing in the shower when Eugene walked in and stood there with his hands folded on his chest

Eugene:” I don’t see any steam...is that cold water?” he looked shocked. I didn’t say anything…I hated him so much…I wanted him to stay away from me, I didn’t want him anywhere near me but then again I didn’t want to push him to her, I also didn’t want to lose him

Me:” yes its cold water” I finally managed to say . He just stood there looking at me, I got out of the shower and dried myself with a towel

Eugene:” I am sorry”

Me:” what are you talking about?” I finished drying myself and walked to the bedroom and he followed me

Eugene:” about earlier on…about Kat…cupcake I am really sorry…I don’t even want to give an excuse because nothing can excuse what I did” I went to the closet and took out his underwear and his t shirt

Me:” I don’t even want to talk about that right now Eugene…you keep on hurting me day in and day out. I am starting to think that this is something I should get used to…so the kiss discussion is over”

I wore his underwear and his t shirt and hoped onto bed. He took off his clothes and came to bed behind me and hugged me. I lay there feeling his touch on me and couldn’t stop the tears that were coming out. I cried because I knew that I loved  him so much, because I loved the feel of his body against mine, because up until few hours ago I was sure that I was the queen of his universe but right now…the lines were blur and I wasn’t so sure anymore

Eugene:” I love you” I couldn’t say it back….i let the tears fall and made sure that I don’t make a single sound so that he don’t realise that I was crying. Talking was surely going to give everything away.

Eugene:” thank you for everything Andi…for the support and for being there for me” I still said nothing. He turned me around before I could even be able to stop him.

Eugene:” you are crying” he said as soon as I looked at him

Me:” I just want to sleep”

Eugene:” cupcake” he was looking straight into my eyes

Me:” right now I don’t feel like your cupcake” he looked at me with pain in his eyes. He leaned over to my face and leaked off my tears. I wanted him to do more than just that, I wanted him so bad but I had no strength to actually do anything with him, I was hurt

Eugene:” I am sorry…I really am”

Me:” let’s just sleep” he hugged and me and we slept.

I was woken up by him crying. I woke up and looked at him…he was deep in his sleep but sobbing and calling his sisters name and then mine. I knew what this meant…even with me around…the nightmares were back. This must have really affected him. I shook him but he kept on crying

Me:” Eugene…cupcake…babe please wake up” I shook him up until he woke up. He sat up, looked at me and then took me in his arms and sobbed. I hugged him tight and rubbed my hands on his back

Me:” shhhhh everything is going to be fine” we sat there in each other’s arms as he cry. After a while he finally got hold of himself.

Me:” are you ok?”

Eugene:” I think so” he said not looking at me

Me:” do you need anything? Should I get you some water? Or maybe tea?”

Eugene;” no thanks I am fine…Andani you are too good to me…I am so sorry about what I did” I shook my head

Me:” no need…I am good for sleepless nights and making you better…but I am not good for everything now am i?”

Eugene:” babe…”

Me:” back to sleep please”

The following morning I woke up and he was still fast asleep. I decided not to wake him…he was tired and really needed some rest. I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower and then wore the same outfit I was wearing when I arrived. I walked out of the room and to Thaby’s room. She was up and just sitting on the bed with her friends

Me:” morning girls” I said with a smile

Thabi:” hey Andi” she got out of the bed and came to me for a hug

Thabi:” I am sorry I didn’t talk to you when you arrive”   

Me:” it’s all chilled love…I understand” she broke the hug and looked at me…she had a bit of smile so I was happy that maybe she was feeling better. We walked out the room

Thaby:” I have something to tell you”’

Me:”ow?”

Thabi:” I kinda called Katlego yesterday and she said she is coming…she’ll arrive today”

Me:” I know”

Thabi:” you do?”

Me:” she showed up before we left Cape Town” Thabeleng rolled her eyes

Thabi:” ahg I should have known…anyway I know what having her here did last time Andi and I am sorry…it’s not that I don’t like you or that I don’t have a good thing going with you…it’s just that….she was in my life for far too long and I was still young when Eugene brought her in our lives and she actually took care of me…she really did so she’s more like a real sister to me…I don’t know if it all makes sense but just know that I love you I really do and I want us to have a good relationship too and I don’t want you thinking that I don’t care”                                                                     

Me:” now that you’ve explained it, it makes perfect sense…hopefully Kat won’t make my life a living hell while she is here”

Thabi:” don’t mind her too much, she still thinks that she stands a chance but I know that Eugene truly loves you…so are we cool?”

