My Scars Chapter 2


Chapter 2

It was on the 1st of June and it was my first day at my first job, God I was super excited and super nervous at the same time. I opened my eyes while still in my blankets and uncovered only my upper body and my whole body quivered in cold. We were in the middle of winter and even though it was 05:05 in the morning, my surrounding was dark. I looked around my dark room and the tomb-like silence haunted the environment and I was tempted to fall back into my usual dejection but I didn’t let myself. I woke up from my couch like I did every day. Yes, I slept on my couch because the bed was asphyxiating; it still had Uncle Tom's scent. No matter how many times I washed the bedding, I couldn’t get the smell out and I couldn’t even fall asleep so my couch worked just fine. The smile on my face was clear as I woke up. I was in awe over my new job; I couldn’t believe I was starting a new job after graduation which was three months ago. It was not a permanent job though; it was just an internship but hey; it was better than nothing plus that's where it all starts. Mom and dad were thrilled about this; I think it’s fair to say they were more delighted about this than me.

My dad was a Regional Financial Manager at Cashit Bank in Pretoria and mom was a chef, she worked at Johnson hotel as a chef and also owned her own restaurant at Menlyn mall. Smiths was her restaurant and they serve sea food menus plus Italian food. It was good for the market and it got really busy. My mom was one of the famous chefs in South Africa and she was very passionate about her food. Even though I didn’t take cooking as a career, I had an interest in food and great menus and I have learned a lot from my mom over the years. We stayed in Centurion and we owned a family home there. Even though our house wasn’t enormous, it was a beautiful five bedroom house... the kind in which most people wouldn’t mind growing up in. Situated among trees on one of Centurion’s most exclusive streets, it had a screened-in front porch, double garage, a pool, formal garden that was regularly maintained and a tennis court. With my mom being a chef, we had a big kitchen with the best furnishers and kitchen equipments in town. We had a beautiful home, and I loved the place at first; I mean I loved it throughout but with Uncle Tom in the picture I couldn’t be so sure anymore. Uncle Tom owned few businesses in town and he was married; his wife Annalisa travelled a lot because she was a photographer for the international news channel; so she was hardly at home. They had two sons; Alton 27 and Alaric 25 but they were all abroad.

I took off my black underwear and my mom’s grey t-shirt I was using as my pyjama and wrapped the towel around my chest. The t-shirt was obviously big and baggy but I loved it. I stole the t-shirt from my mom. She fought me when she found out I was using it as a pyjama but she gave up because I would steal it again after she had taken it back. I know there is a level of weirdness out there and I don’t know if mine was normal. The reason behind going to bed in my mom’s t-shirt was that I felt safe in it, like she was there with me, it made me feel like I was in her arms throughout the night and that kind of warmth and protection was the kind I needed. I know that at 22 I was supposed to be old enough to be independent and looking into moving out of my parents’ house and being by myself but I was afraid most of the times and I needed my mom’s protection. I couldn’t tell her about that but her scent in her t-shirt was enough to give me a good night sleep. The scent wasn’t so strong anymore, the t-shirt smelt more like me than it did my mom but it still made me feel safe.

I smiled as I walk to the shower. For the first time since I came back home I was over the moon.  I didn’t know what the working environment had in store for me and I don’t know if I was ready, well I don’t know if anyone is ever ready to grow up but I was welcoming the new venture with nothing but a smile and great expectations. I got to the shower and threw the towel on the floor and then took the shower cap and wore on my head to prevent my afro from getting wet. Those who have afros will agree with me, you wouldn’t want to wash your afro if you don’t have the whole day in your hands. Mine was so thick I couldn’t even hair-dry it myself. So I used to go to the salon on weekends to have it washed. I stepped into the shower and sang Avril Lavigne–Complicated. I was one of the people who only had the courage to sing while in the shower. Avril Lavigne was one artist whose music I enjoyed.

