Life as we know it 1-5

© Rudzani Thangambi and www.ruustories.co.za, 2018. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of any of my stories without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner (Rudzani Thangambi) is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Rudzani Thangambi and www.ruustories.co.za with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

LIFE AS WE KNOW IT

Insert 1

Vhusani: “Andani wake up”

I heard Vhusani’s voice from far. I was deep in my sleep and had no plans to get out of bed. I knew it was Monday morning and I was in no mood to do anything, well that’s how I had been feeling for weeks…I know some people were running around trying to get to work but that part of my life was over.

Vhusani: “Andani you can’t keep doing this” she removed the blankets from my body. I looked at her once and then closed my eyes again. I needed my sleep. I felt like screaming.

Vhusani: “Its Monday morning for heaven’s sake, get the hell up” she shouted, the hate I was feeling towards Vhusani neh?

Me: “Nooooo go away” I said as I bury my head in my pillow. She pulled the pillow and I forced myself to sit up and look at her

Me: “the hell is wrong with you?” I said with my sleepy voice. She didn’t answer me, instead she walked to the window and opened the curtains...damn….it was hot outside, the sun was already out

Me” “what time is it?” I was yawning

Vhusani: “it’s my lunch time Andy” ok I was confused

Me: “so you went to lunch early today?”

Vhusani: “No I didn’t, its past one in the afternoon”

What? Noooo. I slowly got up from my bed and checked myself in the mirror. I looked horrible, like a train smash. The weave I had was upside down, I think I hadn’t combed it for about a week or so. I couldn’t remember the last time I brushed my teeth, I could shower every now and again but it wasn’t a real shower, it was just a matter of me going to stand in the shower for a few seconds and then get out.

Vhusani: “You need to change Andani you can’t keep doing this to yourself, it’s not worth it”

Me: “I am just tired” I replied

Vhusani: “you’ve been tired for months now” I looked around the room and couldn’t believe that it’s been months, so I had been mopping around for months already? But what was I to do? I was divorced...well he divorced me. The man I loved with all my heart chose to break my heart. I was only 27 and already a single mother and a divorcee.

I know I know, your head is probably spinning with questions like: what happened to her? Why did he leave her? And how did they meet? How was their relationship and bloody bloody blah. I think for anyone to understand the depth of pain, the loss and the depression I was in…I need to start from the beginning, from the first day I met my lovely ex-husband….where do I begin?

Insert 2

I was doing first year at the University of Cape Town. I come from a financially advantaged family and we were staying In some rich people’s suburb in Makhado. We were both doing first year when we met…in fact we were in the same class. A little background about me in general: I was a last born at home; had two big brothers and one sister. All my siblings were married by the time I started varsity so I was the only kid at home. Going to varsity far from home didn’t really sit well with my parents but they didn’t have much of a choice.

Back to varsity…I was coming from one of my Economics class when a guy pocked me at the back, I turned around feeling irritated

Me: “and now?” you know how bitchy and rude rich kids can be right? Well that was me

“Uhm hey, I noticed that we are coming from the same class and I was just wondering if you have a partner to do that assignment with” it quickly hit me, we had an assignment that we were supposed to do in pairs. I didn’t have a partner yet. I didn’t have friends yet because we just started with classes

Me: “Ow thanks, I will be happy to be your partner” I was smiling, if you ask me why? I don’t know

“Library then?” I checked my watch...I was hungry

Me: “do you mind us getting lunch first and then we can hit the library in about an hour? I mean we don’t have classes anymore right?”

“Sounds fine by me” he let me lead the way. I started walking towards the parking

“The cafeteria is that side” he was pointing towards the cafeteria

Me: “I was thinking of going to the mall” he raised an eye brow

“Ow?” I smiled and walked to the parking and he walked after me.

“Is this your ride?” I was getting in my car. It was nothing fancy...my parents just bought me the latest Clio…it was better than being a pedestrian.

Me: “yep, now get in already”  I don’t know but part of me was just happy to be with him, maybe it was because he was my first friend at varsity or let me say the first person I was hanging out with except for my roomy because I was not doing the same degree as her.

