Life as we know it 11-15

Life as we know it

Insert 11

I drove home and when I got there I didn’t know what to do with myself. The thought that Rialivhuwa was with Pearl at work couldn’t leave my mind. I didn’t have any appetite or energy to do anything so I spent the whole day in bed. Vhusani called me just before lunch…she wanted to meet. I’ve been ignoring her since yesterday and I realised that it wasn’t fair on her so I told her that I wasn’t feeling well and was at home sleeping. She immediately said that she was coming over. 30 minutes later she arrived with some takeaways

Me:”Vhusi you didn’t have to” I said as we were taking out the plates

Vhusani:”you said you were not feeling well so I thought that maybe you needed your favourite lunch meal” I gave her a faint smile, she was my best friend and I loved her but this was not a good timing, i wanted to be alone

Me:”thanks hey” we sat in my living room. We were sitting on one couch looking at each other and each of us had a plate on the hand

Vhusani:”so what’s the problem?”

Me:”what problem?” I thought she was talking about me and Ria

Vhusani:”you are not feeling well so what’s wrong and did you at least go to the doctor?”

Me:”yeah I did this morning…I am pregnant” I didn’t look at her

Vhusani:”wow congratulations love, that’s great news...wow i cant believe that i am going to be an aunt” shame I also wanted it to be that great but it honestly wasn’t

Me:”actually it’s not so great” i said with a low voice while taking a spoonful of food

Vhusani:”you’ve lost me….friend you are having a baby that’s just great” she was smiling, excited even

Me:”Ria is having an affair with his colleague…or let me say his PA and apparently she is good at it than I am”

Vhusani:”what did you say? No friend it can’t be”

Me:”well its true…you were right Vhusi, I caught them right handed and last night he told me that she is better than me in bed…that she respects him and she makes him feel like a man” the pain I endured after that sentence…I think saying something out loud makes it feel even more real. I wanted to cry again but i didn’t want to seem weak

Vhusani:”what? That’s son of a…..you know what? I am going in that office and….”

Me:”nooo, you will do no such thing” she put the food on the table and was up on her feet

Vhusani:”what? Your husband deserves some serious beating for this and I can assist” I looked at her and I could see that she was angry...i wanted to laugh but the timing wasn’t perfect...imagine me and Vhusani beating up Ria...it could be great

Me:”I love him Vhusani, I know he did me wrong, he hurt me...i am in deep pain as we speak but I still love him...he is still the one for me…the only one I know and the only one I love” she took my food and put the plate on the table and sat next to me

Vhusani:”but he is cheating and you are pregnant...the worst part is that it sounds like he has no problem with you finding out about it, how could he say that she  is better than you? Where is the respect?” my mouth went dry...i didn’t have an answer for that

Me:” i know it’s crazy”

Vhusani:” crazy? Its beyond crazy... i still can’t believe that your Ria did this...i just don’t get it, i know what i saw the other night but i was hoping that it could be wrong and now i regret ever telling you anything”  she was sad

Me:” don’t feel bad, you are my friend and you did what any friend could do and i appreciate it, thank you”

Vhusani:” so what’s the plan?”  i got up and stood in the middle of the room

Me:” i have no plan love, the only thing i know is that i love him and i want to believe that he is just going through a phase and it will pass”

Vhusani:” so you are letting him get away with it?” i looked at her confused

Me:” what do you mean? I can’t just pack up and leave just because he cheated”

Vhusani:” i know that but he can’t have it easy either, you can’t let him do this to you...if you let him get away this easy then he’ll do this again”

Me:” but what if i play an angry wife and sleep in the other bedroom and he still acts like he don’t care because she is giving it to him”

Vhusani:” then he won’t be worth it love, if he cheats on you and don’t work hard to earn you back then accept that he is not worth it”  i sat on the table looking at her

Me:” i can’t do that...giving up on him just like that?”

