Life As We Know It 126-130

Life as we know it

Insert 126

Three weeks later

As much as I hate to even mention it…the break up between me and Eugene still very much existed and I wished I could have done things differently. I missed him like crazy and I always wondered if he ever missed me too. You’d be wondering what I’ve been doing for the past three weeks. With Eugene out of my life I literally had nothing to do and nothing to look forward too. Vhusani was there though, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her about the break up, I wasn’t ready yet so I said nothing. Jake was also there, he was always calling or wanting to see me but I turned him down a few times and went out with him a few times too. Last weekend was Tebogo’s lobola thingy…her in-laws were paying up the money so Eugene and I went up to Johannesburg for the weekend...i was happy to be there with his sisters…it was a refreshing feeling. We didn’t tell them about the break up. Reason for that being that Tebogo was too excited about the wedding and didn’t want to ruin things for her or change her mood so we said nothing. We pretended to be together the whole time. It was weird and bad I tell you but we had to do it, I tried to talk to Eugene about us but he didn’t even wanna talk to me about our relationship at all. He spent the whole two nights sleeping on the couch…well he hardly slept…he’d just sit there and looked at me as I sleep. I wonder if I will ever get used to his weirdness…I mean who just sits and watch someone they don’t want to be with sleep? It’s creepy. The whole lobola thing went as planned and Tebogo was already talking about wedding preparations so she said she’ll contact me as soon as she decide on the date with her boyfriend but she told me that it was going to be soon. We were all officially introduced to her boyfriend and the two families had lunch together, it was beautiful…I thought Eugene would be touched and decide to talk about us but no, he was stone hearted about us…he really didn’t want anything to do with me. On Sunday I told Eugene that I wanna go home, Home as in Limpopo. I know it’s crazy but I kinda wanted him to try and stop me or beg me not to go or ask to come with me but he did none of the above… so I figured that since I was in Johannesburg and had nothing waiting for me in Cape Town then I can go home and spend some time with my son.

So I stayed at home for a whole week. It was nice to be with my son shame. I was enjoying every second of it. I realised how much I missed him shame. My mom still didn’t want me to take Omphu back to Cape Town…seriously this woman was trying to hijack my son and make him hers. I was feeling sick during the week that I was home. I hardy ate food and I was losing a bit of weight. My mom was fussing over me and wanted me to go to the Doctor but Doctors were not my thing so all I took was pain killers and trying exercises every morning…I knew that I was having stress and that’s why I had lost my appetite and had headaches every now and again. I wished Eugene could at least understand the way I needed him in my life. I don’t think I was ever going to move on with someone else…I was still in love with Eugene and moving on with another man wasn’t going to be an easy thing to do….maybe it wasn’t even going to be possible.

So today was Monday and I was flying down to Cape Town…Jake volunteered to pick me up. Yeah yeah right I know…I was a bit reluctant but the guy couldn’t take no for an answer so I was letting him be. i boarded a 14:10 flight from OR Tambo. If you ask why I was going back to Cape Town….well there was Ria’s house to sort out and I had my everything down there. Well maybe the real reason wasn’t all that…there was a reason behind me going back to Cape Town even though I had nothing left for me there. I missed Eugene and couldn’t just give up on him. I wanted to fight for us…or maybe I wanted to see if he had moved on without me. Plus I was going to lose my mind at home and I stood a great chance of getting a job while in Cape Town than when I was home in Limpopo so that was another reason.

EUGENE

The last three weeks have been hectic or rather difficult. I saw the Doctor for a week and she was happy with the direction that I was in. She told me that there was hope and that she was positive that I’d find myself again. I was happy to hear that, I needed someone to believe in me and she did. We even looked for something else that I can do in my life rather than working. I had to find a hobby, something that I can use as a coping mechanism other than Andani. And I am happy to announce that we found one. She asked me to think of something that I used to enjoy or love doing before I met Rod…before everything went wrong. Well I loved hiphop dancing and I loved drawing and painting. Well she was happy to hear that there are other things I could do other than just loving Andani. So after seeing her for a week i started getting in touch with my 15 years old self and bought a full painting and drawing kit and I also signed up for a hiphop dance class. Yeah yeah right I am 32 already and could hardly dub but hey I could learn, plus I won’t be doing this for some competition, it’s all just to keep my mind busy and to make me feel interested in other things too. I went to one dancing class and damn people I felt lost and clueless but there was something I picked up…I felt alive, like a normal human being…I felt the same kind of feeling I got when I was around Andani…it’s the feeling that told me that there was actually hope. I was looking into joining more and more dancing classes just to keep my mind occupied and just enjoy other people’s company. I mean I didn’t have friends so the dancing was a good move.

Ow s***one more thing…There was this girl in my dance class…s*** she was soo fine and I found myself starring and smiling at her…she was doing the same thing…I mean looking and smiling at me. It seemed like she’s been there for a while because the girl could surely move. But hey my heart was with Andani so I had to keep whatever that was happening from happening. The girl I was flirting with, that’s if what we did qualifies to be flirting…well she introduced herself to me earlier on as Monica…she was a coloured hot chic…she had a coloured accept and all…but hey, she was mighty fine. She offered to give me private dance lessons. I was flattered but at 32, I understood the fact that this was not actually about dancing, she was actually offering herself to me but hey…I turned her down. I am a man so I am not gonna lie, turning that mighty ass down was soo damn hard but hey I loved Andani and I couldn’t just replace her. I mean putting everything that happened between us aside I still loved her and still wanted her back in my life. but I was scared to do so…I mean I was doing great so far, the therapy was awesome and I was starting to learn to control my addiction without her by my side so that was a  big step. I wished things could be different, I wished I could just go back to her….but I was scared that she might hurt me again and then I’ll relapse so maybe I was better off alone for now. With all that crap I highlighted, I still couldn’t handle the thought of her with someone else…hahaha over my dead body…I’d kill someone in front of her if I have to…damn imagine her doing the things she used to do to me to some dude? No ways…so I was praying that she’d stay alone for now, I mean I was determined to be alone for now so the least she could do was give me few months to recover and then she could move on. But am I ever going to be ok with some crapy dude sweating on top of her? Ok who am I kidding, I was never going to be ok with that.  Lusani had been gone for three weeks and I’d been handling everything myself. I’d been in contact with paps and they were taking good care of him.

