Insert 101
I sat in the living room for a while watching Tebogo and Thabeleng play with my son. Eugene walked down after a while. He looked hot, he was dressed up for her and I felt jealous, I wished I didn’t turn down the offer to go with him. I swallowed as I reminded myself that I should trust him, I reminded myself that I was the one that he was in love with. He took my hand and walked with me to the door
Eugene:” I won’t be long ok?” I gave him a faint smile
Me:” see you in a short while then and thanks for doing this” he kissed me
Eugene:” anything for you” I walked him out to the car. I looked at him as he climbed into his car and drove away and I walked inside the house suddenly feeling sad.
I walked to my room and took off my clothes, wrapped a towel around my body and walked to the bathroom. I showered quickly and went back to the bedroom to change. I then remembered that I made love to Eugene yesterday and the day before that…72 hours wasn’t over yet, I could still get the morning after pill and who knows maybe they would work. I thought about it again, did I want a baby? I think I wanted one but I was not sure if Eugene was ready. Well I shove the thought about the morning after pill at the back of my mind, Eugene was fond of my son I didn’t see why he wouldn’t want his own baby. Plus if I fall pregnant then it would be for me, I didn’t want to have babies after I was 35, if I can have at least three kids before 35 then that’s cool. I got dressed and went down to join the others.
Eugene drove out of the house and drove straight to Katlego’s place. She was renting a flat in Pretoria Centurion. He knew her flat very well, he was the one renting it anyway….it basically belonged to him. He had already contacted her regarding their meeting. He got to the complex and texted her and she came to open for him. He drove in and parked the car close to her flat. She followed after him; he got out of the car as soon as she approached
Kat:” hey” she said walking to him for a hug
Eugene:” I am here as your boss” he said before she could reach him. His voice was cold and that broke Katlego’s heart even more. It was as if he hated her…like she disgusted him, she thought.
Kat:” let’s go in then” she said with a low voice. He walked after her to her flat. She opened the door and they walked in. she was wearing some leggings and a tank top and some sneakers, she didn’t look bad…her weave was combed and make up was on fleek. Eugene walked straight to the lounge and sat on the couch and crossed his legs. Katlego sat opposite him
Kat:” you said its business…is there a new assignment?” there was no interest in her voice, it was obvious that she was not keen on the subject at hand
Eugene:” no, I am letting you go” she gave him a questioning look, he was looking straight at her eyes
Eugene:” you are fired, your services won’t be needed anymore…I will give you some cash to start over and I will grant you back your qualifications and real Identity back”
Kat:” last time I checked my real Identity was declared as dead on the South African home affairs system, my qualifications didn’t exist anymore…so you are saying you want to give me all that back?” she said wanting to cry
Eugene:” all of it…I have someone on the process of doing so as we speak…Katlego Mabele will be very much alive in a couple of days and your qualifications will be very much valid…I can even add more qualifications that you want” she got up and paced around room with one hand on her hips
Eugene:” you’re not going to say anything?”
Kat:” why? What do I have to do? Whatever it is that you want me to do it must be big” she said wiping off her tears
Eugene:” nothing” she sat down in front of him and looked straight into his eyes
Kat:” I don’t believe you, you have owned me for years now and I should just believe that you woke up this morning and decide to let me go? Something is up…do you want to kill me? What kind of game is this?”
Eugene:” well something did happen…Andani happened” she rolled her eyes
Kat:” what does she has anything to do with this?”
Eugene:” she actually has everything to do with it, she asked me to let you go, this is her request” Kat couldn’t hide the shock in her face
Kat:” and you did it without a question and without anything in return?” he shook his head. She wiped the tears that were now falling
Kat:” you really love her” she sobbed
Eugene:” you are supposed to be excited, unless you are fine with the present situation”
Kat:” but I want you, what will I do with my freedom without you? Eugene you have proven a point and I get it…just snap out of it already…you know that we belong together” Eugene stood up
Eugene:” this is why I wanted her to come with me because I couldn’t deal with this…this obsession you have towards me…we are done Kat you know that”
Kat:” so it’s not just you trying to get back at me?”
Eugene:” why would I do that? I have already done that in ways that pleases me…I have fucked up your life and that was punishment enough…this…Andani has nothing to do with what I shared with you, I am in love with her” she went quiet for a while
Kat:” I am sorry for everything, I really am”
Eugene:” its water under the bridge Kat, that’s why I also think it’s a good idea to let you go”
Kat:” but I love you”
Eugene:” you don’t, I think you love my money and you also love the power that comes with being with me….you want to run the business that’s what you love…not me, if you did love me you wouldn’t have cheated on me and fall pregnant with his child right?”
Kat:” but Eugene you never had time for me, you were always out on a work trip every single day I got bored”
Eugene:” you don’t have to try and explain it I know i wasn’t around but you never complained because you had access to all my money….you were more like my wife….if I wasn’t around enough then you should have told me or leave me but you didn’t….you repeatedly slept with him right under my nose and in my house and when I found out you told me you were leaving me for him” she went dead silent
Eugene:” see Kat? I just can’t deal with you anymore…you are free as from now on so get the f*** out of my life and my sisters life… if I hear anything about you and Thaby again…I will get you killed, and I mean it” she breathed with fear visible in her eyes
Kat:” ok now that we are partying ways…you sure you don’t wanna see my daughter? You’ve never agreed to see her” Eugene grabbed her and pinned her against the wall, his eyes were blazing fire
Eugene:” you mean the child you conceived in my house with that bloody moron of yours? Why would I wanna see her? She is yours not mine” he let her go
Kat:” but Andani also has a child”
Eugene:” yes she does but she didn’t cheat on me in order to conceive that child” he said that and walked to the door
Eugene:” Lusani will be in contact with you on how everything will go. Don’t ever think of contacting me…I am done with you” he opened the door
Kat:” you know I gave up on you, I never thought you were capable of real love…you never showed it to me…you treated me like I was a wife you married 20 years ago…you never shared with me real romance and I gave up on you, that’s why I cheated and that’s why I was ready to leave you when you found out but when I saw you with her, the things you do together…you are capable of love Eugene, I know you are and that’s why I came back” he breathed holding a door handle with one hand
Eugene:” have you been doing what I am thinking? You’ve been following me and her around right?”