Vhusani:” ok friend i love you and i will be here for you but don’t allow yourself to be one of those pity wives ok? You are beautiful, rich, kind and you deserve the best...so just be strong and i am happy that you are pregnant, hopefully things will turn around. I need to get back to work now, are you gonna be fine?”

Me:” i will be fine, i love you and thanks for stopping by” we hugged and she left. 

I spent the whole day doing nothing. He came back home an hour early, i was shocked to see him. He found me in the living room watching TV

Ria:” hey love” he was happy, he probably had it good with her

Me:” hi” 

Ria:” how are you feeling?”

Me:” fine i guess” i wasn’t looking at him. He came to me and handed me the flowers

Me:” and now?” hahaha i got to admit, part of me was happy for this gesture

Ria” i want to apologise for everything that’s happened, i didn’t mean to hurt you my love...i love you and i hate to see you sad because of me” i looked at him and couldn’t help but smile

Me:” you are sorry?” i was honestly not expecting this

Ria:” very sorry mama bear, you know how much i love you, how far we’ve become, i want us to have a family we’ve always dreamt and talked about”  oww i thought he had forgotten about how far we’ve come. I took the flowers and smell them....the scent was great

Me:” they smell lovely” 

Ria:” you love them?”  I nodded. He smiled and also handed me a box of chocolates....i giggled.

Me:” you bought me these?”

Ria:” your favourite” well receiving a gift from him was lovely...it was a rare gesture to be honest because i was always the one spoiling him so this really meant a lot to me

Me:” thank you so much” i hugged him

Ria:” so we are good?”

Me:” we are great” he scooped me up and took me to the bedroom

Ria:” i love you mama bear...you are the one and only for me.... you are my wife...my kid’s mother…Mrs Ria” he was kissing me

Me:” i might have news” i was giggling...he stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes

Ria:” good or bad news?”

Me:” i don’t know”

Ria:” ok?”

Me:” i am pregnant” i was hopefully, this moment seemed perfect...he was happy and i felt it right to tell him the news

Ria:” bhaba what did you say?”

Me:” pregnant”  he gave me one loud laugh and then scoop me up, spun me around, put me down and looked at me...his eyes were glowing

Ria:” i love you, i love you” i laughed, i had my husband back

Life as we know it

Insert 12

He kissed me slowly and passionately...he gave me his bedroom eyes and i fell in love with him again and again...i knew what he was about to do to me and good God i loved it. He was the only man i knew and although i had no one else to compare him with i knew he was the best...making love to him was out of this world.

Ria:”i love you sweetie love” he whispered as he was going down on me.

I stood there feeling fire over my body. He grabbed my track pant and pulled them down a bit. I held his head and smiled at myself. I love it when he does this to me. I moaned lightly holding his head as he was busy with me...the shivering, the pleasure, the satisfaction, the trembling, the moans, the groans and many other things is what the moment was all about. He got up and went straight for my boobs...lord i lost it. He scooped me up and gently put me on the bed. I helped him with his tee and he helped me out of my clothes.

Me:” i love you” i whispered while my mouth was doing rounds on his ears

Ria:” i love you more” he whispered back

He wanted to climb on top of me but nahhh i shook my head and pushed him on his back and i climbed on top of him. After the Pearl saga, it was essential for me to please my man. F*** the bulls*** about me not being experienced, i wanted to show him stars....make him realise that i am still capable of making him beg me to stop. So i started with my game and did the best that i could. I gave him the mother of all BJs and after his massive groans i started riding him. Yeah i did and not once did i close my eyes. I was looking straight at him because i wanted to see every single reaction of his. And it was satisfying. I knew for a fact that i made him happy, that i made love to him in a way that hopefully he was not going to forget. In the midst of making love to him....i felt this enjoyment, this satisfaction and this joy and suddenly sadness and i couldn’t help but cry. I couldn’t stop my tears and all of a sudden i couldn’t ride anymore. He sat up and hugged me with my legs on both side of his hips

Ria:” shhhh mama bear what’s wrong?”  He whispered

Me:” i am scared...this feels so great Ria, its soo good and the thought that it might end soon?....i just can’t help it...i don’t know what i’d do without you if you leave me” really i was being honest here, i loved this man with every cell in my body and losing him was going to be catastrophic, it was going to kill me, i didn’t want to lose him...ever

Ria:” you are not losing me Andani, i am not going anywhere”

Me:” you mean that?” i wanted to ask if he broke his affair with Pearl but i was scared to ask because i just didn’t want to know. I mean what if he says no and then what? That would kill my mood and not just that but it could severely hurt me so i decided not to make Pearl part of our conversation.