ANDANI

When I landed at the Airport in Cape Town Jake was already waiting for me. I was feeling tired, I didn’t even know why. I got to Jake and gave him a hug

Jake:”wow you’ve only been gone for a week and I feel like it’s been a year, you look good by the way” I broke the hug and couldn’t even smile at him

Me:” thanks…Jake what is this?” I said looking straight at him. I was not dumb and I could see that this was not him just being my friend...i mean he’s been calling me none stop while I was away just to check up on me

Jake:” what do you mean?”

Me:” you doing all this and calling me five times a day and texting none stop?”

Jake:” are you not hungry? Maybe we can grab something to eat”

Me:” I just want to go back home that’s all” I said with a straight face, I couldn’t even smile at him anymore

Jake:”uhm ok let’s go then…give me the bag” he took my bag and we walked to his car.

So this guy got out of work and quickly came to pick me up? Worst part is I didn’t even ask, he volunteered. We got to the car and he put my bag at the back seat as I open the front passenger door for myself. We then drove to my house…well Eugene’s house. We got there and we both got out of the car. He took out my bag and walked me to the house. I didn’t feel good letting him inside the house…it felt like I was disrespecting Eugene; this was his house for heaven’s sake. Maybe I should just move back to my own house because this was forever going to be Eugene’s house. We walked inside the house and I took a bag from him and put it on the floor

Me:” uhm I would really love to make you a cup of coffee and chill with you but I really need some sleep, I am tired” Well who was I kidding, this was not just about me being tired, I just didn’t want Jake staying in this house for any time longer, I couldn’t risk Eugene getting pissed shame. But why was I even considering his feelings because he didn’t want me anymore?

Jake:” uhm Andi you are tired so I don’t mind making you a cup of coffee so that you can relax”

Me:”see? This? You being all over me? Jake what is going on? I thought I told you that I am engaged” I said showing him my hand

Jake:” I know that but somehow you still manage to go out with me”

Me:” because we are friends”

Jake:” and yet I am here and he is not…I picked you up not him” I frowned at him

Me:” Jake I really don’t have time for this...leave” I opened the door for him and he pushed it and it closed. What the hell was wrong with him?

Jake:” I love you and you know that” love? Such an expensive word

Me:” no you don’t Jake, you just like me”

Jake:” like or love…whatever, all I know is that I want you for myself” what? lord come down already…what the hell was this? Was he insane? I just told him that I am engaged

Me:” but Jake that’s not possible…please leave” he took my hand and I yanked it away. He then forcefully grabbed me by my waist and then held me with both his hands…I tried to remove his hands from me but his grip was tight

Jake:” I loved you from the first day I saw you when you walked into our office, when I found out you were with Ria I was shattered, you are the reason why I ended up with that crazy ex-wife of mine because I couldn’t have you…when you and Ria broke up I knew I had to make my move but you left your job and you were not talking to anyone at that moment so I thought I should give you some time and next thing I know you are seeing some guy and then I heard you were engaged, did you even date him for three months?” Eugene please show up…this guy was seriously scaring me and only Eugene could save me

Me:” Jake leave”

Jake:” but Andi you used to feel something for me…remember when Ria was treating you bad and I was there to push you to leave him? You felt something too but you didn’t want to upset your husband…we even shared a kiss”

Me:” Jake I want you to leave please…I am in love with another man right now and I can’t betray him” he looked straight at me

Jake:” what if I don’t want to leave?” huh?

Me:”i….I…Jake leave” I was shaking, the look on his face was no longer friendly. I realised that I was alone in the house with him…what if he does something to me? He held both my hands and then pushed me back to the wall and pinned them on the wall above my head

Me:” Jake s…stop it” I wanted to cry…and I was so scared

Jake:” Andani I want you” oww no, is he gonna? Oww no...I started shaking. It was then that I heard a car pulling up outside. I don’t care who it was but I was just glad that Jake suddenly let go of my hands. I looked at the door and he did too. After several seconds the door opened and Eugene walked in.

Life as we know it

Insert 127

He had that face on, you know that plain unreadable face? Well that’s what he had on. I looked at him and blinked several times…I didn’t expect to see him. He looked at me and then at Jake and then back at me and finally melted into a smile

Eugene:” hey” he was smiling. I knew that smile, that wasn’t his genuine smile…that was the “danger, gevaar, ngozi, khombo” smile…it spelt danger

Me:”h…hey” I gave him my nervous smile

Jake:” hi” he walked to me and gave me a brief hug and then kissed me…the hell? We are back to kissing now? After going to Johannesburg and spending two nights together and didn’t even touch each other now he had the guts to kiss me? Was it jealous? So he was jealous of Jake huh?

Me:”Jake was just leaving” I said still rocking my nervous smile

Jake:” uhm I am sorry about what happened Andi…I will be in touch” thank God Jake problem was solved…I had Eugene to deal with now. I don’t know how he was going to react to me bringing a man in this house but whatever his reaction, I had to stand my ground

Me:” goodbye Jake” I opened the door for him and he walked out. I waited until I heard the car drive away and then closed the door. I closed it and just stood there looking at the lock, I couldn’t turn around and face Eugene, I didn’t want to.

I heard him chuckle

Eugene:” I see you’ve moved on” I slowly turned around and looked at me

Me:”and what’s it to you?” I pulled my straight face. He looked at me and actually laughed

Eugene:” are you trying to be funny? Bringing a man in my house?” he shouted…so he was angry?