Kat:” I was curious to know what was really going on between you two, you spend more time with her than you did with me during our whole relationship”
Eugene:” I can’t believe you used my resources to follow me…for the record Kat, I did love you, in my own way I did but you broke me…nothing can be fixed and I want you to move on with your life and forget about me”
He walked out of the house with his head spinning. Everything that happened with Kat was nearly the same as what Andani did to him, the only difference was that he managed to forgive her. Did he? Did he forgive her or he’s just been so desperate for her love that he overlooked the anger he is still carrying? He thought of the twins they had lost and the fact that they might have been Ria’s. He walked inside the car and cried. He loved Andani though, he knew for sure that he loved her but…she has hurt me so bad. He shook his head… snap out of it Eugene, Ria is gone, it’s not like she will go back to him. He thought as he started the car. But that was the big problem…Ria was gone and there was no telling if Andani was faithful, or if she is just being faithful now because Ria was no longer around, would she still be with him if Ria wasn’t dead? With the questions on his mind he drove straight to the house.
ANDANI
I was in his bedroom trying to take a nap when he opened the door
Me:”hey”
Eugene:” hi” ok there was a vibe there, something was not right…he was in a foul mood
Me:” how did it go?”
Eugene:” do I make you happy?” what? Where was that coming from now? He said sitting on the couch and looked straight at me
Me:” uhm where is that coming from?” I sat up
Eugene:” my question is very simple”
Me:” of course you do…I am happy, look at me” I smiled
Eugene:” sexually I mean” I still smiled
Me:” babe you are the best you know that too…just think about last night, I slept like a baby because you showed me some magic” I said with another smile…he didn’t smile back or said anything else, he just gave me thee look that didn’t give much away. After few minutes of him staring at me like I was his worst enemy I decided to say something
Me:” Eugene what’s going on? And why are you looking at me like that?”
Eugene:” if Ria was still around would you be here with me? Or with him?” what kind of sick question was that?
Me:” you killed him Eugene, you should have thought about that before feeding that hungry bloody jealous of yours…now you will never know” I was angry and wanting to cry…how dare he ask me something like that?
Eugene:” I need an answer Andani” it sounded more like a command. I got out of bed
Me:” you are not getting it” if Eugene was going to be like this at times then I had to show him that I could be his match too, I was not going to let him push me around and tremble every time he pull that gangster face of his. I walked out of the door
Life as we know it
Insert 102
I walked out of the door and all the way down to the lounge. The girls and my son were no longer there, I wondered where they had gone but I couldn’t be thinking about their whereabouts at that moment. I was angry and worried. He had killed Ria, was that not enough? Why was he feeling like he was competing with a dead man? The man he had killed. Something must have happened at Kat’s, why was I even surprised, I knew from the word go that the whole thing was a bad idea but no…I decided to be mother Teresa and stuck my nose where I wasn’t supposed to…look at how that worked out for me? I was the one crying now and Kat must be laughing wherever she was, maybe they even made love. I was walking straight to the door when he called
Eugene:” Andani wait” I wanted to leave, to be out of there, I don’t know where I wanted to go but I just wanted to be away from him
Me:” stay away from me” I was opening the door and walking out. He walked fast and reached me within a minute
Eugene:” come, let’s talk about this in private…I can’t risk my sisters seeing us doing this, I can’t have your son seeing us doing this ok?” he had that apologetic look on his face
Me:” right now I don’t care about anything, I don’t care about s***, you killed him Eugene, you had him killed and you’re gonna stand in front of me and ask me such a stupid question? How could you? Was it Kat? Did you sleep with her? So she was so damn good that you had to come back here and look for an excuse to leave me right?” he quickly took me in his arms with my body upside down and my legs hanging on his chest and my head on his back with his hands holding my ass. He walked up the stairs without saying another word. This is when the reality kicked in, what if he had an agreement with her and he was leaving me? What if he had realised that she was an asset to his dealings and can’t let her go? We got to the bedroom and he closed and locked the door and then put me down
Eugene:” you are never ever going to do anything like that ever again Andani, no matter how angry you are…we don’t argue anywhere else but in our bedroom…what if your son was around? What if my sisters were around? What example will we be setting?”
Me:” enough about acting like Mr. Goody two shoes here…what happened with Kat? Why did you come back here and ask me those questions? Was it something she said?” he went and sat on the bed
Me:” Eugene?”
Eugene:” I did what you wanted, she is free”
Me:” and?”
Eugene:” and what?”
Me:” why did you ask if I’d go back to him? He is gone and you know that, why would you ask me that? I am sitting here in your bed and you ask me such a question?”
Eugene:” maybe the right question to ask would be…do you really wanna be here?” what? What happened to him? Why was he asking all this? For some reason that question stung, it inflicted so much pain…why was he doubting me?