When I stepped into the shower, my toes flinched as they come in contact with the icy tiled floor. I turned on the hot water and closed my eyes as the warm water soaks into my skin and for a moment I felt at peace. After the shower I dried myself with a towel and then went back to my room. I got there and stood in front of the mirror looking at my naked body and frowned. I hated my body, well, not just my body, I hated myself and I blamed myself for everything that my body had to endure. Standing there I wondered what I would wear. I looked at my afro that clearly needed a good combing and rolled my eyes. I looked at my small boobs that were A cup. I cupped them with such a frown and then let go. I hadn’t explored my body like this in a while. I was a size 28 and sometimes I wore 30. I had a deeply bronzed skin colour and an average height. My face was round-shaped with deep set thick lashed eyes, thick lips and a small nose.

I was not sure what to wear for my first day at work. My mom walked in right when I was debating with myself about what to wear.
"Knocking would really be appreciated mom"
I said while still standing naked in front of my built in wardrobe and my full body mirror which was on the middle door of the wardrobe.  My room wasn’t enormous. I used the same room ever since the first day I became a Smith. The room had a single bed when I was young but that’s in the garage now and we changed my bed when I went to high school. There was now a double bed that occupied most of the space in my room. The headboard was grey with two side tables attached to it. My wardrobe also had a grey colour. I had one black leather three sitter couch I fought for when my parents changed the lounge suite, Josh and I had a good fight over the couch and I won simply because I was the first born and Josh got the two seater. The couch was evidently old but still in a tolerable condition. I had my family’s framed photographs on each bedside table and I also had few magazines and novels there. My room was painted pink, maybe I was a little too grown up for a pink colour but the room had been like that ever since I was a child and I never thought of changing it. I wasn’t a neatnik, but I tried my best to keep my room clean. There was also a white chest drawer situated just opposite my bed. That’s where I put my underwear’s and sleep wears and hair accessories.

“Unless you are hiding something, then I think I am still welcome to come in and out as I please, I can’t do the same with Josh so please honey let me do this” I looked at her and smiled.
“How was your sleep?” I said and opened the wardrobe and starred at my clothes and realised that I had no idea what was more suitable for work.
“Your dad was snoring as usual” she said and giggled.
“So...what are you wearing?” she was standing beside me with her hands on her hips too. She was still in her pyjamas.
“Um... I am not sure mom”
“Okay let me be of help then… and please don't argue with me about this since you are standing there not knowing what to wear” see why I don’t want to move out of this house? I don’t know what I’d do without her... I thought to myself and smiled.
“Okay madam” I sat on the bed butt naked with a smile on my face and waited for my mom to pick something for me.
“You have no idea how excited I am about this sweety”
“You don’t even have to tell me”
She went through my clothes and took out my grey warm leggings, a long-sleeved white round neck t-shirt, my grey fluffy knee length jacket, black knee high boots, brown socks and my black matching underwear... the outfit seemed perfect for winter.
“There... it’s not formal but it can do for first day”
“Thanks mom I don’t know what I will ever do without you... now let me get dressed” “Okay be snappy, I am done with breakfast already” I looked at her and frowned.
“Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?”
“Not today Roxy... not today” she kissed me on my cheek and then walked out of my room.
I smiled and then applied body lotion on my body and got dressed in the outfit that my mom chose for me. When I was done, I combed my afro and tied it up and then applied make-up. I also took my grey scarf just to complete the look. I walked out of my room with my brown handbag at hand and went to the dining room.

Mom and dad already waited in the dining room. The ambrosial aroma of a perfect morning breakfast filled the room, and I was again reminded of the reasons I shouldn’t dare move out of my parents’ house because I didn’t want to miss out on any of my mother’s meals.
“Morning dad” I went to him and kissed him on the cheek.
“Morning Pebble... how are you feeling? You’re nervous?” wow so I am still Pebble, huh? I thought to myself and then shook my head.
“No she doesn’t look nervous, Roxy is strong and I am certain she will take the bull by its horns” my mom answered on my behalf.
“Mom is right, I am sure this will be like taking a candy from a baby, I will clap it” I said with a giggle.
“Where is Josh?” I was looking around the room wondering where Josh was.
“Josh! Don’t tell me you are late again” she was screaming and then she got up and disappeared into the passage, probably went to Josh’s room.
“I am so proud of you Pebble” my dad said when it was just me and him on the table. I looked at the fruit salad on the table and took one grape and threw it in my mouth.
“Maybe you should stop calling me Pebble just to show how proud you are” I said while going for another grape and my dad laughed out loud.
“I don’t think I will ever be able to stop, you’ll always be my little Pebble” I smiled.