Me:” but you said I could stay here Eugene and if it makes the situation any better I will move out of YOUR house and back to mine ok?” he rolled his eyes as he threw his hands in the air in frustration

Eugene:” Andani it’s only been few weeks and you are already doing this? Have you slept with him?” he breathed hard…I just looked at him and smiled. He charged at me and held both my hands so tight and stared straight into my eyes…now I was scared

Me:” h…he…he is just a friend ok?” he let go of me and his face softens

Me:” I thought we were just friends but he just told me now that he wants more than that but I told him where to get off” I wasn’t about to tell Eugene what really took place because that could get Jake killed and I didn’t to have another person die because of me

Eugene:” owwww wow….uhm thank God” I frowned at him…he was suddenly smiling

Eugene:” did I just thanked God? Anyway come here” he pulled me to him in an attempt to give me a hug and I brushed him off and moved away from him

Eugene:” Andi”

Me:” so after everything that happened, after refusing to take me back time and time again then you think you can just walk in here and claim me? What am I to you? A toy?”

Eugene:” you are not a toy bbe you know that”

Me:” Eugene stop behaving like a kid ok? Make up your mind…you don’t want me but you also don’t want anyone else to have me…what’s that?”

Eugene:” well you are right about that, I don’t want anyone to have you and no one will have you Andi…I’d kill anyone who tries anything funny with you”

Me:” like f*** you will…Eugene you don’t want me and I am going to start dating soon…you better prepare yourself for the kill of your life because I won’t just be dating…I will be sleeping with them other guys because you don’t want any more of me…I know it will kill you and I will have the pleasure of thinking about how painful it must be for you to see me with another man”

I said holding off tears. Of course I didn’t mean any of that crap but I was angry at him and just wanted to say anything to hurt him. I was angry because I loved him and I knew he loved me too…I was angry because I missed him and I wanted him back, I was angry because he didn’t want me, I was angry because Jake tried to rape me, I was angry because I wanted to do something to make him pay for what he tried to do but I couldn’t because I didn’t want Eugene knowing…I was just angry at everything

Eugene:” Andani you wouldn’t dare”

Me:’really? Watch me then” I walked to the bedroom with him at my back. I got inside and he walked in too. I walked straight to the closet and to my clothes and angrily took them out. Eugene came and stopped me

Eugene:” Andani stop the madness” he held me and looked into my eyes

Eugene:” I said you can stay in the house”

Me:’ and yet you told me not to bring friends in this house”

Eugene:” but that’s not a friend, that’s a man who wants you”

Me:” exactly, in MY house I will bring whoever I want…so I am leaving this house” he held my hand tighter

Eugene:” you’re not” his eyes were blazing fire

Me:” you can’t stop me”

Eugene:” Andani you don’t want to test me”

Me:’ ow really? What are you gonna do? Rape me again?” owww s*** I didn’t…ow no

Eugene:” what?” his face fell and all of a sudden his eyes were teary…he let go of my hands and looked the other way. He looked at me one last time and then walked out of the room. I honestly didn’t mean to say that…I knew how it made him feel…ahg. I stopped what I was doing and walked out of the closet. He was sitting on the bed

Eugene:” Andi lets just talk like adults please”

Me:” no I am not doing that”

Eugene:” Andani I still love you”

Me:” yeah you do”

Eugene:” I seriously do but I am scared ok? I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want you to hurt me too…what if…just give me time”

Me:” time? Eugene you want time? I have been tip toeing around your feelings for far too long now and I am fed up. it’s all about you feeling this and that…you being scared and all that lame s***…Eugene grow the same balls you carry around when you are killing and torturing people ok? Be a man and own up to the fact that you love me and you want to be with me or leave me the hell alone if that’s what you want. Just don’t come and go into my life as you please. I am a human being and in case you haven’t noticed, I get hurt too and this break up has been f*****g with me since it happened. I hardly sleep or eat…I am sick most of the time because I am supper stressed. But no, all that matters is your fears and what you are going through…what about me? Do you ever stop to think about how I am feeling in all this? Because you’ve hurt me too Eugene. I know I have made some mistakes…so it’s either you forgive me and we move on or you don’t forgive me and you leave me alone” I said that with tears in my eyes

Eugene:” babe”

Me:” no Eugene, this relationship didn’t just change you…it changed me too. I had to come to terms with your situation…do you know how hard that was for me?”

Eugene:” ok ok ok babe I get it…come here” he opened up his hands for me

Me:” I am not coming anywhere….you are going to sit down and think about what you really want” I walked out of the room and he followed me

Eugene:” it’s you…I want you” ahg those words, they made me so weak man, all I wanted was to stop walking and just turn around and start kissing him but I needed to make sure that if we were to get back together then it should be for real…I didn’t want another break up

Me:” now that Jake was seen in this house you want me? You must think I am really dumb” I took the car keys and walked outside the house.

Eugene:” so where are you going now?”

Me:” I don’t know Eugene but I just want to be out of your life for now…you need to figure yourself out”

I got inside the car and started it. I saw Eugene getting inside his Rover too and he drove after me. I drove out of the yard and onto the main road. I didn’t want Eugene to catch up with me so I had to try and drive fast. Maybe try to get to the robots before they turn red so that he may remain. I was speeding and looked at the side mirror and saw Eugene’s car behind me, my phone started ringing, I don’t know who was calling. I looked at the phone and then back at the mirror…maybe Eugene was the one calling me…but no it couldn’t have been him. I tried reaching for the phone while looking at the mirror to monitor Eugene’s car. I only realised that I was crossing the red robots when I looked ahead of me to see a truck that I was about to collide with. I tried to swerve to the right but I lost complete control of the car.

Life as we know it

Insert 128

EUGENE

I saw it happening in front of my eyes and my heart immediately stopped beating. What just happened? I saw her car passing the red robots and then almost hit the truck. She was able to turn to the right but that’s when she drove straight into the taxi. I stepped on the brakes and stopped in the middle of the road. I struggled to breathe...I looked at the scene and felt my head spinning. Other drivers hooted at me to start driving but i couldn’t.  Not her, please not Andani. I tried to gain some strength and then started the car and drove to the scene. I parked the car on the side of the road and quickly got out. I looked around and saw two guys calling the paramedics. I walked to the car with my hands on my head and paced up and down with tears on my face, i was really scared. The car was totally damaged at the front...i understand it was a Ferrari but at this moment the car meant nothing...i was worried about her. I tried to open the driver’s door but i couldn’t so I went to the passenger one and it opened. She looked unconscious with her eyes closed. I understand i wasn’t supposed to do anything or touch anything but f*** that, this was my damn woman. I tried to get her out and succeeded. I laid her on the floor while i was down on my knees crying close to her. Two guys who were calling the paramedics walked to me

Me:” did you call paramedics?” 