Me:” way cool” I smiled and hugged her

Me:” so how are you feeling?” she broke the hug and looked away

Thabi:” like I am dreaming, I want it all to be a dream”

Me:” I am so sorry”

Thabi:” thanks”

Me:” who else is in the house?”

Thabi:” Uncle Tom and few more uncles and aunties…you’ll see them all shortly”

Me:” I better start preparing something to eat then”

Thabi:” I will come join you with my friends”

me:” no babe you don’t have to”

Thabi:” it’s what my sister would have wanted…you know how she was like” she wiped off a tear

Me:” see you in the kitchen then”

I walked to the kitchen and Thabi and her two friends joined me shortly. The other two aunties also came and join me…I introduced myself to them as Eugene’s fiancée, yep that’s what I was. We were not even sure how many people were coming but we wanted to prep enough food. The good thing is that we were staying in suburbs so we were obviously not going to have neighbours popping up for a plate of food or a cup of coffee or for some beer…we were going to only have our friends and families. Eugene woke up and walked to the kitchen.

Eugene:” morning ladies”

“Morning” we chorused

Eugene:” can I steal my person please” he signalled by his head for me to follow him. He walked out the door and I followed him

Me:” what’s up?”

Eugene:” morning” he learned on to me and gave me a kiss

Me:” morning” I said after the kiss

Eugene:  uhm so…do you need anything? Any help?”

Me:” your bank card maybe. I want to make a turn by the mall now…I have to get some food because there is hardly anything in that kitchen” he pocked himself and then took out a wallet

Eugene:” here, you know the password” he handed me the card

Me:” yeah I do”

Eugene:” I will be busy taking care of all the funeral stuff. I received a call from Thendo…he said he is coming over so I will be doing all the preparations with him. We will be choosing a coffin and all that stuff…I am leaving you in charge around here babe. I don’t like you working too much as well, I think maybe you should get a catering company to hang around here for a week making sure that we have food the whole day and they can also work during the day of the funeral…I know that look you are giving me but Andi we have money and all this is just a very small expense as compared to the money we have. So get a catering company today please…I want you to relax more”

Me:” owk then”

Eugene:” I really really love you” Katlego’s car drove in right at that moment. The gate was not locked because we were obviously expecting people. She got out of the car

Me:” let me leave you to it” I started walking but he took my hand and walked with me

Eugene:” what do you mean?”

Me:” you and her…I am not standing around to watch” I said not even looking at him

Eugene:” what? Babe I will never do that…I said I was sorry”

Me:” that was until she shows up” I walked inside the house and he followed me.

Eugene:” Andani…Andani don’t do this” he hissed.

Me:” I am not doing anything” I whispered only for him to hear. Katlego walked in and Thabeleng ran to her. I looked at Eugene and turned to walk back to where everyone was busy but I couldn’t make it there because Eugene scooped me up and put me on his shoulders with his hands holding my feet that were hanging by his chest and my head upside down. I kept on punching his back as he walk up the stairs with me. I saw Katlego’s face which looked upside down to me…lord she looked like she was about to explode

Me:” Eugene let me go” I really couldn’t help but giggle. I was also embarrassed; imagine what all those women must be saying about me? Not mentioning the poor girls.

Eugene:” cupcake forget it” he had his happy voice on

Me:” Eugene”

Eugene:” Andani” he giggled. I looked at Thabi and she looked happy, she was laughing along with all the ladies…mara what was Eugene doing to me? He walked to the bedroom and put me on the bed

Me:” what’s this...i am supposed to be out there”

Eugene:” nope…I want to show you how sorry I am about what I did”

Me:” huh?” he took off his shirt

Eugene:” I know you are feeling threatened and you probably think that I will give her more than a kiss but Andi I want to prove to you right now that Katlego only got a kiss and that’s all she’ll ever get...you get the full package…you get all of this” he said taking off his jeans…yohh I couldn’t help but smile

Eugene:” all this is for you Andani and right now I want to remind you of what you really have…that was just a kiss, just a kiss, a kiss that was a mistake but what I am about to do to you right now is no mistake…this is what I want to do for the rest of my life…I really am sorry. Katlego will never have all this, I will never give her what’s yours” he was butt naked when he walked to me…I melted.            

Life as we know it

Insert 145                                                                                                                           

Me:” I need a very quick shower, one minute tops” I said when we were done, Eugene smiled

Eugene:” let me help you” we walked to the shower together

Me:” I don’t even know how I am going to show my face out there, everyone probably know that we were having sex” he smirked

Eugene:” making love you mean?”

