Life as we know it
Insert 86
Eugene:” Andi”
Me:” it’s a simple question Eugene”
Eugene:” some of the operations are still running” I gave up…I desperately wanted him to tell me that he stopped everything when Rod died but this was all in his blood, this is all who and what he is. I mean what reason was there for him to continue after Rod was gone?
Me:” I give up”
Eugene:” it’s not that easy. When Rod died he entrusted everything to me, he made me promise that I’d take care of things and this is me keeping that promise plus it was the only life I knew Andi”
Me:” selling people and feeding them drugs? Eugene the things you do are not good for the society, you are not good at all”
Eugene:”jeez Andani I don’t sell people”
Me:” what is it that you do then?”
Eugene:” I do drugs operations yes, I have a group of women in a brothel doing their business yes, I have gun operations yes but not human trafficking, I used to do that stuff but I couldn’t continue after Rod died…that’s one line of the business I couldn’t continue with”
Me:” you are not lying to me right?” he shook his head
Me:” how did Rod die?”
Eugene:” it was during school holidays on my 4th year of varsity. Rod and Stacy took me and Isabella to Mexico for the first time. He wanted me to see where they had grown up. Stacy was his childhood sweetheart so they grew up together and they played together as kids so he wanted to show me where they spent their childhood. We stayed there for about 6 days and on the 7th day, the Police got a tip that Paolo was in town and they came to his house. When we found out that the house was surrounded, it was already too late. Paolo asked me to hide with his daughter at the basement while he, his wife and some of his guys took the police on. The last message he gave me was that if he don’t make it out alive then I should make sure that his daughter gets adopted by a happy couple so that at least she’d be happy and that she’d be far away from this life”
Me:” ok I get it….so how many people do you control?” he looked at me and smiled…he looked a bit drunk by now
Eugene:” I don’t know….i guess it’s a lot, I don’t keep in contact with people on the ground….nope, I only deal with real business guys and those are the ones who run the show at the top…so I am just chilling and spending the money”
Me:” blood money”
Eugene:” not necessarily…I distribute drugs Andi and as much as I know that drugs are bad…I don’t go around advertising them on billboards or on TV, people take drugs because they want them and I don’t force people to…so if people stop taking the damn drugs then I would stop distributing, I distribute because there is a demand”
Me:” that’s just lame and you know it too so I am not even going to try and argue with you about it”
Eugene:” ow”
Me:” so you’ve killed people before?” he looked at me and laughed but I kept a straight face. He stopped laughing and looked at me finally
Eugene:”uhm obviously yeah”
Me:” how many?” I felt my heart throbbing, Eugene was a killer too? So all this time I was sleeping with a serial killer?
Eugene:” I don’t really keep count” I know I wanted to know these things but now I was not too sure anymore if knowing was a good idea…he did warn me though, he did told me that after knowing this then there is no unknowing
Me:” a lot?”
Eugene:” I don’t know what you mean by lot….my lot and your lot are totally different, is the interrogation done? Because I have some questions for you”
Me:” oww what questions?”
Eugene:” the feds….what did they want from you?” the face he made while asking the question was not a friendly one…I guess that’s what he looked like while talking to his criminal partners
Me:” nothing” I got up and walked to the kitchen to get some water. He walked after me
Eugene:” after the lecture you gave me about lying I really didn’t expect it from you” what? How did he know I was lying?
Me:” so you think I am lying?” I quickly drank the water and walked back to the living room and sat on the couch.
Eugene:” I know you are….they asked you to spy on me right? To tell them stuff about me and you’ve actually been thinking about it” he sat opposite me again…gosh this was creepy, how did he know about that?
Me:” how did you know that’s what they asked me to do?”
Eugene:” because I have been around enough to know how they operate”
Me:” well I feel that you deserve to be jailed for the misery you’ve been putting everyone through Eugene. People are dying, kids are deserting school and selling drugs…young girls are working as prostitutes….i feel that you deserve whatever it is that the feds want to do to you” I said looking straight at him. He looked at me and didn’t say anything. I stared back at him awkwardly…why was he not say anything? He should be saying something right? What the hell was he thinking?
Me:” you are not gonna say anything?” I finally said it out loud because I couldn’t take his staring and his silence
Eugene:” it’s not every day that I hear the woman I love say what you just said….you want me to get jailed….to be away from you….it left me with a hell lotta questions…for starters, do you love me at all?” I took his bottle of whiskey and poured a glass but he quickly took it before I could take it…
Me:” my glass” he shook his head. His eyes were red…he was drunk or maybe half drunk…I am not sure but I could see that he was not really sober.
Me:” I think you should leave Eugene, I need to pack up”
Eugene:” huh?” tjoooo I forgot that he didn’t know yet that I was leaving town
Me:” I am leaving Cape Town…I have already handed in my resignation letter….i am going home Eugene” he gulped the glass I had poured for myself and stood up….he stumbled a bit while doing so
Eugene:” you are what?” he talked while pointing with his one hand and slightly closing his eyes
Me:” I figured that I can’t do this anymore. Staying here with you and everything you do, it’s better if I am away Gee, I just can’t be with…..”
Eugene:” a criminal?”
Me:” yeah that” I couldn’t even bring myself to saying the words out, it was still hard to believe that my Eugene was a wanted criminal. He put the glass on the table and came and knelt in front of me and held my hand
Me:” Eugene don’t”
Eugene:” I love you” his eyes were lazing about….he really was drunk
Me:” I know but I can’t accept what you are and what you do”
Eugene:” Andani you mean fucking everything to me….it’s the reason why I told you everything about me…it’s the reason why I told you things that could lend me in jail, things that could make me lose everything I have including myself….that’s because I love you and with you, I can surrender my power and my everything and just be someone who loves you. I can take down my crown for you and be the man you can control Andi….just think about it….i am an animal and a monster if needs be but you….you have a leash to put that monster in control Andani…you are the women who can make me lose my sense of thinking”
I won’t lie I was taken…for few seconds there I envisioned the world where I was what he explained. The powerless woman who held the power and a key to a Powerful Eugene. But as appealing as the idea of it all was…..i couldn’t do it. I was a mother and I had to consider my son’s future….imagine having a thug for a step dad? I couldn’t do something like that to my son. Plus Eugene’s world was dangerous, I couldn’t survive under such circumstances and how do I forget the fact that he kills people and sell drugs and just be intimate with him? I couldn’t
Me:” you sold it right Eugene, its appealing yes…but I just can’t be that woman”
Eugene:” Andani I am begging you”
Me:” leave everything Gee, that’s the only thing that could make me stay…leave it all behind…if I mean anything to you then you’d do it” he looked at me in disbelief
Eugene:” you want me to leave everything? I thought love was enough. I will love you and you won’t even know that those businesses exist…..don’t you love me anymore?”