Guy:” yes we did...you know her?”

Me:” m…my...my fiancée”

Guy2:” just stay strong my man they will be here shortly” 

After about 15 minutes i heard the car siren and knew that they were almost there. The paramedics arrived first and gave me a bit of grief about taking Andani out of the car and all that crap, I wasn’t really paying attention to what they were saying, all i needed was for them to help her. They took her to the ambulance and then also helped the people on the taxi...luckily no one was injured in there so it was just her. They drove her to the hospital and i followed them. We got there and I was asked to sit in the waiting room while they attended to her. I couldn’t sit still; i kept on pacing around the ward. This was all my fault, i should have just taken her back a long time ago because i know for a fact that i love only her. What if something happens to her? I was not even sure if I should call her family, or maybe I should just call her friend Vhusani…no maybe I should wait to hear how she is doing.

After more than an hour a Doctor finally came to me. I was sitting on the bench by then

Doc:” Good Evening Mr…”

Me:” just call me Eugene…how is she?” that’s all I needed to know, all I wanted was for the Doctor to tell me that she was still alive

Doc:” this is a miracle in its self, she is fine…no major injuries…we checked her up and even did the scan to check if there was any fracture on the bones but she is fine. She just have few bruises here and there but that’s about it…no damage was done…I guess the airbag really did its work here” I took a sigh of relief…so I didn’t get her killed

Me:” can I see her please?” I was relieved

Doc:” absolutely” I smiled

ANDANI

I only passed out for few minutes and when I woke up I was in a  hospital stretcher being pushed inside the hospital. I started panicking and was told to calm down. So ever since then I had been under serious scrutiny with Doctors and nurses checking me out, giving me meds and injections…I even went for an x-ray but I was fine. I thanked God for such a miracle, not many people make it out of such an accident…so I was fortunate because I was not even injured. It was during the process of being checked and all that crap when the Doctor mentioned that my baby was fine

Doc:” you should just be glad that the baby is fine ma’am, this could have ended badly, you have some strong soldier in there” he said with a smile while writing something on a his clipboard

Me:” what do you mean baby?” I was seriously lost

Doc:” oww you don’t know?” she said with a smile

Me:” know what?”

Doc:” you are pregnant” I almost passed out again…I was what? I was using contraceptives though. I then thought back to everything and realised that I only did the injection after making love with Eugene…so I was already pregnant when I went for the injection?

Me:” are you sure?” my voice was low

Doc:” yes ma’am”

Me:” can you check how far I am?” well I knew that it was supposed to be five weeks old but I was just asking  nje. After all the tests were done and after the Doctor told me that I was doing fine and all that crap…I was told that my fiancée has been waiting for me since I arrived and he wanted to see me. I agreed to see him and waited for him to finally appear…I asked the Doctor not to mention anything about the pregnancy; I wanted to be the one to tell him.

The Doctor and the nurse walked out and after a while the door opened and Eugene walked in. he looked relieved as soon as he saw me.

Eugene:” so it was true…you are really fine” he leaked his lips looking a bit shy. He closed the door and stood against it looking straight at me

Me:” yeah it was a close call but I am fine” he slowly walked to me

Eugene:” you had me worried, the thought of not seeing you again…damn it Andi…I am so sorry about everything, I am the cause of this” he got to the bed and stood there holding my hand

Me:”no it was my fault too…I was too upset and I shouldn’t have gotten behind the wheel on that state” now I understood all this, I was starting to understand my crazy behaviour…it was the hormones…all the sick feelings I had been getting…it was all because I was pregnant.

Eugene:” babe you are not supposed to apologise for anything. When I saw your car losing control…yohh Andani I almost died, my heart literally stopped beating for a second. I don’t want to ever experience the feeling I felt when I thought you were gone. The fear I had when I ran to your car…Andi please whatever difficulty we were having let’s work through it. I am trying my best to be better…I am seeing the Doctor five days per months now…we spend as much hours as we can with the Doctor and it’s been helping so I will keep on trying…let’s just be together again please” I smiled

Me:” all it took was a car accident for us to realise that we needed each other?” he chuckled

Eugene:” apparently…yes” we smiled

Me:” Eugene I love you and don’t ever hurt me the way you’ve been hurting me. Being away from you was h-“

Eugene:” don’t worry about it…I will be strong, I will man up and grow some balls” he chuckled

Eugene:” it’s what you said to me earlier on when you were angry” i laughed…well it was the hormones saying all that s***

Eugene:” so you are feeling fine? Like fine fine?” I nodded

Eugene:” so when do we leave for home?”

Me:” tomorrow morning I think, it’s already late now”

Eugene:” I feel like eloping with you right here and right now”

Me:” no Eugene, I don’t want my dad to kill me” well with the baby on the way, getting married now wouldn’t be such a bad idea but hey I was not even sure if Eugene was going to be happy about having a baby now…last time we talked about it he said he didn’t want a baby so I was a bit nervous to share the news with him. I was hoping for the best though, everyone loves kids plus Eugene is good with my son, he even refer to him as his own so he wouldn’t possibly reject his own blood so I guess I didn’t have to worry much about that. He rolled his eyes

Eugene:” that little moment of almost losing you made me see some sense. You are not perfect baby but I love your imperfections hey…you make mistakes and those mistakes don’t make you who you are…those mistakes makes us grow as a couple…I have made my mistakes too and you forgave me. I thought loving each other meant that we all have to be perfect for one another but no…it only means that we have to accept and forgive each other’s mistakes and move on” see? That’s what I needed him to understand and now that he understood the whole thing I knew we could make this work. A lot had happened in one day so I thought that I’d break the pregnancy news the following day.