Ria:” every word love, i love you, you know that right?”  I nodded

Ria:” then i am not going anywhere, i am not going to leave you, not for anyone” i guess he meant to say not for Pearl....after that episode, we got back into the game.

That night it was a gig...we played and played and played. We made love in a way that we never did. I guess it’s true what they say...make up sex is the bomb. We woke up the following morning and head for the shower, we showered together that morning. The excitement was written all over our faces. There was way too much “i love you’s” being exchanged, not that i mind. We left for work with the same vehicle of course #giggle. We got to work and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other so we walked in hand to hand. We greeted everyone that we came across

Ria:” i love you somuch” i smiled

Me:” me too, our baby too” he giggled.

With the bitch Pearl still in the office i had to be there for my husband so i walked him to his office. I was even considering sharing an office with him, serious, with that girl still on the front desk....it was still risky....but i knew Ria enough to know that he was not going to entertain the idea of me sharing an office with him. We walked past Pearl without somuch of a word...yeah not even a “ hi”  or “morning” believe you me that moment should have been captured because i enjoyed matching to hubby’s office with him by my side and i enjoyed the look of jealousy and pain as she see us walking past. The girl needed to come to terms with the facts....I was the wife and she was what????? The side dish...simple as that.

Me:” i guess i will see you around then, i need to catch up on my work”

Ria:” mhm ok, how i wish we could lock the office and...You know” i gave him a faint smile because suddenly the thought of him and Pearl in this very office crossed my mind

Me:” but we have to work don’t we?”

Ria:” yeah we have to...come here” he gave me one last kiss and i left his office.

I was walking past Pearl’s desk when she said:

Pearl:”did you love them?” i turned around and looked at her

Me:” them being?” i was being professional, as much as i hated the girl, i didn’t want to cause an unnecessary scene and i definitely didn’t want her to think that she had some sort of power to upset me

Pearl:” the flowers, he did bought you flowers right?”  i just looked at her and blinked. The f*** is she talking about? How did she know about the damn flowers?

Pearl:” oww sorry, obviously he didn’t tell you that i helped him pick the flowers and the chocolates....did you like them?” just like that...the little dignity that i had simply deteriorated....he bought me flowers while he was with her. I wanted to scream and mostly i wanted to beat the day light out of Pearl’s ugly face but i didn’t want to cause a scene, i didn’t want to embarrass myself infront of my colleagues so i turned around without saying another word and walked back to his office.

I felt stupid, i felt dumb. Everything that we did last night and this morning...did it mean anything? He was still with her, he was still sleeping with her. I got inside, closed the door and stood there by the door. I looked at him and felt just pain

Ria:” babe what’s wrong?”

Me:” she helped you buy me flowers and the chocolate?” i whispered. I was honestly having a silent prayer. I wanted him to tell me that it’s not true, that she ran into him while he was buying the stuff and that she was bluffing, i didn’t want it to be true

Ria:” uhm..wh...Where d...did you get that?” he was walking to me

Me:”Pearl herself” 

Ria:” damn it Pearl”

Me:”soit’s true? You are still with her?”

Ria:” babe please, after the night we had don’t ruin it please” i looked at him and laughed for few minutes and that laughter turned into a heartbreaking cry

Me:”i don’t know you anymore, i don’t know who this person is....last night was great for me...it was beautiful and for few hours there i thought we were back to normal but it was all a lie...do you even love me anymore?”

Ria:” Andani, sweety i....”