Me:” you know I still do…..but….you kill people” I whispered looking at him….he wiped my tear looking at me
Eugene:” I am not asking you to kill anyone….i am asking you to love me and let yourself be loved by me”
Me:” you want me to overlook everything?” he nodded. I shook my head
Me:” I am sorry but I can’t…now if you don’t mind, I have to pack up” I got up to walk away but he snatched my hand and held it so tight
Eugene:” not so fast”
Me:” Eugene?”
Eugene:” you are not packing s*** and you are not going anywhere”
Me:” Eugene you can’t stop me” I was looking at him with my horrified face, he got to be kidding me
Eugene:”watch me” he walked to the table and took my car keys and then went to my handbag and took my phone
Me:” Eugene what do you think you are doing?” he also took my house keys and walked to my bedroom, I walked after him. He went to the bedside drawers and took the house and car spare keys….how the hell did he know I kept them there?
Me:” Eugene stop this madness”
Eugene:” you stop the madness Andi”
Me:” you can’t just decide to keep me here” what was going on with this man?
Eugene:”well I did….i have just poured my damn heart out to you and you think I am gonna let you walk out of here so that you’d tell your friends about it? So that you’d run to Ria and cry in his arms? Ahg no ways” He walked to the door
Me:” Eugene don’t do this” I was almost in tears
Eugene:” I can’t let you walk out of here Andi, not after everything I have told you…what if you go and rant me to the police? You are the one who said I deserved to be in jail remember? I told you from the beginning, knowing was a bad idea”
Me:” trust me to keep this to myself” I said desperately…I was standing there talking to a different Eugene, a ruthless Eugene
Eugene:” last time you asked me to do that you ended up pregnant and not knowing who the father was and now you expect me to trust you with my life? This is my life on the way…I would have trusted you if you didn’t give me the ’I need to leave town’ crap…why you gotta do that to me? I expected at least a hug or something….not this rejection you showed me”
Me:”but Eugene you can’t expect me to just come to terms with everything”
Eugene:” f***” he said that and gave me a scary look. He walked to me with a look that only said “gevaar…danger….khombo” and I knew whatever it is he was about to do wasn’t friendly…I don’t know if he was capable of physically hurting me but he sure looked scary. I quickly ran to my room screaming and he ran after me. I got to the room and tried to close the door but he pushed it open with such a force that I fell on my back and quickly tried to get up. If he was going to kill me then he’d do it with me trying to run for my life
Eugene:” Andani please tell me you didn’t” I honestly had no idea what he was talking about but I was too scared to even ask what he was on about
Me:” Eugene you are scaring me” I said sliding on the floor trying to get away. He grabbed me by my leg and pulled me to him
Life as we know it
Insert 87
Eugene:” Andani tell me you didn’t” he shouted with tears on his face….what was he on about? People please help!
Me:” Eugene I didn’t do anything” I cried.
He quickly took off all my clothes and left me with absolutely nothing. He then checked my hair and then checked my clothes thoroughly. I was sitting in a corner hugging myself and shaking. When he was done he threw everything away and took a sigh of relief. He slowly walked to me and sat on the floor
Eugene:” I am sorry, I thought you were bugged and that the police listened and recorded our conversation….damn Andi the pain I felt when I thought you betrayed me” he said with a smile. I didn’t see anything to smile about, he had just violated me, scared me to death and left me sitting in a corner naked and now he’s just gonna start smiling and expect me to follow suit?
Me:” as much as I hate what you are, I will never do that to you and to think that you thought I’d betray you like that?” I whispered in a low voice
Eugene:” thank you…come here” he moved closer to me
Me:” no…just stay away from me Eugene”
Eugene:” Andani!”
Me:” I want to leave Eugene, I want to leave this town, I want to leave you….i can’t believe that everything we had was a damn lie” I cried
Eugene:” shhhhh! Andi it wasn’t a lie…I love you, you know that but I just can’t….i can’t risk letting you go….the police will obviously come after you and you are too soft Andi….they will manipulate you to talk or use you…..i can’t risk you leaving this door because after that even if you come back….i can’t trust you, I can’t trust that you aren’t working for them”
Me:” Eugene I am not happy with what you do but I will never rat you out” I shouted in desperation
Eugene:” I trust you love I do but I don’t trust McCarthy and his team…they will turn you against me and having you leave me and allow you back in my life again, which i know I will if you come back…it will be the end of me, they will use the only thing that weakens me and that’s you….so I have to keep you away”
Me:” for how long?”
Eugene:” I don’t know….that’s why I told you that you really don’t want to know, look at how complicated things are now….you know things about me that I haven’t told anyone and you are the only person I have ever admitted to that I deal those stuff….Andani imagine how much of an asset you are to the feds….they’d do anything for you to give them what they want…they can go as far as threatening your son….so trust me when I say you are safer here” lord what have I done? So my son can be in danger?
Eugene:” as long as you are in hiding, they have no power against you….come here” he handed out his hand to take mine
Me:” no you are not touching me”
Eugene:” ok Mrs Eugene, just know that I love you….so much even” he walked out of the house and after a while I heard his car driving away.
After I heard his car left I ran to the kitchen only to find that my door was locked. Ow no he didn’t…I walked to the back door and obviously it was locked too. I walked back to the couch and sat there looking into space. I couldn’t cry, crying wasn’t going to be of any help, I needed to come up with a plan to help me get out of this house and call Vhusani. At least I knew she’d help book a flight ticket and get me out of here. If Eugene thought I was going to let him control my life then he had another thing coming. I sat there looking around trying to think of a plan. My whole house had butler proof…except…..except for the bathroom. The window was obviously far up but I could try getting out through it. I went to the dining room and took out one chair and walked to the bathroom. I opened the window and climbed on the chair and tried getting out. I battled but at the end I succeeded, I fell outside. It hurt when I fell but I couldn’t really focus on that. My whole life was on the line and I had to run.
I walked to the gate and the damn thing was locked. I had no choice but to climb the fence and I did just that. I realised when I was outside that I didn’t have shoes on….not that I cared. I walked to my neighbour’s house…it was around 11 in the morning and I was hoping and praying that my neighbour didn’t go to work. I walked inside and knocked on the door. The helper opened for me…i asked to see my neighbour but obviously they were at work. I asked to use their landline….i explained to the lady that I stay next door and that I just needed to talk to someone. She led me in the house and all the way to the lounge where their landline was. I dialled Vhusani right away…her phone rang unanswered, I tried again and nothing. Lord I felt like crying, why do something like this always happens? When you are about to run or when you desperately need someone’s help then they are suddenly not available. I was left with no choice but to call the only man I didn’t wanna talk to. I knew he’d help. I wanted to call Vhusani’s boyfriend Lala but I didn’t memorize his cell number so I called Ria
Ria:” hello”
Me:” Hello Rialivhuwa its Andani”
Ria:” hey Andani, good to hear from you” I could hear the excitement from his voice and damn, it made me feel like vomiting
Me:” I need your help” as much as I hated saying those words to him, I didn’t have a choice, I had to swallow my little pride so that I’d get help
Ria:” anything for you love what do you want?”