The following day I was discharged and Eugene came to pick me up. As my fiancée he was able to sign off my paperwork’s. I asked him about the car when we were driving home and he said he sorted out everything regarding the car insurance and stuff

Me:” I am sorry I ruined your car”

Eugene:” seriously? Andi I am happy you are coming back home still alive…I don’t care about the car” I smiled

Me:” thank you” he looked at me and melted into a smile. We got home and Vhusani and Lalamani were waiting for us. Vhusani and Lalamani went all out and cooked some serious meals…they were also braaing meat outside. Shame I was happy to have them in the house. So we spent the afternoon together with everyone treating me like a damn egg…as if I’d break or something but either way I had fun. Vhusani and Lalamani left late at night and then it was just me and Eugene.

Me:” thank you for a beautiful afternoon” I said as soon as we went to our room

Eugene:” it’s my pleasure”

Me:” I have something to tell you” I was sitting on the bed and he was sitting on the couch taking off his shoes

Eugene:” ok” this was it, I had to tell him

Me:” I am pregnant” he quickly stared at me with a frown

Eugene:” huh?”

Me:” yes” he stood up with one shoe still on

Eugene:” you mean pregnant as in you are having a baby? Your baby?” the hell did he mean my baby?

Me:” our baby Eugene, me and you” I said pointing from me to him

Eugene:” I know that babe it’s just….oww my God” he ran his hands on his head

Me:” it’s just what?” he looked at me and said nothing and then started pacing

Eugene:” s***…a baby?”

Life as we know it

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Me:”yes a baby Eugene, our baby” he started pacing up and down with his one shoe still on…was this so shocking that he couldn’t take off the shoe?

Eugene:” oww f***…damn it I am not ready for that” he said looking at me, he was looking all worked up

Me:” Eugene most people have babies even though they are not ready…I didn’t plan this either but it is here”

Eugene:” most people you are talking about are not me ok? They don’t have tons of enemies and issues to deal with” he sat on the couch and took off the one shoe

Me:” so what do you want me to do?”

Eugene:” I thought we discussed contraceptives…didn’t you do any of them?” he threw the shoe across the room and looked at me with a frown

Me:” I did but I must have been already pregnant at the time” he closed his eyes dramatically and blew out some air. He opened them again and looked at me

Eugene:” Andani…yohh a baby now?”

Me:” but Eugene you are the one who wanted a baby last time remember? What changed?” ok I was kinda desperate, I didn’t want us to have another fight…please not now

Eugene:” last time when I decided on making you pregnant I had a plan laid out Andani. Lusani was going to take care of things and I was going to have a family with you…last time you didn’t know s*** about my business and we were safe that way….last time I didn’t know the pain of losing a baby but now I do and I can’t go through that s*** again” he looked at me with fear in his eyes…so he was scared? And he didn’t have a plan for us? We could work through it together right?

Me:” do you think I wanna lose a baby again? I felt that pain too Eugene…the twins were inside me…do you think I got off easily?” he looked at me with his teary eyes

Eugene:” so everything that’s been happening…you had the baby inside of you? I’ve been stressing you, I almost got you killed in an accident and all this time you had my baby inside of you…Andani I could have killed my baby again” he sobbed. I walked to him and sat on his lap

Me:” Eugene don’t do that to yourself ok? Let’s focus on protecting this one…let’s make sure we don’t lose her or him ok?” he looked at me and I wiped off his tears

Eugene:” I am having a baby” he looked at me with sadness in his eyes

Me:” yes you are”

Eugene:” that Jake dude has been taking you out to dates and stuff…and this whole time he’s been feeding my child? If not kill him then I should punch him at least” I looked at him and just blinked…I was confused

Eugene:” if I must come clean…I’ve been having you followed…its kinda the reason why I ended up here yesterday…I heard he drove you back here and I couldn’t let you spend any private moment with him….i couldn’t” I laughed out loud

Me:” and here I was thinking that I was free” he laughed

Eugene:” so we are having our little baby?” I nodded. He looked at me and then kissed me slowly and passionately. He stopped the kiss and then helped me to stand up and he stood up too. He went to sit on the bed

Me:” what is it now?”

Eugene:” don’t get me wrong…it’s not that I don’t want the baby, I want him or her but…there are so many wrong things here”

Me:” things like what?” I was standing in the middle of the room with my hands folded on my chest

Eugene:” like me”

Me:” what about you?”

Eugene:” don’t lie to me and say that you haven’t thought about it for a second…I am sick Andani…I enjoy seeing people in pain…I don’t even mind killing them. I can’t even handle having a relationship with you….what if all that rubs onto him? What if he inherits all of this madness” oww Lord Eugene was being too hard on himself it’s not even funny…how can he think that? I walked to him and sat next to him on the bed

Me:” why are you doing this to yourself? You were not born this way ok? Your parents made you this way…your dad did ok? And you are working hard to be better”

Eugene:” that’s the thing…what if I become my dad” ow gosh this man though

Me:” Eugene you are not your dad and you never will be him. I am here with you and I will hold your hand through it ok? We will be great parents together”

Eugene:” just promise me one thing”

Me:” ok”

Eugene:” if ever I become him…protect my kids and walk away” I looked at him and smiled

Me:” so we will have more?”

Eugene:” I guess so…we are having the second one so I guess we can have the 3^rd one too….i mean it Andi…if I become him you take the kids and disappear ok? You run as far as away as you possibly can, the kids should be our number priority…I wish my mom had the guts to leave my dad” I looked at him and smiled

Me:” I know you won’t be like him but if you happen to be then I will surely run” he gave me a tight hug

Eugene:” I am having a baby” he whispered into my ears. I laughed as we broke the hug

Me:” it’s my baby too” he laughed

Eugene:” I am sorry about everything, about stressing you”

Me:” water under the bridge”

Eugene:” it’s a pity you just came back from the hospital…woman I was gonna give you one hell of a f***…the whole night I mean” jeez I giggled

Me:” a good choice of words would be love making…not a good f*** please” he giggled too

Eugene:” oww ok I was gonna give you one hell of love making” we laughed

Me:” now that’s about it…let’s get to bed now shall we?”