Me:” Eugene why are you doing this to us? To yourself? You know that I want to be here you know how much I love you, why are you still questioning my love for you?” I was shouting
Eugene:” because I am scared dammit?” he shouted back that’s not the answer I expected
Eugene:” Kat fell pregnant with another man’s child while she was still with me,…and you…well you know what you did….talking to her reminded me of the pain you caused me and instead of really be angry at you….i am scared” he had his back against me
Me:” Eugene”
Eugene:” what if you get tired of me? What if I fail to make you happy? What if I get consumed in my world and don’t treat you right? What if just like Katlego you go out seeking attention from another man? i….that pain almost killed me, when I found out about you….it broke me” I breathed putting both my hands on my head, what was I supposed to say now? We are back to square one, him unable to forget what I did
Me:” I will never do that again, it will never happen again” he chuckled
Eugene:” like the last time it happened you told me before hand” ok now he was seriously pushing it and I was losing my cool
Me:” Eugene stop acting all innocent here ok? I thought we were past this, I thought this was over. Don’t forget the fact that I went to him because I thought you were sleeping with Kat…it was because of her and even now…this is all because of her, we are fighting because you talked to her”
Eugene:” second time when you ran to him? Was that Kat too?”
Me:” Eugene you took everything from me and I needed to get away. I tried to contact Vhusani but she wasn’t around so I needed someone to help”
Eugene:” and that someone was him”
Me:” yes it was him and he had no plan to sleep with me and neither did I, that’s why he booked me a hotel room and left…Eugene why are we even doing this right now?” I think I was starting to understand why this was happening. Eugene and I never got the chance to talk about all this, in fact we never really did because there was an issue of his other life on the table and that’s what we focused more attention on, he didn’t deal with the anger
Eugene:” I don’t know why I am doing this right now but I feel….”
Me:” it doesn’t matter what you feel” I said getting up and walking to him
Eugene:” ow really it doesn’t?” he was fuming
Me:” you love me and I love you that are all that matters” I got to him and stood in front of him holding his hands but he brushed me off
Eugene:” but…” he breathed, I had no idea how I was going to do what I had in mind, Eugene was taller than me. I walked to him again; this time around I didn’t give him the chance to think or to brush me off. I stepped on his toes and wrapped my hands around his neck and moved his head toward me
Eugene:” Andi”
Me:” don’t stop me” I said in a commanding voice, I figured that sometimes I had to try and calm him down, I had to try and control him…maybe this was the way to control Eugene. I kissed him slowly without his response. When I pushed my tongue inside his mouth I felt him kissing me back and then his hands grabbed my hips and I knew I got him
Eugene:” I am scared I will lose this” he said and kissed me so hard that my lips hurt, his hands felt like they wanted to squeeze me to death
Me:” I know and I am sorry for everything in the past” he took me and threw me on the bed and he came on for more kissing
Me:” just know that I love you and I will never ever hurt you again…I love you Gee, I love everything about you” I said breathing as he was busy kissing me… I felt his body relaxing and the kisses became more passionate and not rough
Eugene:” never?” he had stopped and was looking into my eyes
Me:” never” he buried his face between my neck and my shoulder and held me so tight
Me:” I love you and only you…I have made a mistake in the past but it won’t happen again I promise…I am scared too you know” I was brushing his head with my hand
Eugene:” of losing me?”
Me:” yes…it’s hard to imagine my life without you, so whatever happens cupcake, just remember that we love each other ok? Don’t doubt me”
Eugene:” I am sorry for everything I did here today” he was whispering
Me:” its fine”
Eugene:”is it?”
Me:” yes”
Eugene:” I love you more than words can explain, it scares me sometimes…but you mean a hell lot to me”
Later that evening we were having dinner when my phone rang. I picked it up and it was my mom. Well she was wondering if I was still on my way as I had said that I was coming back home on Sunday. I had already forgotten about going back, I was so comfortable with being with Eugene that I forgot about home. I told her I was not sure when I will be back but I will surely let her know. Well she tried to ask for more info but I told her that I just wanted to spend some more time with a friend.
So after dinner we both went to our separate bedrooms and Eugene and I went to ours. We just got into bed when Eugene said
Eugene:” I think we should go somewhere”
Me:” huh?”
Eugene:” yeah on a holiday…after everything that happened, we deserve a break” he smiled
Me:” ow that sounds like great news” I was smiling
Eugene:” by tomorrow morning come up with a suggestion of where we will have to go…we gonna have to be away for a week or two…I promise you I won’t be working during that time, I will leave someone in charge” he kissed my forehead
Me:” so should I think about Mzansi or we can also go abroad?” he chuckled
Eugene:” I might not look rich but love I am a rich a man, I can afford to take you anywhere you wanna go…any place and I will take you there” damn I giggled
Me:” you mean anywhere?”
Eugene:” anywhere”
Me:” mhm so we can even make our second born huh?” his smile faded
Eugene:” already?”
Me:” what do you mean already?”
Eugene:” after everything that happened, I am happy to raise Omphu for now, I don’t think we need an addition to our little family don’t you think? There has been a lot of fighting lately…let’s just enjoy life for now without more babies, one baby is fine and we already have that” ow so he didn’t want kids anymore?
Me:” I thought you wanted kids”
Eugene:” I still want them babe but right now I don’t want to share you with anyone, not even our new born baby…I want you all to myself, at least Omphu is old enough now” made sense
Me:” I better start with contraceptives then” I was not too happy with the while no baby thing
Eugene:” you better….i love you”
Me:”I love you too” we kissed
Life as we know it
Insert 103
The following morning I woke up and he wasn’t in bed. I got out of bed and then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and then wash my face. I then walked to the bedroom and wore his gown and walked out of the room. His gown was big of course but I loved wearing his clothes, it felt good. I got to the lounge and no one was there, I proceeded all the way to the kitchen and still nothing. I frowned as I ask myself where everyone was. I walked out of the door to check if all the cars were still on the drive way. I smiled when I spotted Eugene playing soccer with Omphu in the garden. I stood at the stoop folding my hands on my arms with a huge grin on my face. Eugene was really in love with my son and that made me happy. I guess being with him wasn’t that bad after all. I mean underneath the monster, there was still a loving family man, the kind of man that every woman dream about. I decided not to interrupt them but to make them some food instead.