Me:” just stop ok? I just want you to stop” i quickly cleaned up my face and walked out of the office

Life as we know it

Insert 13

I sat in the bathroom and didn’t know what to do. My first instinct was to walk out of there and head straight to the parking and then drive home, but was i going to keep doing that? I called my 911...my emergency number and fortunately she answered on the first ring

Vhusi:”friend”

Me:”i need to see you now please”

Vhusani:”girlfriend what’s wrong? It sounds like you’ve been crying sweety what did he do to you?”

Me:” can you spare an hour?”

Vhusani:”yeah of course where can we meet?”

Me:”at the park, i will be there in five”

Vhusani:’ you’ll find me there” i stood in front of the mirror and cleaned myself up and then left to meet my friend. When i got to the park lot she was already waiting for me. She got out of her car as soon as she saw me pulling up...she walked to my car and i opened the front door for her. I didn’t wanna look at her because somehow i felt embarrassed, my relationship with Rialivhuwa had never been this dramatic and I think I was unable to deal with it.

Vhusani:”what’s wrong love?”  I looked at her and didn’t even know where to begin

Me:”well, he came back home yesterday with flowers and chocolates and he apologised and i stupidly believed him and we had the best sex ever. But then this morning i came to work only to find out that the wicked bitch helped him buy me those flowers and the chocolates, in fact she picked the stuff...can you believe it?”

Vhusani:” whaaaat!!! Noooo Rialivhuwa is over doing it now....love this is madness on another level...you need to leave him”

Me:” what?” i was horrified by that. I mean in the midst of everything that was happening i was never considering leaving him...that never ever crossed my mind.

Vhusani:”he is disrespecting you, obviously he doesn’t care about you anymore”

Me:” Vhusani how can you say that? I love him you know that”

Vhusani:” I know you love him Andani but does he feel the same? I don’t think he does anymore and if you stay you’ll just be setting yourself up for more pain and heartache”

Me:” I just can’t up and leave...how do you expect me to just give up on everything that i have been building for years, i love him Vhusani”  i desperately wanted her to see things the way i was seeing them, i was not about to just give up. Even if i do, how was i going to start over? How was i going to start living without him in my life? Was it even going to be possible? I don’t think i was capable of carrying on without him.

Vhusani:” ok i get that...if you still want to continue doing this then you have to stop being a cry baby and giving that girl satisfaction because that’s what she wants, she wants to hurt you Andani”

Me:” so i don’t react?”

Vhusani:” no you don’t, you need to be strong and you need to love your man ok? Ignore that bitch and in time he will get bored with her and come back home to you”

Me:”this is not going to be easy”

Vhusani:”and that’s why i was saying that you should just leave because it’s not gonna be easy and if it was up to me, i was going to make you leave him”

Me:”leaving is no option, i can’t do that”

Vhusani:” ok, clean yourself up now and go back to work, you can’t let that little girl upset you like this”

Me:” and him? Do i let him get away with it?”

Vhusani:” i honestly don’t know hey”

Me:”thank you for this love, i don’t know what i’d do without you”

Vhusani:” i hate that he is doing this to you, after everything that you’ve done for him....sorry to say this but i hate your husband, i hate him for doing this to you”

Me:”i wish i could say the same...anyway thanks for doing this for me but i have to go back to work, i love you”

Vhusani:”i love you too” we hugged and then she got out of my car to hers. I sat there for at least 5 minutes and cleaned myself up. I then drove back to work. I walked to my office feeling much better. A 911 friend always knows what’s best.

I was checking my emails when someone knocked

Me:” come in” Jake walked in

Jake:”hi Andani how are you feeling?”

Me:” uh i am fine thanks and how are you?”