The following morning I was woken up by a nauseating smell of eggs. I stretched and opened my eyes. I found Eugene sitting on the bed looking at me

Eugene:” you are up”

Me:” what’s that smell” I was looking around

Eugene:” what smell” there was breakfast on the bedside table

Me:” ow its th-“ I couldn’t finish because I quickly got out of bed and all the way to the bathroom. I quickly went down on my knees and vomited inside the toilet. Eugene ran after me

Eugene:” cupcake are you ok?” I looked at him with the corner of my eyes

Me:” morning sickness” I said with a lazy voice. He helped me up with a smile

Me:”what’s funny?” I was taking my teeth brush

Eugene:” our baby making you sick…it’s just a beautiful feeling…I don’t think you’ll understand it though” I smiled shaking my head. I started brushing my teeth

Me:” right I can’t” after brushing my teeth we walked to the bedroom. Seriously the smell of eggs was making me really sick

Me:” babe can you please just take that plate away….i am sorry I know you meant well” he smiled

Eugene:” don’t apologise…whatever my baby need, daddy is gonna happily do it” he took the plate and a cup of coffee and walked out of the door. He came back after few minutes

Eugene:” so what would you like to eat?”

Me:” uhm firstly I need some avos”

Eugene:” as in avocados?”

Me:” yep…you can find them at PnP, also make me some prawns…I think we have then in the fridge but just check before going to PnP, also some chocolate muffins, oww my God Eugene don’t forget them and finally an apple juice” he looked at me and frowned

Eugene:” is that what our baby wants?”

Me:” apparently yes” he shook his head walking to me. He went down on his knees and held my top up and touched my tummy

Eugene:” I have a feeling that it’s a little girl” he said and then listened in. I just looked at him smiling

Eugene:” but daddy’s little munchie why you gotta eat creepy combination of food huh? I made mommy a very good and healthy breakfast but she said you don’t want it” he kissed my flat tummy

Eugene:”oww my God cupcake I am so happy” he got up and gave me a kiss

Me:” you don’t even have to say it”

Eugene:” anything else you need?”

Me:” nope just that”

Eugene:” ok I won’t be long, I am just going to PnP and then come back home to my wife and my little girl”

Me:” just go already” he got dressed and then walked out. I wanted to clean up the bedroom but I wanted an apple first. I walked down to the kitchen. I heard the kitchen door open while I was still taking an apple from the fridge

Me:” forgot something?” I said closing the fridge and found a man I hardly knew starring back at me. He quickly closed my mouth with his hand…he had something that looked like a cloth that he used to close my mouth and then I passed out.

Eugene went to PnP and bought everything that Andani wanted. He was in a good mood. He had to call Paps and his sisters and inform them about the news or maybe he needed to wait a little longer, wait until she starts showing. The thought of having his own child felt like a dream. He finished shopping and drove back to the house. The kitchen door was open when he walked in. he frowned and shook his head walking in. Pregnant women have hormones and they make them do crazy things so trying to reason with Andani wasn’t worth it. He walked to the kitchen and found an apple on the floor and one of Andani’s sleepers…he shrugged shaking his head. He put the plastic bag on the table and walked to the bedroom. Andani was not there and the bed was still not made. He walked to the bathroom and still nothing. He walked back to the kitchen and that’s when he saw a note stuck on the fridge door. He frowned taking it. He read the note

“All I need is your spot in Brazil…give a word out that you are giving it to me and she will be back in one piece…Gola” he grinded his teeth

Life as we know it

Insert 130

EUGENE

I fell down on my knees and sobbed. I thought about how terrified Andani could be…the possibility of losing the baby again. I couldn’t bare it. A sat on the floor and knew that Gola was playing with fire. Taking Andani? The f*** did he think he was dealing with? Did he think that he was going to get away with this? One scratch from Andani and Gola could kiss this life goodbye. I regretted telling the guys who were guarding her to leave…I thought she wouldn’t need guards with me around…dammit!! I knew what I needed to do…I need to stop crying like a baby and be what Andani and my baby needed, I had to be someone who can save them instead of sitting here and cry. I took out my phone and dialled Lusani. Well he was my right hand man and I needed him. He picked up on the first ring

Me:” if I didn’t know better I’d say you were waiting for this call” he laughed

Lusani:” nahh I was actually playing a game…that’s how bored I am”

Me:” then you’ll be happy to know that you should come back here within a blink of an eye”

Lusani:” really?”

Me:” Gola took Andani”

Lusani:” the f*** is Gola?”

Me:” I have no idea at the moment but I am about to find out…I’ve heard about him but never met him…he wants Brazil but he won’t get it…so I am calling Paps right now to organise a private jet for you…I know our old man knows the right people”

Lusani:” he is right here…here talk to him” I waited for him to give the phone to the old man

Lusani:” its Eugene” he said to the old man

Paps:” Eugene” I smiled

Me:” Paps I need your help…please get a private jet for Lusani to come back to South Africa as soon as possible…booking a flight is not gonna cut it”

Paps:” is there a problem?”

Me:” nothing I can’t solve, I will tell you all about it later”

Paps:” he will be there in few hours”

Me:” thanks paps” I dropped the call. See? I knew I could count on my old man. I then called Sizwe

Sizwe:” boss”

Me:” my Monte Vista house now, bring Dendron with you”

Sizwe:” sure boss” I dropped the call and left the house and drove to my house in Monte Vista. That was my business house, that’s where everything I needed was. I wanted to cry so bad…I was nervous, I was scared…I didn’t want to lose either of them.