Me:” just because I want your help then you are going to push it and call me love? Why do you always have to be so annoying?” I said angrily
Ria:” ok I am sorry, what do you need help with?”
Me:” I am kind of in a situation and I need you to bail me out if you are not busy”
Ria:” I can’t be busy for you” I rolled my eyes
Me:” come to my house now please please, don’t try to call my phone, I don’t have it”
Ria:” uhm ok, I will be there in 15” I breathed feeling relieved that at least help was on the way.
I thanked the lady and got out of their house and stood at my gate. I fixed my hair while standing there; I was bare foot so I at least wanted my hair to look fine. After few minutes Ria’s car pulled up at my gate. He got out of the car and quickly ran to me. He tried to hug me but I moved away
Me:” whoah whoah whoah hold on tiger….i asked for your help not for hugs and kisses please, nothing have changed between us…and no questions about why I don’t have shoes”
Ria:” uhm ow owk”
Me:” I am serious Rialivhuwa, if you are expecting anything from me then its better if you don’t help at all”
Ria:” Andani I don’t hate you at all, you are the mother of my son and needless to say….if it’s not that obvious, I still love you so I would help you any other day….get inside the car and tell me what’s wrong” I dragged myself all the way to the car. He got in too
Me:” can I please use your phone?”
Ria:” yeah of course” I tried calling Vhusani again but she still didn’t pick up. I thought of calling my parents but I didn’t want them to start worrying about me. I looked at Rialivhuwa while giving him his phone back
Me:” uhm….i need to get home….to Venda and I need your help “
Ria:”ok how do I help?”
Me:” book me the next available ticket to either Polokwane or OR Tambo and after that….i need a little shopping for the outfit and a few bucks to get me home”
Ria:” I don’t mean to pry Andi but what’s going on?” jeez I didn’t want to tell Ria anything, but he was not blind or stupid, he could clearly see that something was wrong
Me:” I can’t explain it to you; just help me with all this please”
Ria:” uhm ok….i am only doing this because after everything I have put you through, you deserve whatever help I can give you” he looked at me and started the car and we drove to the mall
Ria:” do your shopping and I will be booking a flight ticket for you ok?” he took out his wallet and gave me his bank card
Ria:” you still remember the pin right?” I smiled
Me:” remind me”
Ria:” you are serious?” I laughed
Me:” dude I am kidding” I took the card and walked away. I didn’t have time to be walking around town barefooted so I just went to one shop and bought myself two outfits and went back to the car.
Ria:” wow that was shorter than I expected, I thought you’d take the whole day”
Me:” I am just not in the mood”
Ria:” the next available flight is tomorrow morning…is that ok?”
Me:” uhm eish I wanted to leave today” my plan was to leave today and get home and tell my dad and my brothers to come back and fetch the rest of my stuff, I couldn’t risk going there all by myself….not after Eugene’s kidnapping attempt
Ria:” we don’t have a plan now do we?”
Me:” except that I need a place to sleep”
Ria:” oww I will book you into a hotel….i am staying with my…you know” I nodded
Me:” I totally get it, no need to explain” so Ria and I drove to a hotel where he booked me in
Ria:” I guess I will have to come here tomorrow to drive you to the airport…fell free to contact me if you need anything”
Me:” thanks” he turned around to walk away
Me:” Rialivhuwa”
Ria:’yes”
Me:” thank you for all this, I know our last encounter wasn’t a peaceful one but you still managed to do all this for me even though I feel like I don’t deserve any of it, so thank you”
Ria:” any time Andi…see you tomorrow” he walked away smiling.
I walked to the room he booked for me. I unlocked and walked in. I took a sigh of relief….damn what a long day I had. It was past one in the afternoon and I had already had enough. What I really needed at that moment was a shower. I needed to shower and then rest. I walked to the shower and after the shower I came back to the room. I planned on taking a nap. I was napping when someone came knocking on my door. Who the hell was that? It could only be Rialivhuwa, or maybe room service but I didn’t order anything so my best guess was Rialivhuwa. Why was he back here? Ahg I don’t know what I was expecting thinking that Rialivhuwa would just help me and expect nothing in return. I got out of bed and wore the gown I found in the room and dragged my feet to the door. I opened the door with my eyes closed as I was yawning. I could feel the air leaving my body as soon as I stared at the man standing at the door. How did he know? How did he find me?
Me:”wh…ho…how d….uhm” I struggled to breathe. He walked in without waiting for my invite and he closed and locked the door behind him. The floor dropped from underneath me and I stood there motionless
Eugene:” but why? Andani why? All I ever did was love you and trust you but look at how you repay me for all that? Him? Andani you went back to him? To Rialivhuwa again? You know how I feel about that man but you went to him anyway” he was shouting. It was then that I realised the depth of my betrayal to him…I started to see the situation from his view; damn I had hurt him…again. I went back to the man I cheated on him with, what could be more painful than that?
Me:” I needed help to get out, I am sorry but if you didn’t take my stuff then I wouldn’t have called him” he paced up and down…that was me trying to defend myself even though I already knew that what I did was wrong in so many ways. But then again, Eugene pushed my hand
Eugene:” do you have any idea what I want to do to you right now? How you are making me feel? Andani you are ripping my damn heart apart….jeeez God why do I even love this woman?” he said that and sat on the couch looking like a defeated person. What he said stung, he regretted loving me, it was as if I had brought him nothing but pain but it wasn’t all my fault….what he told me was just too much and to top it off, he locked me inside my house
Me:” I am sorry Eugene but you locked me inside the house what were you expecting?”
Eugene:” I don’t know what I expected but obviously not another Ria episode. I did it to protect us ok? I did it because I love you and I thought that part was clear….you didn’t have to call him, Andani you’ve cheated on me with that man”
Me:” just give me everything that belongs to me so that I’d go hom-“ someone knocked on the door and we all went dead silent…I looked at Eugene and he put his finger on his mouth signalling for me not to say anything. The knocking persisted
“Andani I know you are in there….it’s Officer McCarthy and Officer Gregory”
Eugene:” these fucks” he whispered
Me:” how?” I whispered back
McCarthy:” we are not leaving until you open for us”
Eugene:” ok, let me do this” he took out his gun and hid it under the pillow on the couch and went to open the door. See? He walks around with a gun, I just can’t get used to all this
Eugene:” can we help?”