Jake:’ as you know, i am always over the top” he sat on the chair

Jake:” ok like really now...how are you? Last time i saw you, you were crying and then yesterday you didn’t pitch for work so something must be wrong....you can talk to me” i raised an eyebrow at him, this is what we call meddling in other people’s affairs, i understand that maybe he was just being concerned but he didn’t have to ask because obviously it was personal matter

Me:”Jake it was just fever but i am fine now”

Jake:”I aint dumb Andani you know that right? So i know that something is wrong and it has something to do with your husband...i am your friend and i will never talk behind your back so if ever you wanna talk... Just halla me ok? I am available to talk” yohh i started panicking, what if he heard something? What if people were already talking about me in the office?

Me:” uhm...did you hear anything or anyone talking about me?”

Jake:”nope” he was shaking his head, i took a sigh of relief

Me:”stop stressing about me, i am fine ok? So can we get back to work? Please”

Jake:”ok, don’t forget the meeting we have this afternoon”

Me:”do i ever do that?” he smiled and shook his head

Me:” see?”  He walked out of the office and i started working.

Thirty minutes before lunch i went to my husband’s office. I looked at Pearl and smiled. She gave me a hateful look and i didn’t care. I walked in and found him busy on his computer

Me:” love” i said with a smile on my face

Ria:” uhm love...uhm”

Me:’shhhh! Are you open for lunch?” he gave me a shocked look

Ria:” lunch? Uhm yeah...uhm of course i am open for lunch”

Me:” early lunch?”

Ria:”ahhhhh yeah, i think i can finish my work when we come back” he took his phone and his car keys and then took my hand and we walked out of the office. I looked at Pearl and gave her my best smile

Ria:”uhm Pearl i will be out for an hour or more but clear my diary and take the messages ok?”

Pearl:”you have a telephon....”

Me:” i know that but just see what you can do...cancel or send an apology or whatever” with that we walked out of the office

Life as we know it

Insert 14

He let me drive and I drove to our favourite sea food restaurant. We got there and ordered

Ria:”that’s not your usual meal” He said after the waiter walked away with our order

Me:”well I don’t like prawns anymore, must be the pregnancy” he smiled

Ria:”I can’t believe that we are finally going to have a baby. Just yesterday we were starting off at varsity and now look at us? We have a family and we gonn have a baby in no time” I smiled. The fact that he was excited about the baby gave me hope

Me:”I can’t believe it either”

Ria:”can we go to the doctor? I want us to do that scan thing….we should also ask for a photo and I will keep that with me” I giggled

Me:”you are really excited about this aren’t you?”

Ria:”babe we’ve been together for more than 6 years and having babies is one of the things we used to talk about”

Me:”and now it’s finally happening”

Ria:”exactly” he took my hand and kissed it.

I was seriously happy that Rialivhuwa was being his old self. Our order arrived and we ate. After eating we drove to the Doctor. I was excited. This was my first baby…well our first baby and we were both excited about it and for few minutes of my day I was having a wonderful time and I was not worrying about anything.

We got there and waited a bit because we didn’t make any appointment. Ria called the office to let them know that he’d be a bit late. Well he called Pearl to be exact and I was silently laughing my lungs out and doing that celebratory dance of mine as I imagine the look on Pearl’s face when she got the message. Ria was my man and I was not going to give him up to her…never. After a while we went in and damn…the look on Ria’s face as we were looking at the sonar screen, he was overly excited and he kept on thanking me. I felt proud to be his woman, to have given him somuch joy. After a while the Doctor gave us a photo which really didn’t have anything other than a dot but Ria kept on kissing it with excitement.

Ria:”do we tell everybody or wait for a few weeks?” he said as we were getting in the car

Me:”we gotta wait for few weeks love, it’s still too early”

Ria:” damn babe I am so excited, I can’t even hold myself…I love you…and by the way I am driving us back”

Me:”I love you too sweety bear”

Ria:”oww God that name again?” he gave me his charming smile and I melted

Me:”but you call me mama bear, I don’t complain” I had my best smile on

Ria:”I will let you get away with it because I am happy”

Me:”can you drive already, we need to get to work”

Ria:”work can wait, this is more important, our family is more important” he kissed me and then started the car. We drove back to work playing some soft music, I was looking out the window feeling excited, I kept on imagining our baby…I wondered if I needed a boy or a girl. I wanted a girl….pink clothes and some hair-do…damn it I could imagine my little girl.