I walked to the kitchen and decided on some old fashioned soft porridge, my son loved that but I was not sure if Eugene would eat that too so I decided to start preparing an English breakfast for him. I was busy starting on my soft porridge when my phone rang. I took it out of the gown pocket; I looked at the screen and couldn’t recognise the number. I frowned as I pressed accept
Me:“hello”
“hi” I raised my eye brows
Me:” uhm”
“it’s Kat, Katlego”
Me:” uhm Katlego what can I do for you?” I couldn’t even hide the shock as I talk to her
Kat:” uhm I am not sure really” what? Was she ok up there?
Me:” you called me so there has to be a reason? If not I will hang up now”
Kat:”don’t, don’t hang up…well I guess I should be thanking you, I am a free woman now and he said it’s because of you”
Me:” it’s my pleasure I guess” I heard her huffing
Kat:” I still love him you know, sometimes I don’t know if its love or if it’s the fact that I have suffered way too much on his hands that I think I am the only one who deserve to be with him…does that even make sense?” I rolled my eyes, why was she telling me this?
Me:” no not at all”
Kat:” yeah I know it doesn’t, but love never does anyway…I hope you don’t hurt him, I hope you love him the way he deserves to be loved”
Me:” ok Katlego I don’t mean to be rude or anything but you’ve hurt him so bad, and now you think you have earned the right to give me an advice on how to go about my relationship? Please just stay away”
Kat:” ow, uhm I am sorry then, bye” she dropped the call.
I held the phone on my hand as I try to figure out the reason for her call…why did she have to call me? I snapped out of it and decided to focus on the positive side of my life. I continued preparing food for my two boys outside. It was a Monday so Tebogo was obviously at work and Thabeleng at school. I put the food on the tray after I was done preparing and walked out of the house. I put the tray on the stoop and walked in the house for a blanket. When I came back Eugene and Omphu were already standing there.
Eugene:” you are heaven sent, we are seriously starving”
Me:” I thought as much” I laid the blanket neatly on the floor and we all sat down
Eugene:” mhm the soft porridge is for all of us?”
Me:”well…I didn’t think you were gonna like it, the other plate with the English breakfast is yours…I will eat the soft porridge with Omphu” he frowned
Eugene:” who said I wanted fancy food? Love you are going to eat your English breakfast and the soft porridge is for me and my son” he took the bowl and a spoon, I sighed
Me:”wow really? But you usually love this breakfast plus you’ve never eaten soft porridge in my presence, I thought you don’t like it”
Eugene:” well now you know…come here my boy, time for us to eat” he smiled together with Omphu
Omphu:” yeyyyy” he clapped his hands and Eugene did the same too, I shook my head smiling
Me:” you two though”
Eugene:” leave us alone please” he ate the food as he was busy feeding my son as well
Eugene:” have you thought about the holiday thingy?” he was swallowing his food, Omphu was eating and singing at the same time
Me:” yeah I have”
Eugene:” ok I am kinda excited….where are we going and when?”
Me:” well we leave in a month’s time”
Eugene:” what? A month?”
Me:” hear me out first”
Eugene:” ok?”
Me:” I was serious about you seeing a shrink Gee, you have lot of issues and I will feel better knowing that you are doing something about them”
Eugene:” tjoo” I was not sure what “tjoo” was supposed to mean
Me:” so we will book your first session maybe for tomorrow if we can find a good shrink who is open tomorrow and then we can book three more sessions in advance, one per each week”
Eugene:” you really are serious about this thing huh?” he was not too happy
Me:” yeah I am serious and you should too. After your first session we can drive down to Venda…I want you to meet my sister, I will organise with her so that we can spend at least a week or a weekend down there…and then I will let you know where our holiday will be, you’ll love it though” he smiled
Eugene:” a light at the end of the tunnel” he breathed, I smiled
Me:” I don’t think the sessions will be that bad though, you might enjoy them for all we know” he smiled
Eugene:” deep down you know that’s not true, I battled talking to you about this, now imagine talking to a total stranger”
Me:” you will be fine plus I will be there with you”
Eugene:” ok after this we will have to search for the doctor and make an appointment asap…I wanna see this shrink so that we can drive to Venda, I can’t wait to meet your sister and her husband”
Me:” I can’t wait for you to meet them too”
So after breakfast we spent an hour or so looking for the experienced shrink and we finally found one with good reviews. So we called up her practice and made an appointment for the following day. Lucky us…she had an hour open between 12:00 and 13:00 and that’s when our appointment was. Dr Britz’s practice was very expensive but Eugene was not bothered by that, he had the money after all.
The following morning Eugene and I got ready to go to the Doctor. We didn’t have anyone to look after my son so we took him to the day care for the day. We walked to Dr Britz’s office and got there just before 12:00. We waited for few minutes before we were asked to go in for consultation. We found Dr Britz sitting on her chair and she got up as soon as she saw us walk in.