Gregory:” the hell are you doing here?” Eugene folded his hands on his chest
Eugene:” I should be asking you that question, I am in here with my fiancée…that’s not a crime right? I mean if it is then I should call my lawyer”
McCarthy:” you’ve brain washed her already”
Eugene:” why would I do that…Andani babe come here, I think they want to have a chat with you” he said and looked back at me. I walked to the door
Me:” officers I am having a private moment with my fiancée so if you don’t mind”
Gregory:” please ma’am”
Me:” I was with both of you this morning….i am allowed to still live my life right? Then let me do it in peace please”
Eugene:” you heard her”
McCarthy:” this is not over Gee”
Eugene:” ok” the officers turned around and Eugene closed the door
Eugene:” hahhhhhh thank you so much” he said standing against the door
Eugene:” I thought you’d want to go with them”
Me:” I should have but I didn’t because I want you to know that you can trust me, I want you to allow me to live in peace”
Eugene:” are you not getting it? They are already in your tail like you are the number one suspect, they will follow you just so that you can give them something on me….so noo Andani you are not going anywhere”
Me:” Eugene I am tired of this if you don’t le-“
Eugene:” ok just shut the f*** up, I have let this go on for too long so listen to me and listen to me very carefully….i am going to put you in my damn house and if you dare try to ran away Andani I will show you flames”
Me:” you wouldn’t” I murmured, as scary as he looked, I just wanted to believe that somehow I was special to him and that he wouldn’t hurt me
Eugene:” I love you cupcake I do but you are twisting my hand right now….you really don’t want to make me angry Andani, I do the unthinkable when I am angry so please don’t press the buttons that you won’t be able to deal with ok? So you are getting dressed and we are going to walk out of here like nothing happened and as for your ex-husband….it’s about time I do what I had always wanted to do to him…get dressed” he sat on the couch and looked away, it was as if he was deep in thought. I wanted to ask what he wanted to do with Rialivhuwa but I knew better than that. Being interested on what happens to Ria was just going to make him more angry and that was the last thing I wanted.
So what was going to happen now? My attempt to try and run away from Eugene had failed. I shouldn’t have asked and begged him to tell me these things, seriously, knowing what was up and down had only brought me trouble. As for Eugene I was not even sure if I loved him anymore, was there anything to love in him anymore? I fell in love with the sweet and loving Eugene only to find out that beneath all that is a heartless man who has killed people and deal drugs and all the shady stuff. How do I love someone who does such ugly things? Was a man like him capable of love? I was not sure if he loved me or if he was just using me. I suddenly felt the rush of fear falling on me…what if he planned on using me as a mule? What if that’s the case? Tjooo I felt like my life was over, like I had nothing to live for anymore, Eugene obviously had it in for me and I was never getting away from him.
Me:” I am done” I said as soon as I was done getting dressed. We walked out of the hotel and he walked straight to a red Ferrari that was parked outside. He opened the door for me
Me:” yours?” I asked without so much as enthusiasm
Eugene:” yep, no more hiding love, you know everything now” I got inside without saying a word and he drove to an address I didn’t know. When he opened the gate of a strange mantion, I realised that it was the house I saw on the picture. I felt my heart pounding, what if there are dead bodies in here? What if he was going to kill me? I started shaking in fear. I was really scared. He parked the car at the drive way
Eugene:” Andani cupcake just loosen up ok? I am still me” jeez I couldn’t loosen up damn it…you kill people, you are a damn criminal and even though you don’t wanna admit it….i still believe that you sell people…I silently said to myself. He got out of the car and came to open the door for me. I got out and looked around. I was too sad and scared to admire the beauty of the house; my mind was not into it.
Eugene:” welcome to our second or should I say 3rd home” he opened the door and walked in and I followed. Wow not what I expected. The house was big, open and beautiful
Eugene:” this is where you will be staying for a couple of days, at least I know you won’t run away from here…we will wait until the feds leave the country and then…just then you’ll have your freedom back” so I was officially taken against my own will.
Eugene:” uhm I don’t know if you’ll need a house tour or you’ll get to know the house yourself” I just looked away and not say a word. I then heard my phone ringing…he had it here?
Eugene:” ow that’s yours” he took it out of his jean pocket
Eugene:” Andani’s phone hello….i am her fiancée….yes I can take a message….what? Owww uhm I will let her know…thanks bye”
Me:” you are answering my phone now?” he looked at me with half a sigh and half a smile
Eugene:” Rialivhuwa had been in a car accident” my breathing stopped
Life as we know it
Insert 88
Me:” Eugene what do you mean?” I said with fear in my voice. I had already ruled out the fact that he was talking about the car accident, that couldn’t have happened; I was with him earlier today
Eugene:” I mean an accident as in car accident” he was talking as if it didn’t matter, like he was telling me about 75% sale at some clothing store, this didn’t bother him one bit
Me:” oww my God, how is he?” I said covering my mouth with my hands
Eugene:” well, he died” and he walked out of my face and disappeared into the passage. What was that? He left me standing there gasping for air. What did he mean Ria was dead…I quickly followed him to the passage
Me:” Eugene” I called out while I was crying
Eugene:” yes” he turned around and looked at me.
Me:” what do you mean he died?” I asked while swallowing hard
Eugene:” that he is no more Andi, Rialivhuwa is dead”
My heart sank and I felt pain I didn’t understand. I stood there looking at the man staring back at me who felt no remorse about the heart breaking news he had just told me and I felt like dying. I know Ria was nothing but just my ex-husband and my baby daddy but that didn’t mean that I wanted him to die, I wanted my son to grow up with his father. Tears came out and I knew there was no stopping them. I sobbed standing right there. Eugene walked to me slowly and gave me a hug. I hated him at that moment, I didn’t want him to hug me but I was too weak to protest. Ria must have been an asshole but he was my son’s father and for that reason I could feel the loss in my heart. I suddenly thought of what Eugene had said earlier on, he said something about doing to Rialivhuwa something that he should have done before. Ow no…ow no. I slowly let go of his grip and looked at him wiping my tears
Me:” it was you” I whispered while shaking
Eugene:” what?”
Me:” don’t play dumb with me Eugene you killed him” he rolled his eyes. Oww my God the thought that there was a possibility that Eugene had something to do with it was just unbearable
Eugene:” well, I wanted him dead and I am not going to pretend to be stressed about the fact that he is no more….but I didn’t do it”
Me:” it could only be you…you did this” I broke down in front of him
Me:” just admit it” I said with my hands on my hips feeling so weak
Eugene:” do you honestly want the truth?” I felt my whole body burning and rash ran through my body, I was petrified. Yes I wanted him to admit that he did it but there were parts of me that just didn’t want to believe that he was that heartless, that he’d hurt me like that
Eugene:” I did it…it had to be done” I literally lost all sense of reasoning, lost all strength and just lost control of myself and I let myself go….he quickly grabbed me before I made it to the ground and carried me to the couch
Eugene:” love are you ok?”
Where in a world did he purchase the liver to call me love? After everything he had done to me he still had the nerve to call me love? He walked away and came back with a glass of water. Lord please who was this? What did I get myself into? I was horrified.