I got to my house and parked the car at the driveway…I was seriously shaking. I then called my contacts in Senegal and asked for Gola’s contacts...i knew that the guys there couldn’t disappoint…they were not my team though but I had a good working relationship with them, in this business you can’t be an island, you need allies. I was asked to wait for a while. So I waited for 10 minutes and a cellphone number was sent to me. I was told that Gola was in South Africa so I called the cellphone number provided

Gola: “Gola”

Me:” I got your message” I said with my most professional voice

Gola:” oww you must be the mighty Sir Gee”

Me:” the one and only”

Gola:” I’ve heard a lot about you”

Me:” scary stuff I am guessing”

Gola:” impressive I must say”

Me:” is this the part where you tell me that this is all just a prank and you are bringing her back? I mean you can’t honestly be blackmailing me…I refuse to believe that I am being blackmailed…given my history on this business…you should know better” I said sounding all strong and serious but hey I was a wreck but I just didn’t want Gola to know it. Gola laughed

Gola:” you think I will fly down to South Africa for some prank?”

Me:” if this is not a prank then you are really stupid…I want Andani back where you took her in one piece…you have an hour” Gola continued laughing

Gola:” no, you have 24 hours to give a word out that Brazil is mine…tell everyone that I will be running the drug line that side…I mean take the brothels as well…just let everyone know and she will be back to you” Eugene laughed

Me:” there is no amount that’s gonna be worthy of my pipeline in Brazil so forget it”

Gola:” amount? Who said I wanna pay any amount? I am sure that the little bitch over here is worth every penny…from what I’ve heard, you’ve been an absent boss since you met her, she’s been keeping you busy and softening you up…24 hours is all you got to hand it over to me”

Eugene:” 24 hours? I don’t need 24 hours, if you are killing her you better do it now and get it over with so that we can move on to the part where I start with my revenge…just do this quickly…I am not giving you s*** and I am actually getting pissed off at the fact that you thought I could tremble at the fact that you took some vagina from my house” well to be honest, I was actually trembling

Gola:” 24 hours”

Eugene:” I say kill her now because 24 hours is not gonna change s***” I dropped the call and put my hands on my face and sobbed.

I knew that this was a gamble…this was a f*****g gamble and I had to be convincing in order for it to work. I was hoping and praying that this Gola dude was not crazy enough to actually kill her. As for Brazil…I was not giving it away on a silver platter, Gola should go to hell. Rod worked so hard to get that pipeline so I was not going to just give it away…never. Besides that, giving in to Gola’s demands was going to open up a can of worms that I didn’t wanna see. Everyone would just walk in and take Andani or my child whenever they want something from me. So for my sake and my legacy’s sake…I had to be strong and risk everything for this. If I make it out with my wife still alive then I won’t have to deal with it again because I would appear as a heartless man who cares about nothing…not even the woman he is said to love. This is why I wanted to have a baby on my own terms…I honestly didn’t want a surprise baby because I knew that this was possible. I let out a deep sigh. There was a car driving inside the yard…it was probably Sizwe and Dendron. I cleaned myself up and got out of the car looking like a boss I really was. I was not allowed to show my emotions with my employees…that’s the kakest part of doing this business…you have to pretend like you don’t feel s*** because you can’t afford to lose your respect….people need to fear you, tremble at the mention of your name so crying was beside the point. I walked to the house as if I didn’t see the boys pulling up. I walked to the kitchen and waited on them. They walked in after few seconds

Sizwe:” boss”

Dendron:” Sir”

Me:” s*** is about to go down boys”

I said that and opened a cupboard and then removed a box of cereal and put my hand on the floor of the cupboard for the scanner. There was a beeping sound and then a door opened. Only my finger prints and Lusani’s fingerprints could open this basement. The boys knew about the basement so they were not at all shocked…we’ve all used it before during needy times like this…they knew that going inside the basement only meant that s*** was really about to hit the damn fan. We don’t go in here unless we are about to do some serious business. I walked in and they followed. They looked at me with looks full of questions but I guess they were afraid to ask…well that’s the effect I had on people.

Me:” so somebody flew all the way from their own f*****g country just to come and piss me off here”

Sizwe:” what’s happening?”

Me:” some guy named Gola want me to give him all my connections in Brazil…in fact he want the whole operation in exchange of my woman…he took her” the boys looked at me in shock

Dendron:” big stupid dreamer”

Sizwe:” very stupid if you ask me…so what do we do?”

Me:” Dendron you do what you do best…give me anything on this Gola guy…all I have right now is his name and his cellphone number. His name sounds familiar but I don’t remember when I heard about it. anyway…my contacts in Senegal gave me his contact numbers so in the process of digging him out…contact them for any leads…I want him”

Dendron was a computer geek…the boy could break into anything so he was a big asset. I was paying him big…I was also paying for his Varsity fees and pay for every expense in his life as well as supporting his family. All he had to do for me was show up whenever I wanted him. I was good with computers as well…I learned from Rod, that guy was a genius but hey…sometimes it’s good to have people do stuff for you because I couldn’t do everything by myself…while the boys were doing what I asked, I could have some more time to think

Me:” and Sizwe…do what you do best….get me his location…once Dendron has found his picture possibly…you can run satellite search and look for him…wherever he was spotted where there was a camera so find him” Sizwe was also a Computer Geek, he also studied Remote Sensing and all that mapping s*** so this boy could find a person anywhere in the world just by having their picture…if you ask me how he do that well I had no idea…all I know is that I was paying him some serious money for his skills. Sizwe was done with his studies already (I paid for that too) and worked at CSIR as a Scientist there…well I wasn’t complaining, in fact I am the one who got that job for him. I wanted the boys to have a normal life other than this…this was a part time job and they were too wiser to work in the streets distributing merchandise

Sizwe:” consider all of that done”

I sat on the chair and couldn’t stop thinking about her…what if they are torturing her? Or worse what if they were raping her. I got up and kicked the chair and screamed…I wasn’t cry but I was screaming because I was angry. sizwe and Dendron looked at me

Me:” back to the damn job now shall we?” I grumbled.