“hey Good afternoon” she said extending her hand
Eugene:” afternoon to you too” he was shaking her hand
Me:” hello” I shook her hand too
Dr:” uhm you can kindly sit down” she was signalling to the two chairs that were in front of her desk
“thank you” we all said together
Dr:” uhm thank you for making this appointment to see me, my name is Dr Alyssa Britz but I encourage my patients to call me Alyssa because it helps make our sessions more friendly”
Eugene:” ok thanks, you can call me Eugene and this right here is my fiancée Andani” she smiled, she seemed friendly
Dr:” ow thanks Eugene and Andani…so why are you guys here this afternoon?” I looked at Eugene who looked at me and then on the floor
Me:” uhm actually this is about him, he has some issues from the past and those issues affects our relationship so we are hoping that you will help him” she kept nodding as I was talking
Dr:” ok I see, in situations like this, I would prefer to have one on one session with him alone”
Eugene:” what?” I also didn’t like that idea, I wanted to be here
Dr:” he need to deal with his issues all by himself without worrying about how his fiancée will react or what she will think…being here alone with me will help him reach deeper into the seeds of everything that he has been battling with” ok now that she explained it, it made sense
Me:” ow ok it makes sense” I was nodding
Dr:” Eugene what do you think?”
Me:” i honestly don’t want to do this alone” he gave me that nervous look of his
Eugene:” please Andi I want you here, convince her that I need you” shame my heart broke, he seemed scared to do this
Me:” babe you will be fine, it’s better if I am outside ok? You gonna be fine and remember why you are doing this…you are doing this for us, for our kids, your sisters, paps and for grams ok?” he looked at me and nodded
Eugene:” I love you”
Me:” I love you more” I got up and walked out of the room and waited at the waiting room.
I decided to call my sister and inform her about my visit with Eugene and that I wanted us to spend some time together with her and her husband.
Back inside the Dr’s consultation room
Doc:” so Eugene why are you here?” she asked looking straight at him with a smile on her face
Eugene:” well my fiancée feels that it would help me being here and that’s why I am here, as a qualified Doctor who studied years to listen to people’s problem and make money out of it then you are supposed to know how to fix me” he said with a straight face while his back was against the chair with his head tilted to the right
Doc:” I kind of expected that but anyway, why do you think she wants you here? There has to be a reason, something is not right and I think that’s why you agreed to come”
Eugene:” I don’t know if you forgot but you didn’t tell me about the Doctor patient confidentiality, please share some light on that” he still had his serious look on
Doc:” ow I thought that goes without a saying but anyway, let me tell you that whatever I discuss with you here will never be spoken of to anyone, not even your fiancée or the police or another Doctor for that matter, that information will only be between us”
Eugene:” and you make notes or record the things I say right?”
Doctor:” depending on the intensity of the problem that the patient may be facing then I may record but I first listen while writing notes then if I feel that I may need to work on the patient a little harder then I start recording” he chuckled shaking his head and then reached at the back of his jean and took out a gun and pointed at her. The woman started shaking immediately and froze unable to talk or scream. He stood up with a gun pointed at the Doctor
Eugene:” I need all the notes and all the tapes of your patients in this office?”
Doc:”uhm…eh…ahh” she was shaking and looking around the office unable to talk. He stopped pointing a gun at her and put it back where he took it and sat down
Eugene:” see? I don’t buy the whole confidentiality shit…you would have given me all the damn tapes and notes right?” she held her throat as if unable to breath. She reached for a jug of water and poured some in a glass spilling some water in the process…she drank the whole glass with her hands shaking
Eugene:” that was just a demonstration of what might happen when I start talking to you…people can barge in here and demand the tapes of me confessing all my sins to you and you’ll give the tapes to them because you are obviously terrified of guns”
Doc:” uhm…I”
Eugene:” with the confidentiality of this whole thing still in question I don’t see how we can continue…I can’t risk anyone finding out about the things I can disclose to you. Don’t get me wrong, I wanna do this for my woman because I want to be better for her but I need some sort of a guarantee that whatever I say stays between us, I wanna make sure that next time I come in here then this office won’t be bugged” she looked at him and blinked
Doc:” how do you suggest we do that?” he smiled and leaned closer to the table
Eugene:” we will do these sessions in my own house and no tape will be recorded, you are allowed to make notes which I will keep in my safe, I promise you I won’t read them…If you wanna study the notes some more then you can spend some more time in my house” she looked at him and took a deep breath
Doc:” I am sorry I don’t th-“
Eugene:” I can triple your hourly rate for this…or I can even pay more I don’t mind…my fiancée want me to do this and beside that, I also feel that if there is a chance of me getting some sort of help then I should try this out”
Doc:” ok uhm you will have to book me for two hours as I will have to travel to your house, you will pay for my travel expenses and then triple everything as you said?”
Eugene:” that’s the deal”
Doc:” make an appointment for sometime this week and then we can start our sessions then” Eugene smiled
Eugene:” sure Doc” he cracked a smile but the doctor seemed rather scared than pleased about their agreement
Life as we know it
Insert 104
Eugene walked out of the room much sooner than I expected. I frowned at him realising that he has only been there for just about 10 minutes, maybe less than that.
Me:” what is going on?” I was hoping and praying that he was not quitting
Eugene:” I will explain” he walked to the reception and stood there for a while talking to the receptionist. I was sitting on the chair losing my cool, I wanted to understand why it didn’t happen. He then walked to me and held out his hand, I held his hand and got up
Me:” Eugene don’t tell me you decided to quit please, I told you that this was important to me” he smiled
Eugene:” your lack of faith in me is a little bit disappointing” he said taking my hand and kissing it
Me:”ow..k if you didn’t quit then why are you out?”