Eugene:” drink up” I didn’t want to drink the damn water; it wasn’t going to help with anything. I pushed him away and sat up. Damn it I was in a serious pain…I couldn’t believe that Rialivhuwa was gone and worse, I couldn’t believe that Eugene had something to do with it. How did he do it? How did he kill someone he knew and acted like it meant nothing? I know I had been saying I can’t be with him anymore because of what he was but there were parts of me that wanted him to be better, that believed that he wasn’t that bad but this….killing Rialivhuwa told me something totally different…Eugene was one scary animal and I had to stay away from him
Me:” Eugene why? Why are you doing all this?” I sobbed. I am not gonna lie to anyone….Ria must have been an ass and we were not together anymore but he had a special place in my heart…he was my first everything and the fact that I was never going to see him again hurt so bad. I think what really hurt more was the fact that I was blaming myself. Eugene only killed him because of me
Eugene:” you are not well right now so we better not talk about this”
Me:” I want to talk about it now” I said wiping away tears
Eugene:” uhm ok….since we’ve been very open lately, I will be open to you about this. Ria had been disrespectful to me since we started dating and I had always let him get away with it because he was your son’s father but Andani I can’t have him around you like a summer rash every time we have a damn fight? I mean every time we have a disagreement then I have to worry about you running to him? You cheated on me with him and as if that’s not enough, you ask for his help? How does that reflect on me? You’ve been pushing me too damn hard sisters and this is what happens when you do that”
Me:” he didn’t do anything wrong, it was all me. I called him and I deserve the punishment not him. Eugene you should have just killed me. if I am such a pain to you, if I keep hurting you that much then maybe you should have just killed me not him” I said while sniffing and wiping off the tears
Eugene:” why would I do that? I love you, plus now you get to live with yourself knowing that you got your ex-husband killed… I love you Andani, in a way that I can’t even explain but you can’t keep on disrespecting me…pressing my buttons to see how far I’d go…well Ria’s death is how far I had gone this time around. I am madly in love with you but I am not dumb and I am not gonna let you walk all over me every chance you get. If you are not going to give it to me then I will demand it, I am talking about the respect that I give you. The only opposite sex drama I brought upon us was Kat and that was once…I never slept with her or anything but you…..you are always dragging your ex along so no more….i have put a stop to it and if you twist my arm one more time Andi……you’ll see serious flames” he was breathing each and every word making sure that I got the message he was trying to pass, he then walked up the stairs and then stopped and looked back at me
Eugene:” I am sorry I got him killed but it seemed like the only logically thing to do. You have no idea what you’ve done to me Andi, you’ve made me worse than I was when I met you….all I ever did was love you and right now I am asking you to just accept me as I am but….you just keep hurting me and hurting me….you make me feel like less of a man, like I can’t measure up to what he used to do to you…..it hurts so bad” he wiped off a tear and walked up the steps. I walked after him, I had no idea why I did that or what I was expecting but he walked inside a room and closed the door before I could have a chance to walk in. I heard the sound of a key meaning that he was locking it.
I sat down and took one deep breath and ran my hands through my hair. I heard him cry…like literally sobbing. I couldn’t bear it, I couldn’t sit there and listen to him sobbing because I was going to start feeling sorry for him and he didn’t deserve that. He wasn’t really a victim here…he had killed someone and he actually wanted me to start feeling sorry for him? I walked down the stairs wishing that everything that’s happened had been a dream. I wanted the truth about who Eugene was to be one big bad dream, as for him killing Ria lord can I please be dreaming. I sat on the couch and hugged myself and just cried. I thought about my son growing up without his dad and to think that I actually had something to do with it. I felt that I had robbed my son of a chance to grow up with his father. I wanted to call Vhusani so bad. I really needed her hug but Eugene still had my phone. The hatred I was feeling towards him was unexplainable. I hated him and I hated that I met him and mostly I hated that I loved him. I stopped crying and just sat there and listened to my heart throbbing. I wanted to lie down because I was developing a headache but I had no idea where the bedroom was because he didn’t bother show me anything and I was not in the mood to walk around this mansion.
I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up I found him sitting on the table looking straight at me. He looked fine, like he was never crying. I suddenly felt uncomfortable as his eyes were piercing through me. I sat straight and looked at him
Eugene:” you’ve been out for more than two hours” I looked around and noticed that the lights were on, so it must have been dark outside. I was still trying to gather the strength to be able to talk to him and that was a difficult task
Eugene:” uhm I have cooked some food while you were sleeping, you must be hungry” I looked away and decided that I wasn’t going to talk to him at all, I just couldn’t….looking at him was enough to inflict pain within me so imagine actually exchanging words with him
Eugene:” Andani you gonna have to talk to me at some point”
Me:” where is my bedroom?” I knew he was not going to let me out of the house but I could at least stay away from his face
Eugene:” follow me” I got up and followed him up the stairs, we passed the room he was in earlier on and he showed me to the next one
Eugene:” here”
Me:” thanks, can I have a moment alone?”
Eugene:” Andani”
Me:” please Eugene it’s not every day that my fiancée kills my son’s father…it doesn’t happen every day and I need a moment to digest it all” I said wiping off a tear. Tjoo the way I had been crying. It’s a pity I am not a yellow bone, I swear my face would have been red by now but I am dark skinned so I guess I grew darker
Eugene:” but you do understand that you pushed my hand right? It was as if you were actually begging me to do it”
Me:’ what? Are you listening to yourself? Eugene you are not ok and I think you need help…you are terrifying the s*** out of me, I don’t even know who you are anymore, you scare me Eugene. Being in here alone is torture for me”
Eugene:” is that how you really feel? Afraid of me?”
Me:” you killed my ex-husband, what do you expect? He was a human being Eugene…you don’t just go around killing people. What hurts the most is the fact that you are not even sorry about it and worst part of it all is that you are trying to justify it to me, like you want me to understand why you’d kill a man for helping me…how do you expect me to understand that? Eugene I really can’t stand all this, I can’t stand being with you or in your life so if you can’t let me go then….just end me” he looked at me and blinked. He then turned around and walked away without saying another word.
I sat on the bed and just couldn’t bring myself to sleep on it. I felt that I needed to pee and I had no idea where the bathroom was. I walked out of the room and was passing the room that must have been Eugene’s bedroom when I heard him talking. I moved closer to the door and listened
“No not really, I think I might have ruined the whole party….no, you don’t understand what I mean paps, she actually hate my guts right now. I don’t know….she literally asked me to end her life because she can’t bare being with me….please don’t remind me I feel like s*** already….ahg sorry about my language I am just beside myself….yah I shouldn’t have killed him but the guy was just a nuisance and his face was everywhere….she was my hope, I felt like I had something great again in my life but I guess I fucked it up….uhm sorry about swearing again…you think? The reason why I did it is because I didn’t want to lose her and now that’s what is going to happen, she wants to leave….yeah I can make her stay with me if I want to but I want her to love me back, you know the way Stacy loved Rod…..Paps I don’t know…if things don’t work out then I think I will fly up to spend some time with you and grams….if I don’t fly up there then I am gonna have to do some guns and s*** in order to get over this whole thing and we all know that we don’t want that to happen…..ok send my love to grams, talk later” I tiptoed back to my room. Who was paps and who was grams? This paps knew him like really knew him. I walked out of the room again shaking my head, I ran into him
Me:” where can I find the bathroom?”