Me:” ahg well yeah that” we got to the shower and we got in together and he helped me up. When we were done we got out and I got dressed in the same outfit. I didn’t want to change because that was just going to be obvious

Me:” Lord how am I going to face everyone out there?” he smiled

Eugene:” it’s no big deal”

Me:” we are at a funeral Eugene…I don’t even think that it’s right for us to be doing this”

Eugene:” my sister loved me, she loved you…believe me Andi, if anything she’ll want us to be happy and if this is us being happy then I don’t see a problem” I sighed.

Me:” ok let me go”

Eugene:” ok let’s go”

Me:” no no no we are not leaving this bedroom together…do you want to make it obvious? At least stay behind for few minutes” he laughed

Eugene:” are you serious?”

Me:” very serious” I walked out of the room and left him there

I walked to the kitchen and the ladies started laughing as soon as they saw me walking to them. Please world swallow me, this was embarrassing, why did Eugene do this to me?

Thabi:” you guys? God give me their kinda of relationship” she said hugging herself

Lerato:” well pray for me too” that was one of Thabi’s friends. The old women looked at the girls in shock

Aunt 1:” what? You girls are too young to be thinking about that…all you have to do now is focus on school”

Tahbi:” but its n-“

Me:” I think we should change the subject” everybody giggled…Kat was standing in a corner looking at me like she wanted to just strangle me

Me:” what? yohhh ok Lerato come with me and maybe when I come back everybody will be sobered up”

Auntt 2:” where are you going?”

Me:” I am going to the mall to buy few things we will need”

Aunt:” I was just about to ask you to do that because there isn’t enough here…you have to get everything for the tea dear, we are going to make lot of that and buy lot of meat too…we are not sure how many people will pitch so better be prepared”

Me:” consider it done”

Katlego:” Lerato you can stay behind nana, I will tag along with her” what? I gave her my “why the f***” look but being a bitch that she was she ignored me

Thabi:” Kat are you sure?” Kat smiled

Kat:” will you relax? Andani lets go” Eugene walked down right at that moment…I ignored Kat and looked at my man and just melted into a smile shame…I was seriously in love with this man

Eugene:” Thendo is outside waiting for me…contact me if you need anything will you?”

Me:” sure”

Eugene:” Hi Katlego”

Kat:” hi” he walked past us and left the room.

Me:” let’s go” I walked out and Katlego followed me.

Me:” we are using my car right?”

Kat:” no we are usi-“

Me:” I am not driving in that” I said opening the doors for my car and got in the driver’s seat. Katlego stood there for a while looking at me with her hands folded on her chest. I had no time for her shame. I started the car looking at her. She walked to my car and got in

Me:” that’s about it” I reversed the car and we drove out.

We drove to the mall in total silent. We got there and got out and then went to Spar

Kat:” so you are happy with him huh?” this again? Do we have girls like her out there? I mean girls who take a break-up this bad

Me:” this again?”

Kat:” yeah”

Me:” do I look unhappy to you?” she just looked at me

Me:” exactly” I was taking a 10kg sugar and putting it on the trolley. We had two big trolleys with us…I had one and Katlego had one

Kat:” but he kissed me last night” she didn’t have that cocky smile of hers, she had a serious look on her face

Me:” so? You guys kissed so what? Why are you discussing it with me? Its him you kissed not me. I know where I stand with my man Kat, kiss him all you want but I just don’t give a damn…I mean all you’ll ever get is a kiss that’s all” the funny thing is I was not so sure if I believed this myself

Kat:” we will see about that” she smiled…ok I stopped what I was doing and looked at her

Me:” Eugene killed my Ex-husband for the same reason I might have to kill you for. He was in my life like all the time, he kept on popping up every now and again…and without a warning Eugene killed him and apologised to me later but look at us now? We are happy…so if I were you Kat, I will watch my steps really tread carefully….if this…whatever it is that you are doing gets too much….i will kill you and tell Eugene about it. I will tell him the same thing he told me after killing my first everything…that you were never going to leave us alone. So keep this up…and your child might be motherless” I said that and pushed my trolley. I looked at her and she looked pale. She then walked to me

Kat:” Eugene killed your ex?” she swallowed

Me:” yeah and I am entitled to kill his…he once asked me if I wanted you gone but I had a good heart then, I don’t know if I still have it now”

Kat:” h…he…he was wi…willing to have m-“

Me:” to have you killed yes…I am important to him Kat…I am”

She blinked several times and looking at her I could see that she was just trying to hold off tears. I turned around with a smile on my face. I don’t know if I was capable of getting her killed, well I was sure that I was not capable of getting anyone killed not even her but I had to try and put up a wall here, I know what Eugene promised but hey I have seen what women like her can do to get a man back. Some women go as far as drugging him to sleep with them and next thing you know they are pregnant so there was no telling which trick Kat could do so I had to make her leave us alone. We shopped in silence until we were done and then we paid and took the trolleys to the car. We put everything in the boot and then we left.