“What’s your name again?” he asked after he got inside the car

Me: “Andani and you are?” he smiled, I shook my head and smiled back

Me: “ahhh care to share the joke?” I said  

“u bva gai Venda? (Where do you come from in Venda?)” he said that and laughed out loud

Me: “no ways” I said in between the laughs

“yes ways”

Me: “damn how did you sniff it out?”

“I have no idea but somehow I was able to detect that you are also a Limpopian and not just that but a Venda too, welcome to Cape Town Andani” he looked at me and smiled

Me: “same to you, welcome to the Cape” 

If I am asked to describe Rialivhuwa...I'd say that he was a handsome guy, well-built and all that but I could spot something….he wasn’t in my world, he wasn’t from my class and his clothes gave it all away but I needed a study friend and maybe he was the one so I had to be close to him plus he was from home. 

Fast forward to several weeks. We were now best friends. We used to hang out together every time we had free classes, we used to sit together during our classes, we used to go shopping together, and we literally used to do everything together except for the fact that we didn’t share a room. He was from a poor background; he opened up to me about it during our friendship. He was studying through a bursary and therefore failing was no option for him. He was a hard worker and I was too so we were a perfect pair…we also had few friends or let me say classmates because the only time we used to hang out with other people was during our classes.

We were chilling in my room one afternoon eating lunch that I bought. Well that was usually the case, Rialivhuwa couldn’t really afford to buy us lunch on a daily basis but I could. Sometimes he used to cook for me #smile, he was a good cook. I am not going to lie, cooking was not my thing….I sucked big time. So we were sitting facing each other busy with the meal, I noticed that Ria was not really eating

Me: “you don’t like the food? I thought this is your favourite meal” he totally stopped eating and looked at me

Rialivhuwa: “I can’t hold this in any longer”

Me: “uhm what are you on about?” I also stopped eating and looked at him. He got up from his seat and stood in the middle of the room looking down at me. It looked like he wanted to share something really serious with me and all of a sudden I was nervous.

Rialivhuwa: “I am falling in love with you Andani, every second I spend with you is turning into something big. I think and dream about you, you have no idea how much I look forward to spending everyday with you” ahhhh whaaat did he say? Uhm...I looked at him in totally shock, I couldn’t believe it, I never thought of Rialivhuwa as anything else beyond a friend

Me: “uhm….I” I stuttered, I was really taken aback, I couldn’t believe what he was telling me

Me: “are you serious?” this time around I didn’t stutter.

Ria: “I have never been more serious in my life babe, I love you and I want us to be more than this” wow he called me babe? He looked really serious

Me: “but…uhm….I never thought of you that way, as a boyfriend I mean” I said slowly not looking at him. He just declared his love for me and I honestly didn’t want to hurt him but how was I going to start looking at him as a boyfriend? He was my friend, just a friend and my thoughts about us had never went beyond that.

Ria: “but you can try Andi” he looked desperate

Me: “noo I can’t…I am sorry Ria but this can’t happen, you are my friend and I don’t want to lose what we have” he looked at me with his hands on his hips and took a deep breath

Ria: “I am afraid I can’t do friendship anymore”

Me: “what?” I was horrified. The thought of varsity life without him was scary, he had been my friend ever since I started with my classes at UCT so facing campus life without him felt empty and scary

Ria: “I love you like really love you and sticking around pretending like I am ok with being your friend is going to kill me, I can’t do it Andy…I am sorry” just like that he walked out of the room. I ran after him and stood by the door and looked at him as he disappeared into the passage.

Insert 3

I walked back inside the room and closed the door. I sat on my bed and looked up on the ceiling. I couldn’t believe what just happened. Five minutes ago everything was fine, Rialivhuwa was still my besty and few minutes down the line, we were no longer friends and he was in love with me. To be totally honest, Ria was not in my class, he was not on my level. I was a rich kid and I honestly expected my first boyfriend to at least fall under the same category.

Yeah you heard right. I never dated anyone at high school. Not that I didn’t have guys throwing themselves at me but none of them had what it takes to date me. That’s how brat I was, I was one of those girls ya know? Twanging accent, expensive lifestyle and all. So I needed a boyfriend who was going to take everyone’s attention and unfortunately he didn’t exist in my high school or my church or my neighborhood for that matter. I was waiting for that perfect someone to come and sweep me off my feet, ya all dig? Prince nyana right there, that’s what I wanted.