Our breakfast was nothing fancy, it comprised of a toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, fruit salad and coffee. That’s usually what we had for breakfast almost every day although sometimes my mom would go all out and sometimes she will serve us cereals. Our dining room was also nothing fancy. It was just a big open space with a gigantic mahogany table that did its best to take up most of the space in the room. There was a gold table cloth that only sat in the middle of the table instead of covering the whole of it. The cloth was fancy and looked expensive. Around the table were dining chairs that matched the table. There were three beautiful paintings on the wall and two big flower vases on the corners of the room and that’s about it.

Mom walked back in with Josh. We all gathered around the table and mom said the grace and we ate. We were all having a wonderful breakfast full of laughter and giggles until my mom said "we are so happy for you Roxanne, your dad and I even took a day off today so we can drive you to work since it’s your first day"
I gave them my most horrified look and Josh just looked at me and covered his mouth with his hand as if bottling up a laugh, he was finding this hilarious. As if the bombshell wasn’t enough, dad said “and don’t worry about driving back, we will come fetch you”
“No no no mom, dad, I appreciate the gesture guys I really do but you don’t have to. You can make this day more useful and go out together or something, I will be fine” I sounded more desperate than I intended.
“Pebble you are our little girl and you just got your first job after getting your Degree, this is a historical moment, you only get one chance at getting your first job in life and we are not missing it” my dad said.
“I agree with you dad, I totally agree with you” Josh said and continued laughing. I gave him a death stare, and he ignored me. I knew there was no winning this one. If my parents wanted to take me to work, then they would not take no for an answer so I let it slide.

After breakfast we all left the house. Josh drove to school in my mom’s Hyundai and I drove with my parents in Dad’s Mercedes. I was feeling a little embarrassed, well maybe not a little but really embarrassed and I wished to meet none of my colleagues at the parking lot. I didn’t want to be seen as a spoilt brat, at least not on my first day at work. I wanted to start a new chapter of my life and it was important for me that my colleagues get to know me first before passing any judgements towards me. I was going to work at The National Department of Environmental Affairs in Arcadia. We got to the department’s building, and they parked their car just across it.
“Thank you guys, I really appreciate it” well, that was a lie.
“It’s our pleasure Pebble, see you at lunch” what?
“We are having lunch together?” I couldn’t believe this.
“Of course we are and don’t worry, if you don’t want fast foods I can always make your favourite meal” I breathed.
“Um we can go to any restaurant; you don’t really have to cook anything for me”
I got out of the car and they did the same. They came and gave me hugs and kisses and then wave at me as I cross the road to my work. God, I was so embarrassed I wanted the world to open and swallow me. I was about to get inside the gate when I looked across the road and they smiled and waved at me again. I gave them one last wave and walked inside the gate.

I was not sure which way I was supposed to go so I walked to the reception personnel sitting behind the desk for help. I gave him my name and surname and explained to him that I was a new accounting intern and didn’t know where I was supposed to go. He made a quick phone call and then asked me to go to the 4th floor and ask for Bokang Molebu. I thanked him and took the lift to the 4th floor. I was feeling a bit nervous. I was joined in by three more people in the lift who seemed to know their way around the place. I smiled thinking that this would be me from tomorrow onwards. The lift finally arrived at the 4th floor and I got out. I looked around and spotted a desk that looked like a reception desk. There were also five sets of sofas on my left-hand side with two girls and one guy sitting. I walked towards the desk and greeted the lady behind it. I told her who I was, and that I was an accounting intern. She said nothing but rather pointed on the waiting area. I smiled and walked to the sofas and sat on the one seater sofa. I smiled and greeted the two girls and one guy who were sitting there and they greeted me back. The guy asked if I was an intern and I nodded. I thought he was Bokang but to my surprise he said he was also an intern and was told to wait just here.