Life as we know it
Insert 89
I woke up the following morning with my head pounding. I had no idea what time it was. I looked around the room and for the first time I could clearly see how it looked like. The colour that dominated the room was grey. The sheets were grey, curtains were grey and white, the couch was grey, carpet was also grey…there were few pieces of art that hung on the wall and they were also grey and white. It looked peaceful. I really didn’t expect a bedroom like this. Who did interior design for Eugene anyway? I know he had style but he couldn’t have come up with all this. The lounge and the kitchen also looked superb so he must have hired someone to do it. Or maybe Kat took care of it all…the thought of Kat deciding on what should be done in Eugene’s house stung. I don’t know why it did though, it’s not like I still wanted him in my life…or did i? Ahg hell no I didn’t want to, in fact I should even stop thinking about him. Now that I was already thinking about him…how much did Kat know? Did she know everything? If she did how could she come back to him then?
I looked at the bedside table and there was a tray with some breakfast and juice. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I didn’t wanna eat the food he prepared but damn I was hungry so I dug in. when I was done I walked around the room and went to the window and opened the curtains and looked out the window. The view wasn’t bad though. I walked back and opened the built in closet. There were familiar suitcases in there…not just familiar but my own suitcases. What the hell? So he went to my house and packed my clothes for me? There was a note on top of one suitcase. I took it and read
“I don’t know when you’ll want to drive up for the funeral…but I am ready when you are. I will drive you because you are in no state to do so. As for me staying up there…that’s for you to decide, if you don’t want me there then I won’t stick around. I packed most of your skirts and dresses I thought you’d need during the week…I packed your toiletries as well. Love you”
I scratched my head as I let my confusion took the better of me. So Eugene was being all normal as if nothing happened? The nerve though. I was going to the funeral of someone he killed, didn’t that bother him? I went to the shower and was hoping not to run to him as I walk to the bathroom and luckily I didn’t run into him. After the shower I walked back to the bedroom and changed into a maxi dress and some sandals. I then walked down the stairs. I found him sitting and typing on his laptop
Eugene:” hey” he looked up at me and stopped typing. He was wearing some shorts, bare foot and was topless. I don’t know if he did that on purpose. I am not gonna lie, Eugene was way too hot for a cold blooded murderer he was
Me:” I want to leave now and I would love to drive myself” if that’s ok with you sir, since you are holding me captive….how I wish I could say the last part to him but after the whole killing Ria episode, I couldn’t trust Eugene not to hurt me
Eugene:” please Andi, let me drive you…you know I will never hurt you” well I didn’t know that because killing Rialivhuwa counted as hurting me. As for him using the word please, I don’t know why he did that because it’s not like he was going to take no for an answer
Me:” I don’t have much of a choice now do i?”
Eugene:” stop that, let me go get your bags” he put his laptop on the table and ran up the stairs. I looked at the laptop and looked at the stairs to see if he was coming back. I wanted to see what he was busy with. So I sat on the couch and checked the laptop. Mhm there was nothing interesting; it was actually a report on his legal construction business…how disappointing. I got up and stood in the middle of the room waiting for him. He came back seconds later with my two big suitcases….he was also wearing a shirt and some flip flops
Eugene:” I think I packed everything you’ll need but if something is not here then you’ll have to buy I guess”
Me:” I guess so” he put the bags on the floor
Eugene:” I don’t know what you’ll want to take for the road so I cooked some Mopani worms for you” huh???
Me:” what?” I am not gonna lie I was totally shocked
Eugene:’ uhm yeah, I mean I hear that most Venda people likes them soo…” he seemed nervous, he was even shaking
Me:” where did you get them?”
Eugene:” well I know people who know people who know people”
Me:” well I am not most Venda people…I fall under 30% of those who don’t eat them”
Eugene:’ oww” his face fell
Eugene:” uhm not to worry, I did thought of that so I also cooked some mukusule (dried vegies)” what the hell?
Me:” Eugene who said I needed some traditional food?” I shouted in frustration
Eugene:” ok cool then….i am sure you’ll love the Lasagne that I also prepared, if not then we’ll buy some takeaway on the road then” he gave me his nervous smile
Me:” Eugene Eugene Eugene no amount of food is going to make up for the fact that my son gets to grow up without his dad” I shouted at him
Eugene:” Andani please”
Me:” please what? Eugene this is just too much ok? And just so you know, the only reason why I am still here with you is because you’ve held me captive…I honestly don’t want to breath the same air as you” I said breathing hard…tears started coming out
Eugene:” uhm…i…i…uhm ok let’s just go then” he was literally shaking. He dragged my bags and walked out of the door and I followed him.
Me:” Eugene I think we should take my car because I will need a car to drive around when I am home”
Eugene:’ you can drive around in this”
Me:’ no I am not….i don’t want people looking at me every time I drive that Ferrari of yours”
Eugene:” ok I get it…is the Rover fine?’
Me:” better” he put the bags down and walked to the garage and drove the Rover out, he then drove the Ferrari inside the garage. He took my suitcases and put them at the back seat, he then opened the passenger door for me
Eugene:” you may” I got inside the car and he closed the door and went to his side. He started the car and drove off.
The drive to Makhado was loooong and quiet. We made few stops buying food and going to the loo but no one said anything to the other. Eugene didn’t even bother play music so it was awfully quiet and I fell asleep few times. We got to Makhado round at about 8 in the evening.
Eugene:” uhm this is as far as my GPS can take me, I don’t know where your house is”
Me:” I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to drive in…my dad is probably home so I don’t think you should drive in….especially with everything that’s going on” he looked at me and breathed
Eugene:” take me to a hotel then….i will book the first flight tomorrow”
Me:” you do realise that you’ll have to travel to Polokwane for a flight right?”
Eugene:” uhm, I will make a plan”
Me:” can I drive then? I will take you to the nearest hotel”
Eugene:” ok” we exchanged the seats and I started driving. I took him to the hotel and we parked at the parking lot
Eugene:” so this is it?”
Me:” yeah”
Eugene:” uhm there is your hand bag at the back seat. It’s got all you keys inside plus your cell phone”
Me:” am I supposed to be thankful that finally Eugene decided that I am worthy to have my phone and my keys back?” he took a deep breath
Eugene:” Andani please I am trying here”
Me:” what are you trying exactly? Do you know what some of us are trying? I am trying to think of what I will tell my son when he grow up, I am trying to think of how I am going to go about being a single mother…that’s what I am trying to do”
Eugene:” you don’t have to be a single mom, I can be a better father to your son, you know that”
Me:” as long as your name pops up then I am not sure about anything and I honestly don’t see you being close to my son, ever….you can get out Eugene, I have to go home to my son”
Eugene:” uhm ok, take all the time you need…if you need anything then feel free to contact me”
Me:” I don’t think I will need anything” he looked at me for a long while and then walked out of the car
Life as we know it
Insert 90
I packed at the gate when I got home and called my mom. It was locked and I didn’t have the keys. This was no longer my home remember? Well ever since I got married to Rialivhuwa this place stopped being my home and after the divorce I never really came back home. So I called my mom and asked her to open the gate for me. She was shocked to hear that I was home without notifying her. She opened the gate and I drove in. I found her standing outside with my dad. They were holding hands wearing their night gowns….damn I’d kill for a marriage like theirs, to have someone I’d grow old with and have grandkids together. I parked the car and got out
Me:” hey” I said as I was closing the door
Mom:” Andani, you didn’t tell us you were coming back” she said walking to me and giving me a hug
Mom:” you bought a new car?”