Eugene:” I have scheduled another appointment for this Thursday and three more for the following weeks as you suggested”
Me:” ow” I was confused though, I was still wondering why today’s session didn’t happen
Me:” I still don’t get what happened to this session though”
Eugene:” well I was not impressed about the confidentiality of this place” I frowned. We got to the car and he opened the door for me. I got in and he closed the door. After closing he went to his side and got in
Me:” Eugene Doctors don’t disclose information about their patients, whatever you say will be safe with her” he laughed
Eugene:” nahh I don’t think so, I did a little demonstration for her and it didn’t go very well”
Me:” what demonst….no you didn’t” he didn’t scare the poor woman away….ow shame
Eugene:” I had to, I can’t just start talking to her and next thing you know McCarthy will get hold of the tapes so I am not taking any risk” I looked at him rolling my eyes
Me:” Eugene tell me you didn’t point her with a gun? Please tell me you didn’t?” he just looked at me and not say a word
Me:” so you did…why does everything have to be about guns? This was supposed to be as easy as you talking to the Doctor and then we walk out…what’s so difficult about just being civil? How would McCarthy even know about this?” I was now a little upset
Eugene:” You don’t honestly believe that McCarthy let me go do you? I am sure he is still monitoring me from a far and having me being seen here every week will draw attention and some questions…Andi they can bug this place or simply just take the tapes in here and that will be the end of me…we don’t want something like that now do we?” ok this man was more cleverer than I ever thought. I never thought of that…well I guess my mind can’t function like his, he is an international criminal who sure think like one
Me:” I got myself a wise man didn’t I?” I was seriously impressed and felt proud to be his
Eugene:” love I am not just a thug…I went to varsity and studied how people’s mind works and how these cops do their business” I smiled
Me:” now I understand why you studied criminal law but never worked on the field…I always wondered why you studied it but then decide to be in business” he smiled
Eugene:” a man got to know what he is up against love...i also did a bit of Psychology…I had to understand how our minds work you know” I shook my head smiling a bit
Me:” you really want this life don’t you? You don’t see yourself getting out?” I had a serious look on my face and deep inside it hurt to know that in his head he was programmed to live for this life of crime. He went to varsity and studied relevant courses to help him be a better thug….Eugene was seriously messed up and I was determined to try and get him fixed
Eugene:” can we change the subject? I don’t like that little look of yours, it’s a look of worry” I smiled feeling impressed about the fact that he knew me so well
Me:” just tell me, it’s not like I will leave” he chuckled
Eugene:” ok if I say I regret what I am or the life I am living then I will be lying to you. I love being me, I love the power that I have and I also love the fact that I just snap my fingers and people run like headless chickens trying to impress me….i love everything about it. it’s what I’ve been groomed to do since I was 15 and I dreamt of being the best in the business and that’s why I decided to study for it. it’s my passion, it’s in my blood Andi, it’s something that I can’t get rid of” well I refuse to believe that he was destined for thugcation…I wanted to believe that he could be better, that he could leave this life and be a normal human being….with the power I held over him I wanted to use that to change him. I don’t know if it was possible but it was worth a try. I could try make him leave this life. it won’t happen overnight, it might even take a decade but it was a task worth trying.
Me:” that’s not all…there are things you are afraid to say and I want you to say them…I want you to feel free with me, not to be afraid to say things” he smiled and leaned over to kiss me
Eugene:” ok I enjoy playing with people’s mind…making them pay for doing me wrong or for trying to play me….i enjoy making them surfer very very much. And more than anything else I love the dripping of blood from someone like my dad…that for me is life… but don’t worry…I am willing to give up the last part for you”
Me:” I don’t even know how I got here” he learned on to me again and kissed me
Eugene:” love brought you here” we giggled
Eugene:” so where to from here? We have the whole afternoon to ourselves”
Me:” shopping? I can do with some new outfits I mean when I came here I intended to only spend the weekend”
Eugene:” ok shopping it is then”
So we drove to the mall where we did a hell lot of shopping. Eugene had money so I was trying to enjoy the benefits of having a rich man. I bought myself lot of clothes in different boutiques. We also bought him, my son and his sisters some clothes as well. When we were done we decided to go to the salon where I was going to get my hair done
Me:” I don’t even know what to do to my hair you know”
Eugene:” mhm you can go bold for all I care, I will still be madly in love with you” I giggled
Me:” me bold? In your dreams” he laughed out loud
Eugene:” me dreaming about you being bold? That would be an insult, I only dream about scary stuff sweety” we looked at each other and burst out laughing. Well, being engaged to a troubled thug wasn’t that bad after all, I was living my life and I was happy. I think at this point I was happier than I ever were at first. I mean when I first met him I could sense there was something, I was having trust issues and having difficulty accepting that he was genuine. But now that I knew everything there was to know about him….i was totally convinced that he loved me and that I was here to stay.
Eugene:” ok care to share what you are grinning about?” I didn’t realise that I was looking at him smiling
Me:” I just realised how much I love you and how happy you make me” I walked to the chair and sat down to get my hair done. I didn’t want a weave or anything planted on my head so I just got it relaxed and that’s it. When I was done we walked hand in hand to the car. His phone rang when we were reaching the car
Eugene:” I have to take this” he walked away from me to answer the call.
I walked to the car feeling a bit…well I don’t even know how I was feeling but I didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t answer his phone on my presence. Was I being insecure? I should trust him I guess. He had the car keys with him so I stood leaning against the car looking at him. The conversation he was having seemed intense and it seemed like he was shouting. I could see him waving his hands in the air and looking at his face…he was damn angry. After a while he walked back to me and I knew better than to say anything. The look on his face was not the “hi Andani your man is back” but it was a look of “don’t even dare talk funny because I mean business right now” I just stood there not even looking at him. He unlocked the vehicle and I didn’t wait for him to open the door for me…I quickly opened and got in. he got in on his side and quickly started the car. He then looked at me
Eugene:” I love you ok?” he was breathing hard and that statement sounded more like a warning…what did I do now? Why was he like this? He was tense and I could see from his face that he was insanely pissed
Me:”i…I love you too” lord am I afraid of my own fiancé?