I started pacing around the room…damn my emotions were running away with me…if I get my hands on that Gola guy I would surely cut his limbs one by one as he feel each pain…he deserved to suffer for this. I called Lusani and his phone was off…he was probably in that plane already. I got out of the basement and left the boys there, they were probably going to take a little longer. I went to my bedroom and just cried. This was hard…there were parts of me that just wanted to surrender so that I can get her back but if I do that then this will be a regular routine and everyone will blackmail me so I had to do this…it was hard but it needed to be done.

To avoid cutting people and tryna kill them…I got out of the house and drove to the dance studio. I had to do something to control myself…I have to try and get my mind off things a bit otherwise it was gonna drive me insane…I should keep all the anger in check for when I finally meet this Gola. I got to the studio and found that there was no one there. That’s what I needed. I put on Jay-Z –Keys…if you ask me how one dance to that song then try having your pregnant fiancée kidnapped and your power as a gangster threatened…believe me you can dance to any song. i moved and I let all my emotions run away with me…I let it all out through my dancing…this was amazing, the way I could control my emotions just by dancing…the Doctor was right about this…if I didn’t start with the dancing then I’d be going insane right now and acting stupid which was going to cost me a lot. I put the song on repeat and danced and danced and danced. When I was tired….it must have been after an hour…I walked out of the studio sweating and tired. I got inside my car and drove back to the house. I was feeling much better. I got there and took a shower. I then walked down to the basement and the boys were still busy. Dendron presented to me some info about Gola…he was from Nigeria…a well-known drug lord there and he’s done few projects in the US too, he had few connections here and there but he was nothing that I couldn’t handle. I smiled and shook my…I mean some people can be big dreamers neh? Sizwe was still looking for his location so I had to wait on him. In the mean time I contacted my teams here in Cape Town to be ready….if this Gola was to be found….i had to make sure that we catch him…he was a drug lord so obviously he had a team of guys with machines to protect him so if I am to go to him then I should be armed.

I spent the whole day with Dendron and Sizwe trying to pin point where Gola could be but it was difficult. We now knew that he was somewhere in PE but we were struggling to get the exact location. We didn’t leave the house. I even ordered some food for both of us. Lusani called me in the early hours of the morning…yeah Mexico was far so he obviously spent hours on that jet. I walked to the gate to open for him. He was in a cab. He paid and the car left as soon as I opened the gate. He smiled walking towards me and I walked towards him. Even with everything that he did to me and how I treated him afterwards…this boy was my little brother and my son. I couldn’t help but smile too. I opened up my arms and I hugged him

Lusani:” thank you for asking me to come back” we broke the hug

Me:” thank you for coming”

Lusani:” so what’s happening?”

Me:” they took her…Gola took her”

Lusani: “ s*** you know this dude?”

Me:” I have some info on him…he want Brazil in exchange of her safety”

Lusani:” what? The whole of Brazil pipeline?”

Me:” not just a pipeline…the girls too”

Lusani:” this guy means business”

Me:” and he is not getting it”

Lusani:” but he could hurt Andani”

Ne:” he wouldn’t…no one could do that to me knowing full well what I am capable of. Don’t you see this? Giving in to his demand will only means that he will come back or someone else can come and say they want my spot in Senegal or anywhere else for that matter…I can’t have people blackmailing me like that…giving in to someone’s demands is not what Rod would have done”

Lusani:” Eugene you know what this means right? They could do unspeakable things to her”

Me:” you don’t have to remind me…I am scared bro…the last time I was this scared is when Rod died and I had to control everything by myself”

Lusani:” since you are not giving in to this guy’s demands…lets figure out what to do”

Me:”let’s go in” We walked inside the house and then down to the basement. I updated Lusani on all the info we gathered about this guy.

I received a call on my phone at about five in the morning

Me:” Gee”

Gola:” you haven’t done it yet”

Me:” and I am not going to do it” i walked away from everyone else and Lusani followed me

Gola:” stop acting like you don’t care”

Me:” I am not acting…I would like you to stop acting like you know me…and ow, one more interesting info about the woman you have there…she is carrying my child so I would like you to ask around about who I really am and what I am capable of. Kill my woman and my child and I will destroy you and your little family, yeah I know about the wife and kids you keep hidden…I won’t even kill them…I will torture them day in and day out with you watching them….i will get rid of your little pipeline…everything you own will be destroyed and become nothing…no one will remember you or your name for that matter. So free her and save yourself all that trouble or kill her and I will come to you with everything that I have. You don’t get to blackmail me…not even your boss can do that…who do you think you are?” Lusani looked at me with all his eyes out

Gola:” you think you know me huh? Acting like you don’t care? Here, talk to her” I started swallowing, I didn’t want to talk to her, talking to her will weaken me

Andani:” Eugene? Baby” she was crying

Me:” Andani” there was no emotion in my voice

Andani:” baby please just give them what they want….i am scared Eugene” she sobbed. I looked at Lusani whose eyes were teary

Me:” I am sorry cupcake…I can’t do that…give Gola the phone” I was breathing hard

Gola:” changed your mind?”

Me:” kill her…you are not getting Brazil, I won’t give it to you” I said that and dropped the call. I sat on the sofa…I couldn’t help the tears, I tried to keep strong but I couldn’t

Me:” he will call me back…I know he will call me within 10 minutes”

Lusani:” Eugene call that man now? What if he don’t call you?”

Me:” then it’s done” I said looking at Lusani with my teary face

Lusani:” Eugene no” I shook my head looking on the floor

Sizwe:” boss they will hurt your woman”

Me:” let them do it….i am not about to sell myself to some small town gangster…let him hurt her and then I will destroy him”

Lusani:” is it worth it? The business? Is it worth her?”

Me:” Lusani shut the f*** up ok? This is business and sometimes in business you take hard decisions so for now we wait” I couldn’t even breathe properly…my whole body was shaking...the thought of losing Andani and my baby….Lord help this Gola guy to commit suicide after this because I will do to him what has never been done to anyone before. I sat there with my head spinning.

Sizwe:” I got him” my eyes shot open

Lusani:” I hope she is still alive when we get there”