Dad:” I thought you loved that BM of yours…I miss you so much my last born” he came to me and hugged me too
Me:” did you hear?” I said in a low voice…they both looked at me with their sad faces
Mom:” I am so sorry love”
Me:” where is my son? I just want to see my son” I said wanting to cry, the tears were just at the edge
Dad:” uhm he is sleeping in your old room”
Me:” its kinda my current room now because I don’t belong at Ria’s anymore remember” I said and walked past them
Mom:” Andi” she was following behind me
Me:” mom please don’t follow, I need a moment alone please” I walked to my room.
I opened the door and watched as my son was sleeping peacefully on my bed. I couldn’t bare it, I felt like he knew that I got his father killed. I walked in and closed and locked the door. I walked to the bed and fell on my knees and broke down. I regretted ever asking for his help, I shouldn’t have done it….he would have been alive, I got him killed. I took my sleeping son and held him in my arms
Me:” I am so sorry Omphu, baby I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know how far Eugene would go….Omphulusa I am so sorry”
I sobbed holding my son who seemed to be in a peaceful sleep. In that moment peace was a luxury I longed to have. Happiness a luxury I’d pay any amount to own. And in that moment I hated Eugene with every bone and every vein in my body. I hated him for the unbearable pain that occupied my heart, for the fact that I felt like I failed my son, for the fact that I felt responsible for Ria’s death, for the fact that I’d feel guilty about this for the rest of my miserable life…the bottom line Is that I hated him. I sat there on my bed rocking my son sideways. Ria was a bad husband I admit but we dated for good 6 years and those 6 years were the best, he loved me, that I knew and I loved him too. Our marriage was a pain and I hated him for putting me through so much pain but I didn’t want him to die and better yet I didn’t want to be the cause of his death. He was still Omphu’s dad and for that reason I felt that I needed him.
My mom knocked on the door
Mom:” Andani, Andi please”
Me:” mom just give me some time”
Mom:” Andani open the door please” I put Omphu back to bed and went to open the door
Me:’ what?” I said while standing at the door looking straight at her
Mom:” I am worried about you” she walked in
Me:” ow?”
Mom:” where is Eugene?” really? did she have to ask me about him?
Me:” he is at the hotel, he drove me up here and that’s his car out there because I know you’ll want to know”
Mom:” why the hotel? You could have brought him here”
Me:” mom, dad wasn’t gonna allow my boyfriend to sleep over, it’s not like Eugene has paid any cent….anyway I don’t wanna talk about him anymore”
Mom:” how are you feeling?”
Me:” isn’t it obvious? My son has lost his father and as much as you don’t want to hear it….Rialivhuwa had a special place in my heart, he was my first boyfriend mom, he sort of like made me so I am crushed if that’s what you want to hear, I feel at loss” I cried
Mom:” shhhh I am so sorry baby at least Eugene is supporting you”
Me:” mom enough about this Eugene ok? For all you know this Eugene of yours could be a serial killer, you don’t even know him and yet you’ve mentioned him more than 5 times already....no mom give me a break” I said walking to the bed and sitting on it
Mom:” uhm I am sorry then, are you hungry? Need anything?” I shook my head
Me:” I am fine thanks”
Mom:” so tomorrow, what time are we going to Ria’s?”
Me:” I am not sure, maybe around 9, is dad working tomorrow?”
Mom:” you know he has to, he said he’ll come sometime during the week, you sister said she will come on Thursday”
Me:” ok mom good night, I want to rest”
Mom:” I love you and I am sorry about what happened, your dad is sorry too but you know he is not a man of many words”
Me” you need not to remind me” I gave her a faint smile. My mom walked out of the room closed the door.
I took my hand bag and took out my phone. It was on and there were few missed calls from Vhusani. I wanted to call her but I had no strength to do so, so I just send her a text
“Rialivhuwa passed away; he was in a car accident. I am back home in Makhado as we speak. Please don’t give me a call now, I am in no state to talk” I pressed send and lay on the bed looking at the ceiling. Shortly after that an sms came through, I knew it was Vhusani so I didn’t bother checking
Something occurred to me in that moment. I didn’t plan on telling anyone… I mean about Eugene, I didn’t plan on telling anyone about him. He hurt me so bad, took away someone that was important to my son, I was angry at him and I hated him but all that wasn’t enough for me to start babbling about him. Was it out of fear? Was I afraid that he’ll take away someone else that I love? or….or maybe I just didn’t want to share, maybe I just wanted to keep his secret safe? Maybe ….maybe….no, there couldn’t be another maybe. Eugene was bad news and the sooner I accepted that the better.
MEANWHILE
Eugene booked in at the hotel and when he walked in, he realised that he didn’t take his laptop with. He really needed his laptop so that he’d spend the night working. He didn’t want to sleep because he couldn’t handle the nightmares. Last night was worse, he dreamt of something else, something he’d never dreamt of before. He walked to the shower and then came back and started watching TV while checking his emails on the phone. After driving all the way from Cape Town to Limpopo, he was tired and needed a serious sleep but he didn’t want to fall asleep. He was still holding his phone when he drifted off into a deep sleep.
***
He was in a dark unfamiliar hall. He called for her name but all he could hear was the echoing sound of his voice and the footsteps of his shoes. He walked out of the door and was welcomed by Andani sitting in the garden having some lunch
Eugene:” here you are” he said smiling and walking to her
Andani:” stay away” her words were more like a warning
Eugene:” Andani love it’s me”
Andani:” I said stay away” she warned again. She got up and looked at him with hate in her eyes
Eugene:” Andi” just the look alone on her face was enough to send him to his early grace. He looked at his hands and they were dripping of blood
Eugene:” what?”
Andani:” I hate you, Eugene I hate you, I hate you” she repeated the words as she was walking away from him while her face was still facing him
Eugene:” nooo, don’t do this, I can’t live through this” he cried and ran to her but he couldn’t get to her. He stumbled and fell and quickly got up again but when he looked she had disappeared, there was no trace of her, he couldn’t see her, it was as if she never existed. He looked back at the garden where she was sitting and there was a pool of blood. He sobbed as he let the pain sank in….not only his hands had blood but his clothes too. He couldn’t help but just sob.