Me:”I want a girl” I blurted out with a huge grin on my face. He looked at me with a smile and then back on the road

Ria:”I just want a baby sweety, be it a girl or a boy…I will love that baby with every bone in my body” I looked at him and I was again reminded of why I fell in love with him

Me:”I want a cute little girl that will look like you”

Ria:”naaahhh if it’s a girl then I would want her to look like her mom and I will love her the way I love you but I won’t spoil her the way you were spoilt….i wouldn’t do that” suddenly my smile vanished

Me:”you seem to have a problem with how I was raised and surprisingly you never had a problem before but now all of a sudden you think I was not raised well?”

Ria:”really? You want to change the subject?”

Me:”maybe…I mean you keep on insulting my parents parenting skills…I mean why now? And if I am such a bad ass woman why did you even marry me? Why did you love me for this long then?” I was upset….as much as I loved Ria, insulting my parents was a no go.

Ria:”sorry if it’s insulting but it’s the truth….i was a kid then Andani that’s why I never noticed or I never cared….now that I’ve grown and have met other people? I now see how wrong you’ve been raised and how much of a bad wife you are at times…too much like your mom” I lost it and gave him one sluty slap on the face. The car got off balance and got out of the road. Luckily he managed to control it and stopped by the side of the road

Ria:”what the hell Andani, are you trying to kill us?”

Me:”maybe, maybe we should just die because I can see already where this is going. How in a world can you insult my mom like that? She loved you Ria, she still does. in spite of the fact that you were not the man my parents dreamt about they accepted you, they gave you pocket money when your bursary was slacking…they gave you a job in their company after you graduated before you got a real job…they treated you like a son and now all of a sudden they are bad people just because you met Pearl?”

Ria:”wow Pearl again?”

Me:”I know that’s what you meant when you said something about meeting other people. I understand you didn’t play Ria, I am your first girlfriend, the first girl you’ve been with and maybe you wanna play….you wanna be with other women but a little respect for me won’t hurt, you don’t have to throw it on my face, you don’t have to hurt me like this ok? Come to think of it, if the tables were turned and you were me…how would you feel? After everything we’ve been through together and now you are making me compete for your attention with some girl we hardly know? Why though? Apart from the fact that my parents are rich what else did I do wrong except loving you? Not once have I made you feel less of a man because I am loaded or anything of that sort….i have only loved you and what are you doing now? Throwing all that we have built away for rounds of sex with Pearl? Is it worth it? Is it? I am carrying this child now and for his/her sake I’ve been pretending to be happy today, trying to forget what you’ve done to me because I want us to be happy, I want this child to be happy with both parents but I can’t be the only one holding things together…I just can’t…you need to do your part too” I was wiping off the tears

Ria:”Ok Andani i….”

Me:”please just drive ok? I am sorry I slapped you but you drive me insane, you make me so angry Rialivhuwa….you hurt me somuch….i never thought that we’d be here”

Ria:”Andani i…”

Me:”please drive”

We drove back to work in silent. He parked the car at the parking lot and looked at me

Me:”we are going to get out of this car and start smiling and walk hand in hand and be happy because I am never going to have you humiliate me in front of my colleagues like you’ve been doing ok? I am never going to cry here Ria, you are never ever going to sleep with Pearl in this very office because if you do I will seriously divorce you and you will never ever see this child again. You f*** Pearl all you want but I demand to be respected, I should never know about it and one more thing. Don’t ever expect sex from me…as long as you are still getting it outside….i wont be giving it to you anymore. I know you are probably thinking that you drive me crazy and that I won’t go a week without wanting to make love with you but just so you know…..you aint the only person with the penis in the planet”

I said that and quickly got out of the car. I was scared of his reaction so I stood outside and waited, at least I knew he was not going to go all John Cena on me at the parking lot with our colleagues driving in and out. What I said in there was crazy and I feared to find out what he was gonn do to me if it was just the 2 of us. He sat in the car for a while and then finally he got out. He smiled and extended his hand to take mine. I started smiling and gave him my hand and we walked inside.