I saw Lusani’s car as soon as we parked the car. Mhm I have never been so glad to see him…yepp I needed him. Kat and I walked out the car and we walked inside.

Thaby:” you’ve been gone for an hour” I smiled

Me:” we had to make sure that we get everything sweety, that’s why we took so long” I walked past the kitchen to the lounge. There were already some old man sitting there…I got there and greeted them. Lusani was with them talking and smiling. I asked to speak to him. He followed me outside

Me:” so when did you arrive?” we were now outside

Lusani:” just now”

Me:” ow ok, you came alone?”

Lusani:” nope”

Me:” uhm ok…you remember the time you ask me for a forgiveness right?” he frowned

Lusani:” I do”

Me:” well, all I said was ‘fiiiiine we can pretend like it didn’t happen’ but you are still on my bad books”

Lusani:” whaat? I am?”

Me:” yeah but that’s about to change” he smiles

Lusani:” ow”

Me:” get rid of Katlego for me…I want her out of this house”

Lusani:” what? No no no how am I gonna do that?”

Me:” you are a smart man Luu, I am sure you can work something out…if you do that for me then all will be forgiven and we can actually become friends…you are in Eugene’s life, I am in Eugene’s life…it’s only fair for us to get along don’t you think? It could make things easy for him” Lusani smiled and extended his hand out to me

Luu:” consider us friends then” I smiled and shook his hand

Me:” you’ll get it done?”

Luu:” she’ll be gone tomorrow morning latest…I will work my magic” I smiled…now we are talking

Me:” and Eugene don’t need to know about this” well I wanted Kat gone but I didn’t want Eugene to know that I had something to do with it, I also didn’t want Thaby to know that I had a hand in Kat leaving because she was obviously fond of Katlego

Luu:” dude I am not dumb” we giggled

Me:” oww one more thing…there is grocery at the boot of my AMG…care to bring it to the house?” he frowned

Luu:” what?”

Me:” that’s a man’s job…it’s not like you are busy with anything…you can call other guys to help you out”

Luu:” I think I am going to regret this friendship thing” he said with a smile

Me:” it’s only been a minute”

Luu:” exactly” we laughed and I gave him my car keys and I walked to the house to the ladies.

So I spent the day helping out in the kitchen and making sure that everyone was fine. Kat was also there going up and down like she owned the damn place. I thought about what Eugene said regarding a catering company…I don’t think it was going to be necessary because I was managing well with the ladies and I asked the ladies about it and they said it wasn’t necessary…we only agreed to get a catering company for the day of the funeral. There were few people who came to support us…Tebogo’s in laws were also here, Eugene’s relatives from his mom’s side and his father’s side. You’d swear Eugene didn’t have relatives because he never talked about them but looking at it now…just like every black person…he had a big family and I was happy that they were here to offer their support.

Eugene came back home at about 5 and said that he needed a shower. He left me sitting with the ladies outside and he went to the bedroom. It was getting a little bit chilly so I walked to the bedroom to get myself something else to wear. I was passing by Thaby’s room when I heard people arguing. I stood by the door and listened

Kat:” I knew that maybe you felt something for her but to kill me for her? To have me killed?” she was furious

Eugene:” I wouldn’t have considered the possibility of permanently erasing you if you were not on to me like a damn summer rash”

Kat:” wow you didn’t just say that…so you are not even going to deny it”

Eugene:” Kat I care about you I really do but damn you have to stay away, you have to have a life of your own”

Kat:” so that kiss…what was that?”

Eugene:” th…that was a mistake and you know it”

Kat:” but Eugene it felt so good”

Eugene:” Katlego I love her…I really do”

Kat:” did you ever love me?”

Eugene:” I did love you and you know that too…it’s just that things were different then and it’s different now”

Kat:” but Eugene”

Eugene:” she is about to be my wife Kat…you need to accept that…she is going to have my baby and all I want right now is to make her happy”

Kat:” what do you mean by that? A...are you...ha…having a baby?”

Eugene:” yes…she is pregnant” I heard Kat sniffing

Kat:” you are going to have a baby? You are going to be a father?”

Eugene:”yeah”

Kat:” and you are happy?” her voice was low

Eugene: “I can’t even explain it”

Kat:” at least one of us get to be happy” I heard her walking to the door and I quickly ran to my bedroom. Do you see why I want her gone?