Eugene:” uhm I am going to drop you at home ok? I have some business to take care of…do you mind?” I wondered why he asked me if I mind…what if I say I do? What happens then? Would he not attend to the business?
Me:” I do mind” I said as my breathing escalate…I was just testing the waters, I wanted to see what his reaction would be. If I was going to marry Eugene and have his kids then I had to understand him. I had to understand if we could live like equals even when he was on his thug mode.
Eugene:”ow” he frowned and reversed the car without saying anymore word. We drove home in total silent.
We got there and he parked the car on the drive way and quickly got out and came to my side and opened the door for me. He then scoped me up and carried me all the way to the house. At this moment I am as shocked as you are and I am also scared because the look on his face was far from being friendly. He put me on the floor as soon as we got inside the house
Eugene:” so you say you mind if I go attend to some business?”
Me:” yes I wanna know what kind of business”
Eugene:” I am not gonna tell you that, don’t even try to beg” jeez he was cold….how could he just switch to being this gangster person so quickly?
Eugene:” so you still mind?” I nodded. He put his hands on his hips as if he was confused and unable to understand what I meant. He sniffed and then rubbed his finger on his nose
Eugene:” so you want me to stay?” he was frowning
Me:” yes” ok now he was extra pissed and I backed away. I don’t know if this was a good idea but I had to do this so that I can be certain that Eugene can at least listen to my requests
Eugene:” ok Andani I have to do this thing so if you wanna make love then lets quickly do it….if you want me to cook you a meal then I will quickly do it…whatever you want me to do I will quickly do it…but I seriously should leave”
Me:” you can leave but I am not fine with it” I could literally see his chest expanding…that’s how pissed he was
Eugene:” cupcake I am begging you, let me go…allow me to go please” he had a pleading look now. He walked to me and I backed away until I reached the wall. He got to me and held my face with both his hands
Eugene:” you don’t have to be scared of me cupcake….i meant it when I said I will bow down to you and …..as much as I have to go I will stay if that’s what you want” he pulled me to him and hugged me so tight
Eugene:” I won’t lie….there are parts of me that hate you right now” he broke the hug and held me up so that my face can be level with his. His eyes were blazing red and anger was written all over his face
Eugene:” I still love you though” he held me again…tighter this time. At that moment I don’t know how I felt. I felt like a queen though….her majesty. I could control Eugene, make him do what I want and that alone was enough to make me fully trust him
Me:” you can go” I whispered. He quickly put me down and looked at my face
Me:” yeah you can go babe” he gave me a faint smile
Eugene:” thanks babe….uhm I don’t know what time I will be back or if I will be back today” he said walking to the door
Eugene:” and oww…next time I control you like you just did…I should not be called a woman abuser….it’s what we do to each other right?” he said with a smile…I couldn’t help but giggle
Eugene:” pray for me” his face turned serious as he said that. I then ran to him
Me:” I love you”
Eugene:” I love you too” he hugged me briefly and ran out of the house
Life as we know
Insert 105
I walked out of the house and watched him drive out. I waved my hand and he hooted for me before he sped away. I stood there for a while feeling a little bit nervous. He took the Ferrari so I walked to the ranger and took all the stuff we bought to our bedroom. I then drove to the day care to pick up my son. After that I came back home with him. When I got home Tebogo was already back.
“hellow” I said loudly as soon as I walked in the house. Tebogo was in the kitchen
Tebogo:” hey mommy” she said with a smile….i giggled at the sound of her calling me mommy
Tebogo:” come here my boy…come here little man” he took Omphu and kissed him and then spun him around and then put him down
Tebogo:” where is daddy?” she asked while busy taking out some meat from the fridge
Me:” he went out….uhm don’t worry about cooking I will take care of it”
Tebogo:” nahh its fine Andi don’t sweat it”
Me:” but I feel bad that you have to come back from work and cook while I was around” she smiled
Tebogo:” seriously? You don’t have to sweat it I really don’t mind….and who knows, maybe you’ve been busy the whole day trying to make babies so you might be tired” I laughed
Me:” you are insane”
Tebogo:” I know right?”
Me:” so how was work?” I was taking out an apple from the fridge. I was feeling a little bit hungry. Eugene and I didn’t eat anything while in town. I guess we would have if he didn’t receive that phone call. I also gave Omphu one apple and he ran to the lounge to play there
Tebogo:” just the usual”
Me:” mhm ok”
Tebogo:” so how was your afternoon? So you spent all of it trying to make babies?” I laughed
Me:” what’s up with you and the baby talk? Anyway your brother don’t even want a baby anytime soon so that’s on hold. We went to the mall and I got my hair done and bought few things. I can’t believe you didn’t notice that I relaxed my hair”
Tebogo:” this whole time I am wondering what had changed about you…kanti it’s your hair….but why didn’t you plaint something? You don’t get tired of having your own air all the time?”
Me:” nah I am used to it”
Tebogo:” and you said Eugene don’t want babies yet?” I nodded
Tebogo:” but why?”
Me:” well I think it has something to do with the fact that we lost our first pregnancy, I think he is scared or something like that”
Tebogo:” and you?”
Me:” and me what?” she was cutting the pieces of the chicken
Tebogo:” are you ok with not having kids now?”