Well, Rialivhuwa was nothing I needed in a boyfriend. Well, maybe he possessed some characteristics I would need my boyfriend to have…he was smart, I loved that about him; he cared about me…I wanted a man who’d put me first. So with all the crap I said up there…the bottom line was that I was still a virgin and dating was still a foreign concept to me and I was not sure if Ria was the guy to walk me through it, well I knew...he just wasn’t.

That evening I chit-chatted on the phone with my girls from high school. We were all in different varsities. I didn’t tell them about Ria, though I had it in my mind since it occurred. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them that a guy who was fit enough to be my personal keeper’s son was taking a liking on me…it was embarrassing. So after talking with my girls I chatted a bit with my roommate Vhusani. She was a cool girl and I liked her. She was also a first year student and was doing a different degree from mine

The following morning I woke up and prepared myself for class. I got to class and the lecturer was not there yet so I stood at the door and browsed through the room. I saw Ria sitting somewhere in the corner. He didn’t sit on our usual spot and I knew exactly what it meant…he was serious when he said we couldn’t be friends anymore. Well I was not having it; he was not going to brush me off just like that. So I walked over to him with a smile on my face. I greeted some of my classmates as I was walking to him. I got there and sat next to him

Me: “hey” I smiled

Ria: “hi” his voice was cold

Me: “well you will never guess which series I downloaded last night?” I was trying to strike a conversation, to find out if he really didn’t want to be my friend

Ria: “I meant what I said yesterday, I can’t do this Andi” he had a serious look on

Me: “but how do you expect me to just stop being your friend?” I meant it, I liked him

Ria: “and you expect me to just stop loving you and be your friend huh?”

I looked at him and felt tired. I didn’t know what to say, I wanted to beg him but I never had to beg anyone in my life so my pride took over and I couldn’t beg some boy from the village. He looked at me for a brief moment and collected his stuff and changed his seat. He left me sitting there looking like a house wife whose husband was publicly cheating on her.

I am not going to lie here, it hurt like hell. That’s what I didn’t understand; I didn’t understand why it hurt so much for him to walk away from me. He was my friend, a friend who loved me in a romantic manner and I loved him too but as a friend. But why was it painful then? I didn’t concentrate that day; I was looking at him the whole time. He looked chilled, like he had already forgotten about me. I walked out of the class in the middle of the lecture because I couldn’t do it anymore. I walked to my room feeling as confused as ever. I felt like someone broke up with me…yes I had never gone through it before but it sure felt like it.

The following day the same thing happened. The only difference is that it was worse than the previous day. I was early for my first class and he walked in a bit later with some girl, gosh I felt like dying. It was as if he was doing all of that to spite me. I walked out before the lecturer came and went back to my room. I got there and couldn’t help but broke down and cried. I realised at this moment that I actually needed him in my life, I needed him for me and me alone. I didn’t want him to hang out with other girls…I wanted him to be close to me, just like we used to.

The door opened and I hurriedly tried to wipe off my tears. Vhusani walked in with the towel wrapped around her body, she was coming from the shower

Vhusani: “Andani what is wrong?” I looked at her and then looked away

Vhusani: “Andi?” she walked to me

Me: “it’s nothing” I got up and took my face cloth and wiped my face

Vhusani: “we are roomies now and soon to be best friends so come on Andi, if something is bothering you then you can talk to me” I sat on the bed and didn’t know what to say

Me: “I don’t want to bore you with my lame stories”

Vhusani: “it’s not lame if its making you cry” she sat next to me.

Me: “it’s Ria” I said while wiping my face again

Vhusani: “what about him?”

Me: “he said he loves me” she smiled

Vhusani: “wow it took longer than I thought but anyway I knew it, you guys have a thing going…uhm sorry wait a minute, if he told you that he loves you then why are you crying?”

Me: “I told him I don’t feel the same” I was looking down

Vhusani: “ow you don’t?”

Me: “Yes I don’t”

Vhusani: “uhm ow….ok then why are you crying?”