Life as we know it

Insert 15

We got to the office and went straight to his. You’d swear Pearl had food in her mouth…she was angry. I smiled at her and walked past with my husband.

Me:”I will see you when we knock off…which is in an hour, I love you” I said as we were approaching his door

Ria:”I love you too” he kissed me and walked in and I turned around to walk away

Pearl:”so how long do you plan on playing this game? I can play it too you know” she said. I smiled and turned around to look at her. I walked closer because I didn’t wanna risk anyone hearing us

Me:”ok, I will only do this once so you better listen to me very carefully. This is not a game ok? I am married to Ria, I am his wife and if he dies today I get everything he owns and you get nothing so its really not a game. As for playing, you can keep playing love because I know for a fact that he is not done with you, apparently you are good in bed…ow yeah he told me and I decided to focus on some serious matter and let you handle the bedroom. We are pregnant….can you believe it? I will be busy preparing to be a mom and you know how pregnant women are with mood swings and all so you’ll have to do what you do best….give him the best sex money can buy…believe me I will let him spend any peny on you…I won’t complain” with that I turned around and walked away. You know that beautiful feeling you get when you’ve just won a race? Well its kinda how I felt. I wanted to scream and laugh out loud for everyone to hear but I kept my cool.

The rest of the day went on very quickly and then I drove home with my husband. He parked the car at the driveway and we walked inside the house

Me:”I will start cooking right away…I was thinking of making lamb stew….what do you think?” I was taking off my high heels leaning against the kitchen table. I honestly didn’t see that one coming but he came and held me up by my neck…tjooo I was horrified, I was seriously shocked...what the hell is going on

Me:”Rrrrr…” I tried to call his name but he was strangling me so I couldn’t

Ria:”what the hell was that today?” he let go of me and I looked at him petrified. I coughed and breathed heavily

Me:”what is going on?” I was holding my neck

Ria:”this my dear wife is your husband trying to teach you a lesson”

I was still as petrified as hell when he gave me a hot clap and I stumbled across the room and got even more confused. I was still that confused when I felt his fist on my chest and then I fell down to the floor. Seriously I was too shocked to start screaming. He kicked me while I was lying on the floor. Have you ever felt so small? Like literally small? Like you mean absolutely nothing? Like zero? That’s how I felt. I was on the floor of my own house and I felt like nothing. He kicked me several times, I lost count as to how many but the honest truth is that it hurt like hell.

Ria:”no matter how angry you get Andani, you are not going to talk to me like that ever again, let alone trying to beat me. That was the last straw; you don’t pull such stunts with your husband. Maybe your mom used to do it to your dad but I aint going to allow it ok? I am the husband here and as for Pearl and you not sleeping with me…that’s bull. I will make love to you whenever I want to…for better or worse love. I am your husband and I will force myself on you if I have to, you aint gonna stop me from making love to my wife. And that crap you said about me not being the only one with a penis...well mine will be the only one you’ll ever feel because i promise you Andani i will do more than just kicking you if you cross me” After that he walked away. I hugged myself and was afraid to even move

I blamed myself for disrespecting him. I pushed him too far and now I was paying for that. After a long while I started crying softly. My marriage was as good as dead. Rialivhuwa was getting worse every day and I was just a failure of a wife. I didn’t respect him, not at all. What the hell was I thinking when I said all those things and when I hit him? I shouldn’t have done that. Getting up was hard but I winced and did my best to stand up on my own feet. My whole body hurt, the thought that the love of my life was responsible for the pain I was in is what made it worse, it is what hurt me the most. I walked to the bedroom and I found him sitting on the bed with his phone on his hand. I walked past him to the bathroom. I got there and stood in front of the mirror and I looked like a mess. My R4000.00 weave was not recognisable anymore. My body was starting to get swollen, thank God he didn’t touch my face because that was going to be something else, imagine showing up at work with blue-eyed face. He walked in while I was standing in front of the mirror. I didn’t move an inch but deep inside I was scared. How is it possible? For one to fear the one they love somuch? How do you still love someone that you are afraid of? I started shaking but still stood on that same position. He stood next to me and he looked straight at the mirror and our eyes met. I don’t know if I hated him or what? But at that moment I couldn’t feel the love, the butterflies, the tingling feeling…I felt empty and scared. He tried to touch me but I winced and moved an inch away from him.