Me:” I guess so, it’s not like I can force him into it. I want us to have kids when we are both willing so that he don’t abandon me so yeah I think I am ok”
After a bit of chatting I left Tebogo to do her cooking. I took my son and bathed him in the meanwhile. When I was done I dressed him in his PJs. I then took him down to Thabeleng who was back from school. I then took a shower and got dressed in my PJs too. I took the clothes I bought for the girls down to the lounge. Tebogo was done cooking and they were all sitting in the lounge watching TV. Damn the way they jumped when they saw me with the shopping bags. They screamed and jumped when they saw the clothes I bought for them.
Tebogo:” wow Andi you are just the best sister in law girl….this high heel? Ow my God”
Thabeleng:” you know what? You are the best yeeey”
Me:” I don’t know about that Thaby…thanks Tebz” Thabeleng went quiet and just blinked
Thaby:” I thought we were ok”
Me:” we are but you can’t be trusted”
Tebogo:” I don’t blame you Andi, what you did was wrong Thaby”
Thaby:” I know guys and I am truly sorry”
Me:” it’s cool Thaby…I am not saying that you should not talk to her but bringing her here in my presence was really not on”
Thaby:” I get you”
At about 8 in the evening we had supper. Omphu was already fed and was sleeping already. I missed Eugene and I kept on looking at the door to see if he will walk it. He did mention that he will come back late or not come back at all but I couldn’t stop worrying about him. I didn’t even know what was up or what he was up to
Thaby:” did Eugene mention what time he will be back?” she said while we were eating
Me:” he sent me a text saying that he will be late. He is attending a business meeting” i had to lie.
I couldn’t really tell them that I had no idea where he was at. After supper we washed the dishes and watched TV for a little while and then went to our bedrooms. The girls were still taking turns sleeping with my son…they adored him shame. That night I hardly fell asleep…I kept on tossing and turning. I wanted Eugene to come back. I woke up at midnight and tried calling his phone but it just rang unanswered. I started panicking, what can he possibly be doing at this time of the night that he can’t even pick his phone up? I tried to sleep but I didn’t sleep a wink.
The following morning the girls left me and my son alone. I tried calling Eugene again but there was still no answer. I spent the whole day with my son. I wanted to keep busy so that I don’t think too much. So I cleaned the house, did the laundry, sweep the yard and cooked supper. The girls came back and found me watching TV with my son. I had already bathed him and dressed him in his PJs. I had tried to call Eugene throughout the day and there was still no answer. I was now really at the edge and couldn’t stop worrying. When Thebeleng and Tebogo asked about him, I told them that he had another meeting. I went to bed early that night. I found myself crying while I was sitting inside the blankets on the bed. I was scared of losing him. I had several scenarios of what might have happened and none of them was good. I couldn’t lose my Eugene, I just couldn’t. I tried calling him again and there was still no answer.
I decided to call Katlego…maybe she knew something. I went back to my call log and searched for her number. When I found it I called her immediately. She picked up on the 3rd ring
Kat:” hello”
Me:” hello…uhm Katlego its Andani”
Kat:” yeah I can see that”
Me:” uhm I need your help”
Kat:” ow? Her majesty needing my help? What can I do for you my lady” she was in the mood to be funny and I wasn’t so I went straight to the point
Me:” Eugene left here late afternoon yesterday after he received a business call. I haven’t heard from him ever since…I was just wondering if there is someone you know that I can get some info from”
Kat:” that’s Eugene my dear…leaving women hanging is his thing…that’s what he do”
Me:” Katlego his life might be in danger don’t you care?”
Kat:” we are talking about the all-powerful Gee here, he don’t just die so you can chill, I am sure he is fine. He is just dealing with some business stuff and you better get used to it”
Me:” Katlego isn’t there anyone I can talk to?”
Kat:” well, when you requested that he send me packing…I was stripped off of all the privileges of being his employee and that included cutting ties with every contact I had with my colleagues…he took my business phone with all the contacts in there and I don’t know anyone’s number by heart so I am sorry I can’t help you”
Me:” ok thanks” I dropped the call and felt even more helpless. So Kaltego also couldn’t help me.
I tried calling him again to no avail so I decided to leave a voice mail
Me:” Eugene this is not funny ok? If you are busy then the least you can do is send me a simple text informing me that you are doing ok, please I am beside myself over here” I waited five minutes and then left him another voicemail
Me:” Eugene I love you, you know that, just buzz me or something please I am worried….you left yesterday and I haven’t heard a word from you today” I breathed and looked ahead. After about 10 minutes I sent another one
Me:” Eugene I hate you for making me feel this way. If you are still fine and just ignoring me then don’t bother come back ok? …well I don’t mean that I am just pissed and scared that something bad had happened…call me!”
I don’t know how many voicemails I left him that night but they were plenty.
The following morning was Thursday and he had a Doctor’s appointment. I don’t know what time it was supposed to be because we didn’t get to discuss it. I was depressed. I couldn’t even get out of bed. Tebogo brought Omphu to my room before she left. He was walking around playing and singing. I covered my face with a blanket because I didn’t want to face the world. I then heard my son giggle…I uncover myself and found him standing in the middle of the room holding my son smiling with him. I actually took a sigh of relief….he was fine. But then anger took over me…if he was fine then why didn’t he contact me? No call nothing? He then put Omphu down and looked at me. I looked at him too. We starred at each other for a while without exchanging words.
Eugene:” let me heard to the shower” he was still wearing the same clothes he was wearing when he left. He had drops of blood on the shirt and to think that he held my son with blood all over the show.
Me:” you have blood on your shirt and you were holding my son” i said angrily
Eugene:” he was excited to see me and i couldn’t just brush him off” he walked towards the shower and then stopped and looked at me
Eugene:” and don’t put emphasis on ‘my son’ as if i am nothing to him....our son would sound better or just call him by his name” he walked to the bathroom.
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