Me: “because he said if we can’t date then we can’t be friends anymore and now he is not talking to me or even looking at me for that matter….this morning he walked to class with some girl, how can he do something like that?”  I was upset

Vhusani: “well I don’t blame him”

Me: “What?” I couldn’t believe what she was saying, she was supposed to be on my side

Vhusani: “you said you didn’t want him and having you around all the time was going to torture him so he had to let you go”

Me: “but I like him” I cried out

Vhusani: “don’t you mean love him?” I looked at her in shock, no I couldn’t…naahh I couldn’t love him

Me: “no I don’t love him, he is just a friend and I enjoy his company that’s all”

Vhusani: “and now you are crying for him”

Me: “he is not my type ok?”

Vhusani: “I know you are from a rich family and we can’t say the same about him but we can’t choose who we love…you love him and you are just in denial, I’ve seen the smile on your face when you are with him….he makes you happy” I looked at her and realised the biggest shock of my life. For the first time in my 19 years of being alive…I was in love.

Insert 4

I looked at Vhusani and looked away. I got up from my seat and stood in the middle of the room

Vhusani: “you are in love sweetheart, you have to let him know” 

Me: “but my friends...they won’t approve. He doesn’t fit the description...he is not in our class, I can’t be in love with him”  I was totally confused and was in pain, I missed him

Vhusani: “ok whatever rocks your boat love, I say go for it, it doesn’t matter what your friends think. You love this guy and you deserve to be happy”

Me: “I think I need some air” I quickly walked out of the room and didn’t know where to go or what to do. I went to the parking and got inside the car. I took my cell phone and checked the selfies we took together, the tongues out and the crazy faces we made. I knew right there that I needed to talk to him. I sent him a text

Me: “Hi Ria, can you please meet me at my usual parking spot after the class please, we need to talk” I waited for his reply and nothing.

I wanted to cry, he was rejecting me. I sat in the car and didn’t move. I was totally confused. No one warned me, not even my mom not even my best friend Mpho warned me about this. No one told me how it was to fall in love, to love someone. I never knew that it could feel this damn bad. I was sitting there deep in my thoughts when he knocked on my window...my stomach went into some serious dancing and I guessed that it was the famous butterflies. I unlocked the doors and he got inside. I was nervous; being around Rialivhuwa has never made me nervous before.

Me: “you came” my voice was almost a whisper

Ria: “you called me” he was smiling and I didn’t understand why

Me: “why are you smiling?”  I also gave him a weak smile

Ria: “because I am here with you”

Me: “ow...uhm do you mind if we go to some private place?”

Ria: “uhm...ok” I looked at him one last time and felt this funny feeling inside me.

We drove to the Rugby play ground and parked the car and then got out. We sat outside. All of a sudden I didn’t know what to say to him

Ria: “so you called me here” he was looking at me

Me: “yes I did”

Ria: “ok” he looked at me and I looked away

Ria: “so you say you love me?” I needed to hear him say it again. I didn’t want him to love me but the thought that someone loved me felt good

Me: “I do Andy, I’ve never felt this way about anyone...you are all that to me and i want you as more than just a friend please”

Me: “what about the girl you were with earlier?” i heard him chuckle, i wasn’t looking at him

Ria: “you are jealous? Well she is our classmate and i met her along the way and we walked to the class together that’s all”

Me: “ok” i wanted to smile but i didn’t want to show him how pleased i was with the fact that there was nothing between him and the other girl.

Ria: “soo?” he said, i looked at him and gave him my shy smile, i was fiddling with my fingers

Me: “I don’t know Ria, this whole thing is weird ok? I have never needed someone the way i need you in my life. My life here is meaningless without you, I need you Rialivhuwa”

Ria: “are you for real?” i nodded and looked away.

Ria: “Look at me please” he pleaded, i looked at him, damn i was so shy

Ria: “you mean that? Do you want us to try it out?” i nodded again

Me: “lets give it a try” I said, he leaned over to kiss me and I put my hand on his mouth and stopped him

Me: “i have never done this before” he gave me a confused look

Ria: “done what?” i swallowed

Me: “this...dating...whatever this is Ria, i’ve never done it before” i was nervous, you know some guys hate to date virgins and i was one

Ria: “uhm...wow” i looked at him and tried to read his expression but it didn’t give much away. He got out of the car and walked to my side. He opened the door extended his hand toward me...I took his hand and he helped me out. 