Ria:”I am so sorry Andani, I didn’t know that I’d do so much damage”

I stood there and didn’t say anything. Like really, what was he expecting? I was not trying to be cheeky or stubborn or anything…I just didn’t know what to say. I mean what do you say to your husband after he did what was done to me? I am quite a reader but I hadn’t read a book on that so I was clueless. My dad never did something like this to my mom so she didn’t give me the memo.

Ria:”my love? Please talk to me…how are you feeling? How is the baby?”

Ow s*** i remembered that i was pregnant and i prayed that my baby could still be ok. So he was only concerned about the baby? Did he forgot that I was pregnant when he went all wrestlemania on me like that? I turned around and walked to the bath. I ran myself a hot bath and I just sat in the water. Shockingly, Ria was sitting on the chair just looking at me. I sat there for….i don’t know for how long but it was for more than an hour. My mind was unable to process that my marriage had become what they call an abusive marriage, that Ria was my abuser and I was now a victim. I know how it works, I aint dumb….i read books and I watch stories and movies. The right thing for me to do would be to report him to the Police station but hellnoooo, I was not going to do that. It was the right thing to do but not an easy one. I mean how do I get my Ria arrested? And what happens after that? I mean that would obviously mean the end of our marriage. I thought about what I was going to do next, who I was going to tell and the answer was simple…I was not going to do anything and I was definitely not going to tell anyone. I mean Vhusani was my best friend I know but I know she was going to freak out and end up approaching him about the matter and I didn’t want that, it was just going to upset him further. As for my siblings or parents, lord they were seriously gonna go insane and demand that i leave him.

After what felt like decades I got out of the water and wrapped a towel around my body. Ria also got up

Ria:”Andani we need to talk bbe please”

Me:”how about sleep? I just want to sleep” I walked to the bedroom and he walked after me

Ria:”I am sorry about everything, about what I did to you…I was just angry that you belittled me, that you acted like you owned me….i was just angry I am sorry”

Me:”you planned this Ria, the whole afternoon at work you’ve been thinking about doing this to me. We can’t say that it was a spare of the moment thing, you planned it and you did it. You could have just talked to me”

Ria:”like you talked to me in the car?”

Me:”ok good night” I was getting into bed when he grabbed my hand and it was painful

Ria:”don’t do that Andani, don’t” I felt fear quickly creeping in…I was scared

Me:”y…you…are hurting me” my voice was very low and my eyes teary

Ria:”oww…uhm I am sorry” really, this was really scary. I didn’t understand this new person he had become. Like where in a world was this forever angry Rialivhuwa hiding all these years

Me:”uhm….c…ca….can i…uhm….sleep….please?” I pleaded

Ria:”uhm…ok…if that’s what you want….i am sorry ok? I don’t know what’s happening with me Andani I am sorry” he moved away from me and I quickly got into bed and covered myself with the blankets. I silently cried myself to sleep. I couldn’t sleep though. I felt him getting into bed and I was super scared. He moved closer to me and hugged me from behind…damn my whole body became stiff and I suddenly couldn’t breathe…I started shaking

Ria:”Andani babe what’s wrong?”

Me:”no…nothing”

Ria:”Andi bbe please I won’t hurt you again, I will never do that to you again ok? Please you don’t have to be afraid of me” I could feel the pain in his voice and I slowly started to relax. My whole body was in pain and the touch of his body to mine was enough to hurt me again because I was swollen.