I had a conversation with my fellow interns. We would work together, so we had to get to know each other. Our discussion was based around basic stuff like where we are both from, what qualifications we each have and our names. The guy’s name was Zandi and the two ladies were Zintle and Mashudu. I was looking at them as we spoke. Mashudu was a skinny girl, and I kept on looking at her and wondering how she does it. We were in the middle of winter so Pretoria was freezing cold but Mashudu was wearing a blue skinny jean, high heels and a crop top that left her bellybutton exposed and a long buttonless cardigan that was long enough to reach below her knees. I was trying to make sense of her attire but I couldn’t. She looked beautiful though, there was no doubt about that but I didn’t understand why someone would go through so much trouble to look beautiful. I shook my head and smiled looking at Zandi. He looked like a regular guy. He was wearing a blue jean, white sneakers, and a blue hooded jersey. Zintle was also in a small dress, leggings, knee high boots and a jacket on top. I had no idea how I would blend in and be one of them but it had to happen. This was my chance at normality and I planned on making the best of it. I laughed and smiled in between the conversation.  

I think we waited for about an hour until someone came to us. An African man who looked like he was in his late 30s or early 40s greeted us. He was tall, bald and light-skinned. His body was average size and he had a friendly smile on his face. We greeted him back, and he introduced himself to us as Bokang Molebu and asked us to follow him. We did as instructed and followed him to an office. We kept on looking at each other and smiling as we follow him. I guess we were all excited for the job. We got to the office and there was no one else in there. The office had four desk tables, and each table had its own work desk and its own computer.
"This is where the four of you will report for duty every day. You can each choose a table and that table will be your cubicle for the duration of this internship. Shirley at the reception is busy printing out your contracts and she will guide you on how to fill them in and signing them. I am your supervisor and if you need anything, then you need to come to me. There isn’t much that you will do today, you will sign the contract and then get to know the staff members. Shirley will also help you guys with getting the access cards to the building so that you can clock in every day when you come to work. Questions?" we looked at each other and shook our heads.
“Good then, Shirley will be with you in a minute… Um before I go… can you please introduce yourselves?”
“I am Zandi” Zandi sounded confident when he talked.
“And I am Mushudu but you can call me Mash” I couldn’t get the joke but Mashudu said her name and then giggled, I really couldn’t understand what was funny.
“And this right here is Zintle” she said with a polite smile. Everyone else looked at me and then I snapped out of my thoughts.
“Um and I am Roxanne” my voice was croaky.
“Okay guys, welcome to DEA which stand for Department of Environmental Affairs under the financial directorate. This is your home for the next 12 months, feel at home. If you need anything talk to Shirley or knock on my door” he was about to leave when Mashudu said:
“And where is your door, sir?” I saw Zintle rolling her eyes, and I looked away and wanted to laugh but I contained myself.
“Office number 404”
“Okay thank you” Bokang walked out of the office.
Mashudu was the first one to pick a table, and she chose the one close to the door. Zandi picked the one close to hers and Zintle and I went for the ones at the far corner.
“Is this your first job?” she asked me as she sat on her chair.
“Yes it is, you?” she shook her head.
“My second internship, the first one was at a private company”
“Ow that’s good, it means you have more experience than me then” she smiled.
“If that’s what you want to believe” I giggled and sat on my chair. I switched on the computer and it needed a username and a password, I had none of those things.
“I think Shirley will help us with that” she said looking at my computer screen.
“Yes she has to” I smiled.

After a few minutes the front desk lady walked in. I guessed she was Shirley. We all stopped what we were doing and looked at her.
“Okay my name is Shirley and I am the admin officer around here. I have your contracts on my hand and I will help you fill them in and sign them”
Shirley helped us to sign the contracts, we all took our time and read the document. It was all new to me. The stipend was R5000.00, and I was happy to be getting that kind of money. It was my first job and I swear I would have accepted any stipend because I was in no position to choose jobs based on how much they offer. We were getting 22 days annual leaves, 5 sick days, 10 study leaves and 5 family responsibility leaves. Well, I was happy with that too, it’s not like I had anything to compare it to. The whole contract talked about what’s expected of us at the department and the duration of the internship and also the terms that could lead to the termination of the contract. After signing the contracts she gave us both access cards to the building. After that she disappeared and left us by ourselves. Bokang came back and gave us a tour around the whole financial department and he introduced us to everyone. After that we went back to the office. We sat in the office and talked until lunch time. None of us brought lunch box so we left the building together.


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