Ria: “i said i love you right? I promise you Andani, you are not going to regret this. I enjoy your company, our small talks and i also enjoy our mid night chats when one of us can’t sleep” i found myself blushing

Ria: “come here” he said and opened his arms. I slowly walked to him and he hugged me. I had hugged this guy more than i could count but there was something specific about this particular hug....it was not just a hug. I felt my whole body going into shock, i felt numb, saw stars in front of my eyes and then i felt like my whole world was finally opening up, like i was really alive. I had never been in love before but what i was feeling while i was in his arms was nothing other than love. I was in love with him. I loved the smell of his cheap cologne; i didn’t mind at all because i was in love with him

Insert 5

We broke the hug and he looked at me, damn I was so shy…I didn’t understand why though, I had known this guy for months and I never felt what I was feeling that day.

Ria: “let’s have dinner in my room tonight” he said with a smile on his face. I involuntarily smiled

Me: “uhm ok”

Ria: “I will cook” I giggled

Me: “don’t you think maybe I should cook?” say what????? I couldn’t believe I said that, iyohhh I was a bad cook, well I couldn’t even cook soft porridge to save my life and there I was making a proposition to cook dinner for him

Ria: “ahhhh are you sure?” damn he was amused, he was smiling and licking his lips

Ria: “I am not really a good cook but I want to try…for you” he continued smiling and this time around he was also shaking his head

Me: “what?” I asked

Me: “nothing, I am looking forward to it” we giggled, at least the awkwardness was gone, it was us again, the normal us…the ‘no butterflies’ us

After that little meeting we drove back and it was time for our next class. We were now back to normal…normal being us always together. After all the classes I took him to his room and then I drove to my room where I was to start cooking. I didn’t have any idea what I was going to cook for him. I got to my room and Vhusani was watching TV.

Vhusani: “you look fine…tell me all about it” she was now looking at me with that big smile of hers

Me: “well…”

Vhusani: “well?” she was impatient

Me: “you gotta help me prepare dinner for him Vhuyi…I volunteered to cook” she got up from her seat and put her hands on her hips

Vhusani: “you did what? dude you cantcook, you’ve never cooked since you came here”

Me: “i know but I want to learn, please teach me, this means a lot to me” she gave me that smile again

Vhusani: “ok what do you want to cook?” I popped my eyes out, I was not even sure what I wanted to cook but I just wanted to cook something.

After that conversation Vhusani and I drove to the mall to get some groceries for the massive dinner that we were about to prep. We bought everything we were going to need and then came back and cooked…shame I was enjoying cooking, I was not used to doing it and knowing that I was doing it for him felt great. After cooking Vhusani said her goodbye and said she was going to spend sometime with some friends, it was already dark outside.

He arrived and the dinner went well. We talked laughed and giggled throughout the supper.

Ria: “it was great I got to say” he said as we were helping each other with the dishes

Me: “I am happy you enjoyed it, I was going to be disappointed if you didn’t enjoy it because I went through somuch trouble preparing this food”

Ria: “I love you Andani”

Me: “I love you too Rialivhuwa”

So that’s how we met, that’s how we came about…that’s how it all started. So after that night there were many nights like that…some were much better than that. I found myself learning to cook just to make him happy…yena he didn’t have to try hard, cooking was his thing and I enjoyed his food. We were a regular couple at school. We used to do everything together, we used to go everywhere together. Like I mentioned before Rialivhuwa was not from a rich family, well let me just say that he was from a poor background so I had no problem giving him my bank card and sometimes we’d go shopping together…I even helped him change his wardrobe…I was in love and didn’t mind. At first he was reluctant to let me spend money on him, he didn’t want me to…but I assured him that if the tables were turned and if he was the fortunate one, he was obviously going to help me. I told him that I’d feel really bad for not doing something to help him when I know I can afford.

We dated throughout varsity. My high school friends struggled to accept him but I didn’t care, I was in love and money and possessions meant nothing to me….the love we shared was enough. As for my parents and my siblings…they didn’t understand why I chose him. They both tried to reason with me but everyone will agree with me…you can’t try to reason with someone who is acting on the basis of love…I was in love with Ria and I was hell bent on being with him. My parents tried to threaten me saying that they would disown me…but did I care about that? Well I really didn’t…I WAS IN LOVE.

After graduating from varsity we both got jobs and 3 years later we decided to get married…we were both just 24 and believe you me, we were all happy to be married. His family loved me and mine had already accepted him. After marriage….well that’s when we really started to live…that’s when life started