***
He woke up in a cold sweat, his heart beating out of his chest and the pain he felt on the dream still lingering in his heart, it was real pain. He sat on the couch sweating. He felt frustrated. What did the dream mean? That she was better off without him? That he’d kill her? No ways he’d never do that, not to her…can he lose it to that extent? He shook his head as he felt the cold creeping in and his body started shaking. He got out of bed and walked to the shower, he didn’t have time to take off the clothes he was wearing. He got inside the shower as he was and put the water on extra hot. He stood there in the shower for a while feeling his body calming down. As much as the body was calming, the pain wasn’t going anywhere…..the pain of losing Andani hurts so bad but he knew he had to let her go. He didn’t want to force her to be with him anymore. Maybe he needed to get away for a while, to try and find healing he felt he needed. As for the nightmares, he had no idea how he was going to deal with them….for now he just knew that sleeping was not his favourite task of the day.
ANDANI
The following morning I woke up before my son could wake up. I just stared at him as I felt the stab of pain in my heart. Omphulusa was never going to have the daddy experience that my siblings and I shared with my dad. He was never going to have any of that and the thought of it was painful. I took my phone and decided to text Eugene. I had a question, Eugene didn’t want to let me go free because he was afraid that I would talk, afraid that I would tell anyone so why the sudden change of heart? Did he trust me enough to keep this to myself or was this a trap? What was his cards? And if I talk would he kill me? I texted him
“You were adamant about letting me go free because of the feds and you didn’t trust me not to tell anyone. Why the sudden change of heart? Aren’t you afraid that I’ll talk anymore?” I sent the text and waited but instead of a text, I received a call….i answered immediately
Me:” hi”
Eugene:” I will answer your question, I didn’t want to text because it will be too long. Anyway you know I love you, I did from that first day I bumped into you and I realised something yesterday. I over-loved you; I showed you too much love than you were willing to accept. I went too far when I killed Ria, but I don’t regret doing it, I should have done it a long time ago. As for my secrets, I knew when I told you that telling you everything was a bad idea and that it was the thing that could lead to my down fall but you threatened to leave if I don’t say anything so I gambled on it and tell you hoping that somehow you’d stay. But because it was a gamble, I lost, you didn’t wanna stay and I got crushed Andi, it broke me apart and when I found out you went to him. Damn I lost all sense of thinking and knew that I had to end him. So if you feel that you want to talk to the feds or that you want to turn into a state witness or you want to go to the papers or tell your parents and your friends then do it. I am not going to stop you and I definitely won’t make you pay for it. Because even after the pain we’ve caused each other I still love you and that is reason enough to spare your life, no matter how much I am hurt. And oww I won’t hurt anyone you love either. So I have given you ammunition to use against me as you see fit, use it. The downfall of most great men has been through the women they love, why should mine differ. Anyway good night Andani….I will be out of the country for at least a week, good night”
And he dropped the call without waiting for me to say anything else. He was right, I had ammunition. I could make him pay for what he had done to me but somehow I couldn’t let myself do it. Not because I was afraid of him but because I don’t think I wanted to see him behind bars or dead for that matter. He mentioned something about leaving the country. Where was he going? Did it have anything to do with his illegal businesses? I felt my heart aching at the thought. I don’t know why my heart ached because I knew what Eugene was and there was no changing that.
I woke up and headed for the shower, when I came back my son was up and was sitting on the bed playing.
Me:” hey lover boy” I said holding him, he started giggling right away
Omphu:” momma”
Me:”yeah yeah right mommy is back” I spun him around while giggling with him. I was trying my best to avoid the pain that came with seeing my son
Omphu” lovu” he said and giggled
Me:” ncoooo I love you too, mommy loves you so much” I took him and walked out of the room, I had to get my suitcases from the car
Me:” morning mom”
Mom:” morning, hey boy boy, come to granny” she said laughing with him
Me:” mom he needs to bond with his mom, I really miss him”
Mom:” yeah you are right”
Me:” watch him for a sec, I need to get my bags from the car…is dad gone already?”
Mom:”yep” I put my son on the floor and walked to the door but he walked after me crying
Me:” ncooo you really miss me neh?” I went back and took him. I almost cried when I thought about the fact that he was going to miss his father and never have to see him again
Me:” do you think he’ll ever remember how his father looked like?” I said while moving around with him looking at my mom who was already eating a yogurt
Mom:” baby you are worrying yourself too much”
Me:” it hurts, it hurts everywhere, I don’t even know what to do with myself…it’s so damn painful. I thought I was over him mom, I thought I didn’t care anymore but the fact that he is gone hurt so bad and right now I wish….i wish I had stayed with him a bit longer, if only I knew that he’d leave us so soon” I said holding off tears, I didn’t want my son to see me cry. There, I admitted something that I didn’t want to admit. with Eugene turning into a monster I had regretted ever leaving Rialivhuwa, although he was the one who left me, I should have taken him back when he came begging, at least he would have spent his last days with me and our son but if I had done that then it means that I wouldn’t have met Eugene and maybe Ria could still be alive
Mom:” Andani don’t do that to yourself, you and I both know how much you tried to keep that marriage together, you gave it your all sweety”
Me:” you think so?”
Mom:” yes, just burry your ex husband and focus on being the best mom to your son…Eugene is there to hold your hand”
Me:” mom, if Eugene’s name is just going to pop up everywhere then you should divorce dad and marry him please” the words left my mouth quickly before I could filter them
Mom:” wow”
Me:” I am sorry, that came out wrong…I am just….Eugene and I are not really in a good space and mentioning his name every time remind me of things I don’t wanna think about” I said wiping of tears, jeez I had been crying a lot lately it’s not even a joke
Mom:” I am sorry, I didn’t realise that things were not great…I am sorry, get ready so that we could leave”
Omphu:” yogurt…I want yogurt” he said holding his hands out to my mom
Mom:” no no no no not my yogurt”
Omphu:” yogurt pyease” he giggled at my mom. My mom took him and I walked to the car to get the bags. I then walked to my room and changed into a maxi skirt and a blouse, I looked like a wife nje. If Ria and I were still together I’d be sitting in his house right now, in our bedroom and would be getting all the support from family and friends. My phone rang just as I finished dressing, it was Vhusani, I was seriously not in the mood
Me”hey”
Vhusani:’ hey love I am so sorry about what happened, how are you feeling?”
Me:” like a train smash”
Vhusani:” I could hear from your voice that you are not happy at all…I know that you guys came a long way and I am sorry that Omphu lost his dad”
Me:” thanks hey”
Vhusani:” I will fly up on Friday for the funeral, I love you Andi and just know that I am here for you”
Me:” thanks friend, I have to go ok?”
Vhusani:” ok I love you”
Me:” love you too” I threw myself on the bed and wished I could tell her the truth about Eugene. The truth was weighing on me and I needed to share the burden with someone but who? What if I share and the person shares with someone? I wanted to tell Vhusi but my friend was too judgemental and too straight forward in a way that she’d let Eugene know that I told her. That in itself would get her a ticket to meet her maker, if not, then Eugene would never be able to trust me ever again. Anyways Why did it matter for him to trust me? it’s not like I had a future with him
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